Latest Posts by dyingisfortheweekends - Page 2
Imagine it's some time during the clone wars and it's not going to well during one battle. Obi wan ran out of ibuprofen an hour ago and rex lost anakin in the mess of droids and cant find him. Echo and fives swapped armor at some point and keep forgetting to answer to whoever calls their names. Ahsoka is really trying to girl boss but shes getting a little too close to the sun. What to do?
and then it's like god descending from the heavens. A bright light is descending, in reality. The only thing anyone hears before the explosion is "YEE TO THE HAW" and then everything within a ten mile radius is electrocuted- droids, clones, and jedi.
This proves fatal to the droids, but the clones and jedi suffer from just the electric shock. Obi wan glances at fives and echo, who are both knocked out on the ground, and ahsoka and rex, who are sharing similar looks of confusion, as Jesse and cody are both shaking like they're still being electrocuted but really that's just them
From the dust cloud that rose, anakin walks out with the >:> look on his face and says, with his hair frizzing up and his eyes a little to excited, "I found :> a bomb >:>"
And they kind of pass this off, you know? Until order 66 comes around. Anakin is literally bowing down to a sith lord, about to go take some kids to heaven (or hell, ya know) and palpatine is like "ayo execute order 66" and it just. Doesnt.
Because that electric bomb, the strong one from years ago? It may have accidentally fried the circuits in the inhibitor chip. So anakin is all like "let's go do murder" and all the clones are like "no" and hes like aight (okay to make this a bit more realistic let's say they talk him out of it idk? Its funny)
And that's the story of how stupid tcw anakin saved rots anakin bc hes dumb
moments before the end of the world
Gosh dammit muffin! Now I can't get the idea of long haired andorogynous zuko out of my head, and I'm like "what if he'd never done the bald ponytail thing and just let his hair grow back, so by the show he had long ass hair" and then I was like "what if he joined the gaang after crossroads and figured that the best way to go incognito was as a woman since people were looking for the PRINCE. Anyway now i'm staring down a blank google doc so thx.
Yesss.
Custody Battle
An outline for an atla fic that I will probably never write but was fun to make anyway.
when Zuko first becomes the Fire Lord, all the other nations are, of course, not super excited that the previous Fire Lord’s SON is on the throne. I mean, seriously Aang, didn’t we JUST fight a war to get rid of this guy’s father? why would we expect his son to be any different?
He is, Aang says. You’ll see.
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how tall is bruce and thomas wayne?
in saih bruce is 6′2″ and thomas was 6′5″
Yea I like truth serum Bruce Wayne but what I really want is truth serum Bruce Wayne that makes him say the first thing he thinks. No filter. Meaning he’s either just roasting the hell out of himself the whole time or being genuine
Bruce: [sips his too hot coffee] “try waiting a minute you fucking moron”
Bruce: [nearly drops phone] “almost ten years of ninja training and you can’t even tell”
Bruce: [eating his breakfast]
Tim: “hey Bruce, still having side effects?”
Bruce: [looks up] “they’re only side effects if I squint, otherwises I just seem sarcastic and cynical”
Dick: [takes a selfie with Bruce] “what do you think?”
Bruce: “we look like shit”
Dick: “yea, we do look like shit” [deletes photo]
Bruce: [steps in water wearing socks] “I hate being alive, it’s not worth it anymore if this is the trial I have to face”
Alfred: “just take off your socks”
Bruce: “I’ll take you off my will”
Damian: “I wished you leave me alone”
Bruce: “and I wish I knew how to communicate with you properly”
Damian: “yea, because I’m so difficult”
Bruce: “because I love you and I want to be the father you deserve”
Jason: “I fucking hate you!”
Bruce: “same. Wanna make a club?”
Jason: “… wait can we?”
Bruce: “see Jason’s got more self control than me, because if I killed somebody then I’d just kill everybody. Equality, am I right?”
Bruce: “god, I’d wish you’d kids stop stressing me out”
Tim: “well sorry we can’t be perfect”
Bruce: “who said you aren’t perfect? I love all of you so much I feel like I can’t breath sometimes”
Clark: [wearing a new dress shirt]
Bruce: “you could get it”
Clark: “what?”
Bruce: “I said what I said”
dick: so you think joker will be invited to harley and ivy’s wedding?
bruce: he’ll be there. in spirit if nothing else.
harley 24 hrs ago: so we’re gonna have a clown pinata, one for the adults an’ one for the kiddies, so EVERYONE gets a chance ta beat the shit outta a clown
bruce sipping a margarita while he flicks through a bridal magazine: nice
1. Hitoshi Shinsou
1. a fun headcanon
I feel like after joining the hero course, Hitoshi kind of gradually makes his way into the Bakusquad. Except, he doesn't realize it at first.
He is, of course, very close to Denki. And Mina, Sero, and Kirishima are always nice to him, but like. They don't really think of him as a friend of theirs, right? Just a friend of Denki's who hangs out with them sometimes. And he's convinced that Bakugou hates him (he doesn't realize that Bakugou is just Like That™).
But then one day, while the students are out on another fun shopping trip or something like that, someone outside of the school makes the unfortunate decision to talk about Shinsou. Specifically, about how he's destined for evil because of his quirk, how U.A. has lowered their standards, how he's probably planning to sell the others out to the L.O.V., ect.
Before Shinsou even has time to reply, Bakugou is going fucking berserk on these people. And just take a moment to imagine...
Kirishima, who stepped away with the rest of the squad for 2 minutes to get drinks: Oh, come on, man- what set him off this time?
Shinsou: Well, they called me a villain, but I'm used to that; it's really not worth-
Kirishima, Sero, Mina, and Denki, together: Oh, fuck no-
Long story short, the squad is asked to leave the premises because at this point the strangers who insulted Shinsou were outnumbered and the fight was getting a bit out of hand. Anyway-
Shinsou: Not that I don't appreciate it, but what was that about? It's not that big of a deal, I'm used to people-
Sero: You shouldn't be used to that.
Denki: Get used to having friends who care about you.
Kirishima: We've got your back, dude!
Mina: We may jokingly insult each other, but no one is allowed to bully you like that.
Bakugou: And if anyone has anything to say about it, I'll kick their ass!
I love the idea that Shinsou forms strong bonds with people in the hero course and makes real friends who will encourage him and believe in him, because he's never really had that before, and I feel like the somewhat aggressive but very loving support of the Bakusquad is exactly what Shinsou needs.
I know in the books it’s already like, a Thing that Percy’s relationship with his godly family seems to be abnormally good- like, Poseidon’s not dad of the year but he’s also made it clear he deeply cares about Percy and has tried to warn/protect him in the past, there’s been brief references here and there that after tlo Percy started spending time in the underwater palace occasionally, he calls Amphitrite his step-mom and says she bakes him cookies and doesn’t mind that he’s messy when he stays over, he brought back that pendant Annabeth wears, little stuff like that- but tbh I wish it would be expanded on more because apart from the fact it’s sweet, it’s also like, kinda funny? when you think about how all the other gods are just. messes. about family. like let me just SEE him interact with his family more, it has such potential. He casually mentions he’s meeting his sister Kym at starbucks later and Jason’s like ‘she sold you out to a giant that wanted to murder you’ and Percy’s just like ‘yeah but that was months ago and dad made her apologize we’re cool now’. Annabeth still hasn’t forgiven her mom for the whole Mark-of-Athena-Suicide-Quest thing and they had a huge fight on Olympus the other day, the first time they had seen each other since the war ended, and Annabeth’s complaining about this to Percy, who’s Iris Messaging her from the bottom of the ocean because it’s Poseidon’s custody weekend. There’s a mandatory parent bake sale at school to raise money for a field trip but Sally’s on a book tour and Paul was prepared to just quit after he set the kitchen on fire, only for Amphitrite to stroll into the school the next day and ruin every PTA Mom’s life. Percy telling his friends to stay out of the water for a few days because he called Triton a bitch in the family group chat and he just wanted them to be careful. Percy trying to figure out if a bunch of Greek gods are expecting Christmas presents or not and wtf to get them if they are. Triton wanting to get Percy back for the bitch comment but knowing their dad won’t let him drown someone so he instead shows up at Percy’s mortal high school and does The Most to embarrass him. Tyson begging Percy to let him help babysit Estelle. Poseidon showing up at Career Day with absolutely no warning and trying not to laugh at Percy’s reaction. Percy getting his dad a fathers day card like he wanted to do in SoM!! Like it’s a dynamic I don’t want pushed to the side as much as it is!!! There’s so much to work with there!!! I want more!
NOT CANON!!!
I just love the idea of bakugou and Shinsous dynamic
the born as an asshole and made into an asshole dynamic is just SO GOOD
Like- they’re both jerks, real huge dickheads, right? Shinsou is the one who just is hitting you with the insults that cut d e e p and bakugou is the physical counter for that.
They have a personal vendetta against muzzles (fanon) and always have shit to say about everyone, like two Regina Georges that walked into hot topic and a vat of eyeliner, they’re the gossip hoes of ua. An unstoppable forced that does NOT care about your feelings
But at the same time they have passion. They want to become heroes and have the mental drive to do it. Their compatibility makes up for their differences.
Bakugou on offense, lashing, distracting as shin takes out those around him with his quick movements and agility. Theyd be UNSTOPPABLE in a tough environment. But compatibility in battle isn’t what I’m focusing on here.
When it comes to them as people, they work out nicely, (obviously ignoring the fact that theyd hit you where it hurt and revel in your suffering) they both like their own personal space and would obviously have no qualms in respecting one another’s boundaries, while at the same time they can share information (normally through insults or scathing jokes at other’s expenses) that would normally result in a uncomfortable conversation
Theyd get along with PAINFULLY dark humour. The likes of which makes the entire class physically recoil.
They were particularly fond in jokes about muzzling and joking about becoming a villain.
(They we’re both pulled aside one day by Aizawa after one of their dormmates overheard them talking in depth about ways they could (re: would) use their quirks to commit,,,atrocious crimes if they decided the hero biz wasn’t cut out for them)
(Aizawa was also not happy to discover the two edgelords hurling insults at eachother because apparently bakugou didn’t think Shinsou played a good Edward Cullen, it was entertaining to watch until biting was involved)
They onced were paired in hero training and were RUTHLESS
Bakugou simply had to tell mindfuck what he knew about the rest of their class and Shinsou had immediately found the most dirty, but wrenching quips. All their opponents were too stunned and, well, devastated to notice the explosive barrel hurling towards them.
The ua faculty all unanimously agreed to stop pairing them up anymore, especially after one particular incident that had nezu thoroughly shaken.
Theyre. MEMERS.
They practically communicate through insults and shitty memes. Shitty shitty memes.
The class once found both of them in tears over a fucking suck ass sponge bop meme that simply read; “aw hell naw, get da spunch brof out de shit”
Momo was almost tempted to burn the phone along side the image.
They immediately connected. Like. Immediately.
Less than a day after grape fuck had been kicked the hell out, bakugou had cornered Shinsou before the boy could even get through the door. They left the room for bakugou to “determine his worth”, only a few minutes later the bakusquad all got a notification that Shinsou had been added to their group chat.
Cats.
The moment bakugou heard that beautiful sound coming from his mentally scathing classmate he barged through the door and demanded that Shinsou let him pet them.
Shinsou, being the fucking dick he was, said it would come at a price.
The price was, bakugou had to use Shinsous real name.
Shouji was slowly growing more and more suspicious after he heard bakugou calling Shinsou by Hitoshi more often than not.
I just fucking LOVE to imagine they were like that
And by “that” I mean that they aggressively flirt. And I’m talking aggressively.
When the class heard shin call bakugou a “slab of sexy fucking meat” right. To. His. Face. They assumed he was suicidal. I mean, it didn’t even matter that he’d only been there for a month and a half, everyone who’d even so much as breathed in the same area as bakugou knew not to do that?,!!?
It only made matters worse when bakugou responded with “tall glass of knee weakening wine”
“Aged?” Shinsou responded
Bakugou just looked at him with a wink and a smirk as he calmly responded, “you know it sugar tits”
Kirishima and Kaminari simply..looked at their boyfriends, already mentally planning the loooonngg list of “how the fuck” questions.
Also, if, by chance the class walked in on them both decked out in ridiculously poofy princess gowns in Apple White and Raven Queen cosplay, as a crowned bakugou tossed an apple at Shinsou while Hamilton played in the background, they chose to forget it.
kevin, helping aaron get ready for his trial: i would like to represent my client’s internet search history from that evening
aaron, leaning into the fake mic: i’d rather just confess to the murder
look I know neil’s time in evermore was Bad and traumatic ik but nothing is funnier to me than the idea of a disgruntled jean moreau with a l’oreal box dye and a deathwish and no fucking clue how to even begin
jean, muttering: these instructions are in english and french and I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do with the second bottle
neil: fucking drink it you french bastard
based on that iconic parks n rec scene. u know the one.
I just wanted to inform you how much of a lesbian I am for your fem!andreil, they’re gorgeous.
:)
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As if on cue, Andrew appeared in the doorway with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and Kevin at his back. “Success.”
That scene in the first book at Wymack’s apartment
(pt 1/pt 2)
Don’t let them bury me as someone I’m not.
Harley Quinn who recently kidnapped Bruce Wayne and texted Scarecrow to meet her: “Alright Brucie Boy, you’re probably wondering why I kidnapped you, and don’t worry! It’s not for anything "villainous” or the like. You might not remember it but I remember me and you being in med school together along with Crane and I thought we could form a club since we never got to start one in school since you dipped in the middle of the year!“
Scarecrow who just walked in: "That’s seriously why we’re here? I thought you needed my help. You said it was urgent.”
Harley holding up a tote bag: “It is urgent! I made t-shirts and I need to know if they fit!”
Bruce who honestly just wanted a nap: “Let’s just see the shirts Quinzel.”
Scarecrow: You’re actually going along with this!?“
Bruce raising a brow and looking down at the rooes that are binding him to a chair: "I don’t have much of a choice…”
Scarecrow: “…Fair point. Okay Harley show us the shirts.”
Harley pulls out a crop top shirt proudly, it’s half red, half black that has ‘OFFICIAL FUCK FREUD CLUB’ on the chest: “I got em personalized! Bruce gets a black turtleneck because he was the soft goth boy in med school and he’s still a little goth baby. John you get a flannel that has the sayin’ on the back! Aren’t they cute?”
Bruce remembering how much he hated Freud and having to listen to his methods and ideas in school, and how he, Harley, and John would shit talk him in their study group: “Okay I actually love this idea and the shirts.”
Scarecrow trying to hide how touched he is: “You got me flannel?”
My personal dumb and useless head canon for what happened between “twilight of the apprentice” and the epilogue for Ahsoka goes thusly:
Ahsoka realizes that, now that everyone left the planet, she is stranded on a deserted planet with no visitors and no ships. thankfully, she is a great mechanic, and manages to scrounge up a ship from old parts strewn about from old, destroyed ships and the temple weapon. some are thousands of years old. some are much more recent, from dumbasses who crash on planets… like her lineage.
she explores and studies the temple and the sith writings in her spare time (entertainment is scarce) as she constructs what is, without a doubt, the jankiest, most engineering-student ship that has ever flown. her belt, an old ration wrapper, and tape, among others, are integral parts of the engine. it flies on luck and the force. Morai is facepalming. Bendu is kind of impressed
she nonetheless uses it to get out because she left her self preservation somewhere on christophsis and they do not have a lost and found department.
She then goes to the closest planet to find replacement parts, upgrades, as well as luxuries for her ship (she was holding her pants up the whole takeoff and then decided to just throw them off once inside) (and she needed a kitchen, and food) (and this ship is so old in it’s apparent design and mismatched she easily fits it up to be invisible to the empire).
Knowing that she cannot return to the ghost, or Rex, nor could she ask for another confrontation with Vader, she decides to be the biggest pain in the ass for Sidious, because why not, and also she hates the bitch.
She destroys force-sensitive ‘sith nurseries’, corrupts secret research data on under the table experiments, just attacks Sidious’ Sith agenda that the rebels don’t care for (cuz the jedi are dead but they forget that the force is not).
now Sidious knows who it is, but cannot send Vader again, because he is busy, and also failed once and he does not want Vader to be exposed to Anakin again, and Anakin never hated Ahsoka unlike Obi-Wan, so he has to go himself. of course, he is an asthmatic Grandpa, and she is young and fit, so she was gone before his ship arrived on site, but she left cute messages!
she, head of rebel intelligence, skilled commander and general, war veteran, and he, wartime emperor, are basically just raiding places and chasing each other but because of their own skill and experience, the strategy needed become more and more complex until they are like playing 5d chess whilst the rebel alliance is playing checkers.
(still mad that they gave military titles and rank to Senators and politicians with no military experience or training. do you think military commanders would give half a second’s thought as to weather or not they should retrieve the death star plans? or even refuse to because they don’t have the votes? nah, they would see planet killer and see it as civil war ender and send everyone they can to destroy the thing the second they learn about it)
and that is why sidious does not actively do anything more than sit on his throne and walk to the window to stare ominously in space next to vader in the OT. he sends vader off then goes to try and fight and mange anakin’s wayward apprentice.
and then when she goes to the cloning facility that is preparing for palpatine’s ‘return’, she programs all the droids to implant biochips that would slowly cut his connection to the force and kill him the more he uses the force, because that is karma for what you did to the clones and order 66.
and that is also why she does not go fight him and lets Rey do that, because she is completely alive, what are you talking about, the daughter made her immortal unless killed and my girl is too strong to be killed. She’s just off being badass in another war or force plane, and is not interested in coming back for a little first order uprising, that’s it.
The Sugar Baby Ben AU
The premise: Obi-Wan and Anakin from the end of ROTJ get sent back to the Jedi Temple during TPM. Obi-Wan is confused, Anakin is confused, Mace Windu is very confused, and Vokara Che is also very confused. (It’s fine, it’s not like anyone relies on the Jedi for their intelligence anyways.)
So what happens after they get where and who they are sorted out?
Well:
Anakin kills Sidious. He may be small, and blond, and just the cutest little kid, but he has several decades worth of fury directed at the man, and he’s still pretty much a Sith Lord (if a reformed one). It is very violent, and very worrying to anyone who sees it except for Obi-Wan. (In the absence of any convenient reactor shafts to toss the bitch down, Anakin resorts to a combination of lethal use of the Force and a blaster, just for good measure. They’re cleaning Sidious’s guts off his office carpet for years after the fact.)
Then, while the Jedi are trying to get a handle on the fact that (a) Sith exist, (b) time travel exists, and © the tiny adorable boy Qui-Gon Jinn brought back actually is horribly dangerous, Anakin runs off. He grabs his mother, slaughters a couple slavers indiscriminately, which Shmi feels obligated to chastise him for, even if she isn’t that horrified, and they go to Naboo.
To everyone but Obi-Wan’s surprise, Anakin lasts about two weeks on Naboo. A month or so later, the Jedi start hearing rumors about a small, dark-cloaked figure with a red lightsaber who leaves entire slave markets to burn. They don’t hear about the woman with him, who holds him back and calms his rage, who can stop her son when he needs to be stopped and hold him when he needs to be held. (Obi-Wan knows that she’s there anyways, and he sends her the number of a good therapist.)
So, what is Obi-Wan doing during all of this?
Short answer: scandalizing every jedi on coruscant
Slightly longer answer: scandalizing every jedi on coruscant by having ridiculous amounts of sex
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my new ideal prequels fix-it goes like this
depa billaba, woman of many talents but most especially the ability to find and locate Baby, is canonically put into a coma because of her injuries sustained in a separatist attack that killed almost all of her troops. mace windu, man of many talents but most especially the ability to still be swindled by his former padawan who he DEFINITELY cherishes i will not back down from that point, waits intently by her side while she recovers. refuses to leave her for anything that isn’t absolutely necessary. yoda is almost about to tell him to leave it be, all things pass in time, but he can’t bring himself to say it to his own former padawan that he’s worked with so closely all these years, and instead just kind of turns a blind eye to it. meanwhile, depa is having a Force Vision, and learning three things. 1) baby kanan is extremely, exquisitely baby, and 2) caleb is destined to be HER baby, and 3) maybe instead of fearing the passion of love the jedi should accept the passion of true, powerful love. mace is reckoning with his clear attachment to his padawan and his guilt for what she’s going through.
obi-wan has managed to get himself injured, like a dunce, and is stuck in the medbay while he heals, and is conveniently stuck close to depa’s bacta tank, and therefore close to a brooding mace. obi-wan is watching this display like he’s never seen mace before, because while mace is and has always been compassionate, the kind of gentleness and quiet dedication - the love that would compel someone to set aside everything and wait - is something obi-wan’s only ever experienced as a deeply private and internal thing. this was the way he’d loved qui-gon, this is the way he loves anakin. mace and obi-wan have intense conversations where they talk about love while dancing around the word; the pain that loving a master that always seemed to have higher priorities than you, the pain of loving a padawan so much and still feeling like you do nothing but fail them, the expectations mace is under at the second highest rank in all the order and yoda’s own former padawan, and the expectations obi-wan was under as a freshly knighted padawan grieving a major loss and then being the only person in the order personally responsible for The Chosen One. rational thoughts are had, which is punctuated by anakin stalking into the medbay periodically like a human hurricane to be strange at obi-wan.
this sets the stage for depa to come out of her coma and immediately be like THE FORCE TOLD ME TO GO FIND MY NEW SON HIS NAME’S CALEB I LOVE HIM ALREADY and her conviction, because the force has quite literally told her this, in something mace and obi-wan had only been willing to poke at startles them both. depa’s a little bit, uh, not in the quite most normal mindset considering she just launched full-speed out of a coma, so please imagine she puts on her jedi drama cloak and then takes off through the temple to the initiates’ levels and barges around until she can find caleb. mace and obi-wan (not his problem, but he’s invested in this now) chase after her, and this is where sha koon enters the picture, because since she lost her own padawan she’s been funneling her grief into working with the initiates because she refuses to return to the front. sha, for everyone not as deep in some bullshit lore as i am, is plo koon’s niece, and her padawan did actually die, for the most part i’m not actually making any of this up. just, elastic-ing canon. but sha helps depa track down caleb, and then obi-wan and mace catch up just in time for all of them to be subject to depa’s declaration that caleb will be her new padawan and she CHERISHES him, actually. caleb (baby) is elated. they’re also there for depa declaring loudly that the force has revealed to her that the power of a master-padawan bond is inviolable and it should be loving, even passionate love, because love is a sacrosanct power, actually.
depa is the only person who can do heresy literally directly in front of mace and mace will just be like okay……. okay………….. okay…………… this is fine………… and because depa has practically always had mace wrapped around her finger, mace is roped into depa’s new inclination to heresy. sha koon, who is currently wading through the grief she’s feeling because she loved her padawan, and currently leaning way more on her bond with her uncle plo in a way that smacks of love and all the passion that comes with it, is like hell yeah, i don’t talk to literally any of you, but heresy rules. she also has a telepathic bond with plo that means our favorite squid uncle can just come running down the corridor like HELLO SHA I KNOW THAT YOU ARE FEELING STRONGLY because he’s been hovering over his grieving niece out of worry. obi-wan is just kind of there.
hence, a gaggle of jedi masters and one (1) knight in sha koon and one (1) padawan in sweet baby caleb end up at space dunkin donuts at 1am aggressively trying to reconcile the doctrine that passion is of the sith with the idea that love - an emotion of passion - can and should be utilized by the jedi, even for close interpersonal bonds. caleb falls asleep on depa’s shoulder and everyone has to argue philosophy in a whisper, because depa’s had this kid for, like, six hours, but she won’t let anyone disturb his baby slumber. obi-wan lets slip that mace hardly left depa’s side for her entire recovery, and depa hugs her jedi dad. this is a requirement, a demand, and also a necessity.
plo koon banging on the table, because he’s the only one here who really has always been a fan of sappy soap operas: A BEAUTIFUL DISPLAY, MACE
mace windu, man who is about to start a fight in the dunkin that plo koon will lose because not many people can challenge mace: avert your eyes, menace
and so the most unlikely people to commit heresy start meeting regularly to discuss the specifics of heresy, and how to implement this revolutionary new way to interact with the force. because the jedi forbade attachment for a reason, and it’s because the emotions of a jedi are amplified and condensed and turned into an energy that can physically affect the world around them in dangerous ways - the sith utilize the power of emotion, and in order to avoid causing danger and sliding into a fall, the jedi carved out all passion, including love. because being caught up in the throes of emotion can do damage, when your feelings can and do affect the world around you immensely. but living a loveless life also does catastrophic damage, so the question remains how to implement such a major change and how it has affected their relationship to the force and what it might change if they kept going. so, our intrepid heroes discuss heresy and philosophy at the space dunkin. but anakin gets suspicious of all of obi-wan’s disappearances and tracks them to a space dunkin.
obi-wan’s like oh, i’ve been meaning to discuss this with you, anakin, i just wanted our discussions to be further along before i told you that some of us were reconsidering the attachment clause. he knows that anakin is weird about attachment, what he does not know is that anakin is insane about attachment. anakin proceeds to fucking lose it, spectacularly, at 4am in the space dunkin, in front of five other jedi (caleb is at the temple, snoozing his baby snoozes) because anakin tried so hard to Not Do attachment his mom died because of it, and the idea that after he’s tried and failed for over a decade to live with this one thing and now people are seemingly arbitrarily deciding to remove it sends him spiraling. he shouts some very hinged things and storms out to go be very definitely hinged elsewhere, i don’t have the capacity to type out a full rant but please imagine anakin shouting I WATCHED MY MOTHER DIE A HUNDRED TIMES AND I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO CARE, I DIDN’T FREE MY MOTHER BECAUSE I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO CARE AND SOMEONE ELSE HAD TO DO IT, AND IT DOESN’T MATTER - IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT I’VE ALREADY BURNED or something. then the five of them are sitting there in completely shocked silence attempting to process the loud display of maladjustment they all just witnessed. plo koon tentatively suggests that they’ve been so focused on what will happen if they do change the way they live, that they haven’t really thought about what the way they already live has done to them, which causes another shocked silence in which everyone considers they may have emotional damage.
anakin joins the heresy party, obviously, but on his first meeting it’s quite clear that he’s created entire, complex arguments on this very subject, and then obi-wan’s like “i didn’t know you thought about this so much.” anakin looks like a deer caught in a pair of headlights before he blurts out IT’S BECAUSE I’M MARRIED
now everyone gets to argue MORE, because the familial bond of master and padawan is WAY different from the romantic love of husband and wife, and that’s a whole new set of logistics to debate. but, on the plus side, they get to debate this in padme’s apartment now instead of the space dunkin, and padme has really great taste in wine. also, she stocks space excedrin, which mace cannot get enough of. cue the hilarious moment where bail organa drops by unexpectedly and padme shoves six jedi in the pantry in her kitchen, where they’re all stuck together, invading personal space awkwardly.
sha heals vicariously through watching depa and caleb be the cutest, and also heals because she can just show up at padme’s apartment and drink padme’s excellent wine (assuming kel dor can have wine, lol) and be upset. padme’s apartment has accidentally become the halfway house of Emotionally Damaged Jedi Heretics, padme has alternating moments with literally everyone where she reassures them using normal human emotions. even mace has a moment where he’s struggling beneath his guilt for what depa went through, and padme’s like [sympathetic hand on shoulder] it wasn’t your fault, master jedi.
how has this become padme’s life
when everyone goes back to war they all have to do this shit on fucking space zoom
anakin announces that they really have to tell yoda about this heresy thing very very soon because his secret wife is secret pregnant at the Emotionally Damaged Jedi Heretics meeting following the whole invisible hand thing. obi-wan screeches like a horrified demon, immediately accuses padme of corrupting his padawan, plo is saying something loudly about the force in family lineages and how lovely it is and how exciting this all is, depa’s completely unsure how she had one (1) force vision and now she’s attending padme amidala’s kind of baby shower, caleb’s actually here this time and he’s like WOW senator amidala congratulations!!! like a sweet baby angel. sha is planning how she’ll have to outmaneuver her uncle plo to secure babysitting rights. mace has invited himself to the liquor cabinet because the prospect of more skywalkers makes him want to fall over. but don’t worry, mace’s grumpy exterior conceals a mushy inside that, while still wrestling the instinct to screech ATTACHMENT!!!! is kind of elated at the prospect of….. jedi families, that can be families. fight me he always thought of depa, deep deep inside where he could never tell anyone, as his daughter. when the skywalker baby turns out to be twins, one of which being leia, mace sits anakin down for Raising A Daughter advice, which amounts to “you’re probably never going to tell her no”
mace is very right
unfortunately mace also can’t tell leia no
unfortunately no one can tell leia no
I keep reading Obi-Wan time-travel fics (post-66 to pre-Naboo) and just… wanting Rex and Ahsoka to show up like ‘yes we followed Maul through the anomaly on Tatooine and we know for sure nobody else went through but also… we lost Maul’ and then the two acting INCREDIBLY suspicious but in ways that entirely validate “Ben” being The Weird Fucker He Is
And also they keep referencing future!Anakin as Ahsoka’s “brother” and state that “Fulcrum” was Ben’s second padawan because the timing doesn’t really work out unless you know about the war. Her training was basically split by them anyway, it’s not that big of a stretch.
There’s a handful of fics where people are like “So are you like… married or adoptive siblings or…” and they’re just like “family, where they go, I go” and then never elaborate I just really like the “two halves of a whole idiot black ops specialist” vibe they have
Also I keep imagining that, since Ahsoka doesn’t want to steal her future/baby self’s name depending on the AU, she takes on Fulcrum as an actual name, and then she and Rex use either Torrent or Jaig as a surname, though I’ve been told that she went by “Ashla” a few times and I do in fact vibe with that.
Also I like fics (or at least I imagine fics) where they refuse to refer to each other as anything other than Captain and Commander until they can trust people. Not even fake names, just ranks, in part because Intimidation.
Also I just really like the idea of teen Obi-Wan and all his Padawan friends having just. Hero Crush on Ahsoka, because she’s only a few years older, sure, but she’s a total badass and probably a shadow and she’s showing off in the salles! And then Ben is like “Uhhhhh she doesn’t consider herself a Jedi, even though a Jedi taught her, she’s technically a Rogue Force User but don’t worry, she’s a good one”
People: Would you ever consider rejoining the order? Ahsoka: I’ve got work to do in the Outer Rim and I can’t be held back by bureaucracy, so it’s just gonna be me and the Captain until I decide otherwise.
And then she swings back around and rejoins just in time to snatch up bb Anakin for a Padawan
Jedi: Why does Ben drive his padawan so hard? Ahsoka: [shows up and jokes about the number of times their war experiences had resulted in horrifying injuries] Jedi: …oh.
It’s not paranoia if you’ve already experienced it dozens of times!
Ahsoka dodging around mentioning Maul by name by saying “Your first Sith Lord” Ben and Rex: Ah, that fucker. The Disowned Dark Apprentice. All the Jedi around them: ??!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!? How many claims-to-be-Sith did you fight????!?!?!?!?!?!??!
Jedi: How did Ben teach you? Ahsoka, brightly: Trial by fire! Jedi: Like– Ahsoka: Yeah, no, it was active warzones, but in his defense, we really didn’t have a choice.
At any rate, I want post-Empire Ahsoka&Rex&Obi-Wan time travel that’s just. So concerning to everyone pre-TCW.
sorry I’m still thinking about that anon who said they were up til 6:30 reading angsty Tim Drake fic and I respect that. the angst market is booming for a reason. but were I EVER to get back into writing fan fic I would contribute exactly one (1) thing to the DC fandom and that would be transcripts of Bat Watch, the Batman conspiracy podcast that Tim and Steph record in Tim’s closet while taking fat rips off a bat bong