Hey y'all, it's been absolute eons since I've been around. I've not been apart of the COD fandom for a while or writing but I felt that I had to speak up in case others weren't aware of what was going on with a specific Zine for the COD Fandom. Tagging them because at this point, everyone deserves answers.
Please ignore some of the tags though trying to get this post out there to be seen by the fandom since it's fucking bad.
@sunshine-soap-zine
Basically, in short, all money meant for the Zine and merch was used up by Micky (one of the people in charge of it). Merch has allegedly thankfully been made and SOME has been shipped out, digitial copies of the Zine exist, but the physical Zine itself? There's no money left.
Over $6,500 was raised in profits that was supposed to go to Care for Gaza and Stonewall Scotland, two important charities near and dear to many, but all of that was used up and now there isn't even money left for the physical Zines, much less the charities.
You read that right - over $6,500 USD was set and slated in proceeds were to go to charities progressing LGBTQ+ rights and supporting those in a genocide and it's all been used up by one person and they still don't have the money to produce physical Zines and to get them out to those who paid for them. That's not even counting the original money MEANT for the Zines themselves too.
The Zine was centered around our beloved Soap MacTavish - who happens to be my favorite character. Seriously, I absolutely adore Soap. He's my favorite beyond favorite, so when I saw there was a Zine that happened to come across my timeline, I was thrilled! Especially because there were many artists there who I've either bought work from prior or who I'd been following for a while and was happy to see them finally get their stuff printed!
And now it's been unfolding in a disastrous way and I'm so... baffled, disappointed, and pissed off. I'm putting this under the cut because this is going to be a VERY long post.
Now, before I start into this shitshow, let me make two things abundantly clear:
This is NOT related to the Soap Journal Zine - they are two SEPERATE projects run by different people. DO NOT GO AFTER THEM OR ASK THEM ABOUT IT, they are unrelated.
The moderators, writers, and artists had nothing to do with this. NOTHING They were just as unaware as we (the public and consumers) were. They were not informed of any of this until the twitter and instagram post early this morning/late last night. They're not responsible for the actions of the person in charge and had no clue this was happening. If they did, they'd be exactly as appalled as they are now, I'm sure. They would've done something. But multiple artists and people on the actual discord have come forward and said that they, flat out, weren't aware and have expressed their disappointment and anger.
DO NOT drag the moderators, writers, and artists. This isn't on them. The moderators are doing all that they can to try and fix things and are scrambling to find a solution for this clusterfuck. It's an absolute shit shown given what's been handed to them and how it's been dumped on them, but they're doing their absolute best. Plenty of them were victims of this too as they too contributed money and many of them bought bundles themselves!
Onto the meat of this.
This post was made on the instagram page and the twitter for the Zine:
And honestly? I'm not sure where to begin.
First and foremost, I'm not going to take into question their health. That's none of my business. I'm not going to call them a liar or state that that never happened - once again, none of my business. I'm not going to nitpick that and I do sincerely hope that they're well and things start to get better for them.
What DOES matter is that the money for the Zine was used up. It's gone. Y'know, the main anchor of the project that MANY artists put their blood, sweat, and tears into. A digital version was released months ago but the physical one is now into question.
Allegedly, all the other merch is on hand. Some people HAVE received some, but plenty others have not - especially those (like me) who had bundles.
Now, I'm not sure how much I actually believe this given that this bomb was dropped after months of near silence and the very rare occasional update.
I just said this but I'll say it again: I'm not sure where to begin because this is a fucking mess. So I guess I'll just start listing the issues first and foremost.
These are exact screenshots from the twitter. We were told directly that EVERYTHING was being made and everything was on track.
And then came the first delay.
Now I'm like most people, I realize things happen. Just because there's one delay doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Sometimes things take longer to manufacture, sometimes they take longer to ship, sometimes there's an issue in quality and you need it redone. Hey, the world isn't perfect and neither are we. I didn't think too much of it.
So it was pushed off, Etsy gave a notification to review and did it's usual notification where it'd ask you to report if you have any issues. I, in good faith, didn't refund it. Because I figured that doing so would yank the rug out from underneath and could cause issues when it came to production and shipping. I had faith.
Then, November rolled around. Then December. January. February. Updates were sparse, they seemed to be getting merch in and together. This should've been more of a red flag, comments asking seemed to be met with general reassurance that it was still happening. Not really specific but still at least trying to say it would happen which started to get fishier than a sardine factory.
The fact that it was pushed off from November/December and now we're in May and only SOME people are getting merch speaks volumes.
But you want to know why I'm really questioning this?
Etsy's policy for refunds is, drum roll.... 180 days. Just about six months after an initial purchase.
And guess what time line that aligns with?
Oh, right. Exactly. It aligns EXACTLY solidly past with what we're being told and when. Which means refunds are basically on "if I have the money and if I'm able to get it and you'll have to take my word"
Disputing with the bank may also not work because for many, this is WAY over the time to dispute charges. It goes for Etsy, it goes for the bank, and credit cards which were purchased on. Basically, it gives a "you're shit out of luck amigo" level of time.
FOR THOSE WHO ARE HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING A CHARGE BACK FROM THEIR BANK, here's the information on how to file a fraud report, including for Non-US residents! https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/faq
(Including this because Micky basically fucked us every which way here by waiting out the period and I do not think this was anything but intentional)
Which screams that this was planned beyond planned because you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that someone was dead silent on a project for months where they lost all the money because they were embarrassed alone.
Especially when the community, the artists, the mods, were incredibly amazing and VERY supportive. Hell, one artist who I've extensively bought merch from before even confirmed they'd have helped and would have tried to get shit figured out! Because that's the kind of people they are. They want to help, they understand things happen, they wanted everyone to get what they ordered as this is a passion project for them too. The point is, the mods would've at least had a plan and so much could've been avoided.
It all aligns far too suspiciously. Embarrassment? Like this isn't more fucking embarrassing? Like this isn't humiliating and stressful beyond admitting to your mods you fucked up and finding out a game plan instead of remaining radio silent?
Oh, by the way
THE ETSY SHOP IS CLOSED which makes it even harder by the way.
Yep.
Closed.
You can't leave a review. You can't comment. You can't do anything aside from hope Etsy might take your side, but after it's been this long, it's very unlikely to happen.
I'm only saying allegedly because I do not have a screencap from the discord, seeing as I'm not on it, but I was told by someone who was in there that they were all told that the money raised for two charities was donated in December. I'm taking their word that they were told it was already donated.
Either way, point being, the proceeds were SUPPOSED to go to two charities.
And this wasn't a little pittle of money, oh no. This was supposed to be a big amount
And now that's most certainly not happening.
The entire reason I felt GOOD about getting literally everything (I mean I saved for the everything bundle, I went to the T-shirt and hoodie, I even BOUGHT RAFFLE TICKETS and won one of the prototypes for fucks sake) was because any profit was going to worthy causes. The profits weren't supposed to be lining anyone's pockets, it was supposed to be going to two very worthy charities that are helping actual people in need who could desperately use it.
(Linking to the charities right here BTW)
Care for Gaza
Stonewall Scotland
This massive amount of money was supposed to go there and yet now that's not going to happen because even the books can't be produced. The very core of it.
And (allegedly) they said that it had already been donated.
I cannot express how fucking furious I am that someone would do something so vile as LIE ABOUT DONATING TO A CHARITY THAT'S HELPING PROVIDE AID IN AN ACTIVE GENOCIDE
Let that sink in. Let that stew.
That's what Micky fucking lied about. That's where the money was supposed to go. And now? Now that won't ever come close. I'm furious, insulted, and a list of fifty other million things that will have me foaming at the mouth if I think of them.
How can you be so low as to LIE about that? To lie about giving money to those in need? To fuck up the funds that badly? I would say I have no words, but I do. Just right now, all of them would rightfully have to be censored for how fucking deplorable this is.
Okay, so I'm no expert financial advisor, but I'm going to lay out what has to happen and what SHOULD happen for any project (especially a collaborative one)
Whenever a project is supposed to take place, money SHOULD be set aside in a separate account. This money is placed there because it's for that project, for that project alone, and shouldn't be touched. This is how things are funded. People gave you the money for something to be done, you put that money aside, you use that money and withdraw it when time comes to pay for production or whatever else that needs to be done.
It's in a separate account because that's not meant as YOUR money. Not until a project is done, and most certainly not to be lumped in with everything else. After all, you need to keep invoices and have your ducks in a row - especially when it's a massive amount and it comes time to do taxes. That streamlines it and is vital. It helps determine what expenses went where and is how you remain transparent.
Now, how a debit card works is that it's pretty much always automatically tied to a checking account. It will always pull money from said account when you use it. That's the basis of it and why it's not a credit card.
That means that all of the money was tied to a debit card and this card was GIVEN TO SOMEONE for use other than for the project. This was a debit card that was somehow casually used several times until the money was gone.
Now, I'm really calling bullshit or that's extreme money mismanagement. Because anyone who has run any business or project will tell you: Business funds separate, you do NOT mesh them with personal. That's not your money to use.
HOW was the money used on medical bills like that and that easily when it should've been in a separate fund?
Why was it tied to that debit card? Why was that casually carried around? Why was that given to someone who had no ties to the project?
And what would have been done if that money wasn't there? That's my question too.
The money wasn't handled properly and it resulted in it being GONE. Medical bills are an absolute bitch and a half and yeah, the American healthcare system sucks major sweaty donkey balls, but that's not what the money was for.
Sorry, that might come off as harsh but it's the truth. That money is not for personal use. You took on a project, you committed to it, you spent the money on something that wasn't that. Regardless of the cause, cause I'm not going to dig and debate on how true the medical stuff is, what happened is
The money isn't there and the money was used for something other than it's intended purpose - the money people GAVE to fulfill a project that they were eagerly waiting on, and plenty worked hard for.
That's fraud. Flat out. Shit happens but that's not shit happening alone. That's basic fraud. Wrongful deception that resulted in financial gain. And considering the fact that we were lied to for months, it easily falls under that definition.
Oh, also mentioning that this isn't a small amount of money given. Considering the donations were close to $7,000 USD, much MORE was taken in for everything - but that means that well over $7,000 was spent because that part was meant to be donated and yet there's still no money for the Zines.
I'm going to have good faith and will go with the merch is mainly done, because some people have gotten packages and received some. Maybe that's misguided, maybe I'm a hopeful cunt, but pics HAVE been shown of merch and some people have received them.
Point still is - the Zine isn't here. The physical version? Non-existent. We were lied to for MONTHS that it was under production and all was well.
The donations? Spent. Gone. Over $6,000 USD. There's no money left to produce the Zines. Money? Tied to a debit card and used on personal expenses.
Now I'm not entirely heartless, medical situations can put anyone in a hard place, but medical issues do not excuse misusing money given to you for something you PROMISED, a project you voluntarily took on, and lying for MONTHS on end until no one could get a refund without basically having to go to the god damn government to fist fight for it.
You cannot use money that's not yours for things that they're not for. End of story. Doesn't matter what happens, doesn't matter how valid the claims are or not, using money for what it wasn't intended for for your own personal sake is TEXTBOOK FRAUD.
This harms literally fucking everyone involved.
Obviously, the charities that the money was supposed to go to. Lying about giving money to charity is a low, promising to do it and using it on yourself for any reason is LOW. I'm sorry, I felt comfortable giving money because I knew profit would go to help struggling queer people and people victims of a literal genocide, not go towards one person in particular. That's disgusting, deplorable, and I've got no amount of bad words I can string together because nothing comes close to the hatred and vitrol I feel right now.
The artists who worked VERY hard on this and bless them, MANY ARE RELEASING THEIR ART AND STORIES FOR FREE ON THEIR PLATFORMS AFTER THESE EVENTS, now have this tied to their name through no fault of their own. This is a project that was a first for many of them - a first chance to see their art in a project, their first collaboration, their first time to get their art published and to feel it in their hands. And this is the thanks they get after being the backbone. The fucking disregard to these lovely people who were the backbone of the project and the only reason why it exists is appalling. To go radio silent on them, on the mods who HELPED, and to steal money out from under everyone is appalling, disgusting, and deplorable. They worked so damn hard on this and for many, this may be a reason why they never do a zine again, because it's that awful.
This is something that ties their name to a project that's now experiencing major drama and scandal. And if someone doesn't look into it, they might associate them with that, they might not buy from them (gods I hope that doesn't happen because they do not deserve this or any flak) - you're harming their livelihoods, their career, and are smearing mud on their reflections.
Here's a list of the artists who took part for anyone interested and PLEASE PLEASE support them if you can, even if it's only a like or reblog! Many are releasing their works to the public and all have been affected by this clusterfuck. They're absolutely amazing and have made beautiful pieces. I cannot say it enough that they've done wonderful work and deserve every bit of positive recognition outside of this fuckery.
This, naturally, financially harms the people who PAID for this. Me personally? I fucking saved for this and now I'm not sure I'm even going to get the basics of what I got. I spent about $400 USD which isn't anything light, this isn't chump change, or something I toss around likely. I know I'm lucky to even have that much but Christ on a cracker, I love Soap so much and thought it was going to good causes, I feel fucking sick knowing it didn't. I'm holding out hope that the mods can arrange something - I'll take what I can get, but I'll go fight tooth and nail for a refund if I don't.
Not blaming the mods either as this harms them like a grenade to the nads. They DID NOT KNOW, I'm stating this again, THE MODS TO THIS PROJECT WERE UNAWARE OF THIS RUG PULL. THEY ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE, THEY'RE HANDLING THE FALLOUT. They're doing the best they can but I'm not counting on miracles. After all, they've basically been woken up to being told ON FUCKING TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM "oh the money is gone I spent it. gonna try to get money for the zines sorz". My lord, I can't even imagine how awful I'd feel and the panic. Because now they have to scramble and run around like chickens with their heads cut off because they were thrown a flashbang of fuckery and now?
Micky disappears for the weekend.
That's really the icing on the cake.
Health issues or not, you can't drop this massive fucking nuclear bomb after months of near radio silence and then go off for the weekend and leave your mods to deal with that.
"I am doing everything in my power to rectify this situation"
HA
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
If you were, you wouldn't be leaving your mods for the weekend. You'd actually be addressing comments and concerns. You wouldn't be making MORE EMPTY PROMISES.
I'm not believing one word that comes out of Micky's mouth because I did before and look at where that got me. I'm not going to take the word and value of someone who says they'll refund after purposefully lying for MONTHS and waiting out the period that Etsy and most credit card companies will refund for.
If you wanted to do everything in your power, you'd not offer more hollow promises, you'd offer complete financial transparency, you'd actively START getting your ass to work on this instead of dropping a statement, saying three things, and scampering off.
If you were doing everything in your power, we wouldn't be here, now would we?
Leaving now is telling not only me that you don't give a fuck and you don't respect the situation, but you do not respect the very people who made this possible and helped you EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
I'm irate, I'm furious, I'm so pissed off that I took a step back into the fandom and clawed my way out of the coffin where I buried myself for this.
You lied to me, you lied to the artists, the writers, the mods, the charities - to EVERYONE involved. You kept us all in the dark, you took our money and hard work, and spit in our face. And you go off for a god damn weekend after ripping out our hearts and trust alike, and leave them to clean up the mess you made for your own selfish sake.
Soap wouldn't fucking want this. Not for his memory to go down like this.
What a god damn sick way to "honor" it and to pretend like you care. Fictional character or not, he's my absolute favorite and means the world to me. If it weren't for him and COD, honestly I wouldn't be going down the career path I am, I wouldn't have the future I do. And I took a leap of faith because I wanted to support the community, I wanted to support the artists and writers who pour their heart and soul into what they do. I wanted to honor the silly fictional mohawk man who meant so much to me who, as stupid as it sounds, changed my life.
And this is the thanks we get for the community who supported you, who trusted you, who believed in you, who waited so patiently for this, who wanted to do something good not only for themselves but everyone around them, who were excited for this - who dared to hope for the best.
Jamie, you have to work tomorrow! You have an early shift!
Me: "OKAY BUT FIRST!."
reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something
This is just sad but it also has feels with soo many levels 😭
I really eat for platonic fics
You loved your Dad. You really did. You may not know him, but you knew he was a good man, a soldier. But you don't remember a time where he was really there for you. One day, he sits at the table with you, asking you questions and all you can think of, is why?
A/N: I absolutely didn't base this off of a c.ai Bot I talked with. Absolutely not. Now cry like I have.
TW: yelling, family argument, ilugky crying, fighting, discussions about absent father, exactly that father trying his best, people saying things they don't mean or want to say, !!NO ABUSE!!
You had come home from college, when you already saw the strange truck in the driveway. It took a few minutes before you remembered it was his truck. You father was back. You weren't bothered, but it also didn't spark any real type of joy in you. Your keys jingling, you opened the front door, kicked off your shoes, threw your backpack next to them and looked for you mother to say hello.
You mother was in the living room, lounging on the couch, a thick arm around her shoulder, as you could see your father's head buried in her hair, slowly scratching his scalp. "Hey Mom." She didn't perk up like usually, her eyes only scanning you drowsily. It was kind off cute. She smiled, greeting you back softly, her voice a bit cracked. She had cried, but you didn't bother. Of course she did. "Hey John." You smiled at your father as well, even if it was a tad more blank than the one given to your mother. He noticed, if course he did.
Dinner was already done, so stalking into teh kitchen to serve yourself some food, there were a bunch of small candies strewn on the table. You recognized them. The tiny pinkish Bonbons wrapped in yellow, blue and green paper, a fancy font slapped onto it displaying it's name. You had eaten these a bunch when you were little. But you hadn't for about 10 years at that point. You sighed. It was a cute gesture, so you stuffed them in your pocket. One of your friends would eat them, it would be okay.
Finishing your dinner and putting away the plates, John accompanied you in the kitchen. "Hey, Mouse. How was school?" "Good." An awkward silence settled into the room. "Anything special happened?" "No." Another period of silence as he sat down at the table, in front of where you had been sitting. "I see you took the candy?" "I'll give it to a friend. I don't like them." He looked a bit confused. "I thought you liked them? You always lived them as a child." You sighed, taking your seat. "Exactly. I was a child. I don't like them anymore, too sugary sweet." You didn't know what he thought, not being able to read him like your mother.
"What uh... What have you been up to while I'm gone?" "Studying. I have a Job to earn some pocket money. Got new friends." "Are you dating anyone?" You shook your head. "Not interested right now. Maybe some day." He smiled. "That's good. Wanting to focus on your studies first." "I want to be there for Mom, that's all. If I get a partner, paired with the Job and my studies, I won't be able to be there for her. Don't want her to basically loose her only other family member." Your words struck John, his gaze flickering to your Mom still lounging on the couch.
"I-" he paused and sighed, scratching his neck. "I know I wasn't always there. But I have a few months off now, so we could... We could do something together. If you want." You shrugged. "Sure. Anything specific?" "I hoped you might have some suggestions." You chuckled. Of course. "Well. What do you like to do?" He pondered. He actually didn't really know. He usually stayed home, doing something fun like going to theme parks or taking the kids to teh ice cream parlour down the street. "I don't mind as long as we do something together. I really missed you two and we could do something together, I thought. As a family."
"That's sweet, John." You simply added. "Let Mom plan something, she's better at it than I am." Another round of silence brewed over them. "You stopped calling me Dad." Price stated, matter of factly and you flinched. You tried to avoid the subject. "Yeah." You paused. How would you let him know without sounding harsh? "I don't think it's right someone you don't know your father. It shouldn't be that way." Your words stung. They stung to actually admit, but they stung more to be heard by your father. You loved him, you did. But you just weren't sure if he really was your father. Biologically, yes. But he had never been there for you, or your Mom.
"I'm... Sorry. I'll try to make it up." "It's okay, you don't need to. You already lost my entire childhood, I don't think a few years more will matter." You mumbled, glancing at the table. You really didn't want to look at him right now. You were being honest, you remembered him always preaching to be honest to him and his Mom, so that they could always be honest with you. So you did just that. What would it do to hide your hurt? You could feel the way he had to digest your words. "I know I wasn't there in your life. But I would like to be. Please, Mouse. Let us.. talk. Tell me what you like, what you want, I'll get it."
You huffed. "I don't want anything money can buy. I want a father. A real one." Your words sounded harsher than they should have, tone sharp and accusatory. "Sorry, that's not... I just meant I don't need anything from you. Thank you though." He stared at you, you could feel your body heating up at his stare. Or was that your feeling of guilt making you feel this way? "I understand." was the last words spoken in the small room for a while. "I know I was absent. I promise you, I missed you all the time. I just wanted to hold you, see you grow up... I hated coming here with you having already achieved so many milestones. Milestones I couldn't witness, a baby that was mine, that I didn't raise sits in front of me as an adult. I know it's not supposed to be this way, and I really want to make it up. To get to know you. Please."
Your breath was shaky, as you looked out the window to the garden, tears starting to burn in your eyes. "I needed a father. Not a soldier that was never here." You muttered, you voice waivering slightly. "I know." He leaned forwards, putting his hands on yours. You pulled it backwards instinctively, regretting the action on the spot, as you saw his hand retract back, hesitantly, he spoke again: "I know it hurts." "Do you? Do you really?!" You felt your patience snap, something in you just telling you to scream at him, another part begging you not to, he was a poor man working his job and trying his best for you, he couldn't do anything against the fact that his best just wasn't enough. Startled, his eyes finally found yours, fury in your eyes as you stood up.
"Because I know how much it hurt watching you leave! Every single time, seeing your back as you got into the truck and disappeared for months! Do you know how it broke Mom?! I took care of her, when she was depressed, not being able to get out of bed because the thought struck her that you could be dead!" Your mother shuffled into the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed because of the commotion. Your voice was louder, even if you weren't shouting, it was simply slightly raised by your anger. "When she didn't know how to fix something in the house. I tried my best to look it up and do it myself! I did the heavy lifting, I was that one kid in school who only ever had her mother! They called her a whore, you know that?! I protected Mom, I protected myself! Because you weren't there, like you should have been!"
He seemed surprised, before his body slumped into itself. Exhaustion clear on his features. You felt pity, but you also felt you weren't done. You wanted to be down so bad. Why did everyone else get what they wanted but not you? "I'm sorry, I wish I could go back, do it all again, make different choices, but I can't. And I hope we can go forward together, Mouse. I don't want to loose you becaus eif my mistakes, little one. I know my Job isn't an excuse to not be there for you and your Mom, I..." He paused, taking a shaky breath. "I tried to protect you by keeping threats out of this country, people away from weapons they shouldn't have, and yet I failed to realise it was too far away for you. And I... I hope you can forgive me like your mother can, e-" "No, I can't!" You screamed, interrupting your father in his speech.
"I can't and I won't! How can I forgive a man I don't know?!" You started to cry, the sadness and disappointment mixing with you anger and simply becoming too much, as tears fell down your face and sobs and whines accompanied you. "The only one in this house that knows you is she!" Pointing towards your mother, Price didn't even need to follow you finger, the only other person in this house being her. "I know. I know. I want to get to know you, so please, calm down, sit, let us talk about ourselves. Please. I just want to be a father for you." "WELL YOU WON'T BE!" your mother gasped, John startled and you stopped in your track, knowing you went too far. You didn't even mean to say it, it just slipped out.
Grabbing a tissue, you pushed her stunned mother aside, making your way up the stairs to your room, as your crying became more violent. You heard your father scramble up in his seat as you were halfway up the stairs, his heavy feet booming on the floorboard, as he reached you when you were at the top of the stairs. "Please, Honey. I know it's a lot, but I really want to know you, I want you to know me, let us start a new beginning, please! I'll be there for you!" You turned towards him. "Until you have to leave again. I know your Job still comes first, John." "I won't let you down, I promise! I'll.. I'll find a way!" You huffed, your eyes gazing upwards to the ceiling, trying to hold back even more tears, even though they dropped anyways. "I know you won't."
"They will call and you will leave, and then we won't hear anything form you until you suddenly show back up. And then we'll have to talk to each other again! That's not how it's supposed to be! That's now how it should be! You should be here for me, and I know this is selfish and rude and mean, but I just wanted a normal family!" John shook, you could see tears forming in his eyes, as he realized the pain he actually caused you. "I'm sorry I failed you." "It's okay." Your voice sounded oddly at peace then. "I stopped believing in you a long time ago." You entered your room, locking it, as you pushed your back to the door, falling to the ground. For a few seconds you could controll yourself, before your son's, cries, whails and whimpers were unconfined escaping your mouth. You just wanted to scream, punch, run. You loved him. He was your father, so why did it hurt this much?
John, on the other hand. Stood frozen, tears catching in his muttonchops, as he stared at your closed door, posters decorating it he had never seen before, drawings and pictures of friends he didn't know. He had gone wrong so many times, why, oh why didn't he realize it sooner?
*Incoming long personal rant.*
Reading this made me tear a bit. I had a medical operation back in June and July, that made me not move too much with my arms for at least a month. I can move back to normal-ish since September. That September I played the OG Call of Duty though prior to this I played MW2019 way back and played it on repeat while MW2022 I just watched repeatedly lol.
Just need to acknowledge myself since I was in a series of transitions of my life: I had graduation as a Fine Artist (as a Cum Laude, shocking for me.) on June, 1st operation on June also, then 2nd operation in July and after that recovery till September where I considered myself in ✨funemployed era✨.
Now I need to acknowledge my feelings and things, too many feelings at once I am currently realizing that I have. Prior to before operation, we had a tradition called baccalaureate mass for the graduation class, I was unable to attend due to medical procedures that day and I cried a lot for days, liked very hard, that my parents said why I was so moody at that time they kinda not acknowledge the reason I'm sad and that I 'overreacted' lol (well that's not new to me). I admit I had lost some opportunities as an artist. One of them is having an art exhibition as an alumni, just a jumpstart that I am unable to due because I just recovered from my 1st operation. The spark as an artist after the operations kinda died in me(for months). I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself but sometimes I can't help it. Many lost opportunities and moments were a lost for me at first.
Call of Duty, for its fandom and content, (besides the toxicity) I love and especially this Tumblr CoD community. Writers, artists, and the people made me realize that maybe life isn't too bad after all. Thank you writers, artists, and people for making it such a comfy place towards people like me. You people made people like me, come back to making writings and artworks that we're grateful for or others that use this community as a viewing pleasure and something to deep dive into. Hope we last long and yeet that certain recent official canon lol.
your worth doesn't come from what you provide as an artist or as a person you're enough on your own
Getting mass-send ask lately spamming asks and dms asking for monetary donations 5,10,25, sometimes I see 50 dollars asking for money.
I'm sorry to the legit Gaza people but there are mixes of Gaza scammers who are guilt tripping me for needing to donate money that ended me deleting the asks/chats due to stress because of their constant spamming and messaging.
I cannot differentiate from legit to scammers anymore so I am DELETING asks plus comments on my blog and BLOCKING ANYONE (AND EVERYONE ONE OF YOU) who sends one every time.
I'm sorry please find someone else to donate. Sorry not taking chances and risks.
I am an artist who is not only broke but is in a third world country. I am barely surviving and have barely any money to get by.
!!! % for editing: 𖥻
★ canva (there's a lot of different templates)
★ photopea (alternative to photoshop)
!!! % for gif making/editing: 𖥻
★ ezgif (a very complete tool to create and edit gifs)
★ bloggif (different old school gif editing effects)
★ picmix (to create blingee type of gifs)
★ glitterfy (to put glitter all over your chosen image)
!!! % for gif text: 𖥻
★ cooltext (burning, glittery and glowy text generator)
★ bloggif text (glitter text generator)
★ gigaglitters (glitter text generator)
★ glitterfy words (glitter text generator)
!!! % for fancy fonts: 𖥻
★ messletters
!!! % to remove background: 𖥻
★ remove.bg
!!! % to pick colors and swatches from a picture: 𖥻
★ image color picker
!!! % for aesthetic symbols and kaomojis: 𖥻
★ amino post
★ emoji combos
★ emoji db
★ kaomoji
!!! % for blinkies, dividers, gifs and stamps : 𖥻
★ blinkies generator
★ @animatedglittergraphics-n-more (blog that posts said content)
★ @graphics-cafe (blog that posts said content)
Lindsey Stirling — Shatter Me {Sentence Starters}
“Shatter me.”
“Then, I’ll have to fly.”
“I pirouette in the dark.”
“I wouldn’t be so alone.”
“The world is spinning…”
“I’m scared of changing.”
“The days stay the same.”
“Somebody, shine a light.”
“So, cut me from the line.”
“Dizzy, spinning endlessly.”
“I’m frozen by the fear in me.”
“I see the stars through a mirror.”
“Somebody, make me feel alive.”
“If only the clockwork could speak…”
“If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly.”
“The world is spinning, but only in gray.”
“There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive.”
“Somebody, make me feel alive and shatter me.”
“Tired mechanical heart, beats ‘til the song disappears.”
“If only the clockwork could speak, I wouldn’t be so alone.”
“We’d burn every magnet and spring, and spiral into the unknown.”
This musical slaps you with reality. One hour in, I'm already in tears.
Ang Huling El Bimbo Musical
"Lift your head, baby, dont be scared
Of the things that could go wrong along the way"
IM FUCKING FUMING. The fact that Activision leaves Gaz out of their 141 battle pass is insane. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE. Price, Ghost, and Soap are there. They can bring DEAD Soap back. But WHERE THE FUCK IS GAZ?! And don't even get me started on the fact that Farah and Valeria are THERE?! BEFORE GAZ?! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
They're NOT hiding it anymore. The underappreciation and blatant disrespect towards Gaz and Elliot Knight as a whole is insufferable. And it's not helping their case that it's during BHM.
And no offense, but whoever gets angry over my post, I quite frankly don't give a fuck. As a Gaz stan, im super DONE and in the right to get ANGRY when he gets excluded on EVERYTHING.
Cee(24y/o) here! MDNIWelcome my stuff blog! Art and fanfic blog: @aiceearts
187 posts