Febuwhump Day 19: Death Wish (Captain America)

Febuwhump Day 19: Death Wish (Captain America)

“So why did you decide to crash the plane into the ice? Wasn’t there another option?”

The breath froze in Steve’s lungs. He blinked at the interviewer, who was leaning over his desk with concerned eyebrows and a wicked glint in his eyes.

That question hadn’t been on the approved list.

They’d promised they would stick to the list. It was the only reason Steve had agreed to a live interview, his first since being thawed out, his first since coming into this new world where he was a piece of history, not a person.

And now they asked him this, on live TV.

Steve cleared his throat, clasped and unclasped his hands between his khaki-clad knees. “I’m not sure I understand the question,” he said quietly, hoping that would be enough to re-route the interviewer back to the list.

The interviewer didn’t take the hint. Instead, he unfolded a piece of paper, tapping it with one manicured finger. “Your decision to ground the plane has been studied by experts since the records were declassified,” he said, flashing perfect teeth in a predatory grin. “They estimate there were at least six other ways out of the situation without taking it down. So why was that the route you took? Was it a death wish?”

Steve’s throat closed. For a moment, he could only see the glaring white of the ice through the windshield, hear the static of the radio, the shriek of the wind…

He kept his jaw set, measuring each breath until his vision cleared and he could see the room again. The studio audience waited in breathless anticipation; the interviewer had arranged his face into an expression of polite concern. Somewhere behind him, Steve could hear the furiously whispered argument as SHIELD’s PR rep urged the television crew to go to a commercial break.

“Your experts are misinformed. There was no other option,” Steve said quietly, once he was sure he could keep his voice steady. Then he got to his feet, moving quickly enough that nobody expected the movement until he was shaking the surprised interviewer’s immaculately-manicured hand, squeezing hard enough that the bones creaked under his fingers. “Thank you for having me today,” he said loudly, speaking over the interviewer’s gasp of pain.

The exits were blocked—there was no easy way off the stage. That didn’t bother Steve. He locked eyes with the first kid in the audience he saw, and pulled a pen out of his pocket as he stepped over the camera cables and into the studio audience, leaving the stammering interviewer, cradling his hand, alone on the stage.

Within seconds he was safely surrounded by a delighted crowd seeking autographs. The audience door was a few yards away, and beyond that was freedom.

This interview was over.

But even as Steve smiled and worked his way towards the door, signing hats and hands and t-shirts as he went, the only thing he could hear was the whistle of the wind through the desolate cockpit, and the tremble in Peggy’s voice as she bravely talked him through those last few minutes.

No, there had been no death wish. In that final moment, Steve had wanted to live more than he ever had before.

It had made his choice all the harder.

And now, stranded in this new world, where people analyzed his decisions, dissected and pulled him apart like some grotesque thought experiment, he found himself more isolated even than he had been on that doomed plane.

Because then, at least, he’d had someone who cared.

————

Written for @febuwhump

More Posts from Elanorpevensie and Others

3 weeks ago

nothing will ever live up to the moment when after devouring over 250 pages deeply immersed in the characters and story and after the emotions of the proposal I reached the very end of the letter that turns everything on its head only to find out that Mr Darcy's name is Fitzwilliam


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1 month ago
Im Not The First Artist To Give This A Go But This Scene Is Sooo Pretty

im not the first artist to give this a go but this scene is sooo pretty


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4 weeks ago

Have you ever considered a character role-swap AU for either the Clone Wars era or the Rebels era?

i drew a sith padme ages ago and more recently did that cal-trilla swap au, but let's make MORE of one!!!

Have You Ever Considered A Character Role-swap AU For Either The Clone Wars Era Or The Rebels Era?
Have You Ever Considered A Character Role-swap AU For Either The Clone Wars Era Or The Rebels Era?

(commission info // tip jar!)


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2 months ago

happy april fools. please take this egg

image

hahahahahha………………..

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youve been fooled………………by the april fools beeper……………..it was a fully grown bird the entire time…..no egg………………it tells u it hopes u hav a good april 1st

3 weeks ago

Rewatching the pilot for comfort reasons, and the way Coulson approaches May in the office about wanting her on his team... Tells her it's not a combat op gig, how they'd be the ones picking the ops, making the calls... No red tape... And he quips with his stupid smirk, amused, "This is where they actually make the red tape, isn't it? I always wondered."

She smiles. She misses it. Misses the action. Misses him. She confined herself to a desk bc she couldn't trust herself in the field after Bahrain. She can't get hurt again at a desk (besides a nasty paper cut 💀)... But that doesn't mean she doesn't miss her old life in the field. She just prioritized keeping her emotions securely under lock and key over what she wanted bc it's what she thinks she deserves after what happened. She can't afford to hurt anyone else. It's safer this way for everybody.

Thank goodness one (1) Phillip J. Coulson convinced her to leave the desk and red tape creation behind to "just drive the Bus." 🥹🫶🏻


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3 months ago

Both Selfish; you each lose 2 points

You Selfish, prev Cooperative; You gain 2 points

You Cooperative, prev Selfish; You lose 1 point, prev gains 1 point

Both Cooperative; You Each gain 1 points

(ps make sure to say what you voted)

Making this post long so you have to scroll to see prev's tags.


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1 month ago

reblog to remind prev they're not a bother and their presence is wanted <3

3 months ago

I’ve been wanting for a while to do a comparison of Dante’s Divine Comedy with CS Lewis’ The Great Divorce, since the latter is very much modelled after the former (with George MacDonald in the place of Virgil) and they deal with very similar concepts.

My first inpression of the difference between them is that Dante develops a very specific and granular categorization and hierarchy on sins throughout the Inferno and Purgatorio, whereas to me all of the ones that Lewis showed were variations on a commonn theme of pride, the choice of one’s own opinions and preconceptions and self-image over heaven. In Lewis’ words, “There is always something they prefer to joy.” But as I think about it more closely, I think there are more specific correspondences between the two.

As Dorothy L. Sayers discusses in the introduction to her translation of the Commedia, there are two types of allegories: ones where all the characters are representations of specific concepts (such as in Spencer’s The Fairie Queen or Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress), or one where characters with their own names and identities can stand in for specific concepts: Virgil is Virgil, but he also represents Human Reason, Ciacco is an actual Florentine who existed, but he also represents gluttony, and so forth. This makes the characters more real and alive than the first type of allegories usually feel, and also allows the work to show nuances in its concepts by having multiple characters representing the same concept and so showing different nuances of it. Both the Commedia and The Last Divorce are the latter types, but they differ in how they design their characters: in the Commedia they are specific, named characters from Dante’s time, or from history, mythology, or the Bible. Lewis doesn’t do this (probably wisely; in an age of mass media, if he was sending MPs to Hell, any conversation about the books would be about that, and not about the book’s themes); instead he gives them epithets like the Big Ghost, and Hard-bitten Ghost, and Ghost in a Bowler; I will sometimes give them other names in this post. One of the thinfs this lets Lewis do is to deliberately subvert the prominence of famous religious and historical figures in the Comedy by having his celebrated and beloved ‘great saint’ in Heaven be not a figure from the Bible or later Christian history, but an ordinary woman named Sarah Smith with an ordinary life who was good, kind, and loving to everyone she met.

As an example of how Dante and Lewis work similarly and yet differently: the concept of Avarice. Dante shows it in both Hell and Purgatory, in different forms - people who ‘getting and spending, laid waste their powers’ (the Ciardi translation actually puts it similarly to that’. Lewis has no one who rejects Heaven based on desire for personal possessions; what he has instead is the character I’ll call the Economist, who says that the reason everyone in Hell spreads out (because they quarrel all the time) is because there are no commodities to drive them to live closer together, and tries futilely to bring back one of the - extraordinarily heavy, to him - apples of Heaven as such as commodity. (Is Lewis deliberately recalling the heavy rocks rolled by the Avaricious? Probably a stretch.) His problem is not a personal desire for riches, but the need to see the world in exclusively material terms and the only solution to problems as material ones.

Another example. Lewis, like Dante, has an example of heresy, and the connection between them came to me because of Sayers’ line in her commentary, quoting Charles Williams, that “the heretic accepted the Church, but preferred his own judgement to that of the church…an obduracy of mind, an intellectual obstinacy.” All of those traits are seen in one of Lewis’ ghosts, a self-identified Christian who denies the Resurrection and insists that one cannot know any spiritual truths for certain and that he wouldn’t want to, because it would prevent free inquiry and intellectual broadness. (In opposition to the heavenly spirit he is speaking to, who insists that the point of intellectual inquiry is to learn what is true.) This ghost has another particular trait that recurs in different forms a few times in The Great Divorce: he expresses the, on the surface laudable, sentiment that he’s not of any use in heaven whereas in hell he can help people. The recurrent sentiment - from him, from the Tragedian, from the Economist, from an artist (sort of), from a variety of planners and improvers who are mentioned in passing - is the need to be needed, and the two former of these are explicitly told that they are not needed, though they are certainly wanted and welcomed. The very gratuitousness of heaven leads some to reject it.

As a further example: the Sullen, in Dante, are one of the more problematic aspects of Hell, as their fate seems rather excessively harsh just for being grumpy (or melancholy, in you like). Lewis takes a bit of a different tack that sheds some light on it. There’s an elderly ghost in Heaven who we only see complaining to heavenly friend about how dreadful her life was. George MacDonald explains to Lewis that if she’s simply an old lady with a bad habit of grumbling, she’ll accept heaven and be well in the end; but if there’s nothing left of her but grumbling, there’s nothing to be done. The sullenness that Dante depicts is here shown as a person who is looking joy in the face, who is standing in the midst of joy, but is unable to see it in their focus in dwelling on past wrongs.

Curiously, Lewis - unlike Dante in the eighth and ninth circles - spends very little time on those who are deeply evil, beyond saying “Those that hate goodness are sometimes nearer it than those that know nothing at all about it and think they have it already.” Rather than Malice, the characteristic of the lowest levels of Dante’s hell, Lewis focuses on a range of forms of distorted love that, I think, we do not see equivalents to in the Commedia. The Commedia’s characterization of the roots of evil in forms of distorted or ill-governed love (or desire) is very helpful to this concept. Virgil (via Aristotle?) characterizes it in three classes: love of thy neighbour’s ill (Pride, Envy, and Wrath: desire to put someone down for your own aggradizement, resentment of someone’s rise because it dininishes you in comparison, and immoderate anger in response to wrongs), insufficient love (Sloth - which in Lewis would likely be represented by those who don’t get on the bus at all) and excessive love of earthly things (Avarice, Gluttony, and Lust).

Lewis takes his critique well beyond that to various forms of non-sexual love for people that are nonetheless harmful to them or others. (This gets into his idea, expressed in Till We Have Faces, that in the absence of grace all human loves are ultimately selfish.) There’s a woman, who in a determination to “improve” her husband socioeconomically and culturally, drove away all his friends and pushed him into a career that made him miserable until he ultimately died of sheer unhappiness, and on her visit to Heaven can speak of nothing but all the thankless work she did on his behalf, and futilely demand to be allowed to ‘manage’ him again. There’s a woman who loved her son so all-consumingly that she neglected everyone else in her life, and made them miserable after his death by reorienting her life and theirs entirely around mourning him.


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5 months ago
So I'm A Little Too Obsessed Now And Ordered This And The Art Book (which Comes Out In February) And

So I'm a little too obsessed now and ordered this and the art book (which comes out in February) and it's got some very interesting information about ages and relationships that'll be very useful going forward so I'll drop the ages below and anything else interesting I found

Helm: 55 years old, king for 5 years at this point in time, spent almost his entire life fighting the hill tribes and Dunlendings. This is what makes him a king who dislikes to be challenged ok his authority and decisions

Héra: 19 years old, deep love for nature and especially the more fantastical kind, her horse is Ashere. The rest, I'm sure you remember from the movie itself

Lief: 16 years old, main roles are protecting the old maps and scrolls that keep the laws and customs recorded

Haleth: 30 years old, first in line to the throne, not expected to rule for another 20 years based on Helm's own life. A brawler by nature, he's very intimidating to those who threaten his family and he's known as one of their best warriors skilled in sword, spear and axe

Háma: 22 years old, more of a gentler spirit than his father and brother, more passionate about the songs and legends. He likes to think of himself as a warrior poet and is always carrying his carved lyre. A skilled swordsman but an expert with bow and arrow

Fréaláf: 28 years old, lord of harrowdale and first marshal of the Riddermark, the highest military rank and is charged with protecting Edoras and the surrounding lands. His horse is named éored. He was raised alongside his cousins and so has a deep bond with them all but is not above teasing them frequently. He's also very ready to stand up to Helm if he believes a decision unwise

Olwyn: 45 years old, lady's maid to Héra but more become a mentor than a simple maid or servant. Thought in many battles over the years and has known great loss but finds ways to move forward and doesn't suffer fools. She sees herself in Héra as only she and a few others know Olwyn's past as a shield maiden

Freca: 40 years old, lord of the west-march. He claims to be descended from the fifth king of Rohan, Fréawine but his hair and beard instead cast doubt and suggest the Dunlendish blood runs through his veins instead. Has very little love for the kings of Rohan. Spends a lot of time dwelling on what he doesn't have and pays little heed to the king refusing summons to attend the witan

Wulf: 20 years old. Only son of Freca. His mother has also passed like with Héra. Quiet and intense most of the time, dressing in sombre colours. His belief that Héra loves him is very fragile. Expert in swords and bows. Has very little personal ambition at the start, growing up under his father's shadow and subject to his father's whims, despite this he loves his father and should anything happen he'll repay it tenfold. Should his youthful affection be spurned, that love will turn into a pathologically hatred for Helm, Héra and all the people of Rohan

General Targg: born and raised in Dunland, he has become a trusted advisor to Freca and will likely be key to Wulf's own reign. He is wise and calm but in the heat of battle will fight fiercely yet he retains a deep sense of honour as a warrior

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elanorpevensie - Dreaming of a Castle Library
Dreaming of a Castle Library

Christian FangirlMostly LotR, MCU, Narnia, and Queen's Thief

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