hey sorry it's just that i don't think i'm very good at being a person. thanks for letting me try with you, anyway.
The Batkids doing something considered rebellious and Bruce is unimpressed because "been there, done that" headcanon :
Damian runs away and sleeps under a bridge at some point -> Bruce did it at nine years old.
Tim gets piercings (bonus : Kon pierced him) -> Bruce had his nipples pierced by Minkhoa back in the days.
Jason gets home smelling of weed -> Bruce didn't only taste foreign food around the world when he was training...
Steph gets a mohawk -> Bruce had a bright pink mohawk at some point to piss Alfred off.
Dick anonymously starts an OF -> Bruce may or may not have leaked his own sextapes (yes, multiple) for "legitimate Batman-related" reasons.
Cass accidentally joins a cult -> Bruce and Minkhoa competitively founded a cult, to see who would get to be the ultimate guru.
Duke finds himself in custody for whatever silly reason really -> Bruce went to prison (more than once) (in different countries) (for terrible motives) (he's still blacklisted in some of those countries)
Just a note that I will be offline until sometime the week of the 16th
Starting with a softball here, what is the capital of Bulgaria?
(please reblog with your answer, first one right gets a gold star)
honor system, please do not look up the answer
Roy: Damnit, I cut my finger
Jason: Want me to kiss it better?
Roy: That works?
Jason: Yeah, my mom used to do it when I was little
*later* Roy: I need you to punch me in the mouth
Artemis Fucking finally
Do you think Dick ever, in his early days as Robin, scared a criminal that punched him, by using the fact that he still had baby teeth?
Just, imagine the situation:
Dick has a baby tooth that is about to fall, which is normal considering he is still a small child.
He's outside as Robin, in the middle of a fight.
So, a thief, thug, or any helper of a villain, is in a fight with him, the guy is still hesitant to hit a child, even if said child is just beating him up.
Then, out of pure luck, he lands a blow to the boy's jaw.
Dick immediately steps back, more than because of the punch, it is simply to get distance, but then, he feels his baby tooth come loose, and he immediately spits it out, with a little blood, of course.
For less than half a second, Dick considers just throwing it away and moving on, but notices just in time the horrified face of the guy he's fighting.
And Dick just knows he simply can't miss the opportunity.
What does he do? He starts crying.
And the poor guy who was fighting him knows he's extremely screwed when he doesn't even need to turn around to know he's got bat-dad behind him.
dreamin' of all these monsters that I'll never get to fight
It's just me, myself and I....
I hate them
i've said before that i love the english teacher jason todd headcanon but a similar one i think is very much overlooked is art teacher damian. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen it before. but i think it would be AWESOME hahaha
Damian: *carrying a large box* occasionally, my own sophisticated vernacular does not do justice to a situation . . . so to paraphrase one of my students . . . this sucks ass Jon: *grabs box, then raises brows* i was going to tease you for that . . . but yeah. this thing is freakin' heavy. what is this??? damian: *looking EXTREMELY tired* clay. for my students to make . . . sculputes out of. jon: *weary* why the hesitation? damian: more often than not their sculptures are more bomb than sculpture. jon: . . . ah. how does that work exactly? damian: *staring into the distance* now why would i trust you with the knowledge of how to make a bomb, jonathan.
Damian: welcome to class, students. today we will be participating in one of my personal favorite mediums, painting student: what do we paint? damian: anything but batman. i know you enjoy memorializing vigilantes in your art, but he angered me last night and as such the sight of him would sicken me students: one brave soul: what did he do? daminan: *straight-faced* he ate the last of the peanut butter in the pantry and failed to buy a new jar. now, for the paintings--
jason: *groaning, head resting on the papers strewn over his table* god, my students are so dumb damian: *framing and hanging up art pieces gifted to him by his students* i cannot say i relate, todd jason: *under his breath* fuck you too
damian: *peering over jason's shoudler at grading jason is doing* what is all this? the red marker? jason: *chugging coffee like its a shot* mistakes i have to correct for them damian: *frowns* that is a lot of mistakes. jason: how 'bout you? how'd your students do on their assignment? damian: well, jenn forgot that we'd moved on from abstracts, so her landscape appears as if it has stepped foot out of a picasso rather than the monet it should have been, but i have graded her with the abstract scale rather than the realism given that it was a simple mistake. her usage of tones and textures impressed me, and while the expressionism and irrealism is slightly off-putting in a landscape, i have found it quite pleasing to the eye. jason: i have no fucking clue what you just said but okay
“patroclus and achilles and jegulus variants!” “james is achilles and reg is patroclus!!!” NO. patroclus and achilles could not be more DIFFERENT from james and regulus. they are so wolfstar it HURTS.
lets start with the basics:
achilles, rather than the sun is a star, he shines brightly and everyone loves him. he is dangerous but only when you get close, unlike the sun who can burn from afar. what is sirius black, if not adored by the masses? what is sirius black, if not distant when he is near?
patroclus is not a rebel or a warrior, but he knows when a fight is necessary. things have happened to him to brand him for life beyond his control. remus lupin is cautious but intelligent. he knows how to get shit done and hes not afraid to do it if he deems it imperative.
to further my point:
james potter, despite his pettiness and his selfishness, would never stop fighting. despite what happened, he would not stay back in the tent while people went to war for him. he wouldnt do it. he would be bitter and angry and fucking pissed, but he would fight. sirius was raised with people doing things for him. he couldn’t be bothered to fight; he only did it because he was good at it. if someone annoyed him, he would sit out and wait the fight out. he’s whiny, but then, so is achilles.
regulus black would fight aggressively from the beginning, so unlike patroclus. it wouldn’t take his lover/friend to sit out from the fight to spur him into action. he will claw and bite for his cause, his method is madness. remus is patient. he is not a born fighter, but he’s willing to pick up a spear for those he loves. so when sirius, whom he treasures, elects out of the battle, it would be remus, not regulus (who’d already had his armor on), to slip sirius’ helmet on his own head.
achilles and sirius, who loved consumingly yet carelessly, juxtaposing james’ care that consumes.
patroclus and remus, who love madly yet quietly, in antithesis to the way regulus is quiet regarding everything but his madness.
achilles should not be compared to james. he IS sirius.
patroclus is the remus variant to ever exist.
thank you for listening to my ted talk! feedback is amusing and welcome!
sitting on my bed, in a robe and pjs, eating crunchy peanut butter from the jar with a spoon, while writing an paper that's due in like two hours. ah, college.
Human Observation Log 53
Several crewmates have witnessed Human Carter thanking the automatic doors and food replicators, as well as apologizing to a table after running into it. When asked why they did such a thing, Human Carter said it was because they’re ‘Canadian’. Human Rielly informed me that Canadians are part of a religious sect that worship inanimate objects. The offerings made to the silicon fern now make much more sense.
Carter’s Journal: entry 89
I accidentally apologized to the table again after running into it. I don’t know why I keep running into it but it’s driving me crazy. Next time I might just kick it out of spite. Several crewmates have started thanking the replicator, which I think is actually very sweet of them. I’m still feeding the plant in the Galley. Jonson thinks it’s weird but I swear that thing is actually an alien. The food disappears every time and I’m not about to be eaten by a carnivorous fern several hundred lightyears away from home. If I wanted that I would have stayed stationed on Galzabab.
Rielly's Journal: Entry 92.
So I have about half the crew converted to Canadianism and the other half mimicking Carter out of respect for his beliefs. I can’t wait to see what happens when Carter finally loses it and breaks the table. I’ve been moving it a little every day. They still think the plastic fern is alive too. I’ve been eating all the offerings and today Jonson tried to explain that it was plastic and not an alien and half the Galley started yelling at them for challenging Carter’s beliefs. Jonson just sat there gobsmacked for a good ten minutes. Another great day in space.
Odysseus (talking to Athena): Thanks, Mom Athena: Polites: Hermes: Eurylochus: Penelope: Odysseus: Why is everyone staring at me? Polites: You just called Athena mom Eurylochus: You said;thanks mom Odysseus: What? No, I didn't. I said;thanks, Athena Athena: Do you see me as a mother figure, Odysseus? Odysseus: No. If anything, I see you as a abandonment figure, cause you abandoned me Penelope: Hey! Show your mother some respect! Odysseus: I didn't call her mom! Athena: No, no, no, no, Odysseus, I take it as a compliment Zeus: It's really not a big deal. I called Hera Mom once, and she's my wife Odysseus: Guys, jump on that! Zeus has psycho-s3xual issues! Hermes: Old news. But you calling Athena mommy Odysseus: Hey, mommy is not on the table here Posideon: Well, you did call her mom, dude Odysseus: You shut up. You've done nothing but lie since you got here Posideon: Okay, I was lying about the hold-up, but the mom thing, that happened Odysseus: Ah-ha. He admitted the alibi was a lie. All part of my crazy, devious plan. Athena: I believed you- Odysseus: Thank you Athena: -son. You want to talk about it later over a sparring match? Odysseus: Odysseus, whispering: I'd like that
I'm not really great at this, but thank you. So much. This really means a lot to me.
-Elizabeth
I would like to preface this by stating that I have absolutely no intention of offending any of you, if I do, it is completely unintentional, please let me know what I did so that I can fix it, but please also be patient with me, I am simply a lot curious, a little confused, and possessing an intense hatred for my own ignorance in almost anything. Also, disclaimer, y'all were essentially demonized to me from the moment I was born, I never had any irl exposure to your community, all of my knowledge comes from tumblr and ao3, so, if I say something wrong, please, please be gentle?
That said, I had some questions, if any of y'all'd be ok with answering?
A) I read an article that referred to someone was both bi and lesbian, but I thought bi people were the ones who were attracted to guys and girls, and lesbians were only attracted to guys? I don't understand, you can be both?
B) I know that aro and ace are different things, but does that mean there are two entirely different fields? like you could have someone who's biromantic, but heterosexual? or vice versa?
C) How do you pronounce xe? I honestly do not know. I'd've guessed you'd pronounce it like the 'x' in Xerxes, but I know some people go by ze, so it'd make more for it to be pronounced differently, but I can't think of how?
D) I've read fics where FtM trans people broke their ribs because they wore binders too tightly/for too long. Is... is this real? Please tell me it's not real, that sounds scary dangerous, and I really don't want y'all getting hurt, please say it's an exaggeration
E) I've gotten conflicting information, if you're asexual, do you dislike sex, are you neutral about it, is it something else?
F) I've also read a thing that had an asexual character who was sexually attracted to one person they were already romantically attracted to, but isn't that demisexual?
G) For poly groups, how do break-ups work? Is there a vote? This has been keeping me up for days, I just can't think of how it'd go?
H) I think that open relationships are are supposed to be romantic for those in it, and purely sexual for the others who get involved, whereas poly relationships are both romantic and sexual, and sleeping with someone outside the group would be cheating. Could someone please confirm or correct?
I) If you are only attracted to people you have a romantic attraction towards, that means you're demi, right?
J) If every romantic relationship I take part in ends up reinforcing the fact that there is a good chance I am simply incapable of forming lasting romantic relationships, probably due to my ignorance of how to interact with people matched with my belief that it won't last anyway and the fact that there is not a single person whom I trust enough to share every side of myself, am I demi? Aro? Is it just the trust and abandonment issues mixed with unrealistic expectations? I don't think I'm asexual, but I've only ever been attracted to a couple of people I know? I still want someone and I want a relationship like ones I've seen or read about, but I'm also very much a loner? Like, I was homeschooled without extracurriculars and now I'm in college, and I don't know how to be around people? I want people, but being around them too long makes me feel like having a panic attack? Am I only getting into romantic relationships due to being starved for praise and affection? How do I know?!?!?
Sorry, that kind of devolved at the end, but, um. Yeah. If any of y'all would be willing to please help, that'd be very much appreciated. Thank you. Sorry for bugging you.
-Elizabeth
So I’m catching up on Batman lore and comics.
I NEED A FANFIC WHERE SOMEONE SITS DOWN AND TELLS JASON THAT BATMAN TRIED TO KILL THE JOKER, ALMOST STARTED A WAR, AND WAS STOPPED BY SUPERMAN.
It drives me insane that the only reason Joker is not in a lead box at the bottom of Gotham Harbor is he somehow magically became the Iranian ambassador (how?!) and the UN hired Superman to stop Batman from causing WW3.
AND NO ONE TELLS JASON!
Oh! I hear you cry, But he saved Joker’s life after Dick beat him to death! Jason deserves to be angry.
OH BULLSHIT!
Dick wasn’t trying to avenging Jason! He almost kills Joker by mistake in a moment of grief and Joker egging him on! Dick literally mourns after he realizes what he’s done, claiming by killing the Joker “Joker won.”
So why would Batman save the Joker? I’ll tell you why. Batman didn’t save the Joker for Joker! Batman saved the Joker to save Dick!
Dick is acting on revenge for the near death of Tim and despite it being Killer Croc who had captured and presumably killed Tim, Dick blames the Joker and goes on a poorly thought out vengeance quest that haunts him even when it doesn’t work. He’s spiraling the minute Tim points out Joker is dead. You really think Bruce couldn’t see the writing on the wall that actually killing someone would destroy Dick and try to minimize the guilt Dick would feel by not letting the Joker die.
His second son is dead. The third was just thought to be dead. Batman isn’t going to sit back and let his oldest kill himself!
(Now you could argue all that I’m saying is fandom rationalizations of weird character choices made by multiple writers over at DC (Disregard Canon). Batman does let Dick walk away in shame after reviving Joker. But if I chose to forget that Bruce PUNCHES Dick after Dick rightfully demands to know why Bruce didn’t try to tell him his brother died before the funeral, I can damn well recontextualize a stupid panel and scrape together a consistent character profile based on the versions of Batman that I like! Fuck you!)
So yes! SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL JASON WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED AFTER HE DIED SO HE CAN MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION FOR ONCE!
i beg you
reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a fucking break
I thought he’d like the shirt.
I would like to preface this by stating that I have absolutely no intention of offending any of you, if I do, it is completely unintentional, please let me know what I did so that I can fix it, but please also be patient with me, I am simply a lot curious, a little confused, and possessing an intense hatred for my own ignorance in almost anything. Also, disclaimer, y'all were essentially demonized to me from the moment I was born, I never had any irl exposure to your community, all of my knowledge comes from tumblr and ao3, so, if I say something wrong, please, please be gentle?
That said, I had some questions, if any of y'all'd be ok with answering?
A) I read an article that referred to someone was both bi and lesbian, but I thought bi people were the ones who were attracted to guys and girls, and lesbians were only attracted to guys? I don't understand, you can be both?
B) I know that aro and ace are different things, but does that mean there are two entirely different fields? like you could have someone who's biromantic, but heterosexual? or vice versa?
C) How do you pronounce xe? I honestly do not know. I'd've guessed you'd pronounce it like the 'x' in Xerxes, but I know some people go by ze, so it'd make more for it to be pronounced differently, but I can't think of how?
D) I've read fics where FtM trans people broke their ribs because they wore binders too tightly/for too long. Is... is this real? Please tell me it's not real, that sounds scary dangerous, and I really don't want y'all getting hurt, please say it's an exaggeration
E) I've gotten conflicting information, if you're asexual, do you dislike sex, are you neutral about it, is it something else?
F) I've also read a thing that had an asexual character who was sexually attracted to one person they were already romantically attracted to, but isn't that demisexual?
G) For poly groups, how do break-ups work? Is there a vote? This has been keeping me up for days, I just can't think of how it'd go?
H) I think that open relationships are are supposed to be romantic for those in it, and purely sexual for the others who get involved, whereas poly relationships are both romantic and sexual, and sleeping with someone outside the group would be cheating. Could someone please confirm or correct?
I) If you are only attracted to people you have a romantic attraction towards, that means you're demi, right?
J) If every romantic relationship I take part in ends up reinforcing the fact that there is a good chance I am simply incapable of forming lasting romantic relationships, probably due to my ignorance of how to interact with people matched with my belief that it won't last anyway and the fact that there is not a single person whom I trust enough to share every side of myself, am I demi? Aro? Is it just the trust and abandonment issues mixed with unrealistic expectations? I don't think I'm asexual, but I've only ever been attracted to a couple of people I know? I still want someone and I want a relationship like ones I've seen or read about, but I'm also very much a loner? Like, I was homeschooled without extracurriculars and now I'm in college, and I don't know how to be around people? I want people, but being around them too long makes me feel like having a panic attack? Am I only getting into romantic relationships due to being starved for praise and affection? How do I know?!?!?
Sorry, that kind of devolved at the end, but, um. Yeah. If any of y'all would be willing to please help, that'd be very much appreciated. Thank you. Sorry for bugging you.
-Elizabeth
the holy grail types of fanfic
peak philosophy in ao3 tags
jokes on you, i'm all of the above!
"people who stay up at night are either insomniac or In love" people who stay up at night read gay fanfiction on AO3 what are you on about?
You can replace [ACTIVITY YOU ENJOY] with [SCROLLING] but watch out. This sucks bad 👍
i may despise galen erso from the bottom of my shriveled maggoty heart but i have to tell you guys how he managed to sneak in the death star weak spot according to the rogue one novelization because it’s hilarious. if you’re expecting some feat of engineering genius so subtle no one noticed it, you are wrong. galen got krennic to sign off on it himself.
he annoyed the fuck out of krennic by cc-ing him in like a million emails to death star r&d.
so i know we’re behind schedule here but we found this structural flaw and wanted to let you guys know about it, says galen.
and r&d is like okay so how do we fix it?
and galen is like well we could start over?
and r&d is like no that’ll take too long.
and galen promises to think about it and writes to them later all hey how about we make some additional investments and get better materials?
and r&d is like no that’s too expensive.
and galen is like weeeell….
and r&d is like well what?
and galen goes well there’s something we can do but you’re not gonna like it.
and r&d is like okay what is it.
and galen is like are you sure you want to hear it?
yes, goes r&d.
like, really really super sure?
yes, goes r&d.
okay so the problem is radiation buildup, says galen. have i mentioned the problem is radiation buildup?
30 emails ago, r&d says.
right, so. says galen. we could build this exhaust port but it’s not going to get rid of all the radiation all the time, so if you’re having some stormtroopers around they might be exposed to it. i can look into some other options to reduce–
at which point krennic, who’s been cc’d in all of this, goes JUST PUT THE FUCKING EXHAUST PORT IN AND GET IT OVER WITH FUCK THOSE STORMTROOPERS ALL THESE EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS ARE DRIVING ME NUTS
and galen is like okay :)
Hermes’s smile was tinged with sadness, something unusual for the god. “Hello, old friend.”
“Hello, Hermes.” Odysseus pulled his gaze from his body, wrapped in the funeral shroud lovingly made by Penelope, to the bag in his hands. His fingers clutched it tighter, and he looked up at the messenger god. “Do you think they’ll hate me?”
“They will be angry, but they could never hate their captain.” Hermes took Odysseus’s hand. “It’s time to go.”
Hermes’s hand tightened, so much that Odysseus’s spectral hand would have felt crushed under his godly strength. His feet left the ground, going faster and faster and faster, trailing behind Hermes like the trail of a shooting star. Maybe that’s what he looked like when he delivered souls, Odysseus didn’t know.
His feet touched down on the bank of the river Styx, where over six hundred familiar faces currently waited. Odysseus’s feet hit the ground soundlessly a moment later. This would take some getting used to.
“Goodbye, Odysseus of Ithaca. I’ll… I’ll miss fighting by your side.”
That may have been one of the most genuine things Hermes had ever said. Odysseus smiled and fiddled with his bag. “Hermes? Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, friend, you died,” he said. “Good luck.”
He vanished with a blur of orange light.
Odysseus took a deep breath. It was time.
He walked—slowly, so slowly—towards his old crew. One by one, they turned to face him. Their eyes fell on his bag, and his old, wizened face, proof of a long life. Odysseus wanted to hide it, but he knew he must remain confident in his decisions from all those years ago.
“Comrades.” His eyes fell on two faces he longed to see- one tall, clean-shaven man with dark skin, and one man with a red cloth headband and a mess of curly hair. “Friends. I come after years of keeping you waiting, and for that I beg your forgiveness.” His eyes fell upon Eurylochus. “But I hope that this can sate your desires to leave this place.”
His hands tugged at the string keeping his bag together, and it came undone, almost as if it were waiting for this moment. Six hundred men saw it open, and a murmur went through them. It contained gold—so much gold that they could all get across the river.
Whispers turned to murmurs, but nobody moved forwards to come get a coin. A huge gap remained between Odysseus and the six hundred men he outlived. His shoulders drooped.
One man stepped forwards. Eurylochus of Same, his second in command. He picked out a coin from the bag, then held it up in the air. “Let’s hear it for Odysseus, our captain.”
The murmurs started up again, until the sound of clapping came from the middle of the crowd. Polites.
Ghostly tears flowed down Odysseus’s face as more and more men joined in. They all started to move towards him, cheering for him. Cheering for the life he got to have. Cheering for the chance to finally be together as a crew again.
Thanks for reading! I’d just like to say that my Hermes transportation scene was mostly based on @witless-winion1 ‘s Ctimene fic.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Batman isn’t the only one fiercely protective of his Robins.
Jason’s death led to the Rogues turning against the Joker—especially Harley. By then, she had already realized the extent of his abuse and had left him. So when she learned that her favorite Robin—a tough Crime Alley kid—had been beaten to death by her ex the first time she wasn’t around, she went ballistic.
Once, a newcomer held Nightwing at gunpoint and tried to unmask him on live television. When Harvey Dent saw how close this was to his own hideout, he knew he couldn’t let it slide. He wasn’t blind or foolish—he knew exactly who Nightwing was. The first Robin. A ray of sunshine—badass yet kind. Harvey took only a second to recall how that same little Robin had once helped him through a dissociative episode, choosing to assist rather than arrest him. And that was enough. The newcomer was never seen again.
As much as Damian disliked how close Catwoman was to his father, Selina adored the little kitten. He was honest, fierce, and compassionate in his own way. She loved that he shared her fondness for cats and animals. So when the shelter Damian volunteered at was attacked by Black Mask’s goons, Selina made sure that by the end of the month, Roman wouldn’t have a single piece of art left in his collection.
Eddie could hardly deny that his favorite Robin was the third one. After all, that particular little bird not only respected him as the Riddler but could also solve all his riddles effortlessly. So when a few goons rudely barged into their monthly riddle session, Eddie was not amused. He made sure they knew it.
Consider this your warning: Do not harm the Robins. Unless, of course, you fancy some trouble with the Rogues.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Batman isn’t the only one fiercely protective of his Robins.
Jason’s death led to the Rogues turning against the Joker—especially Harley. By then, she had already realized the extent of his abuse and had left him. So when she learned that her favorite Robin—a tough Crime Alley kid—had been beaten to death by her ex the first time she wasn’t around, she went ballistic.
Once, a newcomer held Nightwing at gunpoint and tried to unmask him on live television. When Harvey Dent saw how close this was to his own hideout, he knew he couldn’t let it slide. He wasn’t blind or foolish—he knew exactly who Nightwing was. The first Robin. A ray of sunshine—badass yet kind. Harvey took only a second to recall how that same little Robin had once helped him through a dissociative episode, choosing to assist rather than arrest him. And that was enough. The newcomer was never seen again.
As much as Damian disliked how close Catwoman was to his father, Selina adored the little kitten. He was honest, fierce, and compassionate in his own way. She loved that he shared her fondness for cats and animals. So when the shelter Damian volunteered at was attacked by Black Mask’s goons, Selina made sure that by the end of the month, Roman wouldn’t have a single piece of art left in his collection.
Eddie could hardly deny that his favorite Robin was the third one. After all, that particular little bird not only respected him as the Riddler but could also solve all his riddles effortlessly. So when a few goons rudely barged into their monthly riddle session, Eddie was not amused. He made sure they knew it.
Consider this your warning: Do not harm the Robins. Unless, of course, you fancy some trouble with the Rogues.
gay people website you’re letting me down 😔 i was expecting (hoping for) an endless stream of jayroy content… alas
you've heard of "quiet quitting," now I'd like to introduce you to the next level, The French Work Ethic:
Do exactly what you're paid for and nothing more
Absolutely refuse to be available to contact when you're off the clock
Never prioritize work over your own health, wellbeing, or family because that would be insane, it's just a job.
Have a little glass of wine
Take as long as you feel like for lunch
Deeply understand that work doesn't matter
Make sure your boss knows they're always your second priority ❤️