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Latest Posts by ellies-fandom

Every kind, the sky is just so beautiful

I Hate You, I Love You

Peter Maximoff x reader smut (might do a part two for this after Peter is healed so him and reader can really have a good time 👀)

word count: 2.9k

warnings: handjob, whiny Peter, maybe ooc peter? I’ve never written for him before. Peter steals a pair of readers undies, begging, uhhh peter being a whiny baby

Most people would die for the chance to know a superhero. You? Not so much. You knew a superhero.. and you hated him.

Maybe hate was a strong word, but you really didn’t like him. He was weird, and jittery, and his vibe just seemed off. You’d known him since the fifth grade, when he started being the little shit he was, using his powers to steal other kids’ things. A cookie, a pen, etc. 

One time he ran by you so fast he knocked you over and you scraped your knees. After that day you hated him. Hated his stupid silver hair and his dumb t-shirts.

By the time you two got to highschool, he was even worse. He didn’t fit in with the other kids, being too different to really find a group of people. He wasn’t a jock, and he wasn’t really a nerd. Somewhere in the middle. He mostly kept to himself, eating lunch at the back of the cafeteria at a small table by himself.

Before you knew it, things started happening with you two. One day he sat next to you at lunch and just started talking. Nothing in particular, just talking to talk. He did that a lot. His mouth was always moving, just like his body. You’d never seen him sit still and be quiet for more than five minutes.

You ignored him most of the time, scoffing at some of his comments as you ate your lunch, just biding your time until the bell rang and you could get the hell out of there.

This happened for a few months before you even really had real conversations with him. You formed an almost friendship when you were both paired up for a project for science class. 

Peter was ecstatic. You on the other hand… didn’t really think too much about it. It was just a simple assignment and once it was done things could go back to normal.

Peter harbored some type of weird obsession with you. Maybe it was because you didn’t show him any attention, that he started pining for it, but he was desperate to get you to talk to him. To even look at him.

You had invited him over to your house to talk about the project, not wanting to go to his house and risk being alone with him. At least one of your parents would be home. You didn’t take Peter for a creep, nor sensed him ever being any danger to you, but men could be unpredictable, and you’d rather not take your chances.

He’d zoomed up the stairs to your room, jumping on your bed with absolutely no regard for manners. 

He settled against your pillows, just looking up at you with that stupid grin he always wore. You wanted to strangle the boy.

You both worked on your project for a while before Peter declared he was hungry, and with a sigh you told him you’d grab some snacks and be. right up 

Realistically Peter knew he shouldn’t snoop around. He knew it was an invasion of privacy and if you caught him, any chances of him befriending you would go right down the drain.

Still, he stood up as quietly as he could, looking around your room and getting a good look at everything before snooping in your dresser drawers. Shirts. Pants. And… 

Jackpot.

He’d found your underwear drawer. His eyes widened a bit as he quickly glanced at the door, making sure you weren’t coming back, before he picked up the very first pair his hand came in contact with. Red panties with a little white bow in the front. They were fucking cute and they were definitely his now. He stuffed them into his backpack before he sat back on the bed, trying to act normal and like he definitely hadn’t just stolen a pair of your fucking panties.

The rest of your time together went just fine. You noticed Peter acting weirder than usual, but just brushed it off because he was just a weird dude. 

Eventually you finished the project and he left, barely saying goodbye before he sped down the stairs and was gone.

You hadn’t even noticed anything was gone until the next day when you went to get dressed and your favorite pair of panties was missing. Of course your first thought wasn’t that Peter had stolen them. You just figured you had misplaced them. You tore your whole room apart looking for them before giving up. How had they just gone missing?

Now Peter on the other hand was very proud of his new prize, having just stared at them for nearly an hour after he got home, imagining how they looked on you. 

He stuffed them under his bed before he went to sleep, a happy, satisfied smile on his lips. He just really really hoped you didn’t notice that they were gone.

Time went by and after you presented your project to the class, you and Peter drifted apart again. Your suspicions of him stealing from you, and his slight guilt for doing so drove you two apart.

You resented Peter. He was just so weird, and maybe a part of you thought he was cute, but you’d never admit it. Even to yourself. Absolutely not.

After you graduated high school, you didn’t see much of him anymore unless it was on the news. Sure he lived only a few doors down, but you made sure to avoid him, and he never went out of his way to talk to you.

When you did see him on the tv, a part of you missed getting to see him in person everyday. He had really grown into himself and looked at least a bit more mature than he had. I mean after all he was a superhero now. It was odd to think about, that he was running around saving people while you just continued on with your life as if you never knew him.

At this point you figured you’d never talk to him again. Hell, he probably didn’t want to talk to you. The girl who completely ignored him in highschool? He probably hated you as much as you hated him.

Of course, he didn’t though. Peter was still absolutely enthralled by you, wanting nothing more than to talk to you again, but he kept his distance. He had eventually gotten rid of the pair of panties, every time he saw them it caused his heart to break a little more. Why couldn’t you just like him back? Why couldn’t he just get over you already? It had been years and he’d still drop everything for you if you asked him to. 

You hadn’t seen him in a while, even while you were trying to purposely peek out your window and wait for him to zoom past. It didn’t come. You didn’t see or hear from him. One day you heard from one of your friends that he'd been injured. Like… pretty badly. 

As much as you hated to admit it, you worried for him. His job was dangerous and this just further proved it. 

You wanted to go over and see if he was okay, but figured it may be weird. You hadn’t talked in several years and he may not even remember you at this point.

That’s why when his mom knocked on your door one afternoon, you were very very worried. You had immediately asked her if something was wrong and to your instant relief, she said no. She explained that she was going out of town with Peter’s little sister and wouldn’t be back for a few days. She asked you to keep an eye on him, make sure he got his pain meds and was fed because he was basically bedridden due to having a fractured arm and broken leg.

You agreed, because who would you be to tell the woman no? So she gave you a spare key and gave you the layout of the house.

On the day you were supposed to go over, you put on a nice skirt and shirt that hugged your body just right. Honestly you didn’t even know why you dressed up. You were going over there to take care of him, to make sure he wasn’t in any pain, so why were you thinking about looking nice?

You used the key you’d been given and let yourself into the house, looking around. It was a neat house, and his mother had told you that his room was downstairs in the basement, so you made your way down there.

You stopped about halfway down the steps, calling out to make sure Peter wasn’t startled.

“Peter! It’s- it’s me- y/n? Your mom asked me to come check on you and help you with some stuff.” 

You heard what sounded like a pained groan as you made your way fully down the steps to find Peter laying in his bed, leg in a cast and propped up on a pillow. He looked up at you with the saddest eyes and you knew it was killing him not being able to move, let alone race around like he loved to do.

“Hurts.” He croaked, trying to sit up a bit, wincing. He hadn’t gotten his medicine this morning because his mom had left in such a rush, so he was in a lot of pain.

You quickly grabbed the bottle of pain meds from his dresser and took one out. One every 8 hours it said. You could definitely do that. You filled up a glass of water and carefully helped him sit up, bringing the water to his lips so he could swallow the pills. 

He looked pathetic and it did make you sad seeing him in such a state. After all these years this was not how you expected to meet him again.

He gave you a grateful smile before slumping back into bed, a breath escaping his parted lips as he looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. He was obviously bored and your mind raced, wondering what you could do to make him feel better.

He liked music, right? He always had those earbuds in during school, head bobbing along to whatever tune he was listening to.

You grabbed his Walkman from the floor and turned it on, listening as the music blared from the headphones. You carefully turned it down before offering a bud to Peter, who took it with his good hand and put it in his ear, body seeming to instantly relax at the sound of the music.

You decided to put the other bud into your ear, wondering what his music taste was like. It was pretty similar to yours and you found yourself humming along.

That’s how it was for the first couple days. You two just sat, listening to music and not really speaking much. Peter slept a lot, the pain meds usually knocking him out for several hours. You made him food and helped him up, out of bed to use the bathroom. 

On the fourth day he seemed to feel a bit better and was definitely more talkative, super curious about your life and what you’d been up to these past years. You caught him up on everything you cared to share, finding it really easy to talk to him. And also… enjoyable? He wasn’t the annoying boy you once knew. He was much more than that now, even if he was still a little dumb.

He seemed eager for you to leave on the fifth day. He kept saying he was fine and that he’d be okay the rest of the day. He was also super jittery, which you just attributed to his not being able to get up and move around. That wasn’t it at all though. Now that he was no longer in pain, he was horny as fuck, and hadn’t been able to jerk off. He’d tried, but trying to jerk it with his left hand just didn’t work. He couldn’t even cum.  

He was a bit snappy as well, which made you a bit frustrated. You’d been helping him this whole entire time and he was acting like a dick. 

You were on your last straw when you tried to take his blanket off of him to get a fresh one and put this one in the dryer and he yelled at you.

“No! No, leave it on me!” 

You startled a bit before you glared at him, tugging harder on the blanket. What was he doing? He wasn’t as strong as he usually would be and didn’t have a good grip on the blanket, so it slid off, causing you to take a few steps back.

Once the blanket was off of his body, you saw why he wanted it kept on. He had a boner. He was in a simple t-shirt and boxers shorts and his dick was totally straining against the fabric.

His cheeks burned in embarrassment and he wanted to curl up and die. How embarrassing was this. It wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t help it, but he was scared you’d be disgusted.

“Peter-“ you started, blinking a few times and turning his gaze back to his face, clearing your throat.

“I’m sorry I- I didn’t know- I can leave- I’ll let you take care of that-“ you had dropped the blanket and went to walk back upstairs.

“Wait no!” He cried out, trying to sit up, wincing a bit. He looked desperate, eyes pleading with you as he took a deep breath.

“Please- fuck- please help me.” He whispered in the most pathetic tone you’d ever heard come out of a man. It was quite sad.

But… help him? Help him with wh-…oh. Help him with that. 

You knew you should have just walked right up those stairs and out of the house, but the way Peter looked at you sent a shiver down your spine and you found yourself taking a step towards the bed, glancing back down at his clothed erection.

“Please, I- shit I’ve tried jerkin’ off but I can’t do it with my left hand. Please just- just one time? I promise I won’t make it weird.” He begged, eyes wide and brimming with tears from how desperate he was for release. 

Without a word you silently nodded, letting your hand rest on his thigh before your fingers slid under the elastic of his boxers, pulling them down slowly. Peter’s breath hitched and he swore you moved in slow motion. Just get on with it, he thought. 

His cock sprung free as you pulled his boxers down to his knees, eyes widening. The tip was nearly purple and pre-cum seemed to pour from it, coating the throbbing length. He tried to arch his hips up into the air, a groan leaving his lips as the ache in his leg came back.

You hushed him gently, a careful hand coming to wrap around his length. The second you touched him, a shout came from his lips, trying his best not to buck up into the touch. Finally, Finally after all these years this was happening. Like really happening. Maybe Peter had died and gone to heaven. Surely this couldn’t be real… right?

But it was. It was oh so real. The way your hand gingerly squeezed his cock, thumb brushing over the tip. Peter knew he wasn’t going to last long at all. He tried his best not to bust a nut in the first thirty seconds, but it was difficult when the literal girl you’d been obsessed with since the fifth grade was finally doing exactly what you’d wanted her to do for so long.

He was in pure ecstasy. This was better than any pain med he’d been prescribed. The pain in his leg was seemingly nonexistent as all he focused on was the pleasure he was receiving.

“Oh f-fuck! Oh my god- oooooh shit that’s good-“ he mumbled, still even now never being able to shut up.

“Please- oh god I’m close I’m gonna- shit I’m gonna cum I’m sorry- I’m sorry-“ he groaned, hips flexing just a bit as without much more warning, he came in long, hot, thick ropes across your hand and over his stomach. 

He came a lot, and you saw how much he truly needed this release. He panted, eyes rolled to the back of his head as he tried to catch his breath. 

You reached over him to grab a tissue to clean him and yourself up, wiping him off gently before pulling his boxers back up, tucking him away as his body shuddered with the aftershocks of his intense release.

He managed to peek his eyes open to look at you with a tired smile.

“That was fuckin’ good. I promise I’ll pay you back when my leg is better.”

And he definitely kept that promise, because a few weeks later when he was fully healed (super speed things) he fucked you so hard he actually broke the headboard of his bed. After that, you two spent a lot more time together and eventually he gained the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend. You said yes.

It was crazy to think that what started as such a hatred towards this boy had led to this, but you wouldn’t change it for a second. 

Christ this is absolutely magnificent

woah, hey!!!! chimera kurt

based on the bamf dragon. of course

Ah both of them are living the life

best friend activity

I feel called out

How can people claim Logan is straight, when these comics exist??

That's Wade ramming into the fourth wall full force

This is like so beautiful I’m crying *chef kiss*

If she has no fans call the ambulance cause I am dead

Nightcrawler Comic Recs (for beginners)

This list is designed with fans who have little to no knowledge of X-Men comics in mind and with an emphasis on what I would call "fangirl appeal". Each title is listed in chronological order with descriptions, a reading order, and my reasoning for each of them under the readmore for those who need it. In my opinion, all of them are good places to start!*

I primarily read comics on Marvel's official app (marvel unlimited) but hoopla (free through many public libraries) and comixology are other good options for online reading. If you want physical copies you'll get the best deals at your local comic shop or on ebay.

If you have criticisms, additions, or continuity question feel free to hit up my ask box!

SERIES: ❥ Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont (1975) ❥ Excalibur by Chris Claremont (1988), Alan Davis (1991), and Warren Ellis (1994) ❥ Uncanny X-Men by Joe Casey (2001) ❥ Nightcrawler (2004) ❥ Uncanny X-Force by Rick Remender (a controversial choice since this isn't main universe/616 Kurt) (2010) ❥ Amazing X-Men (2014) ❥ Nightcrawler (2014)

OTHER RANDOM ISSUES**: ❥ Guardians Team-Up #6 ❥ Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #17 (2017)

*with the exception of Uncanny X-Force. I wouldn't read this until you have a grip on 616 Kurt's characterization.

**these are primarily team ups I discovered through my habit of buying random comics with Kurt on the cover. I'll add more if I remember them.

Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont (1975) was an ongoing team book. The sixteen years of it that were written by Claremont are the iconic building blocks upon which all other X-Men comics are built. It's the book Nightcrawler was on from 1975 to 1988 (#94-227) after he was recruited by Professor X. Unfortunately, Kurt is rarely the main character. He has a lot of standout moments but is more likely to just be part of the team. If you like a sweet, sarcastic, curly haired Nightcrawler with terrible fashion sense this book might be for you!

How to start reading it:

Giant-Size X-Men #1 (his introduction, basically a series pilot that rebooted the X-Men).

Uncanny X-Men #94 (directly follows giant-size)

From there you can read numerically.

Read as much uncanny as you want. If it gets boring/isn't for you try Excalibur!

Specific issue recs if you don't want to start at the beginning:

#110: The X-Men fight a villain of the week who traps them in the danger room with the safety controls off. It's also the first (I think?) time the X-Men play baseball together. Kurt is really fun in this issue! #123 & 124: The X-Men fight Arcade for the first time. The issues are split pretty evenly between the whole team but Kurt has some really good moments. #139 & 140: Kurt goes to Canada with Wolverine. They fight a Wendigo with the canadian super-team Alpha Flight and he becomes the first X-Man to learn Wolverine's real name. The art in this is really expressive. Kurt makes a lot of good faces. #168: This issue isn't primarily about Kurt but it is the one where he does the Burt Reynolds cosmo centerfold pose for his girlfriend. #169: Continues from 168. Opens with Kurt in the bath with his girlfriend. He then teleports around the city naked to save someone. #183: Kurt and Wolverine take Colossus out drinking after he breaks up with Kitty. Kurt is there as "mediator" because he knows Logan is mad about the way Piotr treated Kitty. They end up getting into a fight with the Juggernaut at the bar. #204: Kurt restores his faith and self confidence by taking on Arcade solo when he sees a woman being kidnapped off the street.

Excalibur by Chris Claremont, Alan Davis, and Warren Ellis (1988-1998) was a self-contained ongoing comic that ran through the late 80's up through the mid 90's. Excalibur is the British X-Men adjacent team that Kurt joined and then became unofficial leader of when he thought the other X-Men had died. Excalibur is more magic and fantasy based than X-Men usually is. As written by Chris Claremont it's also basically a sex farce. I consider this book a definitive characterization of the character. The art by Alan Davis in the first ~50 issues is the sexiest Nightcrawler has ever been and probably ever will be. If you like a classically handsome, confident, overtly sexy Nightcrawler this series might be for you.

How to start reading it:

Excalibur: The Sword is Drawn (shows the team being formed, basically the series pilot). There's a ton of Deep Lore and callbacks in it but if anything is important it will get explained more directly by narration.

Excalibur #1

From there you can read numerically

The first 67 issues are pretty consistently good but you can always stop After the Cross-Time Caper story if you want something more modern

If you want to keep reading after #67 I suggest skipping the issues written by Lobdell and going straight to the Warren Ellis era

Specific issue recs if you don't want to start at the beginning:

#4: The beginning of the Kurt/Meggan/Brian love triangle. Includes the infamous page where Kurt and Meggan nearly kiss. #16: Another infamous issue. The team land in a new universe and get separated. Kurt fights some air ship pirates before getting seduced and fucked just barely off panel by an Evil Queen. He also ends up wearing some really skimpy "battle armor" towards the end. It's truly incredible that this was even allowed to be published. #23: Judge Dredd parody. The team land in a new universe and get separated (again). Kurt has some really great fight scenes against an alternate universe human version of himself and a really heartfelt story with that universes version of Meggan. #44 & 45: The british government asks the team for help investigating a series of strange robberies in London. Everyone but Kurt is out of town on personal business and his leg is broken so he decides the thing to do is recruit the chaotic aliens helping rebuild the light house as a substitute team - his "N-Men"! If you read these issues by themselves just skip over the sections about the other characters.

Uncanny X-Men by Joe Casey (2001) (#395-409) was part of the ongoing Uncanny comic. It primarily follows a team of X-Men tracking down the Church of Humanity cult as they try to eradicate mutants. This run had a lot of different artists on it but they're all good. The aesthetics and vibes of this run are some of my favorites. Casey writes Kurt a bit more grounded and less jokey but without sacrificing any of the witty banter which I like. If you like a less human-looking Nightcrawler with glowing eyes and pointy teeth this series might be for you!

Nightcrawler (2004) is a twelve issue self-contained mini-series. It's the second of three Nightcrawler self titled minis and it's also my favorite! Kurt gets enlisted as basically a supernatural investigator by Storm after a group of children die mysteriously. He has three different love interest in this which the story even calls him out for at one point. The art is more grounded than the usual marvel house style which isn't for everyone but I personally enjoy it. If you like a softer nightcrawler or a Nightcrawler in street clothes this book might be for you!

Uncanny X-Force by Rick Remender (2010) (#20-35) was an ongoing team book. It's maybe my most controversial pick because it's the Nightcrawler from the Age of Apocalypse but I'm gonna count him because he's hot. He jumped universes to join X-Force (the X-Men's covert black ops team) in issue #11 during the period of time when main universe/616 Kurt was dead. The first arc he's in is all AoA stuff so you can skip it and start at #20 (the Otherworld arc) if you want. AoA Kurt is a darker, more violent version of the character who's only interested in revenge. A lot of Nightcrawler fans hated his inclusion on the team but I personally think he's great! It also helps that the art in this is done in this gorgeous almost abstract digital watercolor style. This version of Nightcrawler ends up dying in an event comic when the series ends but don't even worry about it. Also, maybe don't start with this one. If you like the idea of a star trek-style mirror universe Kurt try reading this!

Amazing X-Men (2014) was an ongoing team book. It's the series that brought Kurt back from the dead after his death several years earlier in a crossover event. It's a really good jumping on point for modern Nightcrawler but the plot is kind of bonkers. If you read it try not to think too hard about the implications of that first arc. Most of the weirder stuff in it doesn't really matter outside of this book anyway. The art is really good - Kurt is very pretty in this. In the early issues he also has great romantic tension with Storm and Wolverine if you're in to that! It's very intertwined with the 2014 solo so if you like this definitely read that! If you like a lanky more cartoony Nightcrawler try this series and the 2014 miniseries!

Nightcrawler (2014) is a twelve issue self contained mini series. It takes place after the first arc of Amazing X-Men but can be read independently since narration explains everything that happened. I'll be honest, this series is fun but not very memorable. The art is nice, though. If you like a lanky more cartoony Nightcrawler try this series and Amazing X-Men!

#HE LOOKS SO HOT HELP #LIKE AHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHH THEY’RE SO CUTE IM GONNA DIE

☀☀☀☀

Awwwww this is just so cute

more old stuff! they are so silly ♥

Unfortunately happens to the best of us (me included)

i think it's funny that i'm such obsessed with bg3 only cause of Gortash

Absolutely beautiful *chef kiss*

'we could be good for each other'

(not really)

Saturday night at Bhaal temple, with an off-duty soon to be Archduke.

Somehow, Durge really did make his Father proud, by throwing the dopest party the Gate had ever known, at his crib, in his name! "Pave my path with asses, build my castle with boozes", eh?

And the other six nights were like:

I want him to sing me to sleep

“Tranquilo, easy…” WHATEVER YOU SAY ALEJANDRO

This is absolutely beautiful

Roadtripppp!

Soap, squished in the back seat: And why exactly does Gaz get to sit in the front again, Cap'n? Price, driving: Because he's my favourite. Also I don't trust Ghost being near the wheel. Ghost, grumbling looking out the window: Whatever, asshole. Gaz, smug in the front seat: It's true though, ever since Las Almas- Ghost: I get it, I get it, you don't have to remind me. Rudy, smushed between Soap and Ghost: Why am I here again? Soap: I needed a cuddle buddy, obviously? Ghost isn't a cuddling type, are you Ghost? Ghost: Nope. Rudy, sobbing: I want to go home. Alex, in the trunk: Can we pull over I REALLY need to piss. Farah, strapped to the roof outside peering through a window: Oh YOU want to pull over??!? Alejandro in Gaz's footwell like a literal dog: I feel so uncomfortable right now. Laswell, on the phone already at the destination, laughing: Should've just taken a plane, lady and gents. Should've just taken a fucking plane.

Honestly?

Gavin: So after my parents got divorced-

Connor: Oh, I didn't know your parents were separated.

Gavin: Do I seem like a child from a happy marriage to you?

✦I have more C.o.D Quotes✦

Gaz: How’s your head? Y/N: Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet. Gaz: …excuse me? Y/N: Oh uh, I think I’ll live-

-- (Somewhere in Greece with a fuck ton of cats) Ghost, watching Price sneeze every five seconds: What a catastrophe. Gaz: No. Y/N: PFFT- Soap: Stop, no, don’t encourage him. Y/N: Ahem! Right, right. Not funny. Ghost: I am purrfectly capable of being funny. Y/N: *struggling* Gaz: Sometimes I wish you didn’t have a mouth.

-- Just a scene of Y/N taking out a bottle of whiskey, unscrewing they cap, then putting one of those lid caps on. (Like the ones you have on those fancy Gatorades) Taking a huge swig and closing the cap on it as Soap watches in amusement, & Price in fear.

-- Ghost: Quit messing with my hand. Soap: Quit messing with my hair! Y/N: Quit being gay. Gaz: PFFFT Y/N: Both problems solved.

-- Y/N, on the comms: You have thirteen seconds before the building fucking explodes you hot topic wannabe- Ghost: … Y/N: And you green gumball son of a bitch. Gaz: Wha-?! Soap: *WHEEZE* Y/N: You have done nothing but ruin my life; I hope you both die.

-- Soap, Gaz, & Y/N: *cackling* Laswell, losing at poker: I miss my wife, Price. Price: *places down cards* Laswell: I miss my wife.

-- Ghost, overstimulated & a lil drunk: AHHHHHH MY BONES Y/N: *frantically getting headphones* Soap, drunk: *wheeze* Gaz: Ah. I know I should’ve- *dies coughing* Soap: *more wheezing*

-- Graves *kicks in door* WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER DOT COM?! Y/N: SUCK IT, BITCH BOY!! Alejandro: *aggressively slapping his leg while silently laughing* Rudy: *pointing and laughing* Valeria, in handcuffs: Ha, dumbass.

-- Graves: Bitch, you are gonna get in this car or I’m popping between ya eyes! Valeria: Hey, I know you. I saw your dick on Twitter! Graves: NOOOOOO Y/N: AHAHA!

-- Graves: C’mon Johnn- Y/N: *chucks a rock at Graves’ head* Graves: OW, WHY?! Y/N: NO JOHNNY FOR YOU! He goes by Soap and we respect that! Graves: Ghost calls him that! Y/N: CAUSE GHOST HAS PERMISSION, you EARN the right to Johnny! And I will be damned if anyone else earns the right before me. I been working my ass off to get the Johnny privilege and you will NOT get it for free! Soap, who’s just been standing there the whole time: *leans to Gaz* Have they actually been taking it that seriously? Gaz: Yeah. They’ve also been working real hard to try and get the right to call Captain “John”. Shoulda seen their face when I said they can call me Kyle. Soap: That’s…really sweet, I’ll give’em permission later. Gaz: Why not now? Soap: I wanna see that bastard get chewed out some more.

-- Y/N, perched on Price’s desk: Captain. Price: *sigh* Y/N: Captain I crave violence.

-- Ghost: Your family line deserves to die with you, only shame it didn’t end before you. Graves: ….I just sat down!

-- Y/N: You’re like…the human incarnation of crumbs in the bed. Graves: Oh c’MON THAT’S REAL MEAN Ghost: It’s true though. Y/N: The kinda crumbs that you keep swiping away but somehow they never leave- Graves: Alright! You know what- Soap: Like getting in bed after going to the beach. Gaz: Sand in the bed, yeah. Feels like that when he talks. Graves: I’M JUST GONNA FUCKIN LEAVE! Y/N: *watches him go* Annnd now the sheets have been changed. Ghost: Clean from filth. Alejandro: You all are so cruel and it’s perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

-- Gaz: Things Gucci with you? Y/N: It’s Goodwill at best, my guy. Price: I don’t know what this means but I feel like I should be concerned.

-- (Mild NSFW Jokie Time) Gaz: You alright? You been zoned out. Y/N: Hm? Nah I’m good, just having depraved thoughts. Gaz: Depraved, you say? Soap: Oh do tell. Y/N: You just…you ever see someone and think “they have pretty eyes”. And that’s normal. But then the little devil in the back of ya skull goes “yeah they’d look good rolled back”. Or am I just a whore? Gaz: That is depraved. Soap: Got a good point though.

-- Y/N: Ooo! Look! Old pictures of Captain, this one’s dated. You would’ve been…19 in this one. Lemme s-…… Gaz: Lemme see! ….. Price: What? Y/N: …..you were a whore, weren’t you captain? Gaz: That’s the face of an arrogant bastard who fucks regularly. Price: I…might’ve been a bit of a playboy. Y/N: And I would’ve fallen for it you god damn bastard, no ones fACE SHOULD BE THAT NICE!

-- Valeria, painting her nails: I might kill my ex, not the best idea. His new girlfriend’s next- Alejandro: ….. Rudy: ….should I be worried? Alejandro: Move away quietly and pray.

-- Ghost: For the record this is self destructive. Soap, chugging his 5th energy drink in the past hour: For the record, I’m aware of that.

-- MILF!Y/N: Boys. Bed, now. I wanna talk to your captain. Price: No, boys stay. Please stay- Y/N: Go. Price: Stay. The boys: *concern, panic, perhaps a bit of fear* Y/N: Go! Price: Stay! Y/N: You go! Soap: *speed walking* Price: Soap, stay! Y/N: NOW! Gaz: *slowly backing away* Price: Gaz, don’t move! Y/N: YOU GO! Price: SIMON- Ghost: *leaving*

-- Ghost: What was Plan A? Soap: …don’t fuck up. Ghost: And what was Plan B? Gaz: Don’t fuck up Plan A. Ghost: And what did you do? Y/N: …fucked up plan a- Ghost: YOU FUCKED UP PLAN A-

-- Ghost: What’s rule number one? Soap, with dynamite: Party! Ghost: NO! No, not party! No!

-- Graves: How about after this, we get a drink? Y/N: …I would rather gouge out my eyes and blindly navigate a way to turn them into earrings than ever be anywhere alone with you. Soap, grinning: Ooooo brutal! Ghost: Karma.

-- Ghost: Wait…Johnny’s into me? Like…he LIKES me?? Gaz: Oh Si…you poor, sad, dense mother fucker.

-- Ghost: At least nothing of importance was lost. Laswell: …Graves was kidnapped. Ghost: I know. I said what I said. Y/N: Nothing of value was lost but we did shed off some trash! Ghost: Precisely.

-- Ghost: These lights make me wanna pull my eyes out and eat them. Medic!Y/N: *turns lights off in favor of a lamp* …alright, so you’re autistic, good to know.

-- Ghost: Should I get my reading glasses? Y/N: Oh no no, this isn’t an eye test. It’s a GAY test. Now tell me, *holds up picture of Farah & Graves; Price being 1* Number one, or number two? Ghost: Number one?… Y/N: Interesting. *holds up Farah & Soap, Soap being 2* Okay now number one, or number two? Ghost: *gasp* Y/N: Number two, right? Ghost: Maybe I am gay?

-- Waitress: So, I’ve gotta ask, I’m really curious. 141: ? Waitress: Have any of you ever used like…the military language in bed? Soap: Naaaah. Y/N: No, I don’t- PFFFT, I- *wheeze* I’m sorry I’m imagining it- Gaz: *biting back laughs* Y/N: “You gonna come?” Affirmative. *laughs* Soap: *WHEEZE* Gaz: *cackling* Price: Oh lord- Gaz, snickering: Picking up speed. Y/N: COPY- *Laughter x100* The entire team: *giggling like hyenas* Ghost: Uh, that’s a no. I don’t think we’ve done that.

-- Price: *smiles at Soap & Gaz being stupid* Y/N: I like when you smile. Price: …huh? Y/N: Your smile, I like it. Makes your eyes crinkle up and your beard makes you look like a cuddly bear. You should smile more. Price, internally on the verge of tears: *fond sigh* Get back to drills, soldier. Y/N: Yes sir!

-- Ghost: *minding his fucking business* Y/N: You have pretty eyes. Ghost: *chokes on air* Pardon? Y/N: You have pretty eyes. Ghost: No I-…they’re just brown. Y/N: So? Your eyes don’t have to be blue or green to be pretty. They’re pretty because they’re expressive, and when the sun hits them they look like syrup. I like’em best when we’re all at a bar. They get brighter then. Ghost: Ghost: …stop talking, sergeant. Y/N: Copy that, L.T! <3

-- Gaz: *laughing at something on his phone* Y/N: You have a great laugh. Gaz: Hm? Oh…really? Y/N: Mhm. It’s cute, comes from your chest. I’ve never heard you laugh in anyway that’s not genuine. Really fills the room with joy. Gaz: Dude, you’re gonna make me all soft with words like that. Y/N: All according to plan!

-- Soap: *rambling about something* Y/N: *listening intently* Soap: Then-…ah, I been talkin’ at you this whole time, eh? Should probably quiet down. Y/N: No no, I like your voice! Soap: Eh? Y/N: It’s super energetic and loud, and when you tell a joke or talk about something you love, it’s like you can hear your smile. It’s really fun to listen to. I like when you talk! Soap: *inhale* You’re gonna make me cry- Y/N: I have tissues!

-- König: *fidgeting* Y/N: *takes his hands* You have beautiful hands. König: Wh- Huh?? No they are not. Y/N: They are too! König: Nien, they’re rough and calloused, they break a lot of things… Y/N: They also pet stray cats, make the best coffee on base, and create crotchet works of art. They also mend wounds pretty well. Yeah they fire guns but that doesn’t make them less beautiful. König: *he’s actually crying* …Danke. Y/N: Don’t mention it!

-- Rudy: *rolling his shoulder* Y/N: Anyone ever tell you that you have great shoulders? Rudy: Hm? Oh uh…no, I don’t believe so. Y/N: Well you do! Rudy: Ah, gracias. When I was younger I wanted them to be broader, sometimes now I wish they were more narrow. Can never really be happy with’em, you know? Y/N: Well I think you should be. They’re strong! *gently pats his shoulders* They hold a lot of weight, metaphorically and physically. And even when they’re weighed down, you shoulder it and keep moving. You’re real good at that! I like your shoulders. Rudy, prepared to die for them: …gracias. Y/N: No problem! Now c’mon, the guys are waitin’ for us!

-- Y/N: You have good collarbones. Alejandro: What was that? Y/N: Sorry, I know that’s real specific, but I think your collarbones are pretty. It’s like…the rest of you is bulky and strong, rugged. Then you have these delicate bones. I’m probably being too poetic but it’s like a subtle nod to your gentler side, just, built into your body. Alejandro: …you have a lovely way with words, camarada. Y/N: Thank you! I appreciate that!!

*Y/n bursts through the door*

Y/n: YOU ARE LOVED, LASWELL!

Laswell: 😊

Y/n: YOU ARE APPRECIATED!

Gaz: 😆

Y/n: YOU ARE AMAZING!

Rudy: 😁

Y/n: YOU ARE BEST DAD!

Price: 🥺

Y/n: YOU ARE BEST BOY!

König: 😳

Y/n: Soap, Ghost, Alejandro.....You're Hot.

Ghost: 💀😳

Soap: 😶

Alejandro: 😏

Graves: What about Valeria and me?

Valeria: Yeah

Y/n: ...

Y/n: Ya'll got mommy and daddy issues that I can't work with......and I hate you

Y/n: Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Person A: I'm so sorry... I was just trying to flirt with you.

Person B: You roasted me. For half an hour straight.

Person A: As I said, I was just trying to flirt.

I need this

I wanna see Hobie’s Deadpool.

Fuck shipping- is there a batshit crazy goth guy that’s obsessed with Hobie and follows him around?

An insane metalhead that loves Spiderpunk and tells Hobie how hot he is and how much he wants to smooch him?

cause if so, hot.

Ok this is absolutely hilarious

From my post

It’s so beautiful

first tdp art posted on this blog. for some reason I decided to illustrate the entire Elarion poem without lines. please be nice to me this took like two days of work and also it was really fun. I depicted Elarion as a weird white tree girl because I thought it would be fun

Happy Birthday @neil-gaiman 🥳🥳🥳❤❤❤

✧ APPRENTICEMBER ✧

I wanted to do something big for the Arcana community, something to bring us together! And why not make an event focusing on my favorite part of this community, our ocs and fan apprentices!

To participate, all you need to do is answer the daily question and tag your post with #apprenticember! There’s no pressure, no minimum word count, and you can skip days if you like!

Introduce your apprentice! Just their name, personality, appearance, and likes/dislikes for now! If you have pictures of them, post them today!

Who is their LI? What’s their relationship like?

Give a short summary of their relationship to the other main characters!

What about the couriers? Have they met them? What do they think of them?

Do they have any other friends outside of canon? What about the minor characters? 

Now, do they have any rivals? Maybe even a WORST ENEMY!? Spill the deets now!

Second week! Let’s go back to their physical description, but go even deeper! Do they have tattoos, piercings, scars, etc? What sort of clothes do they like?

Now let’s give their familiar the spotlight! Tell us all about them!

Do they have a patron arcana? Who is it? What’s their relationship like?

What is their relationship to the other arcana like?

Do they have a gateway? What does it look like? If they don’t have one, describe their ideal spot instead.

What does their home look like? Their room?

Can they cook? What’s their favorite meal?

What does their magic look/feel like?

What are they proudest of?

What’s their deepest insecurity?

Do they have any family, living or non living? List their family tree!

What were they like as a child?

If your mc fights, what is their fighting style? If they don’t, why not?

Remember the Valentines Day event where you could pick between 3 gifts to give the LI? What 3 gifts would you write for your mc?

Now what kind of gifts are they most likely to give?

What does your mc do to show their love?

What parts of Vesuvia is your mc most likely to be at?

Does your mc like parties, festivals, and masquerades? What do they do at them?

What’s your favorite thing about your mc?

How has your mc changed since you first made them?

Has your mc ever KILLED anybody? What are their thoughts on MURDER?

Are they afraid to die?

What is a fact about your mc others would never guess?

Is there anything else you’d like us to know?

Name another mc you read about and enjoyed! Shout out your favorite mc!

Hey Neil,

You think Michael Sheen could have a turn being set on fire instead of David? I'm pretty sure David had enough turns.

Are you seriously suggesting that we set the greatest Welsh actor of his generation on fire?

It’s so beautiful. I’ve looked at this for five hours now

In which hobbits are light on their feet and Bilbo is a show off

Happy bagginshield to soothe botfa pains - art trade with romythe