Irreplaceable

do u ever like feel so absurdly reluctant to do things. like it ain’t even procrastination or laziness anymore u just physically and mentally can’t bring yourself to do anything. u really, really just wanna binge watch youtube until your mind numbs completely or lie on the floor and stare into the abyss. and it’s not like u don’t have “motivation” or anything or even that u don’t want to do it, it’s just. u can’t. idk how ppl just. Do Things. get up and go at it. i have to have an entire existential crisis and like, watch a goddamn motivational film or something first before i do the smallest thing. and it’s june for fuck’s sake.

“I don’t care where it ends, let it begin.”

—

4AM THOUGHTS

feeling very inspired right now. I woke up at 3am randomly but i remembered that i hadn’t listened to Meek Mill’s new album yet so i got out of bed (while trying not to wake my daughter) and went to the bathroom to listen. and i listened to every word all the way thru and it left me inspired writing this at 4am. I also read this article about things i should avoid as an aspiring artist and i realized i do 3 out of the 5 things. Holding my work hostage, Not Being social enough, and finishing my Art halfway and then abandoning it. I gotta work on these things.

The whole “being social” thing was never my thing but lately i have been making attempts to do so, sometimes i’m left disappointed and others i am left surprised! It’s cool when you meet another creative who can relate to most of the things you go thru. As Far as finishing my Art goes.. i tend to not finish my art when someone doesn’t feel the same way about it as i do. I tell myself “ok well this isn’t worth anymore of my time, thank you.. next” (lol i like that song) And then i start on something new and repeat the same thing. Fun fact tho… i remember playing “Don’t” for like 5 people before it came out and nobody liked it how i liked it. So i deleted it from soundcloud. lol Shit as a matter of fact i remember when i played my first album Trapsoul to Fader and a couple of other Blogs or whatever and it was straight crickets in the room. 🦗🦗🦗i was like wow this shit is trash lol

Anyway, i know this is getting kinda lengthy but i say all of that to say this… believe in your “trash”.

Ok 4am Thoughts end now, gotta take Harley to school in a few hours. 💤💤💤

“To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into.”

— Sylvia Plath, from “The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.”

Source.

Last night I prayed for you You, who let me swallow The stones you dropped A heart’s trail Leading fast to the edge

I prayed for you Who took my words, my sugar And sprinkled it over someone New, fresh faced and warmed By the fire I lit

I prayed for you To the only man in eternity Who has Loved all of me I sent Him to you with grace Because I am not you

I prayed for you But first, I prayed for myself And found my soul cannot rise When anchored to yours So in freeing myself

I must also free you Amen.

-(a.e.) // I prayed

— an anonymous woman on coming to terms with being a lesbian in the 1950’s-60’s, from an interview with Deborah Goleman Wolf

“Forest dreams, are they not the most wonderful, lover mine, lover sweet.”

—

“Eye contact is a dangerous, dangerous thing. But lovely. God, so lovely.”

— Hedonist Poet