Evergreen-pumpkin - Zώη

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Copy-Cat Panera Mac & Cheese

Recipe by Cheese Knees

why do I have to do it?

growing up, I was the responsible one, the reliable one, the one no one had to worry about too much. Mom was busy with work and my little brother and my dad was traveling for work (and cheating while doing so). I helped protect my family, saved my dog, babysat when needed, and comforted my mom when everything finally fell apart. My brother has always been headstrong and tends to lack any kind of initiative or foresight, so oftentimes I found myself picking up the slack-- I did his chores (or redid them, as they were often done poorly), I made him breakfast, etc. But I never complained, as it would only add to my mom's overflowing plate.

I couldn't complain about anything. It would only add stress to the family and my mom was already stretched thin, I couldn't make her feel bad. Trying to get my brother to help was a neverending battle that often ended with him not doing anything anyway.

Time goes on, new relationships, new living situations. I thought maybe something would change. My mom's new boyfriend, while miles and miles better than my father, still doesn't offer too much help. Yes, he helps, but there's no initiative and it's almost like... He doesn't exactly know how to be an adult yet. Who does? But please try.

I visit home. I'm tired. Why do I have to remind the bf and my brother to do things like empty the dishwasher? Why do I have to remind people to get Xmas presents for my mom? Why do I have to monitor my brother and his friend bc of my brother's unwise decisions? Why do I have to sneak my dogs around because the bf's mom, who lives with us, can't be bothered to help her own dogs? Why do I have to make sure Oreo is taken care of, yet my brother swears he loves her and that she is his dog? Why can't I vent about this new house not having space for me without my mom getting upset? I'm not upset with my mom, I just need to air out my frustrations. I'm always there for my mom of course. I'm always there to support her. But why do I have to hear it all and then be unable to do the same without guilt?

I find myself complaining to my friends sometimes. I hate that because I feel that all I do is complain to them, and who wants to be friends with someone who does that? Plus, like I said, I don't hate my mom. She's fucking amazing and was just dealt an unfair hand. But I don't like being the caretaker. Leave me alone.

I hate having to help with bills when I can barely afford my own. My physical and mental health is declining. I find myself hating my brother. I can't talk to anyone about this.

I want to sleep.

I'm a dog owner, dog trainer, and dog exhibitor. 100% agree.

what I’ve been saying for years

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

Siobhán Danielle O’Dwyer

Macaroni and cheese (via Instagram)

Kuju Flower Park, Japan

astrailor_jp

Willow Lake & San Francisco Peaks ...at the end of golden hour. I went back to a somewhat better vantage point with my Sigma zoom at 220mm. Willow Lake is a reservoir in the Granite Dells in Prescott, AZ and the snow covered San Francisco Peaks are the remains of a dormant stratovolcano North of Flagstaff (about 65 miles NE).