Onion Not Even Doing Satire At This Point

gonna start saying 'the explanation did not seem to explain' all the time now

The 2020s news cycle is just a really long version of We didn’t start the fire

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

Show him the fruits

I know that we like to think that after becoming a Selunite, Shadowheart and Isobel would get along super well but BUT I would like to pose the idea that IN FACT their relationship would stay exactly as catty and toxic as it was before as they argue endlessly about who Selune loves more.

Isobel: She channeled her powers through me so that I could protect the Last Light Inn.

Shadowheart: Cool, she gave you a responsibility. She gave ME a blessed, Legendary +3 spear

Isobel: I'm literally dating her daughter

Shadowheart: Who I saved from eternal imprisonment. You're welcome, by the way

Isobel: Alright that's it AYLIN HOLD ME BACK

unadulterated loathing