fauxlemons

Latest Posts by fauxlemons

Bad Puns #1: Fish

A random arsenal of terrible fish puns to use in your daily life.

Enjoy >:)

Q: What’s the silliest fish in the ocean?

A clownfish!

Q: How do you make an octopode laugh? 

Ten-tickles!

Q: What would you call a fish convicted of a crime?

Gill-ty.

Q: What did the priest say to the bride and groom tuna?

It’s oh-fish-ial.

Q: What do you call a fish class?

A school!

A pre-written rant on dolphins

I hate dolphins, by the way. Never particularly understood why people like them, cos they creep me out a lot lol. The other day, I was looking through some old google docs and found something I wrote a while ago (I must've been like 12-13??). So, without further ado, here's Young Lemon's opinion on dolphins.

If you may be wondering why I detest dolphins, here is a list I’ve compiled as concrete reasons for the true horror that dolphins are. This, of course, doesn’t include my personal bias of finding them creepy and thinking they look like anorexic whales, as well as hating the presumption by many individuals that such creatures are kind; although, you’re welcome to agree. 

A well-known fact about dolphins is that they are extremely intelligent, which means that their behavior is even more creepy and horrifying, as they know the implications of it. 

For one, dolphins are libidinous/aggressively goatish. Gangs of male dolphins often kidnap and sexually assault female dolphins; physically hurting them if they fight back. Imagine swimming and you see one of these, knowing what they do to fellow dolphins. Humans aren’t safe from dolphins either, unfortunately. Many have reported uncomfortable experiences with a dolphin because of this, both male and female. Other sea creature species also fall victim to the whims of the humble dolphin, even in death. 

In addition, male dolphins commit infanticide because they want to mate with the mother dolphin again; sometimes dolphins just kill for fun. Perhaps it’s not regular, but it still occurs too many times. Some dolphins have been observed attacking (and beating to death) porpoises, for no apparent reason (not for food or for defense). 

Another reason dolphins are terrifying is that they view almost anything as a toy, including baby sharks and other sea creatures, which has horrified researchers. 

My last reason for my claim is that the way dolphins treat their prey is vicious. They toy with their prey, hurting them in ways that cause a slow and painful death, even though they can cause a quick death. It includes slapping fish around or tossing them on a beach for slow suffocation. 

I leave you on this note, hoping you come away with a better understanding of a dolphin’s hidden side.

JESUS. The way the paragraphs are structured remind me of how I was taught to write in third grade, which is certainly interesting. Plus, "aggressively goatish;" that's something you don't hear often. I looked it up and it means something 'lustful or lecherous.' I didn't remember all this about dolphins, but definitely something to keep in mind next time someone invites me to see them.