Playing Among Us With My Brother Is So Fucking Funny Because He Omits The Truth And Embelleshes Things

It’s a beautiful morning, guys, gals, and nb pals, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the Cheeto is out of office, hallelujah everybody

My mom, 4 different bags of candy in her arms, spotting a ghost-shaped cookie cutter: oooh! Let’s make GHOST COOKIES

My brother, 17 years old but 49 in spirit: mom. You have so much stuff to do in preparation for the Halloween party tomorrow, we don’t have time for- mom. Mom p l e a s e-

“Hey you want some weed?” Nah man just insinuate in a conversation that you think of me when I’m not around and I’ll ride that high for the next six days minimum

When people graffiti on buildings: Yes! Ha ha! Fuck yes!

When people graffiti on rockfaces and cliffsides on hiking trails: What the absolute fuck.

Me finding a Giant Motherfucking Spider™️ in the bathroom and deliberately leaving it alone so that my wuss siblings might find it later and pay me to kill it for them

THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING

This movie can't be fr

Torture to be a fan of any exotic animal when it's like. 90% of the footage of them is gonna be from dodo videos of people illegally keeping them as housepets . Really wish I could enjoy this video of a lynx but I also kinda wish everyone involved would die

There are three kinds of LGBT headcanons:

Actual queer coding / metaphors ("Nimona is trans because her creator made her as a way to express his feelings as a trans person")

Vibes ("Link is genderless because I said so")

It's funny ("Phoenix Wright is asexual because he's the Ace Attorney")

Spent tonight doing Christmas Shit™ despite it being November because it has been a tough year and if we wanna put a tree up and make sugar cookies a month early we fuckin will

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver