No One Has Ever Described Girlhood Like Elena Ferrante. The Expectations. The Inherent Dissatisfaction,

In Weimar Germany, in 1930, before Hitler, you could get gender treatment as a trans woman. The laws against homosexuality were largely unenforced, and the earliest gender-affirming surgeries were being developed.

A few years later, those same people were all living inside Hitler's Germany. It was all gone.

In the US in 2024 you could get an M, F, or X gender marker on your passport. No questions asked, just circle the box you want.

It's gone now.

Each verse of history has the same refrain. Kill your generation's fascists and rebuild.

The way Aegon desperately wants to fill the conqueror's armor, even when it's evidently too large for him to fully take up. He looks like a boy slipping into his father's coat, a boy whose idea of his father as this invincible figure, who he can never quite reach, is destined to be popped some way or another.

Aegon isn't the only one who clings to the idea of the conqueror as this ideal. His shadow looms large over all of House Targaryen, this almost mythical figure whose legacy all Targaryen try to claim for themselves. They chase after his ghost, believing that to truly be a Targaryen, one must be like him: ruthless, powerful, and above all, victorious. They forget—or perhaps choose to ignore—that his victories were bathed in blood, that his crown was forged in fire and brutality. His legacy is a cursed throne, a throne that cuts most who sit upon it, a throne that pits people against each other.

Generation after generation, Targaryens name their children are after him. Aegon. A name dripping in history and blood and crushed dreams. They hope that this name will bring with them the strength and glory. A babe born to me, wearing the Conqueror's crown. But these hopes are often dashed. These children are caught in the endless cycle of violence that defines their bloodline. They keep meeting more and more horrific fates—murder, madness, betrayal.

The prophecy that the Conqueror himself used as justification for all the blood he spilt, the prophecy so many Targaryen feel like is theirs to fulfill—the promise of a hero who will save the world—only serves to further the rot. This prophecy, ever so vague and open to interpretation, is a way for them to give purpose to the endless wars and the pain. The Conqueror was no savior; he was a man driven by ambition and thirst for power, a man who saw kingdoms as prizes to be won and people as obstacles to be removed. He was a man who saw himself to be superior to others on the basis of what flowed through his veins.

'boundaries' as the dignity of a human being and their personhood, autonomy and inherent right to live being eroded and destroyed. lila thrown out of a window as a child for demanding to go to school. pasquale's father being thrown against a wall for demanding justice after mafiosi stole his shop. the neighbourhood itself as the thing that shaves down your dignity. poverty and capitalism and fascism and misogyny all fused together to create a different beast, and that beast eats away at your boundaries slowly slowly slowly. pasquale's mama in the bathroom after a lifetime of sorrow and horror. the children are outside singing. do you remember? she painted her nails red. 'dissolving boundaries' as the body's response to abuse in its every form, individual and societal. and so the person within the body becomes undone. loosens. nothing firm remains. like oil like water. lila cerullo.

Axel Schovelin (Danish, 1827–1893) - View of Frederiksborg Castle and the lake on a summer day

Shawl Dancers. Ruthe Blalock Jones / Chulundit. 2004. acrylic on canvas

Why did I just notice that???

Do you see how Alicent is so dissatisfied in the scenes during the Green Council meeting in episode 9? How utterly surprised and somewhat disappointed?

It's not because she falls from cloud nine to discover the possibility of Aegon becoming king when she learns about the lords' "long-laid plans" from Tyland Lannister. She knew that it would make sense for Aegon to inherit the throne for both the realm and the survival of her family, and basically gave us hints she realized this as early as the hunt scene in episode 3.

More specifically, she understands that she might have to put Aegon on the throne during the scene when a heavily drunk Viserys laments his fears of making a mistake in naming Rhaenyra his heir since he now has a son, and reveals to Alicent his prophetic vision of seeing his son with the conqueror's crown. Even if at that moment, Alicent reassures Viserys he made the right choice, you can see that the doubt lingers in her mind, and in seeing Rhaenyra return from the hunt covered in blood in absolute and ruthless callousness, Alicent recognizes the danger.

It is a wake-up call: in the end, she might have to choose her son over Rhaenyra.

And of course, we know that as Aegon was growing up, Alicent spent hours musing these doubts and even confronts him with them in episode 6: "You are the challenge, simply by living and breathing. You are the king's firstborn son and what they know, what everyone in the realm knows in their blood and in their bones, is that one day you will be our king."

So what explains her dismay during the Green Council meeting??

As I see it, the cause of Alicent's distress during the Green Council among other things is not that the lords planned a whole operation to crown Aegon as king, but that they did so behind her back, as if she is not fit to be included in these discussions, let alone be consulted for her own son's future and survival.

She rightly says: "Am I to understand that members of the small council have been planning secretly, to install my son without me?" and right after that comes the condescending reply: "My queen, there was no need to sully you with darkling schemes."

No sh!t.

Remember how betrayed and distraught Alicent felt went Aemond lost an eye and everyone dismissed her concerns as that of an overreacting and overbearing mother? The Green Council scene gives flashbacks to this.

Once again, Alicent's wishes, her wills, her thoughts, and her whole person as a mother, queen, advisor, and woman, are sidelined and minimized by members of her own council.

So this is why I think it makes sense that episode 9 is called "The Green Council" which contrasts the name given to a different council meeting in episode 10, namely, "The Black Queen." Because apparently, Rhaenyra owns her council meeting, even if she has to shut down Daemon to do so. But Alicent is not yet perceived as her own council's queen.

I hope we can somehow see Alicent truly become her own Green Queen in season 2.

sansa fc: amy wren, kaitlyn dever, arya fc: georgie henley, mackenzie foy / paintings: “amor aeternus” by william oxer, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” by john william godward / quotes: a game of thrones - eddard vii, a storm of swords - sansa ii, a clash of kings - arya ii

happy memories and bittersweet thoughts

Emil Lauffer (1837-1909), Kriemhild’s Accusation (Kriemhild accuses Gunther and Hager of murdering her husband Siegfried)

when i look at her, there's only one question in my head, will she grieve for me as much as I grieve for my child?