I Confuse People. I Have A Happy Personality And A Sad Soul. I'm Bold But Shy. I Love Deeply But Sometimes

"i wanna do this with you" is a love language 🫀

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit

(this isnt to shit on Miura. his work has endlessly inspired and meant a lot to me, but that doesn't mean that it is exempt from constructive criticism)

i love Casca but damn it if she isn't the most misused character ever. I can understand what happened to her in the Eclipse from a narrative standpoint (Miura really didn't need to draw that scene in titillating angles though. It was fucking disgusting already). I can understand Casca loosing her memories. And as much as I despise it I can even understand her going into a zombie child-like state.

But what I can't understand is her being in this state…for what is essentially almost the entirety of the main story (20+ real life years) and GET 0 CHARACTER DEVELOPEMENT IN BETWEEN.

Don't get me wrong, arguably the best scene in the story is when she finally "wakes up" in Elfhelm. But they couldn't even give her a single thought, a short internal dialogue of the conscious part of her brain in between all this time? Nothing for who is essentially the tritagonist and supposedly the main heroine of this story, to who is at her core a really interesting and beautiful character with tons of wasted potential?

I firmly believe that some stories can never be translated into a different medium and that's okay

CSM rant. The tragedy of the Hayakawa family

The tragedy of Aki Hayakawa was not only his own, but also Denji's own suffering. What Makima did was to raise a dog. What She did was to build a foundation in which Denji could grow, flourish as a human being, using both Aki and Power as the core of this little dysfunctional rag tag trio, only to rip that away in the cruellest way possible. Destroy his home in front of his eyes, by his own hand.

Home is a person. Aki Hayakawa was already a gaping hole of loss and grief. And Power had no sense of what human connection feels like. They Worked as a perfect beat for Denji to bite into. For Makima, Denji was a dog and Power and Aki were the meat of an animal you fattened up to kill and feed the dog.

What was more disturbing is that, not only did she used Denji's own vulnerability against him, but also Aki and Power’s. She meticulously played her cards and chose those two as they work the best. When you are lonely for such a long time you simply try to grapple with whatever you can get your hands on. For Aki however, it was rather peculiar. He never really managed to cope with his loss. Which led it to fester and rot silently. He chose to keep the wound tender and burning as it would simply fuel his single minded death parade to kill the gun devil. But what he didn't expect was for him to feel so profoundly for each and everyone around him, he was still just a guy. He chose to build walls around himself, wear his cold anger on his face, to put on that unapproachable facade that led people to view him as a stoic jerk. But what he also wore was his heart on his sleeves. And somehow, some people choose to stick with him. Himeno being a prime example. The thing is, he lets people in without realising it. Because somewhere in him, he carves the connection.

And Denji, despite not looking like it, is highly sensible and empathetic when it comes to forming bonds and connection with people. It goes beyond his horniness but rather something that his teenage self also carves, the need for nurture and for a shoulder to lean on. Which is exactly what Aki is. He is stoic, he is a perfectionist and he knows how to take care of and nurture someone and to simply put, he is everything Denji needs in a guardian.

I guess I really want to talk about his sublit but prominent suicidal tendencies too. But let's save that for later.

With Power, it's something else but also not so different. The thing is, fiends also have empathy and feelings, they aren't exactly the heartless nightmare fuel that are often their devil counterpart. Power is kind of a different case then Denji and Aki. In where Denji chooses to shut his brain in order to make himself feel at home, and Aki simply ( trying ) to give his middle finger to establishing connection ( and failing to do so miserably ) Power is surprisingly open about it. She lets her emotions control the best of her. She is willing to bash Denji’s head open and probably get herself killed just to save her cat. And that openness is something that both Aki and Denji get more and more comfortable in. Power is selfish, she's a brat, but she cares. With her you don't have to pretend as she also has nothing to hide.

But Makima actually failed to fathom exactly how DEEP this connection between those three ran. And definitely not the outcome it will lead to.

And Denji himself as a person. Makima underestimated him a big time.

It's lowkey a fucking rant. I needed to proceed with the absolute psychological fuckary Makima dumped on those three unfortunate individuals. So yeah. It's kinda 'yap without any closure on sight ' kinda rant.

Wordy by aavfvl

{Words by José Olivarez from Citizen Illegal /@fatimaamerbilal , from even flesh eaters don't want me.}

I love dark CSM art with religious symbolism. Especially Makima art, it’s so good. There needs to be more art that depicts her accurately, I hate how over-sexualized she is. Why are ppl so afraid to draw her as the demonic, oversized coat wearing gremlin that she is? She’s a devil.

Fujimoto gives so many parallels between her and the Virgin Mary, come on. I want to see art of her next to those creepy angel statues that are in cemeteries. Need inspiration? Just listen to Machine Girl. I DEMAND she be acknowledged for the eerie, unsettling, sleep paralysis demon that she is‼️

Sorry, I’m sleep deprived and felt like ranting. But seriously, to all CSM artists, ilysm <3

< She really is one of my favorite characters though, I could write a dissertation on her. >

Martin Buxbaum