On The One Hand, Extremely Funny To Get Told “get Help” By A Fortune Cookie, On The Other, I Can’t

Fontaine Mons part 1

LOS ANGELES LAKERS x ONE PIECE Collab Anime (2025)

I wanted to make a post about why the Golden House constantly producing Mora doesn't actually cause inflation in Teyvat, but then i started to think about how does inflation work in our world and got really fucking depressed

this is so silly im so proud jdjsjsksk

WHO FUCKED THE MELUSINE?

Adoption is not an Option

As Fontanians we have all grown used to the presence of melusines in our daily lives: with their cheerful attitude and genuine desire to help, you can always count on them to brighten your day.

Melusines are indeed, as our Iudex would say, the pride of Fontaine, with their bright colours and wide array of personalities no melusine looks the same.

The most unique case, though, is one that most people will hopefully not meet during their lifetime, as she resides in the depths.

The Head Nurse position of the Fortress of Meropide, Fontaine’s infamous prison, is held by none other than a melusine named Sigewinne: she is a balm on the soul of convicts who struggle to get used to the rough life of the Fortress, with her sweet disposition yet brutal efficiency, she looks like a little fairy stepped out of a book just to give you a spark of hope for the future.

One of her most unique traits that might catch the average person’s eye is that she looks distinctly more human that other melusines: while she does keep some of melusines’ most unique traits such as the wings or the tail, she has a human face, and human hands with five fingers, instead of the usual paws. Not only that, but she also appears to be the only melusine possessing a vision.

It is truly a curious sight, and one cannot help some innocent curiosity about it: why is she different from other melusines? 

Despite melusine presence being widely accepted in Fontaine - thankfully leaving behind us days of hatred and distrust of the past - not a lot about them is known; their origin and way of life outside of the Court is, while not being kept secret by anyone, still quite mysterious.

What makes this one melusine so different from others? Is it possible that she is a result of an evolutionary process of two species assimilating into one due to close coexistence?

There are actually many facts disproving this theory: first of all how is it that in the past five hundred years there is only one melusine who is evolving in such manner? Second is that as of now it would be the fastest example of evolution known on Teyvat, as no other studied species has shown visible change in a period so short as a couple hundred of years. And third, why, if the melusine presence is so accepted and even celebrated, would melusines undergo an evolution process giving them the ability to blend in with the species they’ve been cohabiting with, not unlike some species which use mimetism as a form of self preservation from threats.

If we discard the evolution explanation, then we might consider the possibility of a cross-species individual, a being who is both melusine and human, presenting features of both species.

Even taking into consideration such a hypothesis, a very important question still remains: who are the parents of this hypothetically human-melusine child?

First of all, let's exclude one possibility: none of the melusine that roam the Court is the mother of this child. Melusines have a childlike innocence and personality and nobody should look at them with any type of sexual interest. 

If the Head Nurse was the result of such a tragic case, we wouldn't have the need to ask ourselves this question, for our rightful Chief Justice Neuvillette would not have let the culprit go unpunished.

Either way this does bring us closer to identifying at least one of the melusine parents: Monsieur Neuvillette is notoriously fond of melusines and dotes on them as if they were his own daughters. He's the one who first brought them to Fontaine, he made many laws to protect their rights, and all the melusines greatly look up to him. If you've ever asked a melusine how they feel about Monsieur Neuvillette, you've probably received an answer expressing great admiration and a deep emotional bond between them.

What if we were to take this a little more literally than just an expression of trust? After all, Monsieur Neuvillette is indeed a perfect candidate for the position of one of our enigmatic human melusine's parents.

Monsieur Neuvillette’s non-human nature is somewhat of an open secret in the Court of Fontaine: speculations have kept popping up since our Chief Justice took post - which is over four hundred years ago - but he has neither confirmed nor denied any of the rumours.

Today we want to bring a new theory to the speculation table regarding Monsieur Neuvillette’s true identity, which is carefully kept under wraps from the common folks: Monsieur Neuvillette is actually the only male melusine residing in Fontaine.

Aside from his affection towards melusines, he also shares some unique features with them, such as the rhinophores and his connection to the Waters.

Nevertheless he also looks distinctly more human and also way older than the rest, as if he were an elder looking after his younglings. We also know he uses masculine pronouns, opposite to the feminine pronouns melusine use by law, thus the difference in gender.

Though we cannot confirm Monsieur Neuvillette personally sired all the melusines, he is for now the only individual who fits that role.

As we have previously established, Head Nurse Sigewinne’s other parent is probably a human due to her appearance - the other melusines’ parentage is unknown - which distinguishes her from other melusines.

Who is the other mysterious parent?

The Iudex has always been very private about his personal life and no rumour of occasional lovers or established partners have ever come to our ears. 

Taking a closer look at Head Nurse Sigewinne’s close relationship, though, it’s pretty obvious that she shares a special bond with the Administrator of the Fortress of Meropide, the Duke Incognito of the Murky Depths: first person accounts confirm that their relationship resembles what you would see between a father and his daughter. 

What few rumours exist about the Duke make him out to be an intimidating figure, both physically and as a presence commanding respect, but also do mention him having a soft spot for melusines - almost like a distant father doting on his recently acquired daughters.

Now, of course you might have noticed a flaw in this reasoning: the Duke is a man.

How is it possible for two men to conceive a child?

While it is impossible for a biologically male human to conceive children, we have to consider that it might not be impossible for a non-human species like melusines: after all Monsieur Neuvillette is, allegedly, the only adult melusine we know of, and without another to either confirm or deny this theory it is but speculation.

Both the Duke and the Iudex being paternal towards the Head Nurse is not enough to also tie them together as partners, but it is a known fact that Monsieur Neuvillette has been the one who first supported the new Administrator and made a case for him to be bestowed the title of Duke. 

Both Maison gestionnaires and Meropide guards have described their relationship as cordial and harmonious, going so far as to say they’ve witnessed them meeting outside of their respective office hours. It is also not uncommon for gift packages to arrive both from the Palais Mermonia or from the Fortress, along with a letter detailing business proceedings.

If the Iudex and the Duke have indeed been in an established relationship for years, it is understandable, given their professions, that they would try to keep it as a private affair, as it could potentially create a conflict of interest in the Fontanian justice system, as well as a risk of backlash for the kid born of such union.

What is truly concerning is that if it is indeed our esteemed Iudex that carried on the pregnancy, he did so while he relentlessly kept working, as we never got word of Monsieur Neuvillette taking a temporary leave from his duties in the past century. It is truly a sign of love when a parent is ready to put himself in a very stressful situation like hiding a pregnancy in plain sight in order to protect the precious and fragile life growing within.

After almost five hundred years of steadfast dedication to maintaining total impartiality, there is no doubt in our minds that Fontainian people hold a great deal of admiration and respect for our Iudex and it will certainly not be the unexpected but heartwarming news of a loving family to damage that trust. 

The staff wishes to express their full support for Monsieur Neuvillette and his family if they decide to go public with their relationship, confident that all of Fontaine will be behind them.

i have decided that if we do not get this in game, i will personally re-record all of his lines and do the worst attempt at a british accent you'll ever hear in your life

there is no hearing out on this one, you will listen.

never gets old

Genshin Impact | Some Funny moments in Furina's Demo

some flavor of royal au…

every six months i convince myself i’m over these two and every six months i am proven wrong

autism creature Neuvillette and blorbo Wriothesley

I am making this post because Fontaine Archon Quest made me go down the theory rabbit hole and I need other people to agree with me that I'm not crazy.

Of course this post will have SPOLERS about the Archon Quest and some minor one about world quests, but I'll try to stay vague about them so everyone can still read this.

First thing off, fontaine is super related to Abyss stuff:

So far we have:

Childe actually finally dropping the things from his character story, giving us some weird Abyss fact that doesn't seem to be important yet (but i bet will become later on);

the whole Primordial Sea thing. I don't know if you saw that, but during the Archon Quest (in Marcel's underwater hideout) if you use elemental sight on the water it's black, just straight up black. 

NOTHING has ever been black before, so that to me just screams ABYSS. 

Also, it was flowing upwards, as in, in reverse, which reminds me of the reverse statue, the reverse city in the chasm, and all of that stuff. Then it would also make sense for it to "reverse" the life it created, dissolving people. 

the world quests in Fontaine being very Abyss related, as well as the constant mention all over fontaine of the name Jakob Ingold, the one who allegedly first discovered the effects the water from Primordial Sea had on people (this is said during the Archon Quest).

So far, in every Archon Quest we've had the Fatui as main villains (except in Mondstadt, but then Signora kinda stole the spotlight, so we all forgot about the Abyss Mages), and the Abyss Order stuff has progressed independently with Dain, but I think they're trying to reintroduce the topic in the main quest this time.

One of my main theories is that the Tsaritsa is at least somewhat right in whatever her objective is (even if her Harbingers are deranged psychopaths), so when we'll eventually get to Snezhnaya it's gonna be some huge mess, but we're gonna get the key to piece together some facts that they've throwing at us since the beginning with no context, and find some common ground (Are she or Pierro still gonna be bosses we'll have to fight? Maybe. Will the common ground be fighting Celestia or maybe saving it from the Abyss that is, maybe, taking over? Also Maybe. I have some speculations, but no proof whatsoever. Just vibes)

The reason I think that the Tsaritsa is not our enemy and doesn't want the Gnosis to, I don't know, take over the world or some shit, is because then why are all the Archons so chill about giving their Gnosis away?

Many say that, well, Signora attacked Venti in Mondstadt, that means Venti didn't want to give his Gnosis to the Fatui, otherwise why would she have done that? 

And maybe that's even true, but 

why isn't Venti more worried about it, then? 

after knowing Signora's backstory, she probably did it because of a personal grudge, ngl

Also, with every other archon it went very peacefully, especially with Zhongli. Zhongli who literally gave it away like it was nothing: if he truly cared about it he would have found another way to get his retirement, the Fatui weren't the only ones he could ask for help, but since he was already giving it away he probably thought he should get something out of it.

Ei too (and while she isn't technically one of the original Seven she has always been there as Makoto's twin, so she's still old enough to remember the Archon War), she literally didn't even have it on her and wasn't worried at all when Miko just straight up gave it away.

Even Nahida gave two of them away, the only thing that was holding her back was not the fact that she needed them, or what the Tsaritsa wanted with them, just the fact that one had just been used by Dottore to create a god to replace her, so she didn't exactly want to give him two of them.

So far all the gods we've met are: either old enough to know some stuff or the literal god of wisdom, who still knows some stuff thanks to Irminsul.

None of them seem too worried about the Tsaritsa's plan. (even mf Zhongli that literally signed and NDA is just chilling) (like, i know you know what the Tsaritsa is doing, and you're a really good guy who literally wants nothing more than his people to be safe, so if you're not stopping her i can't really think of her as a bad guy)

I made this long ass premise to say that when Lyney says that Arlecchino yes, wants the Gnosis, but also wants to save Fontaine, I-

like-

I think that could actually be true.

Or at least I don't think they're the ones behind all of the stuff that is going in in there (realistically speaking, we don't know if Arlecchino actually cares about Fontaine. I don't think she has plans about its downfall, but maybe she just doesn't give a fuck, whether they all drown or not), I think it either directly the Abyss Order, or just a consequences of abyssal energy on the land and water.

(also there's like, three Fatui tents in the entire map and from where they're placed it could actually be them just investigating what the fuck it's going on with the Abyss. I have 100% exploration, so i know i haven't missed any,,)

(from the official Interactive Map)

The Abyss being responsible might explain a bunch of stuff, like Childe being judged by the Oratrice guilty even when he's not.

Let's put some stuff together: Childe says that, while in the Abyss, he awakened "something", and that he still carries traces of that "something" inside of him.

The Oratrice is a divine mechanism, as such it is powered by divine energy.

In Fontaine we are introduced to Pneuma and Ousia. 

Each of them is what could be called and "Archè", which (if memories of greek philosophy in high school don't betray me) means something like "original substance", something from which everything else originates (like Heraclitus thought it was fire, Thales thought it was water. I should go back to read it, i might find something there huh).

For Pneuma (the light one) this is easy to understand: after all we know that combined, the seven elements make the Light element, but that is just because the seven elements are actually the spectrum of the Light element broken down, and it is said that the Dragons lived in a realm made of Light. So Pneuma (which means something about life and stuff) is Light, and it is the original substance from which the seven elements derive. 

One thing we know about Pneuma and Ousia is that they are opposites, they are both energy sources, and when interacting they annihilate each other, but also become more stable than when on their own.

Allegedly, this is probably also what Khaenri'ahn machines were powered on (because when the Ruin Serpent charges up he does that AoE attack where he shoot these yellow and purple blocks, which reminds me of Pneuma and Ousia; added to the fact that we know the Research Institute of Fontaine has been studying Dhari machines, this is probably some kind of confirmation).

Ousia literally means something about substance and matter (so on one hand you've got the "divine mind generating life" on the other you've got the matter, which remind me of the whole Descartes's res cogitans and res extensa, but whatever, another thing to look up again i guess).

If we're working on the whole "opposite to Pneuma" thing (so opposite to Light and elemental energy), then all that comes to mind is the Abyss (also referred to as the Void Realm).

This would tie back to Khaenri'ah and the fact that everything that everything that the Abyss touches gets the Mussolini treatment (this is a joke that literally only italians understand, sorry. Basically: it gets hanged upside down. down with the fascism boys)(i need to stop, sorry, i'm just in a silly goofy mood).

So divine things come from the Pneuma archè, that of Light: the Dragons, after them is the Primordial One, Celestia (Paimon??? The Travelers??? you know, the whole battle pass cutscene is hella sus).

The Abyss is a completely different archè: it exists outside of Teyvat and therefore has different laws (time is different there, we know from Childe's backstory), has taken on many different forms (oozing filth in the chasm, forbidden knowledge, etc) because its purest one is incompatible with the other realms.

(Do the Celestial Nails, placed in areas of high abyssal energy, contain enough divine power to generate an annihilation reaction, leading to funky but stable ley line disorders? Ice from Dragonspine doesn't melt, but doesn't spread either. Same for Tsurumi Island, the Eternal Oasis, and the Chasm)

Logically, there can only be one "original substance from which everything is generated", and the Abyss's presence on Teyvat is unnatural (the Abyss is, after all, a completely different world, it was Nibelung who sought out its power and opened the connection), so conflict is inevitable and again with the greek philosophy (still Heraclitus i believe, but i could be wrong): it is the conflict between opposites that generates things (such as energy). 

(The first human civilization in Teyvat, the one that saw the conflict between the Primordial One and the Second Who Came, is based on ancient Greece. DO WE THINK IT'S A COINCIDENCE???)

Abyssal and elemental energy being opposites also explains why elemental creatures are so vulnerable against abyssal energy, why gods defeated in the Archon War escaped to die in the "dark sea" outside of Teyvat, and the annihilation that leads to stabilization probably explains why some abyssal creatures can wield elemental energy (Abyssal creatures that we know where humans at first).

If the waters in Fontaine got contaminated when the Cataclysm happened (and previous Hydro Archon died), then oceanids, elemental creatures, would suffer quite a lot and escape from Fontaine and MAYBE even get a little bit corrupted as well. 

After all, the oceanid lady in the bottle event was extremely chill and lovely, while Rhodeia is as pleasant as hugging a cactus: is it just different personality or something similar to what happened with Apep (when she became a lot more angry after absorbing Forbidden Knowledge)? Doesn't Rhodeia also mention something about the waters in Qingce once being polluted as well (you know, right where the Chi was sealed? The Chi we know has something to do with abyssal energy from Baizhu's story quest)? 

Just throwing these out there, it's very cool to realize how connected the Genshin world really is.

Going back to the Oratrice, a divine mechanism, who, maybe, sensed the Abyss in Childe and either

had a funky reaction 

somehow knew the influence of the Abyss on Primordial Sea water (which after the world quests I can imagine how it could have happened), saw Childe's abyss-iness (abyssussy??? abussy??? amogus???) and went "Ah! Gotcha bitch" 

the Jakob Ingold thing (because Childe is basically a herald at this point, mf can switch forms like my boy Enjou did back in Enkanomiya, god I miss him). 

What would the abyss order have to gain by flooding Fontaine? Yeah, play the world quests. My boy Elynas is taking a nap bro (he chill tho so it's fine)

AND THAT'S MY PREDICTIONS. I guess. I might make more?? eventually??