Hol Up Someone Said That One Scene From Trials Of Apollo:

im sat. im taking notes. im obsessed with the dissertation and the breakdown.

i know what i gotta do. i gotta fix the timeline. i gotta rewrite all of canon and make stars chrisker the new canon event.

Some scattered thoughts about Wesker's character and STARS

Your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing" - Fyodor Dostoevsky.

Wesker grew up in an environment controlled by Umbrella. I like to think of it as an institute or orphanage. He must have felt lonely. He must have been alone.

This fact is not trivial because loneliness is thematic and yet ambivalent when it comes to Wesker's character. His relationship with other people and humanity as a whole is complex but fundamental to understanding his motivations. We know for a fact that he is not averse to being alone and even enjoys solitary walks through the Arklay forest. He also talks a lot to himself. But is his relation to aloneness one-dimensional?

He was human (and in some ways, he still is even after his death and rebirth). As a consequence, alterity interplay necessarily shaped his identity, even if he himself went so far as to cast away his humanity, deemed a weakness. This credo does not pertain only to Wesker. Alex Wesker, Dr. Marcus, Spencer, William Birkin, Sergei Vladimir... Umbrella's executives and higher-ups regard humanity as a dead end to be overcome with the help of science.

But unlike them, Wesker managed a small family team for almost 3 years. And unlike them, even after his rebirth, Wesker never really works alone.

I like to imagine how much inner conflict and cognitive dissonance the STARS era must have triggered. Can you really select people that you find highly capable, train with them, earn their respect and trust, and not care at all ?

Is it truly possible that he was but a cold monster, conditioned by Umbrella to destroy the world and embody the future of humanity ? An efficient tool that was taught how to identify valuable people and exploit their abilities ? Is Wesker just repeating with others what Spencer did with him ?

It’s an interpretation of the character. I find it too plain for my tastes. Wesker is a man of contradictions. He values freedom, is brilliant, and yet he is never able to think outside Umbrella's conceptual box. He values efficiency and yet seems unable to get rid of Chris and Jill. He obviously craves control and seems wary and distrustful, which is probably a result of Umbrella's smothering grasp on him since childhood, and yet he trusts Ada, Krauser, Excella and other people to carry out his plans, increasing the risk of betrayal. Wesker is multifaceted, and so is his relationship with humanity.

Wesker's education is undoubtedly orchestrated by Umbrella/Spencer. Conceived and planned by Lord Spencer and his colleague Dr Wesker, Albert’s education was designed to make him an active defender of utilitarian philosophy, though devoid of its moral aspect. 

I believe the STARS, its inability to let go of the past, particularly Chris, reveals a failure in Spencer's plan.

Even if "little piggies" sounds provocative and unflattering, and even if he evokes "a family reunion" in an ironic way, there is still something along the lines of possessiveness that manifests itself here. When it comes to Chris, Wesker is the most ambivalent, helping him during the events of RE1, lamenting that he "cannot understand" his vision in RE5 and expressing his pride at every encounter.

The point is that Wesker almost never made a choice that wasn't designed or foreseen by Umbrella in his life. Even his suicide and following rebirth, a last-minute plan that was his way out of Umbrella (he symbolically steps on his glasses branded "property of Umbrella"), was overseen by Spencer. But he did choose the STARS members himself with no criteria forced upon him.

When he was given full latitude to build up a team from scratch, he selected talented people, sure, who displayed for most of them an unconventional profile and/or a sense of honor and justice. Chris was kicked out of the USAF, Jill's father is a notorious thief (and herself is suspiciously good at picking locks), Kenneth is a chemist, Richard Aiken lost his sister and wanted to protect others, Rebecca is caring and brilliant,... etc. Wesker's targeted people who were courageous, empathetic, and strong-willed. And yet, at this point, he didn't know what Umbrella's planned to do with them. He chose them freely, with no hidden motive at this point, without Umbrella interfering.

He willingly chose to surround himself with people who absolutely did not share his beliefs. He did NOT choose meek and/or plain people. He COULD have found competent AND cynical, less idealistic, less intelligent, policemen. People whose job was really just a job. But he chose them, introducing a risk factor as he was actually reporting to Umbrella. He chose people who follow their own moral compass, though they are less likely to be manipulated, are more difficult to lie to, and would rather not compromise. People with a sense of justice are often fierce and eager to defend their beliefs even though it's not in their best interest. They could have put Wesker in a delicate position, and, as a matter of fact, Chris, Forest, and Joseph were hated by Brian Irons.

So, why did he do that ?

If you listen attentively to Wesker's soliloquy in RE5, while he tries to pursue Chris as a clumsy octopus-like monster, I believe it makes sense if you consider he sees himself as a Messiah and a Creator.

Wesker states that he hates humanity. But before his experience with STARS, humanity was actually comprising his colleagues within Umbrella. He doesn't know the world even though his denial and inflated ego and probably his own suffering help him believe that he does. Umbrella taught him that people are worth less than nothing. (Though ironically, Umbrella's executives and accomplices, such as Brian Irons, probably reinforced Wesker's belief that humans were to be punished and corrected).

And so, when he loses his mind, he does not ramble, like a classic comic book villain, that humans are stupid or a lost cause. No. He laments that he sees "war and pestilence" wherever he goes. It is very telling : He desperately craves peace and he only sees the world as Umbrella taught him. And it's horrifying. He relishes on being a Creator, a Demiurge. A GOOD one. He wants to punish humanity AND start anew. That's precisely what Uroboros, a never-ending circle of life and destruction, encompasses.

Wesker doesn't only want humanity to face its long overdue punishment ("this winnowing"). He wants humanity to do better, to be closer to perfection, even though his method is totally irrational (as you could argue that he was the one bringing up War and Pestilence at its climax in their universe...).

He hasn't killed Chris, nor Jill, AND he EVEN confesses that he should have killed him YEARS ago. But why does he want his former pointman to understand ? Why is he OBSESSED about Chris "not understanding", if he isn't supposed to survive ?

I think that in Wesker's twisted mind, Chris represents what humanity should be at its best. Wesker fawned over his Tyrant because it was his creation. A new human, created by him, the first step to his new world. But Tyrant is soulless. Chris, Jill, and every member of STARS he chose, trained, and teamed up with, embodied values that he regards as worthy, honorable but not fitted for this corrupted world (according to him). If he calls out Chris on his self-righteousness, it's because Chris does good deeds in an evil world, which Wesker deems worthless because that's inefficient (utilitarian thinking). A drop in the ocean that changes nothing. However, the members of STARS (a name that evokes hope) had a soul. They were drops in the ocean. And they were his.

There is something so enticingly complex about a character who implicitely confesses that the world would be a better place if people were all as good and pure as the STARS members were, while he brutally killed them all in a way that reminds me of the sacrifice of lambs on behalf of a God that is supposed to be fair and good.

He is Frankenstein's beast and a coward and a man that preferred to be cruel (with the intent to be a Savior) than weak (and admitting he was only a pawn in Umbrella's grand scheme of things).

And so, he suffers from chronic backstabber disorder and delusions of grandeur. He believes that he had to escape humanity to punish them and save them, that he had the courage to do what is necessary for the greater good when he is, deep down, just a man. A man who is very angry, very hateful, a coward who walked a path of loneliness because it was much easier than to face the truth : The world can only be painted in shaded of gray and certainly not in black and white. But that would mean throwing away the great destiny that Umbrella designed for him (for Spencer actually, but he realized that at 50 yo...). That would mean that he is just a man, wronged, "manufactured", manipulated and slowly turning into a BOW. Their BOW.

Wesker, who blamed "loathsome humans" for turning the world into a cesspool, was actually one of these humans he so despises, partly because he never really abandoned Umbrella's mindset ("you're just another one of Umbrella's leftover" ie : a thing that belongs to them and doesn't think for himself which is TRUE).

And paradoxically, ironically, he betrayed and murdered in cold blood people that would have helped him make the world a better place.

*I saw this at like 1am and I had to struggle to keep in the screeching when I saw that 2nd panel-*

Yaoi fan ♥

I’ll be back, just wait, I’ll have it done eventually I swear-

My ideal no-notebooks fluff-only Death Note AU is like… The jewel in the Tokyo PD’s crown, almost completely dead-inside genius detective Light Yagami, meets the mysterious freelance detective L on the job the first time a case tricky enough to outlast each party’s tendency to solve crimes before the other one can hear about them crops up. They take a personal interest in each other because you gotta and we start in on a very standard romance meet cute plot with L slowly melting this frosty perfect ice queen’s hard outer shell, except that instead of being soft and vulnerable on the inside Light’s shell conceals a misanthrope with delusions of grandeur and general raging asshole who would sell anybody but his immediate family to the devil for a warm chicken salad sandwich. Everyone else is like “…Please put it back,” but L is proudly watching the proceedings while going, “He’ll never achieve self actualization if he doesn’t embrace his sociopathy. It’s good to be yourself.” Naturally, L is humanized in time with this via transitioning from a fancy letter and messages to a voice to a (**big reveal**) person. After Light embracing his true self proves to involve wrapping the case with some technically legal but morally extremely questionable actions he gets disowned/disowns himself and they run away together to a neutrally located non-Japan non-England country to live on the top level of an unnecessarily large building that they own and set up there as detective partners. All their clients like Light best at first because he’s hot and knows how to be charming and otherwise use his face for something besides creepy staring, then eventually gravitate to L when they realize that Light is a habitual liar who cackles maniacally as a hobby and L actually believes in the innate value of human life. Neither ever fully grows out of seeing the other as their pet weirdo. They solve 7000 crimes and eventually die middle aged in a shootout. They arranged for this to domino effect to that case being wrapped up even in the event of their untimely demise beforehand. Everybody expects it to come out that they were secretly married in the following legal proceedings but what’s actually revealed is that L has already been legally dead for 12 years.

*cackles at this post in art world drama*

Scientists recently found a fish darker than vantablack :/

they found 16 species of fish with “ultra-black” skin that absorbs almost all the light that hits it. these fish are practically invisible in the murky depths! the ocean is a rich menagerie of horrors!

Why is it that you could switch the roles and it makes sense.

WHY IS IT THAT YOU COULD SWITCH THE

I mean how could anybody possibly say no to that

Not completely accurate I don't think but a nice visual !

This is blursed as hell and I LOVE IT

Mermaids LOVE shoes. 

Many of the materials present in footwear can withstand deep sea pressure, hence why human remains in sunken ships disappear but the shoes don’t. 

When fishing up an old boot, check inside for valuables, as a mermaid may have been using it as a bag.

I love this advice so damn much.

How to Finish

I drew this poster for Jon Acuff and his FINISH book tour. Big thanks to Jon for this collaboration, his book has some great ideas about how to complete creative and life goals.

oh haha lmfaoo

im back on the old blr acc because of toxic yaoi lol

(it is. so bad. i am convinced that the dsm-5 was written in regards to them. they wont get out of my head and bite me whenever i demand they at least pay rent for the space they occupy. someone help me.)

How to make Mabel Juice

I’ve seen approximately a kajillion different recipes for Mabel Juice, so the last thing we need is another one. But I ended up making my own, and I thought I’d share it! 

My recipe is incredibly simple (I had a bit of a time crunch to make it) and takes very little effort.

Ingredients:

a can of frozen raspberry lemonade

a 16oz can of fruit punch flavored energy drink (I used Rockstar)

edible glitter

plastic dinosaurs

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