“I Am Looking Respectfully” “im So Normal About This” Can You Bark Actually? Can You Hit Yourself

One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates approriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

I still get excited when my friends refer to me as their friend

"My friend said" "this is my friend" "they're my friend"

Im freaking out inside every time

dont care. didnt ask. boobs jiggle when i walk.

op turned off reblogs due to getting harassed over this post but i agree with this too hard .m y post now

Sun Tzu is so fucking funny to me because for his time he was legitimately a brilliant tactician but a bunch of his insight is shit like "if you think you might lose, avoid doing that", "being outnumbered is bad generally", and "consider lying."

Labels

Why is there so much pressure

to give a name to certain parts of me?

How I feel,

how I love,

what I am.

I don’t know what my feelings are,

I just feel.

I don’t know what kind of love I experience,

I just love.

I don’t know what to call my identity,

I just am.

Some labels may be close,

but don’t feel quite right.

They trap me in a cage of expectations,

what people expect me to be,

because of the label I use.

I don’t need a word to describe myself

to know that I am me.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it!!!

you are beautiful kind funny AND smart

it's frankly absurd.

@moth-fanatic LUNA MOTH

Luna moth on our garage!! I haven’t seen one in years here, this was awesome!!!!