A Mess

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

Breakfast 🔪

cocosupernova: 💥Avengers!!!!! 💥Loki on the same flight as me on Business Class!!! The most mesmerising flight ever!!!

I wonder if this is common: As a kid I would lose all emotions for periods of weeks or even months, I would feel nothing and live as a zombie, it felt like nothing mattered and nothing could touch me. During these periods I had very little patience or consideration towards others, I would sometimes snap at people or fail to offer reassurance and comfort, and I’d feel incredibly guilty afterwards, but still couldn’t force myself to be kind and gentle at all times. I just wanted to be left alone and not hurt anyone. It would scare me, just how out of control everything was and how much I didn’t care, I would try to force myself to feel something, I would do dangerous things to myself to try and force a reaction, because it felt like I wasn’t a human being anymore, and as if I wasn’t even alive. I would eventually be able to snap out of these by sinking into fantasies and dreams of things that gave me hope, there wasn’t much but I wanted to stay human no matter what.

I understand today I had to be dissociated from my feelings to that degree to stay alive thru traumatic periods of my life. I have very little memories from these periods except occasional fear that I wouldn’t be able to come back to myself and feel things. Do you remember struggling with this? Is it more universal type of experience of childhood trauma?

YOU IDIOTS YOU COWARDS YOU DEMONS WE DONT WANT JANE FOSTER BACK WE WANT LOKI BACK

Send in your confessions here, please specify they are confessions.

this lil baby got a better walk than kendull jenner, jello hadid, boring hadid and karmichael kloss and that’s the tea on that

I don't think people understand how hard it is to keep up with loki

Loki: I'm alive

Loki: nvm I'm dead

Loki: jk. Still here.

Loki: I'm good guy now though.

Loki: lmao jk. Why would I be good?

Loki: oh ur so cute. I'm cuter.

Loki: I'm dead again.

Loki: wait nope never mind still here, But I kinda got arrested.

Loki: oh my brother Thor I love you!

Loki: lol. You fell for that again I'm so smart.

Loki:my plan is going to go perfect nothing can go wrong.

Loki: shit. It went wrong.

Loki: okay now I want to take over your world

Loki: no never mind. Now I want to take over my world.

Loki: dang it I didn't think this all the way through.

Loki: or did I.

Loki: okay I'm kinda dead.

Loki:nope lol I was just pretending to be my dad this whole time.

Loki: now I'm dead.