Imagine Being A Pirate And Getting Attacked By A Group Of Colonists Backed By A Cruel DevMode Empowered

Imagine being a pirate and getting attacked by a group of colonists backed by a cruel DevMode empowered god.

You wake up in the middle of the night to three randos walking onto your lawn equipped with nothing but Temu t-shirts and plasteel knives. You have about ten seconds to get out of bed before all of your turrets just disintegrate. Three of your neighbors ragdoll. Someone’s house just blew up out of nowhere. You watch as the girl you’ve been talking to falls to her knees and ages 300 years in 3.5 seconds then somehow gets high on flake and psychite while miraculously developing severe asthma. You start to run and trip over something, you assume it’s a rock but when you look over it’s your grandpa. He’s been turned into a limbless potato. They weren’t cut off, they’re just gone. He has enough time to shout “Look!!” before you turn around and see your little colony is being Zerg rushed by 25 grizzly bears on go-juice. You start to run again and almost escape before you blink and realize you’re in a 1x1 room surrounded by steel walls and vents. All you can hear are the hums of heaters right beyond the grates and the muffled screams of your dying community. Once that all dies down- and the room you’re in has peaked at a temperature of 280- the last thing you hear is one of the strangers complaining because they didn’t eat with a table.