Hadrianthomas - Hadrian's Insides

The Young and the Damned (1950) - dir. Luis Buñuel

You are truly beautiful. Yes, you are.

And you are not even real. It's a sweetness in the air, an old yet new fleeting image from a forgotten memory, a breathtaking instant and fast beat skipped, a painful sensation longing to rest in my body forever. This cruel desire is killing me slowly, because I will never know if it loves me back. Even if it did, I'd be lost in myself too much to care or notice.

This eternal melody created by my imagination is winning the game, but I won't lose either.

I would never have dreamed this. Yet I discover mysefl dreaming it constantly, when the sudden urge appears. While my world is shattering, as I try to ignore it. What are you, spirit? Why do you keep appearing near me? Too close. Too real.

I am afraid.

Is it real, my desires, or is it mere envy? Is it possibly both?

Don't answer me, not today, not tomorrow.

Because I want to keep dreaming you just a little more.

‘fly-by’

i always find myself getting lost in my own thoughts. i’ve thought of countless situations with many outcomes, but i am only wasting my time. i’m homesick for a world that will never exist. (c)

i am losing myself

You know what absolutely boggles my mind? That healthy people exist. Genuinely healthy people. No mental illness, no physical illness, no chronic illness. Just healthy. What a life that must be. 

most of the time when I say I can’t remember something, it’s not always that I’m trying to avoid talking about it- I just literally cannot remember. I have no idea how to remember or what to do. sometimes I try to fill the gaps with vague memories- or even small white lies just to get by- and maybe put faith in a life I will probably never remember.

“More and more, it feels like I’m doing a really bad impersonation of myself.”

— Chuck Palahniuk (via quotemadness)