Latest Posts by hairbruh - Page 4

It's a VIBE! 🖤🖤🏳️‍🌈

Those loose locs in back. 😍

NOW THAT’S HOW YOU MAKE EXERCISE FUN…

by XTREMEBOYZ

Made of Clay

Excavation

I was on alert from the start of the episode and wasn't quite sure why. As the show continued and one of the characters said something very triggering, I had to pause the show and walk away to compose myself. Her own parent was attempting to place the culpability of her sexual abuse on her eight year old daughter as opposed to the grown-ass man who perpetrated the abuse. I was furious and upset feeling betrayed, because I too felt blamed for things that adults should have been figuring out and protecting me from.

There were some differences and similarities between her and I, she didn't remember her abuse, I clearly recalled mine. She was the oldest of a trio of children. #same Her family was clearly wealthy, whereas mine wasn't even remotely affluent. We were both a single digit age when the abuse started. Our abusers were both non-family members.

She struggled to keep jobs constantly quitting, whereas I had a tendency to prefer freelance or contract assignments that were limited in length, not ever really committing to any one business or company. We both kept folks in our lives at a polite distance never really getting too close to anyone or anything.

We both didn't have proper context for our abuse, I didn't realize I was abused until I was her same age having at first thought the abuse was some right of passage. Hers happened as she slept with her only recalling a clear instant where her abuser lied to her about something he was doing.

She had very short-lived romantic relationships, the last time I dated was two thousand seven. She struggled with substance abuse, I resolved myself to have unprotected sex with multiple partners, we were both self-harming in our own ways and not completely understanding the reasons why.

This episode made me aware that albeit I thought I was doing better mentally, that I too like this character was still effected by my childhood sexual abuse. Like her, my abuse happened when I was in bed, and one thing I did notice was my sexual behaviors as an adult were mirroring and recreating the abuse over and over.

As a child my abuser came to my bed and fellated me and then had me fellate him, when he finished he would go back to bed. As an adult I would have men come to my house and fellate me, then I would have penetrative sex with them until I finished, then I would want them to leave. I had done this close to a thousand times and never saw there was a clear pattern and that it was connected to something from my past.

After finally noticing this pattern I decided to abstain from further sexual relationships around two-thousand twelve, with the intention of resetting my relationship to intimacy and sex.

I have noted some of the incongruence of some of my friendships especially when I was younger and how unhealthily co-dependent they were in a lot of ways blurring the lines between plutonic and romantic relationships. It took me decades to break that pattern also not realizing this too was connected to my abuse and the hyper-sexual behavior I had as a teen and young adult.

In the end the young woman got justice and her abuser was punished for his actions. Whereas the last interaction I had with my abuser was an invitation to his wedding that I turned down at the time for financial reason, but in hindsight I think I knew we had unresolved business that needed to be discussed and if that wasn't happening I wasn't going to pretend to support and encourage a relationship with a woman whom I had never met and wasn't sure if she knew of her future husband's past.

I never got justice. I never got to hold my abuser accountable for his actions. This abuse was a private shame that not even many folks know about, and its what made this episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit very healing for me. Through this characters vindication I got a little bit of resolution myself.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Back in the day I would have already ripped Monkey55Boy four assholes, but I don't argue on the internets anymore, you never actually accomplish anything, and more important minds aren't ever really changed in web-based arguments.

Attention broad statement follows, queer whyte mens take little to no thought about the things they say on others post. #FullStop They have been indoctrinated like the rest of us to believe whiteness is the norm, and all the rest of us are aberrations, albeit science and history make it very clear the first humans on the Earth were very melanated and located in the part of the world that is now known as Africa.

Whyte men will other you in less than a nanosecond of seeing you. I wanted to give this dude the benefit of the doubt, so I took a look through his profile, where there was no clear evidence of how he actually looked or his ethnic origins. But there was something telling in his favourites, they spoke to his clear affection for white skin, notwithstanding I did find a couple of brown men and one Black man amongst the favs, but predominantly his favs were other whyte mens.

There is one other consideration I can give Monkey55Boy this particular platform has moderated most people of colour right off of it. With out overt knowledge the creators and moderators of the platform have placed a higher value on European aesthetics and on heteromantic norms, anything that deviates from that baseline is more or less written off as pornographic no matter how high the artistic value. I had left for about ten years or so for this same issue because it made it very hard to present any kind of intimate work that was scrutinized through a different lens then like-work that center whyte-female beauty and aesthetics.

But I was black on the platform, and generally speaking my position on comments is non-response and disregard. I don't generally block anyone or engage at all, allowing them to baste in their own ignorance. Why should it be my roll to enlighten folks who have drank the white supremacy Kool-Aid and never questioned the hierarchy and value system of our very Puritanical Christian society? America has a clear caste system whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, and those of us who do not fit into the "in-group" are automatically delegated to the "other" category, which is essence means they are less than.

This is why we can’t have nice things. The experiment called the internet has failed because the people who created it infused all their very human values and biases into its development. Even after so much time has passed, they have never considered the existence of other perspectives and stories that are told from a different understanding of the world. As long as these issues are at the core of the internet, things will not change, women will not be safe, Black and people of color will be exoticized and othered, and any people who are neuroatypical to differently-abled, or perform gender in a non-traditional way, will not be giving their full personhood just treated like ornaments in a bowl of vanilla ice cream.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

"YOU CAN'T SEPARATE PEACE FROM FREEDOM

BECAUSE NO ONE CAN BE AT PEACE UNLESS HE

HAS HIS FREEDOM."

MALCOLM X

You don't have to feel ashamed about your hair. You don't have to feel ashamed about who you are.

LOVELY 😍

Paris, October 2024