Leviathan: I wish puberty took you to a customize character screen
Satan: Do you realize how many people would be dragons
Solomon: You say this like it’s a bad thing
•
Mammon: Uptown funk would’ve made it onto the shrek soundtrack
Solomon: That’s the truest statement I’ve ever read
•
Asmodeus: Once in the fifth grade this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless and I was so confused I said ‘Raphael you’ve been to my house’
•
Mammon: My brother just accidentally prematurely sent an email to his boss…. It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting’ but he hit send when all it said was
Hi, Diavolo
I am afraid
•
Mammon: Fun Disney fact! Fiona was the first red-headed Disney Princess when she made her debut in 1988, one year before Ariel did in The Little Mermaid (1989)
Mephistopheles: Shrek came out in 2001
Mammon: Good for him
•
Satan: One time in math class my math teacher was really pissed at us and he was yelling “DO YOU EVEN KNOW BASIC MATH? DO YOU KNOW ADDITION? WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO? MAMMON WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO?” and poor Mammon wasn’t paying attention so I leaned over to him and whispered “seven” and he blurted out “SEVEN” and I have never laughed harder and I doubt I ever will.
•
Asmodeus: Today at work I let someone into a dressing room and they said “thank you” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and I ended up saying “your problem.”
Mammon: One time I was playing soccer in gym. Ball is up in the air. Think I’m gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal. Try. Miss ball. Kick goalie in the face. Try to ask “are you okay” and
“I’m fucking sorry” at the same time. Instead end up yelling “ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?” Goalie is cooking back tears.
Leviathan: This post had me in tears.
•
Raphael: That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?
Asmodeus: 25796323689432 feet you say?
•
Simeon: If you had six minutes left to live what’s the last song you’d listen to
Leviathan: I’d spend the entire six minutes trying to pick a song
•
Mammon: You call it “really bad at darts”, I call it freestyle acupuncture
Barbatos: Sir I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar
•
Mammon: Can you OD on vitamin D?
Mephistopheles: That’s how Icarus died
•
Leviathan: I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)
Mephistopheles: No it’s an infinite amount of holes stacked on top of eachother
Leviathan: This is exactly what I’m talking about
•
Luke: I have small hands
Leviathan: Bring them closer to you they’re just far away
Luke: Wow you were right…
•
Diavolo: You ever dip your entire Oreo in milk except the part where you’re holding it and feel like thetis dipping newborn Achilles into the River of Styx making him invulnerable everywhere except for his heel
•
Solomon:
Two things I need today’s youth to know:
1. Anything the government says is propaganda
2. 99% of vegetables taste better roasted
Barbatos: you spelled boiled wrong
Solomon:
My apologies:
Anything the government says is boiled
•
Diavolo: The weirdest instance of “getting my wires crossed” I’ve ever experienced: I had a piece of candy at my desk. My intention was to simultaneously eat the candy and start a brief work task. I put the candy in my mouth and felt a surge of alarm as I was convinced, for a fraction of a second, that I had somehow eaten the task I was about to start.
•
Asmodeus: Hope everyone is well today!
Asmodeus: And tomorrow !!!!
Asmodeus: After that you’re on your own
•
Luke: Omg my guardian just came into my room and told me that I’m spending too much time on the internet so he told me “I’m sorry I have to do this but it’s for your own good.” and then he proceeded to delete the internet explorer icon from my desk top
And the way he said “I just deleted the internet” just takes the cake
Kabedon Compilation ; 7 Brothers
Diavolo + others
a series of commission for @KimetsuYou on twitter over the past few months, thanks so much! so satisfying to see it all finally lined up yay~
I think it would be interesting if part of the reason Barbatos avoids being too open and friendly is that there are times when he’s genuinely unsure of what timeline it is/how far along in the timeline they are.
Barbatos must perceive time differently from the other characters. While everyone else is along for the ride in a linear fashion, Barbatos can jump around and see into different timelines - and even though we know he can’t just change things of a whim, that amount of information has to be a lot to handle.
Barbatos who never asks specifically after Belphegor, because he can’t be 100% sure he’s out of the attic or not.
Barbatos who only asks follow-up questions to things others have said so he doesn’t spoil the future at all.
Barbatos who always checks for a ring on your finger, or a gift from someone you always wore, trying to see who you’ve chosen in this timeline.
Barbatos who always seems to be five steps ahead, but always feels like he’s on a different path entirely.
if you often like or reblog my posts i 100% remember your username and mentally go “oh yes friend” every single time i see you in my notes or on my dash
The Enemy from the other side of the room.
ʚɞ Gojo Satoru Fic Recommendations ʚɞ
Forever Yours
J’adore
Scars don’t fade
August
Sincerely Not
Sincerely Yours
Everyone’s Doll
Missed Connection
Confessions
Confidential
Violet Lights
Starboy
The Twist of a Knife
A Dangerous Game
Fate’s Gamble
All I Need
Baby Steps
Finite
Sensual Epiphany
Two Lines
Changes
Infidelity
The Fuck List
In Other Words, I Love You (Dead Dove: Do Not Eat)
Permanent Mark
Sundered
Kick Off
The Unfaithful
I Still Want You
Untameable Waves (please come back)
the sanctity of a name.
word count: 2.2k
genre/warnings: gender neutral reader (they/them pronouns), gojo satoru-centric, injuries, angst but a nice hopeful ending
Gojo Satoru can count on one hand the number of people who have called him by his given name. He actually doesn’t need all five fingers to count them, considering there are only four people who have referred to the sorcerer as Satoru at one point or another in time.
Keep reading
Everyone wants Ghost to fuck the life outta them until he's been hitting you just right for the last 20 minutes and won't let up. Until he's fucking you like he's in the last stretch of pumps before he comes and you can barely breath with how hard he's fucking you. Until you're sobbing into the sheets because he keeps telling you, "Just one more love" but it's never just one more. Until he fucks you through his own orgasm and doesn't stop for breath. Until he's pinned you under his weight and wrapped a hand around your neck, pulling you up from where you're drooling against the mattress so he can hear all the pretty noises you make.
It's all fun and games until you actually see God and they look an awful lot like Simon Riley.
✸ ft. suna, matsukawa, sakusa, akaashi, & atsumu
✸ info + warnings: fluff
✸ SUNA loves taking naps with you. it used to be easy for him to fall asleep anywhere and at any time, but ever since the two of you got together, he finds it much more desirable to have you wrapped in his arms while he drifts off into a restful slumber. he’s gotten so used to having your presence beside him in his bed or on top of him on the couch that he has trouble falling asleep when you aren’t with him. the steady rise and fall of your breathing joined with the warmth of your body against his is enough to have suna’s eyes fluttering and lips parting, soft snores filling the otherwise silent room. you always wake before him and are left with the duty of being his human alarm clock. your efforts to rouse him are almost always are fruitless, as he only tightens his hold on you and begs for five more minutes through groans thick with sleep and lazy kisses pressed to the pulse on your neck.
✸ MATSUKAWA shows that he’s always thinking of you by constantly texting you. his messages range from thoughtful “good morning”s to dumb memes accompanied by “lol you” to text pranks he’s seen online that he can’t resist trying on you. he can’t help but smile when he sees the three little dots bouncing—a sign that you’re typing out a response. no matter your reply, his chest always rumbles with laughter upon reading the words displayed on his screen. he’s thoroughly content when his silly photos are met with some of your own and beyond entertained when he finally catches you with a prank you haven’t already seen. even when you berate him for losing focus at work and spending time on his phone when he’s not supposed to, all he can do is smirk and brush it off. he knows that he has other priorities, but whenever he sees something that reminds him of you, he’s quick to let you know that you’re on his mind.
✸ SAKUSA stays up late to spend time with you. after long days of grueling practice, eventful matches, and traveling, the only thing that used to be on sakusa’s mind was taking a hot shower and collapsing on the bed to get some much-needed rest. the shower still stands, but ever since he’s started coming home to you greeting him from the bed, he’s more willing to sacrifice a couple hours of sleep to talk about your day or tell you about his. a small smile finds its way to his lips at the way you rant about a rude encounter over the blow-dryer with a raised voice. he’s tempted to let his eyes drift shut as you card your fingers through his curls, making sure none of the hair is still wet. but he perseveres, responding to your ramblings with soft hums as he lays beside you. it doesn’t matter how long his day was or how tired he is when walking through the door—kiyoomi tries his hardest to dedicate as much time to you as he can before sleep takes over him.
✸ AKAASHI lends you his favorite books. the margins are littered with jottings of his written thoughts and highlighted text of the lines that stuck out most to him. he always apologizes for how messy they are, but the discussions you two have makes his nearly illegible handwriting the least of his worries. even if you don’t have the same taste as him or prefer a genre he wouldn’t normally read, he finds himself wandering to that section of the bookstore he frequents to skim over the summaries of those stories to see if they sound like something you might be interested in. at least two always make their way into the pile he carries to the register. he reads them first, taking note of his favorite parts and passages that he knows you’ll enjoy before handing the book off to you. he loves seeing how excited you get upon finishing them and swears he could listen to each and every one of your words without ever getting bored.
✸ ATSUMU calls you cute nicknames in favor of your actual name. he rarely ever uses your full name anymore, always opting for a shortened version of it or a different pet name entirely. it doesn’t stem from his playful annoyance, but, rather, atsumu’s desire to share something between just the two of you. as soon as people start picking up on the name and calling you such, he’s on a mission to come up with one that’s uniquely his. maybe it’s childish to want to keep something as trivial as a nickname to himself, but at some point, the name becomes reserved for when the two of you are alone or around strangers who aren’t likely to be listening in on your conversations. of course he feels special addressing you as an exclusive name that’s only ever muttered by him, but the fact that you’re able to tell it’s him whenever you hear the string of letters you’ve grown to answer to is what atsumu loves most about it—and he hopes you feel the same.
thanks for reading! comments and reblogs are appreciated <3