How Seventeen Hug Their S/o

Mary Oliver, "The Fourth Sign of the Zodiac." Blue Horses

"This story is a tragedy because it didn't have to end this way."

vs

"This story is a tragedy because it was always going to end this way."

Something He Likes (M) pt. 1

The first part of the eighth and final part to the Pathetic series

Summary: Jeonghan and y/n are finally together. But what does being together mean for them?

This part is 31k which was too much for tumblr???? Because it was over 1000 blocks??? So it's split into two parts being released at the same time IM SORRY. Alexa play Hate Rodrigo by Yena

Warnings: Dubcon as always, let’s do this one more time: dom!jeonghan, sub!y/n, masochist!jeonghan, sadist!yn, lots of public play and I mean a lot okay, Jeonghan is a tease, degradation, dacryphilia, creampies, slight teeny tiny breeding kink if you squint at one part, pet play??? Like it’s not but he calls her a bitch and makes her bark idk what you want me to call that, cunnilingus, fingering, rough sex, mean!jeonghan, references to y/n being a toy and other demeaning things in a sexual manner (but like at this point we all know this right), praise!kink if you squint, the l-bombs in this one are crazy, jealousy from both sides, possessiveness from both sides, unprotected sex as always, bimbification? (yn is fucked dumb)

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This is part one of the eighth part of the pathetic series:

It felt weird to be standing at the door of Alpha Mu in daylight… Okay, you had been here in daylight before but it still felt wrong. You weren’t sure if it was because you didn’t really belong in a frat house, or if it was because now you were dating Jeonghan and that was weird to say.

You stared at the door, knowing from experience that what you needed to do was just to open the door. But… It was your first time coming here as a girlfriend… It just felt wrong to do so.

“Two times in a row.”

You were startled out of your thoughts by the unfortunately distinct sound of Seungcheol’s voice. You turned around, an embarrassed expression spread over your face, but Seungcheol just gave you half a smile.

“I just…” Your words died on your lips. Seungcheol’s smile grew a little bit, and he brushed past you, pushing the front door open. You watched him step in, your mouth momentarily going dry as he just left it open for you. He walked a few steps into the hallway, kicking his shoes off.

“Jeonghan, you left her outside again,” he called. You resisted the urge to hit Seungcheol and instead rushed into the frat house, kicking your shoes off and closing the door behind you. When you peaked around the door Jeonghan was on the floor surrounded by legos (as per usual).

You two caught each other’s eyes immediately and his lips fell into a smile that was mostly in his eyes. Your heart jumped in your chest at the expression, and you felt yourself stopping right next to Seungcheol who had stopped just inside the living room.

He looked at you and sighed shaking his own head.

“Look at her,” he commented gesturing to you. “This is the face of a psychology major who is going to leave you if you aren’t careful.”

Jeonghan’s smile didn’t waver, but his eyes flickered briefly down to his hands. He set down a chunk of lego bricks, watching you for your reaction to Seungcheol’s words. You glanced back over at Seungcheol, giving him a pressed smile.

“It’s like Jeonghan says,” you mumbled. “I don’t mind waiting for him.” You thought over your words for a second. “But it wasn’t his fault that I was standing out there.”

You looked back over at Jeonghan in time to see his eyes flicker over to Seungcheol. The two boys made eye contact, and Jeonghan’s lips flickered up just a tad more.

“She doesn’t mind,” he said, his voice coming out like a brag. His eyes flickered back, and he gestured towards you. “Come here.”

Somehow that was more embarrassing than you saying that you didn’t mind waiting for Jeonghan. You gave a glance to everyone in the room and upon noticing that no one was really paying attention you walked over to Jeonghan, stooping over in front of him. He smiled at you, and raised his hands to your face, pulling you down by your cheeks.

He pulled you close but he didn’t say anything to you. Instead, his eyes narrowed at you slightly, his gaze intensifying. You let him stare at you like that for a few seconds, that ran into a minute, that had your face burning in his hands.

“Jeonghan,” you mumbled softly. He mostly ignored you, his eyes searching your face in a manner that you were starting to become accustomed to. One that was embarrassing enough when you two were alone. More so when you were in a living room full of people. You bit back a frustrated whine. “Jeonghan,” you pressed again. “’s embarrassing.”

Jeonghan’s lips pressed up into a barely there smile and he sighed, a bit overdramatically, letting his hands fall back to his sides.

“Can’t I appreciate my girlfriend in peace?”

Girlfriend. That word certainly was tickling you in a way that you had never imagined it would. You tried to press down the feeling.

“Yeah, in peace,” you replied, your eyes glancing at Seokmin on the couch as you spoke. Jeonghan followed your gaze, his cheeks very briefly puffing up when he realized where your hesitation came from. He sighed, turning his head back to you.

“Fine,” he relented. “In peace.” He smiled and gestured to the legos scattered on the floor. He didn’t have to vocally extend the invitation to sit next to him. You set your bag down and sat cross-legged next to Jeonghan.

He was now fully focused on his legos again, and you watched him for a little as her perused the colorful pieces of plastic. You were only there for a few minutes before your attention was torn away from him.

“Oh y/n.”

You looked up from Jeonghan to see that Jun was standing at the stairs, your lips flickered up into a smile.

“Jun,” you greeted. Jun walked down the last few steps and walked over to you and Jeonghan, plopping himself down in front of you. Jeonghan looked up at him with a small glance, a smile flickering on his face in greeting. Jun mirrored the look before settling his gaze back on you.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said seriously. “I have a problem.”

You frowned slightly.

“Okay…?”

It wasn’t common that Jun came to you with things. In fact, you and Jun had never really had a relationship like that before. To lump you and Jun into a box without putting Jeongyeon in it too felt wrong. In fact, you thought that your even minor relationship with Jun could be chalked up to pure over exposure to one another.

You saw him with Jeongyeon. You saw him with Jeonghan. But never more than that.

And sure, he was there to give you advice but again if it weren’t for Jeongyeon in the room than you wouldn’t be telling him your issues at all.

So, to hear Jun come to you with a problem. Even though Jeonghan was right there. It was odd.

Jun’s eyes darted to the side, seeming to access his surroundings. You glanced around as well but everyone seemed to be focused on other things.

“It’s just…” He hesitated again, looking down at his hands. When he looked back up, you gestured for him to continue. “I keep getting asked out.”

Your eyebrow rose.

“Asked out?” You asked. He nodded.

“Asked out… By a girl…” He continued. Your eyes flickered behind Jun towards the kitchen where a curious Seungcheol was now peeking out from around the corner. Your attention strayed back to Jun.

“Okay,” you replied. You couldn’t quite read exactly what Jun wanted advice with and yet that seemed to be enough context for Jun. He went silent, reaching forward to grab some of the legos scattered on the floor. He started to separate them into little piles. You would think that you had satisfied him if not for the fact that so far all you had said that wasn’t repetition was okay. You cleared your throat.

“What girl?” You pressed, hoping maybe he would pick up that you didn’t have enough context.

He barely looked at you.

“Yeonwoo,” he replied, almost as if it was obvious. He glanced around and lowered his voice. “She’s one of the prettiest girls in my major.”

Another thought occurred to you, and you leaned back on your hands in disappointment.

“What the fuck even is your major Jun?” You asked.

“I’m in aerospace engineering,” he replied pointedly.

You blinked.

“Aerospac-”

“And Yeonwoo is the top of our class,” Jun interrupted you as if the revelation of his major was nothing. “We are in a class together right now and she started…” Again, he lowered his voice, forcing you to lean forward a little. “She started sitting next to me.”

You had never been this close to Jun before and yet for some reason you still couldn’t hear him. You scooted closer to him, your shoulders brushing, fingers touching.

“And she asked me one day what my favorite kind of coffee was and when I didn’t tell her she told me that she would just… Figure it out herself. And so, she just started bringing me coffee every day.”

Your lips flickered up into a small smile.

“What? That’s so nice.”

Jun still looked troubled.

“She keeps asking to study with me after class,” he continued, as if the addition of that detail should make it more obvious as to why this was so troublesome. “Or inviting me to parties that her friends are throwing.”

Now it was your turn to feel confused. You brushed your hair back distractedly.

“Do you not like her?”

“No, I do like her,” Jun disagreed. “She’s really pretty… And nice…”

“Jun’s never dated anyone before,” Jeonghan commented. Both of you looked up from where your foreheads were practically touching. He gestured towards Jun. “So, he’s nervous about messing it up.”

Jun’s face started to redden a little.

“That’s not-”

“He’s really popular with girls he just never realizes when they are flirting with him,” Seungcheol agreed from the kitchen. Jun whipped his head around to look at Seungcheol.

“Shouldn’t you be cooking?” He blurted, and then turned back around and pointed at Jeonghan’s legos. “And you are getting nowhere with this lego set.”

“Yeah, because you stole my building partner,” Jeonghan mumbled.

“Dating people isn’t something to be so worried about,” Minghao added from where he was sitting across the room. “And if you want advice on something like that isn’t y/n the worst person you could ask?”

Your eyebrows raised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, turning to look at Minghao, a slight tinge of hurt leaking into your voice.

Minghao raised an eyebrow at you.

“Do I really have to elaborate?” He asked. He didn’t. You bit down on your bottom lip, and as you did so you felt Jeonghan’s hand creeping up on your back. His thumb drew some small circles on your back.

“It’s okay,” he assured. “Minghao doesn’t know anything about dating anyone either.”

He turned around and shot a look at Minghao who rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his book.

“That’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you about it,” he said to you. “Because… You were scared but you got over it. How did you do that?”

That phrase echoed in your mind in a way that you were a bit embarrassed to admit. You got over it.

Had you gotten over it? You hadn’t been dating Jeonghan for long at all and even as long as you had been dating him it wasn’t like you were dating him…. You two weren’t doing anything different than you had been before.

This was your first time over at the frat house since you two had gotten together and what had you done? Stood in front of the door as if you had never been over there before in your life. Like an idiot. Like somebody who very much had not gotten over it.

Your silence was probably loud to Jeonghan, but it fell on deaf ears with Jun. His eyebrows furrowed at your silence, just waiting for you to go on. Jeonghan nudged you in the side with his shoulder and once again you were reminded of exactly how close you were to Jun. You gave him a small half-there smile and pulled back from Jun.

“You just have to give it a shot,” you replied. “No matter how scared you may feel that’s just… Normal. Pre-relationship jitters. It’s simple, isn’t it? She likes you… You like her. Just go for it.”

You thought your advice was pretty shotty, and you knew that it was almost word for word the advice that people had given you about Jeonghan, but despite all of that Jun nodded, satisfied by your response. Obviously, you had said the right thing.

Silence fell over everyone in the room again and you took the opportunity to scoot back closer to Jeonghan. Once you were close enough to him, Jeonghan let his head fall limp on your shoulder, his eyes still on the legos in his hands. He looked confused as he stared at the lego blocks for reasons you were unsure of.

He seemed… You weren’t really sure what it was but not like himself really. He was being much quieter than usual… Maybe it was just because he was around the others. You nudged him in the side lightly, making his head move a bit on your shoulder, just so that his chin was tilted a bit further up towards you.

“Do you need me to read the instructions out for you?” You asked. Jeonghan silently shook his head against you and his head returned itself to its former position. You were unsure of exactly what he wanted out of you. You hoped that wasn’t what this was always going to be like. You being completely unsure of his intentions or wishes.

It was awkward… Because the others were here but you decided that if Jeonghan wasn’t putting up a fuss about it, and the other boys didn’t care about the very public display of affection you weren’t going to say anything about it either.

Jeonghan started to silently put all of the pieces of the lego set together, shifting every once and a while to get closer to you, or to flip the page of his instruction manual. You weren’t sure exactly how much time passed before Seungcheol came back into the living room from his cooking in the kitchen, but you felt like it had been a while.

Jeonghan had managed to build a few of the walls of his creation, and you had honestly gotten lost in the feeling of having him right there next to you. He was so quiet and calm… His breathing so even. You simply weren’t used to this side of Jeonghan. You weren’t used to him just… Existing beside you.

Seungcheol caught your attention, an eyebrow quirking towards you in your position. It was funny how he was always able to read that about you. Read exactly how you felt about a certain situation. You sent Seungcheol a small smile, but there was panic in it.

How were you actually supposed to act around Jeonghan? You still hadn’t really figured that out.

He liked you for you.

Okay.

The you that he had seen.

You tried to think back over the things that he had seen you do.

He had seen you at parties, and in class, but what had he gathered from those moments? He rarely saw you outside of that. What about you had really caught his eye?

His speech to you in the shower echoed through your mind but even still it was hard to garner… Exactly what he saw in you.

“I don’t think I’m getting much of this done,” Jeonghan said with a sigh. You turned your gaze down towards him a bit more, inclined to just nod slightly. You didn’t think he was getting much done either.

“I can help you more if you want-”

He waved it off and pulled himself off of you.

“That’s okay. I can just finish it another time. He got up to his feet and for a moment you just sat there and watched him before you realized oh, he was leaving the room. You got up to your feet too, giving Seungcheol and Jun a nod of farewell as you followed Jeonghan up the stairs. He walked into his room, and sat down on the edge of his bed, leaving you to close the door behind the two of you.

A smile crossed Jeonghan’s lips.

“Are you not a huge fan of pda?” He asked you lightly. The question caught you off guard.

“What?”

“Well, I just noticed that when it’s just the two of us, I can do whatever I want… Kiss you, play around with you, you don’t really mind,” he commented. “At parties you don’t mind when my hands are all over you but when we’re in front of the boys…”

He trailed off, leaving you to just stand there in front of him with a red face. You decided after a few moments of embarrassing silence to walk over to him. Once again, he reached up to you and pulled you down towards him by your cheeks, pulling you into a deep kiss.

You melted under his touch, placing your hands on his shoulders for better purchase as he practically kissed the breath out of you. As he kissed you, his hands trailed down your cheeks to your neck, the thumbs of his fingers brushing at the roots of your hair as he palms pushed you closer to him, rendering you unable to pull away if you wanted to.

You didn’t mind that, you didn’t want to pull away.

After a few minutes Jeonghan finally pulled away from you to let you breathe, and you both panted as you looked at one another, eyes wide, bodies warm.

“What was that for?” You asked lightly. He just smiled.

“Just testing my theory,” he said lightly. He pulled back a bit, one of his hands raising to pinch your cheek. “You really do get embarrassed over the pda.”

You swatted his hand away from you and plopped yourself down next to him, dropping your face into his shoulder.

“No, I don’t,” you mumbled. He hummed.

“Right,” he agreed lightly. “You definitely don’t. Not even a little. Just like being emotionally vulnerable doesn’t embarrass you.”

You groaned, letting your eyes close in frustration. As you sat there with your head on his shoulder he reached around you, his fingers finding their way to your waist, his fingers dipping under your shirt.

“But you know what really doesn’t embarrass you?” He asked you softly. You glanced up at him, placing your chin on his shoulder, already able to recognize the dark look in his eyes. You swallowed hard and nodded once.

“Y-yes,” you mumbled. He hummed at your words, his fingers pinching your side.

“If you know so well you should show me,” he replied softly. “Show me exactly what you can do that proves that I don’t embarrass you. That you aren’t embarrassed of me.”

“You don’t embarrass me,” you insisted, pushing yourself off of Jeonghan.

“I don’t?” He asked. “Is that why you get so embarrassed when I’m touching you in front of the boys? Because you aren’t embarrassed of me?”

“I’m not-”

“Get undressed,” Jeonghan said, his voice lowering a bit. You swallowed but quickly got to your feet, beginning to pull your clothes off. You knew that recently you had been a brat when you were with Jeonghan, and today? You thought that you would really regret it if you kept up that behavior.

As soon as your last article of clothing fell to the floor Jeonghan was staring at you, leaning back on the palm of his hands.

His gaze may be dark, but there was admiration in his eyes regardless. A small smile graced his lips.

“You’re so perfect,” he mumbled softly. “Your body made just for me huh?”

Your face flushed red, and it made Jeonghan chide.

“There you go again you liar,” he chided. “Clearly being embarrassed because of me. And still you lie.”

“It’s just-” Obviously you were a little embarrassed. Standing there in front of him naked. He was just staring at you with seemingly no urge to do anything. God you really, really hoped that you two weren’t doing this again today. “Jeonghan please I can’t deal with the teasing today.”

He quirked his head a little so that you would come closer to him. You closed the distance between the two of you and he raised his arms, quirking an eyebrow at you. You knew what he was asking without having to hear him say it. You pushed his shirt up over his head and set it aside on the bed, before dropping down to your knees in front of him. You slid his clothes off until, like you, he was completely naked. You swallowed hard when you saw his already hard cock in front of you.

Had you forgotten how big it was? It was like every time you saw it was a brand-new reminder.

That’s not going to fit but it has fit before.

Jeonghan leaned forward, his hand coming to your chin and his thumb pressing to your bottom lip, you obediently opened your mouth, sucking the tip of his finger into your mouth. You were slapped, hard, a gasp ripping from your mouth at the touch, only to be met with a soothing hand on the cheek that he had just hit immediately after.

“Poor little thing, did that surprise you?” He asked you, a fake expression of concern on his face. You pressed your lips firmly together, not really sure what you should say in response to him. That earned you another slap, except on the opposite cheek. “I asked you a question.”

“It only surprised me a little bit,” you blurted out, your hands reaching for Jeonghan’s legs to keep yourself steady. He readjusted his weight a little, his hands threading into your hair.

“Only a little bit,” he said, his tone a little mocking. He pulled your head roughly up by the strands of your hair. You hissed in surprise. “What’s your safe word?”

A quick exclamation of your safe word and Jeonghan was letting go of your hair, but only a second later he had both hands on the side of your head, pushing you down onto his cock. He didn’t try to ease you down on it, and it was when your hands quickly grabbed at Jeonghan’s hips that you could feel the pent-up energy in his body. He wasn’t here to play coy today. He needed to just use you however he wanted to.

You urged yourself to breathe in through your nose as you choked around Jeonghan’s cock. He ignored your chokes in favor of holding your head still and thrusting his hips up into it. His moans were low, little praises leaving his mouth alongside them. His thrusts rough in a way that made spit dribble down your chin, but you didn’t even care. It didn’t bother you at all because all you could think about was how good it was going to feel when he came down your throat and then fucked you like a rag doll…

You tapped on Jeonghan’s thigh, and his grip loosened enough for you to pull off his cock. You gasped for air but that wasn’t why you had asked for a break.

“C-Can, I touch myself?” You stammered. Jeonghan’s light air of concern disappeared instantly, and instead it was replaced by one of pitied amusement.

“Oh, you poor little girl,” he said softly. “So turned on by me fucking your mouth that you need to touch your needy little pussy?”

You nodded, rubbing your thighs together in anticipation. The more time that passed… The more you thought about it, the more desperately you needed to touch yourself.

“Please Jeonghan,” you said lightly. He hummed, and his grip tightened around the sides of your head again, leading your lips back to his cock.

“Sure,” he agreed. “Go ahead.”

He went back to fucking your mouth just as roughly, but this time you let one of your hands snake down to your clit, the other wrapping around your breasts, pinching your tit. You whined as Jeonghan pummeled your mouth so hard you thought your jaw was going to hurt later, but no complaints would be heard from you even if you could vocalize them. It wasn’t long before you were fucking yourself on three fingers at the same speed as Jeonghan was fucking your face.

You could feel pleasure building in your stomach, but you knew that there was nothing you could do but avoid your clit and fight against the upcoming orgasm.

Luckily. You didn’t have to fight it for long. Without warning Jeonghan was coming down your throat. You tried your best to keep it all down, but he did that thing he liked to do to try and get you to misbehave. He pulled you off of his cock suddenly and you choked, but before you could lose it you coughed some of his cum out into the palm of your hands.

You tried to catch your breath, but Jeonghan grabbed your hand that had the spit up cum in it and pressed it against your face, smearing the cum all over your cheeks.

He sighed.

“Still can’t keep all of that cum down,” he said with a disappointed sigh. His thumbed prodded at your chin, and he seemed to admire the way your face looked after having fucked it. You could tell he wasn’t satisfied.

He slapped your cheek, causing you to stumble a little, your fingers digging into his legs. It was embarrassing how quickly that pain morphed into pleasure that went coiling through your body.

You hoped he didn’t hit you again solely because you genuinely thought you were going to come practically untouched if he did.

“Your face wasn’t red enough,” Jeognhan mumbled. He suddenly spit on your face, and before you could really react to it, he was dragging you up by your hair and shoving your face into the carpet of his floor. He slapped your ass until you were struggling to put it up in the air so that he could line himself up with your cunt and push into you.

His cock was already fully hard when he slid into you, and it cause a loud moan to erupt from the both of you. He repositioned himself so that he could press his foot to your cheek, pressing your face harder into the carpet.

“Shut up,” he mumbled and began to fuck you just as roughly as he had been before. Your whole body bounced with each thrust, and this angle would have been uncomfortable if it weren’t for the fact that Jeonghan was so literally using you.

You loved the dirty talk, you loved the teasing, you loved the torture he practically always put you through but the feeling of the carpet on your cheek, and the ball of his foot smushing your cheek made you feel like you genuinely meant nothing to him.

He didn’t care about your comfort, or your pleasure, he didn’t even want to hear your moans. He just wanted to fuck you, use you like a cum dump and move on.

You felt your body shaking and despite the way that your fingers were balled against the carpet to try and prevent yourself from doing this, you could feel yourself coming hard on Jeonghan’s cock. Jeonghan laughed in slight amusement as he felt your body shaking under him.

“God isn’t that embarrassing for you?” He chided. “Coming from sex like this? You’ll get off to just about anything.”

He didn’t say anything more before he was spilling his cum into your pussy. Again, no warning, and when your body twitched, an involuntary (and unwanted) jerk away from Jeonghan, he was pulling you back hard against him, forcing you to take every last drop.

It wasn’t until his cock had fully softened inside of you that he finally withdrew his foot, letting your body contort into a more natural shape. He let go of you and you crumbled to the floor in an exhausted heap, cum still on your face and dripping from your pussy.

For a second, you were reminded of your old partners in the way that Jeonghan seemed to have completely left you there.

But it was only a fleeting thought, a brief second before you felt Jeonghan’s body right next to you. He laid down on the floor next to you, holding a small washcloth that you wondered where he had gotten. He touched the cloth which felt cold against your very warm face.

You groaned as he began to clean the cum and spit off of your face, and you tried to swat him away because wasn’t this the worst part of it. You wondered what he saw when he looked at you after something like this. Did he see you as weak?

“Are you okay?” He mumbled softly. You let your eyes flutter shut, and you nodded silently.

“Was that, okay?” He asked. You had always wondered why he did this. Asked you all these questions after fucking you as if he hadn’t just given you the biggest orgasm and then you realized that maybe this came with what he had been talking about that one time…. Validation.

“I really liked it,” you said softly. You let your eyes flutter open so that he could see the honesty in them. “It felt so good to be used like that… Especially by someone that I trust.” Two more words hung silently in the air. Two words that you felt like you should add but… You didn’t.

“Good,” he murmured softly. “You did really good for me too. You held back an orgasm for so long, didn’t you?”

Your face flushed in embarrassment. Shame at having come without permission, but the shame didn’t last long. Jeonghan pressed a kiss to your lips.

“I love you,” he assured you softly. “Thanks for letting me use you like that. Now… Let’s get you cleaned up and ready to sleep, hm?”

Jeonghan leaned up and tried to get you to come up with him but, you stayed stubbornly in your heap of weak limbs on the floor.

“I’m tired,” you mumbled softly, ignoring the way that Jeonghan was nudging you, clearly trying to get you to get up a little but you still refused to move.

“Y/n, I don’t want to play this game,” Jeonghan said softly. You whined. “Seriously. You’ve got no excuse this time. After care.”

“This borders on abuse,” you mumbled even though it was quite literally the complete opposite of that. You peeked up at Jeonghan’s face and sighed, swinging your feet over the edge of the bed.

“And you’re so stupid when it comes to all of this,” Jeonghan replied. He took you by your forearm to help you to your feet and when you stumbled, he let out a small laugh, tapping your side.

“Hands up,” he said softly. You rolled your eyes but raised your arms so that he could slide a shirt over your head. He tugged it down tightly and sighed happily as he took you in.

“You in my clothes…” He sighed dreamily. “A sight I’ll never get tired of.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Then why’d you buy me all those clothes that one time? Waste of money if you ask me,” you murmured. He laughed again.

“I got legos out of that deal. That’s a win-win in my book,” he insisted. You rolled your eyes again at him.

“I can take a shower myself,” you commented pointedly.

“Okay,” Jeonghan agreed with a nod. “You want me to make you something to eat?”

Your mind flashed back to the last time Jeonghan had cooked for you.

“Define make.”

He rolled his eyes.

“A sandwich. I can’t mess up a sandwich now, can I?”

You supposed he was right about that. “Okay. I’ll come downstairs and join you after a shower.”

“Good.”

You went to step away from Jeonghan but before you could he grabbed your hand and pulled you back to him. He placed both of his hands on the side of your face and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I love you.”

You gave him a smile back, wondering if you could echo his words, but before you even got the chance he was walking out of the room.

Once you had showered, and Jeonghan had showered, and you two had eaten there was much discourse on whether or not you would stay the night.

“I have to get to class early tomorrow Jeonghan.”

“Okay? I’ll drive you. I want to have you close. At least if I can’t come over let me stay over with you.”

With that option being promptly knocked out of the air you found yourself laying right next to a reading Jeonghan, silence filling the air as the time ticked by. You were enjoying being there. Enjoying just spending time in his space.

But still it was giving yourself time to think.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, your eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“You know what I don’t even really know what kinks you’re into,” you said suddenly. Jeonghan glanced at you from where he was pulling a shirt on.

“Come on,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “You know that’s not true.”

“Not like…” You trailed off in frustration. “Obviously I know some of what you’re into but not like all of it.”

Jeonghan laughed.

“Okay, what else do you want to know?” He asked lightly.

“I want…” You trailed off and pulled out your phone until you got the website that you were looking for. You pressed it into his hands. He hummed in amusement at the site.

“Okay.”

It took him about thirty minutes, and in those thirty minutes you ended up playing on his phone. Something that didn’t bother him even a little bit.

“I don’t want to impede your privacy.”

“Impede all you want. I have no secrets from you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him slightly.

“So, you wouldn’t even mind if…”

He handed you his phone with his text messages open.

“Have a hay day.”

You hadn’t even really intended to go through his messages but none of the games on his phone really interested you. You were pretty deep in the Alpha Mu boys group chat when finally, Jeonghan was clearing his throat.

“Okay. Here are your results,” he said. He handed you your phone and you very quickly dropped his into his hands as well, desperate to see what the test had to say.

Dominant, obviously, masochist, brat tamer… Your eyebrow rose in surprise.

“You’re into bondage?” You asked. “Why don’t you ever tie me up?”

“For the same reason that you rarely see me be a brat tamer,” Jeonghan replied pointedly. “You’re a very good listener.”

As he spoke, he tapped the side of your face with a small smile.

“If I ask you to hold your hands up and for you not to touch, you will hold your hands up and you won’t touch.”

You nodded slowly, a small hum vibrating through your body.

“It’d be easier for me if you did tie me up every once in a while,” you mumbled softly. “Do you even know how hard it is to have the kind of self-control you want me to have?”

A satisfied smile crossed Jeonghan’s lips.

“But you have that self-control,” he said lightly. “And that’s part of why I love you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed just slightly in frustration but before you could say anything Jeonghan was shifting his weight, trapping you between his arms. A strand of his hair fell in his face, a small mischievous smile spread over his lips.

“But if being tied up is what you want…” He trailed off as one of his fingers stroked down your arm to your wrists. “I can make that happen.”

Your stupid face betrayed your emotions as always, turning a deep red.

“I-”

“But only if you wanted to, of course. I can plan it out and everything,” he said, pulling away from you. You took a deep breath that you hadn’t even realized you were holding. You nodded slowly and cleared your throat.

“Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun.”

“You know, if you want to do other things in the bedroom, I would be more than happy to fulfill those desires,” Jeonghan commented. “You don’t have to hide all your secret fantasies from me.”

Again, your face was burning. You laid down in his bed and pulled his covers up over you.

“I’m going to bed now,” you announced. Jeonghan laughed and his hand fell onto your head, giving you a solid few taps.

“Good night y/n. I love you.”

You pressed your lips together, your eyes staring into Jeonghan’s closet.

“Good night, Jeonghan.”

-

Your days with Jeonghan became like that. A pattern that you didn’t think you would ever grow tired of. Sometimes he came over, sometimes you went over to him.

It wasn’t like you two were inseparable. No, you spent time apart. You still studied with Yeongtae, and you mostly slept over at your place when you knew that Jeongyeon was going to be there. But the pattern of just… Spending time with Jeonghan was something you never realized that you would love so much.

Especially not when it came to attending parties.

“Today is the day, I can just feel it.”

You glanced at Yeongtae, your eyebrows raising skeptically as you tugged down your skirt a little bit.

“You’ve really gotta stop obsessing over-”

“Chaeryeong is here,” Yeongtae interrupted. He turned to you. “How do I look?”

You rolled your eyes and patted him on the cheek.

“You look fine,” you said. “If she doesn’t like you like this than… I don’t know Tae maybe you should just give up.”

Yeongtae gave you an annoyed expression and turned away from you without a word, disappearing into the crowd. You sighed and made your way through people until you finally spotted Jeonghan talking to a group of people that (of course) you didn’t recognize.

He didn’t really acknowledge you when you joined him at his side, but his conversation partners did, giving you a small nod of acknowledgement.

“I just don’t really know what I want to do with my linguistics degree,” one of the guys admitted with a shrug. “Sure, I got a minor in teaching English as a second language, but I didn’t need a linguistics degree to do that. It just feels like I would be wasting my degree.”

The talk of degrees intrigued you, in a way that you couldn’t even try to hide. You glanced at Jeonghan to gauge his possible reaction to the mention of this guys’ major wondering if they possibly shared one. You couldn’t tell by looking at his face. Did he suit a linguistics degree?

“That’s not necessarily true,” one of the girls in the conversation commented. “I mean, you would have a better concept of language structure than people without your major. Besides there’s other things you can do with it.”

“You could go into translation,” you piped up. Your class about the psychology of language having coincided a lot with the linguistic major you now had a few friends that were aspiring linguists. “That’s really good for those who are introverts.”

“Translation would be fun, I’m just not good enough at it to go into it,” the guy said with a sigh. “I know so many less languages than my linguistic peers. I feel like I don’t really fit in with them.”

“Oh.”

That was a good point. All the linguists that you knew were pretty fluent in at least three languages. Meanwhile, as far as you knew, that wasn’t the case with Jeonghan. You frowned, slightly frustrated. You had really thought you were getting somewhere with that.

“Well, I’m a history major, and I don’t really know what to do with my degree either,” the girl piped up. She looked at you. “I’m Jiheon by the way.”

“Oh, right,” the guy said. He reached out his hand. “Kibum.”

You smiled and went to take it but just as you did Jeonghan’s arm came to your waist, and he tugged you a little closer to him. He smiled.

“This is y/n,” he said. “My girlfriend.”

Kibum’s face flushed a little and he dropped his hand back to his side. Him and Jiheon shared a glance.

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Jiheon said. “We’ve heard a lot about you. Jeonghan really likes you.”

That seemed to make Jeonghan a little annoyed. His hand slid up under your shirt to your bare back. You hummed.

“I would hope my boyfriend likes me,” you jested lightly. “But you were saying. History major.”

Jiheon nodded.

“Right. I just… Didn’t really think about it going in you know? I love history… It just made sense to become a history major. But what do you even do with that? Teach? Am I going to be a deadbeat history teacher for the rest of my life?”

“Surely there’s more that you can do with it than just become a history teacher,” you said.

“Well.” She sighed and brushed her hair out of her eyes, dragging your attention to that. Her hair. Oh my god, she was beautiful. Wide bright eyes, with her black hair pulled back into a high ponytail with wispy bangs framing her face. Perfect skin. Large hoop earrings. One of the prettiest smiles you had ever seen in your life.

And her outfit? Low-waisted wide-legged jeans, and a tight black crop top. It was the perfect I tried but not that hard look and you were so envious of it.

“I could go into the legal world,” she replied. “Become a paralegal… Believe it or not.”

You hummed and gestured towards her.

“I mean, that’s a good idea,” you said. You bumped Jeonghan with your elbow. “Isn’t that a good idea?”

He gave you a weird look but nodded and smiled at Jiheon.

“Whatever you decide to do with your degree I’m sure it will work out. You’re very smart,” he commented. “And Kibum. Not a lot of languages. Don’t you know four?”

“Not fluently,” he replied, a small pout crossing his lips. Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m a psychology major,” you commented. “Aiming to be a therapist.”

“Really?” Jiheon asked. “Have you ever thought about psychiatry?”

“In passing,” you replied with a nod. “I mean in a perfect world I could act as both, but I think that therapy is a better long-term solution to mental issues whereas obviously psychiatry can often be more short term.”

“But a faster short-term solution,” Jiheon pointed out. And she was smart too?

“Together a psychiatrist and I could solve a lot of issues for someone mentally ill,” you agreed. “We’ll see where the world takes me. If I don’t think I’m solving any issues I can always change my career.”

You hummed and then gestured to Jiheon.

“How do you two know Jeonghan?”

It was a struggle to ask if Jeonghan was a history major too. Did that suit him? You had never heard him talk about anything historical before.

“We met each other through… Oh who was it…” Jiheon murmured.

“Namjoon, I think,” Kibum said. “Didn’t he change his major like eight times before settling on public relations?”

Jiheon snapped.

“Yes, Namjoon!” She exclaimed. “He’s always throwing these wine parties specifically for socializing because… Public relations and we met there.”

“Wine parties…?” You echoed. Jiheon nodded.

“Who is going to say no to a good bottle of Moscato and a cheese platter?”

You laughed along with her and Kibum. Jeonghan still seemed a bit troubled. His fingers tickled at your back, practically begging you to inch closer to him. You ignored that, unable to imagine what exactly had bothered him about this conversation.

“So, I suppose you two don’t really know where the summer is going to take you?” You asked them conversationally.

“Actually, I am going to be interning at a law firm,” Jiheon commented. “Along with… Oh, Chayoung. Do you know Chayoung?”

“I know Chayoung,” Jeonghan replied with a nod. “Kibum, we met her at that mixer last semester?”

Kibum seemed stumped, as were you. How had you never met all these people that Jeonghan knew?

“Well, you know she’s in law school,” Jiheon continued. “We both got the internship… Thank god. I couldn’t imagine having to do it all alone.”

“I’m just taking a gap between school and work. I’m going to travel. Pick up some random jobs in different countries. Immerse myself in other cultures,” Kibum said.

You hummed, nodding.

You weren’t really sure what you were going to do after graduation honestly. Sure, you had always thought about it, but you didn’t know anything for sure. All you knew was that you didn’t want to stay here forever.

“Jeonghan used to have a pretty clear plan of what he wanted to do,” Jiheon commented. Her attention straying over to your boyfriend. “But from what I’ve heard you’ve changed a lot of your plans.”

A small, knowing smile was crossing her lips, and she teasingly flicked her thumb across his nose.

“All because you finally got the girl,” she said lightly. Your eyebrow rose slightly in surprise, but you tried to cover it with a laugh.

“We haven’t even talked about the future,” you replied. “We’ve only barely been dating.”

“Yeah, but hasn’t Jeonghan been in love with you since freshmen year?” Jiheon asked, her eyebrows raising knowingly. You tried not to look too surprised. You glanced at Jeonghan only to find that he was stunned. “He used to have this plan to… Oh what was it-”

“People change their career plans,” Jeonghan interrupted. “That’s just natural.”

“Yeah, but you did it because you want to fit y/n’s life plan as best as you can,” she replied. Again. Lightly, but confidently. “Do you even know how badly he wants to keep you?”

Jeonghan’s fingers were even more insistent on your back. You liked the touching, but you were a little focused on the conversation at hand.

“Jiheon has a scary talent for reading minds,” Kibum piped up. You gave him a skeptical expression.

“Reading minds?”

“I’m serious, how do you think she knows all that stuff about Jeonghan?”

“Just like I know that…” Jiheon trailed off and leaned close to you, her voice dropping a few degrees. “You haven’t told him you love him yet.”

Your eyes widened. All too telling. Even if you wanted to pretend that wasn’t true… Here it was. Written out all over your face. You glanced at Jeonghan, terrified that he had overheard even though, you were sure that he had noticed your avoidance of those choice three words. He looked a bit confused. No, confirmation that he had heard.

“Lucky guess,” you murmured. She shrugged knowingly, her ponytail falling back over her shoulder.

“Maybe,” she replied. “Or maybe I really do read minds.”

As she spoke, she wiggled her fingers and giggled as if it were all some huge joke. Luckily for you, Kibum was able to turn the conversation away from the topic of Jiheon reading minds and the future and after almost an hour of talking to them and Jeonghan fending off the attention of other girls he decided it was about time to retire back up to his room.

You forced him to stay downstairs a little bit longer so that you could say hi to all the other Alpha Mu boys and check in on Yeongtae who was fawning over a mostly unimpressed Chaeryeong like a puppy. You watched as Jeonghan changed out of his party clothes, looking to be a bit tired.

“Jiheon and Kibum were nice,” you said softly. He hummed his agreeance. “A history major and a linguistics major,” you pressed lightly. “Who all know a public relations major… Does that mean that I can take all of those out of consideration for your major?”

You laughed, and Jeonghan gave you an amused expression.

“Is that what you were thinking that whole time? While I was begging for your closeness. Desperate for your attention, you were worried about figuring out what my major is?”

Your face reddened just slightly.

“I should know these things about you,” you mumbled.

“You’ll figure it out,” Jeonghan said, again writing off your concerns. “Stop worrying so much.”

He rummaged through his things in his closet.

“I bought something for you actually,” he said. You sat so that your legs were swinging off of Jeonghan’s bed.

“Yeah?” You sort of hated when Jeonghan spoiled you. And you were going to say that, but your words died on your tongue when you saw exactly what Jeonghan was spoiling you with. A long strand of pink satin ribbon. You immediately pressed your lips together and tightened your legs.

You two were silent for a moment before you, without any real prompting said a soft I know my safe word. Jeonghan laughed.

“Satin ribbon isn’t really that good for bondage,” he said. He played with the material in his hands a little bit and after a few seconds of silence he raised an eyebrow at you. “Are you just going to sit there with your clothes on? Or are you going to be good and-”

You didn’t even let Jeonghan finish that before you were undressing and once you were naked and sitting on Jeonghan’s bed again he was talking.

“The satin will tighten and there can be some slippage if you struggle…” He trailed off as he approached you, running his hands lightly down your bare arms before resting on your wrists. He tugged you a bit so that your hands were in front of you on your lap and you stared at his face as he messed with the silk ribbon, tightening it around your wrists. “But I won’t have to worry about that with you, will I? Cause you’re so good for me?”

As he spoke, he leaned towards you, his warm breath teasing your lips. You felt your lip’s part a little in anticipation of a kiss but you fought it in you to close the distance between you two. You had a feeling that today you had a specific goal… Self-control.

Jeonghan’s hands slid down your body to your sides and he lightly ran his fingers up and down them. You whined, under the touch, but bite down on your bottom lip to try to keep the noise from coming out.

You could see the approval in Jeonghan’s eyes. He pulled away from you, and agonizingly slowly began to undress himself. You watched him eagerly. You were itching to touch him, but even if you wanted to you couldn’t.

You felt yourself tugging subconsciously at the restraints on your wrists, and just as Jeonghan said the satin got tighter. Jeonghan’s lips quirked upwards as he watched you. He dropped his last piece of clothing to the side and walked up to you, roughly gripping you by your hips and pulling you close to him. He smiled at you, placing a soft kiss to your lips as he stared at you.

“Do you like this so far?” He asked you. “You’re so completely helpless to me. Normally if you wanted to you could get away from me but I’ve got you all tied up now… You can’t do anything but let me use you.”

That statement sent warmth through your body, and a whine involuntarily escaped your lips.

“Oh, that’s what you like about this isn’t it?”

He pushed you back against his bed hard and sank down to his knees.

“You like being helpless to me,” he murmured, and his breath ghosted your clit. You openly whined again, not afraid to let your desperation show in a small wiggle of your hips. That earned you a sharp slap to your, thigh.

“Be. Good,” Jeonghan said sternly. He dipped forward again, his mouth pressing a small kiss to your clit. It made your whole body shiver, and you were expecting him to do something more but all he did was blow lightly on your clit.

“All mine to play with,” he said softly. “Do you think you could ever dom me, y/n?”

You were quiet for a little while, trying to figure out how to answer. He slapped your pussy and your whole body jumped.

“I-I don’t know,” you blurted out.

“The correct answer was that no. You couldn’t because you need me to tell you exactly what you want. You’re such a brainless slut that you can’t even think for yourself.”

Before you could confirm or negate his words (you weren’t sure which one you were supposed to do… God, he was right) Jeonghan had dove forward and began to suck at your clit.

You were already wet, soaked, dripping all over Jeonghan’s face. You could tell by the way he dipped his head lower, his tongue lewdly dipping inside of you, while one of his hands stretched your pussy lips out for him and his other hand pressed your pelvis down into the bed so that you couldn’t move.

You couldn’t help it, your upper body wiggled, and your arms thrashed a little, tugging at your restraints that only tightened as you moved your hands.

“God, you taste so fucking good,” Jeonghan mumbled in-between eating you out. He rested his cheek on your inner thigh as he peered up at you, pressing two fingers into you with ease. You mewled, still wiggling, desperate to be able to touch something but being completely unable to.

“This is entertaining,” Jeonghan commented, watching as your body twitched when he pressed his thumb to your clit. “Watching you so desperate to act up but being physically unable to.”

He groaned, turning his face into your thigh.

“And I’m so luckily… The only one who gets to be down here.”

He suddenly bit into your thigh, sucking a hickey into your skin there.

There were tears already running down your cheeks, but there was nothing you could do about them with your arms restrained.

Jeonghan pressed a soft kiss to the spot that he had left a mark on and pressed a third finger into you. He scissored the three fingers in and out of you.

“Always need to stretch you out a little before fucking you,” he replied. “Your poor little pussy can barely handle my cock.”

Jeonghan spit at your pussy and then slapped it hard, making your whole body jolt again. He got back up to his feet and grabbed you roughly by your wrists, tugging you across the bed so that your head was hanging off the side of it.

“But, let me get my dick wet before I break my pretty little toy.”

He shifted your tied up hands so that your fingers were by his thigh.

“Keep your hand there so you can tell me if you need me to stop,” he instructed. You barely got a: “yes sir” out before Jeonghan had plunged his cock down your throat. At first your jaw wasn’t wide enough, and you knew that because Jeonghan pulled his cock out of your mouth, slapped you hard and said: “Open up.” Before plunging his cock right back down into it.

You could feel his eyes on you as he pummeled his cock in and out of your mouth like it was your pussy. Groaning with every couching fit that he invoked but never stopping despite the coughs. He lowered one of his hands to your hair, and he tightly gripped the roots.

“Keep fucking moving…” He mumbled, threateningly, and then after going back to fucking your mouth he slapped at your breasts. You cried out at each hit, but the sound fell on mute ears as it was mostly muffled by Jeonghan’s cock down your throat.

Having him fuck your mouth at this angle was different for both of you. You felt like you could feel his cock stretching out your throat much more than you usually could when he fucked it. You were focusing hard on keeping your teeth off of his length.

And you could tell that he liked this angle better thanks to his small escapes of: “God your throat is so fucking tight.”

He fucked your mouth roughly just like that for only a few minutes before he, with no warning at all came down your throat. He pushed himself as far into you as he could, his balls resting against your forehead as his cock twitched the best it could inside of you.

He pulled his cock out of you before he was completely done, as always finding pleasure in the way you coughed up some of his cum, and the way that you twitched as he let the rest of his cum paint your face.

This time however he grabbed you by our cheeks, his fingers digging into them, forcing your mouth open. He leaned over and let a huge glob of spit drop into your mouth. He released your mouth, and you went to swallow it but before you could he was slapping you, and the spit was on your cheek.

He tutted in amusement.

“Stupid whore. So desperate to do good even though I never let you,” he murmured, the false sympathy sending warmth through your body.

“Wa-Wanna b-”

Before you could say anything more Jeonghan was dragging you off of his bed. You scrambled to keep yourself steady, as he dropped your back against his carpet. He kicked your thighs apart, and watched you wiggle on the ground, trying to get in the position he wanted you to be in. He hummed.

“You know what. Get up and crawl.”

Your eyes widened at the request… The order really but you instantly began to scramble and try to do what he wanted.

It was a struggle, but you were finally able to get on all fours like he wanted- Albeit not being very steady. Once you were up you looked up at Jeonghan, with your messy face and wide eyes and he reached behind you to slap your ass so hard that you fell on your face.

He laughed, a sadistic laugh that was so humiliating that it just made your pussy drip down your thighs. You finally got yourself back up and when you looked up at him, Jeonghan was right in front of you. His fingers ghosted just under your chin, and he smiled sweetly at you.

“Alright then. Crawl for me.”

He took a step back and tauntingly coaxed you forward, patting his knees lightly like you were a literal dog. You struggled forward, and every time you got close to him he was taking another step back.

“Go on then, you‘re walking like a bitch. Talk to me like one.”

Confusion riddled your body, and the hesitation it caused earned you a hard slap.

“I said, talk like a bitch.”

It was like a lightbulb went off in your head.

“Bark,” you said, your voice a little high. Jeonghan hummed, unamused.

“Bark like a bitch,” he reasserted. You barked again, and this time it must have been better because Jeonghan grabbed you by your hair and dragged you forward. He squished your mouth open again and forced his cock down your throat again.

You were so turned on now, it hurt, and you couldn’t help that even though the tears had stopped before they were rolling down your cheeks again. Jeonghan rolled his eyes at the display.

“You’re so fucking pathetic he mumbled.

He pulled you off of his cock again and you coughed for air and fought to steady yourself.

“Present yourself,” Jeonghan said.

You hesitated, looking up at him again with confused eyes.

“What is up with your hesitation?” He demanded. He grabbed you by your hair long enough to force your face into the carpet, and slapped your thighs so that your ass was higher in the air.

“Walk like a bitch, bark like a bitch, you’re going to take dick like a bitch.”

His fingers dipped between your folds, and you heard him tutting condescendingly.

“And your pussy is dripping… You’re a bitch in heat too huh?”

He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he pressed his hand to the back of your neck, your arms stretched out in front of you and still tied together- the restraints only having gotten tighter since you two had started since you just couldn’t stop struggling.

“I guess I’ll just have to breed you like a bitch in heat too.”

Jeonghan didn’t bother easing his cock into you. He pushed himself into you in one swift thrust. You screamed into the carpet but that didn’t make Jeonghan very happy.

“Bitches don’t scream,” he murmured. “Bitches bark.”

Tears soaked the carpet in front of you, but you barked weakly in response to his words. Jeonghan then begun to relentlessly fuck you.

He didn’t seem to care about your own pleasure, which made you, of course, even more turned on.

He fucked you so hard that if it hadn’t been for the way he was pressing you into the carpet you would be sliding around like crazy. Your hands couldn’t help but thrash against each other, trying so hard to grab at anything but being completely unable to.

Jeonghan’s first orgasm came suddenly, and he didn’t even hesitate as he fucked his cum hard into you. It dragged an orgasm out of you that you didn’t get punished for. In fact, he didn’t even acknowledge it. Instead, he just fucked you through it, ignoring the way that your body was shaking and convulsing under him.

Instead of speaking you tried to let out weak barks in between your moans, to show him that you weren’t completely mindless but when your second orgasm dragged a second orgasm from him, the barks just became combined with broken sobs of pleasure, and they really were mindless.

Another orgasm wracked through your body, and you were just vaguely aware of Jeonghan saying: “Such a good little bitch, getting full of my cum.” As he came inside of you one more time.

Your whole body was shaking when he came to a full stop inside of you. He wrapped his arm around your waist so that you could fall limp under him.

“Do you feel that?” Jeonghan asked you slightly. “Do you feel all that cum that your dirty cunt is letting drip out of you.”

He shook his head- You could feel it- and sighed. “Your body still isn’t trained enough for this. You’re still not a perfectly good girl, are you?”

You let out a sob, and pushed yourself up on your elbows, looking back at Jeonghan over your shoulder.

“N-No I’m g-good, s-so good,” you blurted out. “I-I took all your cum. I’ll try to keep it in.”

“But you’re not a good girl,” Jeonghan reminded you. He pulled his cock out of you, and you instinctively pushed your ass up, trying to prevent his cum from dripping from you but despite your efforts you could feel all three of his loads gushing out of you.

You cried a little into the carpet, but it felt so good, that you almost didn’t care. Jeonghan let you sit like that for only a few seconds before he was kneeling in front of you. He pressed his lips to your pussy and began to lap at it, eating his own cum out of you until it genuinely felt like he had cleaned all of it out of you.

You felt him turning you around so that he leaned you up, pressing your back against the bed. He got on your lap, his limp cock brushing your hand. He ducked his head a little and began to kiss you, letting you taste the combination of your cum and his on his tongue.

As he kissed you, he lowered his hands to your wrists, and slowly, carefully began to undo your restraints.

It was a bit of a struggle, but Jeonghan was able to undo the satin pretty quickly. He loosely wrapped it around your neck, using the ends to keep your face close to his. He kissed you until you were even. Breathing even, body not shaking, his fingers rubbing soothing circles into the spots that the satin had pressed too hard into your skin. He broke the kiss, letting the satin fall over your chest.

“Does it hurt?” he asked you softly. He raised one of your wrists to his mouth so that he could press soft kisses over the marks. You decided to be honest.

“A little,” you mumbled. “But it was worth it.”

“Yeah?”

He raised his eyes back up to yours, looking into them to see if he could detect anything in them that suggested you were lying. “Did I do anything you didn’t like?”

He asked you softly. You shook your head. Sure, your face and your wrists and your ass all burned, and your jaw was sore from how hard he had been fucking your mouth, and you could still feel his spit on your cheek mixed with his cum and your tears, but you felt so satisfied. So proud of yourself for being able to keep up.

“I liked all of it,” you murmured, and as you admitted it your voice dropped a little and so did your eyes. Jeonghan lightly raised your chin up so that you were looking at him again.

“You’re so silly,” he admonished lightly. “Nothing to be shy about. You did so good for me. Do you know that? You’re always such a good girl for me.”

Your eyes involuntarily teared up a little at that, and a few stray tears ran down your cheeks.

“I’m good for you,” you repeated like a whisper. Jeonghan nodded and kissed away your tears.

“You are always good for me,” he reassured. “And I love you, you know that?”

You nodded, keeping his gaze.

“What do you think?” He asked softly. “A bath or a shower?”

You groaned and dropped your head onto his shoulder.

“I hate you,” you mumbled, and it made him laugh.

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” he said softly. “We’ll get you nice and clean yeah? And you wanted to watch that show with me, didn’t you?”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you peeked up at him suspiciously.

“We get to watch a show?” You asked, surprised by how… Childish it sounded coming out of your mouth. Jeonghan nodded his confirmation.

“Of course,” he assured softly. “And I can go get us some food too. Mingyu made soup the other day.”

You frowned at him.

“Can you….” Your face was starting to burn again. “Take the bath with me.”

Jeonghan laughed softly and he nodded.

“Of course, I can, baby.”

He pressed a small kiss to your lips.

“You’re so good for me.”

After a warm and thorough bath, Jeonghan did as he promised, retrieving some of the best soup that you had ever had before, and settling next to you in his bed so that you two could watch the show you’d been wanting to watch with him for weeks.

You fell asleep partway through the second episode, with your head on his chest.

-

You dipped into the fridge as per Jeonghan’s request trying to locate the banana milk in question.

“You shouldn’t enable his banana milk addiction,” Minghao warned. You glanced back at him. “You know he’s lactose intolerant right?”

Your eyes widened and you turned to Jeonghan who had fixed Minghao under a death glare, when he looked at you however his angry expression disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place.

“I’m not lactose intolerant,” he said with a laugh. “Come on, who would you believe? Minghao or me?”

You pointed at Minghao without a second thought.

“Minghao,” you replied pointedly. To his credit he did look offended. A pout crossed his lips.

“This relationship is built on a foundation of trust-” You raised your eyebrows towards him, and he closed his mouth. “I’m not that lactose intolerant.”

You rolled your eyes but turned back into the fridge, grabbing two of the small cartons of the banana milk. You walked back over to the table and set one of the cartons in front of him. He smiled brightly, and reached up towards you, pulling you down to him by the back of your neck.

He pressed a kiss to your lips.

“See? This is why I love you,” he said softly. “You do whatever I want you to.”

You smiled against his lips, but you pulled away anyways, trying to hide it.

“So, you like me because I’m complacent?” You asked him. Jeonghan’s grip on you loosened and you sat back down next to him, your shoulder brushing against his.

“I do,” Jeonghan agreed. “I thought you knew that?”

“Just wondered if you would admit it in front of Minghao.”

“We all know why Jeonghan likes you and it isn’t because you’re complacent,” Minghao mumbled, and despite the expression on his face there was a twinge of amusement in the tone of his voice.

“Everyone knows why Jeonghan likes me…?” You repeated. You glanced at Jeonghan, who looked like he was tuning the both of you out. He had the small bendy straw of his milk in his mouth. “I doubt that.”

“He talks about you more than you think,” Minghao replied.

“You’re being annoying Minghao, she knows how much I like her.”

You did know, and honestly the expression on Jeonghan’s face was cute. Eyebrows furrowed in frustration, his fingers clutching the cartoon he was holding a bit too tight. Minghao rolled his eyes at Jeonghan.

“Fine, I’ll leave you two alone.”

Jeonghan didn’t say anything, his eyes stayed stuck on a spot on the table.

“Bye Minghao,” you said. He hummed as he slipped out of the room, leaving you two alone. You and Jeonghan sat for a few seconds in silence before you finally scooted towards him. You raised a hand to his face, his cheek so smooth under your touch.

“Jeonghan,” you coaxed softly, your thumb running over his cheek bone.

He hummed, keeping his eyes away from you, ignoring you. You sighed.

“Jeonghan,” you repeated. His eyes flickered to you so briefly before looking away again. “Jeonghan, why are you upset?”

“I’m not upset love,” he said, but you could tell that wasn’t true. You pouted just a bit.

“Yes, you are,” you pressed. You pressed at his face, trying to get him to look at you more insistently. He did, giving you a pressed smile.

“Why would I be upset?” He asked. Your gaze sharpened. He sighed. “He talks about you more than you think.”

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“What?”

“More than you think,” Jeonghan repeated. “As if I don’t say it. The implication that you don’t know that I like you.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that,” you said softly. He sighed, again, looking away from you.

“They all think like that. Because I have always been so emotionally repressed they think that Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t know how to share affection.”

“You’re really good at showing affection,” you said, and you were being completely honest. “Well… After that whole lying about fucking others fiasco.”

Jeonghan gave you a distraught look.

“Okay, I’m kind of bad at showing affection, but you know that I love you.”

You nodded your confirmation.

“I know that you love me.”

He sighed and turned to look at you more straight on. He raised his hands to cup your face in the way that he liked to so much. His thumbs brushed over your cheekbones, and his eyes trailed over your features. Your cheeks reddened at the attention but you stayed silent regardless, letting him look at you.

You would never understand why but… It always comforted him.

After a few minutes he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your lips. Not deepening it. Making it very chaste, smile against your lips as he did it.

“I never doubt that you love me,” you mumbled. Jeonghan pulled back, giving you a slightly skeptical look. “I don’t doubt it. I just… Don’t always understand it.”

Jeonghan hummed, and pulled away from you, glancing at his phone on the counter.

“I have a class to get to,” he said with a sigh. “Where do you want a ride to?”

“I want to get some walking in,” you replied. “I’ll see you on…” You trailed off. “Well. Soon?”

Jeonghan paused, frowning.

“…Soon?” He asked. You frowned back at him.

“I’m busy. I can’t keep spending every day with you.”

Now it was Jeonghan’s turn to look distraught.

“You’re leaving me?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Shut up,” you mumbled. “I just need a few days to study and things.”

“You can study with me.”

“Don’t you respect my space?” You asked him. He rolled his eyes. You both knew the answer to that.

Not really.

“I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Friday?” Jeonghan blurted. You rolled your eyes and stood up, leaning down to press a small kiss to Jeonghan’s forehead, mirroring what he would normally do with you.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder you know?”

You knew that Jeonghan didn’t believe that. That he was very quality time.

But you needed to study a bit more, so you were going to have to focus on that. And you were a lot less distracted when you were studying without Jeonghan around.

-

Your attention to your homework was dragged away by the distinct sound of Jeonghan’s voice. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as you looked across the library, seeing Jeonghan standing a few tables away with a backpack hanging off one of his shoulders. A smile flickered across your lips- Unwarranted- But it died when you realized who he was saying hi to.

It was some girl- Why was it always some girl?- And you could hear a giggle echo from her lips across the library. She was in an ungodly short skirt, with a tight crop top on and she looked so hot. It wasn’t fair.

You couldn’t hear their conversation, but you could see that Jeonghan was actually interested in it. Maybe he pretended not to be interested in conversations for your sake when he knew that you were there. He had a small smile on his lips talking to her. A cute smile. He looked so cute. She looked so happy. Stupid smile on both of their lips.

As Jeonghan spoke, he turned his head slightly, his hair brushing over his shoulder. You thought for a moment he was going to see you but just before his eyes fell on you, they darted back to the girl.

“Y/n, what are you looking at?”

You ripped your eyes away from Jeonghan. Briefly, in order to look at Yeongtae.

“My boyfriend,” you mumbled. You only added the next part because it was Yeongtae and he knew you didn’t mean it. “And his hot new girlfriend.”

Yeongtae glanced over his shoulder, following your eye line and sighed.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked bluntly. “Didn’t you ditch him today?”

You felt something uncomfortable brewing in your stomach and you knew you needed to look away.

“I didn’t ditch him,” you mumbled. “I just don’t get that much work done around him! It’s just a few days.”

“You ditched him,” Yeongtae repeated. “And now you’re jealous.” He waved his pencil through the air. “Toxic, toxic, toxic.”

You kicked Yeongtae from under the table, causing him to curse.

“You’re gonna fall another quiz if you keep acting like that.”

That shut Yeongtae up and allowed you to keep your eyes on Jeonghan.

You rubbed the balls of your feet against the floor, finally deciding that you couldn’t just watch him talk to her anymore but you obviously also couldn’t not watch. You pulled out your phone and typed out a quick text message: Studying is so uneventful.

You sent it before you could think over it too much.

You didn’t care if it wasn’t characteristic of you to say. You didn’t have the energy to think about something that felt more natural.

You watched Jeonghan immediately shift his body, attention still on the girl in front of him. He pulled his phone from his pocket, glancing at the screen for just a second. He gave the girl a serious look, one that you couldn’t really pinpoint the emotion of.

“One second, it’s my girlfriend.”

The acknowledgment of your existence was enough to have you breathing easy again, but the feeling of ease was ripped away from you when your phone started to vibrate in your hands. Your eyes widened and you immediately answered the phone, dropping your voice as much as you could so that Jeonghan wouldn’t be able to hear.

“Hey,” you said. “What- I can’t really talk right now, I’m-”

“You feel better now?” As Jeonghan spoke his head turned, his eyes falling to you. He had a large playful smile on his lips as the two of you made eye contact, making your face darken in embarrassment.

“I-”

Jeonghan’s laugh was so genuine. He dropped one of his hands to cover the microphone of the phone as if it would make you unable to hear him.

“That’s my girlfriend over there,” he clarified. His eyes only flickered away from you for a moment. He dropped his phone to his side saying a: “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Before making his way over to you. You could hear the shuffling of his shirt against his phone as he walked over to you, and you held it to your face as if that would make this less humiliating. You looked down at your homework, your lips pressing together but you were only looking like that for a few moments before Jeonghan’s hand was on your chin and he was turning your face to his. He still had such a bright smile on his face.

“Did you think I didn’t know you were there?” He asked you lightly. “You are the very first thing I notice when I walk into a room.”

He willed your lips closer to his and then, before he could kiss you he pulled away from you completely, his hand dragging lightly along your back as he dragged the chair out next to you and took a seat beside you.

“Yeongtae,” he greeted.

“Hi,” Yeongtae said back. You buried your face in your hands, peeking out at Yeongtae between the spaces of your fingers. He gave you a very brief panicked look and then dropped his eyes back down to his own homework. You sighed, and turned your head to face Jeonghan who was looking down at the laptop that he had brought out of his backpack.

“You have class with her?” You asked him. You knew how it sounded but you really didn’t mean it that way. You were prying for the sake of more information about him, not for information about her. Jeonghan hummed.

“Yeah.”

He fell silent, making frustration bubble into your throat.

“What class?” You prodded.

“An ISS course, People and the Environment,” Jeonghan replied, and the ambiguity of it was driving you even crazier. People and the Environment? What did someone even learn in a class like that? ISS courses were required in basically every single major at the university. It didn’t narrow down anything at all.

“I guess it’s just one course huh,” you continued pressing. “Probably just met her.”

“No, we’ve had classes together every year,” Jeonghan negated. “We’re applying for the same internship this summer.”

Internship? Classes every year?

You could feel the jealousy building impossibly harder at the thoughts and it wasn’t even because Jeonghan was with that girl it was because she knew more about him than you did. Thoughts of them sitting next to each other in classes flooded your head. The unspoken bond that was surely between the two of them was something that you would never achieve with him yourself.

Yeah, Jeonghan loved you and you were dating him, but this girl knew him. And you didn’t.

“You’re applying for an internship this summer?” You asked softly. Jeonghan nodded again and he turned to you.

“I am,” he agreed. “But I’ll still be in town, you don’t have to worry about missing me.”

He was teasing you. Teasing you and it was about something that you weren’t even worried about.

“What’s the internship for?” You pressed but, Jeonghan’s smile only grew.

“Now, now, are you cheating?” He chided. “You’re trying to get my major out of me. You’ve just got to let these things happen.”

“But-” Before you could get anything out, Jeonghan’s hand was being pressed distractingly to your face.

“Let it happen naturally,” he murmured, ignoring your spluttering protests. You heard Yeongtae let out a snicker.

“It is natural,” you insisted. “You would just… Tell me what your internship is going to be, and I would figure out your major… Naturally.”

Jeonghan leaned close to you, his thumb flickering over your bottom lip.

“It will come naturally,” he assured you softly. His thumb slipped under your chin and he coaxed your face closer to his. Once his lips were close enough to yours, he gave you a chaste kiss, pulling back before he could give you anything of real substance. “Just as natural as I get to kiss you.”

Jeonghan smiled at you and gestured at your homework.

“Shouldn’t you get back to work? I didn’t come here to distract you.”

That brought up a whole different question: “Why did you come here?”

“Because you were here,” Jeonghan replied as if it were obvious. His gaze flickered back to yours, recognizing your confusion and he gestured off-handedly back at Yeongtae. “Yeongtae told me that you two were studying here.”

Your confusion only grew.

“When did you and Yeongtae start talking?” You asked. Jeonghan turned his attention back to his own work, his hand falling on your thigh as he scooted his chair closer to you.

“We just did. Sometime after you and I got together.”

You shot Yeongtae a half-glare and as soon as he caught sight of it his eyes were widening and he was zoning back into his work.

“I’m glad you two are getting along,” you said, turning back to face Jeonghan. He still wasn’t looking at you, but his thumb dragged a small circle into your thigh to prove that he was listening. “But it feels a bit like you’re plotting against me.”

Both boys ignored you. You sighed.

Fine.

You turned your attention back to your own work. Just the outline of a presentation you would have to do soon. You tapped your pencil in irritation against the table, your thoughts unable to turn away from your boyfriend next to you.

You pulled your laptop out, beginning to boot it up, and as you waited for it to let you log on you glanced over at Jeonghan. He seemed to be reading something, and he was scary focused. So focused that he didn’t even notice that you were staring.

A thought shot through your head, that if you looked at whatever paper Jeonghan was reading maybe you would be able to figure out what he was reading. And maybe that would give you some kind of indication as to what he was studying.

You pressed your lips together and turned your attention to his computer, trying to make it seem like you were still just watching your own. You tried to pick out the words on his screen but you couldn’t see. You tried to look better but just as you did Jeonghan was squeezing your side, and turning his computer screen.

“Stop reading my homework,” he chided. You groaned, your head falling onto Jeonghan’s shoulder.

“Jeonghan please just tell me what your major is,” you begged softly. “I’m never just going to figure it out, I’m not a figure it out kind of person I’m a you tell me and I remember it kind of person.”

“You’ve got to learn to be patient,” he chided you softly. “You’ll figure it out at some point.”

You didn’t move from where you were sitting a surely pouting at Jeonghan but all he did was swipe his thumb across your chin, press a small kiss to your lips, and smile at you.

“Get back to studying.”

-

“Alright, alright,” Yeongtae pressed as you two watched Jeonghan’s car disappear around the corner. “Let it out.”

“Let what out?” You asked him, shrugging your bag further up on your shoulder.

“It,” Yeongtae encouraged. You considered pretending that you didn’t know what he was talking about, but after only a few seconds you decided that you didn’t want to.

“I don’t know anything about him,” you blurted frustratedly. “Like, anything about him… At all.”

“That’s not true,” Yeongtae denied but you ignored him, waving your hands in the air wildly.

“I don’t know his major. I didn’t know he was lactose intolerant. I-”

“What are you expecting?” Yeongtae interrupted, even though he had been then one telling you to just let it out. “That you would just know everything about him?”

You pressed your lips together in frustration.

“Well-”

“You don’t just magically learn things about people,” Yeongtae mumbled. Your annoyance only built inside of you.

“Obviously I know that Yeongtae,” you replied. “It’s just… Why does everyone else know so much more about him then me?”

“Because they’ve known him longer,” Yeongtae pointed out.

“Not even just… That girl from his class, or the boys of Alpha Mu,” you argued back. “Ask anyone something random about him and I bet that they could name more than me.”

“Well…” Yeongtae sighed and rolled his eyes. “I mean… Yeah. He’s Yoon Jeonghan.”

Another starking reminder of the thing that you always forgot. There were a lot of people who were interested in Jeonghan. Not even just Jeonghan but all the boys of Alpha Mu. Especially now that you were really welcome over there all the time… It was easy to forget that Jeonghan wasn’t just Jeonghan.

He was Yoon Jeonghan.

You had tried to tell him that that was something that bothered you and even so in such a short amount of time you had forgotten.

You fell back against your chair, shoving the back of your head into the headrest.

“Yoon Jeonghan. I’m dating Yoon Jeonghan.”

-

You stood in front of Jeonghan’s class nervously, your fingers toying with the strands of your backpack.

This was humiliating. Really.

First, texting Seungcheol ahead of time to ask him what Jeonghan’s schedule was…. The: what could you possibly want that for? ㅋㅋ, made you want to scream into your pillow.

… You did in fact scream into your pillow over it.

But this too? You weren’t this kind of person. You didn’t go behind people’s backs and figure out their schedules. You didn’t surprise people out of the blue. You weren’t the person who did these things in relationships.

The door to the classroom popped open and students began to pour out of the classroom. You sucked in a deep breath, your head dipping slightly to try and avoid garnering too much attention to yourself. You realized quickly however that just seeing shoes wasn’t going to be super helpful in getting Jeonghan’s attention. You let your eyes trail back up and you noticed as Jeonghan slipped outside of the classroom. He was next to someone you didn’t recognize. A girl… Long hair. Not the same girl from the library.

You felt your fingernail pressing into the pad of your thumb, you were so nervous. You shouldn’t have just showed up. You should have texted him. You thought about just walking away but you shook it out of your head.

“Jeonghan,” you called, but it was so quiet. You could barely hear yourself. You cleared your throat. “Jeonghan.”

He was talking to the girl. He still didn’t seem able to hear you over his classmates. You sucked in a sharp breath and then, pulling on your backpack straps, you walked towards Jeonghan and his classmate.

You couldn’t hear what they were talking about… Unfortunate. Maybe it would give you a clue on what his major was.

“… but when he mentioned the problem on page 83 tha-”

“Y/n?” Jeonghan interrupted the conversation, his lips quirking up into a smile. You stopped walking, a smile flickering across your face as well as he changed the direction, he was walking so that he could come straight over to you. You lifted your head up a little as he came close to you so that it would be easy for him to press a small kiss to your lips- Which he did- and once he had pulled back, he was smiling even harder.

“What are you doing here?” He asked you, seeming to have completely forgotten about his classmate who… Just looked a little confused to see you there.

“I thought we could get lunch,” you replied slowly. Jeonghan gave you a small quirk of the eyebrow. You just glanced past him towards the door he had come out of. “What class are you coming from?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jeonghan replied lightly. “Is that why you’re really here? Trying to figure out what class I’m coming from?”

Your mouth gaped a little bit at the accusation, but it wasn’t completely untrue. You could have just texted him and met him at the school cafeteria or something. Your reaction was answer enough. He nodded and turned back over to the classmate he was with.

“I’ll catch you later,” he told her. “My girlfriend is going to take me to lunch.”

Your face flushed red a little as Jeonghan gestured for you to lead the way. You could feel a lot of eyes on you, and it made you swallow hard in embarrassment. Jeonghan smiled a little when he noticed your embarrassment. He walked up next to you, his shoulder brushing yours.

“Would you like it better if I held your hand?” He asked you teasingly.

You gave him an annoyed expression.

“Is that you projecting?” You asked him lightly. “Do you want to hold my hand?”

“There’s a lot of things that I want to do with you,” he replied, his voice dropping a little to a tone that you very much recognized. Your face flushed a little more but before you could respond, Jeonghan’s hand was finding yours. You thought it would be awkward, especially considering you weren’t expecting it, but Jeonghan’s hand slid easily into your hand.

Once your fingers intertwined, Jeonghan gave you a small squeeze and then swung your hands forward in a playful way.

“You know everyone is going to look at us and think-”

“Who is that girl with Jeonghan? He’s really playing the long con with her,” you offered up. He rolled his eyes.

“They’re going to understand the rumors about me dating someone,” he replied lightly. He tugged you closer to him, and bumped your shoulders. “You’re so beautiful… And perfect.”

You huffed softly, and looked away from him at the students you two were walking past. Surely enough they were looking at the two of you, whispering to one another. It made you want to rip your hand away from Jeonghan. All you could think about was all these people looking at you and Jeonghan. You almost forgot in a weird way that he was even there.

Suddenly, you felt your arm being pulled and you stumbled a little to a stop, turning over your shoulder to find that Jeonghan was pouting at you. Your thoughts of other people melted away, and confusion riddled across your face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him. Your thoughts raced. “What did I do?”

“You’re thinking about everyone else so much you’re not thinking about me,” Jeonghan replied factually, even though, how could he know that? You frowned at him slightly, holding the space between you two for a little bit. Then when he didn’t budge you closed the distance between the two of you, giving him an apologetic expression.

“I’m just-”

Before you could respond Jeonghan was raising his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him so that he could drag you into a deep kiss. You wanted to be self-conscious in it, but it was hard to when Jeonghan’s thumb was rubbing small circles into the back of your neck.

When Jeonghan pulled away, his pout was gone, replaced by a smile and you knew he had gotten what he wanted.

“Don’t think about all these other people,” he said softly. “Think about me.”

You pressed your lips together because… If you didn’t you thought, you would try to kiss him again and nodded. Jeonghan stared at you for a few moments as if trying to decipher how you were feeling now but didn’t seem to find anything that bothered him.

He didn’t have to say it for you to hear him loud and clear: I love you.

You gave him a small smile.

“What do you want for lunch?”

-

Class had been frustrating so when you get out of class and saw that Jeonghan was leaning against the hallway wall, talking to some girl that you had never seen before. You didn’t even really care. You walked over to them, and smiled brightly at Jeonghan your boyfriend.

“You came to see me after class?” You asked him, the excitement in your voice undeniable. Jeonghan smiled and nodded.

“Yeongtae told me that you two weren’t studying today so I thought that we could spend some time together,” he replied. He took you by your wrists and pulled you close to him so that your chest pressed into his. He leaned forward a bit so that he could give you a chaste kiss to your lips. His thumbs rubbed your wrists comfortingly.

You thought in the back of your head that he should warn you before he just showed up at your class. After all, unlike Yeongtae you did have other friends but in this very moment, you didn’t care, you were more than happy to bid good bye to the girl he was talking to. No question on who it was and you were happy to walking with Jeonghan to his car.

And yet, you were only in his car for a few moments before Jeonghan felt the need to start to toy with you.

Jeonghan’s hand dipped beneath the waist band of your pants, his index finger finding your clit with ease. He toyed with it for a few moments.

“What’s your safe word?”

You blurted it, only then realizing that you had been very insistently holding your breath. Once Jeonghan heard your safe word his hand was sliding further down into your pants, his fingers meeting dampness.

A smile click of Jeonghan’s tongue both fulled you with embarrassment at having already been wet and pride. You knew that the feeling thrilled him even when he talked down to you for it.

“You’re such a little whore,” he mumbled softly. Before you could respond his fingers dipped inside of you, and your whole body arched into his chest. Your hand shot up and you grabbed hold of the handle on the ceiling, as your legs immediately spread for him.

“Are you really this shameless?” He asked you. “You’d let me fuck you anywhere wouldn’t you? In front of anyone?”

You whined in response, and it wasn’t a response, but Jeonghan didn’t really care.

“I need you to remind me again that you know your safe word,” Jeonghan said softly. His fingers didn’t still inside of you, but his tone confused you a bit. He never asked for souble confirmation that you knew your safe word. You frowned a bit but repeated your safe word.

“Okay,” he murmured. “I want you to unbuckle your seat belt and get my cock out. Licks. Not sucking. It’s the only time I’ll ever allow you to edge me.”

You nodded, and started to do as he wanted before he was even done. You two were now just driving very slowly down a small road towards your apartment. Sure there were some cars passing by and a few people on the side walk but you might as well have been sight seeing with the speed at which he was going. A car crash was the last thing that you were worried about.

“And I want you to pull your pants down to your knees and stick your ass in the air so that everyone can see while I finger your pretty pussy.”

You understood why he had wanted to make sure you really knew your safe word. You hesitated, your fingers wrapped around the base of his cock.

You weren’t that much of an exhibitionist… At least you hadn’t been before you started fucking Jeonghan. You thought to your other moments… Calling Yeongtae… Letting him fuck you in the store bathroom… Letting him fuck you against the window at the library.

With your ass in the air, and your mouth on his cock, it wasn’t like anyone would be able to see your face anyways.

Without much more thought you were finishing doing what he asked, pulling your pants down to your knees and pressing your lips to Jeonghan’s cock.

“Oh you really are such a slut,” Jeonghan murmured, but the praise in his voice was undeniable. “You’re so desperate to please that you really will do anything for me.”

Instead of responding you began to tentatively lick at Jeonghan’s slowly hardening cock. As you did that Jeonghan’s hand made it’s way over to your pussy, which was now dripping wetness down your thighs.

“You really like this don’t you?” Jeonghan observed, his fingers gathering the wetness. He then slathered his cock in your wetness so that you could see just how much there was. Your face flushed red but you went back to lapping at his cock, now able to taste your salty wetness as well.

Jeonghan’s fingers returned to your pussy, and this time he just plunged two of his fingers into your pussy. You whined, your fingers tightening around Jeonghan’s cock, as your head dipped forward a bit, small pants leaving your lips.

“I wish you could see how jealous everyone looks,” he commented lightly. “They’re all so jealous watching as I finger your pretty pussy. I know they wish that their fingers were buried inside of you instead of mine.”

Your face burned at the thought as Jeonghan’s car slowed to a stop. You glanced up and noticed that there was a stop light.

“I’m going to roll down the window so that everyone can hear you,” Jeonghan warned, waiting a few seconds for a protest. You gave none. You heard the distinct sound of Jeonghan’s window rolling down, and it was like you could feel eyes on you as Jeonghan began to curl his fingers inside of you to that spot that he knew drove you crazy.

“F-Fuck.”

You knew without having to be told that Jeonghan wanted you loud so you didn’t hold back the moans of pleasure, and you tried not to feel to embarrassed by the squelching sound of Jeonghan’s fingers sliding in and out of your soaked pussy.

The “show” didn’t last long ,and you never got to see how was watching if anyone was at all. You suddenly heard Jeonghan rolling up the window and his car started to roll forward again.

“You sound like a whore,” Jeonghan grumbled. Before more could be said, he reached up and buried his fingers into your hair, forcing your head down onto his cock.

You could as his whole cock was forced into your throat but no complaints were about to leave you. You could feel the pleasure at having done well curling in your stomach, you felt like you could come at any moment-

You felt Jeonghan’s car rolling to a stop and once the car jerked into a stop, his hand cracked hard against your ass. You gasped in surprise at the sudden touch only to be ripped right back off of his cock.

“In my lap. Now.”

You weren’t sure where you two were. An empty parking lot? It didn’t really matter. You obediently climbed into Jeonghan’s lap, and without doubling checking lined yourself up on Jeonghan’s cock. As you tried to get it in right, you accidentally rubbed his tip a few times between your folds which must’ve seemed like a tease because the second his tip had slid into your pussy he had pushed you all the way down onto him.

You cried out in surprise, a small stretch vibrating through your body that Jeonghan did not give you much time to adjust to. He grabbed your hips and began to forcefully raise you up and down the length of his cock. You whined, your body writhing in pleasure as all you could do was keep your face buried in his neck as he forced you up and down on his cock like you were some kind of sex doll.

“This is what you were made for,” he mumbled right beside your ear. “You were made for my cock. Made to be used by me for my own pleasure. And you like it don’t you? You like just being pummeled by my cock. Being stuffed full and used like your own pleasure doesn’t even matter.”

You nodded but Jeonghan was not satisfied by that. You were ripped back by your hair, and roughly slapped so that little tears sprouted at the corners of your eyes.

“I asked you a question you stupid slut. Are you even listening to what I say to you? Or is your small little brain unable to comprehend anything other than my cock filling you up?”

“I-I-“ You struggled to find your words but Jeonghan only started fucking you harder at that, purposely trying to make it more difficult for you. “Pl-please I-I- wanna-“

You weren’t able to get any straight words out and it earned you another slap which did not make it easier.

“I-I’m go-gonna-”

Jeonghan was spilling his cum into you without warning, seeming to find pleasure at your desperation to come along with your desperation to please him.

“Then why don’t you just do it and come like brainless slut you are?” Jeonghan suggested.

You were coming hard before you really knew it. Your whole body shook and you could have sworn that white flashed as your body fell limp against Jeonghan. His fingers loosened their tight grip on your lips, and you could his cock trapping his cum inside of you.

It was a little sweaty know in his car. Your shirt was sticking to you in a way that was a bit uncomfortable but, you didn’t pay it much thought.

“Y/n?”

You ignored Jeonghan, focusing on your breathing. You were so full. He felt so good. Your body was still shaking a little, surprised by how rough he had been so suddenly.

“Y/n.”

You peeled back enough so that you could hazily look at Jeonghan. He gave you a small smile and observed the expression on your face. After deeming it okay he began to press small kisses across it.

“You’re being really good baby,” he assured you lightly. “Always so good for me. You sure that was okay?”

You nodded distractedly, the exhaustion of the day finally hitting you.

Jeonghan laughed a little.

“Come on now, did I actually fuck you that good? You can’t get out a sentence?”

You forced yourself to focus on Jeonghan. You gave him a small smile.

“You always fuck me that good,” you replied. He let out a small laughed and patted you on the back of your head.

“Okay baby let’s get you home.”

Jeonghan was so annoying when it came to after care. He insisted on piggy backing you up to your apartment, and once you two were back he was drawing you a bath, searching your cabinets for sugar scrub and body butter.

He sat just outside of the bathtub, after laying you down into the warm soapy water. He was so focused on getting you clean too. Asking you off-handedly small things about your day as he rubbed the sugar scrub into your skin.

You stared at Jeonghan’s soft face as he lathered face soap into yours.

“Hey Jeonghan,” you mumbled softly. He hummed at you, distractedly. He wasn’t really listening. “Tell me that you love me again.”

His eyes flickered up to yours.

“I do,” he assured and his voice sounded so genuine. “I love you so much y/n.”

You smiled at him.

“Okay,” you whispered softly.

If Jeonghan was put off by the fact you didn’t say it back, he didn’t voice it.

“Do you want to do face masks?”

You had bought a couple of lego sets for Jeonghan to do while he was over at your place, and so after you two had both gotten cleaned and dressed, you two had ordered food and put facemasks on.

You watched him as he assembled the lego pieces and you thought idly that he was really good at building things.

“Can I have any hints at what your major is?” You asked, letting your voice drop to an octave that you thought might intice him to just tell you what you wanted to hear. He raised a skeptical eyebrow towards you.

“No,” he replied. The finality in his voice made you groan.

“This is unfair, won’t you tell me anything about yourself?” You asked him. “What about Kibum and Jiheon? Tell me more about them.”

Jeonghan thought over your request.

“Well, I will tell you that actually Jiheon and I are very close. She invites me to do a lot of things with her. I’m not really a part of her friend group but… I am.”

“Oh.”

That was good information actually. You nodded, pretending not to find the information that life changing.

“I think our food is here.”

-

Jiheon was a history major and so you knew that to casually bump into her all you had to do was camp outside of the history building bus stop. And of course, you had dragged Yeongtae with you.

“There are better ways to figure out things about Jeonghan.”

You mostly ignored him, your fingers drumming against the edge of your phone.

“This is going to work Yeongtae. Jeonghan said that he’s basically in her friend group if I can just get the chance to hang out with them then I will see a whole other side of him that he isn’t letting me see right now.”

“Yeah but this is a little psychiotic don’t you think?” He questioned. “Waiting for her outside of the-”

Before he could continue your eyes noticed a familiar ponytail in a crowd. Your eyes widened.

“Okay, okay game on.”

You two quickly changed your topic of conversation to one that was a little more fitting. Something about homework and classes that had frustrated you two. It was scary how natural it sounded.

“Oh my god, wait a second-“ Jiheon let out an excited sound and she bounced over to the two of you.

“Is that who I think it is? Mrs. Yoon.”

Your face flushed a dark red at being called such a thing and you immediately questioned if maybe you would have been better off if you had tried to target someone else. Maybe Cheol would be able to help you see the side of Jeonghan you hadn’t yet.

“Jiheon?” You replied, feigning surprise. “Oh, wow this is, uh-” You gestured towards Yeongtae, who dipped his head towards Jiheon. “This is Yeongtae.”

“Oh, Yeongtae,” Jiheon greeted softly. “I’ve seen you at a few parties.”

Now it was Yeongtae’s turn to turn red.

That Cheol idea was sounding more and more tempting… But you reminded yourself that he would probably see right through you and encourage you to just reach out to Jeonghan about all of this yourself. He’ll tell you when he wants to.

“I’m guessing Jeonghan told you about the friend group,” Jiheon said slightly, a smile on her face. “And you want to meet them so you can get to know Jeonghan better.”

Your mouth fell open in surprise at the accusation. Mostly at the accuracy of it. You fleetingly remembered what Kibum had said about her being able to practically read minds.

“Well,” Jiheon continued, not even waiting for you to continue. “You’re in lucky because we’re all going to the bar tonight and you and your friend Yeongtae are more than invited!”

Jiheon giggled and jumped up, wrapping her arm around your shoulders excitedly.

“It’ll be so much fun! Everyone has been begging to meet you ever since Jeonghan started prioritizing moping about you not being by his side 24/7 over hanging out with us.”

You felt a bit guilty but you didn’t have a super long time to think about it.

“Come on. We’re going to miss the bus.”

-

You’d never been to the bar that Jiheon ended up taking you and Yeongtae to but you found that you did like it. You were pleasantly surprised by the dark wood tables and floors that made it feel very home-y and the old pictures of groups of people that made this feel like a bar that really had been serving people since the 90s.

Jiheon took you and Yeongtae over to a table that housed a small group of students your age and quickly introduced you two to them- Most of them actually already knew Yeongate.

There was Yujin, Sunghoon, and of course Kibum. They all smiled at you, nursing cups of different colored drinks. Kibum and Sunghoon, amusingly enough, nursing very pink drinks.

“You’ve got to get me one of those,” Yeongtae said as soon as he took a seat next to Kibum. Sunghoon reached across Kibum to fist bump Yeongate.

“I can take you up to the bar to order one,” he replied. “It’s good to see you man.”

They both got right back up, and wandered over to the bar that was bathed in warm golden light.

“Do you drink much y/n?” Yujin asked. You thought about it silently for a few seconds.

“Not a lot,” you admitted. “But one drink doesn’t really hurt.”

Yujin got up.

“Let me grab you something… Hm… Fruity?”

You nodded with a small smile, and she disappeared to join the boys up at the bar. You slid down next where she had been and Jiheon slid in next to you.

“Kibum, it’s good to see you again.”

He gave you a smile.

“Yeah.”

He turned to Jiheon, a slightly confused expression on his face.

“I thought Jeonghan couldn’t come tonight?”

“He can’t,” she replied. There was an excited glint in her eyes, that seemed to stress Kibum out a little bit. He mumbled something under his breath in another language that you didn’t catch. Jiheon just arched an eyebrow at him.

“It’s not a big deal,” she assured.

After talking to Jeonghan’s friends for a few hours you were able to piece together a few things about Jeonghan. For one, even outside of Alpha Mu Jeonghan, really was treated like a king. In every story they told he got what he wanted, picked up any person that he looked at.

Most of all they said it was hard to keep track of him. One second he was there, the next… Well, they would have completely lost him, unsure of where he went until he just reappeared a few minutes later, no prompting of what he had been up to.

They almost always paid for him, apparently got him whatever he wanted. It was amusing to hear honestly. The way that everyone would cater to him.

“It’s like they always say,” Yujin stated.

“Jeonghan always gets what he wants,” the whole group parroted as if it had been rehearsed.

“I can’t believe he actually got you,” Sunghoon commented. “Jiheon always said that he liked you but… Well, no one believed her.”

“How…” The commented confused you. “How would Jiheon know that?”

“One time we were all at a party and you were there too and Jeonghan was completely different than usual,” Jiheon replied. “He kept glancing at you, urging the group closer to whoever you were talking to. So annoyed when you finally left…. It was easy to figure out that he liked you.”

“Jeonghan was so convincing though. He said he didn’t even know who you were,” Kibum commented. “Should’ve known better. Should’ve known to just trust Jiheon.”

Yujin looked at her very seriously.

“Your powers are nothing to mess with… You’re insane.”

Jiheon beamed with pride.

“Okay… You’ve got to tell me. Is it really that good?” Jiheon pressed lightly. Your eyes widened as she pushed forward a small glass. You glanced down into it but there was nothing but clear liquid. You raised an eyebrow at her.

“Vodka?” You asked. She frowned slightly.

“Water,” she replied with a point. “But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about Jeonghan. Is he really that good in bed?”

Yujin gasped, sharply nudging Jiheon in the side.

“Jiheon?”

“What?” She asked innocently. “We were all thinking it.”

“We were not all thinking it,” Sunghoon insistently.

“Some of us have heard it,” Yeongtae replied just as miserably. Him and Sunghoon shared a horrified glance.

“You’ve never…” You trailed off, wondering if it was weird to assume that Jeonghan had fucked all the girls he was friends with.

“Oh god no,” Yujin said, her nose wrinkling slightly. “Our relationship with Jeonghan has never been like that. I think it’s different for him. Meeting people at parties versus in class.”

You hummed in thought.

What you had known of Jeonghan before, albeit not much, was just that he was very flirty. Touchy. When he saw someone… something that he liked then he was bound to show so in his gaze and his touches and all of the above.

And from what you had seen Jeonghan always got what he wanted. You knew that no girl had ever rejected him before. No, that would make news. And you were fairly certain that translated outside of girls and people… The boys at Alpha Mu seemed to always give him what he wanted.

You didn’t always do that for him. At the same time as you did always give him what he wanted, you also didn’t. You knew he would like it if you spent more time with him. You knew that you could do more to be a better girlfriend for him.

“Come on,” Jiheon urged excitedly, shaking your shoulder a little. “What’s it like? Is he big?”

Your face burned in embarrassment.

“I mean-”

“Now, now, now.” A hand came around your neck from behind, the touch light, his thumb in the little dip of your neck. You turned your head back, even though you didn’t really need to in order to know exactly who was standing there, touching you like they owned you. “Jiheon if you want to know so badly you could always just ask to see.”

Jiheon was not embarrassed at all at having been caught in the middle of this conversation.

“Jeonghan can I please see your cock.”

She batted her eyes innocently, in a way that made Sunghoon and Yujin snicker.

“Sure, as long as my pretty girlfriend says that it’s okay,” he said pleasantly. Both Jiheon and Jeonghan laughed at their own conversation and Jeonghan’s hand prodded you to look at him more. You turned so that were facing him, instantly taking him in.

His hair was falling in his face in a way that made you feel like you needed to fix it. He was wearing a loose button up and a pair of slacks. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Jeonghan, where are you coming from?”

He shrugged off-handedly.

“Partner-work,” he replied with a sigh. “And imagine my dismay, when I can’t find my girl friend anywhere to get the scent of…” His face turned soar. “Kimmie off of me.”

You could smell a faint scent of women’s perfume on his shirts, and it made a small ball build up in your throat. Before you could say anything, Jeonghan pressed a kiss to your lips and elbowed Jiheon lightly so that she would get out of the booth. She slid out and Jeonghan slid in next to you. A pout on his lips.

“All you do is sneak around behind my back to try and find out things about me,” he said softly. Your face burned at the accusation even though… Well, it was true. “You owe me.” He poked you and leaned closer. “You’re going to get punished for this.”

His voice was too quiet for anyone to hear, and luckily for you, you were able to keep your embarrassment mostly to yourself. As Jeonghan had spoken, Jiheon was pulling a chair up at the end of the table.

“And you just invited her? What have you all been talking about?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Yujin said teasingly. “Maybe if you spent more time with us we wouldn’t have to resort to kidnapping your girlfriend.”

Jeonghan gave Yujin an annoyed looked and he glanced over at the two glasses in front of you. The water… The one with a little bit of a drink at the bottom. You felt ashamed for it but, he didn’t do anything that actually made you feel that way.

“Do you want another one?” He asked you softly. You were going to say no but… His voice was so genuine. So soft. You could feel that he just wanted to take care of you. You nodded. He smiled, and patted your head lightly.

“I’ll be right back.”

He slid out of the booth so that he could go to the bar and as soon as he was away Yujin was gasping and grabbing your arm.

“Look at you,” she said excitedly. “You really are Mrs. Yoon. He’s treating you like a queen.  I bet he’d do anything for you.”

Her excitement was palpable.

“I told you,” Kibum said. “It’s like he’s someone completely different than we are used to when he is around her.”

“I didn’t know he had the capacity to care about someone,” Sunghoon said, and it sounded serious but the way the others laughed made it clear to you that it was a joke. When Jeonghan came back he rolled his eyes, setting the drink in front of you as if he could tell what they were talking about.

“Well, go on… Ask your questions.”

It bothered you the way he answered all of their questions about you two’s relationships but wouldn’t even tell you his major. You could tell that Yeongtae knew. You knew that Jeonghan could tell too, he was just pretending not to notice.

To quell your frustration his hand was on the back of your neck, his fingers playing with your hair as a way to ease you.

It did ease you, and as you were eased you were able to just sit and listen to the way that he interacted with them. He was very playful; his mood was light.

He still smelled lightly of that girl’s perfume.

-

You bid a quick greeting to the Alpha Mu boys in the living room as you made your way up to Jeonghan’s bedroom. It had been a few days since you met his friends at the bar, and despite Jeonghan’s insistence against it, Jiheon had urged you to come hang out again some other time.

And even though he told you a million times you shouldn’t hang out with her, when you asked for it Jeonghan gave you her phone number so that you could text her.

You thought about what the others had said. He was different around you. You wondered exactly what that meant. Everyone was always telling you how much he liked you… It was just weird. You sort of understood the outburst Jeonghan had after that conversation with Minghao. Everyone acted like he was bad at expressing his feelings.

But you thought he was really good at it.

When you walked into Jeonghan’s room he was at his desk, sketching something out on a paper. As soon as you closed the door behind you however he was folding the paper away. You sighed. It must have to do with school.

You walked over to Jeonghan and sighed, dropping your whole body weight on him. The day had been exhausting. What with work, and school. You were about ready to just fall asleep. Jeonghan seemed to sense that in you.

“Did you eat?” He asked.

You groaned, and it told him everything he needed to know.

“Well, you know full well you can’t sleep until you eat. I’ll get you something from downstairs,” he said lightly. “You just go ahead and change.”

Frustration still buzzed in your chest, but you nodded.

“Do you work tomorrow?” He asked you softly. He turned so that he could drag you into his lap. You let him give you a small kiss. You shook your head.

“Good,” he said. “Do you want to spend the day with me?”

You perked up at the question but also… It was suspicious.

“Doing what?” You asked him.

“I have this seminar I need to go to,” he replied. “And then I wanted to go see an old classmate maybe.”

This made you even more suspicious.

“… Why?”

A smile ghosted his lips.

“You remember that punishment that I mentioned the other day?”

He turned and rummaged around in one of his drawers before pulling out what you recognized to be a small sex toy. It was pale pink and had a small piece that was obviously meant to go inside of you. At the base of that it looked a bit like a butterfly. You frowned at it slightly.

“What…?”

Before you could ask more Jeonghan had pressed the item to your arm and was clicking a remote that was in his other hand. The toy buzzed to life, and your eyes widened with understanding.

“I think that’s a fitting punishment, don’t you?” He asked you lightly. “A full day of edging?”

There was an evil glint in his eyes that scared you just as much as the idea excited you.

-

The toy itself fit surprisingly comfortably inside of you. You thought that it would feel akward. You thought that you would be constantly uncomfortable but you weren’t really. At first you were worried that you were walking weird but you decided after he buzzed it on that the fear was solely in your head. Seungcheol didn’t seem to notice that the toy was vibrating or the way that your eyes widened and you grabbed Jeognhan’s free hand in surprise at the feeling, so that quelled your worries that people would be able to just hear it.

In the car ride on the way to Jeonghan’s seminar he showed you all of the settings of the vibrator. A few weird pulsing ones versus the three normal settings on any vibrater that was just increased in speeds. The highest vibration was a bit more than you were used to. You had to grab the car handle when he put it on it your face turning bright red, as you willed yourself not to really react. To practice,

Jeonghan had just laughed at you and switched off the toy.

“You know what to do if it’s too much?” He asked you, as if it were day one. You rolled your eyes.

“I’m supposed to just endure it and say nothing right?” You asked him. The toy buzzed to the highest setting in a blink of an eye. You yelped, tossing your hand over your mouth, your eyes screwing shut. “I’ll safe word if it’s too much. I’ll safe word.”

The toy died again, and you were suddenly able to breath. When you looked over at Jeonghan he was smiling.

“I think today is going to be a lot of fun.”

You were a bit excited about this seminar. Not because you wanted to sit through a seminar but because you thought maybe it would give some insight into Jeonghan’s major. Unfortunately, you were pretty sure that Jeonghan’s major had nothing to do with the history of South Korea and peaceful protests.

You toyed with the pamphlet that Jeonghan had given you, not reading it, but also not quite not reading it. Your eyes grazed over the letters, your whole body prepared for the vibrator in you to buzz to life at any moment.

Jeonghan seemed to know a lot of students here. You were surprised by the amount of them that just seemed… Well, professional you guessed. They were all dressed up with slacks and button-ups, but if you squinted you were pretty sure you had seen at least one of them doing a keg stand at one of the Alpha Mu parties.

“I can’t believe we have to do this class,” one of them grumbled with a roll of his eyes. He glanced at you from over Jeonghan’s shoulder. “At least some babes showed up.”

You didn’t have to see Jeonghan’s face to know that he sent the guy a glare. Only had to see the fear that crossed the guys eyes when he looked back at Jeonghan.

“That’s my girlfriend.”

The guy swallowed so hard his adams apple bobbed.

“She’s really pretty.”

He didn’t try to introduce himself to you, in fact for the rest of the seminar he did anything but look in your direction. Other than that guy, Jeonghan was excited to introduce you to people. As you two took your seats, far in the back, Jeonghan introduced you to just about everyone he passed.

“Yes, this is my girlfriend. Isn’t she perfect?”

You smiled, and laughed like a trophy wife would, secretly anticipating the buzz of the toy inside of you, but luckily you survived all the introductions. In fact, it was halfway through the seminar when, you were comfortable that the toy all of a sudden buzzed to life.

Your fingers crinkled the pamphlet in your hand, but Jeonghan, the masochist didn’t look at you at all. In fact, it was as if he hadn’t turned it on at all.

Well, fine, if he was going to be like that, you were going to be too.

You were determined to be good. You were determined not to let this affect you. You focused back in on the seminar, trying really hard to hear about the testimonies of some of the students but just as you were settled in, just as you were really focused back in the setting went up.

This time your hands balled on your thighs, and you had to focus on your breathing. Making sure that it stayed the same as it usually did even though… You couldn’t really remember what your breathing was normally like.

Jeonghan still wasn’t acknowledging you, so you were still doing your best to keep quiet too. You weren’t doing a very good job of acting completely unaffected. Your knees were squeezed tight together, your lips pressed, your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to situate yourself in the seat in a way that would make the vibrations less distracting.

The buzzing went up to the highest seating.

You let out a small gasp, making someone in front of you turn around and look at you. You gave them a smile and held up your phone as if you had just dropped it or something, until they turned around. Once they weren’t looking at you again, you dropped your phone into your lap and gripped at the arm rests, taking in big breaths as you felt the vibrations warming your body.

You could feel the warmth creeping up your neck as pleasure coiled in your stomach, an orgasm quickly approaching. You shifted, now subconsciously chasing the release that you knew was coming, and then just as you were about to get it- The vibrations completely stopped.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, feeling like you could cry, but remembering to keep it to yourself because you were in public.

You realized suddenly that your body was shaking, so you didn’t loosen your grip on the arm rests until it was down, and you were feeling less in pain for having your orgasm ripped away from you.

Once you had relaxed Jeonghan reached his hand over to you, placing it on your thigh, but closer to your knee then where you really wanted it. He leaned over, his lips brushing your ear.

“Good girl,” he praised softly. He played with you like that for the rest of the seminar. Everytime that you thought that you were safe the vibrations would start. They started off small, barely there, growing until you were so close to an orgasm that you could practically touch it, only for Jeonghan to rip it away from you just before you came.

Your frustration was palpable. You dropped your head on his shoulder, wrapping your fingers around his upper arm. You wanted so badly to come. You wanted so badly for this torture to end, but the day was just starting… And the excitement towards your reward for enduring it all was much to intriguing for you to possibly safe word and get out of this.

You didn’t even notice when the seminar let out, only knowing that it was time to go because people around you were starting to move. You didn’t feel Jeonghan moving so you didn’t either, and the cruel bastard turned on the low vibrations. You barely muffled a moan into his shoulder, fighting hard to keep quiet and hide how good it felt, but not being completely able to.

“Jeonghan? Hey! I didn’t even notice you,” a man said excitedly. Jeonghan shifted, forcing you to look up at the guy. You gave him a friendly smile, hoping that your red face wasn’t that off-putting.

“Hey! Oh, y/n this is Jae. Jae, this is my girlfriend y/n.”

The bastard.

“Hi Jae,” you said friendly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

He held out his hand to you, and you hesitated, glancing at Jeonghan before you took it. Jae laughed.

“You afraid to take another man’s hand without permission?”

The question annoyed you. The way he said it. You weren’t afraid to take his hand without permission. You were afraid that Jeonghan was going to turn up the vibrations the second that you took Jae’s hand. You gave Jae an unamused look.

“No,” was all you said and you stared at him until he dropped his hand and his cheeks dusted pink in embarrassment at what he had said. Jeonghan’s hand came to the back of your neck and rubbed a small circle there before falling into a small conversation with Jae about some class they were in together.

You were able to gather that they were the same major, but before you could figure out what exactly that major was the vibrations turned up. You stumbled slightly, your hand darting to Jeonghan’s wrist. You wrapped your fingers tightly around it, but managed to smile at Jae like nothing was wrong.

You thought you were doing a good job of pretend like you were paying attention to the conversation, but it was distracting as more and more people walked up.

“Hi, Jared, this is my girlfriend, y/n,” Jeonghan introduced. You smiled at him, taking his hand.

“Nice to me-” The vibrations switched up as you two shook hands and your grip on him tightened, your voice cracking. “-et you.”

Jared laughed as you two released your hands.

“You’ve got a strong handshake,” he said with a laugh. You forced a smile.

“I think that’s one of my best qualities.”

You weren’t too distracted to send a glare at Jae.

As the conversation turned away from you Jeonghan changed the vibration settings, off of the straight ones to one that buzzed twice rapidly, paused, and then let out a small long vibration before starting all over again.

You thought it was crueler than the other settings. You weren’t able to get comfortable at all with this one. You were constantly on edge. Constantly squeezing the life out of Jeonghan’s arm. You kept thinking that his conversation was going to end. Hoping really that the torture would cease with every lull in conversation.

But it just kept going.

You tugged at Jeonghan’s arm as pleasure coiled in your stomach. Fuck you couldn’t do this. You weren’t going to be able to just stand here for another five- Even one minute. If he kept this up you were going to come in front of all these people and it was going to be so unsatisfying and you needed to be fucked right now.

You tugged sharply at Jeonghan’s arm clearing your throat a little.

“Jeonghan,” you mumbled. He ignored you. You tugged at him again. “Jeonghan.” Your tone made him realize that you were a bit urgent. He looked down at you, a small smile when he saw the state you were in. “I’m hungry. Can we go?”

You thought that Jeonghan was going to be so sadistic as to make you beg for it in front of all his classmates, but he wasn’t.

“Of course, we can babe,” he promised you softly. You forced yourself to stay calm. Forced yourself not to react to strongly when he leaned down and gave you a soft kiss. You barely registered his goodbye’s to his classmates, instead you dragged him to the top floor, into the nearest family bathroom, locking the door behind you two.

“Please, please, please.” You begged thoughtlessly. Your fingers coming to his pants, and pulling out his cock. “N-Need some relief Jeonghan, need your cock, please, please, please.”

His cock was rock hard when you tugged it out of his pants, just confirmation that he had been enjoying your games the whole seminar. You were hoping that he was as desperate as you were. Thinking that surely his self-control wasn’t so good that he didn’t want to fuck you.

“Pl-Please fuck me Jeonghan,” you begged him softly, you tugged at his cock, your thumb teasing his tip, trying to entice him. He watched you silently, his face showing no indication of his thoughts.

“Turn around. Hands on the wall.”

Your hand left his cock so fast that you almost gave yourself whiplash. You shoved your hands against the wall, and stuck your ass out as Jeonghan pulled down your pants, peeling your soaked panties down to your ankles, and then slowly, teasingly easing the toy out of you.

Your pussy gaped, clenching on air at the last of the toy, and your soft moans turned into sobs of relief at the release of the vibrations. Only moments later Jeonghan’s hands were tightly gripping your hips, and the tip of his dick was sliding between your folds gathering wetness.

“Did you enjoy being played with during the seminar?” Jeonghan asked you teasingly. You whined, letting your forehead hit the wall. “You did a good job of pretending to be unaffected.”

Jeonghan’s cock slipped inside of you, and he bottomed out in you in an instant.

“God your pussy is just sucking me in,” he groaned. He pulled out slowly and then thrust back in hard. “You can’t get enough of my cock can you?”

“I can’t,” you openly sobbed. “I just needed you so badly… Your cock feels so much better than that stupid toy. I wanted to come so many times…”

You were being shameless, but you could tell by the squeeze of Jeonghan’s hands on your hips that he didn’t care. He wasn’t playing with your clit, or touching you in any other way than just to fuck you. His cock making squelching sounds because of how wet you were from the toy.

Without warning Jeonghan was coming inside of you, filling you up inside, and then pulling his cock so that just his tip was inside of you so that he could fill you up completely. You expected him to start playing with your clit now, or to start fucking you again, but instead he slipped his cock from you, immediately pushing his cum securely inside of you with that stupid toy.

You turned around, your eyes wide, your cheeks tear stained.

“J-Jeonghan,” you begged quietly. “B-But I-I-“

“I am not done playing with you,” Jeonghan said, grabbing you sternly by your chin. “This is a punishment remember? You don’t get to decide when it’s over.”

The unless you really need out, hung in the air, hidden behind his eyes. You knew you had an out. An easy out. There would be no shame in safe wording right now and getting to come. Your eyes fluttered shut and you groaned, letting your head fall into Jeonghan’s chest.

“Yes sir,” you mumbled. Jeonghan’s fingers threaded into your hair and he forced you to look up at him.

“What do you say?” He asked you. “I filled your needy cunt with cum and yet I’ve gotten nothing for it.”

You pouted just slightly.

“Thank you Jeonghan,” you said softly. Jeonghan smiled and patted your cheek consdescendingly.

“I shouldn’t have to teach you basic manners.”

He slapped your ass causing you to yelp.

“Now come on, I have to go meet up with my study partner.”

You partly understood why he had wanted you to come with him to see this particular study partner. The one he had mentioned before. You could recognize the scent of her perfume from his collar. She was practically shoving her breasts into his chest, hugging him excitedly when she saw him.

He looked uncomfortable.

You pushed between the two, giving her a smile.

“Hi. I’m Jeonghan’s girlfriend,” you said, your tone short. “How long is this going to take you exactly?

She hated you. She kept sending you glares, as you physically got inbetween them every time that the two got too close. You could feel Jeonghan’s relief everytime you separated them, but it didn’t stop Jeonghan from causing you torture. As they settled into the project the vibrations started all over again. Different then what it had been before. Just short bursts of vibrations in successions. Your fingers balled on the table, your breaths coming in shorter pants.

If his stupid partner thought it was odd, she didn’t say anything.

You wiggled in your chair, once again finding purchase in Jeonghan’s shoulder, unfortunately making it easier for him to figure out when you were about to come.

Always bringing you right up to the edge. And always ripping the orgasm right away from you. It was hell. Pure hell.

And with the cum inside of you, dribbling out around the toy everyonce in a while it just made the feeling that much more overwhelming.

But at least once he finished his project it would be over. Again you dragged him into the bathroom. Again you begged for him to fuck you, and he did. Right over the (thankfully) clean sink so that you were desperately gripping at the ceramic, trying to keep yourself steady.

Another full load of cum, and another securing of the toy immediately after.

Jeonghan kissed you patiently as he waited for your tears to stop rolling down your cheeks, his fingers threading soothingly through your hair.

“You’re so good for me,” he praised lightly. “You’re enduring so well.”

“We’re going home now?” You asked him softly. Another soft kiss to your cheek.

“We have to go catch some food with one of my classmates.”

You really heavily considered safe wording, but the anticipation of how good your orgasm was going to feel after all this teasing, once you had done good for him…

“Okay,” you said softly.

“What do you say?”

“Thank you Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan gave you a small pat to your head.

“That’s my good girl.”

The last and final part of Pathetic << linked right there

---

JEONGHAN APRIL SHOWER, FOLLOW TO SEOUL 2023

spidey boy ; 이민형

pairing spiderman!mark x female!reader

synopsis mark has tried to hide his secret identity from you for as long as possible, to keep you safe, of course. little does he know that you’ve untangled his web of lies long ago and will do anything in your power to get him to admit it. just when you've had enough of him lying to you, he ends up getting caught in the act trying to save your life.

genre established relationship, fighting (if you squint), lots of fluff, slight violence and cat-calling, slightly suggestive, mark calls reader “my girl” and “pretty girl”.

wc 2.9k

“do you think that spiderman guy is actually as good as everyone says he is?” you ask mark, who lay peacefully in your lap as your fingers ran through his hair.

you two had been hanging out after school, as you usually do, watching random channels while you both indulged in each other's day. however, you had articulated this hangout the night prior.

a few days ago, you had aimlessly been searching through mark’s backpack in hopes of finding your calculus notes, which you had so graciously let him borrow, only to stumble upon a very familiar red and black mask balled up in the bottom.

at first, you thought mark had hit peak fangirl. he was obsessed with the superhero after all, completely drawn to the tv or newspaper whenever spiderman was mentioned, but so was every other human being in your city.

so when you began noticing how mark’s late-night appearances and “fashionably late” activities began lining up with the famous building-swinging superhero, your mind put the pieces together.

you tried to understand his point of view and why he wouldn’t reveal this very key detail about himself. it hurt you, though, feeling as though there was something in you that made him not feel comfortable enough to expose himself to you.

so, you compiled a plan to get the truth out of him organically, or as organically as this could be.

“wha… what do you mean?” your boyfriend’s head quickly snapped up, turning on his palm to face you with a questionable look knitted into his features.

a smile teasingly pulled on your lips, knowing you had hit a sore spot in his ego. how couldn’t he be proud of himself? after all, he was known as the hero of your city.

“i don’t know,” you continued, leaning back against the couch, watching your boyfriend swing from building to building on the screen in front of your bodies. “he just seems too full of himself, like cool you can swing from buildings and hang upside down, but we have police and firefighters for a reason!”

it took everything in you to not break character, slowly watching mark’s face grow red at your painful statements. he just looked at you, eyes blown wide and brows pulled so close together that you were certain he could get stuck like that.

with a small giggle, you reached out, brushing your thumb between the crease in his brows and bringing it down to caress his cheek.

“what’s with the face, baby? don’t tell me you're obsessed with him too.” his face slowly relaxed as your soft hand held his face, but his brain was still scrambling with your previous statements.

how could you find him not absolutely amazing? he could swing from buildings and hang upside down!

“you don’t think he’s cool? not even a little bit?” mark’s eyes followed yours to the screen. spiderman now being shown saving an older woman from getting mugged.

“i think he’s cool, i guess.” you looked back at your boyfriend only to find his eyes already on your face, his previous expression appearing again. “babe, you can’t be serious.” mark leaned back, feeling completely bewildered by your nonchalant attitude towards his heroic duties.

“it’s not that big of a deal."it’s not like you’re spiderman, so why should it matter if i like him or not?” you titled your head away from the screen to watch his eyes grow wide, and you could audibly hear his breath hitch.

“but…” he quickly let out before catching himself, looking at the tv to see his segment disappear. “but what?” you teased, beginning to feel bad for your ministrations.

he looked back at your face, sighing heavily. “nothing, just like the guy a bit," he said before lying back in your lap to hide his face from you.

this was going to be a lot harder than you thought.

“hey baby~” mark cooed as he stepped into your apartment, takeout bags in hand. you quickly sprung up from your spot at the counter, running to hug your boyfriend after not seeing him for awhile.

after your first attempt to disclose his true identity was unsuccessful, you held off from bringing up the topic for awhile.

but you had finally decided to take a different approach this time.

“i missed you, pretty girl.” the nickname made your cheeks heat up as his cold hands held your face in front of his. he inspected you lovingly, relishing in the fact that he could finally hold you without school being in the way.

“missed you too," you replied before kissing him softly. mark dropped the plastic bag on the counter beside him, pulling you firmly against him. his lips were almost enough to make you forget about your plan.

almost.

“god, i’m hungry.” you pulled away, making him laugh at your cute antics, and he joined you on your couch to eat. as you sat, you pulled off your (mark’s) sweatshirt to reveal the key details of your plan.

mark quickly noticed the black spiderman logo displayed across your chest, at a loss for how quickly your opinion of him changed. “you like?” you asked, flaunting the red baby tee you had bought earlier that day.

“i- i thought you thought spiderman was stupid." he nearly choked on his food, trying not to blush at the image of his girl repping him like this.

“i never said he was stupid, mark. i just thought he was overhyped, but i now understand where all the love is coming from.” you looked down, ogling at your new shirt, sure of its effect on your boyfriend.

“oh…” he tried to fight the grin, trying to cover his lips, but couldn’t contain his relief. “glad you finally came around, baby.” he smiled before shoving his face with more food.

“you’re not jealous?” you asked, beginning to take on step two of your plan. “he is a guy, after all.”

this made mark actually choke on his food. “what? why would i be jealous about that?"

“i mean, your girlfriend wearing a shirt for some muscular superhero who is most definitely sickly hot under that skin tight suit he wears while saving lives." you went on swirling your fork in your food, looking up every so often to see mark’s cheeks darken at the compliments.

he held his head down, but not enough for his flushed ears and cheeks to go unoticed. “why are you so red, baby? i still like you more, you know; spiderman can’t take you away from me.” you reached over and combed your fingers through his hair to feign worry.

“that is, unless he happens to swing by and sweep me up with his insane muscles.” you winked, making your boyfriend turn into a tomato.

“yeah, you wish he would do that.” mark  joked, trying to deflate his growing pride, which you continued to boost.

“what? are you saying i’m not worthy of spiderman’s fantastic biceps picking me up and swinging me through the night sky?” mark looked at you quizzically.

you couldn’t be serious, could you?

mark discarded his food, crawling over to trap you beneath his body. "fantastic, you say... and what are these?” he made reference to his own muscular arms peeking through his fitted white tee.

"marvelous," you replied, sliding your fingers softly over your boyfriend's muscles. how lovely it was that you didn’t have to dream of spiderman’s biceps as they sat right in front of you.

“better than fantastic in my book.” mark smiled before catching your lips in his.

your spiderman shirt was soon discarded in that moment but continued to linger in mark’s head days later.

“i’m just gonna go grab a few things. i promise i won’t be long.” you stood in your doorway, attempting to run to the store to get a few things before it got too late.

mark hated this.

“why cant i just go get it or go with you?” mark wrapped his arms around you from behind, making it increasingly difficult to slide on your shoes. he kissed you all over your neck and face, held your hand, pulled at your jacket sleeves, and even attempted to block the door entirely to try and get you to stay, but you were as determined as you ever were.

“i’m a grown woman, mark. i can run down the block by myself.” you turned around in his arms, reaching for your keychain next to his head on the wall, hanging by a hook.

“it’s dangerous out there. wouldn’t want my pretty girl getting hurt.” he slouched against the wall, still holding onto your hand as your whole body nearly made it out the door.

“good thing spiderman will be there to save me from any danger.” you teased him before slamming the door in his face, preventing him from getting anymore words out. not that he could form any from your statement anyway.

as you made your way through the isles of the tiny convenience store down the block from your place, you began to notice a dark figure popping into your vision.

a man decked out in all black and wearing a dark baseball cap pulled down just enough to hide his eyes followed your trail through the store.

he just coincidentally needs the same things, plus it’s freezing outside. that’s why he’s covered up so much, you thought. you can't say much about covering up with your giant black puffer jacket nearly swallowing you whole.

as your shopping trip continued, you couldn’t help but notice the figure not picking up a single item they inspected.

how weird, you thought.

“have a nice night!” the sweet cashier bid you goodbye before you quickly made your way out of the store.

as you exited the glass doors, the figure from earlier greeted you outside. your steps increased in speed as you noticed the figure continuing to follow your path.

you: mark could you meet me outside

you: creepy dude won’t stop following me

you: dude answer the phone

you: mark come on this is serious

you huffed, knowing the figure was still following you from a distance and aggravated by mark ignoring your texts.

“what’s a pretty girl like you doing out here alone at night?” the figure spoke from your side, somehow managing to come up beside you without you noticing.

you stayed silent, pretending to be interested in the cement beneath your feet.

“hey! i’m talking to you!” the voice barked, noticeably irritated by your lack of interest. “i asked you a question, bitch!” a hand grabbed your wrist tightly, stopping you in your tracks.

thinking it was the figure, your body froze seeing spiderman right in front of you. stumbling back, you watched your hero step in and fight off the creepy man, knocking him over before webbing him to the alley wall ahead.

“try and speak to her again, and you’ll get much worse than a few webs on you.” the familiar voice of your boyfriend came out deep and threatening, making your breath hitch. you had never heard him speak like that.

while the bum continued to try and yell through the webs plastered over his mouth, spiderman turned to check on you.

“everything all right? he didn’t touch you or hurt you, babe- i mean, mam?” the fumbling of words made you laugh slightly, knowing the dork under the mask.

“i’m all right, thanks to you, spiderman.” you swooned, so caught up with the fact that your own boyfriend was spiderman and that he had practically beaten and webbed a man to a wall for you.

“what could i ever do to repay you?” you asked, trying not to trip over your own feet at the way the suit hugged mark’s muscle so well. more than any t-shirt ever could.

“just doing my job, as always.” spiderman leaned his body against the wall smoothly, resting his head against his fist. you two stood there in a few seconds of silence, both not knowing what to do.

“you better get headed home; it’s getting late.” he coughed, finally breaking out of his daze.

“no swinging around the city for me?” you asked, pretty disappointed that your boyfriend was about to make you walk home alone. “no can do, web swinging with lovely ladies is a daytime activity only; i wouldn’t want anyone to miss it.” he pulled his body from the wall, shooting up a web to hang from a sign above your heads.

“what a shame. guess you’ll just have to give me a show of the city another day," you replied, watching as mark swung his legs over the sign to hang upside down effortlessly.

definitely trying to impress me, you thought.

“i can see what i can do.” he crossed his arms over his chest before you stepped forward on your tiptoes, placing your hand on his cheek, making him short circuit.

“thanks again, spiderman.” you spoke, leaning into him to place a quick kiss on his mask-covered cheek.

“of-of course. any day, mam,” his voice cracked at your actions, making you laugh as you turned away to walk home.

mark hung in bliss before realizing he was supposed to be at your place, not saving your life in a spidey suit.

you rushed through the door, dropping your bag on the ground and making a beeline to your room. the only place with a window mark could slide through without getting caught.

you swung open your door to reveal a maskless spiderman half way through your bedroom window, eyes wide, body frozen.

you froze in shock, almost surprised that your plan had finally worked. "gotcha," you smiled, leaning against your door frame satisfied.

“uh…” mark scrambled, attempting to put his mask back on as if it would make you forget seeing his face entirely. as he tripped and tumbled around your room, you slowly made you way behind him.

“mark,” you began, attempting to get him to calm down. “baby,” you turned him slowly as he finally got his mask back on. “mark? who’s mark? that your boyfriend or something?” he attempted to deepen his voice to throw you off.

he realized this was unsurprisingly unsuccessful, noticing the smirk that continued to show on your face. “you know him, don’t you, spiderman? he’s the boy who just kicked ass and saved my life less than ten minutes ago.” you said, gently pulling off his mask to reveal your boyfriend’s face.

he stared at you, not knowing how you felt. “look, i can explain this all,” he nervously let out as he looked anywhere but your eyes.

before he could explain, you kissed him softly, wanting to ease his worry and express your gratitude. he saved your life after all, and not just by being spiderman.

“i’m not mad, not at all.” you looked into his eyes, noticing how at ease he seemed to be at the relief of your words.

“i’m so sorry i didn’t tell you sooner. i was so scared you would want to be with me or be scared of me,” he ranted, trying to make you see his side in case you had lied and were even the littlest bit mad at him. he hated when you were mad at him more than anything.

“why would i not want to be with you? i love you, mark, so much, it’s crazy.” you pulled his face into your hands in disbelief at his words. “and plus, how could i be scared of such a handsome, strong, crime-fighting superhero who so happens to double as my boyfriend. if anything, people should fear me,” you joked, ripping a laugh from his lips.

“how long have you known?” he asked, pulling you closer by your waist. biting your lip, you looked down, trying to hold back your laugh. “remember when you borrowed my notes for class and forgot to give them back?"

you didn’t even have to finish, seeing the realization wash over his face as the words fell from your lips.

“yeah, maybe putting your suit in your backpack wasn’t the best place.” you both laughed at the situation at hand; mark was completely dumbfounded.

“so that’s why you talked such shit about me and bought that stupid shirt!” he continued to put together the pieces, gripping your waist tighter as he laughed at his own stupidity.

"ding, ding, ding!” you replied, pulling away slightly to take in his whole look, still not being used to see him like this up close. “yeah, definitely need to see you in this more often now."

mark flushed, turning into putty in your presence. your eyes traveled all over the intricate details and meshing of the suit. how it hugged his body and made him look completely unreal.

“do a little spin for me, doll.” you teased, wanting to ease up all the pent-up emotions still hanging in the air. mark giggled at your stupid comment but did as you asked nonetheless, turning slowly for you.

turning completely to the back, not a second went by before mark felt a harsh slap on his skin. “fuck baby! what was that for?” he whined, reaching down to rub the irritated spot.

"sorry, i couldn’t help myself when you have an ass like that, mark lee.” you smiled at his pained expression, putting your arms back to lean against your vanity, still ogling at your boyfriend’s physique.

“guess i really do need to wear this more around you.” he placed his hands on either side of you, trapping you beneath him.

“maybe the story time can wait till later.” you breathed before his lips pressed themselves to yours.

“i love you so much, my girl."

“i love you too, spidey boy.”

now you had mark completely to yourself, spiderman and all with no secrets left to hide.

© martiniblues | do not copy or translate my work!

note | more spider!mark WHAT CAN I SAYYY WHAT CAN I SAYYY. he’s literally my fav mark to write ever like pleaseee get him as the korean peter parker asap!!! anyways, hope you loved this and my request box is always open <333

𝑆𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑝𝑠 𝐹𝑖𝑐 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑠

♡ Fluff || ୨୧ Angst || ★ Smut || ꗃ SMAU || ⌗ Series || ✿ Drabble || ♤ Mature (No smut) || ✹ Humor

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Tomorrow tonight ୨୧♤♡ -> @cheolbooluvr

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Push it down (Sooner or later it all comes out) ♡★⌗✹ -> @dontflailmenow

summary: thirsting over your ex’s best friend in general is a bad idea. given that you and seungcheol have never gotten along, it’s even worse. when you accidentally stumble across his stream, though, and he finds out? all bets are off.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ After Class ★⌗-> @rubyreduji Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4

summary: Professor Choi makes sure to always take care of your needs after class.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Down bad (so so bad) ♡★ -> @lovelyhan

summary: it’s not like you’re curious about how the word would taste in your mouth whenever seungcheol calls himself daddy while talking to kkuma. nope. definitely not. 

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Wedding night ♡★ -> @onlyhuis

Synopsis: seungcheol just wants to treat his wife right on their first night together as husband and wife.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Bite that lip ♡୨୧★ -> @beahae

Summary: Seungcheol knows you're really close with his whole friend group. But now that things have... quietly been developing between the two of you, he would love it if you'd cool it with the heavy flirting with the other guys.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Amortentia ♡୨୧ -> @http-mianhae

DESCRIPTION ᝰ Being head-over-heels for the Gryffindor captain is harder than it seems, especially when everyone knows about your little crush on Seungcheol and he takes it lightly. Until when you’re partnered up and forced to be in each other’s lives on a daily basis, that’s when things take a bit of a turn

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ BIG COCK: for dummies ♡★ -> @ncteez

summary: the one where you find out that your boyfriend has a huge cock and you’re not entirely sure if you can take all of it. 

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ She's in the rain ୨୧ -> @onlymingyus

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Crossing Boundaries ♡★ -> @wonusite

summary: ❝ Seungcheol has always demanded that all of his employees keep professional boundaries, but it frustrates him that his son’s nanny is a little too good at keeping things professional. ❞

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Driving me crazy ★-> @1-800-hwahui

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ laundry and jiu jitjsu ♡✹ -> @cheolism

summary: after seungcheol leaves the laundry unfolded on your bed before going to his jiu jitsu lesons, you decide to take action.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Terrifyingly innocent ♡୨୧★ -> @twogyuu

Synopsis: Fearful of losing her, yet unwilling to leave; this agreement between Seungcheol and his best friend’s little sister was meant to be casual and temporary, yet he finds himself growing more attached to her day by day.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ inflection point ♡୨୧★ -> @lovelyhan

summary: you love yoon jeonghan. no, scratch that. you fucking adore yoon jeonghan; so much that the moment he asks you to be in an exclusive set-up with his current partner, you accept the offer in a heartbeat. what you fail to consider, however, is who your boss’ boyfriend actually is.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Hello tutorial ♡♤✹ -> @97-liners

it’s your final year of college, and you’ve been elected president of your sorority. this is all great and fine, but as the semester goes on, you find yourself having repeated run-ins with the president of the fraternity next door in a series of unfortunate coincidences (that might not actually be coincidences, as you come to discover).

or

in which you’re trying to deal with your crush on seungcheol in a normal way, but the meddling kids are making it harder than it needs to be.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Found you ୨୧♡ -> @thedensworld

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ In the eye of the beholder ୨୧♡★ -> @cheolism

summary: when you don't like how you look in the mirror, your boyfriend decides to take it upon himself to worship you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Frozen cold proposal ♡ -> @cheolism

summary: seungcheol is stubborn and decides to try and make soup over the fire. you stumble upon a surprise in his pockets when trying to huddle against him for warmth.

[ More Scoups fic recs will be updated ]

Want more Seventeen fic recs? -> Click here

Seventeen's vocal unit with a chubby s/o

Pairing: svt vocal unit x gn! reader Genre: headcanon, fluff, hurt/ comfort Word count: approx. 2200 words Warnings: body image issues A/n: ahem, the brain rot is real.  Other units: hip hop unit | performance unit

😇 Jeonghan

You are his doljjongie 2 rock. Jeonghan knows that no matter what, he can always rely on you. 

He’s strong alone but he becomes even stronger now that he is with you. 

He loves how attentive you are to him and how observant you are. He gets tired/ sick/ injured easily. Somehow you always know when that happens because you are always ready with medication/ ointments/ bandages. 

We all know he loves to cling onto his emotional support sword and hammer. Well, you serve as his emotional support, portable human! Jeonghan loves to hold onto your forearms and hands. You’re just so soft and squishy. He can always be found kneading your skin gently. It’s calming, like playing with slime! And sometimes, he just clings to your arms, content with the physical contact. 

He actually loves how he always manages to fall in love with you again and again every time you remind him that you are caring for him out of love, and not simply out of duty as his partner. You remind him he is not a burden, and never will be one. 

In return, Jeonghan really is your angel. He just adores you in your entirety. 

Partner privilege is always so real with him. Whatever you want you will get. Plus, you are spared from most of his teasing. He does love to tease you, but more about mundane everyday things like how you “forgot to kiss him again”, or “you missed a spot on my lips”. He is extremely careful with his teasing. Definitely avoids teasing you with anything remotely related to your insecurities. 

Aside from physical touch, Jeonghan’s other love language is quality time. He just loves to spend time with you. He always makes time for you regardless of how busy he is. He’s just a phone call or text away. 

Jeonghan is also extremely observant, meaning that when you start to get insecure about your size, he knows. He will drop everything to attend to you. What do you mean go spend time at practice with the members? You are his priority. Like an angel, he will show up whenever you need him to lift your spirits. 

Definitely gives you so much love you are practically drowning in it. 

BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Your soft forearms! He actually prefers to cling to your forearms than your hands. He finds that it draws the two of you closer together! 

🦌 Joshua

You are like a magnet. It never fails to amaze Joshua at how you always manage to draw him in. He is thoroughly enamoured with you.

There’s something about your energy, your personality, your adorable appearance, your beauty, your brightness, your strength, your intellect, basically just YOU, that makes him fall hard for you. 

He might be the gentleman of seventeen, but the way you treat him? Please he swoons at the thought. 

You open the doors for him. You watch out for him when you are crossing the road. You grab his hands to pull him towards you in a crowd so he doesn’t get lost. You help him reach for things. Basically everything he does for the members, you do for him. 

You also never fail to draw him into your arms and pull him into some of the warmest (softest) hugs he has ever gotten. You would gently rub his back and squeeze him really tightly. Your body temperature naturally runs warmer and it’s just so comforting for him to bask in the warmth of your embrace. 

In return, he is your anchor. Joshua helps to ground you. His love language includes acts of service. 

Whenever you feel like you are floating away on the ride that is your emotions and insecurities, he pulls you back down. 

He can always see it in your eyes even if you try to hide it from him. It’s the emptiness and hopelessness in them. 

Joshua would pamper you so much when that happens. Imagine a bubble bath, scented candles, all your favourite comfort foods and tv shows. He knows that sometimes it’s hard for you to let go of these insecurities. But he hopes that his actions would at least help you to calm down and relax. He’s usually right in this regard. 

Of course, if there are occasions when you float away too much, Joshua is always ready to shower you with words of affirmation. He would hold you and whisper sweet nothings to you. It’s not just empty words to make you feel better. Whatever he describes to you about what he loves about you, you can be 100% sure that he means every single word of it. 

BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Your nape. He loves to rest his head there when you hug him. He also loves nuzzling into it but it’s ticklish for you so he tries to stop himself from doing it. Although, he fails all the time and instead lets himself enjoy your little giggles. 

🍚 Jihoon

You are his home. Jihoon swears you must have x rays built into your eyes because you are the most perceptive person ever.

What makes Jihoon adore you so much is your ability to see right through him. As an idol, he knows that there is a particular persona he has to play. It’s not just about pretending to be someone he is not, but also playing up or exaggerating certain aspects of himself that others will latch onto and love. 

With you, he doesn’t need to pretend. He doesn’t need to put on a mask around you. To you, he’s not Woozi from seventeen, Woozi the producer. He’s simply Lee Jihoon. You see him and accept him for who he is, flaws and all. 

You see the effort and sacrifices that he makes and you validate his worries and fears. He knows he can share with you things about himself without fear of judgment. 

Unlike the rest of the members, Jihoon isn’t big on physical touch. So, for him, it’s your presence that brings him comfort. He especially loves the little surprise appearances you make at his studio. When he sees you, a feeling of peace washes over him. With you, he feels at home. 

In return, Jihoon is your silent knight. The one whose actions speak more than words. It’s not that words of affirmation isn’t one of his love languages, it certainly is. The plenty of song lyrics he has written about you confirms that. But lyrics are more indirect, like an ode to you. 

When he is with you, it’s the little actions that count. Although they seem insignificant, these actions mean so much, they are done out of genuine love and appreciation for you. 

If he was doing the laundry, he would always wash your favourite clothes first, the ones that you say make you feel confident and beautiful. He would make sure your favourite snacks are always restocked. 

He knows all your mannerisms no matter how subtle. Sometimes when your feelings get too overwhelming, your body reacts first before your mind can process. When he sees this, Jihoon would rest his hand on your thighs or the small of your back. It’s his way of saying, it’s okay, you will be okay, because I am here for you.

BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? I want to say your whole body. He just loves all of you. You’re so so beautiful to him. And he treasures you being there, your presence more than anything. 

⚔️ Dokyeom

You are his night, his moon if I could put it that way. Dokyeom is literally the sun personified. He embodies all the qualities of happiness. In contrast, you help him to calm down, to rest.

You never eclipse him, and you’re always there but in the shadows. From the way that you prepare food for him, or the way that you tell him how proud you are of him. You fuel him to continue shining. 

You watch him so carefully he never has to be afraid of letting himself shine. 

Yet at the same time, on the rare occasion when he burns himself from trying to continue shining too brightly, you come in to protect him from himself. This is when you eclipse him, shielding him away from the pain of the world. 

The way you hug him makes him feel like you are protecting him. You literally draw him into your chest and mutter words of encouragement to him. 

You reassure him that it is okay to take a moment for himself, to let himself finally feel and make sense of all the emotions he has been pushing down. And when he is rested, you once again make way for the sun to come out again. 

In return, he’s your day, the light of your life. 

When you live life in the shadows, it’s natural your mind would go to a dark place sometimes. You let it wander until it eventually consumes you and you spiral. What if Dokyeom breaks up with you because you are chubby? You’re bigger than him. He’s surrounded by so many beautiful people everyday, why doesn’t he just leave you? You’re not worth the trouble. You know that Dokyeom loves you and wouldn’t break up with you over your size, but it’s the irrational fear that drives these thoughts. 

Just when you submit into the darkness, Dokyeom is that light that shines through. He breaks through the darkness and leads you towards the light. 

His love language would include quality time and physical touch. He would bring you aside to a place that you find comforting, be it a garden or somewhere in your home. He would hold you and sing softly to you until you feel better. The time you spend together helps to remind you that he is not going anywhere. 

Eventually, this ball of sunshine will smother you with cuddles and affection. His cheerful personality will always make you crack a smile (or many smiles) no matter how sad you are. 

BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? The apples of your cheeks. He loves how they stand out whenever you smile. And he especially loves how red they can get when he is showering you with compliments and affection. 

🍊 Seungkwan

You are his guardian angel. Seriously, Seungkwan cannot for the life of him figure out how you always manage to protect him without his knowledge. 

He’s so confused, appreciative and a little worried that you somehow always use your body to shield him. (You usually joke and say it is because you are softer, you can take the impact better. Yea, that does not alleviate his worries. Actually it adds onto it.)

It could be a small action, like shielding him/ using your hands to pull/ guide him away from someone who is about to bump into him.

Or it could be you pulling him to walk on the inner side of the curb on the pavement.

Other times, it’s probably you using your face body to prevent his hands from whacking the wall for the 10th time. 

He’s not clumsy, and it’s usually others who almost bump into him. Either that or it’s a situation when he is not paying attention to his surroundings when he is talking about something he enjoys. 

Seungkwan literally worships your body for that reason. You would selflessly injure yourself and use your body to protect him from any harm. Compared to his flawless skin, your skin is littered with bruises and scrapes.

Don’t worry he will fuss over you and kiss each and every one of the injuries. You always pat his head and tell him not to worry, but how could he not? 

In return, Seungkwan is your saviour because he saves you from yourself.

His love languages include words of affirmation and acts of service. 

He really does try to repay you for all that you do by bandaging your injuries and making sure that your wounds are healing properly. He tries to be more aware of his surroundings and actions. That way you won’t need to worry over him so much.

Of course he will praise you and shower you with kind words, but I feel like the majority of the time, his words of affirmation are more appreciative in nature. Like he is affirming that he is grateful for all you do. He never fails to say “thank you”, “you got hurt again because of me, I’m sorry”, “i love you but please don’t keep doing this for me”. He tries to drill it into your head that just because you think you can take the impact better, you don’t have to. 

More seriously, Seungkwan is a blunt person and won’t sugar coat his words. So, you can be sure that he will give you very real but very comforting advice when you are having bad body image days. He helps you realise that yes, you will feel like this sometimes, it is inevitable. In fact, he feels it too, but you can get through this. You always have and you always will.

BONUS: his favourite body part of yours? Again, I think it’s your whole body, but because of the way he always sees your shadow or the blurry afterimage of your body as you're raising your hand from the point of impact when his body collides with yours. He doesn’t realise you were there until the aftermath of the collision. It takes a second for that afterimage to register, then he's fussing over you.

iwaizumi hajime x f!reader, 3.3k

THEMES: seijoh 4, iwaizumi is an amazing singer (REAL), oikawa being oikawa

SUMMARY: Oikawa dares Iwaizumi to serenade his crush through karaoke. What’s he supposed to do? Get clowned and be called a coward for saying no?

A/N: when i first wrote this i had a justin bieber song in mind for no other reason than i think it would be funny to think about. it’s a silly lil fic but here she is (again)!!!!

Iwaizumi considers himself a reasonable person. Even though everyone on the Seijoh team teases him about his anger issues, most of the time he’s actually pretty calm.

Most of the time. Nobody activates his murder instinct more than Oikawa Tooru.

Sometimes, Oikawa will look at him with those beady little eyes and his stupid smirk and Iwaizumi has to fight the urge to punch him in the face.

Iwaizumi knows he should be the bigger person, he should go to his happy place or whatever and not let a demon ruin his peace of mind. Unfortunately for him, Oikawa happens to be his childhood best friend. (Trust him, if he could, he would turn back time.)

He has to see Oikawa everyday during practice, has to spend lunch with him, has to listen to him opening his big mouth about whatever it is he’s interested in that day. Okay maybe he’s being unfair— Oikawa isn’t all that bad. Just mostly.

It’s just that his best friend seems to have a knack for baiting him into doing things he most certainly does not want to do.

Nobody gets to tell Iwaizumi what to do, especially things that he doesn’t want to do. (Except maybe his mom of course, he’s not a monster). Yet every time Oikawa challenges him, opens his big mouth and almost taunts him about it, he always ends up doing it anyway and it makes Iwaizumi want to jump in the middle of oncoming traffic.

He never seems to learn however, and this time he’s afraid he can’t fix it just by outsmarting him or throwing a volleyball at his head. No, this time, Oikawa’s got him cornered.

For context, this is where Iwaizumi is coming from:

Iwaizumi was minding his business during lunch, tuning out Oikawa as he yapped on about something he couldn’t pretend to care about today, when Makki claps him on the shoulder and asks, “What about you Iwa? You in?”

He looks up from his food to find the entire table staring at him. “What?”

“Karaoke after practice tomorrow? Mattsun found a new one round the corner.”

“So I can listen to Shittykawa’s screeching? No thanks.”

“Hmph!” The setter indignantly huffs, tossing a used tissue at him which he swiftly dodges.

“I’m gonna invite some people from my class.” Makki says.

“And I should care because?”

“You should care because she’s in my class.”

Iwaizumi flushes bright red at the mere mention of you. A fact that doesn’t go unnoticed by Oikawa.

“You still haven’t asked her out on a date?” Oikawa asks, brow raised.

“No, and it’s none of your business Shittykawa.”

“Don’t you want her to be your girlfriend?”

His girlfriend. Even the thought of it is sending a tingling feeling in his spine.

“Dude, you’re so whipped.” Mattsun retorts, snorting at the look on his face.

“I just… I don’t know how to do it.” Iwaizumi mumbles. “I’m not good with feelings and shit.”

“Well, for starters maybe try asking her out.” Oikawa suggests.

“I don’t even know if she likes me.” Iwaizumi sighs, hating that he has to explain this.

“I think she does.” Mattsun pipes in. “She has heart eyes everytime you talk to her, and I’ve never seen a girl be more affectionate than Oikawa’s fangirls.”

“She’s affectionate with everyone, she’s just nice like that.” Iwaizumi reasons. He’s seen you with other people and you’re just as friendly with everyone else— he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. “Plus, if she liked me, wouldn’t she have said something by now? I’ve dropped enough hints.”

Makki slaps the back of his head. “Idiot, you’re supposed to be making the move.”

“Isn’t it worth asking her? Maybe she’s been waiting for you to ask her all this time and you’re here waiting for her to make the move.” Mattsun says.

“Iwa-chan, if I may-”

“You may not.”

Oikawa pouts. “If you ask her, you could be dating by now.”

Iwaizumi huffs. Easy for him to say, girls confess to him everyday that he’s probably desensitized to it all. Isn’t it much easier to be confident about your feelings when you know the person reciprocates them?

“How about you serenade her at karaoke?” Makki suggests, half a sandwich shoved in his mouth.

Oikawa lights up his suggestion and shoots him a Cheshire cat smile. Iwaizumi’s heart drops to his ass.

“You want romance? Sing her a love song as a confession.” Oikawa grins.

“Oh my god, as if I would take any advice from you.” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

“Oh my god,” this time Oikawa rolls his eyes, “all I’m hearing are excuses. Are you really that much of a coward? The Iwa-chan I know could easily sing his favourite love song to the girl he’s been crushing on forever and do it coolly.”

Iwaizumi feels a vein throbbing in his head. “You want me to serenade her in front of you guys?”

Oikawa shrugs. “Or maybe I’m wrong and you’re just lame.”

Oikawa’s words feel like a knife against his throat.

Easily sing his favourite love song. The words echo in his head. The girl he’s been crushing on forever. His fist tighten by his side. Do it coolly.

The words light a fire in his gut. Iwaizumi clears his throat, and in his most casual voice says, “I could do it.”

The three of them turn to look at him. Oikawa’s brows raise in surprise. Mattsun stops mid-air from shoving more food in his house. Makki chokes on his drink.

“Are you serious?”

“Would I say it if I wasn’t?” Iwaizumi knows he’s going to regret this. He’s already regretting it, staring at the disbelief in their eyes.

“No way,” Oikawa says, “I can’t believe you’re actually going to do it.”

Iwaizumi does not want to do it.

“I mean,” Iwaizumi takes a gulp of water, “I will totally do it if she comes. She might not even come.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that part. We’ll make sure she comes.” Oikawa grins.

Dumb and dumber share a shit-eating grin. “Yeah, don’t worry about that part Iwa. I’ll call in a favour.”

Fuck, Iwaizumi thinks. There’s no way you won’t attend now, Makki forever brags about how he helped you out in a test that one time so now you owe him.

He sighs. If he’s going to do this, he might as well do it well.

.

.

.

Iwaizumi spends the rest of the day rehearsing the stupid song. Even now, he’s at practice and he’s humming along to the rhythm in his head. His lines, the shit-eating grins that will be plastered on his friends faces, his movements.

Your reaction.

Iwaizumi watches you as you hand over your notes to Makki. Almost like you felt him watching you, you turn around and wave at him as you walk over.

“Hey!” you greet, smiling at him.

Iwaizumi thinks he could throw up right now, just at the sight of you before him. You look as pretty as ever, and here he is, a sweaty mess after spiking god knows how many balls.

“What’s up?” he greets, trying to hide just how out of breath he is.

“Tired?” you question. “You look like you’ve been practicing a lot.”

“Well, they don’t call me the ace for no reason.”

“Damn, didn’t know anyone could compete with Oikawa’s massive ego.”

“Oi, watch it.” he pretends to be offended.

“Sorry, sorry. Just never thought you of all people ever got tired.” you observe.

“I’m allowed to be tired. Babysitting Shittykawa while balancing school and volleyball is a full time job.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but exam season is coming up. You might not want to spread yourself too thin.”

“Well, if there’s a vacancy for a babysitting gig- you interested?” Iwaizumi asks, grinning at you as you roll your eyes.

“No thanks, my plate is full enough as it is.” you wrinkle your nose at the suggestion. He thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

Funnily enough, making fun of Oikawa is how the two of you met. Makki had tried to set your friend Sakura with Oikawa in first year, much to your displeasure, and the whole time you had been trying to talk her out of it, much to Iwaizumi’s pleasure.

You tried listing all the reasons why it was a bad idea, and he had no trouble joining you and adding in a few reasons of his own. Together you were the dynamic duo, on a mission to stop girls from inflating Oikawa’s ego anymore than it already was.

After that day, you had exchanged numbers and a few days later found out you were both in the student council. (Not that Iwaizumi was complaining, he was looking for an excuse to talk to you more).

Speaking of the devil, Oikawa bounds out of nowhere.

“My favourite person in the world! Are you going tomorrow?”

“If you’re there, then no.” you respond, rolling your eyes at the setter.

Oikawa huffs. “You’re just like Iwa-chan.”

Makki joins in the conversation, “Karaoke tomorrow night. You’re going because Sakura already agreed.”

“Whatever happened to freedom of choice?” you question, eyebrow raised.

“Do you think this is a democracy? I run this shit.” Makki says, puffing out his chest in a bid to look more suave.

You look at Iwaizumi. “These are your friends? Really?”

“Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.” Iwaizumi replies, sighing.

“C’mon, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Oikawa says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “There’s a performance you wouldn't want to miss.”

“Is it you?” you ask him suspiciously.

“I’m flattered you wouldn’t want to miss my singing, but unfortunately not.”

“That’s not what I meant!” you scowl, making Oikawa laugh as he walks away.

“Well I gotta get going. I’ll see you guys tomorrow, I guess.” you say, giving Iwaizumi a quick hug that makes him freeze for a few seconds, before high-fiving Makki and giving Oikawa a pointed look before you disappear through the gym doors.

It’s that small act of affection, that small moment that makes his heart skip a beat, that makes him wonder whether there is something there.

He’s half tempted to run after you and get this whole i like you do you like me situation over and done with so he can save himself the humiliation tomorrow, but his feet remain firmly planted on the ground.

Practice resumes and Iwaizumi once again gets lost in the rhythm playing through his mind.

.

.

.

Turns out, serenading his crush in front of his friends is a bigger deal than he thought.

Iwaizumi didn’t have a lot of nerves practicing last night, he’s the school’s volleyball ace for god sake, he’s used to having eyes on him— But knowing that he has to confess his feelings, something he’d rather not do, well… It's something completely different.

He feels vulnerable. He isn’t the hearts and flowers type of guy, even though he secretly wants to be. He would never admit it, but he secretly envies the easy conversation that Oikawa is able to strike up with just about anyone- he wishes he had those people skills but he just comes out as emotionally and socially constipated.

“You don’t have to go through with this.” Mattsun says, eyeing him as they reach the karaoke bar and walk up the stairs to the room where everyone is waiting for them.

“It’s a little too late now.” Iwaizumi says, forcing a smile. “I can do it.”

“You’ll be okay.” Mattsun replies, clapping him on the back for reassurance. “Plus, if she says no, I have a cousin you might be interested in.”

Iwaizumi huffs, lightly shoving his arm off him as Mattsun laughs.

“I’m just saying, you have options!”

.

.

.

“You know,” Oikawa says, “I didn’t think he’d actually do it.”

Mattsun snorts. “As if. You practically baited him into it.”

Oikawa pouts, shooting him a look. “I was just giving him good relationship advice!”

“Or, you could just say you care about Iwaizumi and want to see him happy. As much as you guys bicker, we all know how much you care about each other.”

Oikawa would deny it, but it’s no use. Not when he’s right. “Fine, I’ll admit it. It would be nice to see Iwa-chan be happy; plus it’s getting unbearable seeing the yearning in his eyes.”

Before Mattsun can respond, they hear the opening melody of a song they’ve become too familiar with for the past day and a half. Iwaizumi looks like he’s about to pass out, but to his credit remains standing.

Oikawa glances over at you, and he smiles softly at how smitten you look while looking at his best friend.

Iwaizumi clears his throat, the sound booming throughout the whole room.

“Iwa! I didn’t know you were the type to sing at karaoke.” You exclaim, giggling as you watch him fumble with the mic.

“I never really thought I’d be doing this. But someone,” Iwaizumi pointedly looks at Oikawa, “thought I would be too much of a coward to do this. And I just think it’s important to stand up to the bullies in your life.”

Oikawa’s jaw drops at his words. Mattsun and Makki are laughing so hard beside him, they starting to sound like pigs.

Oikawa is about to yell about how he did it for you, or about how his best friend is such a liar, but Iwaizumi beats him to it.

“I’m kidding.” Iwaizumi continues. “As satisfying as it is to prove people wrong, the reason I’m doing this is because there’s someone I like and I’m tired of running away from my feelings. So I’m going to sing this song to let her know.”

Your eyes go wide. Your heart is pounding so loud it might jump out of your chest.

“Who is it?” Sakura asks, giddy in her seat. She already knows the answer; there’s only two girls in the room, and she’s not on the receiving end of Iwaizumi’s googly, heart-shaped eyes. Which leaves…

Iwaizumi calls your name, bright red, “This is for you.”

“Oh my god.” Oikawa hears you mumble. But there’s nothing else you can do- you just have to listen.

Although his friends were just teasing him to try and get him to confess to you, they didn’t realise that Iwaizumi could actually sing. He was so good that they were left speechless.

Iwaizumi sings with almost enough charisma that Oikawa could fall in love with him. He sings each verse, each line, like it’s his personal truth, as if he had really written this song just for you.

It’s more romantic than any cheesy rom-com they’ve ever watched— Makki almost tears up, and Mattsun suddenly whips out his phone to record Iwaizumi singing (this is prime blackmail stuff after all).

The lyrics get a bit too specific at some parts, and in those moments Iwaizumi actually manages to look directly at you. You don’t know whether to pass out or scream.

Mattsun wonders if he should be recording you instead, how you seem to be glowing at the sight of him singing for you. But he reckons that this menory will be stored away in Iwaizumi’s head for a long time anyway.

“He’s going all out.” Oikawa whispers to Makki.

“He’s doing it to spite you.” Makki replies.

“Trust him to still get back at me while simultaneously getting the love of his life.”

Before they know it, the song ends and the cheers and hollers from the four of them fill up the room. Iwaizumi smiles and lets out a sigh of relief, the weight of the world finally falling off his shoulders.

Oikawa wants to ask what you think, but you’re already grabbing iwaizumi’s hand and dragging him out of the room.

They’re gone.

.

.

.

Iwaizumi’s sure he blacked out.

He’s sure he did well considering everyone’s cheers bursting through the room as soon as he finished, but if anyone were to ask him what happened just mere minutes ago? He wouldn’t have a clue where to begin.

He felt like a man possessed with cupid or whatever. Everything’s a blur after he made eye contact with you.

You.

You’re standing right in front of him now, in front of the karaoke bar. Your eyes are blown wide, unmistakeable. The street outside is empty.

You bite your lip, and Iwaizumi thinks this is it. The moment of truth.

“Did you like the song?” Iwaizumi asks, trying to sound casual.

“You were… amazing.” you breathe. “I didn’t know you could sing that well.”

Iwaizumi almost reaches heaven at the praise falling from your lips. He could die a happy man right now, but still, it’s not what he’s looking for. “Thanks, it was for you.”

You make a strangled noise, a mix between a scream and a loud gasp. “Iwa--”

“Listen,” Iwaizumi looks at you bravely, holding your hands in his as he stares at you earnestly, “I really like you. Always have. Would you like to go out with me?”

You stand there for what seems like hours, face growing redder by the second. “I, uh, well,I—”

Iwaizumi can’t tell if you’re trying to find a gentle way to let him down or if you’re just at a loss.

“Is that a yes or no?” Iwaizumi asks. “It’s ok if you say no, I don’t mind. Well, I would mind but it’s fine if you do—“

“No!” you blurt out, before slapping your hands across your mouth.

“Oh.” Iwaizumi says, brows raised in surprise before he almost starts to look crestfallen.

“No, that’s not what I meant!” You wave your hands in front of his face, trying to get your point across. You desperately have to fix this mess you’ve created.

“No, no, I didn’t mean no! I meant that, um-“ you stutter out.

“Be honest with me.” Iwaizumi says, trying to calm you down in your flustered state. “It’s just me.”

You seem to swallow the lump in your throat because you look up at him then, eyes shining with an unspoken feeling and Iwaizumi’s breath catches in his throat.

“I like you too, Iwa. I like you a lot.” you finally say, and his heart soars in his chest. “I was just processing what happened back there.”

Iwaizumi grins, “What, no one’s ever serenaded you before like that?”

“Of course not!” you laugh. “But then again, no one’s like you.”

“And what am I?”

“Cool. Seijoh’s volleyball ace. A great singer. Unbelievably handsome.”

Iwaizumi starts giggling at your words, unsure if this is real life. His crush actually likes him back? He feels like a child finally getting their favourite toy.

He knows he’s far from composed right now, but he could care less. Tonight, his crush is out here saying she likes him back and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t look like a lovesick fool right now. He can look cool some other time.

“Can I kiss you right now?” he asks.

You shyly nod, and Iwaizumi gently cups your cheek in his hands, leaning in.

Before he can kiss you though, he hears the last person on earth he wants to see calling his name.

“Iwa-chan!” comes Oikawa’s familiar voice.

Iwaizumi could fucking kill him right now.

“Oof, bad timing dude.” Makki says, and the setter actually looks sheepish for once.

“Sorry! We’ll wait for you guys inside.” Mattsun ushers them back in, sending Iwaizumi a wink.

Iwaizumi doesn’t even get to yell out insults, or wave goodbye to them because suddenly, your mouth is on his and his brain can’t process much more than that at the moment.

You’re kissing him. He wonders why he didn’t do this sooner.

Oikawa Tooru lives to see another day.

No one deactivates Iwaizumi’s murder instinct more than you.

---

ateez as royals who fall for you (hyung line)

genre: royalty!ateez x fem!reader, fluff, angst, smut, crack, a brainrot and smutfest of royal tropes

length: 12.8k

c/w: very nsfw scenes - mdni, explicit language (dirty talk, swearing, insults), death, violence, blood & injuries, weapons, heavy & mature themes (sex work, murder, assassination, execution, mentions of misogyny)

a/n: this has simultaneously been the pride and joy of my life and the bane of my entire existence for the last 2.5 months 🥴 and tumblr is an inept incapable CLOWN who cannot handle the full 24k worth of bullet points so here is the hyung line first - maknae line coming soon (yumi @sorryimananti-romantic can vouch for my unsuccessful 3-hour attempt at formatting them into a single post)

hongjoong

pov: you're the king's royal courtesan

“fuck,” hongjoong lets out a deep growl from within his chest as his head dips down to rest against the crook of your neck. “you’re just as tight as last time”

when your hips involuntarily buck from the pleasure, he nudges your thighs further apart and keeps your wrists pinned above your head

he can’t help but let out another groan when he feels your walls clench around his cock as you adjust to his thickness

“i thought- god,” a moan escapes you after he thrusts his hips against you, “thought you never fucked the same woman twice”

“i don’t,” he simply says

and it’s true

hongjoong is one of the youngest princes to have ruled during the kim dynasty, having risen to power after the previous king succumbed early to an unknown illness

he has the choice and selection of all the courtesans available within the palace and outside its walls

hongjoong also has a reputation of being highly sought after by everybody, not just amongst courtesans

it’s not only because he is devilishly handsome, knows how to properly fuck somebody dumb, and is the literal king

the main thing that makes him so desirable and unreachable?

he never sees the same courtesan more than once

“yet here you are,” you hook your legs around hongjoong’s waist to gain leverage and meet his thrusts with your own hips, “between my legs for the second time”

you smirk when he curses and throws his head back

his grip on your wrists tightens and his voice drops dangerously low

“the first time doesn’t count because i was meant to see lady chae. so really, this is the first time i’m requesting for your services”

he silences you from retorting by pressing a bruising kiss against you, lips messily attaching to yours before trailing down the sharp angle of your jaw to bite your neck

you are a courtesan for people of nobility and royal status

part of the ‘house of flowers’ and commonly referred to as ‘flower courtesans’, you and the other women are highly-sought after for the companionship you offer

you are well protected by the house of flowers though - the services of companionship that you provide is requested by your client, but is ultimately accepted or rejected by you

lady chae, another of the flower courtesans and one of your closest friends, is requested by the king for her services

it is quite clear what it is going to entail and you both spend several of the following nights giggling and whispering scandalously to one another

whether the rumours about his stamina will be true

whether lady chae will be the first to break his one-fuck rule

except when the day of the meeting comes around, she spikes a sudden fever

lady shin, the head of the house of flowers, takes all but one look at her before ordering her to bed rest despite both of your attempts to, albeit unconvincingly, persuade lady shin that chae’s fever would only serve to help make the king’s dick warmer

lady shin is not amused to say the least

with the last minute hitch, the king agrees for you to be sent out to him as a replacement instead

and you end up being the flower courtesan who he breaks his reputed rule for

(lady chae is initially jealous, understandably)

(but very quickly, she appears to be even more excited than you are as she combs through your undergarments for the “sluttiest set” that she can find)

your attention is brought back as hongjoong flicks his tongue over your hardened nipples, continuing to drag his length in and out of you while your back arches off the bed

you tease in between short breaths, “are you really bringing up another woman’s name while you have your cock inside me?”

“you brought it up first,” he reminds you, accentuating his answer with timed thrusts

you grind your hips against his, chasing more friction against your clit as you feel your high approaching

“why?” he snakes one of his hands down between your connected torsos to rub messy circles against your clit, smirking as he asks, “are you getting jealous already?”

for that, you clench down hard on his cock, immediately feeling the way it throbs inside of you as you bring him closer to his orgasm too

“as if. fuck off”

your words are hardly audible from the whines that are leaving your mouth due to the added pressure of another finger against your clit from your retaliation

“i’m close,” hongjoong releases his grip on your wrists so that he can straighten his body, anchoring his hand on your hip instead so that he can fuck you and rub your clit with his other hand with renewed vigour

when you hear him groan, “cum for me,” the string snaps and your whole body quivers in his hold as your orgasm washes over you

hongjoong’s hips gradually stutter to a pause, an occasional thrust inside your clenching pussy as he milks out the rest of his cum inside of you

he finally eases himself out of you and hums in satisfaction as he watches his cum slowly leak out of you

hongjoong drops down beside you, toned chest covered in a sheen layer of sweat as it rises up and down with his pants

when your fuzzy mind has cleared a little from the blissful haze of your orgasm, he strokes his fingertips along the side of your thigh, along the curve of your ass, and over the dip of your waist just under your breasts as he says, “you better not be jealous. first one to get jealous loses”

“if anyone’s going to get jealous first, it’s you,” you scoff back

he raises an eyebrow

oh yeah?

he shoves his leaking cum back inside of you and fingers you to another orgasm

now that shuts you up

for a man who barks, he sure has no bite, because you find yourself being notified by lady shin several days later of yet another request for your services under the king’s name

and another request turns into another

and every single time, hongjoong makes sure that the only word leaving your lips for those many hours is his moaned name

but at the same time, the more you and hongjoong meet, the more he just savours in your simple companionship

he asks you to teach him how to embroider because you’ve mentioned before it’s how you like to spend your free evenings

he rifles through your bag of materials that you bring

you smack his hand away at the carelessness with which he’s upturning everything

“what’s this?” he holds up a large, wooden hoop before trying to fit it through his head, “a necklace?”

“i wonder if people know they appointed an idiot to be king,” you say as you gently unscrew the hoops and demonstrate how to align a piece of fabric between the rings

he watches with interest as you screw the outer hoop tighter until the fabric is nice and taut and then repeat the process so you both have one to work with

you have to help hongjoong thread his needle too, because apparently the king’s fingers are only good for scissoring you open

you weave your own needle through the fabric at a slow pace whilst telling him the different names and uses of the stitches you’re showing him

except, when you look up to see if he’s following?

his own hoop has been abandoned to one side and he’s leaning against his hand as he gazes cheekily at you

“were you even paying attention?”

he sounds a little too confident when he answers not at all

in return, hongjoong shows you how to write hanja the next time you meet

he positions himself behind you with his hand over yours as he guides you through different characters stroke by stroke

he claims that there are specific ways of applying pressure to the brush so he has to be holding your hand at all times

you most definitely roll your eyes several times but you indulge him anyway

there are a lot of giggles and teasing pushes when you accidentally dip the end of your sleeve into the ink and you try to spread it onto his robes too

(the calligraphy may or may not become forgotten when hongjoong pins you down to stop your cheeky behaviour, because things naturally escalate whenever he has you under him)

you two do eventually manage to finish one decent-looking scroll of characters which he ends up gifting you so that you ‘don’t forget’ about him when you’re not with him

when you walk back into the house of flowers, the hanging scroll perks lady shin’s interest as you walk past

“hongjoong taught me how to write my name today”

lady shin waggles her eyebrows at you suggestively because of how casually you refer to the king, for which you nudge her with a shoulder

she laughs then asks to have a look

you unravel the paper to show her but then she makes a funny noise

“that’s not your name? these are the characters for- oh,” she cackles scandalously to herself, as if she has made a secret discovery

“what does it mean?” you hurry to clarify

you wouldn’t put it past him to have taught you a crude phrase instead, like ‘best tits’ or ‘biggest ass’

lady shin lets out an amused exhale, handing the scroll back to you

“it says, my flower”

you’re looking at those exact characters from where you lay on your bed when a knock sounds on your door several days later

lady shin steps into your room with a warm smile as you greet her

“you have an appointment with lord min tomorrow, but the king has just inquired about your service availability for tomorrow,” she informs you. “would you like me to give him the usual answer?”

this isn’t the first time a clash has occurred, particularly with the increasing frequency with which hongjoong requests to see you

you have always told lady shin to ask for hongjoong’s pardon and to offer him an alternative time or day, because in the end, you still need to maintain a professional and admirable reputation as a flower courtesan

and as you open your mouth to tell her ‘yes’, your eye catches the scroll hanging on your wall

my flower

you hesitate

“actually,” you look away from the hanja, “i’ll see hongjoong.”

lady shin gives you a motherly smile as she nods in understanding and closes the door behind her

the next day you see him, he excitedly points out the large tambour frame in his room that he bought just a few days prior, claiming you two can work on a big embroidery patch together now

you give him one look then demote him back to the small embroidery hoop because he still hasn’t learnt his basic stitches yet

(that’ll teach him to not pay attention when you’re demonstrating, ha)

you relent and end up going through the different stitches with him again anyway

and you find that he’s actually not that bad with embroidery once he’s actually focused on the task at hand

it’s nice, basking in each others presence while he threads his little square of fabric and you work with the large frame you have now essentially claimed as yours

not that hongjoong minds; he did buy it solely to make you happy

and then you offhandedly mention that someone had gifted you a handkerchief with your initials embroidered on one of the corners the other day

“i actually have it on me, in fact,” and you take it out from where it’s tucked into your waist so that you can show him

he juts out his chin as he peers down at the delicate letters, huffing, “it’s pretty, i guess”

then as an afterthought he tacks on, “bet i could do a better job”

“are you jealous right now, kim hongjoong?”

said man is hellbent on avoiding your eyes as he picks up his needle and thread again

“no i’m not!”

“whatever you say,” you smirk

after that day though, you don’t receive another request from hongjoong to meet until two weeks later

which, in the grand scheme of things, really isn’t much

but in comparison to the frequency at which you are used to seeing him, the frequency at which your body is used to having him, it is much too long

you are almost beginning to wonder whether you shouldn’t have brought up the handkerchief gift

yet, he greets you with his usual teasing squeeze of your waist, dangerously close to your ass

you make a move to follow him through the doors to his chambers but he turns around to produce a silk cloth

he starts to blindfold you, whispering sultrily, “i have a surprise for you”

you feel the hairs on the back of your neck raise at his tone

guiding you inside, hongjoong gently pushes you down so that you sink into the plush duvet of his bed

“do you trust me?” he whispers

trying not to dwell on the urge to lick your dry lips, you answer, “of course”

you feel him tugging slowly on the string that holds the front of your corset together, loosening your dress with tenderness like you are a fragile gift

you shiver when your shoulders are suddenly exposed to the cold air

and then the sensation is followed by the warmth of hongjoong’s soft exhales along the expanse of your collarbones as he leans closer to fully disrobe your shoulders

you have to remind yourself to keep breathing

“you can look now,” he tells you

you remove the silk cloth from around your eyes, unsure of what to expect

it takes a few blinks to readjust your vision to the room around you but then your eyes finally focus

and you gasp

there, hung on the wall with its striking viridian green, shimmering threads and intricate swirls on glorious display, is quite possibly the most stunning dress you have ever laid eyes upon

“try it on,” he encourages

but as you step closer, you realise the lacing across the front of the corset and running down the sleeves of the top dress is in fact, not lacing

it’s patchy

it’s uneven

it has empty areas

but it is no doubt embroidery

“did you…did you make this?” you reach out a hand to lightly caress one of the embroidered flowers, not quite daring to believe that hongjoong would go to these lengths for you

“of course,” he wraps his arms around you from behind and presses a light kiss against your temple, “i’m not losing to a lousy handkerchief”

“is that why you disappeared for two weeks?”

you let out a laugh, sinking into his embrace, because the image of the great king holed up in his chambers for days on end, hunched over your dress with a needle, thread and frown on his face is just too endearing

he lets out a warning huff as he turns you around in his embrace to face him

upturning his hands, he shows you the tips of his fingers and grumbles, “i poked myself so many times for you and you laugh at me?”

you bring his hands closer to your face, pressing light kisses to his fingertips as you smile, “thank you, joong. i love it so much, i really do”

he looks at you impossibly soft

under his tender gaze, something suddenly rushes to your very core

you hold one his hands steady in front of your lips then swirl your tongue out in an experimental lick over his fingers

it’s almost captivating how quickly his pupils dilate and zero in on your tongue

so you dare to bring his fingers into your mouth

you suck on them a little harder

a little deeper

and then you moan around his fingers, “i want you”

he lets out a groan himself, feeling the front of his breeches tighten as his cock twitches

“i- fuck, i didn’t give the dress to you in hopes that it would lead to this,” yet despite his words he is stepping you backwards so that he can pin you against the wall

“i know, but i want you,” you palm his growing bulge, your knees going weak at how hard he already is. “and i need you. now.”

he doesn’t need further encouragement

he shoves the remainder of your clothes aside before inserting his fingers roughly between your folds

it doesn’t take long for him to bring you to your first orgasm, curling his fingers relentlessly as you ride them

he spreads your cum over your pussy and you buck your hips with a whine when he circles over your clit briefly

then he’s turning you around and bending you over, one of your hands bracing against the wall, your other arm held behind your back by hongjoong’s firm grasp

“fuck, you’re so wet,” his whole body shivers with pleasure as his cock slips right into you

the obscene sounds of his hips slapping against your ass and your slick being pushed back into your hole over and over again fill the room

and to the clenching of your pussy from another orgasm, hongjoong also cums into you with a guttural groan of your name

he gently carries you to his bed and lays you on top of the covers

he leaves your side for a moment and you listen to him rummage through something while you try to regain control of your quaking legs

when he comes back, you feel him gently spreading your legs and then the ticklish sensation of a soft cloth along your inner thighs

a whine escapes your lips when he rubs over your sensitive clit and hongjoong grips your thigh a little tighter

“be careful what pretty sounds you’re making if you can’t handle another round”

it isn’t until he finishes cleaning you up and lies down next to you to start wiping himself down that you look over and realise what it is that he’s been using this whole time

your mouth drops in disbelief

when hongjoong notices your expression, he smirks, “the man who gave you this has no idea his handkerchief is being used to clean my cum off your thighs”

“hongjoong!” you flush with a laugh. “you are definitely jealous, aren’t you?”

“yes, i’m fucking jealous,” he growls, “you’re the only one i want. you’re the only woman i’ve been requesting for since i’ve seen you. and i want to be the only one who gets to have you, too”

you confess, “well, you can have all of me. because i’ve started refusing other people just for you”

he looks at you for another moment before he’s suddenly straddling your hips

“change of plans,” he says breathily, “i need you again”

“very good plan,” you grind up against him

and then you pause, mirth starting to bubble in your throat, “one last thing though”

hongjoong looks down with amusement in his own eyes, wondering what could possibly be so funny

“that handkerchief?” you start, struggling not to laugh when his eyes immediately narrow, “i never said it was from a man. it was a gift from lady chae”

seonghwa

pov: you're his royal guard

as soon as you notice the movement out of the corner of your eye, your body reacts straight away

you murmur seonghwa’s name with a tight voice and move to position yourself in front of him, unwilling to risk the prince’s safety

one of your hands grasps the hilt of your sword, ready to unsheathe it at the first sign of danger, as your calculative gaze darts between the two young men stumbling closer on the dirt path and the line of forest trees from which they appear

they are wearing simple tunics and breeches with their colour faded and seams loosening from wear

from what you can discern, they are simply commoners, but that does not rule out the possibility that they are bandits

seonghwa seems to think otherwise, though

unsurprising but still grating

the prince places his hand on your shoulder gently in a silent reassurance and request for you to step aside

albeit reluctantly, you force yourself to move to his left

it becomes clear to you as the two figures stop just shy of a few feet away that the term ‘men’ was pushing it - their faces are young and they appear to be no older than seventeen or eighteen

the young strangers dip their head in greeting, one of them apologising as well as he pulls out a tattered map that he extends out for you two to see

“my companion and i are traveling to the village norshaw but seem to have lost our way. would you be able to point us in the right direction?” the one with the map asks

“of course,” seonghwa offers with a kind smile

you watch as the three of them step closer together to look more closely at the map

on high alert, and just as you are predicting, you see the companion shuffle closer to seonghwa, hand inching towards the leather pouch that hangs from the prince’s belt

you catch the subtle motion of seonghwa’s eyes flickering down just an inch

because of how well you understand his body language, you know that it means he has already noticed the thieving intention

but because of how well you understand seonghwa, you know that he isn’t going to do anything about it either

so you strike in his stead

your hand darts out to snatch the thieve’s wrist, twisting his forearm upwards so that he is forced to lean awkwardly towards one side to prevent his elbow from snapping

his partner drops the map, letting out a string of curses and hesitating for all but three seconds before he turns around to flee

scoffing, you threaten the one who is still in your hold, who then bolts with his tail between his legs after you release him

"did you really need to scare them off like that? it's not like i had any money in the pouch anyway," seonghwa chastises with a chuckle

"yes," you deadpan. "i did not spend the last two hours of our trip pausing every fifty meters to wait for you to pick up a rock because you thought it looked pretty, only for them to be stolen by a pair of petty thieves"

"it would have been funny to imagine their faces after realising what they stole," seonghwa grins

“mhm,” you hum, “and the next thing you know, you’ll wake up to your palace ransacked, because word in town is that you can steal from the prince and get away with it”

he levels you with a boyish scowl, “you’re so dramatic. what are you, my mother?”

“no, but i am your royal bodyguard”

“exactly. you are my bodyguard, not my brainguard. if i am to be swindled of my pretty rocks, then so be it”

you roll your eyes out of exasperation, but everything is swiftly forgotten minutes later when you point out a heart-shaped rock and seonghwa rushes over to pick it up

it has been like this ever since the incident occurred - him, the sunshine; you, the sunshine protector

it has been almost four years since it happened

somebody had attempted arsenic poisoning of not only seonghwa, but also those working under him

you had noticed strange discolouring of the silverware in the kitchen and on the table serving his dinner, which prompted an investigation and subsequent discovery of the perpetrator

an act of betrayal and treachery by one of his closest relatives - his very own uncle

seonghwa was - still is - too merciful and tender-hearted to punish his uncle, even if the severity of his uncle’s crimes warranted execution

to have his trust broken so shatteringly hurt seonghwa more than if he were to actually have been poisoned

you still remember like it was yesterday; the sight of the prince slumped against the wall, weighed down by chains of turmoil and despair as whispers fly through the palace of the weak-hearted prince who is unable to deliver fair judgement

it is the sight of the prince looking so small and lost that drives your feet forward to stand before him

as the soft draught coming through the windows tugs gently on your tresses and the flickers of candlelight illuminate the glint of steel in your hand, you make a decision

“i’ll be your sword,” you pledge

not just as his royal guard, but as his haven when he is forced to face corruption and wickedness

and when you see the way his shoulders immediately sag with relief at your declaration, the way he nods like a child who has been reassured that everything will be okay, you tell yourself that seonghwa will never have to dirty his hands as long as you are with him

you will be the dark to his light; the yin to his yang

quietly, you see to it that his uncle is executed for his crimes - your statement to the rest of the palace that prince seonghwa is not to be mocked

neither of you bring it up again, but seonghwa knows

he pulls you into a wholehearted hug, arms enveloping you securely as his chest shakes with shuddering breaths of thank you over and over again

you rub your hand up and down his sturdy back soothingly

it is an action that simultaneously reciprocates his embrace and his crossed line of professionalism

one that starts the shift in dynamic between you both, boundaries of sought comfort blurring with friendship and then something more

where seonghwa is too trusting and too soft-spoken, you become his skepticism and his voice

“you should be more wary of others,” you always remind him

“and you should be more trusty of others,” he’ll retort

yet, he will never make a decision that does not receive your input nor one that you do not agree with

where seonghwa is too gentle and too humble, you become his sword and his shield

you do not waver when you strike down foe, and friends turned foe alike

you speak up and establish firm boundaries when others take advantage of the respect he shows everybody regardless of their class or status

and yet, if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s condescension or discriminatory treatment, be it due to your rank as a guard or identity as a woman, seonghwa will be advancing forward to defend you before you can do so yourself

where seonghwa is too innocent and too bushy-tailed, you become his eyes and his caution

your morning walks together always last for longer than they are scheduled for

he stops to watch every butterfly and bumblebee that flutters along the flowery path, and he waits for caterpillars to crawl onto a leaf that he holds by the stem so that he can move the critters off the pathway

you love to watch him and his glittering eyes, his cheeks rosy from happiness and from the air still crisp with morning dew

but you also make sure to watch his surroundings with greater vigilance because the quiet peace that the freshly awoken sun brings simultaneously increases the likelihood of a targeted attack against him

as much as you rib him for being a marshmallow personified, however, and as much as he banters back that you are more than welcome to resign at any time, neither of you want it any other way

seonghwa carries out a lot of gestures that he justifies to himself as being eternally grateful for you and the things you do for him

he likes to gift you flowers he has plucked from his garden or the bushes he walks past that remind him of you

(“that’s actually just a very pretty-looking weed, but thank you, seonghwa,” you tell him on more than one occasion)

(it’s adorable, because the next time he finds a flower, he goes to the length of certifying that it is indeed a flower with the merchant who sells bouquets in the nearby town before presenting it to you, eyes gleaming with pride)

you stand still and let him tuck a flower behind your ear, sometimes braiding your hair gently so that he can weave and secure the stem into your hair, holding your breath as his features fill with the same enrapturement that he would admire a beautiful artwork with

after you voice this out one day, seonghwa supposes to himself that there is not much difference between an artwork and you

not that he’s attracted to you or anything - you just…have an objectively attractive face

yes.

especially when your usually-piercing expression is softened by fatigue, guard no longer up as you sleep slumped over a desk while accompanying him during his late night of studies

he does not realise his feet have moved until he is right beside your resting form, as if the soft exhales escaping from your slightly parted lips are a siren’s song

seonghwa tenderly brushes your stray locks away from your face and behind your neck

except he forgets to account for the fact that you are trained to sleep on the brink of consciousness

the squeal that leaves his mouth when your reflexes kick in and you almost slit his throat resounds at a frequency so high you almost believe it comes from your own mouth

you have a grand time watching his beet red face stutter out an excuse as to what exactly he was doing so close to you

needless to say, that is the last time seonghwa ever tries to do anything while you are sleeping

but as much as he bumbles around, he also reveals his perceptiveness when you least expect it

like now, as you accompany the prince to one of his meetings with numerous advisors and ministers

it is relatively dull and uneventful, mostly a cordial appearance to maintain amicable and loyal relationships with his subjects

conversation is limited to pleasantries and at one point, seonghwa even points out the calligraphy paintings hung at the back of the room

everyone nods with throaty laughs as if the paintings are indeed the most exquisite and tasteful artworks they have ever laid their eyes upon

when you and seonghwa arrive back at his chambers following the conclusion of the meeting, he walks over to his bed and shakes the sleeves of his robe over the expanse of his duvet

and out drops a neatly-wrapped sweet, followed by another, then another, until there are enough to amount to two handfuls

baffled, you look at seonghwa, because these are the very same treats that had been plated on the tables during the meeting

“you smuggled candy out of the room?” you try to keep the amusement out of your voice

he peers into his sleeves to ensure there are no more stragglers, before turning to face you as he waves his hands over the small collection of goods on his bed

as if they are-

“for you!” he exclaims almost proudly. “i saw you eyeing them during the meeting so i took some for you”

okay

most definitely proudly 

you feel something tickling you from within, as if he has reached through your chest to directly caress your heart with a delicate finger

“when did you even…” your voice trails off when it comes out a little fonder than you are expecting it to

“remember the paintings i pointed out?” seonghwa giggles, and you think that the hand in your chest is now cradling your heart completely. “i swiped the sweets when everyone was looking back at them”

“thank you, hwa,” you settle on saying, because you do not trust yourself to say anything else

that is more than enough for him, though

which, of course it is - this is seonghwa, with his huge heart that fills easily with the smallest of things

he eagerly hands you one of the treats and you unwrap it to place into your mouth

you’ve had these before, but this one that he has specially grabbed for you tastes remarkably sweeter

you wonder if his lips will taste the same…

but then you accidentally bite your tongue, hard enough to draw blood, and you realise just how wrong you are for letting those fleeting thoughts into your mind

because while you navigate the world in thick droplets of red and sharp glints of silver, seonghwa sees the world in soft hues of pastel and gleaming rays of yellow

how could the two palettes ever blend together harmoniously?

so instead, you grant yourself one last moment of selfishness and pull him into a hug, a gesture that toes the already shaky borders of professionalism yet can still be excused under the guise of friendship

you realise that he has always meant much more to you, but that is what this will stay as - a mere realisation

seonghwa wraps his arms around your form as he relaxes into the way your bodies naturally meld together

it’s strange how easily you slot into his life, his thoughts, his heart

he wonders whether it’s possible for feelings of appreciation to run so deeply and potently within somebody, like a drug that he cannot get enough of

and when you take a step away from him, leaving his chest feeling physically and emotionally empty, he wonders if he is perhaps…

in love with you

following that incident, it is almost as if a switch flips - both of you take several steps away from the line that has been danced around

but neither of you notice the distance because you are both consumed by your own thoughts

until one of your usual morning walks around the castle walls of his palace

seonghwa is wondering whether the bushes you walk past remind you of the flowers he used to gift you and you are debating whether to reach out to brush a petal out of his half ponytail 

then, like deja vu, your eyes flicker towards the burst of movement as a figure covered in black comes darting forwards with their blade raised intended for murder

you immediately start to unsheathe your sword, feet poised and prepared to defend-

until you are harshly tugged back and the prince steps in front of you to parry the strike that the assassin tries to land

it takes your lifetime of training and experience to snap back into focus and thrust your sword into the enemy’s exposed side

when you are sure he is dead, you whirl around to descend upon seonghwa with a voice trembling from both anger and relief

“what in the world were you thinking?” you yell

“i-”

taking a step forward, you toss your sword to one side, “no, actually. you weren’t thinking at all”

“i was afraid that you would get hurt!” he takes his own step closer

“that is my duty!” the volume of your voice raises even more. “i am willing to lay down my life to ensure your safety! i have been guarding you for years now and you have never acted this way. what has changed?”

for a moment, the only sound that punctuates the silence is your harsh breathing

seonghwa swallows

“my feelings…” he whispers, a stark contrast to the peak of emotions you have been riding. “my feelings for you have changed”

your throat tightens at his words

it is your turn to whisper, a noise of confusion leaving your lips

he takes another step closer, bringing himself to stand right in front of you as he looks down earnestly into your eyes

“i’d rather be the protector, and you be the protected”

“but…why?” your heart races with anticipation

“because i’m in love with you” 

right at the invisible border that has been separating you two for as long as you have been his guard, seonghwa now stands, hands wringing together as he awaits a response

“then that makes the two of us,” you confess

you step forward to take your familiar spot on the other side of the line, except this time you do not stop

you stride over the boundary completely to stand by his side

raising yourself onto your tiptoes, you pull him down slightly by the front of his doublet so that you can press a chaste kiss to the corner of his lips

it stretches wider and curves upwards under the nurturing of your own smile

you can’t help but give him another kiss on the other side of his mouth to match the one you just gave him

“from now on,” seonghwa starts, “i’ll be your sword”

you wouldn’t really, and you will fight him to let you continue being his guard, but that doesn’t stop one last teasing question from escaping you

“does this mean i get to retire?”

yunho

pov: you're part of a rebel group

the crown prince is not in his fucking library

for the past three weeks, the crown prince has always been in the royal library at night

until today

under normal circumstances, his royal guards and staff would be alerted to ensure that the deviance in routine is a conscious decision and not an issue of the crown prince missing

except doing that would make your job significantly harder…

considering you have been ordered to assassinate him.

you’re part of the ‘red sun’, a revolutionary movement aiming to overthrow the current monarch

following the debilitating state of the king after falling ill and the subsequent coronation of queen jeong into power, she has since then established numerous royal decrees to keep everyone under her reign on a tight leash

a leash made of barbed wire

people are quick to become resentful and thirsty for an end to the dictatorship and bloodline

although he has made limited public appearances, the crown prince has also developed a reputation rivaling the queen’s

within the second year of the jeong dynasty, red sun has already amassed a multitude of supporters

the focus is currently on growing in numbers, preparing for an imminent revolution and picking off corrupt royals and noblists, be it through incrimination or assassination

dealing with those in positions of higher power is a task only completed by an elite selection of red sun rebels who have distinguished skills and traits that set them apart from peasants and commoners

and you are amongst the elite team

which is why you find yourself staking out on the tiled roof of the imperial palace, clothed in black with a mask and hooded cowl covering your face that blends you in with the darkness of night, on the orders of a higher-up to assassinate the crown prince

except the target is missing; the information you were given is wrong

which never happens

you can’t risk staying around for much longer, especially now that the crown prince has broken his routine

he could be anywhere and so could his royal guards

you shift your body to a crouch and place your hands on the cool tiles beneath you, ready to leave

only to spot a figure, crouched just like you are, on the opposite side of the roof

their face is a black hole of nothing within the shrouded confines of their hood, but you can feel their gaze piercing into you all the same

you run

you scramble to the edge of the roof and nimbly leap off the curved eaves to the neighbouring structure of the study room

when you glance backwards, you see the man - physique now obvious - is keeping up easily along the stepping stones of roofs

this game of cat and mouse isn’t going to work for long

if you don’t get caught by him first, you’re both going to get caught by the palace guards

so you make a split decision and alter your next trajectory lower

keeping your arms outstretched for the eaves, you grab on tightly when your fingers touch the edge of the roof and use your core to kick your legs up to stop your body from slamming into the wall from the momentum of your jump

you let go and drop to the ground like a feline, noiseless, and slink towards a line of trees

then you wait

he’s good, you note to yourself, when the only sound that alerts you to his presence is the quick scuffle of his feet as he softens his impact against the wall and the muted thud of his body landing on the ground

“state your purpose,” he demands, voice low yet firm

you ignore him to ask, “who are you?”

now up close, you can see that the man is wearing attire almost the same as you are, identity also hidden by the his bandana and hood-

wait

even the dark red stitching that subtly replaces the original seam on the right shoulder of his outer clothing is the same

the same as those on the elite team

“one of you,” he confirms your suspicions

except you don’t recognise his voice nor his build

being one of the earliest members of the rebel organisation, you are familiar with all the members who carry out missions like yours

he is not one of them; not one you can trust yet

when you don’t speak, he adds on, “we need to go. the safehouse might be in danger”

we

he refers to the two of you so easily, as if you and him are an unspoken team

you cannot trust this man until you know for sure he is part of red sun, so you ask him

“when is red most beautiful?”

it is a vague question with a fixed answer

one that reflects the heart of the revolutionary itself

during the sunrise of a new beginning 

“during the sunrise of a new beginning,” the man says resolutely

the tension releases from your shoulders 

“okay,” you opt to abandon your original mission. “let’s check on the safehouse”

the man offers you a hand to hike yourself up onto one of the outer walls of the palace before he jumps up himself with ease

you both flip over the top and land in unison

the moon illuminates the ground beneath your feet as you both sprint into the surrounding forest

the safehouse is really just a small hut situated far enough from the palace to stay inconspicuous, yet not close enough to the outer borders of the kingdom to risk discovery by the frequent border patrols

you both slow down as you approach the clearing, steadying your breaths and treading with cautious steps

and then you hear it

the shattering clang of a desperate parry

all it takes is a quick glance at the man by your side before your eyes harden with purpose and your steps are dashing in unison towards the hut

you’re both hit with the smell of a metallic tang in the air, and it’s not from your drawn swords

bursting through the door, you quickly take in the scene before you

several red sun members are scattered around the hut and slumped in varying degrees of injury

it’s easy to spot the intruder; they’re yanking their sword out of a body’s torso as they simultaneously turn to look at you

and it’s hard to miss the royal insignia of the jeong monarch on their chest plate

you have the element of surprise

but only for the next few seconds

you leap forward with the thud of footsteps of your partner following almost immediately, side-stepping once you close the distance to dodge a haphazard swing 

there’s a brief break in defense when the enemy tries to aim for another strike that leaves the gap in the side of their armour exposed

you feel the slight resistance of your sword entering flesh as you thrust it forward into them

except when you try to tug it back out, a hand grasps your own and the hilt of your sword, stopping you from stepping away

the enemy has realised they are not going to make it out of this alive

but if they are to die, then they are going to take one last person with them

you.

you see glint of metal as they use their other hand to swing their sword down onto you, only for it to be deflected at the last second by another sword

the man you have met for barely an hour is now at your side with his towering protectiveness

in one smooth kick, his long leg sends the other careening into the wall of the hut with a mighty slam

you feel yourself jerking forward from the enemy’s grasp still on your hand

but the man next to you quickly tucks you into his side before you are also sent sprawling

“check on the others,” he briefly says, and then he is striding towards the fallen intruder

you only spare him another quick glance and then you rush to the nearest figure on the ground

you go around checking for pulses, and for those who are still breathing, the extent of their injuries

there are several casualties but nowhere near as many if you and the man had not come to check on the safehouse

which suddenly makes you pause in your tracks

how did he know about the attack in the first place?

you stretch your legs from their squatted position next to one of the red sun members and turn around to confront him

except…the man has disappeared

and so has the intruder’s body

days later, the question of whether you will chance upon the man again tonight flits through your mind when you find yourself perched in the very same spot on the tiled roof of the palace that gives you a clear view of the royal library

you have received another order to assassinate the crown prince as soon as you see the opportunity arise

this time, the note is accompanied by a cyanide capsule, a non-verbal message that this mission is to occur with your life on the line

you spot him

he’s preoccupied by the scroll in his hand as he makes his way through the shelves of parchments

you wait until he’s walked far enough into the library before you drop down from the roof, keeping your stance low to ensure you stay hidden as you silently move closer

you take out the jagged dagger from its sheath by your waist as you anticipate it will be too difficult to wield your long sword in the narrow aisles

and there the crown prince stands

he has his back to you, exposing him to your mercy

mercy that you have no intention of showing him

the cruel heir to the throne of an even crueler dictatorship deserves none

“it’s you again, isn’t it?”

you freeze

the crown prince still has not turned around to address you, but you can feel the dark gaze of his eyes on you as if he were looking at you

“you were here a few days ago”

fuck

how he knows you have no idea

what you do know though is that you have about two seconds to make a move before you lose this chance to assassinate him completely, and quite possibly, lose your life as well

the pill you have hidden in the breast of your tunic feels heavy

“you are part of red sun, are you not?”

this time the crown prince does turn around to face you, but it isn’t the nonchalance with which he reveals your identity that makes your head reel

it is the warmth and softness in his gaze and the hint of a smile on his face that does

what the actual fuck

you’re convinced that the crown prince is not only heinous, but also batshit crazy

“i am,” you spit out at him, “with orders to assassinate you, in fact”

his mouth thins into a tight line, “the orders you have received are false”

“sounds exactly like something a crown prince would say to avoid being assassinated,” you scoff

but then his next words change everything

“red is most beautiful during the sunrise of a new beginning”

before you have time to fathom the bomb that has just been dropped, your heads swivel simultaneously towards the entrance of the royal library when a voice calls out for the crown prince

“hide,” he hisses urgently

and then he’s stepping further away to conceal your presence as best as possible

you hear the shuffle of footsteps approaching before they stop, dangerously close to where you’re crouched behind a bookshelf

“apologies for interrupting your time, crown prince,” they say

from where you are you can see the crown prince’s expression clear as he lets out a small huff, “i have told you many times to just call me yunho”

“of course, crown prince yunho”

even though you can’t see the other person’s expression, you can hear the amusement in their voice

they continue, “i have the information you have requested for”

“thank you,” you see him - yunho - receive a small scroll. “the queen does not know?”

“no, i made sure to be as discreet as possible”

yunho thanks the other once again and your eyes nearly fall out of their sockets when he bows his head in appreciation as he dismisses them

is this the same crown prince as the rumours?

and what is he doing behind his mother’s back?

you don’t realise you’ve been staring dumbly at him until he’s back in front of you with amusement on his face

he stands tall and proud, robes accentuating his stature and nobility

“who exactly are you,” you dare to ask

your voice is small - you feel small, crouched at his feet like a stark physical representation of the power he holds over you

but then he takes yet another step closer and kneels down so that your eyes meet at the same level

“i am the leader of red sun. the creator of the whole revolution”

your ankles actually do give out at that and you have to seat yourself on the floor

because how is any of this possible?

you must have voiced your thoughts out loud, because before you know it, yunho is crossing his legs and making himself comfortable on the floor right in front of you

it makes you feel so strange

the crown prince’s willingness to make himself an equal before you - and even to his staff from earlier

yunho starts to explain

a change in monarch, particularly one of such dictatorship, requires massive momentum and synergy; something he cannot produce alone nor without the support of the people

thus, red sun came into existence for the exact same reason you and all the other supporters have joined

in hopes of a sunrise one day that marks a new beginning

a new leadership

except recently he has had growing suspicious of the presence of a traitor within the organisation, which were confirmed the night the safehouse was attacked

“that night…that man was you,” you realise, “and that’s how you know who i am”

he nods, “and that’s also how i know your orders are false.” yunho nudges you playfully with his knee, “pretty sure i never ordered for my own assassination”

yunho continues to explain that he had taken the intruder back for interrogation, but then you frown when he reveals the enemy had swallowed a suicide pill before any information could be gained

he has an inkling that someone in a high position of power is involved, since the pills are almost impossible to gain access to, but it cannot be ruled out as a coincidence

“hang on,” you pull down the top of your tunic in a hurry

yunho scrambles to cover his eyes and turns his head as he jokingly sputters out, “woah okay, this is moving a little fast don’t you think?”

you tug impatiently on the sleeve of his robe, telling him to look

yunho hesitates for another second before lowering his hands and realising you have-

“a suicide pill?” 

you look at each other, because this can only mean one thing

the pills are not a coincidence; the enemy is much closer than yunho would like

you’re both unsure how much time there is until the traitor decides to order someone else to assassinate yunho, or worse, decides to finish the job off themselves

but from that very night of discovery, you and yunho work together incessantly against a ticking time bomb

it’s a delicate balance between finding as many leads as you can and spreading out your investigations to stay under the radar

yunho tries to look further into the cyanide pills while you try to uncover any information regarding the order you had been given

whoever is behind it all has kept their tracks hidden well

there isn’t much to report from either of your ends whenever you sneak into the palace to meet up with yunho

but he makes it very hard for you to feel discouraged when he makes your meetings seem like casual catch ups between - you dare say - friends

you have yet to catch him by surprise whenever you drop down from the roof in front of him in an attempt to scare him; he has an uncanny ability to sense your presence

except, you think you prefer being unsuccessful, because your indignant grumbles never fail to bring out his toothy grin and an excited body jiggle

other times he is the one trying to fluster you

“remember that time you literally tried undressing yourself in front of me-”

“i was taking the pill out to show you!” 

you bring your thumb and index finger closer together in front of your face and squint at the gap

“i am this close to changing my mind and assassinating you after all”

he gets a kick out of it, pretending to beg for your mercy, “oh please spare me, your majesty”

other times, yunho teases you for always keeping your cowl and mask on

“bet it’s because you’re ugly or something,” he jokes

and you bite back that he had his face covered too when you both met, so you’re one to talk, ugly

“but since then i’ve always shown you my face as the crown prince. you can see me nice and clear,” he suddenly leans forward, so close you can see the dip of his cupid’s brow. “what do you think about me now?”

you swallow hard

you’re glad you have your mask on because you can feel your face rapidly heating up

“i think…” you gently cup his jaw, “you look better with your mask on,” as you nudge his face to the side

you cannot help but join in with your own chuckles at his laughter and boyish glee

and eventually, you two have a breakthrough

yunho manages to trace the cyanide back to a traveling merchant operating under the guise of selling rare herbs and medicine

in the transaction ledger, there is an unusually large purchase under the name of ‘lee minjun’

“i’m sure i’ve seen the name before somewhere, but i can’t remember where,” yunho huffs

you let out your own huff at his elbow that has very naturally taken a rest on your shoulder

pulling out a stack of paper, you spread it out onto the table before you two

they are past records of certain red sun missions that, upon looking back, seem suspicious

“i noticed a mark on a couple of them, a drawing or character perhaps? except none of them are fully intact. it’s almost like the paper was accidentally marked”

you point them out to yunho in hopes that he will have a better idea

he doesn’t - not at first

not until he chances upon two that vaguely align with each other to form a clearer image

“this-” yunho runs his hand through his hair, “this is butler lee’s stamp. my father’s butler.”

the king’s butler?

lee?

your eyes snap to yunho’s, just as his meet yours

“lee minjun”

you sink back in your seat

there’s now definite proof that the king’s butler is at the very least involved

the question of why and what for remains

in fact, you and yunho would not put it past the queen either to be involved too

there is a long moment of shared silence as you both mull over what this means for the future

yunho breaks the silence first

“after this all ends…do you want to work for me, officially?” he clears his throat, “will you stay by my side?”

after this all ends

you two must still uncover butler lee’s motives; likely part of a much grander scheme involving queen jeong too

you two must still bring down the whole monarch; with the support of red sun, yunho needs to sit on his rightful throne

the sun has yet to rise but you can see the faint hues of orange and twilight blue in the horizon

the new beginning is close

and at that, something in you relaxes

crumbles and disintegrates with utter relief

“it would be my honour to stay by your side forever, yunho”

and then you are removing your hood and mask, daring to breathe and feel alive and hopeful for once

ironically, yunho chokes on air

you glance at him to find that he is unable to meet your eyes

you think your eyes are deceiving you because-

the tips of his ears are a glowing red

you could definitely get used to seeing the usually calm and collected crown prince become a shy, blushing mess

the corner of your mouth rises with smugness, “like what you see?”

“you should really keep your hood and mask on,” he mumbles

“and why is that?” you humour him

he finally looks at you

and when he sees the shit-eating grin plastered across your face, his shoulders suddenly fill out again with confidence and cockiness to match yours

“because,” his voice deep and flirtatious, “with a pretty face like that, you’re going to distract me from my duties”

yeosang

pov: you're in an arranged marriage with him

ever since you could understand the words coming out of your parents’ mouths, you have known that you will be married to yeosang

it just made sense

for the respective princess and prince of two powerful kingdoms to join together, leading to increased power and stronger allies

it is tradition for the pair to meet their chosen spouse for the first time only when both parties have turned sixteen, and even then, subsequent meetings are rare until the time of the actual wedding

so you spend the first sixteen years of your life infatuated with the idea of your prince charming - of prince yeosang - wondering what he looks like, what his personality is like, and how you two will fall in love

and when you finally reach that long-awaited first meeting, prince charming is everything and more than what you have envisioned

if angels with broken wings were exiled to earth, they would look like yeosang

he is soft-spoken and slightly reserved, as any awkward teenager meeting their future spouse would be, but you don’t miss the way that his eyes overflow with adoration and his shoulders shake with exuberant giggles whenever his little sister, yeoreum, comes tottering into the room

he always bends down onto one knee to match her eye level, uncaring of the stains that mark his pants even as his mother narrows her eyes in disdain, and he listens with utmost sincerity when yeoreum tells him about the secret pink and glittery fairy she spotted in the courtyard 

they remind you of the relationship you share with your own little brother, juwon, who is barely half your age and height, yet has you wrapped around his little finger

you lean down closer with a hum at the soft tug on your dress to hear your little brother whisper conspiratorially into your ear, “he looks stupid”

if looks could kill, yeosang would be dead right now

you stifle a laugh as you flick juwon’s chin affectionately at his sudden display of childish jealousy

if anything, you’re pretty sure you are the one who looks stupid

stupidly in love

because walking away from that first meeting with yeosang and his family, you know that you are absolutely smitten for the prince

unable to quell the restlessness of having to wait until the next unforeseeable meeting, you pick up a quill that very same day you return to your palace and start writing

it takes you all night, the gentle gleams and winks of the stars keeping you company until they rotate shifts with the songs of the waking world

but by the time you have crossed out and scrunched your way through rolls and rolls of parchment paper, you are satisfied with the letter you have written

the letter addressed to prince yeosang, which you task eunju, one of your maids, with passing it to the royal couriers for delivery to the kang palace

it is a simple letter, thanking him for the enjoyable day, yet it holds the deeper message that you are interested in him and would like to become better acquainted before your marriage

you wonder whether his cheeks will flush a pretty red as his butler hands him your letter

whether he will trace his fingers delicately over the curve of your words

whether he will bite back a smile as he pictures you saying the words to him

two weeks pass, and you approximate the letter to have just been delivered to his kingdom

and although you desperately wish for him to immediately sit down with a quill in hand to pen out his reply, you wait and give him a week before you eagerly start counting down the days until the arrival of his letter

your whole life you have been able to wait patiently

you wonder what has changed now that mere weeks feel like an eternity

the day yeosang’s letter is due to arrive, you are sporadic bursts of giggles, twirls and skips throughout the palace

even juwon is starting to become sick of getting swept up into a crushing hug to the cheery tune of i loveee youuuu every single time you pass him

nothing can bring you down from cloud nine

only…the letter never comes

not the day after, not the week after, not the month after

you’re disappointed, of course, but you busy yourself with reasons why yeosang has not replied, and you don’t give up

you send him another letter, and then another, and another

sometimes you just tell him about your day - what made you smile, what made you sad, something interesting you saw, something your little brother said

other times you tell him about yourself - your hobbies, likes and dislikes, aspirations, fears 

and you also wonder about him

you ask what he likes, what he smiles at, what makes him sad, what his dreams are

with each letter that you hand over to eunju to be delivered, it becomes harder and harder to stay optimistic - not even the words of encouragement from your favourite maid lifts your spirits

you continue like this for over a year, still yet to receive a reply 

until-

you do.

it feels like you are brought back to that very night of your first meeting, feeling so very alive as hope and excitement cascade into your body the moment eunju hands you a letter with a smile

with shaking hands, you fumble to unpeel the wax seal and free the envelope’s contents - a single piece of paper, neatly folded

your mind races with anticipated words and explanations

perhaps he had been too shy to reciprocate your letters earlier

or perhaps your letters had been lost in transit

you unfold the parchment as the hairs on your skin raise in anticipation, only to find it blank save for one scrawled sentence in the middle of the paper-

stop sending me letters.

and just like that, the clock strikes twelve

your carriage reverts into a pumpkin

and your carefully curated story of prince charming disintegrates into ashes

you don’t write to him again.

years later, the stacks of parchment scrolls on the wooden desk of the guest room you are currently residing in feel like a fresh slap in the face each time your eyes land on them

they are a stark reminder of your very own letters, the cold rejection you received, and the irony of the only letter you ever received again following his being one from the kang monarchs, announcing the proceeding of the royal wedding between you and their son

now, only a few days newly-wed to yeosang, the king and queen are gracious enough to let you sleep in one of the guest rooms temporarily, under your claims of adjusting to a life in a new kingdom and as a wife

really, you are trying to avoid yeosang for as long as you can

you spend your time instead getting to know his little sister better, which is why you find yourself sitting side by side with yeoreum, legs dangling off the edge of your bed

she eyes the vase of flowers on your bedside table curiously, “did you buy that?”

“no,” you reach out to touch the baby’s breath, “someone delivered it to my room”

you had offhandedly mentioned to some of your staff the other day that flowers would make your room look more homey, and you had woken up the morning after to find the beautiful vase teeming with flowers next to you

“why?” you ask yeoreum when she hums thoughtfully

“it looks just like the vase in my brother’s room, but he’s weird about it. yeo never lets anyone touch it, much less have it”

you blanch a little, “in that case i’ll give it back to him later then”

“you don’t like it? or…you don’t like my brother? my brother talks about you a lot, you know,” she reveals

caught off-guard by her perceptiveness, you reveal that you have been hurt before

you don’t specify by what exactly or who it is that you’re talking about, but she seems to understand regardless

later that night, sweet yeoreum barges into yeosang’s room and with as much feistiness as she can muster, she glares at her brother and interrogates, “what did you do to make her upset?”

before he can so much as blink, yeoreum concludes, “you boys are dumb. go talk to her and fix it or something,” and then walks out with a huff

there’s no one there to witness it, but yeosang nods anyway

heart feeling a little heavy after your conversation with yeoreum, you head towards the kitchen to seek solace in the sweet pastry you are usually served each morning

the first time you tasted the danish pastry, decorated with strawberries and cream cheese, was when you had traveled to yeosang’s palace at the age of sixteen for your first meeting

you remember the blissful expression that had bloomed across your face with your initial bite, and no dessert ever captivated your tastebuds quite the same way ever again

if there is one good thing out of this arranged marriage with yeosang, then it would be the reunion between yourself and the strawberry danish

“your highness,” the head chef bows, followed by the rest of the staff in the kitchen, “how may we help you?”

when you ask for one of the pastries, the head chef apologises that there are none

“but we can make you one now, if you do not mind waiting”

you tell him not to go to the trouble and ease his worries, “i just thought there may have been leftover pastries”

“we make only one fresh every morning, specifically for you,” the chef explains, and confusion must settle across your features because he adds on, “his highness has expressed that you may like them”

oh?

flustered, you can only muster a short response of, “i do, thank you,” before you smile once more and excuse yourself

because of all people to notice and remember such a small detail, and then to go out of their way to put in the request with the kitchen on the off chance that it was still true, it was yeosang? 

first the vase, and now this

you feel something deeply buried inside of you start to stir but you rush to nip it in the bud

your head and your heart are beginning to wage war against each other and suddenly everything feels like it’s too much

when you reach your bedroom, you throw open the double doors to step out onto the balcony, welcoming the chilling breeze of the darkening sky

you’re tired of fearing rejection if you open up

you’re tired of questioning yeosang’s intentions

and on top of it all, you suddenly miss home and you miss your parents and you miss juwon and-

“are you okay?”

yeosang’s soft question startles you, having missed his knocking at your door

he walks closer to join you out on the balcony when he sees that the answer is obviously a no, and he prompts you again, “what’s wrong?”

thoughts of vases and strawberry pastries flit across your mind

you start with half truths

“just missing my little brother”

“you love him a lot, don’t you,” yeosang smiles sweetly, “i can see it in the way you take care of yeoreum”

you can’t help the heat that slowly creeps up the back of your neck and to your ears, because it implies that he’s noticed all the times you’ve showered his little sister with the same love you give to juwon

it implies he’s noticed you

“what’s your fondest memory of juwon?” he asks when you nod

something within you thaws slightly at the fact that yeosang remembers your little brother’s name

you step closer to the edge of the balcony so that you can overlook the garden outside your room a little clearer, resting your hand on the railing as yeosang waits patiently

“we used to have this game we played. we had a lot of gardenia flowers growing around our courtyard and juwon loved cutting some to make me a mini bouquet,” you pause to shake your head with a chuckle, “it drove our mother nuts”

“doesn’t sound like it stopped him from continuing though, did it?” yeosang questions with mirth

“no, it didn’t,” your heart aches with fondness. “he would use a certain number of gardenias and make me guess what phrase containing the same number of letters he had in mind” 

it never failed to tug your mouth into a smile whenever juwon giggled at your attempts to guess the flower phrase, even when most times he would bound away whilst singing answers like y-o-u s-t-i-n-k or d-u-m-b d-u-m-b

yeosang supports himself on the railing with one hand as he nearly folds in on himself in laughter, and before you know it, you too are gasping for air and wiping away tears from your eyes

when you both calm down relatively enough, only intermittent chuckles leaving your lips, yeosang clears his throat and scratches his neck awkwardly

“i know it might not be much, but maybe we can go out into town tomorrow and it might take your mind off things? and we can bring yeoreum along if that makes you feel more comfortable, because you’ve probably spent more time alone with her than you have with me?”

you don’t admit it, but you’re already feeling a little better, so you decide to tease, “are you asking me out on a date right now, kang yeosang?”

“oh, well, we’d be doing things a little backwards since we’re already like, married…but, yes? maybe? is that okay?”

it’s yeosang’s turn to flush a deep red as his usually composed demeanor is reduced to stutters, but you don’t notice under the faint glow cast by the moon now reigning the sky

“yeah, that’s okay”

you and yeosang smile fondly as your little trio stroll through a nearby town the following morning, his younger sister skipping ahead to peer at the colourful trinkets being sold at the market stalls, and your own small squad of royal soldiers following behind at a respectful distance

it’s kind of endearing how yeosang points out item after item, asking whether you like it or whether you find it pretty, in a not-so-subtle attempt to learn about your preferences

you have to stop him from buying you something from every second stall you both pass, but you’re unable to convince him from purchasing a small wooden toy as a gift for juwon, insisting that you give it to your little brother the next time you see him

the more you actually interact and talk with yeosang, the harder you find it to associate him with the memory of the yeosang in your rejected letters

because the equation of the letters, the vase and the pastries just does not add up

as you two sit under the awning of a small shop, watching yeoreum play with the shopkeeper’s dog, you find yourself unable to hold back anymore

“why didn’t you reply to my letters?” you break the silence, trying to hide the hurt laced in your voice

yeosang looks at you with wide eyes as his mouth stutters open

and in the smallest voice you have ever heard him speak with, he says

“you wrote me letters?”

your eyebrows knit together as your eyes dart back and forth between his, searching for any hint of deception

“too many to count,” you confess, “until you sent a letter telling me to stop…”

“impossible. i never got your letters” 

your head recoils back as you try to make sense of his words, “but-”

“wait,” he interrupts

yeosang reaches into his robes, pulling out a small, wooden block, extending it out closer to you as he asks, “do you recognise this?”

upon closer inspection, you realise it’s a square seal stamp

it has the character ‘姜’ carved into it and you’ve seen it enough times to know it represents the kang family name - but the inscription that stylises the border is unfamiliar

“not the seal, no”

he swallows apprehensively, “i stamp all my letters with this to certify authenticity”

you let his words sink in as they throw you into a sandstorm of bewilderment

“but then-”

but then who wrote the letter?

and where did all your letters go?

the only people who would have known about them would be the royal couriers and…eunju

a memory flashes through your mind - the moment she handed you a letter with a smile

no, not a smile, you realise

a smirk

you are simultaneously overwhelmed with betrayal, guilt and apologeticness

yeosang doesn’t push you for a response, and you come to recognise that you are also grateful

“i’m sorry for doubting you,” you tell him

it’s nowhere close to the amount of things you want to confess, but it is a start, one that yeosang picks up on and understands immediately

“no, i’m sorry you felt the need to doubt me,” he offers. “that i didn’t make you feel loved enough”

“but i did, actually. the vase and the pastries, then our conversation last night…and even today”

he blushes a deep red as you list the things off with your fingers

“you weren’t meant to find out about the first two,” yeosang admits as he ducks his head shyly

then he suddenly perks up with a sudden thought

he ruffles inside his satchel that had been abandoned to one side, mumbling, “my sister said i did something to upset you…so i um, got you these” 

he turns around to reveal of bouquet of flowers, looking a little rough for wear after being hidden in his bag all morning, but his clumsy consideration only serves to makes your heart skip dangerously

“forgive me?” he asks cheekily, and you both giggle at the absurdity of his question because it should very well be the other way around

“if you insist,” you take the bouquet into your hands

and finally, you allow the chains around your heart to fall away, “i can’t say no to my husband, can i?”

yeosang lets out a little squeak as you look at the bouquet more clearly, counting the number of flowers

you turn to ask if he remembers the game you told him about, but the way yeosang suddenly finds the patch of dirt near his foot absolutely fascinating tells you everything that you need to know

eight flowers

eight letters

i l-o-v-e y-o-u

when the devil drives.

pairing — jeonghan x fem!reader ft. bestie!joshua

word count — 23.7k

genres — road trip au, exes to friends with benefits to lovers, fighting as flirting, angst, fluff, smut (fingering, vaginal penetration, dirty talk, slight praise, cunnilingus)

warnings — toxic relationships, swearing and threatening language, explicit sexual content, they're both infuriating (yes that needs a warning, trust me)

summary — when your best friend breaks his leg and cancels your summer getaway, jeonghan turns up in his place to take you home from college on what was supposed to be a five hour car ride. except he has other plans, and you end up with more than you bargained for on a week-long road trip to nowhere with the cynical, silvertongued ex-boyfriend whom you're still kinda sorta in love with.

note — it's finally done. the bane of my existence. please enjoy the fic that made me so stressed that it delayed my period by like a week. on a lighter note, there's a playlist. enjoy <3

go to main masterlist | svt masterlist

THREE YEARS EARLIER.

The person in the mirror is not you.

The person in the mirror is beautiful when you’ve only ever felt pretty, mature even though you still feel like an overgrown child, and confident despite the fact that your heart is beating right out of your chest. Despite her makeover skills being limited to being practiced only on fortnightly dates, your mom has actually done an incredible job with you. Long hours of youtube video-watching and swatting you to remind you to sit still have finally paid off.

You trail your lilac-coated fingertips over your bare collar, marveling at the way your skin throws off light. It probably wouldn’t take much to convince your friends that it’s actually makeup instead of sweat doing the job, but it probably isn’t worth it. You stand up, looking down at the ruffled skirt of the purple dress you picked out at the mall weeks ago. Then, glancing back up at the mirror, you lift a hand to your arm, giving it a light pinch.

The yelp leaves your lips right as your mother opens the door to your bedroom, gesturing frantically with a makeup brush. “Honey, he’s here,” she informs you in a rapid hiss, looking as giddy as if it were her final prom night. “Get downstairs, quickly.”

“But my phone, and my purse—”

“They’re downstairs. First drawer of the credenza.” She slams the door shut before you can get a word in, leaving you standing in the middle of the room feeling even more alone than before.

You begin chewing on your bottom lip, and stop when you remember her specific instructions against ruining the lipstick. Smoothing down the ruffles with fluttering hands, you cast one last, yearning glance at the full-length mirror before going to the door, unlocking it gently and stepping outside.

The walk to the edge of the staircase is short, but it feels like more than an hour has passed by the time you get to it. You take a deep breath, clutching the balustrade with trembling fingers, and pause.

The noise had gone unnoticed by you earlier, owing to the anxious clamoring of overlapping thoughts in your head, but now if you pay attention you can hear your father’s stern tones, no doubt questioning your date at the front door. Anxious once more, you take a step back, wringing your hands. You carefully tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, running your hands over your skirt again, letting the texture of the ruffles calm you down. Okay, okay, I can do this, you think, placing the ball of your thumb between your teeth. It’s no big deal.

No big deal at all.

“Dad, quit grilling him,” you call out, and finally step into view. Your father looks up, and so does the poor boy he’s been cross-examining for who knows how long. You feel your face heat up at suddenly being brought into the spotlight, but manage a small smile.

You think you see your dad’s eyes misting over, but then your eyes automatically stray over to the person whose reaction you’ve been anticipating more. Your date is standing there slack-jawed, the top of his slightly-loosened tie visible as the bouquet of roses in his hands droops from inattentiveness. 

“Hi,” you say shyly, pleased at his reaction. Then, raising your hands above your dress, you give him a slow twirl. “So,” you say breathlessly, “how do I look?”

Jeonghan’s eyes are bright with fervor, the grip on the plastic cover around the flowers tighter than before, which you can tell by the way the blood has receded from his knuckles.

And he doesn’t say anything at all.

NOW.

“And done,” you say, slapping the end of the packing tape on the side of what you hope is the last carton. Then, still squatting, you place a hand on the side and lean back to examine your handiwork. To your dismay, the end of the tape has already begun to curl. "You think that’ll keep?"

"Absolutely," your roommate, Mina, hums in a way that tells you she isn’t listening. You glance back at her exasperatedly, and she gives you an apologetic grin. “Listen, I’m beyond caring at this point. That was the last of them, right?”

“Checklist.” You point at her, and she sighs, her acrylic nails tapping against the glitzy pink clipboard in her hands. 

“Yes, mother.”

Straightening, you place your hands on your hips and survey the area like the captain of a ship sailing into unknown waters. Your shared room, which had once been a safe haven strewn with comforters and fluffy rugs, is now overrun by corrugated cardboard boxes, some bulging and some rattling, almost all sealed unevenly with old dried-up tape. You rub your creased forehead. “I feel like we should’ve gotten professionals to do this work for us. The RA even recommended someone who gives out discounts for people who move before summer.”

“Are you kidding? We did a pretty bang-up job, considering this was all last-minute, and for free too,” Mina exclaims. “Plus, I would never trust a stranger with my ceramic dolls.” 

“You wouldn’t trust me with them, and I’ve been holding your hair up while you vomited in the toilet for months,” you complain. “Did we pack everything?”

She hums under her breath again, chewing on her bottom lip as her eyes roll down over the checklist. “I think so. Did you finish packing?”

“Yep.”

Mina looks sideways at one corner of the room, where your lone olive-green suitcase sits flush against the wall. “I still don’t understand how you’re going to survive a whole summer on just that.”

“It’s not a whole summer,” you correct. The thought of leaving fills you with a buzzing excitement, and you have to bite your lip to stop the smile from unfurling like a banner over your face. “Just a couple of weeks out in nature. And maybe a few motels. Neither place really requires much clothing.”

She makes a face, but dismisses the line of conversation with a wave of her hand. “Whatever you say,” she says. "Now, help me push these out into the hallway?"

You groan, but oblige. It’s mostly your fault that the two of you had to pack everything yourselves, since you picked the last possible day to move out before you’d have been thrown out of the dorms. Most of your stuff is already gone, but as a dutiful roommate, you’d promised Mina that you’d help her out before leaving for the summer. So, here you are, running on less than three hours of sleep, having spent most of this morning and the night before squeezing piles of clothes into boxes and folding bubble wrap like splints.

When you’re done, Mina takes the elevator down with you, and the sole suitcase you’re carrying feels even lighter than it is after all the boxes you'd been lugging around. When the metal doors slide open at the ground floor, you let go of a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

Mina pats your hand. Her clipboard is still tucked under her arm. “Don’t be so worried.”

You let out an uncertain laugh that fades quickly into a grimace, fingers clenched tight around the handle of your suitcase. “Why would I be worried?”

She pries your fingers out of their vice-like grip. “Exactly,” she says, grabbing the handle in your stead and pulling the suitcase out of the elevator, leaving you to awkwardly follow along, not quite knowing what to do with your hands. “After all your unfounded confidence in your packing and planning skills, it would be a shame if you lost faith in them now.” You can’t help but smile a bit at that, but for some reason, you still feel squeamish. “We’re not late, are we?”

Pushing your irrational anxiety aside, you hurriedly check your watch. “Well, um, a little,” you say with a shrug, “but Josh makes it a point never to show up until it’s fifteen minutes past our appointment.”

“So it’s all dandy then,” she says, her voice a bit further away, and when you look up you realize that she’s more than just a few steps ahead of you despite the heels and the suitcase, and you hasten your step. “Just make sure to check your pockets for condoms—”

“Mina.”

“—and your phone and wallet, and pepper spray.” She catches the stern look on your face. “You know, just in case.” She stops suddenly, and you almost trip over your own luggage. You look up at her in exasperation, but stop short upon noting the confusion on her face. “Is that Joshua?”

You follow her gaze across the parking lot, and spot the unmistakable blue Corolla parked a couple spots over. There’s a figure leaning against the side, his stark blonde hair makes the heated air shimmer like a halo over his head. Your first thought is oh, he dyed his hair. Your second is that’s not Joshua.

“What?” Mina looks confused, even as she falls into step beside you as you begin to stalk your way through the lot. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing yet,” you mutter as you reach the car. The blonde looks up, and your heart jumps into your throat. “What the hell are you doing here?”

The boy who is not Joshua tilts his head questioningly. “Why the cold reception?” Jeonghan asks. 

You raise your eyebrows, incredulous, and are just about to open your mouth to elaborate on just why he’s getting a cold reception when Mina places a placating hand on your arm. “Hi, I’m Mina,” she says, putting on a bright smile, no doubt to outweigh the dark glare you’ve directed at his face. “The roommate.”

“Jeonghan.” He inclines his head with a neutral yet pleasant smile of his own, glancing at you. His smile falls almost comically upon seeing the expression on your face. “The…”

“You didn’t answer my question,” you interject, relentless. Mina is looking more and more discomfited by the second, but you scarcely notice. 

“The ex,” Jeonghan completes. He then turns to you, raising a cool eyebrow. “I thought you knew,” he says.

“Knew what?” You demand. 

He straightens, slowly drawing his hands out of his pockets, and you almost regret asking the question. Always the dramatics, you think bitingly. “That there’s been a slight change of plans.”

There was a time you thought you could trust Joshua Hong.

For the major part of your life, he had been the one person you could rely on for (mostly) everything, even when that something involved needing someone to catch you when you snuck out your window at 2 a.m., or knowing you’d always have a clean band-aid to use if you scraped your knee biking through a junkyard.

That time was approximately a minute and twenty seconds ago, when you hadn’t pulled out your phone with its unrepaired crack and checked the unread messages—the most recent of which were from him. It says sorry, and that he’s broken his leg and won’t be able to drive you from your dorm for the planned road trip. The crack lands right over the word sorry.

You know it’s been a minute and twenty seconds because you’ve been counting.

It’s like a bubble has burst inside your chest. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you mumble softly, clenching your fingers tighter around your poor phone, which might end up with another crack if you squeeze it any further. “And he couldn’t tell me this before.”

“So you’ve been saying,” says the unwelcome replacement Joshua sent in his place. Jeonghan doesn’t have a trace of sympathy on his face as he folds his arms across his chest and checks the time on his watch. “Not to sound like an asshole, but it’s already three o’clock. We were supposed to be in town before dark, and it’s at least five hours from here.”

His voice is flat, utterly unsympathetic to your frustration. You’re still reeling, which is the only reason you don’t snap back immediately. It’s bad enough that your best friend isn’t here after all the work that went into planning and budgeting your trip, but Yoon Jeonghan’s presence is like salt on the wound. 

Maybe you’d say something snarky if it hadn’t been eight full months since you’d last talked to him. If the anger from your last conversation hadn’t faded over the long months and turned into something more…malleable. Manageable, as if you could ever have associated the word with him, with the feeling that you were swallowing hot coals every time you looked at him. You still remember the last time you talked to him in painstaking detail, and as you realize that fact, the memory comes rushing back, alongside the feeling that you’re going to throw up.

“So...that’s it?” You don’t know if you’re supposed to be nice to him. Exes have never before been an issue for you because you’ve never really had one before. “Joshua breaks his leg, so he sends you over.” Like nothing ever happened between us, you want to say, but your tongue seems to curl up when you try. “As a stand-in?”

The corner of his mouth twitches, and you can tell he’s holding back some words of his own. “Call it what you want, sweetheart,” he says, and you feel like you’ve been slapped across the face.

Part of you knows that he’s just trying to rile you up, but unfortunately, he’s had a lot of practice at it, so it’s working. You find yourself wishing that you hadn’t sent Mina away with nothing more than a short hug and a few words, but ever since you spotted Jeonghan across the parking lot you’ve been feeling about as steady as a salt shaker. Some support right now would’ve been nice.

Your fingers unclench from around the phone. There’s two ways this could go—the good way, in which both of you pretend that nothing ever happened, or the bad way, and you don’t even know what the worst case scenario could be. Jeonghan has never been a patient person, but right now, even as you stand silently in front of him after months of no contact, he seems unresponsive. Something hurt and hungry rears its head inside you at his hollow indifference, and you taste a familiar venom at the back of your tongue.

But you’re not going to give him the satisfaction. 

“Why are you doing this?” you ask instead.

Jeonghan shrugs. You’re not sure if you just imagined the tension going out of his shoulders. “I owed Joshua a favor.”

You raise your eyebrows. “You expect me to believe that?”

His lips thin. “Would you believe me if I said it was a big favor?” he asks casually, but his shoulders are tense again.

You’re aware of the intensity with which you’re watching him, and the fervence with which he’s avoiding your gaze. “No.”

“Figured.” He looks away right before you manage to catch the look in his eyes. “Is that all you’re carrying, or…?”

You look back at your olive green suitcase, the handle still pulled out, lying forgotten a couple of steps away from you. You don’t remember having moved towards Jeonghan during the course of your conversation, and you’re surprised enough by the realization that your chest tightens for a second. “That’s all,” you say numbly, and Jeonghan turns to pull open the car door.

“Well, then, we don’t have all day,” he says, gesturing to the seat. You feel a twinge of irritation again, but say nothing, roughly grabbing the suitcase handle and yanking a door open. Asshole, asshole, asshole, you chant in your head. This is going to be the worst drive of your life.

Even worse, you find it impossible to fall asleep.

Somehow, it’s not the noise. Jeonghan doesn’t whistle, and he doesn’t turn on the radio, or try to make small talk that would make you want to tear your hair out. He remains perfectly silent, not saying a single word to you after starting the car, not even an offer to stop by a corner store or for a drink of water. It’s been some time since the loud city faded into empty, expansive grasslands on either side of the highway, but you’re still wide awake.

Maybe it’s the silence that keeps you up, or whatever it is that it implies. You’re on edge, and your mind is churning, struggling between being mad at Joshua or being mad at Jeonghan or being mad at yourself for giving a shit. You’re still so shaken by Jeonghan’s sudden reappearance that you haven’t even begun to process anything else.

I’m going home, you think numbly, but even that thought evokes only a dull response in you. You think about the weeks building up to the summer, the calls with your dad. Your not-so-meticulously packed suitcase lies in the car’s boot, probably collecting dust if you know anything about the state of Joshua’s car. Much like all your dreams of summer. No beers, and no swimming pools, and certainly no Joshua.

You look over at Jeonghan again, but he doesn’t even seem to notice. You must be in a daze, because for a moment, you think about leaning over and nudging him.

What makes seeing him so much worse is that he looks almost exactly the same as he used to. The same hands, the same eyes, even his hair is still bleached the same silvery-white. The first button of his white shirt is opened, revealing a sliver of tanned skin inside. He always wore pressed shirts and sweater vests—and here a venomous thought enters your mind—when he really should be wearing a straightjacket instead.

When you knew him a year ago, he had been beautiful, but it was a beauty that was yours to possess, to kiss and to touch and to hold. He’s still beautiful, but now it’s the kind of beauty that makes him untouchable. The kind that belongs behind a glass pane, like a fragile display made out of cards or glass or papyrus in a museum exhibit that you would stare at with wonder in your eyes, yearning to reach out but holding yourself back knowing that a single touch could send it crashing to the floor. No, you can’t allow yourself to touch him now.

So you cross your arms, tuck your fingers under your biceps, and turn to glare out the window instead.

You switch with him after the first stop at a gas station.

“I’ll be right back,” Jeonghan had told you before heading in, and you’d taken the opportunity to get out and stretch your legs. When he comes back carrying a plastic bag from the convenience store, it takes him a few minutes before he notices standing forlornly in front of a tree.

“What?” he asks, only half curious. It’s a tall three, thick-trunked, with segmented branches that end in spiky gray-green leaves that make it look like a high school rocker with too much hairspray.

“It’s a Joshua tree,” you reply mournfully.

“Oh my god,” he mutters, and you turn to him with an evil look in your eye as you begin the walk back to the car. “He broke his leg, not his neck.”

“Of course it’s all the same to you,” you fire back. Jeonghan unlocks the Corolla with short, sharp movements that show his exasperation, and tosses the keys to you. You catch them, going around to the driver’s seat, as he leans in and pushes against the lumpy plastic bag, trying to make space for it on the dashboard. “A broken leg is pretty painful.”

“More painful for you than him, apparently,” Jeonghan grunts. With a final push, he manages to make the bag stay, and climbs into the car, shutting the door behind him before pulling on the seatbelt. He turns to look at you with his forehead furrowed as the car starts rolling forward. “I thought you wouldn’t want to drive.”

“Why, because you think I’m sulking?” you ask, offense creeping into your voice. Your neck is already coated in sweat, and you’re not sure if it’s because of the weather or just a bodily reaction to your feelings.

“I’d say it’s normal to be upset about your best friend being hurt.” Jeonghan shrugs.

“I’m not upset about that,” you snap. 

“You’re not upset about your best friend being hurt?”

“I am. I just mean—” You break off, irritated. The sweat is now drying because of the hot air coming in through the open tops of the windows, making your skin itch. You just twist your shoulder backwards, unwilling to let go of the steering wheel because if you do, you might just sock Jeonghan in the mouth. “It kind of brings things to a halt. For both him and me.”

Jeonghan leans against the side. “I wouldn’t call one canceled trip bringing your life to a halt.”

Your head is beginning to hurt. “You’re right,” you say testily. “It’s just really fucking inconvenient.”

“Inconvenient?” he echoes. “You get to go home to sweet Joshua. Nurse him through his grievously traumatic injury. It could be a bonding experience, unless you’re bent on calling the poor incapacitated boy an inconvenience.”

“I never—” You grit your teeth, forcing down your rising anger. The heat has begun to crawl like a swarm of fire ants, up your neck and down your back. “I’m surprised he only broke his leg,” you say savagely. “Considering that he thought of sending you in his place, instead of literally anyone else, I wonder how he didn’t get a concussion instead.”

Jeonghan laughs. “All this anger over a little road trip? What exactly were the two of you planning to do, pray tell? I feel like I’m missing out.”

You kiss your teeth, thinking better of responding with another biting comment. Your skin is sweaty and itchy and hot and there’s still a good four hours before you get home. Going at it with him isn’t going to help your mood. You tell yourself that it’s been eight months, you’ve grown, you’ve become a better person. You’re not going to fall for his bait.

Then Jeonghan says, “You could always tour his bedroom.”

In your head, you slam on the brakes, bringing the car to an immediate halt for dramatic effect. In real life, however, you’re painfully aware of how Jeonghan’s lack of a seatbelt would send him flying into the windshield, so you slow down before coming to a rolling stop at the side of the road. Your throat feels like hot lava.

“Really?” the perpetrator asks, raising an eyebrow. “It’s the witless bedroom comment that gets you?”

You clench and unclench your jaw a couple of times, trying to bring your temper down, but to no avail. Your hands on the wheel are unusually tight, as if trying to close into complete fists around it, so you have to forcefully pry your fingers apart before you unlock the door and step out of the car.

Jeonghan copies your movements, getting out of his seat to lean over the hood of the car, his posture suggesting curiosity rather than sympathy. His lips part, no doubt in preparation to say something to push you over the proverbial edge, and warning bells go off inside your head.

“Shut up,” you snap, and he recoils, blinking in surprise.

“I didn’t—”

“Shut up,” you repeat decisively, turning to level your gaze at him like the tip of a sword. “I didn’t ask for you to be an ideal travelling companion, but the least you could do is shut the fuck up.”

Jeonghan says nothing, but his eyes stay on your face, intent and oddly unnerving. You force yourself to look away lest you give away some kind of weakness in your expression—being civil is your best bet to last the duration of the ride, but this is still a push-and-pull. With him, it always is.

“This was supposed to be the last summer we had before graduating and getting jobs and moving to different parts of the country,” you say through clenched teeth. “It wasn’t even going to be that big of a deal—just being on the road for a few weeks with each other for company, having no responsibilities, no destinations, and no deadlines. And then he had to go and fuck himself over, and fuck me over in the process, and now it’s weeks and weeks of work gone to waste, and all I’ve been looking forward to is dust. And on top of that, you had to come in and do what you do best, which is twist everything I say and make me feel like shit about it like it's your god-given right to ruin my life. So, yeah, it’s the fucking—” 

The anger seems to have gone out of you somewhere towards the end, and you feel yourself deflate like a pricked balloon. “And it’s so fucking hot, too,” you mumble, burying your face in your hands. Then, face still covered, you laugh, feeling ridiculous and petulant like a child after throwing a temper tantrum about a broken toy. “Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s not your fault for having to drive me, and it’s not Joshua’s fault for getting his goddamned leg broken. I’m just…” You struggle to find the right words to express your frustration, but ultimately give up. “It’s so hot,” you whisper.

Your face burns, and you’re no longer sure if it’s from anger or embarrassment. It’s unusual for you to lose your composure, but you must have been more affected by this than you had imagined. Or maybe it’s just Jeonghan bringing out the violence in your emotions again.

Speak of the devil. Jeonghan steps around the front of the car and comes to a stop in front of you, hands very still at his sides, yet tensed as if they’re about to move. Suddenly you feel very tired, and very, very small.

“Let me drive the rest of the way.” His tone is gentler than you expected, but you’re still not brave enough to meet his eyes. He hesitates, like he’s about to say something else, but then his lips press into a thin, concerned line. You remember that expression from years ago, his eyes warm, a hand reaching over to curl around yours. Now, it just feels alien.

“Get some rest,” he finally says, and you don’t have the heart to fight back.

It’s been half an hour, and you still haven’t said a word to each other. Whatever pretense of cordiality you thought could be preserved is gone—if it had even existed in the first place—and the tension in the air is thick enough that you could carve something out of it. You’re beginning to get a little tired of the silence, now that the noise in your head has begun to quiet down just enough so you can actually think.

At least he’s turned the air conditioner on, which is a small mercy. You don’t know how you forgot about it before, but it probably had something to do with your rising irritation and the complete lack of awareness due to your blinding rage. Maybe if you’d just retained enough sense to turn the stupid freaking air conditioner on, you wouldn’t have had a loud, embarrassing breakdown in the middle of the freeway.

“I can hear your internal monologue from all the way over here,” Jeonghan says, making you start. It’s almost as if he actually can hear every single one of your thoughts—which shouldn’t be so surprising, considering your history. Your heart’s startled palpitations turn into a painful squeeze. “Stop thinking so hard and get some sleep.”

“It’s not like I’m not trying,” you mutter. “I’m just…restless.”

“Can’t wait to get home?”

You scoff. “Yep,” you say, dragging the syllable sarcastically. “Can’t wait to get home.”

Jeonghan catches your eye in the rearview mirror. There’s something quietly thoughtful brimming behind his eyes, and although you can’t quite put your finger on why, it makes you sit a bit more easily. It could be that you’re glad he isn’t too mad at you—people pleaser that you are—but it’s more likely that the look is…familiar. Familiar enough that relaxing in reaction to it is an instinct your body hasn’t gotten rid of just yet. Fucking biology. “We don’t have to go home if you don’t want to,” he says with pretend nonchalance, looking away.

You laugh, a little sadly, and uncross your arms to rub your hands down your biceps. “Where else am I supposed to go?”

It’s quiet for another moment. This time, it’s you who can almost hear the gears turning in Jeonghan’s head. You can’t help but anticipate what he’s going to say. “I don’t know,” he says, voice so muted that you have to look at his mouth to make sure you can correctly make out what he’s saying. “Where were you planning to go with Joshua?”

Your breath catches in your throat. “No,” you say firmly right as he asks the question, your voice a little rough and more than a little hoarse. You’re sitting stock-still now, like you touched a live wire and have been electrified in place. “Don’t even think of going there.”

He shrugs, and you can see the slightest hint of tension in his neck muscles when they flex with the movement. “If we take the highway, there’s a motel about half an hour from—”

“Don’t,” you say through your teeth. He’s still not looking at you. “Jeonghan, stop it.”

“Two days,” he says, unrelenting. His eyes finally flicker to yours, and you feel something stutter in your heart when you see the first hint of genuine emotion in his expression. The first time in eight months. “If we take the U-turn up ahead and keep going, it takes two days to lead up to the bay. Just two days. We could stay in a bed-and-breakfast, and if you still want to go back after that, I’ll take you home. No stops.”

You swallow back the dry patch in your throat. It feels wrong to see him like this, so eager when he greeted you with all the warmth of an icicle just a couple hours ago in the parking lot behind your apartment building. You know some part of it is because of your unintended meltdown in the middle of the road an hour ago, but the whole proposal reeks of pity.

“Not funny,” you say shakily.

“I’m not joking,” comes the simple reply.

“What’s the catch?” you ask sharply. “Not even half an hour ago you were letting me know exactly what you thought of road trips and risks. Why the sudden change of heart, huh, Jeonghan? If you tell me it’s because you feel guilty, I swear to god I’ll punch you.”

“Well,” he starts, lifting a single shoulder, “I don’t really have anything better to do. And if I take you home right now your mom will definitely make me stay for dinner, which would be awkward for both of us.” He shrugs. “And…maybe I want to spite Joshua. For breaking his leg playing soccer with little kids, and making me come all this way just to pick up an ungrateful little alley cat who could’ve just taken the bus.” 

You lapse into silence for a few moments. Then: “He really broke his leg playing soccer with little kids?”

“Yes,” Jeonghan replies, but not without an eye roll to accompany it. He looks at you then. “So what will it be, sweetheart?”

You know in your heart that there’s only one right answer to that question, and it’s a resounding no.

But then, if you’d been sensible enough to listen to your heart, you probably wouldn’t have ended up five hours away from home in a shitty old college majoring in fucking math of all things. So of course you tell him to turn the car around.

Jeonghan has always been an ass with apologies.

Which is ironic, because ever since you first met him, you’d known that he had the gift of the gab (for lack of a better phrase). His talents had always been in lying and talking and picking exactly the right quote from a classic text to make himself sound smart—which, admittedly, he is. He went from making people pay him to write their college essays and down the natural pipeline to majoring in literature at a fancy place. He’s always been good at making you angry, but you don’t think he’s ever figured out how to make things right. Or care enough to work for it.

So when Jeonghan knocks on the door and you open it to find him with a beer bottle in his hand, you’re only slightly surprised to see it. 

When he comes in, his eyes go straight to the double bed. He steps inside the room (at the first motel you’d seen which advertised running hot water, which makes no damn sense anyway because it’s over a hundred degrees outside and neither of you is taking a hot bath anytime soon, but whatever). The blades of the ceiling fan spin lazily, barely even disturbing his hair.

“The speed for the fan doesn’t go beyond three, and the air conditioner only works between seven and seven,” you inform him as you sit back on the bed, your suitcase open on the mattress in front of you. 

Jeonghan nods, and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing. He’s probably not used to this kind of place at all, but if you’re going on the road with him, you’re not pulling your punches. You’re happy enough with the arrangements yourself, being accustomed to living in even worse conditions. His description of you as an ungrateful little alley cat wasn’t far from the mark. It could always be worse, but you don’t tell him that.

You’d decided against calling your parents—or Joshua—to inform them about your change in plans, and had instead chosen a few simple texts to convey the information. They trust you enough to deal with your last-minute changes, but you know that there’s going to be a lot of questions about your choice of companion when you get back. Those questions, however, you can confidently avoid thinking about at least until you get back. And as for Joshua—he should’ve known better, you think primly. 

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan says suddenly, breaking you out of your reverie. The beer bottle sits guilty in his grip. Gotcha, you think. “For riling you up in the car. Being around you kind of triggers my fight or flight instinct, and I’ve never been much of a runner. Heaven knows my dad tried, though.”

You half smile in acknowledgement. His expression is awkward, which makes your smile widen. The apology in no way makes up for your history, but now that you're already halfway through your decision, you decide to put him out of his misery and call a truce.

Leaning forward, you take the beer he offers you, raising it in his direction like a salute. “You’re good enough with words to make up for your lack of athletic ability,” you say, making the corners of his lips curl up. “And the pen is mightier than the sword, as they say. Care for a sip?”

He shakes his head no. “Can’t blame you,” you say, nodding sagely as you casually uncap the bottle with your teeth. “Beer does taste like piss when warm.”

“Or cold. Or room temperature,” he says. “I don’t know how you manage to keep it down.”

“Needs must.” You grin, patting the empty space on the mattress next to you, and he indulges your request. “So, I was thinking about what you said,” you start, taking a square of paper from between folded clothes and books in your unzipped suitcase, and unfolding it. “I’ve been going over the route Josh and I picked out for the trip, but I thought of making some changes.” You run your fingertips over a squiggly blue line marked on the map, and tap a spot outside it. “We could visit the museum. Take a meandering route, make a few stops here-and-there before we actually get to the bay.”

Jeonghan peers over your shoulder. “That’s about eight hours from here.”

“Mhm,” you say, putting the lip of the bottle to your mouth and taking a gulp. You make a face as you swallow. “Damn. I thought it was kind of clichéd, but warm beer really does taste like piss.”

“I did warn you.” He’s stiffened a bit. You sniff the air, wondering if something stinks. 

“Well, uh,” you mutter under your breath, and bring the bottle back up to your lips with slow, careful motions. “We could make a few pit stops over here, and go to the shore later. Then there’s the wharf.” Your fingertip moves over the map.

Jeonghan looks at the spot you’re pointing at. His gaze shifts to your hand, then up over your arm, all the way to your bared shoulder—which you realize is mere inches from his face. 

He’s stopping breathing, as if afraid to exhale on your skin. You open your mouth to make a joke, but it dies in your throat. Your mouth remains open, no words coming out. Jeonghan lifts his eyes up to yours, and you feel your heart jump. The scent of green apple shampoo envelopes you.

Something thumps on the roof above. Jeonghan looks up, and you take the opportunity to nimbly shift away. “Do you think that was a rat or a person?” you wonder aloud.

“I’m not sure which I’d rather have it be,” he answers, getting to his feet. You look up at him, the beer bottle in your hand barely empty, but you’re already feeling lightheaded. “Dinner?”

Dinner is uneventful. You usually hate forcing pointless conversations, but now you find yourself broaching all kinds of topics from the weather to the food to the ketchup stain on the waiter’s apron.

Jeonghan is polite, laughing at the right moments and nodding along when you need him to listen, but you feel fidgety on the worn leather seat that you normally would have sunk comfortably into. The long-drawn conversation makes you feel like you’re talking to a stranger, not someone you’ve known for the most part of your life. Not for the first time, you mourn a friendship that has seemingly dissolved after your break-up.

By the time the two of you walk back, it’s almost ten. You pass under more than a few flickering streetlights, but they are more than made up for by the neon signs that begin to light up after dark.

When you get back to the room, all you can think about is the double bed. How convenient, you think to yourself, more than a little miserably when you think back to the tiny moment you shared while looking over the map. While you’ve moved on from Jeonghan, your body clearly hasn’t, if the way it reacted to his scent is anything to go by. And you have moved on. Why else would you be so comfortable basically running away with him?

“I hope the lock works,” Jeonghan mutters to himself as he locks the door for the night. You’re less confident, so you zip your bag back up and push it flush against the white door, propping the handle against the top.

Your phone rings, and you take it out, checking the caller ID. Joshua. You look up, and find Jeonghan looking at you, his face blank. Feeling unsettled, you reject the call, and put your phone away.

Now that it’s just the two of you with no dinners or strangers or ketchup stains to distract your conversations, the two of you fall into a pregnant silence. Jeonghan thumbs the collar of his shirt idly, looking at the bed with a glazed-over expression. You sidle by the bed and place a pillow in the middle, then stand back to survey your work.

“It looks like a face,” Jeonghan says.

“We can share the blanket,” you allow. For all the burning heat of the mid-afternoon sun, you know that the nights in the desert are cruelly cold, especially so within the paper-thin walls of the motel room. “Do you want to keep the fan on?”

“I’m good.” For some reason, Jeonghan looks ill. “You know…I just realized I don’t have a single change of clothes.”

You take a good look at his current attire, and it’s definitely not an excuse to stare. He’s wearing a plain white shirt, as you noted before. It’s fitted but billows faintly about his frame, making him look like a prince of old. His hair falls in soft blonde waves down to his neck, brushing the very top of his collar, and a few stray strands frame his face. Even though the harsh fluorescent lights draw the color from his face, the sheen of sweat over his cheekbones make them shine. You watch, transfixed, as Jeonghan’s fingers slip from the collar to the undone button, the pad of his thumb shaping the outline of it.

And he’s also wearing jeans. The jeans are reusable, you think, blinking yourself out of your stupor. Get a hold on yourself. But you can already pick out the stained collar of his shirt with ease. “We can go shopping tomorrow,” you suggest, clearing away the thickness of your voice. “Restock your supply of Walmart t-shirts.”

He looks at you with narrowed eyes, and you allow yourself a smile.

When all the blinds are all drawn and the lights turn off, you’re the first under the blankets. The pillow you’d ceremoniously placed down as a barrier between the two of you is flush against your back as you curl into yourself. You feel the mattress dip and the bed frame creak as Jeonghan gets into bed. It feels strange to have him in the same bed again, something you used to yearn for, now something so strange and troubling.

“Neighbors are loud,” he states, his voice muffled. You curl your fingers into the bedspread, and sigh silently before turning on your side so you’re facing him. Sure enough, now that you’re paying attention you can hear party music bleeding in from the room next to yours.

Jeonghan is nothing more than a dark outline against the sparing light that seeps in from under the door. “G’night,” you say softly. Softer than you intended, anyway. You bite your lip and duck your head under the blanket, feeling inexplicably schoolgirlish.

With the way your heart beats in your chest, it sounds almost as loud as the music coming from next door. You’re almost worried about him hearing it, but if he does, he doesn’t betray a thought. There’s no way I’m falling asleep like this, you think to yourself, but it doesn’t take more than a few minutes before you’re at the soft edges of sleep.

“Good night,” Jeonghan whispers back, just as you begin to drift off.

True to your word, the first place you put on your list of shopping locations is the local Walmart.

“You know I intend to wear these newly-acquired clothes outside of this trip, right?” Jeonghan complains as you browse a rack of t-shirts that advertise themselves as being up to fifty percent off! “You’re wasting your time if you think I’m going to spend my well-earned money on anything here.”

“May I remind you, mister, that this whole trip thing was your idea?" you ask, pulling out a tie-dyed shirt that’s a swirl of shades of peach and baby blue, and holding it up in front of his frame with an appreciative hum. “Plus, don’t you feel gross in your sweaty old underwear? This could be the splash of color your wardrobe so desperately needs.”

Jeonghan looks unimpressed. He pushes the tie-dye down, looking over it at you with a shake of his head. “I know better than to trust your choices, even those made with good intentions. And your intentions at the moment are clearly not good,” he emphasizes. “Anyway, this is not the underwear section.”

You raise your eyebrows, and look behind you pointedly at what is, actually, the underwear section. Jeonghan follows your gaze to the display of Fruit of the Loom underwear. “No, nope,” he murmurs. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Too good for Walmart underwear, are we?” You wrinkle your nose, but don't press the issue, moving instead towards another part of the t-shirts section. The tie-dye stays in your hand, though. 

“With underwear, I always believe that what you get is what you pay for,” Jeonghan says, then frowns. “What are you doing?”

You look up, innocent. “These crewnecks are on sale too.”

“That’s because it’s the peak of blistering summer,” he says, exasperated. “No one’s wearing crewnecks.”

“At night, though.”

“I’m not wearing a crewneck to bed.”

You’re about to crack a joke about going on long walks by the beach, but think better of it. Jeonghan looks confused by your sudden surrender, but you’re too busy looking in every other direction possible as a prickly heat crawls up your neck. “You really are a snob,” you mumble.

“I’m not a snob.” He rolls his eyes. “Can we go somewhere else? Anywhere else?”

You glance back, coy. “Anywhere?”

He grimaces. “I take that back.”

“Your wish is my command.” You wave the blue-and-coral tie-dye in the air. “We’re buying this one though. Don’t think for a second I’m gonna let you walk out of here empty-handed.”

For once, Jeonghan doesn’t complain, but he does purse his lips to make his feelings clear. “I guess I could make use of it when I have no clean clothes left.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad.”

He still pays for it—and some clean, much-needed underwear, despite his many complaints—at the counter, and you’re honestly surprised at how civil he's being. You'd thought that it would require a lot more effort to make this whole thing as smooth as possible after the fiasco in the car, but he's been on his beat behavior since then.

Despite your outburst and Jeonghan’s subsequent apology, you’re aware that neither of you have actually broached the reason for this tension. It’s much easier to just not think about the break-up, and act like it never happened, because that’s a whole can of worms right there that you do not wish to open. 

You wish you could unscrew the top of your head and bring your brain out. Give it a good shake to dust off all the stray thoughts you keep having about Jeonghan and your self-control and your relationship, and just let yourself enjoy the ride. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

“We could go thrifting,” you suggest once you’re in the car, and for once, Jeonghan doesn’t seem too opposed to the idea.

The first thrift store you find on the GPS is small and plain-looking, but upon entering the dilapidated, run-down looking building you quickly learn not to judge the book by its cover. Inside, Jeonghan picks up a fluffy hot pink scarf with a wince, and you can’t help but laugh.

“You should try that one on, actually. It matches your mean girl vibe,” you point out, digging through the bin where he found the scarf in question.

“I like mean girl better than snob.” He slings the scarf around his neck. He'd decided to trade in his white button-up for the tie-dye you got from Walmart, but not before proclaiming that it was only because he needed clean clothes to wear. “It sounds more like a phase that way.”

“It doesn’t fit as well though,” you say, bringing out a sequined shirt. “Ooh, try this one. The disco vibes would make you a hit at the local club.”

“Thirty years ago, maybe,” he grumbles, but adds it to the cart. “Can’t you look for something more…”

“Boring?”

“Classy,” he finishes with a pointed look.

You grin. “As my lord pleases,” you announce, and hold up a plain brown t-shirt. Jeonghan arches his eyebrows, looking mildly surprised and skeptical, until you turn it around to reveal the Twilight logo with the faces of the main trio plastered below it. “Doth thou find this to thy liking, good sir?”

There’s an expression of part disgust, part enjoyment (and is that a glimpse of fondness you catch in his eye?) on his face. “Verily, fair maiden. It is to my utmost satisfaction,” he replies, a smile playing on his lips. “And it would be dost, not doth.”

“Very well.” You drop the shirt into the cart and straighten, grin unwavering. “Let us look around.”

He offers you his arm, and you hesitate only a millisecond before taking it. “Shall we?”

You nod, keeping the smile in place. “We shall.”

The two of you end up staying in the store until it closes, losing track of time as Jeonghan models different outfits you throw together—“This one has a dick drawn on the back.” “I know, right?”—and bring to him in the changing rooms. It’s not entirely a waste—he actually ends up finding some decent clothes, which you make him pack into a hello kitty backpack, and you buy the heart-shaped sunglasses that manage to catch your attention. By the time you come out and agree to get an unhealthy dinner from a McDonald’s drive-thru, it’s almost nine, but you’re on a dopamine high that you know is going to keep you up for a long while.

Also, you kind of don’t want to go to sleep. Going to sleep means finding a cheap place to stay, with vacancies, during tourist season, which means you’re probably only going to find a single bed. After all you’ve done to keep an invisible barrier between the two of you today (which is to say: not much) you don’t trust yourself enough to try to risk sleeping in the same bed again.

Jeonghan seems to have had the same idea, so you end up taking mini naps while switching with him to drive all night to the next destination. Most of the night, at least. It’s about four in the morning when you realize you’re beginning to nod off in the driver’s seat, so you pull over and nudge Jeonghan awake.

“I don’t think going on is good for our health,” you tell him seriously.

He’s still half-asleep, but he bestirs himself at your words, rubbing his eyes with the knuckles of a closed fist. “Uh, okay,” he mutters, opening his eyes wide and blinking the sleep out of them. “Why?”

“It’s irresponsible,” you insist. “You know, from a road safety perspective. Also, I almost drove us into a tree.”

That wakes him up quick. “What do you suggest, then?” he asks, sitting up. “Sleeping in the car?”

“Well,” you begin, unsure, “yeah?”

“Are you crazy? We’ll freeze to death.”

“No we won’t,” you whisper back, then clear your throat, not sure why you’re whispering. “Body heat.”

Jeonghan puts his face in his hands for a few seconds, then exhales deeply. “Okay,” he mutters savagely, dragging his fingers down his face. He looks up at you, and there’s a languid sharpness in his eyes that makes you squirm in your seat. “Four hours,” he says. “Don’t complain later if you can’t take it.”

You try for a scoff to hide your discomposure, but end up yawning instead. “Whatever,” you murmur, putting your forearm against the wheel and leaning your face against it. It’s still dark out, and you are freezing a little bit, but the dull orange light that lights up the interior of the car makes it feel slightly warmer. “It’s not like we have anything worth stealing.”

Jeonghan lounges against the passenger seat. He’s still wearing the stupid tie-dye, and the orange of the interior lights have washed out the peach in his shirt. The rest of him is bathed in the same color, making his skin look like it’s been licked by fire. You watch him undo the seatbelt buckle with hooded eyes, curling your fingers around the steering wheel to contain yourself. Even as he climbs into the backseat, you don’t move, eyes still fixed on him. 

Would you have reached for him if you didn’t remember every word he said that day? Maybe you should talk about what happened, to clear the air at least. You try to think of how that would go. Jeonghan, you would start, about what happened—

“Are you coming or not?” Jeonghan asks. He leans forward, beckoning you with a crooked finger, and your gaze glides over the collarbone that peeks out from just below his neck. His voice is breathy and low, making something twang in your gut. You pull yourself up quickly, and follow him before you can change your mind. Jeonghan pulls out a few of his clothes from the backpack to cushion the seat. The space is small, cramped, and smells like cheese, but you think about none of those things except the heat of his body against yours. This is, undoubtedly, the most terrible idea you’ve had so far.

“This is a terrible idea,” you voice, as he pulls an oversized shirt over your legs and leans back. You’re not half as sleepy as you were mere moments ago. The comfort is so deeply unsettling that you feel like you’d rather nap in a bush.

“As I said,” he murmurs, gaze darting to your lips for a millisecond. You gulp. He looks like he’s made of honey and marmalade. “Do you want to turn off the light?”

“So passer-bys don’t think we’re fucking in the back of the car?” A nervous laugh bubbles up your throat like an uncorked Coke bottle, the regret following the words as soon as they come out. You glance up at him, pulse jumping, but his eyes are already closed. “Oh. Um. I’ll turn them off.”

It doesn’t take long for Jeonghan’s breaths to even out, but you lie awake for a long time, listening to your own heartbeat. It’s long past ten a.m. before either of you wakes up.

You spend the next few days doing what you do best—wasting time. This was what you’d planned originally, doing absolutely nothing and deciding destinations on the road, but it was supposed to be with someone who knew you well. While you have no doubt that Jeonghan had managed to puzzle out every part of you before, you're no longer the same pedantic, rule-abiding perfectionist that he probably remembers. You think you’ve changed a lot since you last saw him, and since a major part of that owes itself to him not being in your life any more, you don’t know how to adjust your relationship to that change.

There’s a day you spend most of at a microbrewery, where you manage to snag a guided tour to the home brewing process and Jeonghan develops a taste for fruit beers. Another where you trek up the mountains at a national park just to watch the sunset, sitting on a rock with your sore legs and sharing an artisanal. Once you spend the whole day at the pier.

“There.” You point at a highway, licking the side of your strawberry ice cream (Jeonghan takes the mint). “That’s the road I took while following this stupid underground band on their tour. Didn’t even like them that much, but these guys convinced me, and it turned out to be kind of fun. Sort of like a grown-up camping trip.”

Jeonghan squints at where you’re pointing, then shakes his head. “So that’s why you were so confident about sleeping overnight in a car in the desert.”

“S’not that bad.” You shrug. “I thought it would be like a new experience, you know, and that’s where I got this idea about the road trip in the first place. I don’t think Joshua expected me to suggest something so…careless.”

He’s silent for a long moment. You glance at him sideways, and clutch the bear plushie you won at the ring toss. “Do you ever miss it?” he asks at length.

“Never,” you reply quietly. Maybe you haven’t changed as much as you thought.

Every location is fun at first before your not-relationship gets in the way, slowly chipping away at your sanity like a heavy-handed ax. You swear you’ve barely touched alcohol, but soon the days begin to blur together, and by the time you get anywhere near the beach you don’t even know what day it is.

Saturday, your phone says.

You swipe ignore on Joshua’s sixteenth call in the past few days, this time not even bothering to shoot him a text in its stead. It’s late in the afternoon, and you’re lying on your stomach on an extremely soft mattress in a fancy hotel, ankles crossed in the air as you read an old copy of Gone Girl that you borrowed from Mina in case you got bored. 

Or you were reading it. You press your lips together as you finish reading the same paragraph for the seventh time without actually absorbing any of it, and sigh. Jeonghan reaches over and flicks the cover before leaning back. “Female rage, huh?” he asks, settling back against the pillows. “Should I be concerned?”

The colors of the sunset seep in through the slits between the blinds. You look up at him, noting his watchful gaze, the controlled set of his mouth. Somehow you feel more resentful than wary. “I don’t know.” You roll onto your back and jut your chin out, looking at him upside down. “Should you?”

He doesn’t give up. “Are you angry?”

Your fingers coil more tightly around the book. You match his stare for another second before propping yourself up on your elbow and going back to the text. “No,” you reply after a second, still with your back to him.

“I think you are.”

You throw your head back, irritated, and set the book back down on the bed. “Why would I be angry?” you ask, turning your face in his direction. “I’m just tired. That’s all. It’s too hot to do anything anyway, we can just go out after the sun goes down.”

Jeonghan doesn’t seem convinced, but he doesn’t push you on the subject, and you’re relieved. The truth is that you’ve been feeling irritated and guilty and rash ever since you woke up, but don’t want to give yourself the chance to do something stupid.

“Where do you want to go today?” he asks instead.

You frown, squeezing the bridge of your nose between a forefinger and thumb. “I don’t know,” you repeat. “Maybe nowhere. Do nothing.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “What were you planning to do with Joshua?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, all of that went out the window the second he broke his damned leg,” you snap. Then you pull back with a wince. “Shit. Sorry. I think I’m getting a headache.”

He doesn’t say anything, only offers you a glass of water, which you accept with a quiet thanks. It’s not going to help, though, you know that; your headache has deeper roots than that. The water is lukewarm, and you gulp the water down, spilling half of it over your mouth and down your shirt. “Maybe we can go somewhere you want,” you say, pursing your lips into the best smile you can muster. “You know, this was for the both of us.”

“I know,” Jeonghan replies, monotonous. “You’re getting a nosebleed.”

“What? Oh, fuck.” You hurriedly put the glass down on a side table and head to the washroom. Sure enough, when you look into the mirror, your upper lip is coated in crimson.

“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself again, and bend over the basin. The sound of running water almost drowns out Jeonghan’s footsteps, so you jump a bit when you hear his voice.

“Let’s go to a club,” he says. You straighten, holding a napkin to your nose, and glance back at him. He’s leaning against the doorframe, arms folded over his chest. “Sounds like you need to get drunk,” he says, shrugging.

Your lips part. “Okay.” You turn and grab another napkin. “Sure, yeah, let’s go.”

The teeming throngs of people seem to envelope you, like a piece of paper folded over and over. The air in the nightclub is stale but cold, with undercurrents of sour sweat and sweet coke syrup. You wouldn’t call yourself a stranger to this scene, but for some reason, it feels foreign.

You weave your way through the crowd on the dance floor, an untouched glass in your hand. Although the whole ordeal had been Jeonghan’s idea, he’d disappeared less than ten minutes after you came, no doubt off buying pretty girls drinks. Being seen with you would probably ruin his night, but at least someone’s living their single life to the fullest.

You, on the other hand, have not been having fun at all. It’s not entirely unexpected, since the whole reason you’d said yes to the idea was because you’d felt bad about snapping at him. Usually, you go drinking to unwind after a stressful week, but today you just can’t seem to get into it. You suspect it’s because you’re alone. The music is loud and heavy and while you remember noting that it’s one of your favorite songs, all you can hear right now is the bass. You feel it in your skull and your teeth and jarring all up your sciatic nerve, sending little jolts through your spine. If you didn’t have a headache before, you’re definitely close to getting one now.

Someone brushes past you, and you almost spill the drink in your hand all over the dress. Annoyed, you turn to snap, but they’re already gone by the time you’ve turned around. You sigh, massaging your temple with your free hand, and sit down at the first table you see, placing the glass with the red drink sloshing around inside. The pulsating lights make the surface of the liquid flash, turning it orange and pink and even green. You don’t even remember what it is supposed to be.

With a deep sigh, you pull the glass off the table and nurse it in your lap, head dropping from exhaustion. Maybe if you had someone to dance with you, but your choleric disposition has a habit of chasing people away, and tonight you’ve dialed it up by about a hundred.

A shadow looms over you, blocking the lights, and the color winks out of the drink in your lap. You look up with a glower, ready to chastise what is undoubtedly another hopelessly drunk guy looking to hit on single girls, but falter when you manage to make out the man’s features.

Jeonghan’s blonde hair looks lilac in the lighting. His hands are in his pockets, and he’s got that white shirt on again, but the lights have bled into it like with your drink, turning it different colors. For a moment, neither of you move, him looking down at you and you matching his stare from the seat.

“Are you drunk?”

You shake your head mutely.

If he doubts your honesty, he doesn’t show it. “Wanna get out of here?”

It’s stupid, but you feel bad. You’ve never known him to be into the whole party scene, but maybe he’s gotten different hobbies since you split up, and you feel like you’re taking that away from him. “Don’t you want to stay?” you ask, setting the glass on the small table. “I know the way back.”

He offers you a small smile. “You know how I feel about places like this,” he answers as you prepare to leave. Then why did you suggest it in the first place? you want to ask, but dare not utter a word. “Well then—” He offers you a hand, the smile softening— “my lady?” 

His voice is low, but you hear it like an arrow singing through the noise. “As my lord pleases,” you murmur with an incline of your head, a smile creeping onto your lips as you take his hand.

Jeonghan tugs you through the crowd, his grip gentle yet firm. You pull yourself closer to him, marveling at how the sea of people seems to part before him, like he’s a warm knife going through butter. “You should’ve told me if you didn’t want to come,” he yells back at you.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to,” you explain, wrapping an arm around yourself as the two of you step out into the night air. It’s much colder outside even with the crowd, and you barely manage to suppress a shiver. “I thought it might be—fun.”

“But it wasn’t?”

You shake your head stiffly, shoulders raised against the late night chill. It’s only then that you realize your right hand is still intertwined with his, with you almost hanging off his arm. Flushing, you extract it quickly, folding your arms across your chest. “Let’s just go back to the hotel.”

You can’t see his face, but you imagine him burning holes into the side of your face. But he only nods.

Back at the hotel, you lean against the basin in the washroom, staring at yourself in the foggy mirror. Your face looks back at you from the parts where you wiped off the mist with the heel of your palm, smokey-eyed, your makeup smudged. The cold ceramic seems to cut into your hands, but you’re grateful for it.

With the bathroom door left ajar, you can hear Jeonghan in the connecting room. “Sorry about ruining your night,” you offer with the most apologetic tone you can summon, but your heart feels as numb as your fingertips. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you hear him say, his voice feeling like it’s coming from a tunnel. You know exactly what’s gotten into you though. 

You swallow against the hard knot of dryness that has lodged itself in your throat. Your head is pounding, and you feel like something is splitting you apart from the inside, like a block of ice in your chest that refuses to melt. Am I really that cold inside? Throughout this trip, you’ve found yourself wishing multiple times that the distance between you and Jeonghan didn’t feel so great, but now the thought overwhelms you, washing over you like a riptide, and you feel like you’s gotten into you to sea.

You think about just giving in, but you want to preserve some semblance to self respect. Although none of your concerns feel grounded—Jeonghan’s been the perfect gentleman since after you broke down on him. The memory of your last argument eight—now nine—months ago, his harsh words cutting you down, they all feel so far away. So unreal. You wonder if you imagined breaking up.

“I shouldn’t act so immature, right?” you wonder aloud, and spin around to face him. Jeonghan’s standing just outside the bathroom, fiddling with the cuff of his shirt, and blinks at your question. “I mean, we’re not in high school anymore.”

His brow twitches, like he’s about to frown. “You’re not acting immature.”

You feel slightly hysterical. There’s exactly one thing you want from him—a reaction. Even though you know it’s only going to make things worse. “You don’t think so?” you ask, very quietly.

The frown finally manifested itself on his face. “Are you drunk?” he asks again, enunciating each word slowly and carefully.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Jeonghan.” There’s a wild edge to your voice that has him tilting his head. “Why are you so—so—” Blank. Unaffected. Maddening. “Calm?”

The frown flickers away, and once again, he goes back to looking as unemotional as an alabaster statue. Just as beautiful, driving you insane with a feeling that you can’t quite put into words. “What would you rather have me be?”

One second you’re leaning against the doorframe, fingernails gouging into the wood, and the next second you’re on him, reaching out like you’re about to claw his face off. Before you know it, you’re kissing Jeonghan with all the viciousness of a bite. 

Your hands grip his shoulders, then slide up to his neck and down to his upper back. You can feel his shirt creasing where your nails dig into it, so desperately that you think they might leave crescent-shaped scars. “What do you think?” you hiss into his ear as he stumbles, stepping back to steady himself, his hands coming to your hips. You lean into him, returning to his lips, and then he’s kissing you back.

Jeonghan slides his hand over the diaphanous material of your dress, reaching up to slide into your hair, deepening the kiss. His other hand grips your waist, pulling you as close to himself as humanly possible. His arm crushes you against himself as his lips part against yours, kissing you like he was breathing from you, as desperate as if he were drowning.

It’s as if he’s come alive under your touch, so different from the unemotional front he’d displayed just seconds earlier. His hands roam your body, exploring, tracing, remembering. You open yourself to him, letting every doubt and second thought be washed away by the tide of emotion that rages inside you. Jeonghan tastes like strawberries, his lips soft and sweet, and you feel like putty in his hands, but you still manage to push him into the bed. You’re in his lap now, legs on either side of him, slowly and teasingly tracing the roof of his mouth with the tip of your tongue.

Jeonghan’s hands travel up your waist to your breasts, and you press your lips to the junction of his jaw and neck, right over the pulse. He moans into your mouth, and you feel hot all over—the good kind of hot, the kind that makes you feel like you’re standing in his fire, sweating harder to feel more keenly the wind against your skin. It starts in the pit of your stomach and spreads to your core, your chest that’s flush against his, your hands as you pin his shoulders to the mattress. You kiss him again, hands moving to his chest as you start to unbutton his shirt.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jeonghan breathes, covering your hands with his. You make an impatient noise at the back of your throat, but pause, pushing yourself up so you’re straddling him. “You’re not drunk.”

You give him a black look.

“Okay, okay.” His breaths are coming in pants, each as ragged as the last. “I…I don’t have a condom—”

“I do,” you cut him off in the middle. He gives you a questioning look, and you huff. “I was going to get laid, okay? One way or another.”

His lips part, and for a long moment, no sound comes out of them. “Are you sure?” he asks lamely.

You stare at him, flabbergasted. “What do you think?” you demand again. He’s such a sight under you, with a half-unbuttoned shirt and swollen lips, that you’re having trouble stringing words together. “Jeonghan—I don’t know what it is that’s holding you back, or—or if you just don’t want to have sex with me, but—”

“Not like this,” he interrupts. There’s a softness to his voice, even as he looks up at you with heavy-lidded eyes. Your hand twitches where it’s lying on his chest. “I mean. You’re not in the right state of mind—”

You’re incredulous. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, Jeonghan,” you say, petulance creeping into your voice as you struggle to maintain your composure. “I’m upset and frustrated and I really need this, okay?” Your voice cracks just slightly, but it’s enough for the air to get knocked out of him. 

Some part of you tells you not to do this. To apologize, maybe laugh it off with a shitty joke about getting rid of the tension, act like you don’t want to open him up and climb into him. Sex has never been the solution to your problems. But you’re on a mean bad decision streak, so you just bite down on your lip, swallowing your feelings.

“Please touch me,” you whimper, and Jeonghan takes in a sharp breath, briefly closing his eyes before moving to oblige. 

His hands go back to your waist, but this time he flips your positions. He grasps the hem of your dress, and you stretch your arms, letting him tug it up and off your frame. You watch as his eyes rove over you, and his pupils darken, swallowing the warm brown of his eyes. Jeonghan leans down next to your ear, and you feel the dent in the mattress next to your head where his palm presses into it.  “Remember,” he says, as your stomach flutters weakly, “you asked for this.”

Jeonghan’s knee nudges yours to part your thighs, and the next thing you feel is two of his fingers pressing against the already-damped seat of your panties. “Didn’t expect to be so wet already,” he murmurs, and your face heats up like he toom a match to it. “Is that what you meant by frustrated?” Wordlessly, you arch against him, eager. “Hips,” he commands, and you raise your hips to allow him to pull your panties down your legs, where you agitatedly kick them off your ankles.

You suck in an anticipatory breath as his fingers push against your unclothed core. He doesn’t even need to look for your clit—the pad of his thumb is pressed against the bundle of nerves a second later, rubbing circles into it. You screw your eyes shut and throw your head back, clenching your thighs around his arm. “Oh god,” you gasp. “Oh god oh fuck—”

You cut yourself off with a sharp inhale to grab his forearm, digging your fingers into it as he flicks a finger against your clit. “You’re so sensitive,” Jeonghan remarks, a smug smirk painted on his face. “Always were. That’s what made playing with you so much fun.”

You open your eyes just to narrow them at him, panting. “Oh, finally, there he is,” you drawl breathlessly. “The resident devil of—Jeonghan!”

He has the gall to laugh as your entire body jerks in response to his middle finger pushing past your folds and into your heat. “Admit it. You like me better that way,” he counters, adding another finger inside you. You arch your back, sucking his fingers deeper inside your cunt as he curls the digits in your core.

“I did admit it,” you breathe. It’s astounding, how quickly the two of you fall back into the familiar play, trading words back and forth like you’ve been doing this all your life. His thumb swipes down against your slit, collecting your wetness and massaging it back into your clit. You buck against his hand, mewling. “Fuck, Jeonghan, pleasepleaseplease—”

Watching him like this, you suddenly remember that no matter how mild-mannered he may seem to the untrained eye, Jeonghan is neither calm nor reserved. He is sanguine, a hunter in the night, smelling blood from a mile away. And you've always been his favorite plaything.

“There’s a good girl,” he praises, but his fingers pull away a second later. You bemoan the loss of the friction, desperately rubbing your aching thighs together for any sort of relief. Jeonghan’s fingers dig into the inside of your thighs, prying them apart firmly. You begin to protest, but he quells you with a look. “But I can’t let you have it just yet.”

You’re panting. “Fuck you.”

He only smiles. “Condom.”

You gesture towards the bedside table with a tilt of your chin. “Second drawer,” you choke out, feeling like someone’s set a fire to the base of your brain, cutting off your ability to form coherent thoughts. Jeonghan retrieves it, waving the small square packet in the air as if to further provoke you. You settle back onto the sheets, waiting for him to put it on, but instead he leans his weight back against you, playfully nipping at your collarbone. You grit your teeth, grabbing the front of his shirt.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes, you know that?” You hiss, and start unbuttoning his shirt hastily. 

“Well, I tried being nice, and you hated that,” he murmurs against the base of your throat, sending vibrations through your sternum. You fling open his shirt, and he takes it off fully, balling it up and throwing it to some dark corner of the room. “Aren’t you hurrying too much?” he says, but when you roll down against his hips, the bulge straining against the seat of his pants is unmistakable.

“Aren’t you talking too much?” you fire back, and he chuckles. You hear the sound of the packet tearing and the subsequent unzipping of his pants. Jeonghan rubs the head of his cock against your slick heat, almost making you sob, and pushes it in.

Your fingers claw against his back when he slowly rolls his hips into yours, sending a wave of pleasure through your body. “I forgot how good you felt,” he rasps, sidling his hands under your arms and pulling them off him. The heel of his palms skims your forearm, reaching up to meet your wrist. When he presses his fingertips against the palm of your hand, you open up to him like a flower in bloom, letting him twine your fingers with his in a slow, decisive motion.

The head of his cock brushes against your sweet spot, and your mind goes blank with bliss. Jeonghan says your name like a prayer as he pushes deeper into you, harder, and the feeling of hot-and-cold pleasure stirs in your abdomen. His pace quickens, hips snapping faster against yours, and you begin to feel dizzy and delirious. 

You gasp his name, and he shudders as he breathes out, all but falling against you. His fingers tighten around yours as he moves, the tip of your nose nudging his, his forehead cool and damp with sweat where it meets yours. He draws your orgasm out, still fucking into you as you reach your climax. You call out his name as you ride out your high, and his face twists with desire so devastating that it looks almost like pain. He thrusts into you once, twice, only a few more times before he comes, almost collapsing on top of you when he finishes. The pent-up frustration is gone, you realize as you lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling, along with the misery and confusion and anger. 

You clean yourself off in the bathroom in silence, as he wipes off your makeup with a gentleness that you’d almost forgotten. Neither of you speak, but the silence is heavy and comfortable like a winter blanket. A voice at the back of your head is screaming at you about consequences, but it’s small and tin-like and easy enough to tune out in the face of Jeonghan’s lips brushing against your temple.

Plenty of time for regret in the morning.

And, oh boy, does the regret hit like a fucking truck.

You’re the first one up, waking to the feeling of soft blankets on your bare skin and Jeonghan’s sleeping face just inches from yours. Startled, you sit up, the strap of your bra slipping off one shoulder.

Then you’re slipping off the covers and making a beeline for the bathroom, stopping only to grab your phone off the bedside table before locking the door behind you. You lean against it heavily as your legs seem to give out, breathing hard as if you just woke up from a nightmare. 

You slept with your ex last night. The one thing your friends with active dating lives told you never to do. And it was all your idea.

Fuck.

Still trying to steady yourself, you sit down heavily on the edge of the toilet seat, placing your head in your hands. It was a stupid decision, and you know that—hell, you’d known that going into it—but now it’s time to deal with the aftermath. Jeonghan himself is going to wake up in no time, and you don’t even want to think about how he’s going to react.

You try to think of someone smarter than you, but after your actions last night, the bar proves to be pretty low. Your first thought is Joshua, but you feel even more like shit when you think of calling him, so reject that option out of hand. Someone who’d know what to do, you think to yourself as you shakily dial the number on your phone, fingers trembling.

She picks up on the fourth ring. “Hey, girliepop,” Mina greets in a bright, peppy voice, as your shoulders sag with relief. “I feel like I haven’t heard from you in ages. What’s up? How’s home?”

You don’t waste a second. “I did something really, really bad.”

A pause. “Do you need help hiding a body?”

“What? No. I slept with Jeonghan.” You cover your mouth, briefly closing your eyes. Saying it out loud makes it sound even worse. “I’m so screwed.”

“The hot ex-boyfriend? Oh, honey, don’t worry, that’s a mistake we all make at least once in our lives,” she says sympathetically. “Were you drunk?”

You squint. “No…”

“Okay,” she says slowly, and you wince. “Do you…want to do it again?”

At that, you pause. Do you want to do it again? You hadn’t even thought of it before this. “I mean…” You trail off, doubtful. “The sex was pretty great, but…”

You can imagine her twirling a lollipop stick between her fingers, sucking thoughtfully on the candy. “I don’t know, I’m gonna need a lot more context,” she asks finally. “Why did you guys break up? How long were you together? What kind of person is he? It depends on a lot of things.” Another pause, and you can almost see her raising her eyebrows at you, like, well? “You gotta give me something to go on here.”

You try to think of an answer, but every thought feels muddled, like you’ve reached peak brain capacity. “Um,” you start, haltingly, “we have a lot of history, I guess.”

She hums, which sounds like a muted buzz through the line. “Like what? Childhood best friend type of history? On-and-off kind of history?”

You close your eyes, focusing intently. “Um…well…we have known each other since we were in grade school. And we dated for most of high school, and almost two years after that. Then we…we broke up in October, last year.”

“Why?”

That’s a loaded question. You pass a hand over your face, trying to think of how you can explain it. You remember there being so many reasons for it, but now that you’re trying to remember them, not a single coherent-sounding explanation presents itself. “It’s complicated?”

Mina tuts. “I get it if you don’t want to talk about it, but I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is, babe.”

“I’m so confused,” you lament, biting your lip. You try to explain the situation as best as you can, how you decided to ditch your plans and go on a fuckass road trip with your ex. Everything comes out like a barrage: all the doubts you’ve had about your relationship with Jeonghan, the constant second-guessing yourself, all your worries about his inconsistent behavior. By the time you’re done, Mina’s gone silent on the other side. 

She doesn’t say anything for a long time, so you listen to the soft crackling of her breathing mixing with the sounds of traffic coming in through the tiny window on the opposing wall. “Oh, honey,” comes her fizzy voice from the speaker finally. “Now I wish I’d convinced you to go on that blind date.”

You laugh softly. “Yeah. It’s just… Every sensible bone in my body is telling me I’ve made some kind of mistake, that I’ve crossed some invisible line, but it was so easy,” you tell her. “Last night, when we—it felt like old times. As if nothing had ever happened. And now I’m wondering if that’s what I’ve wanted all this time.”

“I almost wish you’d come to me with a murder to cover up, because at least I’d be able to help you then,” she replies. “But if you think that maybe this is what you want, and if he wants the same thing, then you can still work it out, you know? You’re a smart girl. You can figure out what you want.”

A smile tugs at the corner of your lips. “I wouldn’t be so sure,” you murmur, using your pinky to trace a crescent into your bare knee. “But thanks.”

Her grin is crystal-clear in your mind. “I’ve got faith in you.”

“That makes one of us,” you quip, and she laughs as you hang up. 

The call didn’t help much, but you’re glad to have gotten some things off your chest. The narrow walls of the bathroom don't feel so suffocating anymore. All right. You pull your knees up decisively, straightening your spine. It’s my problem to fix now, you think. Even if you don’t feel calm, you have to at least act like you are.

Taking a deep breath, you unlatch the door and step outside, closing it slowly behind yourself. As you’d thought, Jeonghan is already up and dressed. Well, kind of. He has his boxers on, and the shirt from last night, crumpled and still unbuttoned. You stare, frozen in place, as he turns and notices you. A beaming smile spreads across his face.

“I went ahead and ordered room service,” he says by way of greeting. “Considering it’s past twelve and absolutely boiling outside, I thought we might stay in for brunch instead. I hope you like pasta, ” he says, shrugging. Then he notices the look on your face. “Is something wrong?”

You blink slowly, as if coming out of a daze. “Something wrong?” you echo, wondering if you sound as bewildered as you feel. “Something…Jeonghan.”

His eyebrows arch. “Yeah?”

“We had sex,” you say slowly.

“We—yes.” He nods, slowly at first, but then more rapidly, until he looks like a bobblehead. “Yeah, but—I mean, we used protection, and we talked about it before, kind of, and I thought it was fine, you know, because—” He’s rambling. You’re beginning to realize he’s not as nonchalant as he appeared a moment ago. “At least we didn’t have sex very publicly in, in the motel, or the car, or—”

It’s like a strange tranquility has descended over you. Jeonghan swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and he looks anxious. You haven’t seen him anxious in so long.

It feels like the roles have been flipped. You know that’s not quite true, and your poise is only temporary, but at least he’s not giving you unreadable looks every time you try to show vulnerability, tripping you up on your own words. You just hope you’re not going to use this opportunity to do something stupid again.

“Jeonghan,” you interrupt. Mina hadn’t really given you any clear-cut counsel, but it seems her reassurance had been all you needed. “If we’re going to do this, we need to set some ground rules.”

‘No strings attached’ sounds weightless in your mouth, but the words seem to sink like stones into your mind.

Still, now that at least the sexual tension is out of the way, you feel as unburdened as those girls in sanitary pad ads. Jeonghan’s inner navigator must be in touch with his good-for-nothing side, because he turns out to be absolute magic with finding amazing out-of-the-way places. The two of you go off-road for a while, but get lost so you decide to stick to what you could identify on the map. There’s another day spent walking around at a doll museum and pointing out dolls that you thought looked like people you both know.

It feels a bit silly, running around with Jeonghan all the time, but it’s the happiest you’ve been in months. You take baths together, and sometimes you go out for ice cream, and despite some of the lewd activities involved, it feels as sweet and innocent as kids playing house.

After the first time your motel room neighbor bangs on your shared wall to ask you to be quieter during sex, you decide that sticking to places with reliably thick walls is the way to go. That’s how you find out that Jeonghan has developed a taste for long baths.

You’re rummaging around inside your suitcase, looking for the paperback you borrowed from your roommate, untouched since the day you stopped reading it right in the middle. “Jeonghan!” you call, overturning a pair of pajamas. Even in a thin robe, you can feel the heat almost radiating off the floor. “Did you see my book? I’m kind of worried that I left it somewhere.”

No response.

Frowning, you stand, looking at the cream-painted door on the opposing wall. It’s firmly shut, and has been that way for the past hour or so, not a sound escaping from inside. You cross the room and check the handle, not too surprised when it swings open.

One glance inside gives it away. Jeonghan looks at you with displeasure, only his head poking out from behind the side of the bathtub. Well, that and the copy of Gone Girl you’ve been looking for the past half-hour, clasped in a long-fingered hand, his elbow propped against the lip of the porcelain tub. “Do you mind?” the perpetrator asks.

You place your hands on your hips, giving him an unimpressed look. “You’ve been in here for over an hour,” you tell him. “At this rate your body is going to turn into an overripe raisin. Also, that’s my book.”

He turns the book over to regard it. “I thought you weren’t reading it.”

“I wasn’t. Emphasis on was.” You rest your hand on the door handle. “There are other people who want to take a bath, you know.”

“Aw, I was just looking for some entertainment.” He flashes a grin at you. “But if you have a better idea…”

You roll your eyes, but unfasten the robe anyway. Jeonghan’s eyes follow your every move, pupils blown wide. He places a cheek on his arm, eyes half-mast as you slip the robe off your shoulders, letting it pool on the floor at your feet.

“Nothing underneath, huh?” he muses. “Have I been out-maneuvered?”

You ignore that. “Move over,” you say shortly.

“Don’t need to ask me twice.”

(Later, when you’re lying on the bed after having managed to wrestle the book away from him, Jeonghan brushes his fingers against the sliver of exposed skin under your shirt. “Don’t even try,” you warn him, after smacking his hand with the spine of the book.

“I thought you wanted to do something ‘wild’,” he says, making air quotes with his hands. You smack him again.

“Not everything is about sex,” you remind him, not really meaning it.

“‘Everything in the world is about sex except sex.’” he quotes. “‘Sex is about power.’”

You roll onto your side, letting the book fall shut as your forearm hits the mattress. “You’re so full of shit, Yoon Jeonghan,” you tell him, getting a razor-sharp grin in response. But you still let him kiss you a moment later.)

By the time you finally reach the ocean, the air conditioner has been broken for two days, so when you feel the fingers of the first evening breeze sneak in through the lowered top of the window and run themselves through your hair, you almost stop the car there and then.

Jeonghan stops you, reminding you that if you get off you’ll have to walk a pretty long time before you actually get to the beach. You stay put, but when you do get to the beach you’re the first out of the car, standing spreadeagle against the flow to feel the wind on each and every inch of your skin, plastering your clothes to your frame.

“This is so much better than that stupid air conditioner,” you sigh. Jeonghan’s still fishing out that Hello Kitty backpack that contains your towels and sunscreen, so you deign to wait for him instead of going off on your own.

Something pink and plasticky covers your vision. “Here.” He grins, settling the heart-shaped sunglasses on your face. “Now you can finally use these,” he says, and turns to head off.

You fix the sunglasses before following after him. The sand is soft under your feet, shifting to accommodate the shape of your feet as you step over it. You pull your sandals off, tucking your fingers under the bands and opting to carry them at your side so you can feel the grains on your soles.

“I thought there would be more people here,” your not-boyfriend comments.

You look around. A kid is building a sandcastle near a couple that looks over him, turning over buckets to deposit clumps of wet sand to shape them into towers. A bit further away, a head wearing sunglasses pokes out of the ground as its giggling companion packs more sand over the body. Jeonghan’s right; the crowd is tamer than you expected, but it’s probably because it’s getting late and the weather is about to turn icy in no time. 

“I haven’t been to the beach in ages,” he says as you reach the shore. The wind tousles his hair, flapping his shirt around his torso, and he squints against the saline breeze. “Kind of forgot what it feels like.”

You hum contentedly, watching the tiny waves lap at your feet. “When I was a kid, my mom told me I had to dig my feet in before the tide came in, or else I would be carried away by the waves.”

He snorts. “I know. Your mom told me the same thing.”

“Right,” you smile. 

Jeonghan bends to place his hands in the sand in front of him, letting the water wash over them. “Cold,” he says. 

“You know, I did almost get washed out to sea once,” you remember. “Swam too far. There was salty water in my mouth and ears and the ground felt like it was made of hands, trying to drag me down further. My uncle told me that when they finally fished me out, my head was wrapped in kelp. He thought that telling me that would traumatize me, but I just kept swimming out again and again.”

“Stubborn and proud,” he observes. “That sounds like you.”

“Does it?” You grin, bending to scoop some of the water into your palms, and sling it off your fingertips to splash it into his face before he can realize what you’re doing. Jeonghan sputters, stumbling in the sand, and comes up with an indignant hey!

Laughing, you turn to run, and glance back to see him discarding the Hello Kitty bag to chase after you. “It’s the beach, cut me some slack!” you yell back at him. He doesn’t respond, but when he does catch you, it’s around the middle, and his tackle flings both of you into the water, you still laughing. You wrestle unsuccessfully with him for another second before coming up for air, his arms still wrapped securely around your waist.

“No fair,” you complain, but the smile that splits your face is as bright as the sun.

“No fair?” he repeats, expression indignant. “You started it.”

“Okay, but now we’re both wet.” You spit some water out of your mouth. Sure enough, your clothes are drenched, and so are his. Jeonghan staggers to his feet, pulling you up with him. His pale blonde hair is plastered to his forehead, darker where it’s wet, curling at the back of his neck. “And not in the fun way.”

“Who says this way isn’t fun?” He kicks some water at you, and you raise your arms to shield your face. Offering only a glare in retaliation, you turn, wading a little further out so the water is up to your waist. “Are you planning to get washed out again?”

“Hilarious,” you call back without turning. The sun is low in the sky, turning the ocean the colors of fire. Jeonghan comes up behind you and you close your eyes, breathing it all in.

The water tickles your waist where your shirt billows up, and the breeze cuts deliciously sharp on your damp skin, but you only shiver when Jeonghan traces a map on the exposed skin of your back.

You don’t stay in the water for long, dragging yourselves up to the shoreline to make sure you mostly dry off when the sun is still up. Jeonghan’s hair slowly curls as it dries, and he tries to comb the sand out with his fingers to no avail.

“I’m gonna need a nice hot bath after this,” he complains, carding a hand through his hair. “It’s all fun and games going to the beach until you’re digging sand out of your body for the next three weeks.”

“You take a nice hot bath at every opportunity you get,” you remind him, but you share the sentiment. The retrieved backpack swings off one shoulder, slapping against your side with every step. “That was so much fun, though. I wish we’d just come here in the beginning and stayed.”

“Nothing beats hiking for hours up a mountain just to see a yellow ball come up in the sky. You made me wake up at an ungodly hour for that, too.”

“And I’m not gonna apologize.” You stand back in the final rays of the sun, watching it sink into the horizon. Strips of gold glimmer in the blue-green of the water, shimmering like the surface of a polished jewel. “Sometimes I look at the sun on a regular day and wonder how it can do that.”

Jeonghan hums under his breath. His stance is unhurried, shoulders relaxed, hands in his pockets. You lick your lips, feeling the salt sting the raw patches where you’ve managed to break the skin by constantly worrying at it with your teeth.

Now that your mind is beginning to quiet, it’s turning to thoughts of the real world instead. For the last few days, you’ve successfully ignored every single warm tingle or stomach butterfly, every warning sign that came up when you looked at Jeonghan, but casting them aside has only made them weigh heavier on your shoulders. 

It doesn’t have to mean anything, you’d told him, but that had felt more like an excuse. Under the guise of only using each other for sex, you’ve been indulging yourself in far more than that, and it’s plain as day for you to see.

“Jeonghan,” you venture in a hushed voice, and he turns to you quizzically. “Do you ever wonder—do you ever think that you’ve made a mistake?”

Instead of answering, he offers you a lopsided smile and extracts his hand from his pocket, letting it hang in the air next to yours. It’s only your knuckles that brush the back of his hand, but you feel the heat all over—on the backs of your shoulders, north of your abdomen, as a constricting circle around your throat.

“I try not to think too much,” he says, catching your fingers lightly when they graze his. You hesitate, but choose not to pull away. “But I know that’s not your strong suit.”

The sky has gone dark. One by one, the artificial lights switch on, bathing the sand in a pale glow. With his tanned skin and platinum hair, Jeonghan looks like a tallow angel in the light, his mouth a soft rosy line curved into a smile like you’re sharing an inside joke. The breeze flows over the water, lifting his shirt up a shade.

Your heart lurches in your chest, but you manage a smile back. He’s probably right and you’re probably overthinking, but you are as helpless in the face of that knowledge as you were without it. As you murmur and you think too little with numb lips, you can't help but wonder what he’s really thinking. 

Jeonghan thinks this bar is going to be the death of him.

The Shipwreck Tavern must take its name quite seriously, because it smells exactly like how he imagines the interior of a shipwreck must smell—like fish and rotten wood. The place is filled with tough-looking old people, and the bartender must be a wrestler’s grandma, because her arms are as big as his head. Everything inside the pub looks old and feels old, except the new-looking TV that adorns a wall adjacent to the bar, playing a soccer game that seems like the local pastime, judging from the attention it garners among the tavern’s patrons.

There are probably better places the two of you could’ve gone to, but this was the nearest place he’d been able to find with an outdoor shower, and he could’ve sworn he felt a crab in his pants before. Instead of bothering to look for a place to eat, you’d suggested staying at the same place, and he hadn’t known better than to comply.

Jeonghan takes the drinks he ordered from the bar with a nod of acknowledgement, fighting to keep the smile on his face until it’s out of the bartender’s view. As soon as the old lady with the anchor tattoo on her forearm turns her back, he makes a face, turning away from a fellow customer who frowns disapprovingly at his expression. Jeonghan gives him a helpless look, and begins making his way through the crowd to a pool table in the corner.

He knows that you think he’s the more sociable out of the two of you, but he begs to disagree, and the fact that you’re already laughing along with a mean-looking guy with a shaved head is only more proof. You turn slightly to let your eyes glide over the crowd searchingly, stopping when they spot him coming towards you. Something in his chest clenches when he sees your face light up upon seeing him. You wave him over to the table, and he raises the drinks in response.

“You might wanna go slow on these. I think I saw something wiggling in the bottle she poured these drinks from,” he warns as you take the glass from him. You grin, but pay no heed to his warnings, tossing the whole thing back like it’s a regular Tuesday.

“How bad could it be?” Shrugging, you put the drink down and smooth down the front of your skirt, briefly playing with the corner where the slit ends. “Maybe it was like an eel or something.”

“Well, you’re certainly something,” he mutters to himself, raising a disbelieving eyebrow. “Why don’t you go ahead and drink mine too, if you’re so fearless? Might find a shark fin in there.”

“Those are too big to fit in a bottle, silly.” You roll your eyes, taking a cue stick leaning against a corner. “Now let’s get this party started,” you purr, bringing the stick up and across the table and positioning yourself behind it.

Jeonghan shakes his head, but doesn’t try to push down the smile that appears on his face. “Okay,” he sighs, coming around the table to your side, leaning so his face is level with yours. “So you want to keep the stick aligned with your line of sight, and try to aim for the easy pockets first.”

You lick your lips, screwing one eye shut to aim. “You underestimating me?”

“No, it’s just to keep your mood up. Now choose your shot.” You survey the layout of the table once before deciding on a target, arranging your stance to aim accordingly. Jeonghan nods. “Okay, good. Line up, and be careful about the angle.”

Placing the stick’s tip near the cue ball, you bend again. “Like this?”

He reaches over, rearranging your hand that’s splayed against the table so your first two fingers make a bridge. “Balance the cue on top of that,” he says, curling an arm around your waist. His fingertips press against the elbow of your cueing arm, stabilizing it. You shiver slightly as if a cool breeze had just blown through, making his own stomach flutter. “That’s it, like that,” he whispers in your ear, enjoying your reaction as you squirm. “Steady, steady…now try.”

Taking a deep breath, you shoot. The cue ball cuts across the dull green surface, bumping into the black ball and sending it rolling into a corner hole. Grinning, you straighten, pumping a fist in the air. “Nice!”

“Yeah, pretty nice.” Jeonghan nods. “Except we’re playing 8-ball pool, which means if you pocket the 8 ball before all the stripes and solids are gone, you lose.”

A despondent boo erupts from the audience watching the soccer match, exactly in sync with your face as it falls. “You didn’t tell me that before,” you say accusingly. “That’s cheating.”

“Good try though,” he acknowledges, taking a sip of his drink. It tastes just as bad as he’s expected. “And I didn’t cheat, I just withheld information.”

“That’s lying.”

“Tomato-tomato.”

You bring up the cue stick, pointing the polished end at his chest. “I’m about to demolish you,” you challenge.

He grins and takes a stick of his own, tapping it against yours. “Bring it on.”

Jeonghan had intended on leaving the second you were done with your food, but you end up staying for more than a few hours as you keep asking for extra rounds despite continually losing. When you finally agree to leave, it’s way past two, and you walk with a giggly, faintly tipsy stupor so he has to support you all the way to the hotel. 

Instead of falling into bed immediately upon entering the room, you pull him into the bathroom, crashing your lips against his before he has the chance to let a question pass them. Jeonghan closes his eyes, holding you against him as you wrap your arms around his neck, almost dragging him down the floor as you go limp in his arms. Your back hits the wall with a loud thump, but you still don’t let up. “Someone’s eager,” he says as you press kisses along the line of his jaw, settling his hands on your hips.

You let out a soft breath, bunching up his shirt under your fingers. He leans in to kiss you, but you step back, holding him in place. “I was—do you think we should—”

Someone bangs against the other side of the bathroom wall, making both of you jump. “Message received, damn,” Jeonghan mumbles, turning his attention back to you. “Sorry, you were saying?”

You fumble with your words for a second before seemingly giving up, instead smiling brightly. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“Nothing, is it?” He kisses your jaw, and you let out a soft sigh. Your hand drops to his pants, moving to unfasten it, but he stops you. “Shh,” he whispers, brushing his thumb against your lips. “Walls have ears, remember?” he murmurs, as his warm breath fans your face.

You tuck your bottom lip under your teeth, blinking up at him so sweetly that he almost groans. He dips his head, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, the ghost of his smile against your skin. “We have to be quiet,” he says, lips touching the shell of your ear. “If you behave, I’ll make sure you’re well compensated for your efforts.”

Your breath hitches, and you turn your face away, letting out a choking laugh. “Oh yeah? And how are you planning to do that?”

Maintaining eye contact, he sinks to one knee, and slides his hands down from your hips to the back of your thighs. You steady yourself by placing your hands on his shoulders, and he tugs your skirt up, warm palms skimming the cool skin of your thighs. 

“Well, for starters,” he says in a low voice, watching your eyes as they darken, and slips a cold finger just inside the top of the slit in your skirt. “I’m going to make you come on my tongue.”

You watch him with wide eyes, still as a statue. Jeonghan licks a warm line up the inside of your leg, which twitches in response. “Remember, not a sound,” he warns, teeth nipping at your skin. 

“You’re an ass,” you tell him, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

He smiles, and taps at your knee to indicate to you to move it. You swing a leg over his shoulder, adjusting your stance to stabilize yourself. He hooks a thumb into the underside of your panties and pulls it aside, revealing your glistening core in its full glory.

The sight makes his breath catch in his throat. Jeonghan licks his lips, experimentally swiping the tip of his finger along your cunt, and you squeeze his shoulder. “Ticklish?” he asks, and you slide a hand through his hair, giving it an impatient tug. “Always so sensitive,” he tuts, even though the sensation sends a bolt of arousal straight to his dick. “Always had a bite, too.”

“Shut up,” you growl, impatiently pulling his face closer to your core.

“Patience, grasshopper,” he admonishes. He slips the finger between your folds, massaging lazy circles into it, and your grasp on his hair tightens. “Ask me nicely, and maybe I’ll give it to you.”

You grit your teeth, but the pause tells him you’re actually considering it. Your giving up so easily would take all the fun out of it, he decides, and without warning, he tilts his head up and closes his lips around your nub, flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

Your whole body seems to spasm in response, like a puppet that just had its strings pulled taut. Jeonghan grins into your cunt, and increases the pressure on your clit. You whine, rolling your hips against his face, but he holds you in place.

“Not so fast, honey bunny,” he murmurs against your arousal, which only has you straining harder against his hold. “You like that, huh?” he asks, and sinks his index and middle fingers into your hole knuckle-deep. “All those times you called me a silver-tongued devil—how d’you feel about this tongue now?”

As if to prove his point, he laves his tongue leisurely along the entire length of your pussy, making you cry out. “Jeonghan, please,” you moan, and his heartbeat stutters at your desperate pleading. The moment you start begging, he’s a goner. “More—ah—”

He doesn’t even remember that he asked you to be quiet. “Fuck,” Jeonghan snarls, “you know I can’t say no to you, don’t you?” He pulls his fingers out almost entirely, coated in your juices, before thrusting them back inside. He proceeds to bury his face back into your heated cunt, sucking on your swollen clit and finger-fucking you at the same time. You throw your head back, scraping your fingernails against his scalp as he eats you out like a starved man. “No.” he says, pulling away momentarily. “Keep your eyes on me.”

“Ngh—please—” Your words come out in broken moans, but Jeonghan scarcely hears them. He scissors you ruthlessly, stretching you out with his fingers, the other hand leaving dents in your skin where it digs into the soft skin of your thigh. Your orgasm is drawing near, he can tell by the way your walls are spasming around him, so he speeds up his pace, licking and suckling in quick succession, pushing you far past the point of satisfaction. “Jeonghan!”

You come with a cry, your eyes rolling back into your head, back arched against the wall. Jeonghan unlatches his lips from yours unwillingly, pulling back to admire the look on your face, hazy with desire. 

“Fuck,” you breathe once you’ve come down from the high, chest heaving. You let the back of your head fall against the wall with a light thump. “Where did you learn to do that?”

He shrugs with faked nonchalance, grazing your skin with his teeth as he slips your leg from his shoulder. A glint of satisfaction shines in his eye like an ember sparking in a dead bonfire as he gets to his feet. “I’ve been practicing.”

Your shoulders stiffen, and Jeonghan stops in his tracks. “Right,” you murmur, as alarm bells go off in his head. He regrets the words instantly, and moves to take a step towards you, but you’re already turning away and out of his reach, leaning towards your phone that rests precariously on the basin’s edge. “Oh, wow, it’s getting pretty late. I think we should head to bed.”

Jeonghan bites his lip. “Yeah,” he says softly, stepping back to allow you to slip past him and out the door. Stupid, he thinks, licking the remains of your cum from his lips. “I guess so.”

The next morning, after you finished locking the doors behind yourself, you’d come down to the lobby to find Jeonghan flirting with the receptionist.

He had both his elbows on the table, leaning his weight against it as he gave her his best smile, chuckling at some shitty joke he probably cracked himself. She’s pretty, you’d thought as you saw her smile, flushing as she tucked a lock of dark hair behind her ear. He said something else to her, and she giggled, but it had died out quickly when she’d spotted you approaching.

To his credit, Jeonghan dropped his smile as soon as he saw you. You’d deposited the keys, thanking the receptionist with the nicest smile you could manage, but even that wasn’t very nice. He hadn’t said anything as you got to the car, and you feel like shit even though you know he doesn’t owe you an explanation.

Stupid, you think to yourself. Stupid of you to forget that this whole thing was going to be over soon, stupid for caring so much and getting hurt despite yourself, stupid for thinking that Jeonghan would share your concerns. And let’s not forget angry: angry for getting so carried away, especially when you pride yourself on being so careful all the time.

The car hasn’t stopped in hours, not even for a gas refill, and you haven’t had a proper conversation since the drive started except for when Jeonghan tried to offer you a soda.

You’re glad you’re driving, because it gives you an excuse to be silent. Focus on the road. Jeonghan has sensed something off with your mood, but he hasn’t tried to ask you about it, and you don’t know whether to be grateful for him respecting your boundaries or mad for not trying hard enough. 

Now that it’s June the skies have begun to turn an angry, burning orange-red before six o’clock instead of remaining a softer bruised purple. You’ve been in the same position for a while although your neck started to hurt some time ago. It’s getting chilly, but not cold enough to roll the window back up, and you’re determined to fill the silence with the whistling wind for as long as you can.

You must’ve jinxed yourself, though, because the silence is broken in seconds. “Just so you know,” Jeonghan starts, tone light and conversational, “I wasn’t flirting with her.”

You tighten your hands around the wheel, staring so hard at the windshield that you’re surprised it hasn’t melted into a puddle of plastic yet. “I don’t care if you did,” you say tersely, trying and failing to sound normal. “It’s none of my business.”

“I was just asking her if she knew any places we could stay nearby,” he continues, instead of giving up. “And as it turns out, there’s this really great—”

“Actually, I think we should go home.” You cut him off demurely, not taking your eyes off the road in front of you, even though there isn’t another vehicle in sight. “My parents are probably worried about where I’ve run off to, and I’ve been kind of a shit friend to Joshua recently.”

Jeonghan’s mouth flattens into a thin line. “That was a choice you made.”

You scoff, rounding on him with a scornful look on your face. “Oh, so you want to talk about choices now?” you ask, voice full of strife. “Remind me again in case I’ve forgotten—it was your choice to have us break up in the first place, wasn’t it?”

The muscles in his jaw tighten, standing out under his skin where they flex. “Oh, come on. You’re just mad about last night and instead of acknowledging that, you’re changing the topic.”

“Okay, yeah, I’m mad,” you admit, “but that’s not why I’m bringing this up, and you know it. I believed you the first time you said anything. We can’t just never talk about what happened nine months ago—you can’t just sweep something that big under the rug and expect things to be fine and fucking dandy.”

“Who cares about something that happened months ago?” he asks angrily.

“Are you serious?” you ask, laughing disbelievingly. A chill is beginning to settle over your skin even as the air simmers at a hundred degrees.

He tugs an opposing sleeve, and throws the other hand up in exasperation. “I don’t see how it matters anymore.”

You stop the car.

Jeonghan opens his mouth, and closes it again. "You know, this whole stopping the car in the middle of the road thing is getting old," he says with a hint of exasperation in his voice.

“You don’t see how it matters?” You whip around to look him in the eye, and he shrinks back just a bit. “Jeonghan, you said getting into this relationship was a fucking mistake!”

He stares back at you, unyielding. 

“And now you want to act like that never happened?” you press on. “How did you expect this to turn out? That we would be on the road forever, always going nowhere? That you could get away with never addressing all the things you said, just because I never brought it up?” You scoff. “Did you ever give a shit, or was this whole thing just a way to get into my pants?”

Your eyes are burning, and not just from the heat. Jeonghan’s hands are balled up around the seatbelt, the skin around his mouth pulled tight. You don’t dare to look away, hoping against hope for him to finally say something, anything, even though you’ve been in a dozen arguments like this that all ended the same way. This time, you pray with bated breath, this time it has to be different.

“I guess it was just a bad idea,” he says finally, quietly.

Every tensed muscle in your body goes limp, and you’re pulling yourself out of the suffocating car before your mind has even formed a coherent thought, dying to get away from him. The asphalt seems to sizzle, and you wonder in a daze if the road is just a mirage and you’ve actually been standing in one spot this entire time.

You’re standing in the heat, the warm wind making your skin sting with sweat, and even with your hands covering your face you can still sense Jeonghan’s presence behind you. When you turn, there he is, standing still in front of the car. The sun’s rays reflect off of the hood of the car and into your eyes, and you blink back against the stinging brought on by the forceful brightness. For a second you can’t see the expression on his face as he shifts, his silhouette outlined in shadow by the glaring sun, but then your eyes adjust to the light and the look on his face makes something crack and split apart in your chest.

You know then that he will not say anything. He will watch you walk away, again and again and again, with that stoic set of his shoulders and the proud line of his mouth, but he will not say a word. You want to grab him and shake him, scream at him to say something, but you know that his words, in all their vehemence and vitality, are reserved only for him. And you’re going to stay outside, forgotten in the sun, where he hung you out to dry all those months ago.

You wrap your arms around yourself, feeling a twinge of pain against the side of your ribs where his fingers dug into your skin last night. For a moment, you can almost feel his hot breath on your neck, his teeth on your thighs, but you blink, and suddenly the distance between you feels too great. Jeonghan’s eyes bore into yours, the heels of his palms braced against the hood of the car he leans on, and even in the sweltering heat you have to suppress a shiver. 

“I knew this was a bad idea,” you whisper. “Even when I didn’t have a choice.” 

A muscle in his neck pulls taut, but all he does is lift one corner of his mouth in a lazy, sardonic smile. You watch him pretend not to notice as his grip turns white-knuckle-tight.

“Needs must when the devil drives, sweetheart,” is all he says.

You have no response to that. “Right,” you whisper. Your fingers are trembling, and you’re definitely in no state to drive, but you’re suddenly seized with the desire to get away from it all. Away from him. “Take me home, Jeonghan.”

Peonies have always been Joshua’s favorite. 

Even though you’ve never been big on elaborate apologies, the guilt you feel after having ignored your injured best friend for the past couple of weeks is strong enough that you end up buying a whole bouquet for him. Joshua’s mom’s face lights up when she sees you, and you give her a shy, apologetic smile right before she sweeps you up into a bone-crushing hug.

Your eyes widen, but you wrap your arms around her anyway, feeling stupidly emotional at the warm reception. “Oh, sweetheart, I haven’t seen you in so long!” she gushes, and you ignore the painful squeeze of your heart upon hearing the endearment. “If Josh had told me that you were coming, I would’ve made your favorite cherry brownies.”

“No problem, ma’am, I’ll be sticking around for a while,” you tell her with a warm smile.

“Oh, you must be looking for him,” she says, “Poor kid’s been cooped up for weeks, he misses you so much. I think he’s in the backyard, or I would’ve called for him.”

The backyard? You wonder what a guy with a broken leg is doing in the backyard—definitely not sunning himself in this weather—but you thank her anyway. Gripping your bouquet, you head to the back of the house, pushing past the screen door and stepping into the uncut grass of the Hongs’ backyard.

And stop short.

“What the fuck?” you sputter.

Joshua almost trips over the black-and-white football, steadying himself last minute to look up at you with wide eyes. Your grip on the flowers has tightened even further as you imagine it to be the boy’s throat. “Hey, ____,” he says with a strained grin. “I didn’t know you were coming! This is such a lovely surprise. And are those flowers? For me? Aw, you shouldn’t have!”

You stare him down, unrelenting. “I didn’t realize broken bones could heal themselves in less than three weeks,” you say pleasantly, a contrast to the death glare that pins him in place. “Shouldn’t you be resting, sweet Joshua?”

“Oh, um, the doctors were pretty surprised too. Miracle recovery, they called it.” He lets out a forced laugh as you cock an eyebrow menacingly. Joshua sighs, dropping the facade. “Okay, that’s not working, huh.”

“No,” you tell him. “But I can break your leg right now to make it all true, because I know how much you hate lying to your best friend.”

He puts his hands up placatingly, taking a careful step back. “Hey, hey, hey, I can explain,” he says, sweating. “Why don’t we go back inside and get you something to drink, and then I can tell you why I lied,” he suggests with a nervous smile. “You must be parched.”

You give him a dirty look. “For blood, yeah,” you mutter. “This better be fucking good, Hong, or I’m going to break both your legs.”

Back in his room, you opt to stand near the doorway in case he tries to bolt. You’d tried to upend the peonies into the bin, but he’d grabbed them before you could, saying that the poor flowers weren’t to blame. Joshua sits on the edge of his bed, hugging the bouquet to his chest, and you fold your arms threateningly across your chest. “Alright,” you say waspishly. “Explain yourself.”

He looks down at his shoes, see-sawing the heels of his cleats back and forth. “Before you get mad,” he starts, “you gotta remember one thing. I did it for you.”

Your lips curl downwards into an unimpressed frown. “Let me get this straight. You lied to me about your leg being broken, sending my ex-boyfriend in your place to take me home, for my sake?”

Joshua winces. “That sounds pretty terrible when you put it like that,” he confesses. “But, yeah, I did.” You unfold your arms, making as if to step towards him, and he yelps, putting his hands up again. “Let me explain!”

“You’ve explained plenty,” you tell him.

“No, I still have stuff left!” he pleads. “Listen, after you broke up with that guy, you weren’t the one who had to deal with him afterwards. While you went back to college, I had to stay here and be there for him while he was moping all over the place.”

You roll your eyes. “I would hardly call you and Jeonghan friends. There’s no reason he would come to you for comfort.”

“I mean, yeah, he didn’t,” he admits, “but this is a small town. Do you know how hard it is to escape the news of one break-up, especially one as high-profile as yours.”

“High profile?”

“You know what I mean,” he chides. “The point is, you didn’t see him afterwards. He was really torn up about it, you know?” You purse your lips as Joshua leans forward, his expression turning serious. “I didn’t have any sympathy for him in the beginning, because of what you told me, but the more I saw of him the more difficult it became to match up the idea of the Jeonghan I knew and the Jeonghan you said told you all those things.”

Scoffing, you look away, unable to stand the sight of Joshua’s imploring eyes. “Just because you couldn’t make sense of it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”

He sighs. “Look, I’m not defending him. What he said to you—about not seeing the point in putting in effort, that you were just playing at charades, and the thing about your relationship being a childish mistake—”

You grit your teeth. “I get it. I was there, remember?”

“Yeah.” Joshua scratches his head, a thin line appearing between his brows. “He had no right to say any of that to you, but I still felt like there was something I was missing, so I went to talk to him.”

Defeated, you throw your hands up. “Of course you did.”

“And I don’t think he meant any of that. I mean, he still shouldn’t have said that shit, but…” Your eyes narrow to snakelike slits, and he shakes his head hastily. “Haven’t you ever gotten the feeling that despite all his bravado, the guy just doesn’t know how to express his feelings without getting defensive about them?”

You hesitate, biting your lip. Joshua sees the shift in your mood, and persists. “I might be wrong, and maybe breaking up with him was the best thing that ever happened to you,” he says, “but if there was the slightest chance of miscommunication, I would be a shitty best friend if I allowed you to let him go without a chance to set things right.” He tilts his head, sitting back. “So I faked a broken leg and kind of tricked him into thinking I was doing him a favor by letting him go get you in my place.”

“You tricked Jeonghan.” You can’t lie, you’re impressed. “Wow, you’re insane.”

“Um, I would say talented,” he argues. “Anyway, he was happy to do it. I think he was secretly looking for a chance to talk to you, so I thought a five hour drive might give him enough courage to tell you how he really felt. Then when you came back, I thought I’d surprise you, and we’d get to go on that trip after all. And then you texted me that you were eloping with him—”

“That’s not what it was.”

“—and I thought that my idea had worked. But then…” he trails off, and looks down at the flowers in his hands.

“But what?” you prompt.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” he says. “Something clearly went wrong.”

You sigh, and walk over to sit down heavily beside him. “It was going fine in the beginning,” you tell him. “But we didn’t actually talk about the argument, and after a point, I didn’t know how to bring it up. Then we sort of…” You wince.

Joshua frowns. “What?”

You think about all the different times the two of you fucked instead of talking about your feelings. “We kissed,” you finally speak, and Joshua shakes his head disappointedly. “A few times.”

“I’m getting the feeling that’s not all you did.”

You shush him. “And then it sort of reached a boiling point, and we argued. Again.” Your heart hurts as you remember the argument from only hours ago. “And he said some messed up things. Again.”

Joshua is silent for a few moments. Then he slings an arm over your shoulders, squeezing you against him in an incredibly comforting side hug. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles into your hair, and you blink back tears. 

“I missed you.” You reach up to wrap your hands around his shoulders. Joshua’s hugs are as comforting and as restrictive for your breathing as his mom’s. “I had the worst fucking time, but it was also the best fucking time,” you sniffle into the crook of his neck. Then you spot a gleaming trophy on his ledge. “Oh, so you guys did end up winning the playoffs.”

Joshua looks back, and nods. “Oh, yeah, the second half was absolutely insane. Remind me to tell you about it.”

You tuck your chin into his shoulder. “I still can’t believe I threw a whole tantrum about not getting to go on a trip,” you say, “when I could’ve just come back and done it anyway.”

“Don’t worry, we still have weeks to make up for that.” Joshua rubs your back comfortingly. “He’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, he is,” you mumble, speech slightly obstructed by your cheek squished against Joshua’s shoulder. “I just thought things might be different this time.”

“Me too,” he whispers.

You press your face back into his neck. "You're not off the hook, by the way."

Joshua sighs.

Joshua’s mom insists on throwing you a welcome back party that night, and despite being both emotionally and physically exhausted, you can’t find it in yourself to say no. She makes you your favorite cherry brownies, as promised, which are the only thing you eat before your appetite runs out.

You sit alone at the table after everyone is done eating and the guests have dispersed around the house, dragging your spin around the empty hollow of your bowl. Your shoulders feel heavy with the weight of all the mistakes you’ve made. As you sit there idly, you keep running your last conversation with Jeonghan over and over in your head, wondering what you could’ve said to make it go differently. 

You close your eyes, and for a moment you’re back to last October, standing on the ice-slicked ground outside the diner where you’ve celebrated every birthday with Jeonghan since eighth grade. His eyes are vacant and vicious and there’s ice trapped around your ribs that seems to be getting harder and sharper with every breath, and you’re screaming at each other until your throat is raw and your tears freeze in the cold.

There’s no point in crying over spilt milk, you suppose, and you’ve always been a hothead. You and Jeonghan together are about as mild as an active volcano.

Sighing, you get to your feet, the table cover rustling over your knees. You’ve stayed for about as long as you could have, and now you just want to sleep. I’m just gonna tell her I’m tired, you think, and head towards the backyard in hopes to catch Joshua’s mom conversing with someone there.

You step outside into the dark to find a single person sitting on the rickety old swing. Frowning, you move closer to figure out if it’s her, but the frame is too tall and masculine to be the person you’re looking for. “Sorry, I thought you were someone else,” you tell them as they raise their head, taking a step back.

“No. Stay.” A hand reaches out to wrap around your wrist, tugging it towards the swing. It’s then that you notice the silvery-blond hair, lit up by the smattering of light that shines out past the half-open screen door. Jeonghan gets to his feet, and you freeze. “Please.”

“I didn’t realize you were invited,” you say stiffly.

“I wasn’t. I just came to look for you,” he says. There’s an earnest touch to his voice, giving you pause. “To apologize.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, feeling your hackles rise. “What could you possibly have to say now?” You free your hand from his grasp, taking another step back. “You’ve made it sufficiently clear that this never meant anything to you.”

“Of course it meant something!” he yells. He takes a deep breath, chest still rising and falling. “I never wanted to hurt you. I was—I was scared.”

The notion sounds so ridiculous that you want to laugh in his face. But his eyes are still on yours, voice is gravelly and somber, and you feel like you’re rooted to the spot.

“Scared of what?” you whisper.

“Scared to repeat history,” he replies. “Scared to let my pride get the best of me again, say things I don’t mean. Lot of good that did me, since trying to avoid talking about it just led me to making the same mistakes.”

Your throat constricts painfully, like it’s being choked from the inside. “You really hurt me, you know,” you say hoarsely. “I never wanted to see your face again.”

A small, sad smile touches his lips. “I know,” he says. “Knowing that you didn’t want to see me made everything so much scarier. What if you just refused to come back with me? What if you’d rather just stay back or actually take the bus?” He seems to struggle with his words for a second. “When you agreed to come on that stupid road trip, I felt like I had struck the lottery.”

Your vision is blurry, and you blink rapidly against the oncoming tears. “Thank you,” you whisper, choking back the emotion that surges up your throat, “for telling me that. But,”

He waits.

“That’s not enough,” you complete tiredly. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Jeonghan asks, eyes blazing. He looks just as tired as you are. “Is it because of what I said? Because—I don’t know how to make you believe this, but I didn’t mean any of what I said.”

“No.” It feels like the only reason you’re standing still is because every cell in your body has had the energy sucked out of it, leaving you bone-weary. “It’s because you never say anything. And I’m sick of it, Jeonghan.” Your face twists as you try not to start sobbing like a little kid. “I can’t live knowing that you can go back to pretending to be that wooden, unfeeling shell of a person every time I rip myself to shreds in front of you. I hate that you never say a word, that you’re willing to watch me walk away rather than choke back that damn pride of yours. I’m fucking sick of it.”

His eyes soften. “I’m not the same person I used to be, sweetheart. Losing you taught me that,” he says quietly. “Even if I forget that at times myself. Please, just let me show you.”

“I'm not a girl anymore, Jeonghan,” you say tightly. “I don’t know how many second chances I have left in me.”

“That's what I'm afraid of.” He moves towards you, cupping your face. “Because you still feel like a girl to me… and I still feel like a boy around you. I'm afraid that you're growing up and away and out of me. That’s how I felt last October, when you came back so different, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I thought you wouldn’t need me anymore.”

“Then why didn't you say that?” you demand, lungs burning. “All this time, I've been—” You finally let the tears flow. “I’ve been so…”

“Because I'm still seventeen," he breathes, "every time I look at you, choking on my words as you come down the stairs in your prom dress. I might be a devil, but when it comes to you, words still fail me." 

There’s a barbed wire wrapped around your spine, a spike stabbing into each vertebrae, that tightens and tightens with every word that comes out of his mouth. He laughs under his breath, as if remembering something. “You see,” he says, “being around you kind of activates my fight or flight instinct.”

A broken laugh bubbles to your lips, and you blink against the tears that seem to make everything brighter around you. “You suck,” you tell him honestly, making him smile as if you’d just told him he was the most perfect man on earth. Standing straighter, you school your features into an expression of formality, and clear your throat. “So how are you planning on not making the same mistakes again?”

“Well,” he says, “I’m gonna try really, really hard.”

You cast your eyes heavenward. “You’re really lucky I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

“I know.” Jeonghan takes your face between his cold hands and pulls you in for a firm kiss. You clutch the hem of his t-shirt, feeling warmth spread down to your toes when he smiles into the kiss. “I’m hopelessly in love with you, too.”

“Oh, look at you, all grown up,” Joshua gushes as you lug your olive green suitcase down the front steps of your porch. “Going off to college for the first day of her final year. I feel like we should take a photo to remember this moment.”

“Joshua, shut up,” Jeonghan grunts as he lifts the bag. “If you have the time to take a photo, you have the time to help me out with the luggage.”

“Um, aren’t you forgetting something?” Your best friend points exaggeratedly at the plaster cast that covers his foot. “I’m a bit disabled at the moment.”

Karma had come full circle for him when he’d tried to take over the neighboring eleven-year-old’s trampoline, and had ended up breaking his leg for real. Everyone thinks he deserved it except Joshua himself, who’d warmed up to the idea anyway when he’d realized that he could get people to sign cool stuff on his cast.

“You’re acting like I’m going for my first day at kindergarten or something.” You roll your eyes. 

“Yeah, you’re a real grown-up,” he leans over to pat your arm, withdrawing it hastily when you threaten to kick his broken leg. “Jeez, calm your tits.”

“I am calm.”

“Totally.” Jeonghan slams the boot of the Corolla, making a cloud of dust puff up. He reaches over to press a chaste kiss to your lips. “You ready to go?”

“I really think we should take a picture,” Joshua interjects.

Both of you turn to glare at him, and he shrinks into the wheelchair. “Sensing some hostility,” he mutters. “So ungrateful, considering that I’m the whole reason you’re together in the first place.”

“Exaggeration,” you say, and turn to Jeonghan. “I’ll just be a moment, okay?”

He nods, and you give him a tiny smile before running back inside the house. Joshua shakes his head curiously at Jeonghan, who only shrugs in response, just as mystified. They wait for a few more seconds, and Joshua pulls out the marker and begins doodling inside the D of your signature on his cast, which is a sweet, short message: Dick.

“Okay!” You command the attention back to yourself with a clap of your hands as you emerge from the door, this time with the plastic pink heart-shaped sunglasses adoring your face. “How do I look?” you ask, propping them up on the top of your head, and giving them a little twirl.

“Like an idiot,” your best friend says, deadpan. You smack the back of his head as you pass him. “Also, don’t forget your Hello Kitty backpack. They go with your glasses.”

“That’s mine, actually,” Jeonghan says pointedly, and turns to you with a heart-melting smile. “And you look gorgeous as always.”

“Disgusting,” Joshua comments.

You flip him off. “I’m ready to go now.”

“Well, then,” your boyfriend says breezily, patting the hood of the car, which causes another cloud of dust to billow into the air. “Get in. We don’t have all day.”

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