“I Want To Speak To A Manager,” The Middle-aged Woman Said In Her Stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago

the hogwarts houses as things my brother does

ravenclaw: constantly explaining the minutia of his interests

hufflepuff: gets drunk and talks about how much he loves his friends

slytherin: spins a web of lies to get out of chores

gryffindor: "U WOT M8"

nothing feels better than winning monopoly. not love. not sex. not free pizza. nothing

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

I love how humans have literally not changed throughout history like the graffiti from Pompeii has people from hundreds of years ago writing stuff like “Marcus is gay” “I fucked a girl here” “Julius your mum wishes she was with me” and leonardo da vinci’s assistants drew dicks in their notebooks just for the banter and mozart created a piece called “kiss my ass” so when people wish for ‘today’s generation’ to be like ‘how people used to’ then we’re already there buddy we’ve always been

Happiness Will Come To You.

When you start a series that is already complete and you don’t have to wait for the next book:

Straight dudes are their own worst enemies when it comes to getting laid.

i am begging everyone to watch this video right now

Lance: Let me get this straight, more like let me run something bi you.

Hunk: Let’s pan this out.

Pidge: Let’s ace-ess the situation.

Keith: I’m gay.

ok straight up if i went to hogwarts and the stairs started moving just as i was getting to where i was going I’d just lie down on the stairs and give up. Not going back to my dorm tonight lads that’s where i live now. Stairs wanna fuck with me? Jokes on them I’ve already given up on life this is just another step further into my grave.