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Care to share with the class?

Making my little sister identify random Star Trek characters:

White Bread:

“If the computer ever doesn’t work, he sticks his finger in the socket and becomes the computer.”

“He hasn’t been outside in like, 80 years.”

“He cuts his own hair.”

Charles Xavier:

“He’s Captain Kirk’s father.”

“He comes onto the ship only for parent observation day, and he enjoys a good doughnut.”

Banana:

“He chose his name based on the color of his shirt. When you join the space, they let you pick a new name.”

“He works in the cafeteria, but everybody hates it because he only serves bananas.”

(This child has watched the original series. I don’t understand.)

Martha John:

“She used to be a nun, but she liked the space life instead, so she quit the sisterhood and joined the space.”

“White Bread cuts her hair too, with computer-like precision.”

“She hosts the ship’s karaoke party every Friday, and always opens with ‘My Heart Will Go On’.”

Darren:

“He’s the head of weapons” (said after I insisted that the ship has to have people with practical skills and not just party organizers.)

“When he joined, everyone thought he was so pretty they put his picture up everywhere.”

“He studies aliens but only the little ones.”

Winkle:

“They rescued Winkle from a bacon farm.”

“They give him a spray tan when he feels sad.”

“His job on the ship is he’s an emotional support animal, but he’s also a man.”

Sansha:

“What’s on her head?”

“Okay she studies space bugs, but when she flies around in space her visit only covers part of her face, so there’s bug debris.”

“She doesn’t like Winkle because he’s not a bug.”

“First name: He. Last name: Hears”

“He’s the professional ‘spakeup artist’ (space makeup artist). His job is to make them all look good.”

“Ears are in style right now.”

“His eyeshadow is on fleek.”

Dan:

“Just an ordinary man.”

“His part-time job is fixing the ship’s engines. His full-time job is being a footrest. He sits down and lets people rest their feet on him.”

“They’re not sure he’s human but don’t question him because he might have a deeper power.”

Lieclops:

“He lies.”

“He’s in charge of alien communications because he speaks a bunch of languages, but he only knows how to lie.”

“He has no eyes, only lies. That’s his motto. ‘All lies, no eyes’.”

every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up

Everyone hating one person is literally not how it works. Yell 'I'm being goob' in your head come on

sometimes when I’m being especially self deprecating and convinced no one likes me I have to tell myself “you’re being goob. you are being goob right now”

https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/im-broke-and-friendless-and-ive-wasted-my-whole-life.html

Anyone who's ever done anything creative needs to fucking see this.

Clark: Bruce Bruce what is this 9 yr old Dick: :D Clark: Bruce Bruce, haggard, injecting 5 hour energy straight into his arm: baby bird Clark: you can't let a child fight crime Bruce, near tears: you want to try and stop him? please for the love of God Clark try please Dick: I'm gonna do murder! Dick: *cartwheels* Clark: oh no Bruce: that's what I said

Oh my GOODNESS I'm not alone

I know, like, my daily schedule from the age of 3 on. I remember my first birthday party. I remember how terrifying the whole world was and no one seemed to care??? Or the things your brain would make up against your will to scare you and you KNEW it wasn't real but you still had to act like it was bc the longer you look the worse it gets. Or everyone yelling at you for things you don't understand and no one has actually bothered to explain because they forgot we're not born knowing crawling on the bathroom floor is 'gross.'

A friend has once again brought it to my attention that it is unusual to have an intact chronological memory of life prior to age 12 and you know what’s weird to ME is that the rest of yall forgot how to sing the clean-up song

He just keeps leaning farther and farther

me while writing: ah yes, this character should do this, it feels so natural with what they're saying

me while editing: why the FUCK does he lean on the doorway SEVENTEEN TIMES IN THIS CHAPTER