Ayyy

things that have happened at work today:

-a man paid for the tables next to him’s meal

-a man gave me a $25 dollar tip on top of his $50 dollar bill

-i swept the same area 11 times.

-i spilled ranch on my hand at least twice

-i carried 9 cups in 2 hands

-three grown men ordered fruit punch and honey barbecue wings

-a young child flung himself off the booth because ketchup touched a piece of chicken on his plate. after he dipped one in ketchup

-6 old men came in and ordered they’re usual. i have never seen these men before. apparently they go there every day for lunch. i have worked here for almost a week.

-apparently my boss feeds the crows. today a very large one came and sat next to my car staring me in the eyes

dash is dead im teleporting to the past

https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard?max_post_id=606474489540042752

why buy the cow? - John Mulaney

$tone Cold Killa

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I hope this e-mail finds you living in a shotgun shack

Reblog if you want a terrible, 3 sentence fan fiction in your ask, based on your url

I’m just going to leave this here…Please don’t report me to the Broadway poilce. This show is just too beautiful not to share. 

on all levels except physical I’m tenderly holding a chicken in my arms