Normality

Normality

One of my best friends called me odd, whimsical, even eccentric at times. He asked me, not to take it the wrong way because I'm special hence I'm allowed to be. I was so flattered but it made me think.

I used to try so hard to be normal. I tried to be like everyone else and failed miserably. Then the coping mechanisms kicked in and I renounced every social convention - everything normal. Don't get me wrong, I never tried to be myself, but I was as different as possible. Looking back now, I was the kangaroo from the kangaroo chronicles and it was fun, it still is.

Schools of therapists tried to teach me the basic skills needed to live a happy life but not my happy life. In their arrogance they tried to mould me into one of those people I detest so so so much. Reflecting on it, it's exactly what I do with my clients. I hate it. What if they just want to be their own version of the kangaroo? Is that who I want to be? The guy living his dreams, travelling the world, trying to take as big a dump on the man and society as possible, but telling other people to adapt? And if so, how much is the right amount?

But the most pressing question is: Did I turn into one of them? I used to live by a rule, I'm not sure who said it, but knowing me, some philosopher. If you find yourself on the side of the majority, stop and reflect. I argue within the system. Just like politicians unable to see, there are different ways of doing things. Ways outside of a capitalistic oppressive society. Instead of fighting me/us on changing the world, I was lulled into their world. I have a decent job, make okay money, study in my free time and shut the fuck up because I'm fed, stressed and all in all happy.

What am I to conclude now? What can I do? What will I do? It remains to be seen. I'll start by being myself some more, even if that means running headfirst into some walls. But most importantly I'll keep using the train. It's just the best way to get around whilst being able to think.