UTRH AU - (before Revelation) Jason Tries To Kill Dick But Can’t Keep His Emotions Under Control. Loosely

finished fanart of "The Unsteady Retirement of One Mr Peter Benjamin Parker" by aestorian :DD

backgrounds aren't rlly my forte so it took me forever to render before it started looking half decent lmao but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out :33

me and pooks

uppies!!

Bruce- So anyway, then I-, wait. Hang on.

Bruce, standing and walking to the window, pulling it open and leaning out of it- Don't even think about it!

Jason- Oh, come on!

Dick- How'd you know?!

Tim- I TOLD you he bugged us!

Clark- What were they about to do?

Bruce- No idea. But I've learned to play the odds

Dick: We’re going to be working with Jason today.

Tim: Jason? Didn’t the Joker kill him?

Dick: I’ll ask.

Dick, yelling: HEY JASON DID THE JOKER MURDER YOU?!

Jason, from the other room: YEAH!

Dick: See?

Tim: That answered none of my questions.

The "Get Along Shirt"

!!!!!!

and on a similar note, I don’t think Bruce yells except in very specific situations.

like I don’t think he yells around the house when he’s annoyed or when the kids are pissing him off. he’s more of a lecture guy. so much so that the kids compete every year to see who gets the longest lecture. the winner gets some sort of bat themed merch (it changes every year. last year Duke got a pair of boxers with the bat symbol across the ass)

BUT

when Bruce is scared, he gets loud. He’ll yell about “how could you be so reckless” and how “I need you to be better than this.” It’s how the kids know they’ve really freaked him out.

the first time Dick gets yelled at by Bruce, he’s 10. He was jumping rooftops too fast and slipped. Bruce catches him by the cape, drags him back to the batmobile, and totally dresses him down.

Dick bursts into tears. Not because he’s scared, but because he can feel the fear rolling off Bruce in waves. and it feels so wrong for Bruce to be that scared because he’s The Batman and he’s not supposed to be scared of anything.

anyway. Bruce’s fear is loud.

Bruce: Has anyone seen Jason and Damian?

Tim: That went out

Bruce: For what?

Dick: Something about Jason breaking a whetstone- don't ask- and Damian demanding he replace that

Bruce: We already have a whetstone for the batarang

Tim: Yeah, but Damian said and I quote "My katana was forged by greatest bladesmiths the League of Assassins has to offer, that cheap rock will not go anywhere near it"

Bruce: ...That does sound like Damian

Dick: Yep. So now we're just waiting on them

[5 minutes later]

Tim: [looks at his phone and starts laughing]

Tim: You guys are not gonna believe this

Dick: What?

[Shows a trending video of Jason walking across a parking lot with a bag in one hand and a screaming Damian under his arm, before noticing the camera and saying, "don't worry, he's mine I'm not stealing him." *pause* "if I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn't be this asshole"]

Bruce: [tired sigh] Sadly, I can believe it...

Dick: Well, at least he got the whetstone

wish i was a burger cake.

birthday hangout!! they went to jasons favourite shitty diner afterwards :)

not him eating a very sugary burger fondant cake

bad influence