I Would Really Like To Know What Exactly Is Wrong With Me, That Makes Me So Unlovable?

“I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.””

— Ned Vizzini

She doesn’t talk about you like you put the stars in the sky anymore

signs that your family is abusive:

•you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

•you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

•you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

•you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

•you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

•you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

•you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

•you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

•you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

•you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

•you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

•you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

•you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

•you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

•you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

•you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped.

I always fall in love with the illusion. But what can I say? It feels so good.

— Rose O.

i hate when people misunderstand my shyness for unfriendliness like no!!! i actually like you! i’m just a piece of shit that can’t communicate

I can’t deal with my family anymore, they complain that I sit in my room and not talk to them enough and when I do, every single time without fail it ends in a argument leaving me feeling even more drained and done. Then they still wonder why I’m like this. 

The depression won today. Staying home from school because it’s too hard to get out of bed. I just woke up and I already know the days going to consist of suicidal thoughts and sleeping the pain away.

“I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough.”

— Unknown (via sheholdsyoucaptivated)

“I lost interest in everything, you know? All the things I used to love doing, I haven’t done them in months. Major pieces of me are missing and no one even sees that I’m fading away.”

— (via depression-stays-but-you-dont)