I’m Being So Serious Btw When I Say That Aziraphale Needs To Break Down And Scream And Cry And Shout

I’m being so serious btw when I say that Aziraphale needs to break down and scream and cry and shout and express his anger for once. Like I’ve already made a post about how Aziraphale’s response to his abuse is different from Crowley’s, how it’s less socially acceptable and less represented than “instinctual aversion to anything that reminds the victim of the abuser” and how the fandom has reacted really poorly to it (hey maybe instead of blaming the victim for returning to the source of abuse we should… idk, be blaming the abuser?) but I really really hope that Aziraphale gets to actually recognise his abuse and be allowed to process it properly.

Throughout the whole show, and I think we can safely assume, his whole life, he has not cried. He has not cried, or shouted or screamed or let his cheery facade slip for more than a few moments at once. He does not have any healthy coping mechanisms, he cannot acknowledge his abuse and he cannot escape (nor does he feel like he can escape) from the source of abuse. He is still there. He is still being abused, controlled and manipulated right down to the last second of season 2. He has not had the time or the freedom to unpack or even recognise his religious trauma, let alone learn how to deal with it properly. You have to understand this before you blame the entire final fifteen on him.

I am so tired of people thinking that Crowley has faced more abuse than Aziraphale just because it is less subtle and more widely recognised. That is honestly such a harmful idea to have, especially considering how common it is for abuse victims to react in the exact same way as Aziraphale before, during and after they’ve escaped the abusive situation. And you know what? I think the one person who would understand this is Crowley. He knows that Aziraphale is in an abusive situation, he’s been through it himself, and he can recognise what is going on. He knows that Aziraphale is not the enemy, and yes, Aziraphale does need to apologise for hurting him during the final fifteen but if Crowley forgives him, there isn’t anything wrong with that. Crowley understands the context and he understands that Aziraphale is just as much of a victim as he is.

The fandom would do well to understand that too. We’re not picking sides. Aziraphale is just as much of a victim as Crowley is and the person to blame is, and always has been, Heaven’s corrupt and manipulative system.