If House Md Were Running In 2024 There Would Be An Episode With A Patient Who Identifies As An ‘online

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

More Posts from Idrawtooslow and Others

4 months ago

Which type of "what the fuck" monster do you prefer, the lovecraft "I cannot comprehend this as that's terrifying", or the "I can comprehend this and I wish I didn't"?

I'm quite fond of "I thought I could comprehend this but I've just been struck by some Implications and now I'm afraid to comprehend any further"


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5 months ago

This Spring, I reserved a room online, at a Best Western motel, and received a pop-up message that said, "Thank you for submitting."

My apologies for not getting a screenshot.


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3 months ago

Oh, they know exactly what they're doing.

It's often not even the same crab. Can you recognize individual members of a species you've never seen before?

Why is the crab in danger? So you will keep watching. Creating mortal peril for your subjects is SOP for wildlife videography.

There's more awareness now, and you can't be certain that's what you're looking at nowadays, thank goodness, but there's still a lot of that. Because the networks pay for it.

Mainstream television has this weird superstition that everything has to follow one of a few specific plotlines very closely, or nobody will watch it.

That said, I miss the old school nature documentaries sometimes, because either they prioritized information over their narrative (Nature With George Page), or they went full send with an actually good narrative (Wild America).

idrawtooslow - I can draw, but not very fast.

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4 months ago

Let's thank our villainous voice actors!

Let's Thank Our Villainous Voice Actors!

Everyone say "Thank you!" to Georgina Leahy, the voice actor who brought to life Stella, this horrible lady-demon-bird-thing whom it feels so good to hate!

Anyone can chew scenery, but to really make a character feel odious in a way that makes it feel cathartic to hate them… that takes talent and hard work.

And the way Leahy voices Stella just a little lower and hoarser than her natural voice… that isn't something you can do all day without risking permanent consequences.

~@~

Let's also remember to thank Jason LaShea, the voice actor who brought to life Andreaplhus, the most punchable conniving bastard in web animation!

Let's Thank Our Villainous Voice Actors!

Sneering isn't a talent, but building a lawful evil antagonist with just the right balance of arrogance and sliminess, while matching the physical appearance and mannerisms of an animated character, is very much a talent, and also requires a lot of hard work!

So, as we wait for Season 3 and dream of wringing these characters' scrawny little bird necks, let's remember to show some love for the humans behind our villains, yeah?


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3 months ago

I think the number one worst piece of traditional advice people give about being bullied is to "stand up to the bully."

This only works if you can make a convincing show of force to the bully, if you can convince them that there will be consequences to further attacks.

If you try to bluff a bully and fail (as is very likely, bullies generally have enough social awareness to pick their targets and to get away with bullying), the bully will punish you. Severely. Standing up to a bully with no credible defense or threat gets you pounded.

Instead, gather allies and confront the bully together. Cultivate authorities and destroy the bully's ability to get away with crimes or prohibited actions. Devise asymmetrical ways of retaliating, using any advantages you might possess. If possible, find ways to make your show of force without making an actual counterattack on the bully. That way you can maintain the moral advantage.

Don't escalate. Keep your responses proportional, even restrained, and your mind focused and calm. If you're more aggressive or harmful than the bully, you've either opened yourself up to being seen as the problem, or given the bully a justification to take even more harmful actions against you. Bullies often try to provoke this exact mistake, by getting their targets angry.

If the bully is a powerful group, which can't safely be confronted or resisted, it may be necessary to suffer some retribution, some punishment, and continue to confront or resist anyway, to send the message that no amount of retribution, however violent, will stop your resistance, or change your behavior.


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3 months ago

How about hat racing? You can hat race on foot, or with horses or bicycles, or even in convertibles.

Everyone wears the same kind of hat. If your hat blows off or falls off during the race, you're disqualified.

No trying to knock off each other's hats. No adhesives.


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7 months ago

My Dad: "The Melrose [apple tree] also has some massive pups."

Me: " . . . . . "

Me: "Just so you know, you should expect some... weird reactions... if you use the phrase 'has some massive pups' in public."


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1 year ago
OSP Red, Over On Her Tumblr Blog Comicaurora, Posted A Brilliant And Refreshingly Frank Analysis Of "Fable

OSP Red, over on her Tumblr blog Comicaurora, posted a brilliant and refreshingly frank analysis of "Fable of the Dragon Tyrant."

I can't believe I didn't figure out it was an allegory about death, but we all miss something sometimes, I guess.

Go read the whole post.


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idrawtooslow - I can draw, but not very fast.
I can draw, but not very fast.

I have thousands of shitposts, rants, and essays sitting in notebooks, left over from decades of not using social media or having many friends. Hold on tight.

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