Sappho, If Not Winter: Fragments Of Sappho (tr. By Anne Carson)

How I wish I had a feast of potatoes placed forth in front of me .

It struck me as odd to see men act as though women are coddled for their emotions while men are told to man up. No one has coddled my emotions and it’s a very few times they’ve been validated. Women have been seen as overly emotional creatures who can’t form rational judgements— hysterical, crazy, and insane.

the biggest bullshit everrrrr is when people say "men and boys are punished for crying whereas women and girls are validated and comforted" it's such bullshit people will literally see a woman crying and call her an evil manipulative bitch

Reading papers and making a document with links to my favorite ones. “Favorite” here means papers that I read through and gathered some insight from. To be fair it’s a matter of readability. Did I read through it? Can I read through it? Then it’s my Favorite paper just for that. I want to learn more and read more papers and eventually I’ll have Favorite Papers that aren’t based on the mere fact I read through them. Next: reading a paper that outlines the thermal developments of the universe

I am aching for a life where I haven’t already failed at the ripe age of 20

Neeed to derive centripetal force. and derive the Lorentz factor Again

Perpetually discontent because I long for intimacy but I also don’t want others to impose themselves in my space. Don’t act as though we’re close, don’t insert yourself in everything I think or do, don’t take what’s mine. What I like is mine and you’re not allowed to waltz in and treat it as if it’s your own. I feel this about the things I like learning about. It’s mine, find another subject.

I tried deriving the Lorentz factor for the second time last Night and well the geometry was quite straight forward but the algebra :-< Have I. Become the people who get to calculus and begin struggling with basic math… Help! I didn’t finish it but I’ll try it again but to bypass that algebraic manipulation I might do the derivation with the parallel wires which is arguably more rigorous

Going through periods of health scares when I notice something about my body and think I’m dying but eventually it turns out to be nothing/normal but nonetheless doesn’t feel less scary each time

I hope I one day have the courage to speak up and not be so afraid of being judged poorly by others. It’s so hard to speak in front of people I’m so socially incompetent

I am currently very afraid of being stupid and dumb. It’s the worst thing one can be. I’m afraid I’ll dumb down even more I can’t imagine living a life where I’m stupid and dumb and I continue to get more stupid and dumb. It’s my nightmare I need to exercise my brain