Invisiblynumb

You thought you were going to be hot shit, didn’t you? You thought you were going to be somebody , didn’t you? Overreaching without ambition, you know what that means? It means you weren’t brave enough to be better. It means you are mediocre. You wanna fail me? I fucking dare you! Screw your courage to the sticking place and make it mean something to you because this banality, this falsity you wallow in will devour you until you are as small as you pretend to be. And then… you will disappear and no one will give any more thought to you than they do an unread cookie fortune..

“I’m drowning.”

— “Let me know if you need anything.”

“I haven’t slept in days.”

— “Let me know if you need anything.”

“I don’t want to get out of bed.”

— “Let me know if you need anything.”

“It feels like everything is piling on top of me.”

— “Let me know if you need anything.”

Over and over,

I speak.

I crack open the door to my pain,

let pieces fall out,

quietly hoping someone will catch them.

But the words just echo back

into an empty hallway

with nothing but

“I’m here if you need anything”

to cushion the fall.

What does that even mean—

if no one’s really listening?

If no one knocks, no one checks in,

no one sits beside you

in the silence where words don’t reach.

Each time I say I’m not okay,

and it’s met with nothing but space,

it teaches me something:

my voice doesn’t matter here.

So I stop saying it.

I stop reaching out.

I stop hoping.

The loneliness grows louder.

The weight gets heavier.

And eventually,

even breathing feels like a burden.

“Let me know if you need anything”

isn’t comfort.

It’s a curtain drawn between me and the world.

It’s a phrase said to feel helpful,

without being helpful at all.

Because if no one listens,

if no one shows up,

then communication isn’t key—

it’s a locked door

with no one on the other side.

And eventually,

you stop knocking.

You stop trying.

You just let it all collapse.

"You can tell me everything, i'll be here for you"

No you won’t.

You’ll use it against me later.. 🖕🏻

When I say I hit an all time low,

I mean that I spent two hundred and eighty nine days without sunlight,

I’ve never known a rose to grow immersed in eternal night -

auctioned off my heart for the gift of sight,

I wonder how long I’ve lived my life blinded by the rose tinted glass?

false love will have you struggling to distinguish between gold and brass.

I draw out the sequence.

your palms met her flesh,

my reflection in the mirror is reduced to ash.

I feel my heart hit the floor,

blood stains in the carpet - proof that love does not live here anymore

next time just wrap them around my neck,

I get the same hand of cards

out of every single deck.

from love,

suffocating, choking,

that is the only sensation I have come to expect,

you know that better than me,

extinguished every fire set to your trees,

don’t you remember?

she left everything around you to burn,

choked on all the smoke,

still you fixated on all the ember,

if this body was ever not hollow,

I wouldn’t remember.

two hundred and eighty nine days,

I spent treading in the shallow,

moulded my existence out of clay just to fill another persons shadow.

Im still getting over the fact that you will never pay for what you did. But I will. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, it doesn’t go away.