He's Being Upgraded From Handcrusher To Murderer And This Development Concerns Him Deeply.

To the Heart of It

Pairing(s): Alternate! Cesar Torres X Gender Neutral! Reader

Summary: You try and tell yourself that you didn't lose the love of your life, you just have to keep believing that... But why is the alternate letting you believe your own lie?

A/N: Down the rabbit hole I go, I guess. I wanted to explore this idea so here, I probably won't be writing for the Mandela Catalogue again tho - I won't be taking requests.

(I also again do not have a blog for this, so I'm just posting it on my main.)

Warning(s): Angst. Mentions of Suicide and Character Death. Obsessive/Possessive Behavior. Body Horror.

When you came to see Cesar, worried about his lack of correspondence, you didn't even consider the alternates as an obstacle. There would be nothing getting in the way of you seeing him. Come hell or high water.

Bursting into the nearly empty house, you called his name over and over in search. Close to sobbing at the stabbing of anxiety every second you went on without knowing of he was okay.

Cesar's voice was low when it called to you, quiet as your name came from the end of the dark hallway.

You sprinted towards him without hesitation, arms swinging ariund his body. Enough to make him stumble and grunt in surprise.

Sobbing into his neck, you whisper, "I'm so happy..."

He was motionless before he cradled you in his arms.

You knew then that he wasn't Cesar.

Not quite anyway.

His voice would distort and shake between his sweet nothings.

His form, while sharing his face, was different depending on the day.

He'd come back smelling like blood.

But he always came back, always spent his time with you. Reciprocating your affections and "sleeping" in your arms, taking the time to run out to get supplies and make sure the house was stocked.

His laugh was the same, his voice was still gentle as it spoke to you.

He cradled you in his arms like you two were the only people in the world.

He still wasn't your Cesar Torres.

Just a monster wearing his skin.

It was nice to pretend.

But one winter night, tucked in the chest of the thing you knew killed the man you loved...

"I know you're not actually him." You whisper, staring at the swirling darkness at the edges of the room.

Still sleepy, even as the being behind you twitched.

"What do you mean?"

He almost sounded... Nervous.

"I know you're an alternate... I've known this whole time, the minute I heard you speak." You were so tired "... Why did you play along? Let me pretend?"

There was silence, oppressive and heavy. Lanky arms, that were much too powerful, curled tighter around your body.

In the whole of your heart, you couldn't call him an it.

His voice was fragmented, others interspersed between his soft tones.

"I was curious."

"Knew humans do a lot for their loved ones."

"Wanted to see why he loved you so much."

"Wanted to experience what it was like to be loved."

There was an extended silence and the whispers quieted.

"Cesar's" voice came, lips pressed to your ear. His voice was quiet, "Do you still love me?"

You peer into the shadows, your eyes welling with tears. Feeling very alone at the prospect of being left, arms like a vice around you. But he's still here.

He hasn't let go.

You would not cave to dying at your own hands.

Not when you seeked out the answer.

He knew that.

You turn.

His eyes were black as the void, dark and deep.

Your fingers curled around his cheek.

"Are you going to leave if I tell you that I do?" Your voice shook, fingers sweeping through his dark hair.

He shut his eyes, seemingly enjoying the feeling. Sighing quietly, though he is not breathing anymore. As there was no need to do it for show now thst you knew.

"No." His lashes were as dark and pretty as his hair having used photos to make sure he was close as he could be. "I don't think I can anymore."

Lips still soft as he kissed you, murmuring against your mouth. "You're mine now dearest lamb... I won't let you be taken by anything else. Other humans... My own kind... No one, not even yourself."

You whimpered against his lips but it's stamped out as he kissed you deeper, pressing you into the mattress.

"You've given... me a taste of love, made me... burn for you." He said in reverence, voice stalling occasionally "... I love you the way he did."

His face twisted a bit above you, stretching the features of the man you adored into frightening proportions. Smile stretched wide across his face.

"Will you still call me Cesar, dearest?... Can you still love me knowing I am not him?"

You peer at him.

Unafraid.

Just seeing this bastardized version of him should have broken you.

Should have driven you MAD, finally ready to run instead into the arms of death to see an afterlife with the real Cesar.

In the end, you fell in love with this creature.

All because he donned your boyfriend's face.

Cesar, the real one, might curse your name until you died and went to hell. For falling for the creature that killed him and wore his skin.

But as you lived and breathed, it was still love.

Your hands wound around his neck and you kissed his grotesque features, peppering his face.

He sunk into your affections like a cat.

You only smile.

"Do you have another name? Or will just petnames suffice?"

His cold, thin fingers stroke away your tears while his face morphed back into familiar territory.

"... Keep calling me Cesar until we'll pick a new name together."

You hummed, gently drawing him back under the covers. Body curling comfortingly around you.

Protective.

Solid.

... In the end, you still get to be with the man you loved more than anything so you were happy.

And now... So was he.

Addressing more YY Allegations

8/29/20 @ 1:06PM

I don’t condone anything mentioned in this post, this is just a post in regard to new things coming out.

Do not attack or harass me or anyone I made mention of in this post.

This was simply made to inform and critique.

I’ve been silent on my TikTok about the Yagami Yato situation because I didn’t want to bring it straight to me, a page of just straight self indulgence.

Of general positivity.... Comfort for those who need it.

I really don’t know what to do here other than give the information I learned.

It will likely be the last of these posts because I can’t take anymore of these, it is messing with my mental health and I don’t like negativity on my blogs. Justified or not.

Especially for the sake of escapism.

Mentions of animal cruelty and sexual abuse.

There had been multiple screenshots released regarding her apparent torture/abuse of animals in her younger years. Even some dark comment on her dealing with sexual assault.

There is speculation going around that they are real/fake, there is not proof of either.

The screenshots most definitely exist and YY has yet to properly address them other than just denying it.

I only have a screenshot of the screenshots of the screenshots that are basically unreadable because the font is so SMALL. Again, I learned all of this from TikTok.

They were apparently from November of last year and it’s a wonder why they haven’t come out more recently?

While I understand where she is coming from, staying silent and complacent just incriminates her more. Yes, there are people that genuinely dislike her... There are also people that are just trying to give her critique, trying to see what is wrong and why she should stop or be more mindful in what she says and does.

These allegations are just getting more and more serious and while I'm now more of a neutral party - if this turns out to be true, she needs to be held responsible. We did not offer Shane Dawson that kindness. This is going to be a big mess and we are in the eye of the goddamn storm. I will bring more update when I learn more information....

I do know that a lot of people that support and love her...

And that we need to realize while we adore her and believe that she is a warm, kind person....

We truly don’t know her.

Especially from the other sides of our screens.

~ Dari

Edit (8/29/20 @ 2:17PM): YY has made a Patreon post with visual/video proof. The apparent screenshot sharer is her friend and the both of them debunked they even shared a convo like that. They have continued speaking even after the posting of those screenshots? It was apparently meant to doxx said friend on top of that.

Pastel punk trans man fashion with a horror movie theme for @worstpopcorn Pastel rainbow and black rose flower crown Trans colors cat paw pride pin Ceramic dismembered torso necklace Trans colors plaid fingerless gloves Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein brooches It’s alive pastel green Frankenstein necklace Invisible man enamel pin The Thing crab head patch Trans flag beanie Trans colors drooling lips patch Trans colors spiked pentagram choker Trans colors baphomet cat shirt Beheaded pastel gore shirt Knife earrings

Pastel double breasted suede jackets

I adore your new Cesar fic it’s so 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Thank you, I wanted to experiment a little and the idea of falling for the genuine alternate would be interesting.

It was very fun to write and I'm glad it reached you!

I'm also real flattered you liked something that I really didn't think would get much attention! You're the first to comment on it!

~ Dari

Could we crash tumblr if we all posted the word "crash" on the 1st of april 2022, 12:35 EST?

Sounds good, my guy, can’t wait.

Ok so I’ve seen these before so I’m doing one now

Everyone who reblogs this is gonna get a superhero or villain with specific powers, and a name or whatever, and mayyyybe a little bit of backstory...

All depending on your blog’s theme!

I need the practice and also I’m a bit bored :)

Rabbits Rabbits Rabbits

Reblog this on the first of the month for good luck all month long!