Adventures Of Of The Batchildren

Slytherin x Ravenclaw

- first of all, sytherin is absolutely adorable. like puppy-in-a-tea-cup adorable

- except the puppy is a pit bull and it’s angry 

- so like cute as hell and kind of terrifying 

- ravenclaw is weird; they spend more time in their own head than in the real world

- *stubs toe* “oh fudge”

- has a weird fashion sense that they get bullied for

- until slytherin secretly took the bullies aside and threatened to shove their wands so far up their asses they sneeze splinters

- definitely partners in crime 

- like they would be notorious for their pranks, worse than Fred and George 

- slytherin would have sadistic glee in coming up with them

- ravenclaw figures out the logistics. nothing is more satisfying than seeing that marshmallow fluff land exactly where they wanted it to 

- most things they do are out of boredom 

- “hey so I found this in the potion stores the other day—" 

- "baneberry potion? dude, you could kill a city with that shit.”

- *smirks like the grinch* “I know." 

- they would skip a lot of class, but only because they know everything already 

- slytherin being protective of ravenclaw

- *hugs slytherin*

- “um”

- “..”

- “ok this can stop now”

- *hugs them tighter*

- “..ok”

- ravenclaw getting really excited about the nerdiest things, like figuring out a new potion or seeing a rare butterfly

- and slytherin just smiles and thinks they look so adorable

- not being very into PDA, but they always link pinkies whenever they’re next to each other

- braiding each other’s hair and taking it really seriously

- “I’m so glad we hate all the same people”

When your computer stylus breaks in half when you come back to finish a drawing

And you can’t get a new one until tomorrow but you wanna draw now.

.........

AAAAAAAAAAAAASSAAAAAADJJFIDJCJHRJEJRISIHRBIEJDJHDIWOFNUSIIDNRGUSJFBUWOKSHD

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My therapist: just because you made a plan doesn’t mean you’ll always follow it perfectly, and that’s okay. It’s better to follow a plan cursorily than not at all.

Me, sobbing: THAT WAS AN OPTION???

Honestly, I think I could wait until Wrestlemania 34 if it means Roman vs Cena as long as when we’re least expecting it we hear out of nowhere.

Sierra. Hotel. India. Echo. Lima. Delta. SHIELD!

And then you have the camera facing Roman standing there with a smug look on his face, whilst the cameras are scanning the crowd to find Seth and Dean walking through the Mania crowd. The camera follows them and they’re up on the big screen and the crowd is screaming and chanting YES!YES!YES! The announce team look completely confused because they have no idea what is going on, as it wasn’t planned for Seth and Dean to show up. Seth and Dean hop the barrier and refuse to step foot in the ring. The ref is conflicted over what to do and has to start the match for the show to run through its respective time slot. They don’t even have to interfere in the match, all they have to do is stand there, at the outside of the ring whilst Roman fights Cena.

Then at the end of the match, Seth and Dean walk into the ring and stand side by side with Roman. Roman goes and grabs a microphone for each of them and stands in the middle of the ring above Cena and he brings the mic up. “John.. John.. John. Look at what you’ve gotten yourself into.. You’ve thought for the past, 15 years that you owned the WWE, that you were the face of the company. That you were the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. Little did you know Cena, you lost that title 5 years ago, when we stepped into the business. The Shield has ran the WWE since day one! Whether we were together or apart, it was still all about us. It was still about The Shield.” Roman then turns to Seth and pats him on the back.

Seth does his signature smirk,“Now, every single one of youse thought that we’d never reform and youse were right. Because The Shield has never left, when you thought we left, that I betrayed my brothers back in 2014 youse were wrong.”

Dean then starts playing around with his microphone and does his signature mox smirk,“Now, we played you.We played everyone in the crowd, everyone at home and every. single. person. backstage. It was all our plan since day one.”

Seth laughs,“Dean and Roman, they knew that I would “betray” them.“ The crowd then goes dead silent in shock at the confession Seth just made.

Dean taps his fingers against his chest and looks at Seth and then Roman,“Y'know, there’s a reason I’m referred to as the lunatic fringe and the unstable one. There’s a reason why Seth is known as the architect and Roman as the big dog, theres no one in this business like us three,like the shield and we’re lethal when we’re together.”

Seth let’s out his loudest heel laugh, “It was all our plan, where’s the authority now? That’s right. They’ve been gone for a god damn year, because I single handedly destroyed them from the inside out.”

Roman brings the mic back up,“Seth got rid of the authority, I got rid of the undertaker and John Cena, two of the WWE’s biggest ass kissers. All whilst Ambrose here has been bringing in the belts, whose your grand slam champion?That’s right Dean. Whose your longest reigning us champ, oh yeah Ambrose.”

Dean smirks and brings the mic up,“The Shield has never left, whether we were on different shows we still had our plans and would be together, that’s the benefit of having a house in the dessert. And it’s all worked out, you guys love us and wanted us back and what can I say? We’re never leaving.”

Seth smirks and faces the runway whilst leaning up against the ropes,“ We don’t care how long you’ve been in this business, you can try and beat us but you won’t manage. We’ve ran this place since 2012 and we’ll run this place for the rest of its time.” Seth walks back to the centre of the ring and puts out his fist for Dean to shortly follow,Roman brings up his mic one last time before shouting into it,“You better believe that and BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD!” He drops the mic and fistbumps with Ambrose and Rollins all whilst the crowd is going insane over what has just happened.

Even I need to contribute positivity sometimes.

being adopted by thorin and bilbo

ft. my lame attempts at humor

in this house we stan bagginshield

TW: joking about death, brief mention of the ‘Birds and the Bees talk’

(modern girl in middle earth)

((target audience: teen reader))

tagging people who i think might be interested in reading: @trxblemaker @artsywaterlily @elles-writing @emilys-books

thorin and bilbo had started courting a little after rivendell

partly thanks to your nagging and suggestive comments

they had already “parented” you on the quest

thorin being overly protective

making sure you are trained sufficiently in weapons

instructing other company members to watch you during fights if he is unable to

thorin doesn’t trust men so you best believe when you are in Laketown you don’t leave his sight

braiding your hair

tickling you when you’re grumpy or pouty so he can see that “adorable smile of yours”

draping his heavy fur coat over your shoulders when it gets chilly

his hugs are the best

you feel so safe and warm and loved

you love to bury your face in his fur coat and breathe in his scent of smoke and pine trees

and then there is bilbo during the quest

he definitely mothers you

pushing you behind him during a fight, covering you with his shaking arm

he makes you eat your vegetables and go to bed early

lending a listening ear and some good advice when things get rough

wiping food off your face that you didn’t notice with his handkerchief

cue: “BILBO STOPPPP”

sewing you clothes

bilbo is incredibly scandalized by the suggestive jokes you make involving him and thorin

(before rivendell) “now listen here young lady: i am not interested in thorin. i most certainly am not.”

to which you respond “mhm. sure.”

he then sputters indignantly and marches off

that one time you accidentally called thorin dad

the entire camp froze

your face turned beet red and thorin’s eyes looked ready to pop out of his head

you attempt to defuse the tension by saying “ummm,, haha gotcha!”

this gets a few awkward laughs and eventually it is forgotten

but not by thorin

he was actually touched and vows from this moment on to protect you and love you as best he can

or you, though no one brings it up

bilbo seeing you running around camp and hurriedly following after you

calling after you, “HEY, hey!! no running with swords young lady!”

they do not understand your gen z humor

thorin made you promise not to joke about wanting to die

because it is, in his words, “concerning and upsetting”

at BOTFA, bilbo tells you not to fight

because he couldn’t stand to see you hurt

of course, you didn’t listen

YES EVERYONE LIVES

when things have calmed down and everyone eventually gets settled into erebor

and after thorin and bilbo have been married yes you were the flower girl

they approach you one afternoon, both obviously anxious

they talk about how they have always wanted children

and thorin says he would be honored to be blessed with a daughter

they offer to adopt you if you want

and of course you accept

because these dwarves are your family

it is a beautiful ceremony

there isn’t a dry eye in the house

though dwalin will deny that until his dying day

it is almost like a wedding of sorts

a coming together, a creation of family

but you were always family, now it’s just official

fíli and kíli were always like older brothers to you

they give you piggy back rides down the halls of erebor

falling asleep curled up in fíli’s lap while he works on prince paperwork

you and kíli get together once a week to gossip

kíli calls it “tea time”

you regret teaching him modern slang

you call dís auntie, and sometimes namadaz’adad, which is khuzdul for aunt

oh she loves you so so so much

thorin giving you so many khuzdul nicknames

to name a few:

nathith (daughter)

nathithuth zé (my first daughter)

ghivashith (treasure that is young)

you know how gloin is? constantly bragging about his wife

yeah that’s how thorin and bilbo are with you

over enthusiastically yelling “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!!!!”

thorin and bilbo trying to give you The Talk

it is mortifying

it went something like this:

“well you see, it’s like the hammer and the anvil, one on top, one on the-“ “NO STOP THORIN PLEASE I BEG OF YOU”

thorin: “bilbo, i suppose dís would be more suited for this job”

bilbo: “dwalin can do it for all i care- as long as it isn’t us!”

you can’t look them in the eyes for a few days after that

oh they are so over-protective

dating? it’s... difficult to say the least

bilbo instructs nori to spy on the person you are interested in

thorin has many intimidating talks with them

dwalin makes sure to sharpen his axe in front of them

fili and kili make “subtle” threats

you are exasperated by all of this

but it’s okay

because they only want the very best for you

trying to cook birthday breakfast for bilbo with the help of fíli and kíli

but somehow the pancakes end up stuck to the ceiling

hey, it’s the thought that counts

having any mental health problems?

or maybe you’re just feeling down

you have a whole family of people ready to help you

and you are so very loved

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

small little bonus story

throwback to that one time bilbo was captured by trolls

and thorin instructed you to stay at camp while they went to get him

but you didn’t listen

surprise surprise

you wanted to prove yourself

plus you’ve never seen trolls before and well...

curiously killed the cat

except you didn’t die

though thorin’s yelling after the whole thing made you wish you had

after gandalf saved everyone, thorin immediately marched over to you while everyone else was exploring the troll cave

“I TOLD YOU TO STAY BEHIND AT CAMP!! ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS?!! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!!” he roared

bilbo came up to him and tried to defend you, saying that yelling won’t help anything

to which you exhaled a sigh of relief- ‘thank god bilbo’s on my side to save me from thorin’s wrath’

turns out no

bilbo then rounded on you

he grabbed you bY THE EAR and dragged you back to camp

all the while scolding you for your recklessness

at camp, he sat you down on a rock and stood above you

shaking his finger and lecturing you on the importance of safety

there were lots of “do you understand?!”s

yes mom

while thorin stood SMUGLY behind him, silent with his arms crossed over his chest

nodding along and giving you the Dad Stare ™

thorin later came and apologized for yelling

and said it was only because he cares about you and couldn’t stand to lose you

YES YOU GUYS HUG

and maybe you cry a little bit

it’s nice to feel cared for

and boy are you cared for

reblog this if your blog is a safe space on april fools and won’t have any jumpers, screamers, or anything scary or anxiety inducing

V FOR VENDETTA (2005) dir. James McTeigue

I had to scream into my pillow

I’ve never been ashamed of my preferences before

since the old version of this post was flagged for ‘adult content’…

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the nb spectrum!