Write Down Everything That Happens In The Story, Then In The Second Draft, Make It Look Like You Knew

Teacher’s Pet (Reid Request)

Request:

So ik you probably gets lots of Dom Spencer requests, but I wanted to do a Professor Reid x reader smut request? Where she either teases him a bunch or he just really wants go fuck her so one day he gets fed up and smut happens? (he fucks her in his office etc) and maybe add some punishment into the mix? Like he has her call him doctor/Professor and he’s super dom and rough? I’ve never really seen anything with this prompt so I’d love to see you do it! Thanks and I love your writing so much btw - @capsarcasticplier​

A/N: 
Thank you so much for a wonderful request! Prof Reid owns my entire soul. I hope that you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please don’t ask me for a Part 2, y’all - I have a whole series with Prof Reid coming up, lol! Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut! Content Warning: Spanking, Adults w/ Age Gap (14yrs), oral sex (male receiving), Teacher/Student, fingering, penetrative sex, degradation, cursing, roughhousing, gagging Word Count: 9.2K

MASTERLIST

——————

There are only a few reasons to sign up for Criminal Psychology. You could be like the reasonable students and join the class because you are genuinely interested in the material, or you could be like the rest of us.

That is, you could enroll in the class because the professor is a fine piece of ass fresh out of prison.

Spencer Reid didn’t even try to hide his past; he had practically shared his whole life story within the first few weeks of classes. Then again, I got the sense he had a hard time keeping just about anything a secret with his nasty habit of oversharing.

That was fine with me, though. I quite liked having the ammunition. In fact, I had prepared to use that information today. Because unlike the rest of the thirsty bitches in the class, I wasn’t auditing. I was in this shit.

And today was the class I’d been waiting for for over a month.

“Criminal partnerships aren’t actually as rare as people might believe, with more than one fifth of all serial killers operating in teams, usually composed of two individuals.”

His voice had already sent half the girls in the class into a trance, but I was trying to focus on the content. After all, I didn’t want to miss my chance. I could feel it coming in my bones.

“In a typical partnership, there are two roles. I’m sure you’re all familiar with them already. If you’ve done the reading you should be more than a little familiar. Anyone want to—”

He cut himself off when he noticed the speed with which I raised my hand, a saccharine smile on my face. The expression he returned told me he knew he was in dangerous territory. Nonetheless, he called on me.

“Yes, (Y/n)?”

“Dominant and submissive.” I said matter-of-factly, leaning forward in my seat as I lowered my hand.

“That’s right—“ He started, but I managed to stop him with my loud interruption from the back of the room.

“But there are tons of different types of dominant and submissive partnerships.” He seemed intrigued, and also very concerned about the fact that I was still talking. It wasn’t that unheard of for me to be mouthy in class. I think he knew where I was going with this.

I hoped so. I would have been disappointed if he didn’t. His silence gave me the implicit permission to continue. “It can be master and disciple, parental, siblings, or romantic.”

He smiled, the kind that dimpled his cheeks as it showed just how hard he was trying not to say something.

“So you did the reading,” was what came out instead of whatever had him biting his tongue.

“Of course,” I admitted with a shrug, “But I actually have a question, Professor.”

There was something about the way I felt when I talked to him. It was like the rest of the class disappeared, the tension between the two of us transporting us to another reality. Other times, it felt like the two of us were starring in a movie, and they were the audience watching our every move with rapt attention.

There was a reason everyone joked that I was Teacher’s Pet.

“What’s that?” He asked, shoving his hands into his pocket. My eyes immediately flittered down to his crotch with the movement, and when I returned my gaze to his eyes, I saw him smirking with raised eyebrows.

I didn’t mind that he noticed. Part of me wanted him to.

“Which one are you?”

Keep reading

Masterlist

Loving Din - Din Djarin x Reader

What happens when a feared bounty hunter, adjusting to life beyond the mask, and an artist fall in love. Life is a dream, until everything changes.

Part I Part II Part III* Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX* Part X Part XI Part XII*

Whiskey & Gin - Agent Whiskey x Reader

New York in the 1970s is on fire and you are right in the middle of it, and as the newly (and reluctantly) appointed partner of Agent Whiskey, you find out it just keeps getting better.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4* Part 5* Part 6* Part 6.5*

Warm Like Whiskey: A Whiskey & Gin Story*

Spanking Oneshot*

Maxwell Lord

You’re The Devil, But So Am I*

I Will Break You*

Futile Devices - A Javier Peña/Call Me By Your Name AU

After completing your first year at The Juilliard School, you expect to spend the summer how you have your whole life - at your parent’s sprawling estate in Northern Italy. Raised by married and acclaimed novelists Christian & Daisy Slattery, this year Christian has invited his old college friend and fellow writer Javier Peña to stay with his family and collaborate on a new novel.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3* Chapter 4*

Endless Summer - Oberyn Martell x Reader

After taking you father’s place at the Martell’s infamous Summer Solstice feast, you catch the eye of both the Red Viper and his paramour.

Coming soon…

——

The Pedro Character Asks*

* - smut

there should be a barbie movie version of the phantom of the opera

there should be a barbie movie version of the phantom of the opera

there should be a barbie movie version of the phantom of the opera

Masterlist

For when you want to soak in all the Pietro you possibly can.

Coffee Shop Girl

Euphoria

The Favorite Superhero 

Home For Christmas

In Sickness

Newlyweds?!

Pancakes & Pleasantries

The Peculiar Proposal

Thanksgiving Motions

The Tequila Incident  (Prequel to “In Sickness”)

You Missed a Spot

A Broken Promise Part 1 Part 2

Breaking the One Damn Rule Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Her Broken Halo Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Marvel High Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

One Foot Out of the Grave Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Păpuşă Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Scared Now? (Halloween Fic)

Until You Tried To Kill Me

But It’s For Charity (Early Christmas Sequel)

Early Christmas 

Sweet Cheeks

The Game (Implied Halloween Smut) 

Intertwined 

Mile High Club

Now Tell Me

Soarece (Light Smut)

I’m just posting this to save it don’t judge

Imagine working in a brothel and Geralt being your first customer (smut)

(Long smut ahead! Had some fun writing for Geralt! Hope it isn’t too much of a mess! Hope it is as requested and you all like it :3 Gif not mine/credit to the original owners.)

You hadn’t wanted this job nor were you in any way interested in it but the people that found you and was supposed to be your “family” decided otherwise. Without caring for your fate, they sold you the instant they had known you were a virgin. Being given such a high price for you, they took their coins and left you at the brothel.

You were now left on your own, and found yourself trying to go through day to day your new way of life. To your luck, you had always managed to evade any men that made you uncomfortable despite the efforts of the owners to try and sell you, you worked hard to make those men like to leave you alone.

It was beginning to be silly to the other girls and even a bet amongst the men to see who could finally have you and actually seduce you to let yourself be touched. You were adamant about not wanting to bed anyone and were quite vocal about it and to your surprise the owners were beginning to soften towards you.

They let you work around as a waitress in the meanwhile, still trying to offer you up for a high price and convince you to at least give a try at some of the clients, insisting you’ll get a higher pay. You still refused and had gotten away with all of it and were quite proud of your reputation, and the power you had over the owners.

However, that all came to a stop the day, the man or rather the Witcher they called “The White Wolf”, put a the biggest bag of gold you had ever seen on the table and demanded for you for the next nights he was staying for.

~~

Geralt had heard a lot from you from his travel companion Jaskier, often being told tales about how you were giving most men who visited you trouble, and managing to still get their money for yourself at the same time.

He was told you were quite a beauty to the eyes and how many had tried to persuade you yet no one could ever seem to make you budge or even want to be with them for one more second. It all fuelled his curiosity and even made him want to give a try and prove to everyone else he could do such a thing, surely soon enough, he did what he had to cross paths with you, walking right into your workplace.

From the instant his eyes met yours, he had a feeling you were the one. Your eyes went wide to meet his bronze gaze, your cheeks turning beet red to look up at his sheer size and your sudden nervousness as you’d serve him was enough to make him understand you were the virgin, Jaskier and everyone else around spoke of.

It didn’t take long for him to ask for your name and shyly you responded, a mere meek “Y/N” you answered to him while he barely had time to introduce himself as his companion did so for him with a big grin, impatient to see how it would all go down.

Keep reading

The Osiris Club

Summary: You’re the top dancer at the best strip joint Jersey has to offer— The Osiris Club. Sure, it’s grimy as hell, but it’s worth it whenever your favorite client comes in for a good time. 

Word Count: 5.5K 

Warning: Lemon, purely smutographical content, stripping, bumpin’ and grindin’, face sitting, tail fucking, rough sex, a little fluff at the end for good measure. 

A/N: IT’S DONE! Finally! I’m so fucking happy I was able to finish this fic, and just in time for the dvd release! I really hope you guys like it and that I did HB justice. Feedback is gold so don’t forget to drop me a line and reblog, bb’s!

* fanart commissioned by @dixxiemaegraphics​ *

Keep reading

Request: “Lucius malfoy having a daughter?” -Anon Wasn’t sure if you want a one-shot or an would include, considering I’ve never done one before I decided to do a would include. If you want a one shot contact me and I’ll write one for you. Xx.

-Being named after a star or constellation.

-Lucius wins no father of the year awards.

-He would be quite cold and distant towards both you and Draco.

-But he would show Draco a little bit of affection, him being the Malfoy heir and such.

-You would be closer to Narcissa than Lucius.

-You’d probably call Lucius father because it’s more formal than dad. -Narcissa would probably be mum.

-Draco & you would go back and forth between best friends and worst enemies. -You’d be playing together and you take one of his toys. -This leads to a big argument involving tears and lots of immature name calling. -Eventually Narcissa would break it up and make you two apologise. -Not actually forgiving each other -Glaring at each other when your mum isn’t looking. -This could go on for weeks. -Eventually one of you cave (most likely Draco) and you’d give the other a flower from the garden, kinda like a white flag.

-Being friends with Dobby.

-Constantly trying to sneak him clothes.

-Which gets you a scolding from your father.

-Being nervous on the train to Hogwarts, worrying if you were going to be a Slytherin or not.

-Lucius would be disappointed if you were a Ravenclaw, mad if you were a Hufflepuff and probably lose his mind if you were a Gryffindor.

-He would give a courteous congratulations if you were a Slytherin.

-If you were in Slytherin you’d hang around Draco & his friends but not really liking Crabbe or Goyle.

-In the other houses, you’d probably be a loner because of your family name, but still hanging out with Draco and his friends every so often.

-Not being as rude as Draco.

-The main reason Draco was so rude was to please your father, eventually you gave up (especially if being sorted in another house).

-Also, since you spent a lot of time with your mum who had more of an open mind, your prejudice would be non-existent or not as strong.

-Less likely to join a quidditch team, even if you do love it.

-Partially because it was Draco’s thing and you didn’t want to steal his thunder and because you wouldn’t get along with your team mates as well.

-Rebelling.

-After giving up on trying to gain your fathers attention, you’d start to rebel for fun.

-If you were a Gryffindor, you’d be the Malfoy version of Sirius Black.

-Your room at home would be covered with red & gold with posters stuck on the wall of muggle things

-Wearing less dignified clothes.

-Nothing particularly slutty but more casual, so where your family were all wearing suits, you wear jeans and a top with a leather or denim jacket.

-If you were a Gryffindor, you’d probably dye your hair.

-It was a symbol of you being a Malfoy and it reminded you of what you had to be every time you looked at your reflection.

-Not dying it a natural colour, it’d be something fun to really drive your father crazy.

-Eventually, Lucius would disown you if you did all this.

-Becoming friendly with Hermione & Harry.

-Hermione would realise you weren’t like your brother, you didn’t judge people on Blood status and would NEVER use the ’m’ word.

-Her first talking to you in the library.

-You would be studying for the upcoming potions test and not understanding anything.

-Eventually, she ask if you needed help.

-Reluctantly, saying yes.

-After an hour or so, you would understand majority of it

-Going to her if you need help with homework and such.

-Harry & Ron calling her crazy for becoming friends with the enemies sister.

-After a lot of convincing, she’d get them to ease up on you.

-The first time you really spoke to Harry was the year of Umbridge.

-You would be crying in some hidden corner of the school when he stumbled across you, crying over your scared hand.

-He’d comfort you.

-And you’d apologise about everything on Draco behalf.

-Telling Harry about how Draco was when the two of you were younger.

-The next time you saw Hermione at the library, she invited you to join Dumbledore’s Army.

-Most people not trusting you, think you’d rat them out.

-Having trouble conjuring a Patronis.

-You haven’t exactly had the most joyous life.

-Eventually, you would conjure one.

-Using the memory of you, your mum and Draco cooking when you were little.

-Mrs Weasley inviting you over for Christmas.

-It would’ve been after Harry sending a letter to Sirius about you.

-Sirius would causally mention it when Molly was around and she decided to have you over.

-Mrs Weasley would fawn over you, saying you were too skinny and needed more food.

-Helping her in the kitchen as much as you can.

-Her dismissing you but you were just as stubborn.

-You ended up peeling potatoes manually and listening Mrs Wesley going on about when her children were little.

-Loving her stories.

-After much insisting on her part, you’d start calling Mrs Weasley, Molly.

-Most of the family being cautious around you.

-Until you comment on the twins pranks that they had pulled.

-Them being surprised when they found out you loved pranks.

-Especially when they hear about a prank you had pulled on Draco.

-Bonding with them as they tell you about their store.

-Winning over Ginny when you compliment her on hexing your brother.

-“I love him but he can be a total pain in the arse, I don’t know how you deal with so many of them.”

-Looking at your portrait on the Black family wall with horror.

-Laughing at Draco’s.

-Having long conversations with Sirius complaining about your families.

-You talked more than he did and you didn’t push him sensing he was uncomfortable with talking about it.

-Sirius noticing the parallels between your lives.

-Inviting you to stay with him during the summer.

-You wanting to agree but declining because you didn’t want to leave Draco.

-Most of the Order became protective over you.

-Even Ron starting to warm up to you.

-Going with them to the Ministry to save Sirius.

-He was like an uncle to you and you weren’t going to sit back and doing nothing.

-Lucius being surprised to see you there.

-Low key trying to avoid cursing you and not letting any of the other Death Eaters hurt you.

-You were still his daughter after all, even if you weren’t close.

-A part of him was ashamed of you for fighting for the other side.

Using the crutiatis curse on Bellatrix before she hurts Sirius.

-Not feeling guilty about it cause he was more family to you then he was.

-Officially being disowned after that.

-You and Harry going to live with Sirius after his name was cleared.

-Living in a house in the country where you could see the stars

-Draco refusing to talk to you, claiming you had betrayed him.

-Narcissa writing short letters every so often to check up on you.

-Helping the twins with their joke shop.

-Worrying about Draco the next year.

-Draco, still mad at you, bullies you a lot at the beginning of the year.

-Crying because of it.

-Him feeling bad after he sees you sobbing in a corridor.

-Slytherins now hate you.

-Or act like they do.

-Spending most of the time with Hermione.

-Bonding with Ron over not being invited to the Slug Club.

-Not caring as much as he does but at least he’s talking to you.

-Every so often breaking down about being disowned.

-Sirius being very supportive through letters.

-Punching Harry in the face after he curses Draco.

-“You even think about hurting my brother again, Voldemort will be the least of your problems.”

-Not leaving Draco’s side while he’s in the hospital wing.

-You just sit there for hours clutching his hand.

-Occasionally glaring at professors or Madame Pomfrey when they try to make you leave.

-Eventually they give up.

-Draco waking up to see you asleep on his beside in an incredibly uncomfortable position, your hands still holding onto his.

-Him waking you up when he tries to leave.

-Forcing him to tell you what’s happening.

-Draco telling you everything, while the two of you hold back tears.

- The death eaters getting in anyway.

-Persuading the Order to help Draco and you mum.

-Sirius helping you convincing them because Draco reminds him of Regulus.

-Going on missions for the Order the next year.

-You and Draco fighting together at the Battle of Hogwarts.

-Coming face to face with Bellatrix.

-She tried to kill you for being a traitor and you barely deflecting her spells.

-Lucius killing her before she could.

-After all you are his little girl.

-Even if he’s not good at showing it, Lucius loves you.

-Him giving you a really tight hug.

-You cry and beg for him to flee.

-He Does.

A/N- I got a little out of hand. This is about 4 & ½ pages long and almost 2 000 words. I could’ve kept writing but I decided to end it there. Please send in more would include requests. They’re fun. Xx

Loner (Jim Hopper x Daughter! Reader)

SPOILERS FOR S3. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Summary; Reader is Hoppers older daughter who dies instead of Hopper and Hopper finds a note from the reader after her passing explaining that she knew she was going to die, saving El and Hopper (Slight Billy x reader too)

My birthday party is this Saturday so I will inactive that whole weekend

Caution, this one was completely rushed so its really, really bad

Tagged; @irreplaceable-ecstasy @fraeppuccino @teenwolflover28 @buckysjuicyplums @lcgaf @kyrathekiller @canny1902 @itsfangirlmendes @tellmyselfies @xkotkuu @scarletmeii @krazykatkay456 probably still forgot someone and im sorry

___________________________________________

Dear Dad,

So, I'm not really good at writing letters. I never written a letter like this before, so, I guess that's probably why

We're going to have to fight the Russians, huh? Its funny when I say it out loud, but, thinking about it now, I fear someone might get hurt or, even worse, killed

And I know what youre going to say when you read this letter, 'you are not going to fight the Russians, this is a job left for the adults,'. Well, Dad, I hate to break it to you, but Im an adult now

But, knowing you, you dont count a nineteen year old as an adult. Not in your book. In your book Im still your little girl, who battled cancer like a champ while my sister couldn't. But I am. Im an adult, and its my job to protect Eleven since I couldnt protect Sara

Ive always looked up to you. You taught me how to use a gun at twelve, taught me to fight without a gun at fourteen. Im pretty much like the karate kid now, but with a gun and the Chief of Hawkins as my father

I dont even know why Im writing this letter to begin with. Here I am sitting in Joyce's house while you guys are with a 'dangerous criminal' and Eleven is stopping this big ass monster

Guess I should go help them. Figure out a way to call Steve or Jonathan and meet up with them and do what I do best, fight bad guys

Love, Y/N Hopper

He found it tucked in your jeans. Folding clothes to put in boxes, Jim hears the crumble of the paper and realizes you had forgotten all about the stupid letter

But its all he has left of you. As hes reading it his mind is blurry, emotions jumbled. He would smile at some parts, others he would tear up and remember that you, did, indeed, protect Eleven

Jim knew you were happy now. When Sara died a couple years back and your mother left you with Jim, you became depressed. But knowing you saved not just Eleven but your father, he knew you accomplished your goal in life,

And for once, Jim wasnt pissed at your actions

Your bedroom is empty now. Eleven and Mike are patching the giant hole in the ceiling from the Mindflayer monster (that was fun to explain), while the others picked up furniture and cleaned bits and pieces of the destroyed cabin,

Jim lifts the last box off of your bed, tucking the box into your closet with many more boxes of clothes, items, and old toys,

The note remains clutched in his hand. He doesnt want to let it go. He let you go, not knowing it was your goal to make sure he and El were safe

Jim runs a large hand down his face, heaving a breathy sigh and dropping onto your bed, hand beginning to tremble when it tightened on the paper,

"She wouldnt want you to be like this,"

Jim looks up at a voice. Eleven and Max stood at the door, Maxs lips pressed tight together,

"She wouldnt want you to be like this," Max repeats, Jim nodding his head slowly, looking down at the note,

"I-" Jim inhales deeply, giving Eleven the go to enter the bedroom and sit next to him, sliding her hand into his that didnt have a grip on the letter,

"Y/N loved you," Eleven starts firmly, Jim directing his eyes to hers and watching the young girl smile, "You raised her to be the girl she was. Strong, independent. Her mother and Sara would be proud,"

Jim chuckles, dryly, sniffing away any tears that dared to fall, "She was too independent. She couldnt protect Sara, she knew it was her job to protect you," He hands the letter to Eleven, forcing himself to let it go,

"Billy did, too," Eleven swiftly scans the letter, looking back up at her adoptive father,

"God, they hated each other," Max snorts, Jims lips tugging upwards, "Youd see them glaring at each other or shooting nasty comments at one other,"

"She doesnt play games, thats for sure," Jim chuckles again, softer, "But shes with him now. Maybe this time they'll get along for once,"

Your eyes look over at Billy, his arms crossed and eyebrows raised to you. His eyes flick down to Earth, and you laugh, shaking your head,

"No way Hargrove," You grin, "Not unless you plan to stop smoking any time soon,"

"Not like it can harm me up here," Billy shrugs, looking around the bright, clouded area, "Sucks. My cars not here,"

"You cant go anywhere, dingus," You giggle,

"Dont you want to see California?" Billy questions, and your eyes look down to your father under the clouds, then to Billys extended hand,

Sighing, you take his hand, squeezing, "Lead the way,"

being adopted by thorin and bilbo

ft. my lame attempts at humor

in this house we stan bagginshield

TW: joking about death, brief mention of the ‘Birds and the Bees talk’

(modern girl in middle earth)

((target audience: teen reader))

tagging people who i think might be interested in reading: @trxblemaker @artsywaterlily @elles-writing @emilys-books

thorin and bilbo had started courting a little after rivendell

partly thanks to your nagging and suggestive comments

they had already “parented” you on the quest

thorin being overly protective

making sure you are trained sufficiently in weapons

instructing other company members to watch you during fights if he is unable to

thorin doesn’t trust men so you best believe when you are in Laketown you don’t leave his sight

braiding your hair

tickling you when you’re grumpy or pouty so he can see that “adorable smile of yours”

draping his heavy fur coat over your shoulders when it gets chilly

his hugs are the best

you feel so safe and warm and loved

you love to bury your face in his fur coat and breathe in his scent of smoke and pine trees

and then there is bilbo during the quest

he definitely mothers you

pushing you behind him during a fight, covering you with his shaking arm

he makes you eat your vegetables and go to bed early

lending a listening ear and some good advice when things get rough

wiping food off your face that you didn’t notice with his handkerchief

cue: “BILBO STOPPPP”

sewing you clothes

bilbo is incredibly scandalized by the suggestive jokes you make involving him and thorin

(before rivendell) “now listen here young lady: i am not interested in thorin. i most certainly am not.”

to which you respond “mhm. sure.”

he then sputters indignantly and marches off

that one time you accidentally called thorin dad

the entire camp froze

your face turned beet red and thorin’s eyes looked ready to pop out of his head

you attempt to defuse the tension by saying “ummm,, haha gotcha!”

this gets a few awkward laughs and eventually it is forgotten

but not by thorin

he was actually touched and vows from this moment on to protect you and love you as best he can

or you, though no one brings it up

bilbo seeing you running around camp and hurriedly following after you

calling after you, “HEY, hey!! no running with swords young lady!”

they do not understand your gen z humor

thorin made you promise not to joke about wanting to die

because it is, in his words, “concerning and upsetting”

at BOTFA, bilbo tells you not to fight

because he couldn’t stand to see you hurt

of course, you didn’t listen

YES EVERYONE LIVES

when things have calmed down and everyone eventually gets settled into erebor

and after thorin and bilbo have been married yes you were the flower girl

they approach you one afternoon, both obviously anxious

they talk about how they have always wanted children

and thorin says he would be honored to be blessed with a daughter

they offer to adopt you if you want

and of course you accept

because these dwarves are your family

it is a beautiful ceremony

there isn’t a dry eye in the house

though dwalin will deny that until his dying day

it is almost like a wedding of sorts

a coming together, a creation of family

but you were always family, now it’s just official

fíli and kíli were always like older brothers to you

they give you piggy back rides down the halls of erebor

falling asleep curled up in fíli’s lap while he works on prince paperwork

you and kíli get together once a week to gossip

kíli calls it “tea time”

you regret teaching him modern slang

you call dís auntie, and sometimes namadaz’adad, which is khuzdul for aunt

oh she loves you so so so much

thorin giving you so many khuzdul nicknames

to name a few:

nathith (daughter)

nathithuth zé (my first daughter)

ghivashith (treasure that is young)

you know how gloin is? constantly bragging about his wife

yeah that’s how thorin and bilbo are with you

over enthusiastically yelling “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!!!!”

thorin and bilbo trying to give you The Talk

it is mortifying

it went something like this:

“well you see, it’s like the hammer and the anvil, one on top, one on the-“ “NO STOP THORIN PLEASE I BEG OF YOU”

thorin: “bilbo, i suppose dís would be more suited for this job”

bilbo: “dwalin can do it for all i care- as long as it isn’t us!”

you can’t look them in the eyes for a few days after that

oh they are so over-protective

dating? it’s... difficult to say the least

bilbo instructs nori to spy on the person you are interested in

thorin has many intimidating talks with them

dwalin makes sure to sharpen his axe in front of them

fili and kili make “subtle” threats

you are exasperated by all of this

but it’s okay

because they only want the very best for you

trying to cook birthday breakfast for bilbo with the help of fíli and kíli

but somehow the pancakes end up stuck to the ceiling

hey, it’s the thought that counts

having any mental health problems?

or maybe you’re just feeling down

you have a whole family of people ready to help you

and you are so very loved

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

small little bonus story

throwback to that one time bilbo was captured by trolls

and thorin instructed you to stay at camp while they went to get him

but you didn’t listen

surprise surprise

you wanted to prove yourself

plus you’ve never seen trolls before and well...

curiously killed the cat

except you didn’t die

though thorin’s yelling after the whole thing made you wish you had

after gandalf saved everyone, thorin immediately marched over to you while everyone else was exploring the troll cave

“I TOLD YOU TO STAY BEHIND AT CAMP!! ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS?!! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!!” he roared

bilbo came up to him and tried to defend you, saying that yelling won’t help anything

to which you exhaled a sigh of relief- ‘thank god bilbo’s on my side to save me from thorin’s wrath’

turns out no

bilbo then rounded on you

he grabbed you bY THE EAR and dragged you back to camp

all the while scolding you for your recklessness

at camp, he sat you down on a rock and stood above you

shaking his finger and lecturing you on the importance of safety

there were lots of “do you understand?!”s

yes mom

while thorin stood SMUGLY behind him, silent with his arms crossed over his chest

nodding along and giving you the Dad Stare ™

thorin later came and apologized for yelling

and said it was only because he cares about you and couldn’t stand to lose you

YES YOU GUYS HUG

and maybe you cry a little bit

it’s nice to feel cared for

and boy are you cared for