Hello! I’ve just recently gotten into ASOUE, and I was wondering if I could get a clear answer from you. Sorry if you’ve answered this before. So there’s 100% without a doubt fact that Olaf finds Violet sexually attractive? A lot of people seem to have differing opinions. I ask because the only thing I have to go off on right now is Olaf’s comments about Violet being ‘pretty,’ and his constant staring at her. Thank you for taking the time to read what I had to say. Take care of yourself!
First of all, welcome to the family! Hopefully you’re loving the books/show as much as they deserve to be loved :)
Now, pardon my essay but I’m gonna try to summarize everything into an overly long answer at the best of my abilities, but it’s not gonna be easy.
—-
It is very true - and very obvious - that Olaf finds Violet attractive.
More than that, as you said, he is SEXUALLY attracted to her, and to the idea of her ( I’ll elaborate on that later ).
I’ll divide it in actions he performs, just to make it easier to read for the both of us. I will also note when there are differences between book Olaf and show Olaf, even if those are few.
Ever since the door swings open, show Olaf stares at Violet when he talks. About anything. You can see it during their house tour, and then later, when Klaus asks how can they purchase anything without money and he blatantly ignores him and throws the little bag of money at Violet, who is carrying a baby and isn’t in the condition of catching it. You can see it after “It’s The Count” is performed, and during dinner.
Speaking of their house tour, notice this : when he shows them the kitchen, he straight up glares in her direction while he says “I expect you to keep everything gleamingly clean”. That’s just one of the many ways he expresses how ( low ) he thinks of her. As a servant, and nothing more.
After they discover that Sunny’s locked in a cage, Olaf goes on a tangent about the metaphor of a stubborn mule : the mule will walk closer to the carrot because it’s food, and further from the stick because it doesn’t want to feel pain. This is obviously referring to Violet, and stubborn is one word he always describes her with ( Notice : In the Reptile Room, when he “greets” the children again ).Now, look at his eyes when he says that the mule will move towards the carrot because “it wants the reward of food”
straight to Violet. That’s pretty telling of what she is, in his mind. Food. Figuratively, of course.
Now, take a look at how he stares at her during these three events.
First, after he tried to convince her to marry him, he stares creepily at her lips and kind of checks her out.
Second, after she speaks to Justice Strauss, he almost looks disgusted by her audacity to talk back.
Finally, after he thinks she’s now his property, he keeps looking at her intensely and with a snigger plastered on his face, and he doesn’t even bat eyes.
These all show different emotions he feels towards her, and how they connect to one root point : he does not care for her consent, for her will, for her pleasure. He only wants to marvel AT her, to think he owns her, eitheras a daughter or as a wife ( interchangeable for him, I might add ) :
“You may not be my wife, but you are still my daughter, and…” ( The Bad Beginning ). I’ll go back on this quote later.
As you noticed, too, he looks at her often. Pretty much in every episode. I don’t need to go down too much on this, it is quite obvious.
This is where Olaf shines, with everyone but especially with Violet.The way he headbutts into her conversations during the books and the way he touches, strokes, gets too close to her is continuous. And she tries to scatter away every time.
During the dinner, when the bald man turns around, looks at her and exclaims “You’re a pretty little one”, Olaf butts into the conversation like a hurricane and scolds her. He acts very smugly and weirdly possessive towards her in the entirety of the series, but it’s particularly noticeable in the first book/first two episodes.
When he tries to convince Justice Strauss to join The Marvelous Marriage play, he keeps poking Violet, patting her hair and her face, under her breast and, when Klaus stands up and says “Justice Strauss, he’s up to something”, hegrabs her by the waist and pulls her closer to him. Creepy.
Then there’s the iconic “I’ll touch whatever I want” with the hand on the shoulder. He also speaks directly to Klaus, in that instance, almost as if he was daring him, as to say “I’ll snatch your fortune and your sister away from you”.I feel like he feels an inferiority complex towards Klaus but that’s a whole other matter that I won’t dive into.
In the Reptile Room, The Hostile Hospital, The Ersatz Elevator, The Carnivorous Carnival and The Grim Grotto, he leans down to her close enough that she can smell his breath, and says something equally creepy.
Of course, we can only see four of those on screen - for now - and The Hostile Hospital one is shocking. If you’ve seen it, you know he practically kisses her.
In The Hostile Hospital, he’s the one who catches her when they kidnap her, he’s the one to change her into her medical gown ( according to Violet in The Carnivorous Carnival book ) and Violet retrieves her own ribbon out of hispants pockets, in the same book.
In the Bad Beginning, in the books, he touches Violet’s face inappropriately when asking her to star in his play. Actually, when forcing her to star in his play.“Count Olaf reached out one of his spidery hands and stroked Violet on the chin, looking deep in her eyes. ‘You will’ he said ‘participate in this theatrical performance.”.
In The Reptile Room, he makes a non subtle threat and caresses her legs with his knife - the most common phallic metaphor there is.In The Hostile Hospital part 2, after calling her Sleeping Beauty ( which gets raped by the Prince in the original tale ), he slowly caresses her forehead and throat.
He’s way too damn close.
You may think all these are nonsense, all small things that really don’t matter but put them together with his words and you’ll find yourself shuddering.
In The Bad Beginning, his whole plot consists of him conconcting a plan to steal their inheritance by marrying his 14 year old adoptive daughter, daughter who he keeps referring to as very pretty, both in the cupcake scene andto Klaus “Why in the world would I want to actually marry your sister?’ Count Olaf asked. 'It is true she is very pretty, but a man like myself can acquire any number of beautiful women.” or, when describing the play, “It is about a manwho is very brave and intelligent, played by me. In the finale, he marries the young, beautiful woman he loved[…]”.
There are a bajillion phrases he speaks out, such as “Build the sets? Oh, Heavens no. A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be working backstage” or “You’re such a lovely girl, after the marriage I wouldn’t dispose of you like your brotherand sister”, sentence I have explained in one of my previous asks.
As I said earlier, there’s the ”I’ll touch whatever I want" which heavily implies rape to anyone old enough to understand.There is “You may not be my wife but you are still my daughter, and…” which describes his idea of in loco parentis and his ownership of her, and the fact that he will be free of punishment from the law by doing anything he wantsto her, whether she’s under his control as a child or as a wife.
There is the book-only “Now, if all of you will excuse me, my bride and I need to go home for our wedding night.” which is the equivalent of I’ll touch whatever I want. He’s going home and he’s taking her virginity.
In The Reptile Room, in the show, he grabs her and tells her “I have four tickets with me to Peru. I was going to take you and your siblings because that’s the kind of guardian I am, but I’ll settle for one of you.”. At the end of the episode, his room had only one bed. Pretty self explanatory.
In the Carnivorous Carnival, when the children are hidden in the trunk of his car, he tells his henchpeople that he hopes Violet survived the fire at Heimlich Hospital because “She’s the prettiest”.
In The Grim Grotto, when she tries to stall and wants to tell him where the sugar bowl is, he sneers and says “I’m not going to bargain with an orphan, no matter how pretty she may be.”. Realizing he loses control and gets overpowered by his attraction to her, he attacks her.
Generally, he often addresses her first - or only - in any conversation, and wants to come closer to her more than her siblings.For example, in The Penultimate Peril, when Dewey takes her hand. he orders him to “hand her over” twice. Not her siblings.In The Slippery Slope, he screams “You are dead, you died in the caravan!” only to her.In The Austere Academy, when Nero asks him if the orphans have good enough legs for him, he points at her first.
And so on and on.I could go on forever but this response is already a book.
In regards to what I said about the idea of her turning him on, he never really makes and attempt at doing anything to her ( that is debatable though as I firmly believe he raped her in the Hostile Hospital book, andI have my own thought about it but it is indeed a theory ). He clearly wants to but giving in to his sexual desire towards his enemy would only shift the power between them, and she’s already stronger than him by being unattainable andrejecting him, thing his narcissistic side doesn’t digest at all. He resentes it so much, and you can see the hatred and lust he feels 100% of the time.
Also, if you need a visual representation of Neil’s body language and hard work in showing this, you can watch a video I made a while ago that sums it up. You can turn off the music if it’s too cheesy, but I think it’s a good exampleof how a great actor can make you feel disgusted by small gestures.
And thank you so much for reading this papyrus! Take care yourself!
But in the Saga of Larten Crepsley, he and Wester looked at each other confused. “They had never seen a deep gaze in any man’s eyes” roughly translated, but still there
*walks in*
*walks onto stage*
*grabs microphone*
*breathes in to prepare*
*looking down at the confused audience*
“Larten is bi”
*The crowd cheers as I drop my mic and enter the shadows of where I once came*
Well, you know what, while we’re waiting, you guys could tape your message to Emma for her 18th birthday, huh?
Resurrection themes have always surrounded Kylo/Ben’s journey, and I think that his journey is not at an end. The resurrection theme is still in play and is implied in multiple ways throughout the trilogy.
There has certainly been heavy symbolism in the design of Kylo’s saber. Cross-guard swords were designed in the Medieval times to protect the wielder’s hand. With Kylo this principle was inverted. The cross-guard saber, unlike the blade, offers no protection and only increases the danger of self-harm, and the self-harm and self-destruction have been an ongoing motif for Kylo. In some ways, the cross-guard was a sign of knights/chivalry. In this case, it was an indication of his chivalry and protection, particularly towards the lady (Rey). Now, for the purpose of this meta, the final theme of the cross-guard carries the most weight: the religious themes of the fall of Lucifer and the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. Initially Kylo represents the fallen angel who was cast out of heaven (The Jedi Temple) by God the father (Luke) and the padawans (fellow angels). At the end of the trilogy, Kylo transforms back into Ben to serve as a Christ-like figure. Palpatine throws him into the pit (the descent to hell and the harrowing of hell) and he ascends again to save Rey (sacrificing himself for the sins of his predecessors). Now that he has ascended from the Earth plane and entered purgatory (world between worlds) we start to see Dante’s Divine Comedy (purgatorio) themes. The final resurrection of Ben Solo would be a remerge of the soul, and half of it lives in Rey. The sins are being resolved/absolved in purgatory (world between worlds), and Ben’s soul will be reunited with its other half in the land of the living and then they will finally depart the earthly plane together, as a whole, and ascend back to heaven.
The word “Dyad,” which is derived from the Greek dyás (δυάς) meaning “pair,” is the most basic human social group. The dyad is the absolute foundational human relationship, whether it’s husband and wife, parent and child, or teacher and student. No social group could come to exist without this foundational connection.
The Dyad also represents the duality of nature. Light and dark, black and white, night and day, masculine and feminine. One may not exist without the other, for one only exists at the contrasting juxtaposition of the other, and vice versa. There would be no light if the darkness didn’t exist as the contrast. There would be no masculine were there no feminine to provide the contrast, etc. A dyad in the force carries the same principle; there is no balance or even the existence of the duality of the light and the dark if the two parts of the whole aren’t in coexistence. And currently, the force isn’t in balance due to half of the dyad not existing with the living force. Unless the dyad is made complete again, the living force will once again be imbalanced, this time in the light.
Artwork source
If half of the dyad is remaining with the living force, the other half also cannot become one with the cosmic force. It will remain tethered in limbo/purgatory until reunited with its other half. Ben cannot truly pass on to become one with the force without his counterpart Rey.
A Dyad is one being split into two corporal forms. Ben and Rey are together are “the original dyad” or otherwise known as “The Prime Jedi.” Several pieces of imagery in the movies & artwork as well as references in written cannon materials have indicated that the Prime Jedi is reincarnated once more (as Ben and Rey) and that it has chosen to bring balance to the living force once more not by coming to the living world as one being but as two halves, whose coming together will achieve the balance (Keep in mind though, the foundational darkness in the Prime Jedi is not the same as the perverted darkness created by Palpatine).
A blatant reference to this ancient soul being reincarnated once more is made by Han Solo in The Last Shot: “Little Ben looked up groggily, those dark eyes settling on Han, studying him. Han had no idea how a two-year-old could have such ancient eyes. It was as if Ben had been waiting around for a millennium to show up at just this moment in history.”
The directors have also alluded to this duality in Rey and Ben:
Two sides of the same coin
Two halves of the protagonist
It isn’t until Ben Solo is ten years old and begins his Jedi training that the other half of The Prime Jedi is reincarnated in Rey. That Rey’s birth coincided with Ben Solo’s Jedi training is a form of “activation” by the cosmic force. Now that the journey to finding balance has begun with Ben Solo’s training, the other half of the soul is born to complete the activation. The activation is however separate from the “awakening,” which doesn’t happen until “The Force Awakens.”
The Awakening does not occur until the souls come into close proximity with one another, which happens when Ben/Kylo lands on Jakku (for the first time in his life). This “Awakening” is preplanned by the soul to happen at a particular point in time before it chooses to be reincarnated. As soon as Kylo landed on Jakku, their fate & destiny are set in motion by Rey meeting BB-8, which subsequently leads to meeting Finn. Due to being affiliated with these two, Rey has to board the millennium falcon (which has curiously been on Jakku, waiting for her until the awakening), leading to a meeting with Han Solo, which brings her closer to her other half, Han Solo’s son Ben Solo. From following Han to Takodana, Rey finally meets her other half, a meeting that was destined to occur at that point in time. And also experiences her “call to serve” with the lightsaber vision.
From the very beginning, cannon materials heavily imply that these two recognize each other and that they are drawn to each other.
She had seen this man before…in a daydream. Or a nightmare.
She found herself inexplicably drawn to…to….“YOU”
The girl I’ve heard so much about
Don’t be afraid, I feel it too
These aren’t actual memories or recognition of each other from this incarnated lifetime. It is from cellular memory on the spiritual plane. Half of the soul recognizes the other half and has memories of the other half that transcend this life cycle.
Since the activation occurred on Jakku, the two halves of the soul have been subconsciously and through the cosmic force seeking to be united with each other. Like magnets drawn to each other, they seek completion. The merge of the halves officially occurs when Rey and Ben enter each other’s minds. Once the merge occurs it can no longer be undone. Once the merge begins, it keeps strengthening to bring the halves to each other, which we see in their ever-strengthening bond. The merge transcends space time, eventually strengthening to the point that the halves can enter each other’s physical surroundings.
In TLJ, we see the soul beginning to “know” the other half once more. We see Rey being drawn to the darkness and Ben being drawn to the light.
This dynamic is drawn from Taoism (Yin and Yang), Buddhism, and Gnosticism. And the imagery littered throughout the sequel trilogy (as well as the star wars universe itself) is drawn heavily from those belief systems. We see continuous parallel shots with Rey and Ben to represent this duality. Both are presented in contrasting surroundings that represent the duality of the masculine and the feminine. In many shots half of their figure is bathed in light and the other half is bathed in the darkness. This is the process of coming to “know” the memory of the other half of the soul following the merge.
At the end of TLJ we see the halves creating an unnatural separation between themselves, but this is folly because the separation is not sustainable and is not one that can be created through the living force, for the soul is merged through the cosmic force. The more they persist with trying to create this unnatural separation, the stronger the reaction becomes every time the separation fails. Therefore, when “the bond” reopens at the beginning of TROS, we see that it is stronger than ever. Objects can be transferred through the bond and can be activated on purpose by each other, which we see Ben doing several times in the beginning to try to reach Rey.
This connection is as spiritual as it is romantic. As Jason Fry explained, romance is merely the analog we have in the living force for this deep spiritual bond. In the living world, the halves of the soul finds unity through romantic coupling, which is the basis for the concept of “soulmates” or “twin flames.” This is a form of bond that cannot be broken and was destined to occur due to the soul being split in order to seek completion in the physical plane. One cannot live and be happy without the other, and we see this frustration/anger in Ben at the beginning of the movie. He has become increasingly angry and thrown-off balance into darkness once more due to being separated from his soulmate. We see that Rey is also thrown off balance and regressed completely into the light due to being separated from her soulmate. Both are incredibly frustrated at this outcome and are struggling to connect with the cosmic force due to this separation. We see this struggle in Rey from the beginning when she’s meditating and try to become one with the other Jedi but cannot achieve this until she is completely merged once more with the other half of the soul (which we finally see at the end of the film). We also see Ben struggling to reach his grandfather and other predecessors on several occasions throughout the trilogy, and although we do not see it on screen, much like Rey couldn’t have defeated Palpatine without help, Ben could not have found the strength to climb out of the pit without assistance from the cosmic force. The living force between them had dwindled (equally) and the strength of the cosmic force was necessary for Ben to climb, reach the other half, and transfer the remaining living force to revive Rey.
Now this transfer of the living force is NOT a transfer of the other half of the soul into one being. The living force is separate from the cosmic force. The soul exists in the cosmic force. Without enough living force to sustain the cosmic force of the soul in the physical plane, Ben’s soul is no longer existing in the physical plane. However, as long as the other half of the soul continues to exist in the physical plane, becoming one with the cosmic force is not a possibility for the soul that has been split in half. This is why we do not see a force ghost for Ben. He cannot become one with the cosmic force as half a soul. Only the two of them together can become one with the cosmic force. Therefore, Ben’s half of the soul is being tethered in the in-between world (the astral plane, limbo, purgatory, world between worlds, etc) by Rey’s half of the soul remaining in the physical plane, unable to become one with the cosmic force or the living force due to the living force being diminished for half of the soul. The living force must be replenished in the other half of the soul during its stay in the in-between world, remerge once more with the other half on the physical plane, and depart TOGETHER at the end of the soul’s life cycle in order to become one with the cosmic force.
We even hear Palpatine allude to this: “Die together!”
Halves cannot die separately. One cannot depart while the other is still alive. Additionally, the balance is once again thrown off in the living force by only half of this great cosmic force existing on the plane. Palpatine remarked that Ben and Rey’s bond is strong enough that it is a form of life in itself. By only Rey existing in the physical plane, the scale is once again tipped, this time to the light side. In order for balance to attained fully, Ben Solo must be resurrected and reunited with his other half, Rey.
We only see Rey rising in TROS. We do not see Ben rising. “Darkness rises and light to meet it.” Conversely, if the light must rise, so must darkness to meet it in order to achieve balance. Therefore, Ben must “rise” once more in the physical plane for the cycle to be complete.
In Rebels, we are introduced to the concept of “The World Between Worlds.” Although not infinite like the cosmic force, the WBW is not constrained by the laws of space time. On this plane, anything that has ever happened or will ever happen exists simultaneously, not in a linear timeline, which is how time is experienced on the physical plane.
In Rebels, when he enters the WBW, Ezra sees Ashoka battling Darth Vader (which occurs in the past on the the linear timeline of the physical plane). In order to save Ashoka from her impending death at the final blow by Darth Vader, he pulls her through a doorway/portal which brings them both back to the physical plane, with Ashoka alive again. To clarify, the souls who have already become one with the cosmic force cannot be returned to the physical plane and the living force unless they choose to reincarnate. Only the souls who are trapped in the in-between world may be brought back by another to the living world. Those who are one with the cosmic force can return to influence the physical plane as “force ghosts,” but those who are in the in between world cannot do this. They are essentially trapped in the world between worlds until they are either merged with the cosmic force or “resurrected” in the living force. We do not see a force ghost for Ben, which indicates that he is not one with the cosmic force and is currently trapped/tethered in the world between worlds.
Another movie that explores this higher dimension in depth is Interstellar. Cooper is drawn into a “world between worlds” or a dimension higher than the physical plane through a black hole, in which time does not exist in a linear fashion. All of the moments that have happened or will ever happen in his daughter Murph’s bedroom are organized into a tesseract system by beings of higher dimensions so that cooper (a being of only three dimensions) may influence these events and send Murph messages through manipulating gravity within her bedroom.
“My son is alive.” -Han Solo in TFA and TROS This quote in particular is emphasized throughout the trilogy. While it means that Ben Solo can still be redeemed, like many statements in the sequel trilogy, it has a double meaning. This is also a foreshadow that Ben is still “alive.”
“Skywalker lives! As long as he does, HOPE lives in the galaxy!” - Snoke in TLJ Many of us have noted how this “Snoke-ism” was referring to Ben, particularly because he pops into the frame as soon as the word “hope” is said. This is also another multi-meaning foreshadow. Hope cannot exist in the galaxy if Ben isn’t in the living world, reunited with his half.
“The last Skywalker.” - Palpatine referring to Ben in The Rise of Skywalker Although we are all rightfully disgruntled about Rey taking on the Skywalker name, the title was not meant to refer to her. Particularly when paired with Palpatine’s description of Ben as the last Skywalker, the title of the movie is rather curious. Much like many other statements, it is likely a foreshadowing of Ben’s eventual rise to complete the “Skywalker” together with Rey.
“The Story Lives Forever.” - TROS trailer over a shot of Ben and Rey Another foreshadowing that although the saga is ending, the characters that the trilogy is about does not end. This phrase was not put over a shot of Rey, but over both Ben AND Rey, which can only imply that their story won’t be over at the conclusion of the saga.
“We’re not done yet.” - Kylo to Rey in TFA A really early foreshadow that Ben and Rey aren’t “done yet.” The story is not “done yet.”
“I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise.” - Rey’s dream in TFA novel Many of us have picked up on the similarity to Han Solo in that term of endearment. It is believed in many cultures and belief systems that we enter higher dimensions in our dreams. Some claim of accessing the astral plane through their dreams. In this dream when Rey hears this, she goes looking for the person who said it and comes face to face with Ben. Ben only exists in her future in this life cycle so this was Rey being attuned to a dimension not limited by space time. And we know that even though Rey appears to be upset about Ben’s “passing,” she doesn’t seem distraught, which she absolutely would be if she started sobbing so strongly when she stabbed him on the death star. This statement was said by Ben to Rey after they kissed through their bond before he leaves her. This is why Rey is not distraught. She knows that this parting is not their end due to this assurance.
“No one’s ever really gone.” - Luke in TLJ referring to Ben This is another multi-meaning foreshadow that was on the surface referring to Ben’s return from the persona of Kylo Ren but is also a foreshadow about Ben not really being “gone” at the end of TROS.
The multiple instances of healing and resurrection we see in TROS Many are healed and resurrected both physically and spiritually: The creature, Ben Solo, Palpatine, and Rey. All of this resurrection foreshadows that the last Skywalker can also be resurrected.
GIF source
NERDIST really upped their REYLO game. MUST WATCH!
Solos
me: is fine being single, understands i am still capable of love, is in no rush, doesn’t like relationships that much
stupid brain:
Idk if I’m taking it the wrong way but it bugs me how in the Prequels, Anakin’s love for his mother Shmi and his wife Padme are framed as his weakness and that his emotions are what drove him to the Dark Side when it was all just natural. They took little Anakin away from his mom and then shamed him for missing her and told him to “man up”, when he was concerned for her the Jedi told him to stop caring but he didn’t and he was right: his mom had been in danger. But his tears when she died are not him being sad that she died, but that he is “falling to the Dark Side”. As if grieving wasn’t appropriate and instead a sign of evilness.
And when pregnant Padme was dying in his dreams, Anakin wasn’t taken seriously by Yoda and told to just stop caring because “death is natural”. And what did we get? Padme did die in the end. There is a reason that he was trying to keep his love to her a secret and eventually turned to Palpatine: Because no one listened to him when he was expressing concern and emotions for his family members. Palpatine seemed to be the only one to care about his feelings and the only one to give him actual advice, but Anakin his still framed as the bad guy for listening to his feelings, especially his feelings towards women, as they are essentially “corrupting his pure mind and true self”. And I don’t care that this was some kind of shitty, self-fulfilling prophecy.
Luke is told similar stuff in the Originals: that he should shut off his emotions because they are “leading him to the Dark Side” or that he should “stop loving Leia” because the other (bad) men could see this as a weakness. Yet Yoda and the other Jedi are still framed as wise and right, while Anakin and Luke are supposed to come off as bratty and impulsive. Not to mention that fear alone doesn’t lead to hatred because experiencing fear is very much needed in a human’s life to prevent them from dangers. Especially fearing for your loved ones is not, as the Jedi put it, something bad that will turn you evil.
But still, it is shown that Luke being concerned and having intense emotions is what makes him fail his training and therefore something he should stop, to be “better”. But in the end, Luke successfully brings Vader back to the Light because he was thinking of him as a father in an emotional way and this is how he managed to reach out to that last spark of Anakin that was left in Vader.
Both Anakin and Luke are actually at their best when they are trying to save their friends and family, they are determined and compassionate, not evil, because they are right.
In the Sequels though, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ren is actually framed as good for staying to his true self and emotions in the end and his love for his parents and Rey is not something that corrupts him, but what brings him back to the Light in the end. (In addition, I wanted to mention that I firmly believe that Kylo Ren is a character who is coded as mentally ill). The good relationships with women in his life is what fuels his good side, not the other way around, like in the Prequels. Same with Luke at the end TLJ on Crait, where he is fueled by giving his sister hope.
Especially in TFA, Kylo is constantly seen trying to put on an emotionless face and to deny his true feelings (”[Han] means nothing to me.”), which result in fits of rage because it is actually damaging him to mask his true self. We have seen Kylo/Ben at the end of TROS: the tantrum-throwing bad guy isn’t who he really is. He isn’t taken seriously by someone either, until Rey comes by and offers him support, what gives him hope and a reason to change. And regarding Kylo being a “crybaby who should man-up” - this is a dangerous thing to say as well. Kylo isn’t actually crying in the moments when he’s evil, but in the moments where he is allowing himself to feel his real emotions.
Take a look at the confrontation between him and Han in TFA for example: When Han approaches Kylo on the bridge, he is trying to talk him out of thinking that the “mighty Kylo Ren” whom Snoke apparantly values and teaches so well, is an illusion and that he didn’t destroy his son. Kylo still tries to be in his role until his true self breaks out: he starts crying and admits his true feelings (”I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain!”). And we see that he actually is torn apart and thinking of going back to the Light side. But when he decides not to and commit the horrible act of killing his father instead, he stops crying and puts on an emotionless face,shutting off his true feelings once again, right in the moment where his father forgivingly strokes his cheek one last time.
And what happens? Kylo trying to cut off the bond with his father and telling himself to not feel a thing about the murder only results in backfiring, causing even more pain and confusion for Kylo and throwing him into an even bigger identity crisis. And he realizes that he cannot kill his mother and feels ashamed for what he has done to her life in TROS, believing that she will hate him, even if he comes back. He knew how bad his crimes were in the end.
But when he is vulnerable to Rey, actually crying out of compassion for her, he has a goal in life again: killing Snoke and starting a new order with Rey by his side. Not quite what is needed, but it is the next step in being himself again and valuing his actual wants again. No matter how much I hated how they trated the character in TROS, I will always cherish those 3 minutes of Ben Solo we got at the end.
At the end, Kylo/Ben was cherished for his true emotions and giving in to them, to his love and concern and having compassion and not to suppress his feelings because he was told that this was right. He wasn’t weak for crying, he was weak for thinking he shouldn’t.
Because this is actually a beautiful message that boys should keep in mind.
Telling boys and young men to be emotionless, to be careful with bonding with other people and staying to their true emotions on the other hand, is not a good message.
Also, for more information on this topic, watch “The Case Against The Jedi Order” by Pop Culture Detective on YouTube.
my only star wars commentary is that i want adam driver to know he’s doing a good job. you’re a very good tall goth space man adam you’re doing great