That Onion Headline That's Like "whatever. The Emo Kids Are All Sitting On Each Other's Lap" Is Their

he’s social distancing :)

he got his mitts on one, thought ‘oh, im not even gonna TRY to figure out how to use this fucking thing’ and stabbed someone with it. bruh.

yall ever think about how Michael Myers doesn’t know how a gun works despite being at the business end of one like a million times

RIP to a real one

nobody ever praises me or pats me on the head or feeds me small treats despite my consistent excellence in the field of not purposefully ripping cabinet doors off their hinges to fulfill some sort of maladaptive destructive urge

Venom: let me do the talking this time Eddie, I’ll order for us

Eddie: no

Venom:

I was at a Halloween party a friend was hosting the other week, and he was baking some truly excellent dishes. He pulled something out of the oven and said (something to the effect of) "Do NOT touch this dish. It just came out of the oven and will burn you into next Sunday."

Other friend responded something like, "Oh cool, a dish that causes time-travel," and I responded, "Well yeah. You hold on to the super hot dish and it makes you travel forward through time at a rate of 1 second per second."

This. It turns out. Was a critical error on my part. Because another friend turned to me real wide-eyed and asked, "Was that a reference?" and I was like "What?" and he was like "Homestuck," and I was like "What?"

Shaggy and Scooby should have died before season one was over

“credit goes to the artist! :)”

well unfortunately it really fucking didn’t, is the thing

src. 

asking the big questions