Happy New Years From The Gay Shark Wives!

happy world frog day from camille 🌺💗

like I already understood sensory issues in the overstimulation sense (too many noises, migraines making everything too loud/too bright, etc.) but I recently (re)discovered a tactile sensory issue of mine: watches. what an absolute sensory nightmare

Who else?

We've got a heavy lil collab!

Wanted to practice backgrounds/shading and after BubbleVerse and I realised BTTF is both a top 3 movie for both of us it seemed like such a fun idea. I'm also super proud of how the bg came out!

being at work while your personal life is falling apart has to be among the top 3 worst human experiences. You’re at your absolute lowest and someone wants to circle back on an email…… unreal

It has been not even 2 hours and -jesus christ- I missed this site, there will never be another website like tumblr

Wow it’s been a year. I doubt that the transphobic moderation has gotten better but I missed Tumblr so here we are I guess

I think I’m just a little too autistic for most people

Like I’m definitely a low support needs autistic person in the sense that I can navigate reality on my own, understand complicated things more or less fully: all to say, I’m not intellectually challenged (not say I’m some genius lol).

But I’m weird. When masking, I speak and write in a very formal, stilted, clear manner. I make every effort to be understood, or at least hopefully not misinterpreted. The only times that I come across as emotionally present are either when I’m very heavily masking and doing emotional regulation for someone else, or if I’m not masking at all because I’m comfortable around someone. They’re very different kinds of emotionally expressive though.

The problem is, I still do the stilted speech thing even when not masking if I’m trying to say something difficult or make sure I’m being coherent. And the thing is, I am fully cognizant that my mannerisms are off-putting. Sure people might tell me they don’t mind, but I’m not stupid - I can tell if they’re lying, even if it takes me some time to notice.

But I’m not just weird in my mannerisms. I have very niche, even cringe interests (I am held hostage by Sonic the Hedgehog and I won’t shut up about Deep Space Nine). I really suck at small talk, and love listening to people I care about talk about whatever they’re passionate about. I think that can breed a sense that I don’t contribute the same amount to conversation, even if cognitively I’m fully present. I’m quick to get attached to people I find comfortable around, especially because that’s so rare for me. And the quickness is probably what prospective friends find the most off-putting.

It feels like the only other person that will understand me is just someone who’s a carbon copy of myself. And I’ve yet to find her. Hell, I’m not even entirely confident we’d get along.

But I guess I have to hold out hope there’s at least one person that will get me. Because if there isn’t, what’s even the point? Why am I living in loneliness if not for the shred of hope that it’ll eventually end?

It just hurts to be abandoned again. And again. And again.

And it’s getting harder and harder to be strong/brave enough to even give people a shot.

finding sapphic yearning on this site is both a blessing and a curse

on the one hand, it's vindicating to read about people with similar feelings to my own, who can word them so poetically while all I can muster on my own are vague uncomfortable emotions (which is to say, reading posts here help give those feelings release by providing words to them).

on the other hand, it can leave me feeling like a faker because I can't articulate my yearning and loneliness well on my own. it can amplify my loneliness because I know I'm feeling vicariously through the words of others.

I can analyze and dissect what various issues contribute to my isolation, but those problems seem insurmountable.

just want to end the post by saying that, in the end, I appreciate and adore the posts made by the sapphics here who are more articulate than I am.

I'm reminded of this: