Jeno-has-jaem

and when he leaves you in the dark. xiao x gn!reader. warnings: angst, xiao dies, 2.7 chasm update spoilers. wc: 1,906. semi proofread.

in each of xiao’s waking moments, he thinks of you.

he thinks of the sun rising in your eyes when you turn to look at him. he thinks of your smile brighter than the moonlight when you tell him about your day. he thinks of the warmth in your hands when you gently grab his own, tugging on him to lead the way.

and as his body grows weaker with each passing second from the fantastic compass, he thinks about you. as though his ears are filled with water, the loud yelling of yanfei and paimon is drowned away by his thoughts of you—it has always only been of you.

you always hated how self-sacrificial he was. your shoulders would slump when you’d hear him utter his thoughts and you’d angrily bite back your tears. you’d wrap your arms around his waist after and tell him it was all nonsense—that he still had you.

that should there come a day the stars will not align, xiao will still have you.

you would never miss the sudden look in his eyes, yet he smiles lightly and nods every time.

when the platform shatters and so does his mask, vanishing slowly as the strength in him dies a little more, xiao finally remembers what you had said to him before he left.

“come back home to me.”

you had been playing with his fingers when you spoke, not once looking up at him—missing the ghost of a smile on his lips. someone like you was too far for xiao to reach but still, he wallowed in your affection and surrendered himself fully.

you who has been blighted by someone like xiao, a demon who has slain thousands—mortals and gods alike. xiao wished back then that he had stayed away, kept to himself on the balcony of wangshu inn and never helped you with your problems.

for someone as awkward as him, xiao learned to breathe and love. love someone so different, someone who is not like him; and will never be like him. he learned to breathe you in as though you and he do not know where the two of you had begun and when you two had become whole.

“okay, i will,” xiao whispered that night. it was a promise to you and him—he’d come back home, safe and sound, to you.

then you looked up at him that time, smiling lightly as your eyes interlocked. you had noticed the fondness in his eyes, hand reaching up to cup his cheek. cute, you thought—but you’d never tell him that.

xiao supposes this would be the only time he has broken a promise to you. of the countless promises he had kept, this would be the only one he would have to break, whether he had a choice or not.

he staggers back, breath heavy and so is his body. they all look at him—yanfei, yelan, the traveler, paimon, and shinobu—with wide eyes as he stands weakly, eyes travelling towards the opening above them.

he would apologize if he could, take you once more into his arms and kiss your nose. he would apologize for everything he couldn’t have done with you and ask for your forgiveness. he knew you’d accept him as you always have.

xiao knows that his time is running out.

the color green engulfs his right hand as he balls it into a fist, knowing this would be his last act. heroic—he thinks, idiotic—you’d say. 

“i like the color green,” you told him once on a stroll.

xiao paused in his steps, turning to look at you with a raised brow. “green?” he repeated.

“yeah, i like it,” you hummed. “everything about you is green—you’re green.”

he didn’t know what it meant during that time, only that he knew you liked it because of him. xiao took every chance to take home every colored green object in sight when he would go out.

he brought a four-leaf clover once, hoping that it would bring you any luck compared to being with him. xiao left it on your hands with a shy smile as you stared at it with a smile.

everything else followed after that. xiao would grab a jade stone should he see one, a beautiful water lily when he passes by the lake, a green flower when it blooms at night.

when the sunset came and you laid your head on his shoulder by a tree trunk, xiao hesitantly asked, “why the color green?”

you didn’t move from your position, instead, you took a look at the setting sun. “i just like it,” you answered. “but, if you really want to know…”

xiao gazed at you, watching the way your lips would move, nose scrunch up when you smiled, and eyebrows moving when you spoke. he then glanced at the sky and the setting sun—it was pink and purple, something you always loved to stare at, even more than you loved the color green, that he knew.

“does that answer your question?” xiao blinked. ah, he didn’t listen.

“it does,” he said, hand slowly reaching towards yours, intertwining it with his. 

though he feels disappointed in himself for never hearing your answer, xiao realized there, you are more beautiful than the sun setting. should the sun itself disappear, xiao would follow you to the ends of the earth just to watch the sunset in your eyes.

this time, however, xiao understands why you like the color green—it symbolizes his protection. the color engulfs his companions, a bright light green that he knew would protect them and bring them to safety, and he knew that it would bring only them.

xiao watches as yelan reaches out to him, yelling something incoherent in his ears, then finally, they disappear and leave him on his own. 

the platform below him cracks and xiao falls.

he wonders what you would have said to him should you know he sacrificed himself for others—only this time, he isn’t coming back. it was his job, his duty—it was bound to happen at one point. it was something you always refused to accept, xiao shouldn’t have to bear the burden of others.

“you first before others,” you said one time. “why should you put your life on the line for them?”

it was in the contract—he would have said. but xiao was bound by no contracts (at least anymore), only his morals and his guilt. his sins were far greater than any living adeptus and he must suffer for all eternity for what he has done.

but you show him that he doesn’t have to bear the burden of others, that like everyone else, xiao is loved. and he is loved deeply and greatly by none other than you.

to others love may be a burning fire of desire, to know all of your deepest secrets, or kissing below the shade of the trees in spring and waiting for the flowers to fall. but for you, you show xiao that love to you is simply him.

and xiao knows that you love him more than you do yourself.

it’s only that xiao knows in himself that you are the epitome of love itself—and he will love you even until death.

“what are you holding?” you came up to him on a cold night by the balcony. the wind blew and howled, you shivered slightly as you make do with your hands rubbing your arms for any source of warmth.

xiao turned to you, holding a crystal-fly in his right hand. “i thought it would suit you,” he murmured, reaching out to tuck the piece in your hair. 

he gazed at you, a light smile on his lips as you touched the crystal-fly on your hair gently. xiao was right whenever it came to you—something he was always proud of, and the only thing he was proud of in himself.

“i love it,” you whispered.

“i love you,” xiao whispered back—barely audible but he knows you hear it, and wants only you to hear it.

[name], when tomorrow starts without me, i hope you feel relieved.

he has seen the mountains fall and the oceans rise, but xiao knows that he has loved only you, and forever will only be you. 

but i hope you know that i will love you even if there are no clouds in the sky and the setting sun has become dull in your eyes.

and as he falls into his doom, xiao remembers your smile, the crinkle of your eyes, the laugh you let out when he takes you too seriously, the warmth of your hugs, and the love that you brought him.

“what’s your favorite flower?” he had asked suddenly.

you thought for a few seconds as you say, “oh, i don’t know.”

xiao frowned.

“but if there was a flower like you, i would choose that one,” is what you said after.

you gave him a bright smile, laughing at your own words—still, they were true. wrapping your arms around his neck, he staggered backwards, holding your waist to steady the both of you. should there be a garden full of flowers, you would choose xiao again and again.

“that’s nonsense,” xiao clicked his tongue.

“huh? hey! i thought it was cute!”

his eyes shoot open.

for once in his life, xiao reaches up towards the small light and wishes it would grab him just as how you pulled him out of his misery.

what would you think?

what would you say?

what would you do when the news comes to you?

as he falls, tears spring to his eyes as he remembers you. the only person in his life who had shown him love. the only person who had cried when he came home with blood on him. the only person who he knows would be devastated when you find out the truth about what had happened to him.

if only xiao had stayed far away from you, it wouldn’t have ended up like this—you would not have to cry for him.

until xiao’s final moments, he thinks about you.

--

“i’m sorry, xiao has died.”

the smile on your face fades, handpicked qingxins now lay by your feet as your hands drop to your sides. verr goldet stands in front of you, a solemn look on her face—you watch her lips move but you could barely hear what she says.

xiao has died.

xiao has died?

you open your mouth to thank her for bearing you the news, but it stays open. there was nothing to say. she watches as you tremble, the gloss in your eyes fading—a look she had first seen on xiao when you had not come for a week.

with a shaky voice, you reply, “okay… thank you.”

you should have seen it coming; that one day, xiao would not return safely in your arms. the longer you stand in front of verr goldet, the heavier your body becomes, dragging you down as if it wishes to bring you with xiao himself. for now, you will weep for your dead lover.

you hope that in xiao’s final moments, he knows that should he and you walk this world once again with no remnants of each other, you will find him again and again.

notes i thought about xiao finally resting but wipee go down with me he worries about leaving you alone so in his last final moments he's desperately trying to cling onto whatever faith he has left in himself to go back to you but <3 he can't tada hehe also i hope the transitions are understandable as you can see the reader isn't with xiao in the chasm, so all you saw are xiao's memories with you just loving him or as i like to call it his life flashing before he dies :p i wrote this in one day i can't believe but i had to edit it a lot because my metaphors didn't seem right, i am not an english major so i am horrible at this

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ah goddamn this hurts

Somewhere you can’t follow (3) - Genshin Angst [Modern AU]

Summary: You’ve always been there for him but he’s always still loved his ex. You finally had enough and did what you thought was best for you. You left.

Characters: Xiao, fem!reader

Warnings: crazy ex gf vibes, no comfort, pure angst, he basically goes back to his ex, cheating-ish (he thinks of you while he’s with his ex), I went overboard with this one…idk how. 

Other works in this series: (Diluc, Itto, Thoma) (Kaeya, Scaramouche)

Personal favourite line in this work: It was as if you wanted to keep it as evidence that he cared. Something to secretly squeal about at night when you replay the memory. Now just something to remind you that you were a complete daydreaming fool.

Word count: 2955

Xiao

He used to date someone who only dated him for the clout. You didn’t know if he realized it, but Xiao was a smart guy, he must have had some sort of idea…and yet, they continued that way for months, until the girl broke it off and Xiao was thrown aside. 

Keep reading

because of that, i'd die for koko.

SEASON 4 COMING SOON ✰ bungou stray dogs.

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my girl yanfei serves only the LAW in the court of JUSTICE 🏐🔥

little devil

[ xiao x newborn adepti!reader ]

summary: what started out as an 'annoying little devil' turned out to be 'my little devil.'

note: wanted to post something for xiao's release and his necklace caught my eye gnekf also not proofread because im lazy as fuck fhskfj also the time line is a little bit after the archon war or something | m.list

words: 425 she smol | warnings: not proofread fjskfj

"i see that the two of you are getting along."

rex lapis chuckled at xiao's bewildered face, grumbling underneath his breath that he did not agree with what he had said—despite the fact that the child mentioned is currently seated between the yaksha's legs, fiddling with a few pieces of beads and what looked like a blunt arrowhead.

"is that so?"

"i am merely doing what you asked me to do," he grumbles, eyes casted down at the child.

"i see, do you want me to take them from your care to lessen your burden?"

tongue tied, xiao mentally cursed himself for not answering fast enough, for the archon's face resembles a smug man who just won a gambling session. another reason to berate himself was the fact that, indeed, he does not want the child to be taken away from him.

what started out as 'an annoying little devil' turned out to be 'they're my little devil.'

from beside him, rex lapis smiled at the yaksha, glad that he's not as tense as he usually is now with the presence of the newborn adeptus in his arms. it started out as a little joke, to test the yaksha's patience. but now that he can see how fond xiao had grown towards the little one, he knew it was the right decision.

"careful, that may not be sharp enough to cut but that does not mean you can eat it."

xiao took the blunt arrowhead from the little one's hands, uttering a disapproving 'tsk' when their little hands reached for the arrowhead once again, softly whining.

"brat."

"so, what might be your answer?"

rex lapis knew well enough what the yaksha's answer would be, but he wanted to tease him a little bit, wanted to hear it straight from his mouth.

xiao paused, weighing the pros and cons of the decision he wanted to make.

"big brother xiao?"

he hummed, meeting the round eyes of the small adepti, who had their hands stretched in his direction, motioning him to take something.

in their hands is a necklace, complemented with white bead, two pink larger ones, two smaller green ones, two lighter pink tassels, and the blunt arrowhead in the middle as a pendant.

xiao allowed the small adepti to hang the necklace around his neck, the weight of the pendant somehow feels reassuring to the yaksha.

now with a confident answer in mind, xiao patted the smaller adepti's head, turning to look at rex lapis to give him his answer.

"i want them to stay."

soft n warm domestic (aged up) kokoinu for commission.. them living together.. messy baking.. I’m weak..  sobs… thank you so much, such blessing getting paid to draw my own otp (sobs again)

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strictly prohibited to repost or use under any circumstances, unless you’re the client.

this is not the final snoopy gojo piece you'll see from me