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this is beautiful i—*sobs*

# 0.03 - THE THIRD WISH.

╰ ‘I wish to learn how to make flower crowns.’ | Chapter 3 of ‘The Five Wishes You Fulfilled For Me Before I Died’ series

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HE SCOLDS YOU FOR CALLING HIS NAME FOR NO REASON AT ALL and yet whenever you don't, he frowns and asks about your whereabouts. the yaksha that guards over liyue is certainly a strange character and an adoring laugh would've slipped out of you if you weren't too busy trying to wash away the metallic taste of blood in your mouth. amongst the cards delivered to your hands, you realized that one person hadn't sent one. of course, you didn't expect anything from him of all people but you were suddenly filled with the desire to seek his presence. now though, you wondered if you're still in any shape to converse casually. the dried tears that stuck to your cheeks made you look disheveled and though it was dark, you don't doubt that his piercing amber eyes would take note of it immediately. was your body's exhaustion really this fast approaching?

"i told you to speak my name when you need help," a voice from behind you flatly states. you don't do so much as flinch. you'd know that voice even from afar.

"xiao... it's been a while, huh? how do you do?"

the man in question frowns even deeper, allowing his polearm to disperse into fragments of lights before he approached your keeled-over form, "what are you croaking about? speak up. i can't hear you."

"gee, a little understanding, please?"

you didn't really take offense. if you had, then there was no way you could've befriended the sharp-tongued man who was just a few steps away from you by now. perhaps it was just a worthless attempt but you hoped that your little comment was enough to distract him, even just a little, from the gruesome sight you weren't able to clean up. who would've known that he was always watching your back from afar?

"who did that?"

"no one," you muttered, tense. it sounded more like a furious demand than a question and you don't think that you've ever heard such animosity from him ever since you met. heck, the way he spoke about his karma sounds tender compared to the tone he used now! "hey, calm down."

"you're bleeding. you need help."

xiao, despite not believing your words, motioned for you to come towards him. as much as he wanted to reshuffle the cards dealt by fate to whoever was dumb enough to lay a hand on you, he knew that he should probably find someone to assist you first. verr goldet should still be awake, he thinks as he glances at the moon that watched the scene curiously. time flows differently for the adepti and he couldn't be bothered to carry a watch when it doesn't apply to him but if he were to guess, it shouldn't be more than thirty past eight in the evening.

"i'm fine. there's nothing you can do to help me," you waved your hand haphazardly as you tried to stand, only to find xiao crouching in front of you.

"..." he grits his teeth, trying his hardest to fight the heat that was climbing up his pale neck, "what are you waiting for? it's faster this way so... just hurry up."

a confused sound escapes you and you half-believed that you just redefined speechlessness as you stared at his back. shifting your weight from one leg to another, you ultimately freeze as xiao turns his head slightly, just enough to meet your gaze impatiently but you knew him well enough to recognize the same shade of embarrassment on his pupils. deciding to cut the both of you some slack, you cautiously mounted his back and with an ease that made your heart skip a beat, he adjusted your position so you laid more comfortably and securely. despite your nervous fidgeting (caused by the very sharp reminder that his hands were firmly holding onto the flesh of your thighs), xiao doesn't seem to be having any trouble carrying your weight.

"um... i'm really fine... you don't need to do this. i must be really heavy, 'm so sorry..."

he only scoffs, squeezing your thighs as if to reprimand you, "you underestimate the strength of the adepti. this is nothing compared to what i have held long ago."

you don't reply, ashamed that you're taking this situation of context and even more ashamed that you're absolutely enjoying it. distracted by your fleeting thoughts, you don't notice that you have slowly nuzzled into the crook of his neck. it wasn't your intention but your subconscious desperately craved the warmth that exudes from his body. by the time you realized what you were doing, it was too late and you pretended to do it on purpose just because it felt a smidge less embarrassing.

with your bodies awfully close together, xiao desperately prayed that you didn't notice the way his breath hitched as your small sigh fanned a hot gust of air over his sensitive skin. he also prayed that you don't hear the wild pumping of his heart because he, himself, couldn't hear anything aside from that.

"xiao?" he tensed up, surprised at the intense thoughts that floated in his mind at the innocent call of his name. you're too near. you had only whispered his name prettily but in his mind, you might as well have screamed it until both his ears bled, "do you mind if we stop by dihua marsh first?"

"what? are you out of your mind? you're injured—"

"i promise i'm not—"

he ignores you're lighthearted laugh as he nearly growls, unconsciously digging his dull nails into your thighs that formed small, crescent-like engraving on your plush skin, "i can smell your blood from afar."

"hey, i really promise i'm fine. in fact, you can check for injuries right here and now!"

xiao pauses and you take it as him thinking over his options. when you slowly slid out of his grasp and he wordlessly let you, a small victorious smile curved on your lips, "if i see anything, i'm taking you to wangshu inn immediately and you better not utter another complaint."

"yes, yes... i understand. no need to frown so much," he doesn't speak of the bright twinkle in your eyes as you shrugged your coat off, twirling once to show that true to your words, no trace of blood could be seen on your clothes. aside from the remnants of the gore on your palms, you looked unscathed and xiao realized that he could finally breathe again.

"if you're not injured, what was that on your hand?"

you knew he'd ask eventually but that didn't stop the recoil from coming. nervously looking at the side, you took one long breath in before plastering a smile on your face as you met his ever-serious gaze, "about that... care to chat in a place more comfortable?"

xiao curiously raised a brow despite the seemingly permanent scowl on his face. still, he offered his gloved hand quite roughly though it was more endearing in your eyes, "to dihua marsh, right?"

"if it isn't too much trouble..."

"isn't it too late to say that?"

you only laughed at his little grumble, knowing full well that he doesn't mind taking you anywhere you wanted to go. why else would he go out of his way to accompany you to sal terrae three days after you mentioned it in passing? taking his hand gingerly, he immediately pulls you closer to him, and almost as quickly, a heady scent envelops you. for someone who claims that aromas do not cling to him after grueling hours of hunt, you sure could pinpoint that the fragrance on his clothes was one of the refreshing scents of qingxin flowers and honey-roasted almonds. it's faded now and you purse your lips in worry. surely that must mean that he hasn't been resting? xiao had the habit of having his beloved dish during the morning during the winter season, having been too exhausted by the increasing amounts of exorcisms he needed to do to bother eating upon his return.

shaking away your worry, you try to ignore the other underlying stench that coats him. death. it's nothing unpleasant like the decaying flesh of a cold corpse but there was something unique about it that you could recognize it as that. it was hard to describe but once you meet someone on their deathbed, you'll know. it's the scent of a fast-approaching demise carried by hundreds of volatile materials. who were you kidding? he deals with death so, of course, he'll smell like it. or maybe you've finally lost it and whatever scent you carried had rubbed off on him with your close proximity.

closing your eyes, you tried to focus on the good parts. the scent of the candied chestnuts and sweet potatoes that you ate earlier in your festival meal, the faint floral residue of the perfume you wore, the quick whiff you got of saltwater and sea plants... ah, you arrived. peering over xiao's shoulder, you tried to find a suitable spot to rest. you wouldn't appreciate your socks getting wet so definitely not near the waters. you have a hard time removing the dirt stains on your clothes so not the hills. the other parts are occupied by monsters and you couldn't be bothered with defeating them first.

biting back a sigh, you rolled your shoulders back. you might've been unusually picky tonight but you were about to relay some life-changing news. comfortability should be your right because soon it wouldn't even matter anymore. you swear it's just about that. you were certainly not procrastinating on the inevitable.

"we're here. speak now and fulfill your end of the bargain."

you chuckle nervously, "you really need to relax a little... would it kill you to be softer?"

"softness would do me no favors and neither would your avoidance. tell me now or i'll find out for myself."

" woah, there... is that a threat? we're not enemies here. i think i should remind you that."

he says your name once, eyes narrowed in a warning and you sigh in defeat, "okay. fine. i'm sick."

"sick? then shouldn't you be resting?"

you sighed, leaning against the trunk of an old tree, "like i said, it wouldn't help me."

"hmph. you mortals are so difficult. you say one thing and the other says another—"

"i'm dying," you interrupt him with a humorless smile, "there's no recovering no matter what i do so i'm out here walking while i still can. it's sad, isn't it?"

xiao swallows as he feels his blood freeze over. surely not? of all the people in liyue, he was one of those that painfully knew the permanency of death the best. it was not something to be thrown around as a foul joke! anger swells up in his chest but as he eyes the distraught hidden in your carefree smile, he finds his words dying in his throat. surely not...

"i was out here to say goodbye to you because... there probably won't be a next time. when you found me, i was just about to call for you but my body beat you to it."

he was certain that he was being delusional. of course, he has to be! the weight of his karma must've finally made his nightmares bleed into reality but that was it, wasn't it? nightmares, dreams... all of it could come blurring into the reality he perceives but they would never amount to be anything but that. dreams are dreams and reality is reality. there was no way that someone as pure and gentle as you would be fated to an early death. that was not how karma works. he would know.

"xiao? it's... a good time to say something? i'm getting pretty scared of your silence..."

the yaksha doesn't speak, doesn't breathe even as his fingers trembled at his side. you look too weak, too fragile to be the person he once knew. you try to reach out to him — anything to snap him out of his confused daze but he backs away. he backs away because the moment he feels your warmth radiate over his skin, he'll know that it was real — that he'd lose you many years before he expected to — and xiao refuses to accept that. he couldn't. it feels too much of a crime to add to his already long list.

"hey now... don't go avoiding speech when you just threatened me to say something..."

something foreign stirs in him. it's hot and suffocating and if that wasn't enough to say that it wasn't a good sign then nothing else would be. he's never been good with anything foreign, having been stuck in liyue for as long as he could remember and so when he feels that strange feeling bubble up — when he feels his chest close up and when he feels abnormally sharp claws carve at his heart, he schools his face to something colder, sinister even. he wanted to scream, claw his eyes out so the tears wouldn't fall but he can't do that. yakshas who knew death's caress as their first touch don't do that.

"unbelievable. you came all the way from the harbor to tell me this?"

"i— what?"

his grip grew taut and you notice. concerned eyes flitted from his eyes to his fists, convinced that he would've injured himself if it weren't for his gloves, "mortal life is fickle and death consumes your kind every day. there was no reason for you to tell me about such a common occurrence. if that is all, i'll be taking my leave. do not call for measly matters."

you watched as he teleported away, leaving you alone in the islet. not even the cicadas were around to accompany you tonight. it was just silence and unbearable cold.

you should've been mad at him for disregarding your life just like that. how cruel was it to say that you're overreacting when you were just a few hours away from certain doom? being mad was your right. no one would've judged you for it but how could you be mad?

he was crying.

you don't think you could bear to witness the sight one more time and so you left back to liyue harbor where it was easier to pretend that the voices in your head didn't exist.

CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE BEAUTIFUL — and they would make for wonderful funeral flowers, you mused to yourself as you patiently eyed the vase that decorated director hu's office. she was out with zhongli doing god knows what but the undertaker in front was kind enough to let you wait inside. you'd rather not deal with the gossip that was sure to come. if someone were to catch you idling around in front of a funeral parlor, well, they'd surely jump to conclusions — correct conclusions.

"oho? ohoho? well, look who's visiting, mr. zhongli!"

"ah... yes... this is certainly a surprise but not quite unwelcomed. may i ask what brings you here?"

you laughed as hu tao came over to give you a hug, her cheeks smooshing against yours as she playfully cuddled into your seated form, "i came to inquire if that discount is still up for grabs?"

"hm? did you murder someone or something?"

"director hu," zhongli sighs as he offers you a cup of tea that was, thankfully, made already, "i hardly think that is an appropriate question to ask."

"no, it's fine. it's not a question i can't answer because i'm still perfectly innocent," you paused, "as far as i know?"

hu tao pulled away. with her seated in her chair properly, the scent of plum blossom that clung to her was gone and you could once again smell the incense that wrapped the entire building, "if not for some poor guy that you beat up, then for whom are you asking?"

"about that... aha, it's for me," your eyes meet zhongli's, and... who were you kidding, of course, he knew. the sad smile he sent you was comforting. it's nice to know that even after you pass, a god would still remember your name.

without letting hu tao ask, you recounted the interaction between you and the nuns of the church of favonius as well as your brief meeting with baizhu. aether had insisted that you get a second opinion and you didn't see the point when that night, you fainted out of the sheer pain that pierced through your chest once again. if there was truly hope left for you, then at least one of the potions albedo gave you would've quelled the pain, even if it was a measly bit.

"i see... i'm sorry to hear that. unfortunately, there is nothing that we can offer to suspend your fate but at the very least, we can give you a send-off to be remembered."

it's so strange to see her suddenly don a professional tone but you should've known better than to doubt her. despite her unusualness, hu tao was someone who's incredibly passionate about her job. you didn't need to know about funerary ethos to see that, "i was hoping i could leave the arrangements to you? i'm not really picky and i don't really have much time to ponder about the details. anything's fine as long as it's for close friends only uh... that is if they want to come..."

"i see... that can be settled. anything else?"

"i'd like chrysanthemums to be used and... um... is it possible to hold the rites without my body?"

"it could be done but... why?"

you shrugged casually. this was surprisingly an easy conversation though... you are talking to hu tao who has an unconventional but good perspective on life and death, "i don't think i'll be able to return to liyue from inazuma."

hu tao nods understandingly before proceeding to explain the things that were going to be done during the funeral itself. you wonder why she's telling you all of this when it wouldn't matter to you. still, you listen. this was important to her and it's... oddly heartwarming to see her determination as she worked.

"on behalf of everyone in wangsheng funeral parlor, no, everyone you've ever encountered, we are sorry to see you go. thank you for everything that you've done for us and we hope that you live the rest of your days to the fullest."

hu tao bows deeply in respect and zhongli follows suit, leaving you in an awkward position. you wanted to say that it wasn't necessary but maybe this was some cultural tradition that you didn't want to overlook. hesitantly, you bowed back out of respect before muttering that you had a ship to catch which, wasn't too far from the truth.

"please... allow me to walk you out."

zhongli sends you a polite smile, eyes seemingly hinting for you to accept and that was enough for you to indulge in curiosity. giving one last wave to hu tao, you step out of her office and into the well-maintained hallways of the establishment.

"forgive me if this is too intrusive to ask but... have you told anyone else?"

you huffed in amusement, "he knows if that's your true question."

"did you tell him yesterday?"

surprised, you only nodded as zhongli sighed with a soft shake of his head, "no wonder..."

"what do you mean by that?"

laying a hand on the small of your back, zhongli guided you away from a rushing passerby. liyue's streets are always busy. you don't think it'll ever stop for anyone, "miss goldet approached us in distress earlier. it was what director hu and i sorted when you first arrived."

"verr goldet? did something happen?"

"quite. a big chunk of dihua marsh was... damaged last night as the miasma seemed to mysteriously grow rampant."

you froze. xiao... "is he alright?"

"it's hard to be 'alright' when encountering such news..." he bitterly smiled, "loss is a battle constantly fought by those who have lived and will continue to live for many millennia. the more losses you have suffered, the less you know how to accept fate."

worry began etching itself on your features. this was far from what you expected to happen when you told xiao. if anything, it was him whom you expected to take the news the best as he had grown used to speaking words that portray him and death as close acquaintances. you were foolish to think that, in retrospect, and you wonder if you had made a mistake. as if sensing your thoughts, zhongli halts and briefly holds your hand as a signal.

"there is no outrunning the invitation of death however when you are told of this fact before you pass and you choose to silently take it to your grave, it is the living that must suffer the consequences of your action. mourning will never not cause pain but when you weren't told anything and weren’t given any time to anticipate loss, things that hurt, hurt more. "

zhongli pats your shoulder sympathetically, "that young adeptus has suffered a perilous life. it does not come as a surprise that he has run away from that which threatens to bring him pain once more. perhaps you would say that he should be used to such unexpected events after all that has transpired in the many wars he had witnessed but, dearest child, has he ever adored anyone as much as he adored you?"

"he hasn't... but he will," you cleared your throat, looking into the direction of yujing terrace, "he'll find someone who adores him just as much and he'll learn to return the favor."

the former archon chuckles as he follows your gaze, "do you say that to remove the guilt from your heart or do you say that because that is your wish for him? the words you speak now are words you could speak because he has spared you the sight of his anger and what is anger if not the part of him that loves you?"

"xiao cannot be judged by the same measure you use amongst your kind for he, himself, has suffered far too many grievances that none of you can comprehend. does it come as a shock when you see that anger is the only emotion he speaks?"

"anger... is the only emotion he speaks?"

"his affection has turned into an anger for his being that deserves none of your tenderness. his compassion has turned into an anger that drives him to continue to swear by his contract with rex lapis. now, his sorrow has manifested into an anger that screams for you whom he believed deserved a fate much kinder than what was bestowed. mayhaps not with him but xiao has only ever prayed for your safety and happiness. see him now and you'll see his resentment for the world that dared treat you with anything but kindness."

"is that why you're here?" you smile listlessly, "because you cannot fault him for his anger?"

zhongli shakes his head, mirroring your words from earlier, "is that your true question?"

"would you answer me if i told you it wasn't?"

"very clever," he chuckles with eyes misting over with subtle pride, "but if you must know... i simply think that one shouldn't miss such an opportunity. there is no greater pain than saying your farewells once the moment has passed when you had the chance to offer it in the moment it truly mattered.

"ah, i didn't realize we've walked this far. this is as far as i will go. please consider my words kindly and though it may mean very little now," zhongli lays a hand over your head as he tips his head slightly, "you have my blessing. may you go forth in prosperity.

"and he says he has placed his past behind..." you whisper to yourself as you make your way back to dihua marsh.

"you there! may i interest you with our selection of flowers?"

you blinked, "flowers?"

ONCE PERCHED AS A CROWN OF HOPEFUL DREAMS — nervously nibbling on your lip, you paced back and forth as you held your occupied hands in front of you. maybe this was a mistake and maybe zhongli was wrong to say that you should still venture to mutter your farewell when xiao has strictly told you to only call him if it's for urgent concerns.

ah, but is your passing not an urgent concern?

gulping, you looked at the bright blue sky above you. beidou wouldn't take it too kindly if you delay her any further when you were one of the people who pestered her to speed up the preparations for sailing. besides, if you didn't speak now, you wouldn't be able to speak to him ever again. with that in mind, you hugged the white chrysanthemums close to your chest.

"xiao," a soft gust of wind blows past your form and slowly, you opened your eyes to meet dull, amber ones.

"you called?"

"i did."

an awkward silence fills the small space in between you two and before he could utter something about leaving (you knew him and you recognize the downward curve of his lips), you spoke.

"i'm leaving for inazuma in a few hours and... i don't want last night to be our last conversation. i don't want you to hate yourself for telling me such words and i don't want to hate myself for keeping my silence. i think that... we both have too little time for that."

"...you're leaving?"

"i made a few friends in inazuma and while we spent the shortest time together, i figured i still owe them a goodbye," you walked towards the same tree you were leaning on before and sat under its shade, "sit with me?"

xiao hesitates before taking the spot beside you, leaving enough space so that you wouldn't be touching each other.

"...fair enough. um... i don't even know what i want to say but... i want you to listen. you can leave anytime you want. i won't hold it against you. you don't need to reply either. i just need you to hear me out or y'know... try to, at least."

taking his silence as his agreement, you looked down at your lap. you don't think you could meet his gaze. his eyes are too honest and his honesty was painful. too painful even for you who'll only need to bear it for a few more days, "uh so... i'm— fuck, okay."

"i'm sorry."

you pause in surprise, abruptly looking at him to see xiao's gaze turned to someplace far away, "what?"

"i'm sorry for running away and i'm sorry for not being able to protect you."

"you couldn't have done anything."

xiao scoffs, tracing over his mask bitterly, "isn't that the point? ...my feelings for you are difficult but i had sworn to you that i would protect you from whatever dares to lay you in harm's way. i didn't fail. i've come to your aid before anyone could even do so much as give you a scratch. i thought... that if i watched over liyue well enough, you'd at least live a prosperous life. i never dared ask for more. that much is enough."

"xiao..."

"but despite my efforts, death has no mercy and it sent a curse that i could never face. is this... a product of my karma? was the world's grudge so severe that it has to take the one person i swore to protect no matter what the cost?"

"this is not your fault! it's no one's so..." your indignant stance falters as he sends you a glare.

"do you think i'm so foolish that i don't know that? i do," he clenches his teeth, "but it doesn't change the fact that you're dying and i can't do anything. somehow, that makes me feel at fault no matter how absurd it sounds."

you slump further into the soil as he continues. in a similar absurd manner, it makes you feel sorry that you're dying, "you are... the only person who tried to understand me and succeeded and you'll be the only person to ever make me wonder about life's pleasures. i will remember you until my own demise comes and if sinners can receive the blessing of reincarnation too, then i shall remember you in mine as well."

for a while, you didn't respond and when you finally regained your bearings, you laugh lightheartedly, "and to think i came all the way here to ask you to let me go... i forgot how stubborn you can be."

"calling the adepti stubborn? hmph. you have some nerve."

"i still think it's better if you forget about me. it'll make you suffer less. make it hard to remember that i can't offer my comfort even if i want to with all my soul."

xiao raises a brow, a sigh escaping his lips as he sent you another half-hearted glare, "you might have forgotten so i shall remind you. though i am an adeptus, i could not care less about granting human wishes."

"and you don't ever have to worry about that," you scrunch your nose as you pinched his cheek much to his flustered surprise, "most people would rather live the rest of their lives in misery than bear through your agonizing glare."

"let me go—"

"you didn't let me finish."

"what now?" he mutters as he successfully pried himself off your grip.

"i won't tell you how to live your life. if you want to hold on to me until the next time we meet, fine by me. i'll rush to you as soon as i see you enter the pearly gates or something. if you want to remember my face until the very end of your years, then i'll remember your name for just as long but xiao... i also want you to be happy. i want to look down from up there and say 'ah, he's smiling... i'm glad.' i want you to try to live because if your adoration for me hasn't changed when we meet again, i'd want to be able to tell you that you carried me so well in your heart that it almost felt like i was still alive too. those simple wishes are the only things i'll ask from you because... hah, for the longest time that was my dream. i hoped to make you smile more myself but i don't think i'll be able to do that now... am i selfish for asking this?"

"you wish me happiness?"

taking his surprise as an opportunity, you laid the tightly knit carnations on his head, "why wouldn't i? you're the one this world owes it to the most."

"and this is?"

"a flower crown! i've always wanted to learn how to make one and that kind merchant in liyue taught me just in time. i'm offering the first and last one i'll ever make to you. i know you just said that you don't grant wishes but... is it bad for me to hope that i'm special enough to be spoiled by you?"

"such mortal accessories... do not suit me."

you rolled your eyes, "says who? you? invalid. i refuse to accept it. y'know... when you're not too busy glowering, you have really soft features that match such soft flowers."

xiao's eyes widened almost imperceptibly. thankfully, you knew him well enough to notice such minor changes. smirking in delight, you lean further into him as you watch a red hue slowly stain his skin, "oh? do compliments fluster you? my, my—"

"if you still want to go to inazuma in one piece, i'd shut up now."

"shutting up~"

chrysanthemums carry the weight of a million words. to some, they are a symbol of life and rebirth. to others, it's a symbol of devoted love and loyalty. to the less fortunate, they are tokens of grief — a beautiful message that honors the full life of the dead. chrysanthemums mean everything and anything but as you inched closer to xiao, no longer needing the respectable boundary between your two hurt souls, chrysanthemums could only mean the memory of someone to be cherished even beyond what this life could offer.

it's a shame that you must limit your shared joys to optimistic wishes but it'll do. even if the afterlife didn't exist, your equal adoration for him would continue to persist even after your body perishes. it was a promise. one you sealed with the crown he hesitantly wore.

“don’t tie down your happiness to me, xiao,” you lean on his shoulder, smiling softly when he didn’t pull away, “you deserve more than that kind of joy.”

╰ taglist

@dourpeep @justsidecharacterthings @nightfloweruponahill @chichikoi @genshiningg @bloopsimpsforxiao @midnightraindropme @infinite-cats @horangheyy @zephestia @diaflower @justlynna

© 2021 𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐗𝐗. all rights reserved. do not copy, claim, repost or translate in any platforms but reblogs are appreciated.

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flowery conversations - xiao

summary; traveler meets an... interesting character..

genre; comedy, fluff, family fluff, xiao cannot handle you, platonic chaos, traveler can be either lumine or aether, dendro vision reader, zhongli is father i love him, mute! traveler canon <3, angst with traveler lol

[gender neutral reader]

word count; 643

a/n; i sort of just mushed these two requests together if that is okay, reader gender neutral in this

im so sorry that it's taken me so long to get to some more requests. i dont really have much of an excuse other than stress and depression lmao

anything traveler "says", they're just using sign <3

the traveler didn't know how they got in this situation nor did they want to know.

"hello traveler! i heard a lot about you!" you smile brightly at the honored traveler. "i heard you met my brother xiao!"

at that paimon exclaims, "xiao's your brother?!"

"yep! always has been! nothing changed since then! wouldn't say i miss the old times but zhongli was such a crazy father! it was a crazy time for everyone back then." you laughed heartily. "nice to meet you, traveler! were you looking for xiao?"

"yeah. we need to talk to him." they sign to you.

"hm? is that so? he doesn't really like talking to people. you must really be special after all!" you hummed, "let me lead the way then!" you started walking cheerily towards qingyun peak.

the traveler nods in acknowledgement, paimon floating around by their side while they notice the flowers blooming around a bit more brightly than usual. upon another look, they point the dendro vision on your waist. pointing it out, they earn a small smile from you, "yep! that's my vision. i wish i got a geo vision like morax but nonetheless i'm pretty thankful for this one! i can help xiao with it. but i can still kick ass too!" you laughed.

with an nice conversation between you and the two outlanders, you make it to the highest point in liyue. the beautiful view of all of liyue never fails to make you breathless (or maybe it was how high in the air was the reason for your breathlessness). "xiao! you have a visitor! it's me and traveler!" you wave your hand rapidly in excitement upon seeing your brother. you and traveler can hear xiao's heavy sigh before he turns to see you practically vibrating and ready to see xiao interacting with traveler.

it would be the few times you would see xiao willingly talk to someone that wasn't an adepti.

"what is it?" traveler soon explained a message they had gotten from zhongli, who was hoping to see you and xiao in just a few moments. traveler was thankful in knowing that xiao was here which would save themself some time as zhongli would be on his way to qingyun peak.

"dad is on his way here? can't wait to see him!" upon your excitement, anyone can see the spike of growth of plants around your feet. "also look at you xiao making a new friend! i'm so proud!" despite your words sounding so teasing, you meant it all. before xiao could reply with any sass or annoyance, you have your arms wrapped around him in a hug.

traveler can only watch with masked happiness and hidden pain. maybe one day they'll find their sibling.

pushing the thought away, they wave goodbye to you and xiao, you being the one to wave as xiao was stuck in your hold, arms bound to his sides.

bonus;

upon traveler leaving, zhongli had arrived not soon after, seeing the two of you watch the orange sky slowly turn dark.

"it's so pretty.."

"you say that everytime."

"because it's true! i like appreciating beauty!" a deep chuckle stops an upcoming argument. you gasp, quickly running over to zhongli and engulfing him in a hug, "dad! i missed you! xiao was bullying me!" you point at xiao, who merely stands there unimpressed with your accusation. zhongli hugs back, patting your head.

"i don't think that's quite the case there, dear. but shall i scold xiao for you?" he asked, amusement swimming in his eyes as your pleading ones meet them. you nodded before laughing.

"yes yes! you hear that xiao? dad is gonna scold you!" xiao can only sigh upon being teamed up by you and zhongli. the flowers bloomed a bit brighter as your laughter rings out in the night.

and when he leaves you in the dark. xiao x gn!reader. warnings: angst, xiao dies, 2.7 chasm update spoilers. wc: 1,906. semi proofread.

in each of xiao’s waking moments, he thinks of you.

he thinks of the sun rising in your eyes when you turn to look at him. he thinks of your smile brighter than the moonlight when you tell him about your day. he thinks of the warmth in your hands when you gently grab his own, tugging on him to lead the way.

and as his body grows weaker with each passing second from the fantastic compass, he thinks about you. as though his ears are filled with water, the loud yelling of yanfei and paimon is drowned away by his thoughts of you—it has always only been of you.

you always hated how self-sacrificial he was. your shoulders would slump when you’d hear him utter his thoughts and you’d angrily bite back your tears. you’d wrap your arms around his waist after and tell him it was all nonsense—that he still had you.

that should there come a day the stars will not align, xiao will still have you.

you would never miss the sudden look in his eyes, yet he smiles lightly and nods every time.

when the platform shatters and so does his mask, vanishing slowly as the strength in him dies a little more, xiao finally remembers what you had said to him before he left.

“come back home to me.”

you had been playing with his fingers when you spoke, not once looking up at him—missing the ghost of a smile on his lips. someone like you was too far for xiao to reach but still, he wallowed in your affection and surrendered himself fully.

you who has been blighted by someone like xiao, a demon who has slain thousands—mortals and gods alike. xiao wished back then that he had stayed away, kept to himself on the balcony of wangshu inn and never helped you with your problems.

for someone as awkward as him, xiao learned to breathe and love. love someone so different, someone who is not like him; and will never be like him. he learned to breathe you in as though you and he do not know where the two of you had begun and when you two had become whole.

“okay, i will,” xiao whispered that night. it was a promise to you and him—he’d come back home, safe and sound, to you.

then you looked up at him that time, smiling lightly as your eyes interlocked. you had noticed the fondness in his eyes, hand reaching up to cup his cheek. cute, you thought—but you’d never tell him that.

xiao supposes this would be the only time he has broken a promise to you. of the countless promises he had kept, this would be the only one he would have to break, whether he had a choice or not.

he staggers back, breath heavy and so is his body. they all look at him—yanfei, yelan, the traveler, paimon, and shinobu—with wide eyes as he stands weakly, eyes travelling towards the opening above them.

he would apologize if he could, take you once more into his arms and kiss your nose. he would apologize for everything he couldn’t have done with you and ask for your forgiveness. he knew you’d accept him as you always have.

xiao knows that his time is running out.

the color green engulfs his right hand as he balls it into a fist, knowing this would be his last act. heroic—he thinks, idiotic—you’d say. 

“i like the color green,” you told him once on a stroll.

xiao paused in his steps, turning to look at you with a raised brow. “green?” he repeated.

“yeah, i like it,” you hummed. “everything about you is green—you’re green.”

he didn’t know what it meant during that time, only that he knew you liked it because of him. xiao took every chance to take home every colored green object in sight when he would go out.

he brought a four-leaf clover once, hoping that it would bring you any luck compared to being with him. xiao left it on your hands with a shy smile as you stared at it with a smile.

everything else followed after that. xiao would grab a jade stone should he see one, a beautiful water lily when he passes by the lake, a green flower when it blooms at night.

when the sunset came and you laid your head on his shoulder by a tree trunk, xiao hesitantly asked, “why the color green?”

you didn’t move from your position, instead, you took a look at the setting sun. “i just like it,” you answered. “but, if you really want to know…”

xiao gazed at you, watching the way your lips would move, nose scrunch up when you smiled, and eyebrows moving when you spoke. he then glanced at the sky and the setting sun—it was pink and purple, something you always loved to stare at, even more than you loved the color green, that he knew.

“does that answer your question?” xiao blinked. ah, he didn’t listen.

“it does,” he said, hand slowly reaching towards yours, intertwining it with his. 

though he feels disappointed in himself for never hearing your answer, xiao realized there, you are more beautiful than the sun setting. should the sun itself disappear, xiao would follow you to the ends of the earth just to watch the sunset in your eyes.

this time, however, xiao understands why you like the color green—it symbolizes his protection. the color engulfs his companions, a bright light green that he knew would protect them and bring them to safety, and he knew that it would bring only them.

xiao watches as yelan reaches out to him, yelling something incoherent in his ears, then finally, they disappear and leave him on his own. 

the platform below him cracks and xiao falls.

he wonders what you would have said to him should you know he sacrificed himself for others—only this time, he isn’t coming back. it was his job, his duty—it was bound to happen at one point. it was something you always refused to accept, xiao shouldn’t have to bear the burden of others.

“you first before others,” you said one time. “why should you put your life on the line for them?”

it was in the contract—he would have said. but xiao was bound by no contracts (at least anymore), only his morals and his guilt. his sins were far greater than any living adeptus and he must suffer for all eternity for what he has done.

but you show him that he doesn’t have to bear the burden of others, that like everyone else, xiao is loved. and he is loved deeply and greatly by none other than you.

to others love may be a burning fire of desire, to know all of your deepest secrets, or kissing below the shade of the trees in spring and waiting for the flowers to fall. but for you, you show xiao that love to you is simply him.

and xiao knows that you love him more than you do yourself.

it’s only that xiao knows in himself that you are the epitome of love itself—and he will love you even until death.

“what are you holding?” you came up to him on a cold night by the balcony. the wind blew and howled, you shivered slightly as you make do with your hands rubbing your arms for any source of warmth.

xiao turned to you, holding a crystal-fly in his right hand. “i thought it would suit you,” he murmured, reaching out to tuck the piece in your hair. 

he gazed at you, a light smile on his lips as you touched the crystal-fly on your hair gently. xiao was right whenever it came to you—something he was always proud of, and the only thing he was proud of in himself.

“i love it,” you whispered.

“i love you,” xiao whispered back—barely audible but he knows you hear it, and wants only you to hear it.

[name], when tomorrow starts without me, i hope you feel relieved.

he has seen the mountains fall and the oceans rise, but xiao knows that he has loved only you, and forever will only be you. 

but i hope you know that i will love you even if there are no clouds in the sky and the setting sun has become dull in your eyes.

and as he falls into his doom, xiao remembers your smile, the crinkle of your eyes, the laugh you let out when he takes you too seriously, the warmth of your hugs, and the love that you brought him.

“what’s your favorite flower?” he had asked suddenly.

you thought for a few seconds as you say, “oh, i don’t know.”

xiao frowned.

“but if there was a flower like you, i would choose that one,” is what you said after.

you gave him a bright smile, laughing at your own words—still, they were true. wrapping your arms around his neck, he staggered backwards, holding your waist to steady the both of you. should there be a garden full of flowers, you would choose xiao again and again.

“that’s nonsense,” xiao clicked his tongue.

“huh? hey! i thought it was cute!”

his eyes shoot open.

for once in his life, xiao reaches up towards the small light and wishes it would grab him just as how you pulled him out of his misery.

what would you think?

what would you say?

what would you do when the news comes to you?

as he falls, tears spring to his eyes as he remembers you. the only person in his life who had shown him love. the only person who had cried when he came home with blood on him. the only person who he knows would be devastated when you find out the truth about what had happened to him.

if only xiao had stayed far away from you, it wouldn’t have ended up like this—you would not have to cry for him.

until xiao’s final moments, he thinks about you.

--

“i’m sorry, xiao has died.”

the smile on your face fades, handpicked qingxins now lay by your feet as your hands drop to your sides. verr goldet stands in front of you, a solemn look on her face—you watch her lips move but you could barely hear what she says.

xiao has died.

xiao has died?

you open your mouth to thank her for bearing you the news, but it stays open. there was nothing to say. she watches as you tremble, the gloss in your eyes fading—a look she had first seen on xiao when you had not come for a week.

with a shaky voice, you reply, “okay… thank you.”

you should have seen it coming; that one day, xiao would not return safely in your arms. the longer you stand in front of verr goldet, the heavier your body becomes, dragging you down as if it wishes to bring you with xiao himself. for now, you will weep for your dead lover.

you hope that in xiao’s final moments, he knows that should he and you walk this world once again with no remnants of each other, you will find him again and again.

notes i thought about xiao finally resting but wipee go down with me he worries about leaving you alone so in his last final moments he's desperately trying to cling onto whatever faith he has left in himself to go back to you but <3 he can't tada hehe also i hope the transitions are understandable as you can see the reader isn't with xiao in the chasm, so all you saw are xiao's memories with you just loving him or as i like to call it his life flashing before he dies :p i wrote this in one day i can't believe but i had to edit it a lot because my metaphors didn't seem right, i am not an english major so i am horrible at this

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Folly ✤ Scaramouche

A/N: This takes place in the same universe as 'Devilry' (aka the crackfic), where MC is the previous Sixth Harbinger dubbed as 'Mistress Fiore'.

✤ Mentions of death

✤ There's nothing wrong with indulging in dangerous follies every now and then, especially if that folly is nothing but that fascinating defector.

Words: 2.1k

Within the expanse of the temple draped in a frosty twilight gathers a handful of dignitaries, all with a single purpose; to grieve for the fallen.

Well, their grieving may be a tepid act—after all, one cannot overlook the possibility that their hearts are more bristling than mourning. The fact remains that it is still only a mere assumption, though.

Despite being... comrades in arms, not one of them truly knows what the other bears inside their chest. Aside from the obvious mutual belligerence, of course.

“Who invited the mistress here?”

The voice rises amid the frigid air, biting as though it carries frost in its tone.

Naturally, everyone's attention is piqued. It's a question that serves both to distract themselves from the loss of an ally and to ascertain the reason for the arrival of an unsought guest.

But is the aforementioned person truly uninvited?

“You wound me, can I not be present to send my own farewell to the Eighth?” you speak up with faux umbrage, stepping beyond the shadows of the pilasters.

Far from being disconcerted by the number of eyes nipping at your profile like tiny cicins, you lift your head, meeting the faces of those you previously deemed comrades. Now mere... 'acquaintances'.

“Besides, don't you think it's only expected for me to fill in the blank slot that the Balladeer left open for this moment?”

It isn't like you're going to take back the position afterward.

The knowing hum settles an air of brewing resignation, tinged with a bit of vexation that seems to come to the group naturally.

Tartaglia clicks his tongue from his place at the pews, voice amicably austere. “Calm down, it was I who invited Fiore.”

His answer dispels most of the lingering bafflement in the crowd and the ceremony carries on without delay and reluctance.

Although, you huff in disbelief. It's more of a business meeting than a funeral ceremony.

You decide not to speak against it, however, aware of your standing in the place. Instead, you've taken to observing the varying expressions on their faces. They're all so impervious as ever.

The plan not to opine fails later on though, following the ludicrous decree about the momentary pause of business and other affairs as well as Pantalone's opinion about it.

“Half a day's holiday?” you find yourself giggling, though it's crystal clear that you're far from being amused. “Careful, your gracious facade seems to be slipping, mister disingenuous mayor.”

Pulcinella crinkles his nose and adjusts his spectacles with a sigh.

“Hm, I'd rather not open my ears to the words of an ex-Harbinger. Do be content that we allowed you to stay.”

You whistle, finding no reason to deny the latter portion of his statements. It's irking how he seems to dismiss your previous rank as the Sixth and denigrate your current status, though.

As if sensing the subdued venom beginning to rise from your throat, another voice cuts in.

“Can you cease the farcical banter?” Arlecchino gives her fellow Harbinger a pointed stare, scrutiny evident in her eyes. “[Name] may no longer be in the official ranks, but she was the only one who ever sought camaraderie between you half-hearted dignitaries.”

Her concern for this shoddy, half-hearted excuse of a holiday is thus valid. Is the underlying message.

You cup your cheeks with a pleased smile, drawing out a long, grateful sigh. “My, thank you, lady Arle. Ever the justiciar.”

Her auxiliaries are anticipated, yes, but you didn't think she'd actually support you. But then again, she seems to be the only one who genuinely grieves the death of Signora. Apart from Pantalone and Pierro—and maybe even Tartaglia.

The Knave transfers her look towards you. It's nothing short of perfunctory, perhaps even a bit scunnered.

“That does not remove the fact that you are no longer one of us. You've only until the end of condolences before you are to leave.”

Of course.

“Oh, the woes of being unwanted!” you bemoan, holding your head for a melodramatic show.

You can tell that doing so has earned you a couple dirty looks and though you feel a tad awful—borderline catalyzing the enmity when again, this is no place to start a fight—you do not apologize.

Well, not to them.

It's an indecent, immoral act, but you like to believe that you're the lesser evil in the room.

With a step forward, you ascend a few inches into the air, moving past the Harbingers and hovering over the intricately gilded cenotaph. No one stops you.

Caressing the marble surface of the tomb makes you note how it's a lot colder than the atmosphere.

Unfitting for the Witch whose heart only knew how to be set ablaze.

But if you consider the Delusion she's been gifted, then it is appropriate; for a blazing heart to freeze and shatter, unable to rekindle its loving warmth.

“Looks like I am only as transient as a minute here, Rosalyne.” there is silence in the temple. Not one voice overpowers yours.

Maybe they have finally gotten self-conscious? It's funny to think that someone who is no longer a Harbinger is the first to send her farewell. What ridicule!

With a silent, single clap, you expel a breath and hum. Your time here is done—you'll have to thank Childe sometime for the official invitation.

Pierro is just about to say something- business talk, maybe. Whatever it is, it does not include you, and to be honest, you'd rather not be included, either.

You vanish into a myriad of snowflakes before anyone can raise a word, leaving only your final murmurs resonating within the temple.

“May your soul find peace in the embers of that which you burned.”

Your next destination leads you to the familiar lands of Liyue and to the terra that stretches past its borders.

The swift travel from the icy nation back to a more tropical one has depleted most if not all of your stamina, so you stayed at an inn for a little while to recuperate.

Although you do have an objective in mind, you aren't in a rush. It's safe to say that you are one step further than the Fatui Harbingers, hence the insouciance.

Besides, like some magical work of nature, you are far attuned to the presence you're seeking, so searching doesn't come off as difficult. In fact, you are able to find him merely two days after staying at Wangshu Inn.

Conspicuous even without trying to, the violets and reds of his attire are emphasized amid the drying greens of the environment. He's dwelling in discreet places, however, managing to shroud himself in the shadows and not make a sound.

Any traveler—not the blond one, though—will fail to see him. But unfortunately, he sticks out to you like a sore thumb.

“For once, you are trying to be discreet.”

The defector stills with a muted hiss, swift to register the arrival of someone as well as the lack of additional weight on his head.

His buttons are already pressed, but annoyance and genuine indifference aside, he's at least thankful that he's found by non-Fatui first.

“Mm, but the hat's still remarkably ostentatious, don't you think so?”

Not like being found by Harbingers poses that much of a problem, he'd simply fight them. That said, he's this close to flicking out his catalyst, too...

“Scaramouche.”

He doesn't, though, and decides to just humor the person who's managed to trace his steps from Inazuma.

Immediately, he meets a pair of gushed [c]s and the usual smile he's seen—unwillingly—far too many times to count. Clicking his tongue, he grumbles.

“Tsk, Fiore.”

No sort of communication has transpired between them in the past months, not after the research about the meteorites and the godawful luncheon shared between them along with Signora and Tartaglia.

So, he isn't going to lie and say that he's not surprised to see her in front of him.

'Fiore' sighs hyperbolically, the theatrical action quick to make the man roll his eyes. He expected nothing less.

She starts with a spin, showing off her apparel that although carried a few similarities from her previous Harbinger attire, looked more... liberated.

In the sense that it's unique, a style that screamed 'Fiore' instead of the nations in Teyvat.

“You misunderstand, Balladear, I'm not Fiore, but [Name]. I'm a free woman. I'm in no organizations.”

That's new, for the last time he saw her, she was still rather attached to the organization. Or perhaps that's her way of supervising him, the one who had taken her place.

He must've been scrutinizing her appearance with a silence that lacked his usual aggro—because before he knows it, the lady leans forward with a wink.

It sends a chill down his back.

“Nor in any relationships, if you catch my drift.”

Bitter Archons above-

“Get the hell out of my sight.” Scaramouche snarls with pinched brows, turning away in disgust after snagging his hat back.

He really doesn't know what else to expect of her, but he's a little relieved that she hasn't grown out of that preposterous charm of hers. Still devilishly annoying, but he's not one to talk.

Uninterested in the laughter that rings behind him, he continues his trek toward the neighboring nation of Sumeru. At the moment, there's nothing but the crucial need to get away.

An impossible thing—for the Fatui always manages to catch up, he knows that better than anyone—but that's a headache for another day.

He already has one just seeing this woman and the humid air is not helping alleviate it. Sweat is rolling down his temples and it's only the nice cover of his hat that prevents him from melting into mush under the raging sun.

A cold gust of wind blows through him, the discordant chill amid the otherwise dry area implying that it was done with the use of both a Vision and Delusion.

Perceptive as always, that girl.

“The Tsaritsa is rather upset, you know?” she calls, voice steadily growing closer.

He was about to address her use of Anemo and Cryo—maybe slot in an impossible thanks—but that's thrown out of his mind a second later.

The Tsaritsa?

Huffing, he doesn't bother stopping and facing her, wary of his growing headache 'cause damn. “Two-faced liar, so you were with them.”

“To pay respects,” the response is quick, as though his censures were foreseen. “Signora was a nice comrade. A little haughty, but nice.”

Nice. Scaramouche almost laughs. Signora, nice.

Perhaps her competency with taking the Queen's piece, yes.

But only someone with a loose screw can ever describe the pile of ash as nice, but then again, this is [Name]. If devilish isn't her middle name, then perhaps eccentric is.

“They will be coming after you. You are aware of that, aren't you?”

Exasperating works, too.

“What do you take me for? An idiot?” he finally stops, unable to hide the offense on his face as he swivels with a glare.

Is he being disparaged? Him?

The venom on his tongue is milliseconds away from coating the words he's about to convey, but he receives an answer before he can do so.

“A renegade with a bounty over his head heading to Sumeru. I hope you weren't blinded by what you sought.” [Name] answers with a shrug, her pretty [c]s fixated on the glimmer of violet peeking behind the overlays of fabric.

On the defensive, Scaramouche lifts a hand to cover the glow of the Electro Archon's Gnosis. He does this even though he's aware that [Name] has no intention of stealing it from him.

In any case, she's much more likely to steal his damned hat again.

He scoffs once more. “I'm none of your business.”

Leave me alone.

The message needn't be said when it's already so obviously implied.

Having uttered what he wanted, he resumes his pace, thinking of feasible plans for the coming few days. He has no doubts that a Harbinger is going to be sent after him.

Eyes forward, he walks with his chin tipped high, confident and unfaltering of what lies ahead. There is nothing to fear, nothing to be bewildered over.

The macabre art of war comes to him naturally and there aren't any qualms about death, he is used to such things. But if there is one thing he isn't used to, then...

“Do you have a death wish?” he halts and asks this, genuinely lost in a confusion that he won't admit out loud.

Only the sound of his feet against the terra is heard a minute ago, but he isn't oblivious to the following figure at his back, levitating as always. Nonchalant as she can possibly be.

“What you're doing is nothing but utter folly.”

Why are you still here?

He doesn't even need to turn around to see [Name] shrug. As if she isn't at all deterred by the fact that she can die if she continues to follow him.

“I know.” she answers, sounding insanely delighted.

Scaramouche clicks his tongue again.

If there's anything he isn't accustomed to, then it is the devilish [Name].

“You're mad.”

Only a giggle answers his words as he begins to walk again, making no move to stop her any longer and letting her float around him with a bunch of jests rolling past her tongue.

He's irked, but that's alright.

He's fond of pretty and exasperating devils, anyway.

a/n: mm, nothing like scara pretending not to care that mc decided to stick with him when in fact he's actually all "aw ye" about it deep down lmao

@cherryflushz @e7t3 @scarlet-halos @lordbugs @nebulaera @annoying-and-upset @hanniejji @applepi1415 @tjjjrsj @azirajane @hey-comrade-hold-stil @limelightsuperhero @chloeloe @loptido @windyventi @nejibot @ganyuqrt @justrinnn @yasunamilk @alana5021

AAAAAH THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!!!!!!!! But it’s done!!!!!!!!! ngl I started thinking about my grandmas when I was painting Yumie n started tearing up a lil :’) 💚💙💚💙

*Sanzu, trying to log in to his Instagram account*

Instagram: type password

Sanzu: password

Instagram: your password is incorrect

Sanzu: incorrect

Koko, besides him noticing what’s going on:

Koko: sanzu you dumb shit-

lights, camera, action!

premise. in which you get yourself involved in a lot of unscripted drama. (genshin celebrity au.)

includes. xiao, childe, albedo, ayato, scaramouche, thoma & kazuha.

next episode. unavailable.

note. i surprised myself with how much plot this actually has.

零 ; you, the typecasted “passerby a”

the path to stardom is an arduous journey, but you've already abandoned your dreams not even halfway down the road.

you are far from the fresh newbie you once were. maybe you hoped to be famous at some point, your name sung in ardent praises and joint with stellar performances, but you've never received major roles that strayed from “classmate b” or “the protagonist's best friend” who only ever appears to give advice.

the closest you've been to getting a main character role is being part of the second pairing of a cheesy romance drama that never became a hit, a series with a generic plot and a bland cast of no name actors.

but you can't deny the spark of hope lighting your heart when you receive word of an audition for an upcoming drama adaptation of a well-loved webtoon series, a series you are an avid fan of. it's a murder mystery following a genius detective striving to solve a serial killings cold case, with snippets of romance and the occasional comedy, grim as the premise may be.

once the drama adaptation was confirmed, it quickly became a hot topic; fans are anticipating the casting and filming crew, expecting nothing less of perfection to honor the brilliant source material. by all accounts, it's big news, and snagging even a minor role would definitely earn you more recognition.

if you're chosen to act as the victim in the first murder, you would already be beyond satisfied—being part of such a masterpiece is enough to make you overjoyed. you don't have too high hopes but there's no harm in trying for the audition, right?

yes. no harm at all.

that's if you don't count the brain damage you suffered when your head slammed against the wall from complete shock as you received an e-mail from the staff confirming your admittance to the project.

as the protagonist's love interest, no less—a journalist investigating the serial murders to enact revenge on their younger brother's stead, the third victim in the killings.

一 ; xiao, the celebrity crush

acting practice is generally considered a casual affair in every project you've taken on, yet you couldn't help but spend hours trying to make yourself look presentable (and avoid looking like a beggar compared to your shining idols when you stand side by side). you may be a tad bit overdressed, but you'd hate to make a fool out of yourself on day one.

except that is exactly what you do. because you're a walking disaster.

in your defense, it's not even your fault! the moment you step foot in the venue, you're ushered by the staff to a row of waiting rooms... without any nameplates attached by the doors and no indication of where you're supposed to go. left with no other choice, you mentally count eeny meeny miny moe and surge forward for the chosen room.

you can't tell if you're tremendously lucky or the most unfortunate person on earth, but you come face to face with a person you never thought you'd see in the flesh.

the thing is, the staff never informed you of your future colleagues. the casting is a well-kept secret, even from the actors themselves, to prevent information leaks to the media before the official announcement.

you really wish you had time to prepare yourself before you had to meet xiao, though.

he's lounging by the sofa, curls of dark hair sprawled on the cushions. his face is obscured by an eye mask, fashioned in a cute design you wouldn't expect him to take an interest in at all. if you took a picture of him right now and printed them as merchandise, you're sure they'll sell like hotcakes, but a selfish part of you wants to keep this sight to yourself.

yes, because... because you've been crushing on him since forever!

you've seen his growth as an actor as far back as five years ago, when he only just started his career! he made the perfect mysterious pretty boy male lead, and the romance film he starred in was such a good classic! but he didn't get typecasted, no no. he went beyond his pretty boy persona to work in other productions, where he acted as the crazed antagonist in a horror movie. that, too, eventually became a classic film for any horror movie fan. his murderous glare is just too damn scary!

he's excellent in action-packed movies as well, there's never a need for stunt doubles with him. you've seen his behind the scene clips, and they're just awesome. he doesn't speak much in interviews, his replies clipped and hardly substantial, but you try to catch each piece of precious footage.

oh fuck i shouldn't be here. you snap back to your senses and reach for the doorknob, but the creaking sound of the door prompts xiao to twitch.

a pale hand drags down the eye mask to his chin, and his dazed golden eyes pin you in place.

“...who are you?”

it's a simple question, but it's like you're trying to prove your innocence to court. you begin to ramble, introducing yourself in a series of stutters, and explaining how you got to his room. you insist you aren't there to peep on him and it was a complete accident.

“...so you entered my room by mistake,” xiao summarizes your ten paragraphs-worth of explanation into a single concise sentence. he doesn't look angry, but doesn't look pleased by your presence either. “it's fine. i could guess the staff was too busy to show you your room.” he sits up properly, fixing his hair messy from his nap. “you're the journalist, right? i look forward to working with you.”

rather than a job, filming feels more like a reward. you get to see xiao everyday, get to talk to xiao even if it's just you commenting on the weather, get to eat with him in lunch breaks (you're seven seats away from him but that counts, right?) and get to act alongside him-

and xiao is the second male lead. you get to act romantic scenes with him. you get to act lovey-dovey with xiao in a police uniform because he's a policeman in this show.

each brush of your hands together sends your heart racing in a speed too fast to be healthy, but as an actor, you're expected to keep your composure and deliver your lines properly.

(the makeup artist is always wondering why you look so red on screen when she swears she didn't put much blush on you, though.)

“don't you need to ask something of me?”

you blink innocently as you peel off the heavy costume, the last scene for the day finally wrapped up. xiao must be feeling hot too because he's also wearing a huge coat in the middle of summer—his face is beet red.

“ask you for something...?” your cheeks burn bright. “oh no, was i too obvious?”

xiao awkwardly looks away. “you could say that.”

how mortifying! you fan your face, hoping your makeup isn't too melted. you already feel like an idiot, no need to look like one.

but xiao already thinks you're stupid. no turning back now.

“o... okay... since the cat is out of the bag, then...” you pull out a pen and a piece of paper, holding it out to him. “please give me your autograph!”

“...what.”

“i've been your fan for the last five years! i don't know who ratted me out, actually i'm about 87% sure it's childe, but since you know-”

“wait- what? five years?”

“.........if that's not what you're talking about, then what is?”

“no, i thought you wanted me to ask me ou-”

he seals his lips at the most crucial moment, horrified at himself. “sorry. i'll ask you another time.”

... and then he walks away. just like that.

“xiao, what about my autograph?!”

“forget it!”

“why all of a sudden?!”

二 ; childe, the scandal magnet

notorious for the massive number of scandals under his belt, it's a surprise to find ajax (with a stage name of childe) in the set of this major production. you're advised by your manager to steer clear of him and avoid unnecessary contact to prevent sullying your reputation, but you can't deny his acting prowess—he shines on the stage, a performance you can't tear your eyes away from.

he's incredibly versatile, capable of taking on any role and absorbing the character to make it come to life, almost as if he is its incarnation.

it starts as a simple game before actual practice, each actor asked to draw lots from pieces of paper scribbled with different roles, and given an accompanying script to base off of.

everyone laughs when childe, ironically enough, draws the “womanizer who cheats on his lover.”

unfortunately, you couldn't laugh along with them because you picked the “lover” role. your incredible (read: atrocious) luck astounds you.

it goes just about as well as everyone expects it. childe, seemingly in his element, plays the part of a perfect scumbag. it's easy to hate him like this, all flamboyant gestures and empty promises of “you are my one and only.” his performance inspires you to try harder, and so you raise your voice, your passionate screams of indignance almost sounding heart-felt, like you truly are experiencing a severe betrayal.

when childe sweeps you into his arms, whispering platitudes dripping with honey, you're nearly fooled into forgiving him.

it's hard to get yourself out of the role when the director ends the scene, satisfied with the act. childe's expression returns to its usual lazy grin, a far cry from the smug smirk prior, and he pats your head to wake you up. “nice work. i really felt like i was getting scolded by an angry girlfriend.”

dazzled by his brilliance, you barely have enough coherence to return the compliment.

your awe doubles when he performs his next act.

much to xiao's horror, he picks the “dying younger brother” role, a direct accompaniment to childe's “grieving older brother.” they make an... interesting pair, but they're also professionals, and the scene they perform almost makes you weep real tears.

xiao lays limp on the floor like a lifeless doll, and childe cradles him to his chest, delivering his lines with sobs and cries that sound too real to be an act. his heart-wrenching wails bounce from the walls, going straight to strike your heart. his voice cuts through the air, demanding your attention, as if telling you to keep your eyes on him and to never look away.

it's nothing like the sleazebag character he was playing twenty minutes ago, and you have to remind yourself your scripts are only given once you've drawn lots; he had a maximum of five minutes to read through it, process the information, decide how to deliver his lines, and visualize himself performing it in the best way possible.

like this, he doesn't look at all like the scandalous man everyone makes him out to be. he's just an earnest man who's good at pretending to be someone else.

it's terrifying to think about. did he ever act like his true self when the cameras stopped rolling, then? was he just playing the part of a “good co-worker” when he was talking to you earlier? was the whole “scandalous womanizer” image something he set up for himself? a reputation he deliberately made to attract the media's attention? it isn't unusual for actors to cause drama as a publicity stunt, after all.

no, that doesn't make sense. no matter how desperate, nobody would like bad rumors circulating about them. as much as your name is spread around, it also goes hand in hand with distasteful gossip. childe is plenty famous, even before the scandals began popping up, so he never really needed them and they would only further ruin his image...

...on the contrary, if there's anyone getting famous from those scandals, it's...

...the girls he supposedly hooked up with?

rather than making those scandals for fame, doesn't it make more sense if those girls fabricated stories and took advantage of his reputation?

it's no secret that meddlesome paparazzi and hardcore fans obsessively pry into celebrities' personal lives. if they sniff a hint of dating scandals, they don't stop digging. furthermore, once the media releases information to the public, people will take it as fact. in actuality, it doesn't matter what's true or not; what the public wants to believe becomes the “truth.”

if the people deemed it plausible, if they thought “childe would definitely do something like this, so of course if the girl says they hooked up in the dressing room, they did”...

...even if childe denied those claims, nobody would believe him. not even you. you didn't think about it until now. in fact, at the very beginning, you already had assumptions about him, devouring the media's lies.

childe laughs when you apologize to him. it was certainly a shock when you suddenly knocked on his door, then the instance he opened it, you began to bow deeply, nearly slamming your forehead to his chest.

“i'm used to it, don't worry.” he smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. “you were so stiff around me, it was pretty obvious what you thought of me. but you didn't have to apologize.”

“no, i do! i was being disrespectful!” you insist, taking him by surprise when you grab the lapels of his jacket. “you're nothing like what they say! i'm sure you've been through a lot just because everyone keeps saying whatever they want, without thinking of your feelings... and everyone laughed that one time we played the acting game... i... i can't take back the time i've spent being suspicious of you, but i want to change that!” you stare directly at his widened eyes, determined. “i want to know you better, ajax!”

the use of his real name stuns him and for a moment, all he can do is gape at you.

then he narrows his eyes, his lips shaping to a firm line, and he tugs you inside the room.

a yelp unwittingly escapes your mouth when you're pressed against the door, his arms caging either side of you. his expression is unfamiliar now, unlike anything you've ever seen before; uncharacteristically stern, harsher around the edges, spiteful gaze boring holes into your skull.

“you want to know me better... some pretty words you just said. what do you actually want?”

your breath hitches when his hand caresses your cheek, but the striking glare he's giving you makes you think he wants to sink his nails deep into your skin instead.

“this isn't the first time someone tried to approach me, you know. what, you want to be friends with me? you're going to ask if i can invite you to my house? then you're going to tell people how i took advantage of you while you were sleeping?”

“what- no! of course not!” you yell, face heating up just by the thought of it. “nevermind lying to the media, i don't have the guts to sleep over a guy's house i barely even know!”

his expression falls to a deadpan. “oh. my bad. you're quite pure, aren't you. of course you wouldn't.”

“that's what makes you believe me?!”

the arms caging you falls to his sides as he walks away, leaving you dumfounded. “right, right, sorry for scaring you. can't you let me off easy? it's pretty hard to trust someone when you're in my position. if i treat you to dinner, will you forgive me?”

“i... i came here with good intentions... now i feel as though i was harassed...”

his usual smile falls on his face, like he's a completely different person from the man who trapped you just seconds prior. “what do you think about seafood? i'll let you eat as many crabs as you like. i really am sorry, promise. if you were saying the truth earlier, then i'd be glad to know you better too, [name].”

you give him a look. “...if they saw us entering a restaurant together, wouldn't that attract rumors?”

“hm? is everyone so narrow-minded they think anyone who eats together is in an illicit relationship?”

the answer is no, so you eat as much crabs and shrimp as you want to your heart's content. you're getting your food's worth for that fright he caused earlier. childe isn't complaining anyway, only impressed with how much dishes you're practically inhaling.

in any case, it isn't a date. there is no ambience or heart-pounding romance of any sort. not when you're overtly taking advantage of his money and childe's taking ugly pictures of you mid-bite.

but then, of course, the media takes note of it; the topic of your outing is brought up at an interview, to which you fret and panic because you were never popular enough to be interviewed before, and they're asking if you're fucking childe, of all things-

“what are you talking about?” childe pops up behind you, unhelpfully wrapping an arm around your shoulders as if he wants to add fuel to the fire. he chuckles, tilting your chin to lean closer to his face. “i'm just pursuing [name]. nothing's happened yet. unless [name] wants to...”

you take it back. he's definitely at fault for having this many scandals.

三 ; albedo, the male lead

the first day of rehearsals, the protagonist of the drama isn't even there.

to your astonishment, nobody complains about it. twenty minutes into practice (most scenes skipped due to the protagonist's absence), the director gets a call and excuses himself outside. less than a minute after, he informs everyone the star of the show won't be able to make it.

the actors trade unsure looks, wondering what the hell is going on, but the rest of the staff remain unfazed. the director notices and explains, “it's albedo. his busy schedule can't be helped. his manager called me to let me know his flight got delayed.”

and then it makes much more sense.

albedo is well-renowned in the film industry, an extraordinary talent who first came into showbiz three years ago. it's not at all a long time, but it's long enough for him to receive countless awards and bountiful movie offers—he was just born for the stage. if anything, this drama is lucky to have him in it, not the other way around. a late arrival for a rehearsal is nothing. he could probably disappear for two months without telling anybody and when he comes back, the director would beg him to act for the drama for twice the pay. (an exaggeration, but you get the point.)

and... you're expected to partner with him? you? a speck of dust compared to the sun that is albedo? you have to match his brilliance and not look like a turd beside him on screen? you have to be equals with him and- and you actually get to- you get to hold hands with him, kiss him, and- those couple stuff? everything? his fans would murder you if your mother doesn't kill you first! you know she likes his movies a lot!

the fourth day of rehearsals, he finally comes to the set. not with an air of arrogance or excessive pride. he just exudes confidence, strutting to the room in an elegant poise you can't hope to replicate. he gives his sincere apologies for the inconvenience to the staff, all polite bows and offer of recompense.

“but there's no reason to worry,” he declares, gaze steely. “i won't make any more trouble for you.”

he refuses when the director suggests taking it slowly and instead goes straight to practice. but it doesn't look like he needs any of it at all.

as if he's been here all along, he falls into place with the other actors, not a single awkward pause in their scripted conversations and everything smooth sailing. he delivers a flawless performance, like the cameras are already rolling and he's practiced for tens of thousands of times already, not read through a portion of the script in the car ride towards the set.

there is one thing he's struggling with, however.

“you're too stiff with each other,” the acting coach comments, frowning slightly at the two of you and cutting the scene short. “rather than bickering, it's like you're actually arguing, and that's not what we want to portray.”

you blink, exchanging a look with albedo, and look down at his collar you're still gripping.

maybe you do look like you're trying to strangle him instead of pulling him closer to your face for some good ol' sexual tension.

originally, the characters you play didn't get along well in the beginning of the webtoon; the genius detective didn't like to rely on others, conceited enough to believe he can solve the case on his own, hence seeing the journalist as a hindrance since they kept pestering him to let them help him, and he help them in turn so they could work together. the detective didn't deem them “useful” for the investigation, and it was only much later that he (begrudgingly) admitted the journalist can be helpful... sometimes. thus officially starting their partnership for the investigation, and later on, partners in the romantic sense.

there were quite a lot of bickering scenes before the actual romance commenced, and you're struggling with finding a delicate balance to that—where exactly do you draw the line between petty squabbles and severe disputes? how do you show the chemistry between these two characters while butting heads in every instance? the enemies to lovers trope is harder to act than it seems.

“try to get familiar,” the director suggests. “you're stiff because you don't know each other well. you're too shy to touch or get closer. why not leave early and go on a little date by yourselves to fix that?”

“is that really okay...?” you say, unsure. besides being hesitant to leave earlier than the rest, you're also nervous to be alone with your co-actor.

“if he says it's fine, then it's fine.” albedo shrugs, starting to walk towards the dressing room and tugging you along. “but if we're going outside, we should wear disguises. it's also fine if we borrow some of your clothes, right?”

“of course, of course~” the director indulges him. “have fun, kiddos.”

as it turns out, albedo is a master of disguise. he doesn't even have a wig or anything but you almost can't recognize him clad in casual attire. he also almost looks like a stylist while figuring out what outfit to give you, and you're left in awe when you look at yourself in the mirror wearing clothes you wouldn't normally pick out yourself but they look really, really good on you, and they do a good job changing your image too. not that you think anybody would recognize you anyway, unpopular and all.

“where do you want to go?” you trail after him on the way to the bus station, always a step or two behind. albedo makes a humming noise, subtly slowing his pace to match your strides.

“why not just go wherever our feet takes us?” he pipes up. “as long as it's not teeming with people, of course.”

so with zero preparation at all, you do just that. you stop by a bookstore, with you showing him around the comics section and him adamantly insisting the plain hard-cover literature he's picking up is a thrilling epic that will definitely pique your interest, [name] stop yawning-

you pay a visit to the arcade, where you find albedo is clumsy with his feet and can't play dance dance revolution to save his life, but also unnecessarily adept with claw machines because he has a little sister who loves getting stuffed toys. you compete over who gets the most points in the basketball game to decide who pays for dinner, end up in a tie, and move on to a zombie shooting game. you win by a narrow margin and albedo tells you so, but you point a finger at the results and tell him to cough up the cash. then you play around in the photo booth using the craziest filters, and you take the liberty of pasting stickers everywhere.

dinner is a simple affair. albedo looks ready to go to some michelin star establishment but you introduce him to a sushi restaurant that's relatively cheap. he's impressed by the way you swipe at the conveyor belt so quickly. okay, so you may look like an utter glutton right now, but it's fine. not the first time you embarrassed yourself in front of a co-actor.

lastly, you stop by an ice cream shop to get gelato. your appetite is “awe-inspiring,” as albedo put it, but you argue there's always room for dessert.

“will this actually help us, though...?” you sigh, eating a spoonful of gelato. “i don't understand the difference between bickering and arguing.”

“we've done it the whole day,” albedo reminds you, using a tissue to clean the residue of cream on your cheek. “we'll do just fine.”

you stare at him in disbelief. “...is this also one of your habits from taking care of your sister?”

“ah. you could say that.”

just as albedo said, filming goes a lot more smoothly. the playful air is a huge improvement compared to last time when they said you looked ready to beat him to submission. the romantic tidbits are coming along well, too, spun between action-packed scenes where you're pressed against albedo in a slim locker to hide from the murderer lurking nearby or sweet slice of life moments outside of the investigation.

at last, the confession scene is upon you. just a while back, the two main characters got into a full-blown argument; the detective was irritated by the lack of progress in the investigation, and deduced his feelings were distracting him. he decided to keep the journalist at arm's length, never allowing them to go close. of course, they didn't react well to this, and so they pester him again, but the argument became heated and it eventually peaked to “you're an inconvenience to me!” which led them to separate ways.

the journalist, desperate to solve the case on their own, approached people who seemed to be in the know. they were nearly pulled into bed by an attractive yet suspicious man, who's genuinely interested in the journalist romantically and used intel on their younger brother's murder as leverage, but they get interrupted by the detective pounding on the door.

he dragged the journalist out, thoroughly upset at the notion of selling themself, but they deny the accusations and claim they were tricked.

the argument stretched longer, the both of them airing out everything they dislike about the other, but the detective accidentally slipped and confessed his real feelings. the journalist, who never thought of him that way, was frozen on the spot.

it's a long scene requiring much preparation. aside from the amount of lines you have to memorize, there's also a hotel suite you have to borrow for the shoot, the cameras they need to set for the “dragging” scene that has a lot of movement, the really awkward half-bedroom scene you have to act with your co-actor, and the fact that you have to take the confession scene before the sun completely set.

it's truly a busy day. anxiety plagued you the moment you came out of the makeup room, knowing what comes next.

but it's a job, and one especially you couldn't afford to slack on. the kind-of-but-not-really-bedroom scene goes without a hitch, but albedo interrupts you a tad bit too early; the top of your shirt is barely unbuttoned but he's already storming in, ripping you out of the other man's grasp.

the director doesn't chide him for it however, and he drags you out of the hotel as planned. you're a bit frazzled by the suddenness of it all, clothes still rumpled, but it adds on to your acting and your stuttering questions make the scene look more natural.

albedo's fury seeing you in such a disheveled state seems almost genuine, too.

“why are you acting like this?!” you pull your wrist away in an effort to make him let go, as described in the script, but albedo refuses to. an improvisation, perhaps? but now of all times...? “you didn't care about me before! are you trying to be nice now? didn't you say you were sick of putting up with me? you hated me for being stupid, right? guess what, then! i was stupid enough to get almost taken advantage of! if you're just going to lecture me, let go. i don't want to hear any of it. i already know how much of a fool i am.”

you're supposed to back away now, but he doesn't let you do that either. for one step backward, he takes two forward, nose nearly brushing with yours in the close proximity. your face heats up in a combination of confusion and embarrassment, your ears barely registering his lines.

“...never listen to me. you always go off on your own and i still think you're a reckless idiot. you're noisy and brash and you annoy me to no end,” he says in one breath, staring deeply into your eyes. “but seeing you with someone else annoys me even more. to the point i'd abandon everything just to get you back.”

“w...” your throat is incredibly dry. “why would you...”

“whether i like it or not, you've become important to me. i love your stupid laugh and your stupid smile. i love the way you look at me, and i don't want you to look at anyone else. you drive me crazy when you put yourself in danger because i don't want to lose you. i want you so badly that i want you to only think about me, spend time only with me, only love me. i-”

you're fairly certain this is nowhere near his lines in the script.

“i love you so much that it scares me.” his voice trembles as his hand lifts to cup your face, something that finally bears semblance to the original scene. “it was wrong of me to say those horrible things. not just last time. i've been terrible to you, and no amount of apologies can make up for it. but i ask only one more chance.”

his finger hovers at the corner of your lip.

“[name], won't you only look at me?”

you gape like a fish out of water, unable to reply. you're trying to remember your lines, flipping through the mental script in your head, but the director's “cut!” pulls you back to reality.

albedo blinks, getting himself out of the role, and he lets go of you reluctantly, the heat of his fingers lingering on your skin.

“the scene was good, but you said the wrong name.” the director laughs. “it's alright. we can still shoot where we last left off. return to your positions.”

as told, you go back to your previous position. you give a furtive glance at albedo, whose cheeks flare in humiliation. he's probably never done such a rookie mistake before. there's no reason to be that flustered about it; you've made the same error plenty of times.

“i apologize. i won't do it again next time.”

(if he's going to confess, the least he can do is make his own lines for the occasion.)

next episode ; unavailable. preview →

四 ; ayato, the cannon fodder

五 ; scaramouche, the best friend

六 ; thoma, the former male lead

七 ; kazuha, ???

this scene exists:

takemichi:

thinking about scaramouche team dynamics ft scarabedo