Jeonghannie4eva - YJh04

my life so private, he doesn't even know that we're married

another one of my favorite panels UFGHUGHUGHHHHHHH

"𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭"

inspired by the official art of isagi, rin, and kaiser from chapter 287 + ofc the song "killshot" by magdanela bay!

ft. yoichi isagi, rin itoshi, michael kaiser

a/n: takes place during the edo period! isagi has guns because he had connections to foreigners. additionally, i'm sorry that the header images are kinda blurry :(

tw: blood and killing.

𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

the village lay nestled between rolling green hills, where the scent of cherry blossoms and fresh tea leaves drifted in the air. life moved slowly here, untouched by the battles and bloodshed beyond its borders. it was in this quiet haven that a lone samurai arrived one evening, his presence sending ripples through the peaceful town. 

samurai! isagi was infamous, a warrior whose name was spoken in hushed tones. a master of his craft, undefeated, unrelenting. his body bore the scars of countless battles, his guns hung at his side like an extension of his very soul. the villagers avoided his gaze, slipping behind doors and whispering as he passed. 

all but one. 

you, a young woman who worked at her family’s humble tea shop, did not cower or tremble at the sight of him. instead, you met his gaze with open curiosity, your eyes warm like golden sunlight filtering through the leaves. 

that night, when he stepped into your shop, you greeted him with a small smile, unfazed by his reputation. you served him a cup of tea, your hands steady as you placed it before him. “it’s on the house,” you said simply. 

samurai! isagi, accustomed to war and wary stares, found himself at a loss. he lifted the cup, inhaling the fragrant steam, and took a sip. the warmth seeped into his bones, something unfamiliar stirring in his chest. 

he returned the next night. and the night after that. 

at first, he told himself it was only the tea – how it soothed him, how it was unlike anything he had tasted before. but soon, he realized it was not the tea that drew him back. it was you. 

he began to notice the way your lips curved when you smiled, the way your sleeves fluttered as you worked, the quiet hum of your voice when you thought no one was listening. he was a man who had lived by weapons, who had long accepted that love was not meant for men like him. yet, he found himself lingering in your presence, aching for every fleeting moment the two of you shared. 

one evening, as the last lanterns flickered against the deep indigo sky, he found you outside the shop, gazing up at the cherry blossoms swaying in the breeze. 

“the wind carries them away so easily,” he murmured, his voice quieter than he intended. 

you turned to him, plucking a single petal from his shoulder. “some petals may be carried away,” you said, fingers brushing lightly against his clothes. “but others fall right where they belong.” 

his breath caught. 

for the first time in his life, he felt truly unarmed, not by steel, but by something much softer, much more dangerous. he reached for your hand, hesitated, then took it gently in his own. his fingers, rough and calloused from years of battle, trembled against your warmth. 

“have i fallen here?” he asked, his voice raw with something unfamiliar. 

you smiled, a quiet knowing in your gaze. “stay,” you whispered. “and you will know.” 

and for the first time, samurai! isagi, who had spent his life wandering, finally found a reason to stop. 

BONUS: 

the nights grew longer, and so did his visits. it was no longer just the tea he came for, it was your laughter, the way your voice softened when you spoke his name, the way your presence filled the emptiness inside him. 

one night, as rain drizzled gently against the rooftop, you invited him inside. not as a feared warrior. but simply as a man. 

you led him to your room, where the candlelight cast golden hues against the wooden walls. he stood there, unsure, hesitant. no battlefield had ever made him feel so vulnerable. you stepped closer, your delicate fingers reaching for the ties of his upper garments. 

“let me take this weight from you,” you whispered. 

piece by piece, you unfastened the ties. beneath his uniform, his body was strong, marked with old wounds, scars that told stories of survival, pain, and solitude. you traced them with gentle fingers, your touch soft where the world had only been cruel. 

his breath hitched as you pressed your palm to his bare chest, feeling the steady, powerful beat of his heart. no one had ever touched him like this, not with reverence, not with tenderness. 

“you are beautiful,” you murmured, your eyes drinking him in. 

his throat tightened. “i am not,” he said hoarsely. “i am only a man who has known war.” 

“and now,” you whispered, guiding his hand to your own racing heartbeat, “you will know something else.” 

your lips met his, soft and seeking. he immediately melted into you, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you flush against him. you fit so perfectly against his body, as if you had been waiting for him all along. his hands traced the curve of your back, memorizing every inch, every breath, every sigh that escaped your lips. 

you led him down, onto the futon, where the world outside ceased to exist. here, there was no war or bloodshed, only the warmth of your skin beneath his fingers, the way your body welcomed him, the way you whispered his name as if it were something sacred. 

for the first time, he was not a warrior, nor a legend whispered in fear. he was simply a man, undone by love. 

and beneath the sound of the rain and the scent of falling cherry blossoms, samurai! isagi knew… he had finally found a place to belong.

𝐫𝐢𝐧

the streets of edo were never quiet. even at night, the city pulsed with life. paper lanterns swayed in the breeze, the scent of grilled fish and incense mingled in the air, and laughter spilled from sake houses. 

but in the narrow alleys beyond the main roads, in the places where the light barely reached, death walked unseen. 

assassin! rin was known only as the destroyer. an assassin without mercy. his katana was swift, his presence fleeting. he came and went like a shadow, leaving nothing but silence in his wake. no one sought him out. no one dared to. 

except you. 

you were a florist’s daughter, tending to your father’s tiny shop at the edge of the yoshiwara district. a place where courtesans laughed behind painted fans, where samurai shed their honor for a night of pleasure. yet, among the fleeting indulgences of men, your flowers remained constant – simple, beautiful, untouched by the chaos around them. 

assassin! rin first saw you one evening, just before the rain. he had finished a job, blood still cooling on his blade. as he slipped through the streets unseen, he caught sight of you arranging delicate plum blossoms outside the shop. 

your hands moved with quiet precision, handling each petal with care, as if they were something precious. something fragile. 

he should have kept walking. he always did. but that night, as the rain began to fall, he lingered under the shop’s awning. you looked up, surprised to see a lone figure standing there, his hood drawn low, his eyes unreadable. 

“you’ll get sick,” you said gently. 

he did not answer. he never spoke to strangers. 

but then, you turned, stepped inside, and returned with a simple gesture – a small, pale blue flower, held out to him in your open palm. 

“for you,” you said, smiling.

he stared at the flower. then at you. 

people feared him. they avoided him, as they should. yet here you were, offering something soft, something kind. 

he didn’t take it. instead, he turned and disappeared into the rain. 

and yet, the next night, assassin! rin returned. 

at first, he told himself it was a mistake. he was a man of cold steel and darker deeds. but you were different, never pushing, never prying. you greeted him the same way every night, even if he never spoke, even if he only stood in the shadows. 

sometimes, you would leave a flower on the shop’s wooden ledge before going inside, knowing he would see it. a silent gift, expecting nothing in return. 

one evening, after a job that left his sleeve torn and blood staining his hands, he arrived as always. you said nothing about the wound, nothing about the red that streaked his fingers. you only looked at him, then quietly poured a cup of tea, setting it beside a fresh white camellia. 

“a flower of longing,” you whispered. 

he finally spoke. “and what does that mean?” 

you blinked, startled by the sound of his voice, rough from years of silence. then you smiled. 

“it means someone is waiting for you.” 

something in his chest twisted. 

he did not belong in the warmth of your world. he knew that. but when you reached for his hand, your fingers brushing against his, he did not pull away. 

perhaps, for once, he could let himself be seen. 

perhaps, even a ghost could learn to bloom. 

BONUS: 

the night was humid, heavy with the scent of summer rain. assassin! rin had returned from another job, the taste of blood still thick in his mind, but instead of vanishing into the shadows, his feet led him to you. 

the flower shop was still open, its doors swaying slightly in the warm breeze. inside, you were alone, seated on the floor, your kimono loose at the collar, your hair slightly undone from a long day’s work. a single candle flickered beside you, casting golden light across your skin. 

you looked up, unsurprised to see him. 

“you always come late,” you said softly. 

he stepped inside without a word. 

you gestured for him to sit, and to his own surprise, he did. he had never stayed this long. never let himself linger. but tonight, something felt different. 

you poured tea, the quiet sound filling the space between them. he watched you, taking in the delicate movements of your hands, the curve of your throat as you sipped. you were untouched by the world he lived in. and yet, you had let him in, if only just a little. “your hands,” you murmured. 

he glanced down. blood had dried under his fingernails, invisible under the dim candlelight, but you still saw it. 

without a word, you reached for a damp cloth and took his hand in yours. 

assassin! rin stiffened. he had killed with these hands. broken men. ended lives. and yet, you touched them as if they weren’t stained, as if there was still something human beneath the callouses. 

you wiped gently, your fingers cool against his skin. he could have pulled away. he should have. but he didn’t. 

instead, he let himself feel. 

the warmth of your hands. the way you smoothed over old scars with quiet reverence. he had never known softness like this. 

slowly, hesitantly, he reached up. his fingers brushed the loose strand of hair at your cheek, tucking it behind your ear. you stilled, your breath catching. 

then, with careful slowness, you leaned forward. 

his lips met yours in the flickering candlelight, the taste of tea lingering between the two of you. it was not desperate, not hurried, just a quiet surrender. a moment stolen from a life that had never belonged to him. 

you did not ask him to stay. you did not beg for words he did not know how to give. 

but when he deepened the kiss, when his hands found the curve of your waist, when you whispered his name for the first time, he knew he was no longer just a shadow. 

for the first time, assassin! rin did not disappear before dawn. 

𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫

the small village by the river had never seen the likes of him. 

soldier! kaiser, a foreigner, far from his homeland, wearing a heavy military coat that seemed out of place in the humid warmth of the japanese summer. his tall frame, adorned with a strange combination of leather and metal, and his sword – an odd, long-bladed weapon – drew the eyes of every passerby. but it was the gun slung across his back that truly made the villagers uneasy. 

you, however, were not easily unnerved. 

the village’s lantern festival was approaching, a time when the streets would glow with paper lanterns, each one carrying wishes for the coming year. you had grown up making them, painting delicate flowers on their surfaces and attaching intricate paper strings. your family’s shop, where lanterns were sold, would be bustling with activity soon. 

that’s when you first saw him. 

soldier! kaiser had come to the shop, drawn by the bright lanterns hanging in the windows. he didn’t speak at first, just standing at the counter, staring at the rows of vibrant, colorful lanterns. his presence felt heavy in the room, like the air before a storm. 

you watched him silently. you had never seen someone like him, so foreign, so different. he seemed lost, out of place, and yet there was something almost childlike in the way his eyes lingered on the delicate paper. 

“you’re looking for something?” you asked, finally breaking the silence. 

he blinked, as though startled from a trance. then, he gave a small nod. 

“i want one,” he said in broken japanese, his voice deep and rough. “a pretty one.” 

you tilted your head, considering him. 

“i can make you a lantern,” you said, smiling. “i promise it will be beautiful.” 

he seemed to hesitate for a moment, then took off his coat, revealing a simple vest beneath. it was clear he was not accustomed to the customs of this village, everything about him screamed of a life lived in other lands, far from the peaceful simplicity of a place like this. 

but still, you worked with your hands, as you always did. you knew how to make things beautiful. 

and so, over the next few days, you saw him every morning. he would arrive before sunrise, watching you work as you painted and folded the lanterns. sometimes he’d sit quietly, observing, and other times he’d ask you questions, simple ones, like what each flower on the lantern symbolized or why the colors of the paper mattered. you spoke to him slowly, teaching him the meanings behind the designs, the significance of the festival, of the hopes each lantern carried. 

though his words were few, his attention was constant. you found yourself looking forward to his visits, even though you didn’t quite understand why. there was something in the way he listened, the way he focused, like he wanted to understand this quiet village, wanted to learn the things he could never have in his home. 

one afternoon, as the sun dipped low and painted the sky with hues of red and orange, you finished the lantern. you handed it to him, a tall, white lantern with a red crane painted across its surface, symbolizing strength and hope for a prosperous future. 

he took it carefully, as though it were fragile, and held it up to the fading sunlight. 

“this is... beautiful,” he murmured. his voice was quieter now, softer. “i don’t know if i deserve it.” 

you raised an eyebrow, surprised by the sorrow in his words. 

“you deserve it as much as anyone,” you said gently. “this lantern is for you. to carry your hopes.” 

for the first time, a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. it wasn’t wide, but it was there, subtle, warm. 

“i’ve never had something like this before,” he admitted. “where i come from, in germany, there’s only war, only fighting. things like this...” he paused, shaking his head. “they don’t exist there.” 

your heart tightened at his words. you could see the weight he carried, the scars that were invisible to the eye. the soldier who had fought in faraway lands, a stranger in this peaceful village, trying to find something that would allow him to live without his past. 

without thinking, you stepped closer. you took his hand, careful, tentative, and placed the lantern back in his grasp. 

“you don’t have to fight anymore,” you whispered. “you can start fresh. here.” 

for a moment, there was only silence between you. the lantern’s soft glow seemed to illuminate his face, casting shadows and light over the hard lines that marked his years. then, slowly, he lifted his eyes to meet yours. 

“i’m... sorry,” he said, voice thick with emotion. “i didn’t know what to do. but you… this... it feels like peace.” 

you smiled, squeezing his hand. 

“i’ll help you find it,” you promised. “one step at a time.” 

the festival came, and the streets were filled with families, children laughing as they carried their lanterns, each light a wish floating toward the heavens. you stood among them, watching as people set their lanterns afloat on the river, the tiny lights drifting gently in the current. 

and when the last lantern was released, you turned to find soldier! kaiser standing beside you, the red crane lantern still in his hands. his expression was no longer heavy, no longer burdened by the shadows of his past. 

for the first time, he was free. 

and you, standing beside him, knew that he had found the peace he had long sought, here, in the quiet beauty of a village, with a lantern that carried his future. 

BONUS: 

the night had grown still, and the lanterns were long extinguished, their soft glow only a memory in the now-darkened village. you stood by the riverbank, watching the ripples of the water catch the fading moonlight. 

it was late, and the village was asleep, but you knew soldier! kaiser would come. he always did, after everyone had gone to bed, when the world was quiet and it felt like only the two of you existed. 

when you heard the familiar sound of footsteps behind you, you didn’t turn around. 

“i thought you might be here,” he said, his voice low and comforting in the silence. 

you smiled softly, letting the cool breeze sweep past you. “i come here to think... to let everything settle.” 

he stepped closer, his shadow falling next to yours. he didn’t speak right away, and for a long while, you simply stood there together, two strangers finding solace in each other’s presence. the weight of the world seemed to fall away whenever he was near, and in his silence, you found peace. 

finally, he spoke again. 

“i’ve never had a place like this. a place where i can just... be. no orders, no fighting, no war.” his voice cracked slightly, though he quickly masked it with a soft sigh. “i don’t know what to do with it.” 

you turned to face him then, your heart heavy with empathy. the soldier you had come to know was not the same one who first walked into your shop. he had changed, and you knew it wasn’t just the lanterns or the village, it was something inside of him, something he had buried deep. 

“i think you’ve forgotten how to live without the noise,” you said gently, your voice soft as you closed the distance between you. “it’s okay to be still. to find peace in the quiet.” 

his gaze softened, but there was still uncertainty in his eyes. “i’m not sure i know how anymore.” 

without thinking, you reached up to touch his cheek. his skin was rough, worn by the trials he had faced, but there was warmth beneath it, a warmth you had come to recognize. 

“maybe i can help you remember,” you whispered. 

he stared down at you, his chest rising and falling with each shallow breath. his gaze flickered from your lips to your eyes, and you could feel his hesitation. but then, as though the silence was too much to bear, he leaned down slowly, his lips brushing against yours in a delicate, tentative kiss. 

the kiss could have even passed as urgent, as if the years of loneliness, of fighting, had led him here. to this moment. to you. 

your hands found their way to his shoulders, and he wrapped one arm around you, pulling you closer. the kiss deepened, and the world around you seemed to disappear. there was no war, no distance, no past, only the two of you, lost in the warmth of each other’s embrace. 

his other hand slid down to your waist, fingers brushing the fabric of your kimono. you shivered at the touch, but it was not out of fear. it was the realization that this… this tenderness, this softness… was something you both had been yearning for. 

when he pulled away, breathless, he placed his forehead gently against yours. his hand remained at your waist, holding you firmly as if afraid to let go. 

“i never thought i would find peace like this,” he confessed, his voice hushed. “not in a place like this. not with someone like you.” 

you smiled, your fingers tracing the lines of his jaw. “you’re not alone anymore.” 

he kissed you again, this time with a quiet intensity, his hands pulling you closer until there was no space left between you. you responded with the same fervor, your heart racing, your body warm against his. 

the night seemed to stretch on forever, but in his arms, you knew the world was exactly as it should be: silent, still, and full of love. the two of you, finally together, finding what you both had been missing all along: a love built not on words or promises, but on the quiet understanding that, for once, you didn’t have to fight. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

"do you remember the time?" - itoshi rin

you were a blur in his memories. he remembered the traces, the faint shape of your familiar face, but your features were blurred, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember how you looked like, the face he once adored with all his heart.

lights flashed in his eyes, blinding, but recently, one thing had been on rin's mind. he had a lingering feel in his heart, one he couldn't pinpoint the source of. soccer was his number one priority, when he was younger he abandoned the others. recently, he had a guilty feeling he'd abandoned something far more important than a mere numbered priority.

"itoshi rin! have you ever loved someone before?" a voice behind the bright flashing lights of the countless cameras surrounding him questioned. his first love? rin's mind wandered, his eyes misty, trying to find the reason why his heart was overcome with a strange feeling, a mix of guilt, regret, and -.. hope?

still drenched with sweat from the soccer match, his wispy bangs covered his face as he looked down. why was this so familiar? this was especially weird, he'd forgot almost all of his childhood since making soccer his dream, his comfort. something clicked in him, he remembers.

-maybe if he didn't, he would have avoided it-

rin never answered the question. ignoring the reporter, he sent a cold and unwelcoming gaze to all that were in front of him, trying to take pictures, trying to get him to answer them. "maybe if you all weren't so desperate, you'd actually get ahead in life." rin bluntly stated, classic of him to rudely dismiss others.

a trip back to kamakura, his hometown, could do him some good. he'd gotten a break since his recent match, but all that occupied his mind was the itching feeling that what he was looking for was here.

the atmosphere was cold, white mist floated into the air when rin breathed out. the swing he sat on was old and rusted, it creaked whenever he swung his legs in the slightest. but he was here, waiting, for someone.

for you.

and there he saw it, his heart swelled at the sight of you, a scarf covering your chin, carrying a guitar case on you back, with a plastic bag full of snacks in one hand. your hair moved with the wind that blew past, and small exhales that you made produced white mist. internally, his arm reached out to you, trying to grab you and communicate with you.

rin muttered your name, unaware of it's volume. your head turned to the familiar but faint sound of your name being uttered. one glance of his wispy bangs that covered his eyes, one that you used to complain about since you could barely see his eyes, the eyes that used to look at you with so much warmth and comfort, once looked at you to with a sharp, disregarding touch. one that made you feel worthless. this time, his teal eyes were full of hope and desire, your breath hitched seeing that.

"rin?.." your mouth was parted, and your hair blew in your face due to the wind. that didn't matter right now. what did, was that he was here. how could he just show up here, after he told you that you were nothing to him, that he only led you on as he "didn't want you to realize early" that the spark between you two was long gone.

you two were presently at the ripe age of 21, but when you were in your teenage years, you loved each other. but one day, rin told you the words that haunted you till now.

"i really did love you, but eventually you grew to mean nothing to me."

he told you that he wanted to focus on soccer, that you were dragging him down and slowing him. he told you that he really did love you, he told you that you were a dead weight on him. and then he acted like you never existed. after that, he just left this town behind, left you and his ties with you behind. so why is he here now, asking to talk again?

"rin, why are you here?" your tone became more serious, as the anger towards him that grew over time, started spilling out. you'd see him on television, he made a name for himself, you hated him. you hated what he did to you, and how he threw away everything so easily. but you couldn't bring yourself to pull away from him. you'd thought that it was just a teenage relationship failure, that you could get over it. but it clung to you, haunted you.

rin bit his bottom lip, nails digging deep into his palm. "i..i.." stuttering out of anxiousness, he knew you hated him for what he'd done, and he hated how he got rid of any memory, any remnants of the love you and him once shared, just to focus on soccer. he'd hated how he completely forgot about you. and he knew you did too.

"someone asked me if i'd ever fallen in love before," rin gripped the rusty chains of the swing tightly before letting go and walking towards you. "i thought of you."

soon, he was in front of you, towering over you. frustration built up inside you, but you couldn't resist the look of his eyes, one that pleaded to just listen to him.

"you threw away everything we had, you completely forgot about me. how can you just simply say that you thought of me when you did all that?" the frustration slipped through your voice, revealing itself. you don't know why, you said you were over it, that it would never hurt you again, but tears spilled from your eyes. it fell down your cheeks, as the rims of you eye slowly became redder.

you were on the verge of breaking down completely, crumbling into the shards of your raw emotions. rin could see this, and guilt overtook his heart. your voice shook and quivered, but still, you stood strong, desperate for rin to understand what he put you through, the countless nights of crying in your room, curled up like a ball on the floor, wondering what you ever did so wrong that he had to leave you.

his bottom lip quivered, and he wanted to deny everything, but he knows he can't. "you said you really did love me. then why did you just leave?" your eyes filled with rage, stared at him, asking for a reason.

"i did. i did love you. but i loved soccer more then."

this earned you a scoff. "doesn't give you an excuse to just forget everything, to just throw everything away." poking a finger at his chest, you glared up at him. "rin, i'm done. you left me first, but you came back first. it's my turn to leave you now." with an extra sharpness in your tone, you turned to leave, but rin held your wrist.

"please, please, really just, listen to me."

maybe you shouldn't have, then you would have avoided it.

you stayed.

"i know i hurt you, i know it was uncalled for, and just horrible of me. i threw away everything i ever had for soccer, including you. but i didn't know you were more important to me than 'just a distraction'. i thought about you from time to time, but eventually forgot about you, i was too focused on soccer, on beating my rivals."

rin's eyes stared at you with longing, hoping you would understand what he was trying to tell, that you would hear him out. no matter how hard you tried to resist against the mental restraints on you to leave and never turn back, you couldn't deny.. you missed him.

"i'm sorry. please, give me another chance. i promise, i'll treat you better then i did before, you'll never be a 'distraction' anymore, i'll never throw what we have away."rin's eyes bore into yours with determination, the eyelashes you used to get jealous of complimented it even more.

eyes really were the window to the soul, huh?

"i didn't want to say this, but," rin's ears and cheek turned a faint pink, blush tinged his ears, covering his face with his hand. "i love you. i really do, i miss you."

i missed you too.

you muttered the words so lightly, but rin still caught it. his eyes seemed to have gained a spark, and he looked at you with so much hope in his eyes.

"can we try again?"

rin gripped your wrist tighter, anxious for your reply.

"do you remember the time when we fell in love?"

rin nodded, the slightest smile making its way to his face. "i loved you with all my heart. i've only noticed now, but i still do." your hair framed your face perfectly, and rin couldn't keep his eyes off you. you were gorgeous. "so, you haven't answered my question."

"promise you won't repeat it again."

"i promise."

you reciprocated his action of gripping onto your wrist, only now gripping his hand tighter than ever. rin's hands made way to your face, his face leaning in closer to yours, till your noses touched. he let out a smile, the sweetest one you'd ever seen in you entire life. both of you chuckled, and your lips made contact. he smiled into the kiss, and held you face so gently, but with the intention of never letting you go. your arms wrapped around his neck, ruffling his hair as you two shared a kiss filled with hope, and a promise sealed with it. you two loved each other, if you'd never confessed the love for him that was hidden deep in your heart under all the hatred you had, maybe you wouldn't be drawn back to him.

maybe this could work out again.

it's always a good time for ice cream! 🍡🍧🍨🍦

▶︎•၊၊||၊|။||||။၊|။• secret door- arctic monkeys

rin is your person.

he always has been.

the one who waits for you after class, standing by the door with his hands tucked into his pockets like he’s not been lingering for you the whole time. the one who knows exactly how you like your coffee. the one who remembers the stories you told him years ago, little things you’d long since forgotten until he brings them up like they’re important.

because to rin, they are.

and it’s moments like those that make you wonder.

wonder if the way his eyes soften when he looks at you means something. if the warmth in his voice when he murmurs, “you’re okay,” after a long day is more than just friendly concern. if the way his fingers linger at your wrist—gentle, grounding—is his way of saying, i’m here. i’ve always been here.

it’s enough to keep you hopeful. enough to make your heart flutter when you imagine what it might be like if you just told him.

but rin is your friend first. and you’re scared of what happens if that changes.

so you stay quiet.

and then she shows up.

it’s innocent at first—he mentions her name in passing, some girl in his class who’s “pretty cool.” you brush it off because, well, you’re you, and he’s rin. surely, you don’t have anything to worry about.

but then she’s there again. and again. and again.

and soon enough, he’s talking about her the way you once thought he might talk about you.

it’s not long before they’re together.

you smile when he tells you. you smile because what else can you do? you smile because rin is your friend, and friends are happy for each other. you smile because if you don’t, you might just break down right then and there.

he smiles back, like he’s found something good—something solid and real. you feel your chest tighten.

and god, it hurts.

because rin used to look at you like that. like you were his world. like you were enough.

and maybe you were. once.

but that was before he convinced himself you didn’t feel the same. before he moved on. before you let him slip through your fingers, all because you were too scared to reach out.

and now you’re stuck—stuck watching him love someone else while your heart still clings to him. still hopes for something that isn’t yours to hope for anymore.

so you learn to smile when he brings her up. you learn to push your feelings down until they feel distant, dull. you teach yourself to stop imagining what could’ve been because it doesn’t matter now.

he’s happy. that should be enough.

it has to be.

Sleeveless Isagi PT.2 because the ladies asked for more fanservice 😮‍💨✨

“those stupid things are going to kill you.”

“then i’m going to die happy.”

rin scowls as he watches you hang upside down on the couch, stuffing your face with sour gummy worms. you’re not sure why he always does this every time you have an unhealthy snack, but you pay him no mind regardless. he’s the insane athlete, not you.

this song and dance is familiar to you, so you easily tug the bag away when he swiftly tries to reach for it and pry it from your grasp. a displeased huff leaves him and he grumbles, “i don’t know why you insist on putting that shit in your body.”

it’s clear he’s only like this because he cares about you and your health, but he also doesn’t understand you don’t need such strict restrictions on your diet the way he does. a love language for sure, but one that gets a bit lost in translation.

“my wiggly friends would never betray me, rinnie. one bag every so often is fine,” you say while slurping a worm like a noodle, making him grimace from the noise. sensing the conversation will go nowhere he simply grabs his soccer ball from his bag and heads outside to get some practice shots in.

he’s also positive you don’t see the small smile on his face when you call out for him to have fun and that you love him.

“i swear i bought more of them…” you mumble to yourself, rummaging through the snack cabinet in your shared kitchen.

(snacks that are almost exclusively bought by you apart from rin’s protein bars that have the taste and texture of cement. eugh.)

unsuccessful in your endeavors, you instead head up to the bedroom to ask rin if he did something with them. you don’t think he’d do something like throw them away behind your back out of pure respect for your choices as an adult, but he could’ve accidentally moved things without realizing.

you push open the door, asking, “rin, have you seen my -” his head whips around with wide eyes full of guilt as he haphazardly throws something across the room. from his mouth hangs a solitary string, red and blue and filled to the brim with sugar.

sour gummy worms. your sour gummy worms.

a shit eating grin is already on your face as he groans and tries to defend himself. he doesn’t really have an argument though, not when it was so obvious he was indulging in the very thing he ridiculed you for.

“i don’t fucking - i just wanted to see if they were worth killing yourself over,” he mutters through gritted teeth. there’s no point to even trying, rin quickly realizes as you close in on him.

you lose your mind laughing at him while his ears turn pink. he scoots over with a sigh so you can flop onto the bed, singing out, “rin loves gummy worrrrms!”

it’s so unbelievably annoying, but he finds that he doesn’t mind being the butt of the joke for a brief moment if it means seeing you so filled with joy.

plus, you’re too distracted to notice him grab another pack from his side table and shove a few more into his mouth. a win-win situation, he thinks.

Here's my Bachisagi wallpaper that I made! Credits to Noelle11027 on Pinterest (idk if that's the OG but that's where I got the center image from) and to Yeliii456 on Pinterest.