Jezz343434 - JEzZy

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sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴏʏᴀʟʟʏ ᴘɪssᴇᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴏғғ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜs ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴇᴍᴀɪʟs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀsᴛ ғɪғᴛᴇᴇɴ ʏᴇᴀʀs. ʜᴏᴡ ɪɴᴄʀᴇᴅɪʙʟʏ ᴘᴇᴛᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ…ᴇɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴɪɴɢ. ᴀᴛ ғɪʀsᴛ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ɪɢɴᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀs ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛs ɢᴏᴛ ɪɴᴄʀᴇᴀsɪɴɢʟʏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀᴅᴅ ᴏɪʟ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴜʀɴɪɴɢ, ᴘᴀssɪᴏɴᴀᴛᴇ ғʟᴀᴍᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʜᴀᴛʀᴇᴅ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅs ʏᴏᴜ.

ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴍʏsᴛᴇʀɪᴏᴜs ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜs ʜᴀᴛᴇʀ (ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ) ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ, ʀᴇᴠᴇᴀʟᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍsᴇʟᴠᴇs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛᴠ ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴ, ᴀɴ ᴏᴠᴇʀʟᴏʀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴇᴏ ᴏғ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴇᴄʜɴᴏʟᴏɢɪᴄᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴ.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ/ᴛᴀɢs: ғ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ᴅᴜᴀʟ ᴘᴏᴠ, ᴇɴᴇᴍɪᴇs ᴛᴏ ғ*ᴄᴋ ʙᴜᴅᴅɪᴇs ᴛᴏ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴᴅᴇsᴄʀɪʙᴀʙʟᴇ, ᴠᴏx ɪs ᴀ ʙʀᴀᴛᴛʏ sᴜʙ, ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪs ᴀ ᴅᴏᴍ, ᴠᴏx ᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴏғ ʟ's ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴇ sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏs ɪᴛ, ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪs sᴇxᴜᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪʙᴇʀᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴғɪᴅᴇɴᴛ, ᴠᴏx ɪs ʙᴀᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ, ᴠᴏx ʜᴀs ᴀ ʜᴜᴍɪʟɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴋɪɴᴋ, sʟᴏᴡ ʙᴜʀɴ, ᴍᴀsᴛᴜʀʙ*ᴛɪᴏɴ (ᴠᴏx)

Pride.

It had been Vox’s anchor through every storm, the bedrock upon which he rebuilt his empire time and time again. When everything else failed – fame, wealth, power – his pride would always remain. It was his impenetrable shield against defeat; it was his sharpened sword in the face of adversity.

Pride goes before a fall?

To that, Vox would laugh in mockery.

In life, in damnation, where everything else – his mind, his body, even his treacherous heart – crumbled to dust, his pride would endure, unwavering and indomitable. He would sooner die than surrender it.

Despite Vox’s resolve, he had once again succumbed to his damn weakness, his hand wrapped around his throbbing cock. Memories flooded back, warning him of the same path he was about to tread once again.

Moments of shameful releases played in a loop.

Moments where he had sobbed and vowed to never repeat.

Moments where that fucking old-timey radio prick’s name rested on his tongue while his hand was coated in his sticky release.

He had promised, sworn, that he would never sacrifice his pride for a fleeting moment of hollow pleasure.

But today, surrounded by the evidence of his obsession with her, he found himself once more in the mercy of his desire, his resolve crumbling like the ashes of his once glorious empire.

Vox knelt there in supplication, head bowed, clutching his cock like a goddamn lifeline. He realized with a sinking heart that his pride had been the first casualty in this war. The war he waged against her, against himself, against the very fucking essence of who he thought he was.

He should just find Val and fuck him senseless, let out all the pent-up frustration in a mindless, carnal release. But as he made up his mind, his eyes drifted back to the picture she had sent him. Her playful little smirk pulled him back as a prisoner of his obsession.

His hand moved almost to its accord, slowly, gently stroking up and down his strained cock. He hissed in relief, the tension easing slightly with each stroke, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he fought to maintain control.

Closing his eyes, he felt like a drug-addled addict, convincing himself that just one more hit would be enough.

“Just one more,” he whispered. “One more stroke, and I’ll fucking stop.”

With each repetition of the motion, his supposed impenetrable fortress that housed his resolve chipped away. One, two, three breaths – his hand moved once, twice, thrice, and he moaned, the sound torn from his throat as he succumbed to the pleasure. The sensation was overwhelming, consuming him whole.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “This…feels real fucking good.”

Vox had a terabyte worth of images and videos of her stored in his internal hard drive. A digital shrine he had created to self-flagellate himself as he reminded himself that he shouldn’t and didn’t want her.

Every day, he fought the temptation to give in, to fuck himself with his hand while he pulled up images and videos of her — let the very image of her sear into his mind.

But he had resisted.

Always.

Instead, he channelled his frustration into writing her emails filled with hate and vitriol. Some days, when the want, the desire reached to unbearable heights, he would write to her about how much he despised her, how much he didn’t want her, how much he didn’t think of her.

It never helped. It never fucking did. But it became a ritual, a futile attempt to reclaim what little dignity remained within him.

A pathetic whimper escaped him as he forced his hand off his weeping cock, denying himself the release he so desperately craved. The photo slipped from his claws, fluttering to the floor as he pressed both hands against the ground, panting heavily.

Pride.

That was all he had left.

Everything else could be rebuilt from the ashes, but without his pride, he was nothing. He’d be damned if he let another fucking soul strip that away from him.

Vox glared at the photo; its edges crumpled from his desperate grip. It taunted him with her sweet yet mocking smile. “Fuck you,” he said in vain, knowing she didn’t give two shits of what she was doing to an Overlord – to him.

It was then that he noticed another small scrap of paper, or rather a business card, among the shredded pieces of the package he must’ve missed. Despite doing nothing today, his body felt like it had just run a marathon. His hand trembled as he grunted, forcing himself to stretch his arm to grab the card.

Whatever restraint he had completely shattered once he read the words on it. “Fucking, fuck, fuck,” he cursed out loud, his voice a mix of rage and despair. “Damn you, damn you to fucking hell,” his whine blended with a shameful moan as his hand went back to clutching his throbbing cock.

The business card read:

Vox couldn’t believe this fucking bitch had made a custom order of her own fucking cunt and sent it to him. God, that fucking whore. He cursed her and praised her depravity in a single breath as his eyes fell back to the fleshlight – her gift to him.

It was the same colour as her skin.

God fucking dammit.

He hated her. He wanted her. His emotions swirled in a chaotic storm, tearing at his sanity. His hand moved on its own, gripping the fleshlight with a desperate intensity. It was soft, warm, and he could almost imagine it was her.

The tip of his claw traced the lips of the synthetic pussy, and he inserted one finger in. He shuddered as he felt his finger enveloped by the soft, wet, plush walls. He had never used a fleshlight before, believing his hand or Val’s ass was good enough.

His teeth gnashed together, trying to force the words back, but before he could swallow them down, he blurted out his thoughts. “Fuck you,” he hissed as he inserted a second finger. “You’re thinking quite highly of yourself, huh?” He started to fuck his fingers in and out of the fleshlight, relishing the way the walls seemed to tighten, as if not wanting to let go.

“You think your cunt is this tight?” Vox let out a dark chuckle, recalling how three years ago, there was a huge scandal where sex tapes of her fucking some no-name guys were released on the net. His fingers withdrew from the fleshlight, dripping with its artificial juices, and he traced the lips of her pussy with the head of his cock.

The very thought of her, the memory of those tapes, the sight of her in that bikini – all of it drove him to the brink of madness. His breath was ragged, a mix of anger and arousal shrouding his mind.

He hated her.

He wanted her.

She tore him apart.

When that sex scandal broke out and plastered her face all over every platform on social media, Vox felt a rush of vindictive joy. This bitch, who had been a thorn in his side for so long, was finally going down. Instead of gloating in another email to her, he offered her a deal.

He wrote to her that day as Anonymous666, every word dripping with cocksure smugness, suggesting that if she begged him and admitted on her next video that VoxTek was the greatest, he would help her make the whole scandal go away.

That bitch never fucking responded.

She never responded to any of his emails.

Instead of trying to take down the sex video and paying a company to manage her reputation, she hired a small independent programming firm to create a fucking app called “OnlySinners.” On that app, users could create accounts to post exclusive photos and videos of themselves. It quickly became popular among influencers, promising exclusive content for their fans. This so-called exclusive content was all sexual in nature.

Honestly, it was much worse than porn in terms of quality and content.

Furthermore, fans had to pay a monthly subscription to view the posts. There were also different tier systems, allowing fans to get different benefits such as a chance to converse with their idol depending on how much they were willing to pay.

Because of her, the porn sector of his company took a huge hit that year. He managed to convince the shareholders of OnlySinners to sell their stocks to VoxTek, so she and he became co-owners. But before their first OnlySinners company meeting, she offered to sell the rest of her stocks to VoxTek and his assistant purchased it.

Vox inserted the tip of his cock inside the fleshlight and moaned obscenely. Fuck, this was amazing.

She was amazing.

Why couldn’t she have contacted him to create the OnlySinners app? He had the resources, the power, the connections. They could’ve been filthy rich together. He pulled the fleshlight off, teasing himself as he panted loudly.

Why did she sell the rest of her stocks instead of co-owning the company together? He inserted the tip of his cock again before pulling out, repeating it again and again.

She was such a fucking tease.

Vox had hacked her OnlySinners account out of curiosity and nearly choked when he saw she earned a whopping thirteen figures in the first year of launching that app on the income from subscription alone. She only uploaded five fucking thirty-second clips of her getting railed by other VoxTubers, and yet she was able to earn so much.

What’s worse was that the quality of the videos was shit, and he couldn’t see her tits or ass. All he could hear was her sinful moans and the sound of skin slapping together.

Yet, Vox paid to be her one and only loyal, “supreme” fan. She made an absurd tier costing $250,000 a month, and he still hasn’t cancelled despite her account clearly being inactive. In fact, the rest of her so-called fans stopped paying a monthly premium due to the lack of content.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Vox whispered, his voice breaking from another moan ripping through him as he sank halfway into her tight, dripping cunt. “We could’ve been unstoppable together.”

Inserting himself deeper into the fleshlight, he imagined her smirking at him, taunting him with those dark, smoky eyes. “Don’t fucking kid yourself,” he thrust harder, his breath hitching with each movement.

As he fully sheathed the fleshlight on his cock, taking it all the way to the base, Vox groaned, “Oh, fuuuuck.” His voice glitched, and his head tweaked from the overwhelming sensation of her tight, simulated pussy gripping his hardened, dripping cock. If he pulled out, he might come.

Holy fuck, was he seriously going to come after one fucking full stroke?

“I always knew you were a one-pump chump,” a voice, a familiar, and taunting voice, echoed in his head. “You should be thanking me for giving you this.” She giggled, and Vox’s vision momentarily blacked out as images of that damn woman flashed before his eyes.

“How dare you drop my photo on your filthy floor? Don’t you know you hold the only copy of that photo in existence?” She whispered, her voice caressing and electrifying every nerve, every circuit that made him who he was.

As his vision returned to the small, dimly lit room, surrounded by her sex toys, filled with the scent of his arousal, he quickly reached for the photo she had sent. He could still hear her voice in the back of his mind. “You should feel special,” she whispered, a seductive undertone drenching her words.

Vox’s hand gripped the fleshlight tighter, his claws digging into the sides, and he felt his cock hardening even more under his touch and the sensation of her simulated cunt. He dragged his cock out of the plush, wet pocket, his breath heavy as he fought to control himself, trying not to spill his seed inside it. He wanted this to last. He wanted this moment to last, to drown in this euphoria, to lose himself in this sensation of pleasure.

He wanted to muffle the scream of shame that threatened to short-circuit him.

Holding the fleshlight just above the tip of his cock, he thrust his hips upward, entering her once more. He held the photo up, forcing his head to look up – to look up at her. He slowly fucked the toy, pretending she was on top of him, imagining taking her slowly, letting her feel every inch of him.

“D-does it feel good?” Vox asked her. Of course, the photo of her remained still, her lips – her smirk – unmoving. A familiar feeling of his chest being flayed open coursed through him.

In the quiet space, where it was only him, away from the paparazzi, away from the need to maintain a perfect image for society, he was back in the body of an upstart entrepreneur – a body of a scrappy nobody.

Vox was back to being the man who had groveled and begged the investors to take a chance on him. To believe in him. He had withstood the mockery and the laughter as he swallowed his pride again and again.

“Can I…” he gasped, as his hips started to pump in and out quicker and quicker, the lewd sound of his cock thrusting into the lubricated toy squelched and filled the air. “Can I…come?” he groaned, his head falling forward, his ass up in the air before he thrust mindlessly into the toy with reckless abandon.

The pleasure built with each thrust, a fevered pitch that ate away his mind. He clung to the photo; it kept him tethered to the fantasy of an alternate reality where he had her – where she wanted him.

“Please,” he whimpered, his voice breaking, a plea to the silent room. “Please let me come.”

Vox’s pace became frantic, his strokes wild and uncontrolled. The tight, wet embrace of the fleshlight, the image of her teasing smile, the imagined feel of her beneath him – “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna fuckin’…” his words were lost to the sound of his filthy moans and the wet slaps of his hips against the toy.

His vision blanked with a final, desperate thrust as he released everything he had within him. “Ah, fuuuuck,” he groaned as he slowed his pace, rocking his hips against the toy, wringing his cock dry.

Once Vox controlled his heavy breath, he slowly collapsed to the floor and rolled onto his back. He stared down at his limp cock, wearing the fleshlight like a sleeve. As the high faded, and the evidence of his broken restraint leaked out from the toy and drenched the front placket of his pants, the all-too familiar sensation of shame settled on his chest.

His chest rose and fell with the aftermath of his exertion, his breath still heavy and laboured. As if he had woken up from a fever dream, he looked around the room. The shelves were lined with her toys, each one a reminder of his obsession and the depth of his humiliation. The business card, the photo, her message, the custom fleshlight – all of it ridiculed him.

Vox pressed his palms against his eyes. The cold floor seeped into his sweat-soaked back; he felt the weight of his insignificance. For all his power and wealth, he still saw himself as his scrappy, pathetic self, groveling to other men that were born into a higher status.

He enjoyed sex for what it was. It brought him a moment of pleasure. But the price was always too fucking high to pay, for at this moment when his mind retained clarity, his heart was out in the open once more.

Once again, he was back in the void, a cavernous cold space where a sense of emptiness gnawed his very soul.

Once again, he felt a pain in his chest that he could never seem to fucking name.

Once again, he had sacrificed his pride for a fleeting moment of hollow pleasure.

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Masterlist!

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Aizetsu x Female!Reader (Hashira) (Part 1)

Aizetsu/Hantengu Clones x Female!Reader (Hashira) (Part 2 )

Sekido x Male!Reader x Karaku (Jealousy) (Part 1 )

Sekido x Male!Reader x Karaku (Jealousy) (Smut) (Part 2) -

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Alhaitham x Female!Reader (2 times the charm?) Kazhua x Female!Reader (Perfect for me.)

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111 notes View Post

jezz343434

1 year ago

can i req a short scenario of muzan with a wife!reader (human or demon, it's up to you!) where they are just..so madly in love it's embarrassing for everyone else in the room (like the upper moons can't help but cringe at how in-love they are)? i've always found this idea funny lol

Like Lovesick Puppies

A/N- Hi anon, im sorry for the wait! Thank you for requesting, I had so much fun writing this short scenario, and I hope you like it!

The uppermoon meetings held a certain unprofessionalism— Mostly due to Douma’s incessant joking around, and the snide remarks that were thrown around without a second thought.

Muzan pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He should have dismantled the uppermoons long ago— dealing with their childish dramatics and continuous failures to find the single flower he had been searching for was becoming too much to bare.

‘Remember, Muzan, you need them.’ Was a thought that repeated in his mind continuously, like a mantra.

As much as Muzan hated to admit it. The uppermoons were a great advantage to his side. They truly were his sole magnum opus.

His grip tightened on the flask he held, a slight crack appeared under the pressure of Muzan’s grip.

“Dearest, are you alright?” He paused at the sound of such a sweet, melodious voice that he recognized to be yours.

He inhaled.

He exhaled.

“No.” He admitted, he was not the type to beat around the bush, after all.

Before you could speak up, he continued.

“It’s been multiple decades—and these fools have done nothing of what I asked.” His voice lowered threateningly, the fortress trembling under the controlled vexation of his voice.

At this point, the Uppermoons had all silenced themselves—if not from instinct, then from the fear of getting punished by their Lord.

“I want the Ubuyashiki family dead—Yet, even that is too much to ask for, apparently.” Muzan spat, venom and sarcasm lacing his words. The flask completely shattered under Muzan’s grasp, and a prominent vein bulged out of his forehead.

He shot you a glance, observing your patient expression.

His attention was directed to you, now.

“I understand,” you simply said, hoping he’d calm down.

He shook off the broken remainders of flask onto his desk, any freshly made cuts healing instantaneously. He head towards you—grabbing your arm in a vice grip.

You winced, trying to hold your silence—you knew better than to question your husbands antics.

“You always understand me, don’t you?” His voice in a hushed tone, which was uncharacteristic for him.

His grip on your arm loosened, he nestled his nose into the crook of your neck, feeling the slow—yet shaky rise of your chest.

“I love you,” you whispered.

He hummed in approval.

“How much do you love me, hm?” He challenged, his hands beginning to wander, both finding a place onto your waist.

“More than all the stars in the sky,”

Gyutaro almost gagged,

Daki stared at her kin in horror, what the fuck is going on? written all over her face.

The languid strums of a biwa had soon filled the fortress, and Muzan had begun to sway you side to side.

He placed a small kiss on your nose, your giggles reverberating around the fortress along with the strums of the instrument.

“Would you die for me?” Muzan inquired, his hands fastened into your hips and waist.

“Yes,” was all you replied with.

Muzan hummed, revelling in this newfound information.

“You always know how to satisfy me, don’t you, dearest?” Muzan sighed, he had not a care in the world that his subordinates had first class seats to him and his wife’s love-fest.

He loves when you try soothing his frustrations,

He loves how you obediently do as he says,

He loves how you tell him what he wants to hear,

He loves you.

He’d never say it outloud, though.

“I am infatuated with you.” Muzan finally uttered, and even you found yourself feeling surprised. That was as close to an “I love you” as you’ll get.

Akaza nearly shriveled up and died right there, he looked around to observe the others—for once, he hoped he was not the only one seeing this at the moment.

Douma looked as carefree as ever, however, he was eerily quiet as he watched Muzan cradle you steadily.

“What the hell is going on?…” Gyokko poked a head out of his vase, watching the scene before him unravel. “Why are they doing that?...” He gestured towards you and Muzan, gazing into each others eyes like lovesick puppies.

“Gyokko.” Muzan started.

“Yes.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, ok, of course, sorry.”

Ignoring Gyokko, Akaza glanced at Kokushibo, his usual indifferent expression visible—He wasn’t sure how Kokushibo could endure this torture, that took another kind of strength.

Perhaps that was why he was Uppermoon One.

“Muzan-sama…Are we…Dismissed?” Kokushibo spoke up, he clearly desired to leave, and to never speak of this again—nevermind, it seems that the amount of love between you and Muzan was too powerful for even Kokushibo to endure.

Akaza couldn’t help but humor the situation slightly.

“Get out of my sight.” Muzan spoke once again, finally giving them permission to leave.

For the first time, Akaza felt thankful towards Kokushibo, and his respect grew a tad bit more.

The whole ordeal also seemed to shut Douma up, so perhaps it wasn’t that bad.

They had all left without incident, and you and Muzan continued to embrace each other until Muzan was satisfied.

Nakime wanted to gouge her eyes out, but she stayed resilient, and continued to strum her biwa wordlessly.

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jezz343434

1 year ago

Yan!Uppermoon HCs (pt. 1)

characters: kokushibou, douma, & akaza

KOKUSHIBO

Kokushibo already scares with his appearance, height, and strength. As a yandere, he tends to use that to his advantage. It seems to be the only effective way to get your attention so you don’t escape.

He does love you, but if you keep trying to escape, he won’t hesitate to put you in your place. No matter the cost.

Kokushibo is extremely hard to escape from. He has a high IQ and intelligence. Not to mention, he’s Uppermoon One. Any plan you have, he’s already 17 steps ahead.

He does not respond to begging, so you can’t beg your way out of his grasp. Though, he does secretly find it….arousing. 👀

His punishments are extremely painful. It could be anything really. Cutting off your limbs, keeping your family hostage, or even leaving you to starve.

Nonetheless, Kokushibo is obsessed with you.

“Your attempts to leave me are pointless, but I like a challenge.”

DOUMA

Douma is more subtle about his obsession for you. While he does melt over you, he makes sure you know that you’re beneath him and should be practically worshipping him.

He loves you, that much is true. He won’t hesitate to eat your entire family and won’t feel bad if you cry.

He would provide be the easiest to escape from since he’s always so busy with his cult and his duties as an Uppermoon. He’d always make time for you though.

Begging? Priceless! It makes him laugh that you’re so desperate to resort to such pathetic matters! Of course he won’t let you go.

His punishments are….let’s say you won’t be able to walk for a month or two.

Douma doesn’t treat you like the rest of his followers. In fact, he demands his followers treat you like royalty. You’re just below him in the hierarchy of this cult.

“Ohoho! Keep begging! This is amusing!”

AKAZA

Out of these three, Akaza is the one who is most lenient. However, that depends on how loving you are toward him.

He’s not one to harm someone he loves but will go there if it comes to that. And trust me, you don’t want it to come to that.

Is Akaza downright crazy for you? Of course! He’s obsessed with you, but he’s much more gentle with you than the other Uppermoons would be.

The chances of you being able to escape from him is dependent entirely on how much he trusts you. If he trusts you, you may be able to escape. If he doesn’t, then you’ll lose any chances at going out at all, let alone escape.

Begging? Cute, but not gonna work. No exceptions. Unless ya’ll fucking.

Punishments are rare. Extremely rare. He composes his feelings around you so you don’t see him as an angry, abusive man.

Overall, he’s probably the most wholesome yandere in the Twelve Kizuki.

“People like you are what the world needs. You’re a delicate flower that needs to be protected.”

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jezz343434

11 months ago

Gen Z Things With The Hazbin Men

Just some funny stuff I saw on Instagram. I’ll do one with the women next! Also, writing for Zestial is so hard like, why does he speak like that? 😭

Alastor:

The Dill-Doe Shirt

“Look at what my darling bought me!” Alastor announces excitedly, stretching his shirt so everybody could see, the word ‘Dill-Doe’ in bold below a deer in a pickle. “Ha! Isn’t it hilarious? It’s a doe wearing a dill pickle as a costume!”

“Al, that says Dill-Doe,” Angel says, trying not to laugh. “Do ya know what that is?”

“A what now?” Alastor asks innocently.

“Shut up, Angel!”

Lucifer:

The J in June

“Luci, do you know what the J in June stands for?” You ask Lucifer.

“Oh, I didn’t even know it stood for anything,” Lucifer says. “Well, what is it, honey?”

“The J in June is for the Jiggle in my ass when I walk,” You say, looking over your shoulder as you strut down the hallway.

“I believe you,” Lucifer says, fanning his face as he watches your ass do just that.

“You have no shame!”

Husk:

Spell RUN

“Husk, touch your toes,” You tell Husk, trying to keep a straight face as you discreetly record him.

“Fine, but it better not be somethin’ stupid,” Husk says, bending over and touching his toes.

“Okay, now spell ‘Run’ three times.”

“R-U-N, R-U-N, R-U—“ Husk realizes, his eyes widening as you start laughing while you hold up your phone. “Wait a fuckin’ minute.”

“HA! You’re asking if it’s in your—“ You start, but then he tackles you to the ground, shattering your phone.

Vox:

Can I Hold It While You Pee?

“I’m going to the restroom,” Vox announces as he stands up from the couch.

“Wait, let me come with you!” You say, following behind him.

“What, why would you want to do that?” Vox stutters as he turns around, a horrified look on his face.

“Can I hold it while you pee?” You ask, but he shakes his head as he backs up from you, accidentally cornering himself.

“At least let me tie a bow on it!”

“Stay away from me!” Vox says before teleporting out of the room, leaving you pouting.

Adam:

Throw Cheeks, Bbg

“Throw cheeks, babygirl,” You tell Adam as you walk into the room.

He instantly turns his backside away from you, covering his ass with his wings.

“NO! I’M NOT THROWING CHEEKS,” Adam yells, folding his arms and shaking his head. “I DON’T WANNA!”

Angel Dust:

Impregnating A Man

“Ya eva’ love ya man so much ya just wish ya were seahorses?” Angel sighs as he looks at you, but you’re too busy scrolling on your phone to notice. “Ta get him pregnant, I mean.”

“Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try,” You tell him.

“Huh, yeah, ya right!” Angel says, grabbing your chin and making you look at him. “Wanna try, sweetcheeks?”

“Oh no, I forgot that was me.”

Sir Pentious:

The BBL

“Hey, Pentious!” You greet the serpent, an innocent smile on your face. “Can I give you a BBL?”

“A BBL? What isss that?” Sir Pentious asks you, confused. “If it’s nothing bad, perhaps I could allow you to—“ He continues sheepishly.

“DON’T SAY YES, THEY BOTCHED MINE!” Angel screeches, barging into the room, two small pillows falling from his skirt.

“Wait, Pentious, DON’T GO!” You whine as you watch him slither away in fear.

Valentino:

I Don’t Take In Strays

“What’s your address?” Valentino texts you. You only gave him your number so he could leave you alone. “I’m spending the night.”

“4351 Pasadena Ave,” You text back.

“That’s the animal shelter?”

“Yeah, they take in strays. Not me, goodnight.”

Saint Peter:

When Did I Ask?

“So, uh, Emily was telling me about this new restaurant that opened up,” Saint Peter starts, nervously wringing his hands together. “And I was wondering if you wanted to go?”

“When?” You asked, trying not to laugh.

“Oh, well, how does Friday—“

“Did I ask?”

Saint Peter’s face drops, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment, losing whatever confidence he had built up to ask you out.

“Oh my God, you poor baby! I’m so, so sorry, I have no self control,” You said, rushing to him and holding his face in your hands, a relieved sigh escaping his throat as you litter him with kisses. “Yes! I’ll go out with you, a million times yes!”

Zestial:

Mike Who Cheese Hairy

“Good morning, sweetness,” Zestial says, leaning down to look at your shirt when you approach him. “Oh? What art thee wearing today?“

He squints as you stretch it, four words in bold staring back at him: Mike, Who, Cheese, and Hairy. Carmilla’s daughters are trying not to laugh.

“Repeat it and you’ll find out,” You say, a wicked smile on your face.

“Mike…Who…Cheese…Hairy,” Zestial says out loud, still confused. “I don’t understand?”

“Who said ‘My coochie is hairy?’” Carmilla asks as she walks into the room.

“Zestial!” You burst out laughing, but then she throttles you, leaving the older man horrified.

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jezz343434

1 year ago

the Forbidden fruit

NSFW: headcanons about your sex life. hazbin hotel Adam x fem!reader That feeling when my drafts are almost halfway through the smut with Adam that I wanted to write, but at the last minute I stopped liking that text, so I switched to something else. Everything is (not) good. I wrote this text while listening to Landon Tewers - She Thinks of Me. the meaning of the song is not at all important and has nothing to do with the lyrics, I just liked the melody.

Adam has beautiful hands. Aesthetic. When he takes off his clothes and folds his arms across his chest, rests them on a surface, or carries heavy objects, his veins appear.

His fingers are thin and well-groomed, long, like those of a pianist, which Adam never was.

Just imagine the contrast it has on you during sex. His rough, sometimes wild, character and gentle movements of his hands that slide over your entire body while he whispers all sorts of dirty things in your ear. Imagine those hands touching your hips, squeezing your skin gently but noticeably to make you feel excited and excited, and then with a knee-baring grin, he leaves you unsatisfied.

Adam can and loves to tease. His hands pass dangerously close to your sensitive places, and his words are full of subtext and hints, which are sometimes not covered at all. And because many are accustomed to the character of Adam, who speaks complete nonsense, no one pays attention to the fact that Adam literally said that he would fuck you against that wall before entering heaven.

Adam sure has a sexy morning voice. He can lie on his back, finally finding a comfortable position without his wings getting in the way, one of his arms wedged under your body and resting on your side. He brushes the hair that is falling into his face back before turning his head in your direction. A smirk graces Adam’s face as he rolls onto his side and pulls you closer to him, allowing your two hot bodies to grind against each other. Adam wakes you up with a kiss behind your ear, slowly lowers himself to your neck and whispers some nonsense to you, but you don’t wake up or pretend to be asleep, he takes it as a challenge and the hand from your hip slowly slides down, straight into yours underpants.

Adam likes the cowgirl position when he's too tired but still wants you. This gives you both an imaginary sense of control: you control the speed of the process, Adam controls the movement of your hips.

He likes to look at your hips and butt, whether in tight pants/high-waisted shorts or skirts/dresses that contour your figure. Adam basically likes to look at you in tight clothes, style doesn't matter as long as you like it. Besides that, he likes to see his dick penetrate your body slowly or quickly (well, I mean, he likes to watch your pussy swallow his dick, let's be honest). He loves watching your breasts bounce rhythmically as you move. He loves the feeling of your fingers on his chest as you lean against him, finding a comfortable position.

If you don't mind having Adam's dick in you without having sex, then please allow him. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of unity that has not visited him since the time of Lilith and Eve.

Not against quick sex (or blowjob).

Speaking of fetishes, Adam loves creampies and he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s flattered by the idea of impregnating you. And the latter is not so much a fetish as his sacred duty, because he seemed to be created for this? First man, first man and all that. However, if you can't get pregnant (or it's your mutual desire not to have children due to your lifestyle), he still loves creampies.

Adam loves to leave his marks on you: hickeys and bites, especially on your neck, arms, collarbones, chest, hips... In general, wherever he can reach with his mouth and lips. Adam likes to do this not only because he finds it sexy, but because of his insecurity. He had two wives who went to a dwarf duck! Somewhere in the subcortex of consciousness, Adam wants every living and dead soul to see that you are already busy with him and minding your own business.

Adam will probably let you do anything (within reason and as long as he feels like he's in a dominant position) if you praise him during sex or tell him you wouldn't choose anyone else over him. This will upset him.

I'm not sure exactly what word is supposed to mean what I'm about to say next (at least I've seen it called "happy way", but I can't be sure), but Adam has a faint trail of hair from his belly button to the groin. And although he takes care of himself (if you ask, he doesn’t care until it starts to get in the way), but he will never remove this particular hair.

His cock is worth forgetting about toys. So are his fingers.

Adam doesn't have a favorite place to have sex, but he prefers you to be alone. Teasing in public is a whole different story!

If you want to quickly excite Adam, then touch his wings. But this should not be a light touch to the tips of his feathers, but a targeted stroking of the growth area of the wings and between the shoulder blades.

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jezz343434

1 year ago

Y/N x Dating Upper moons 🌹

Mentions: Dating Douma, Akaza, Kokushibo

Themes: Clean displays of affection

Warnings: none

You were Muzan's daughter who had just come of age and he started talking to you about marriage and love. You helped out on the chemical experiments to test for the blue lily. Your blood demon art allowed you to be the best chemical engineer.

He didn't want you to suffer the same boring fate forever. He wanted you to have your own life too. A caring dad? Surprising!

Not something you'd hear from your crummy demon old man.

He suggested that you try dating the uppermoons of your choice. You didn't mind though, cause you had an eye for Akaza, Douma and Kokushibo?

You were exactly all too lively about Kokushibo as he was literally a square. Irregardless you did convinced yourself that you could change him.

You smiled and agreed. You told him your choice and Muzan arranged everything. Though it was up to the Uppermoons to select a venue to win your heart and hand in marriage. So now you'd first have to date Akaza.

Akaza

● He is overly sweet, protective, considerate and caring

●Mans will bring the moon and stars for you

● He cares a lot about women and he'll treat you like the most special thing in the whole world

● He took you out to a beautiful park dressed with the most beautiful flaura (plants, flowers) that was gently carressed by the nightlit sky. The sky itself was clear and sparkly full of stars.

●He brought you your favorite flowers (name of favorite flowers). After all his the type to do his research before going out with you

●He then blind-folded you and walked you to the spot he set up

●It was in the middle of the park. Were you would see the sky.

●You two lay down and stargazed together whilst holding hands

●Akaza compares you to the stars, he compliments you. Makes you laugh blush and smile

● When its time to go home. He'll escort you home to your doorstep. Kisses you goodbye and makes sure you enter your house and shut the door. His cautious.

Douma

● His silly, funny, carefree and kinda reckless

● Men is somewhat a pervert. So expect him to take you out to a romantic or explicit movie

● Or to the amusement park, were He'll suggest attempting spooky rides.

●You'll be scared out of pants unless you like the thrills , then his for you

●He would get easily distracted and forget about you at times as he loves having fun

●The moment you cry or express discomfort his there and tries to dry your eyes.

●Douma is sometimes the kind of guy who'll make you sad or angry and literally not know why you are that way. The clueless boyfriend typa guy

●His also sweet and would let you sit on his lap. He'd give you angel and cheek kisses.

●He'd stroll with you, prank you or scare you just to see the look on your face and have a good laugh about it.

●You'd slap him but he'd laugh his guts out and tell you not to be too serious. He'll make you laugh. Though you'd get even with him

● He'll walk you home and give you a kiss but would suggest coming in and having a little more quality time

●Ofc Muzan would catch you too doing it and you'd be in hot water. So you refuse and he insists you'll warm up to him.

Kokushibo

●Expect nothing from a traditional Sengoku-an era dude. Who saves most love gestures for after marriage

●Irregardless some men are like this, but can be just too soft sometimes around a woman than his fellow men.

●So Koku won't be as sweet as Jack from Titanic but he has his own ways of showing you a good time.

● He will take you on long strolls in the forest. Were there is silence, and the mere noise of forest creatures.

● He'd hold your hand tightly while you two walk slowly. He'd tell you about his ambitions and ask you about yours.

●The one signature thing he won't mess up is making sure you have a good time, though He'd take things slow. Cause he wants to really get to know you.

●His a strategists so he'll study all your favorite foods, activities, likes and dislikes and preferences.

●Then he'll do just that. His not into surprises and is really frank. So he'll tell you flat out he loves you as he is a bold man.

●He'll look firmly into your eyes when confessing his love. And he'll do it all under the moonlight. His a moon breather after all. Its his thing.

● He'll give you forehead kisses mostly.

●He'll refrain from touching you too much or in sensitive places like your waist or neck. As he respects your personal space.

●He'll let you lay your head on his chest or shoulder

●He'll gift you a necklace with a moon charm on it. Its a way of marking you his.

●He'll walk you home and give you one last kiss goodbye and goodnight.

●You'll press foreheads while holding hands and he'll slip into your ear and whisper "I love you."

●He'll look at you were you can't help but blush and he'll smile. Just for you only.

I'd love to hear a brief explanation of who you'd date and why😊😊??

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jezz343434

1 year ago

How to catch doumas eye!

Things that would help you catch his eye:

Be a human (I think he would like a weaker s/o cuz he likes the power difference)

Be a woman (We know he's far more interested in women then men)

Not be a demon slayer (If you'd catch his eye and you were a demon slayer he'd probably become hell bound on eating you :( )

Be pretty (kind of superficial but he likes a pretty lady)

Be a member of his cult (He would have to have self control around you and wouldn't immediately eat you so he'd get time to know you

To avoid being eating and let him live longer youd probably have to have a talent that could entertain him ex: Singing, dancing, acting(?) Maybe even be able to create things like paintings, pottery, woodworking.

He likes being worshipped so he'd like having you give him things you made or if you preformed for him. (Easy way to becoming a favorite)

A way to draw his attention towards you would to be quiet at first, not to fan girly like the other members. When you talk to him you talk to him as though he's just like you, a fellow human. Makes him feel more humane you know?

He likes mystery so not telling him how you wound up on his doorstep would enamor him and encourage him to get to know you better.

Ideal personality traits:

Caring: He would like watching you develop attached to things and express sympathy and gentleness since those are things he can't express.

Attentive: He would like it if you took notice to him being emotionless but wouldn't judge him. When he admitted to it and you said.

"What a terrible thing to live with."

He swore his heart almost started to beat.

A bit sassy/ snappy: If you were just nice all the time I feel he would get bored so throwing out the occasional sassy remark would entertain him, but if you were throwing insult after insult he'd get bored of your attitude and feel disrespected probably leading to him killing you. Its like a balance of both.

Quiet: As previously stated he'd be intrigued by someone's who's quiet and doesn't talk much even though it seems like he'd give up. He'd probably keep trying to talk to you and pry answers out of you or in the very least get more then one word answers.

When you open up to him he's as close as he can get to happy because he feels special!

Also I think he would like to be his s/o only relationship so they kind of depend on him for social interaction and physical contact.

Shy: He loves it when you mumble or speak quietly like he's in love with it because it makes you look so small and scared. He especially loves to tease making you get all flustered is a giant bonus.

Short post but I think I made it canon so I'm still pretty proud of this

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jezz343434

1 year ago

I can't just let Douma be in the spotlight now, can I?

For the past few months, you'd have a secret little rendezvous every single night without fail. You never saw his face as he would always have his back turned to you but you eventually gave up on pestering him to reveal himself fully.

He stumbled upon you randomly as you were tending to your garden and humming to yourself. It was a long way until his destination so the demon decided to take a breather, just for a little bit.

Besides, to him, you were nothing more than a potential snack at the time.

Your blood was young and hot and your flesh smelled sweet - the ultimate food. However, even a monster such as Upper Moon One liked to enjoy himself from time to time. He patiently waited for you to finish humming and he would strike you down then.

Never in his wildest dreams could he imagine that you would be able to even see him let alone approach him.

Tiny specks of fear and suspicion laced your voice but other then that you were completely friendly towards him.

It was moronic. He didn't understand why he chose to entertain you and your stupid questions.

You were cautious of him at the beginning but still kept a kind and friendly air around you, an odd change of pace for the demon.

And that is how this entire thing started, him and you, together in the moonlight. His checkered black and purple haori swayed lightly with the wind as his long hair covered most of his back, except his sword. You would often remark that because of the weapon he carried you oddly felt safe around him, that if anything dangerous would cross your path he could just hack it to bits. There was a bit of truth there, he was indeed capable of slicing down anything and anyone who stood in his way.

It's simply your own fault for not realizing that he was the danger you should run away from.

Kokushibo was amazed at how at ease you felt with him, so much so that you never actually stopped to analyze your surroundings - the world would go stale and quiet the moment he made his presence known, all of the woodland beings would flee the moment they would catch a whiff of the scary demon. The eerie silence did not stop you from babbling endlessly and Kokushibo himself never actually made the effort to do so either.

He'd would often ask himself why was he even wasting time with you like this. Someone this naive, silly and carefree was a walking target, dare he even say a simple meal on legs even. Any other demon would have eaten you by now and would have savored every single bite.

He hated himself a little because of this, for wasting his time with you.

But the thought of cutting you down made his chest ache, a feeling he had almost completely forgotten.

So he settled on this, for now. He would indulge you on your little outings and, while he would never dare to say it, he indulged himself as well by simply being in your company. When he was with you he was just another ordinary person.

The truth of his nature could still be a secret for a while.

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