Jihyun2monster - MONSUTA

if you don't know - bang chan

genre: angst

pairings: bang chan x fem. reader

warnings: none

notes: ive never published my writing publicly before but i was listening to 'if you don't know' by 5sos and i wrote this on a whim so im sorry if its bad

word count: 1725

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

"go ahead rip my heart out, that's what love's all about. i want you to want me this way, and i need you to need me to stay. " 'if you don't know' by 5 seconds of summer

you remember the day chan proposed.

he came home with bags of takeout after a long day of dance practice. the two of you chatting and exchanging stories that happened over the past few weeks but hadn't had the opportunity to be shared until that night. you remember how chan reached over to tuck a stray hair behind your ear so it wouldn't get into your food.

after, the two of you split up the cleaning tasks; you washing and drying the dishes as chan took out the trash, swept the floor and wiped down the table. he finished his tasks faster than he normally would and he opted to stand next to you. chan danced around, bumping hips as he sang whatever came to mind, giggles leaving your lips as you continued to scrub the dishes. he leaned down, placing a kiss on your cheek before letting you know he'd go wash up quickly, whilst you let him know you'd meet him in bed once you were done.

when you opened the door to your bedroom you didn't expect there to be rose petals scattered on the comforter. in shock, your eyes moved to the front of the bed where chan knelt on one knee, a black velvet box in his hands as he smiled up at you.

"y/n," chan opened the box to reveal a gold diamond ring inside.

the moment chan began speaking you remember feeling like you were dreaming. floating on cloud nine as he professed his undying love for you and his will to spend forever with you. you don't remember at what point in his speech your tears began to stream down uncontrollably or when you decided to cover your mouth that hung open at the sight of the man in front of you. all you remembered was the way he stared up at you.

his smile reached ear to ear, his eyes smiling at you in crescent moon shapes as his eyes sparkled, glistening over with tears. the moment you dropped to your knees, nodding and trying your best to utter the word "yes!" through your sobs, chan's tears also began to fall. you threw yourself into his chest and he rocked you both back and forth, repeatedly whispering in your ear how much he loved you, his excitement to spend the rest of his life with you.

it's been a year since chan proposed, the night replayed in your mind almost daily, subconsciously you feared that that moment would fade from your memory. you never wanted to forget how happy and in love you felt that night, how secure you felt in chan's arms.

now here you are.

your fingers fiddling with your ring as chan stands across from you, on the other end of kitchen island. the both of you looking in each others direction as your chests heaved slowly, your faces red with heavy breaths leaving both your lips. his body moves to slump over the kitchen island as his hands folded in front of him to support his body weight. chan's dark brown eyes scan over your face but avoids your gaze, his eyes looking more tired than they did almost two hours ago.

you clench your jaw as you pinch your eyes closed, leaning your head towards the floor, taking a moment to collect yourself and calm your frantic emotions. his eyes slowly move down to look at your hands that have turned white from how hard you're gripping at the edge of the kitchen island, scanning the gold band around your ring finger. you take another deep breath before looking in his direction once again. his eyes scan over on your face, noticing the way your cheeks were now damp with tear stains.

"what happened chan?" you wonder, your voice coming out whiny and broken, "we haven't gone on a proper date in months. when you get home we barely even speak and i can't remember the last time you told me you loved me these past couple of weeks. its like i barely even know you anymore!"

you watch as chan catches his bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling at the skin instead of responding to you. you move from your spot standing behind the counter and to the dining table, taking a seat on one of the chairs before your knees go out from how rapidly your heart is pounding.

"what am i here for still chan? just to do your laundry, cook you meals and clean the apartment?" you gesture to the dining table next to you.

you cooked dinner in hopes that you would be able to have a freshly cooked meal together only for chan to text you that he would be back later than usual and not to wait up. ending up with you eating a warm meal three hours before he came home to eat the leftovers sitting on the table in a tupperware.

"i'm your girlfriend, not your maid or a house sitter. fuck, i'm not even your girlfriend, i'm your fiance chan!"

your fingers go to the gold band around your ring finger, as if the more you touched the ring the better the end of this conversation would go.

"say something, please!" you plead, crying out to the man who's still leaning against the kitchen island, his eyes focused in your direction but avoiding looking directly into your eyes.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, "i-i don't know what else to say other than i'm sorry."

"do you still want me? do you still want us?" you ask him in a hushed tone, your voice breaking at the end of your sentence. you're scared for his answer. you've never once felt scared or nervous about asking chan about his feelings towards you until this very moment. your heart pounds in your chest as you see the way his eyes change.

"of course i still want you! i love you, i want to build a family and be with you forever! you're my forever y/n!"

you want him to say that. you wait for him to say those words but he doesn't.

he doesn't even utter anything along those lines, let alone any words at all. his lip is still between his teeth as he stares in your direction, his eyes emotionless. even as he watches the tears fall faster he stares emotionlessly.

"chan."

"i'm sorry but i don't know," he drops his head into his hands, "i don't know what i want anymore."

you feel your heart skip a beat as you choke up a sob. the weight on your chest suffocating you as your heart drops, shattering into millions of pieces. your fingers stop their fidgeting at the band on your ring finger, falling away and onto your lap.

it feels like the world has stopped.

the room stills, the only sounds are your sobs and whimpers. neither of you moving an inch from where you are currently as the situation slowly sinks in. chan's head is still in his hands as he listens to your cries, he questions himself on why he doesn't feel anything; why he feels nothing listening to the gut wrenching cries of his lover, the person he once believed he would spend the rest of his life with, the person he couldn't see a future without, why does the thought of losing you not phase him.

he hears the sound of the chair scraping against the floor, slowly he looks up from his hands and he finds you standing in front of him. your eyes red and heavy avoiding his gaze, cheeks flushed and damp with tears. your small hand moves to wrap around his wrist, your left hand curled into a fist coming up and resting on his palm. chan's gaze moves from your hands before he focuses on your face again.

"convince me to stay," you whisper, almost inaudibly, "please."

chan can hear you, loud and clear. he gulps and releases a shaky breath, "i'm sorry."

you hear a part of your brain telling you to fight, fight for chan and your relationship.

but you're tired, exhausted. your heart is pleading with your brain to stop, telling it that it hurts too much to hold on. telling it that you're too tired to be the only one who wants this, to be the only one fighting. that small urge to fight for chan fades as your heart gets progressively heavier in your chest.

you pinch your eyes closed again as you nod slowly. painfully trying to acknowledge the situation laid out in front of you, trying to accept it as if your whole world isn't crumbling at your feet. your breath hiccupping as your eyes meet his for the first time since this conversation began two hours ago. maybe even the first time for the past couple of weeks that the two of you have looked into each others eyes.

the longer chan looks into your eyes, the more he notices just how much had changed.

chan remembers the way your eyes sparkled on your first date. the way you would tear up when you laughed really hard, your eyes glistening as you laughed out loud. he remembers the way your eyes softened and lit up when he told you he loved you for the first time. whenever he came home from a bad day, looking into your eyes would wash him over with a sense of relaxation, comfort and stability; chan had always felt like everything would be okay the moment he looked into your eyes.

but now the once bright, sparkling orbs full of life that he fell in love with were now devoid of life, dull and dark. he can see the pent up exasperation in your sunken in, tired eyes. your eyes stare into his; almost like you were searching for something that he wasn't saying. searching for the slightest hint of love, of longing for you, of heartbreak, a reason to stay.

slowly, you open your hand that's laid on top of his. your nails gently scraping the surface of his palm before chan feels something drop into his grasp.

your engagement ring.

you take a step back, your eyes never leaving chan's as you take one last good look at the man in front of you.

"goodbye chan."

Are you normal or does the slightest criticism make you feel like throwing up, makes you sweat uncontrollably and your face feel like it's burning?

They should invent a way to shoot your shot that isn’t deeply profoundly humiliating for all involved

“Jirai Kei Is A Slur”

Absolutely.  “it means psycho bitch” it does. I don’t disagree, it’s a bad word, a bad term, and a bad origin. Is it still bad? well, It promotes bad things. But Jirai Kei has also become a fashion, no, not Girley Key, no, not RyousanGata. And wearing some clothes isn’t anything bad  ♡ Goth people “promote” death and romanticize it, but it can also be just the clothes and aspects of death such as skulls, and blood. Emo “promotes” self harm, but most people that were Emo weren’t self harmers and were against self harm. They were just a bunch of people that found a place within the community.  We can wear Jirai Kei, we can call ourself “psycho bitch” and still not promote anything bad. Drinking one can of Strong Zero isn’t alchohalism or promoting alcoholism. Drinking an Energy drink isn’t promoting you to off yourself. Accepting that sometimes negative feelings come out as physical pain, doesn’t mean anyone is promoting it. There is no romance for the harmful parts, there is only acceptance that it is part of human emotions. Not all human emotions are positive, and the negative emotions can be very shocking. Depression can make you do a lot of things. Why shame people, just for choosing to go by this term and dress the way they want to dress? I think a lot of people think we are trying to hurt outselves to be cool. Have you maybe thought that we are attracted to it *because* it feels like the hurt we feel inside? And in a lot of cases, outside. I’m sure most people that went to Jirai Kei as a fashion, already had mental issues, already had the pain, it didn’t spawn with the fashion. I found my place here in this fashion, among people that feel similar to me. It’s okay to not agree or understand, but there is no reason to send more hate towards people, especially people that part take in a fashion because they already feel hated and hurt.

My Melody Standard Plush Doll ebay.com

Kangel ♡

hi hi! can i request a skz version of their reaction to throat fucking? i am obsessed with your seventeen one.

chan: yanks you around by your hair, calling you names you only ever hear behind closed doors. his accent would get thicker too and his face would get all scrunched like it does whenever he gets passionate about something

minho: happens whenever he’s in need of a power trip. he gets bossy (even more than usual) and gets off on the way you whine and whimper around his cock. watching your eyes roll to the back of your head as he pushes himself deeper into your mouth always gets him so fucking close but he tries to hold back to make it last longer

changbin: throat fucking is what you’d expect a big guy like changbin to do every time he asks you to blow him but in reality he’d a big softie who worries about going too hard on you. so most times he lets you take control. whenever you do convince him to fuck your face though, he gets so noisy, moaning your name over and over until he’s cumming all over your face.

hyunjin: he has to be really frustrated to get to this point. he doesn’t even have to be mad at you specifically to take it out on your throat, not that you ever mind, of course. you’re happy to help hyunjin relieve his stress in any way you can.

jisung: he’s usually all talk but when it comes to facefucking he actually does follow through on everything he says he’s going to do to you. you know you’re in for a long night when he starts running his mouth with his dick in yours.

felix: does it out of desperation. he wouldn’t even realize he was going so hard until he opens his eyes and sees your mascara running down your face. he’d be filled with guilt but cum almost immediately upon seeing how ruined you look

seungmin: on nights where you’ve been teasing him a little too much, seungmin punishes you by fucking your throat and leaving you needy. no amount of begging will get him to waver but if you’re good enough he’ll make it up to you the next morning.

jeongin: using your throat like a toy is only fun to him because he knows you both like it. he knows you touch yourself when he’s fucking into your mouth, knows how wet his taunting makes you… it’s a win-win in both of your minds

Hello Kitty DVD player･ﾟﾟ･｡♡