I Would Love To Write Abt My Cute Thoughts And Reminders In These! ૮꒰ྀི⊃⸝ ⸝ ⸝⊂꒱ྀིა

i think the worst thing about mental health advocates online is how much they do not fucking care about and genuinely HATE actual mentally ill people.

people advocate for mental health issues but, if you have symptoms that affect another person youre cut off and treated like a monster.

if youre mentally ill you are not allowed to be less than perfect because then youre "the reason your disorder is so demonized".

if you try to explain yourself or your disorder you get "your mental health isnt an excuse", "stop excusing what you did".

if your symptom isnt normal, if you have an actually bad symptom and not just an "uwu quirky x3" one youre demonized and treated like a monster because "oh! erm.. thats toxic.."

if you cope in a way that appears weird to others youre viewed as weird. cringe. a bad person.

and god forbid a minor have sexual thoughts because of trauma.

ask to vent, dont trauma dump, dont say a single negative thing because it might trigger someone. dont complain, dont vent publicly, dont post your intrusive thoughts it might trigger someone. cover up your scars, "keep that shit to yourself", "leave it in the notes app" because it might trigger someone or cause someone discomfort.

and god forbid a consenting adult be into rough kink because of trauma. god forbid anyone have any symptom of mental illness that is deemed as "weird" or "not normal". god forbid mentally ill people be weird or unnormal.

we arent normal and you know that. stop acting like we are and stop acting like we have to be to please others. i am done caring about the comfort of ableists.

dark girly looks + cheap options/customizing & worldwide inclusive. part one: colors and makeup.

૮꒰ ⑅ ´ ` ⑅ ꒱ა

you must be seeing the landmine girls in SNS with all those accessories, ribbons and whatever and thinking "what will i do to look like them?" if so, you came to the right place!! <3

i will separate this post in topics because tumblr is awful and didn't let me use more than 10 images per post, pien!! ૮ ⑅ ˊ ᵔ ˋ ⑅ ა

ᅠᅠ୨୧ . . . colors:

• the "main combo" of colors in dark girly kei is pink and black, as the name says, dark girly is dark and feminine/cutesy, but i've saw a lot of outfits with red + black combo, or even purple + black combo.

the ribbons, shirt, skirt, bag and shoes are from DearMyLove.

ᅠᅠ୨୧ . . . makeup:

• dark girly kei makeup has a lot of influence from landmine girls, instead of the other way around.

it's caracterized of: big eyes with contact lenses, eyeshadow to look like crying/red eyebags, subtle eyeliner, pink/red blush and pink/red lipstick.

• you can use doll makeup tutorials;

• you can use igari makeup and xiaohongshu makeup as an inspiration to the eyes and blush and adapt it with the colors.

(next post: tops and bottoms.)

Pairing : bully!Yandere!Hwang Hyunjin x F!Reader TW : yandere ; very dark themes ; emotional abuse ; manipulation ; physical fighting ; verbal fighting ; HEAVILY TRIGGERING ; domestic abuse ; physical abuse ; Word Count : 3.6k

Your relationship with Hyunjin was tumultuous, there was no other way to describe it, and there was no way to explain why it’s the way it is either. There was nothing particularly wrong, but there was absolutely nothing right about it either. The two of you being together was the perfect storm, a natural disaster that left nothing but pain and destruction in its wake. 

Standing in the bathroom you stared at yourself in the mirror, bruises littered your shoulders and your arms where Hyunjins fingers had grabbed you just a little too tight. Scratches and deep cuts lined your skin from when he’d get so mad objects would be thrown around the house, glass shattering on the floor and ricocheting back up against your legs. Handprint shaped blotches of red would sting at your cheeks, serving as a stark reminder to what you went through just to be with him. 

Why were you still with him? It was a solid question, but one that you never actually thought to ask yourself, or at least, you didn’t want to think too hard about the answer. Right now though, you were with him because he loved you. Of course he loved you, there was no one else in the world that would ever love you as much as he did, there was no one else in the universe that would follow you around wherever you went and be willing to fight with you over such mundane things like bumping into a man by accident in the grocery store. He only fought with you because he absolutely cherished you, because he was trying to do anything to keep you with him. 

How could he possibly love you when he was laying his hands on you so often, with such frequency that it almost seemed like he was enjoying it at this point? There were men out there that would be willing to love you in ways much better than he did, in ways that you didn’t even know existed. Your body would be worshiped, your every word would be listened to, your every move and every breath, everything about you… You would be doted upon like a queen in her castle. But to receive that kind of love after this… When the love that Hyunjin gave you was the only kind of love that you knew… It would be like emotional whiplash, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

At some point you had grown accustomed to the love that Hyunjin would thrust upon you, and sometimes you’d await it, knowing that when he was finished with his assault you’d be loved in a way that had tears stinging in your eyes and your jaw slacked as he would take you to highs that were unreachable by any kind of drug. Hyunjin was an amazing lover, he just loved differently… There wasn’t anything wrong with that. 

“You had to sneak out again, didn’t you?” Your friend asked when she noticed your eyes drifting to the window more than once, a look of fear flashing across your face when you saw anyone that even remotely looked like Hyunjin. “Why won’t you just leave him? You look like you got your ass beat, Y/N… It’s not good…” The sleeves that you had rolled up due to the summer heat were now slid back down your arms to cover the fresh bruises that darkened your skin in various places. 

“I’m… I’m fine… I just bumped into the wall, that’s all.” Another excuse to defend him, it’s what you always did. Your friends knew better though, they could see the shape of every splotch that littered your body, they perfectly matched the shape of a hand and fingers that gripped onto you too tightly. “Really… I’m fine.” You tried to reassure her, but she looked so disappointed in you that you could only bow your head, unable to even look her in the eye anymore. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore…” You mumbled, and you knew that she wouldn’t push it. There was no point, not when you had made it quite clear from the getgo that you weren’t going to leave him. 

A lot of people would call it stockholm syndrome, the way you excused everything he did, the way you genuinely loved him no matter how much pain he caused you. You had so many opportunities to get away from him, to tell someone about what he did, but you never said anything, and you always went right back to him. You personally didn’t think of it that way… you weren’t making excuses for him, you were fine, you didn’t want to leave him. Your relationship with him was just… different, and people didn’t seem to understand that. 

“Baby…” His voice cooed from behind you, and you couldn’t help but jump, whipping around to face him with wide eyes and a sheepish smile, your body already trembling when you saw the look in his eyes. The bell above the door hadn’t rang out, or maybe you just hadn’t heard it… But your friend didn’t react to his sudden appearance either, not until he was right there behind you, his hands firmly gripping onto your shoulders as you sat in your seat. “You didn’t tell me that you were going out today…” He sang out the words, sounding as sweet as possible, and to everyone else in the little cafe, he probably was a sweet guy. They didn’t feel the pain of his fingers pressing deeper and deeper into the dip of your shoulders, his nails breaking the skin beneath your shirt. 

“I invited her out, I came and I picked her up.” Your friend spoke up quickly, her eyes narrowed at your boyfriend. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was about to jump across the table and attack him, and maybe she wanted to, well, not even maybe, you knew she wanted to… But she wouldn’t, not here. “I just wanted to talk to her about work and stuff and how hard it’s been for me, she’s my best friend.” Oh, ever your protector, your friend thinking she was taking the fall for you being out today, but her excuses wouldn’t make him waiver. He already knew what he was going to do, and he was dead set on doing it. 

“Hmm…” Hyunjin hummed from behind you, his chin falling against the top of your head as his thumbs began to knead roughly into your back, right against your shoulder blade. “Well, it looks like the coffee is all gone now… I’ll be taking her home with me.” His hands slipped down your shoulders until he got to your elbow, quickly yanking you up off the chair and pulling you toward the exit. 

“Y/N!” Your friend called to you, and while you knew it would only get you into more trouble, you couldn’t help it, stopping in the middle of the cafe and turning to look at her as Hyunjin continued to try to yank against your arm. “Call me… Okay? Please…” She said, just loud enough for you to hear her, but you knew it was loud enough for Hyunjin to hear too, and he gave one last yank, pulling you with such force that you crashed against his side. 

“Defiance isn’t a good quality to have, baby.” Hyunjin said to you as if you were a baby, but it wasn’t for you that he spoke like that, it was to protect his image in a way. Speaking so softly would somehow make everyone who walks by overlook you, make them completely ignore the way his hand was wrapped so tightly around your arm that his thumb was almost touching his other fingers. 

You were being dragged toward his car, well, not actually dragged, you were willingly walking next to him, but anyone that knew the way he was, they’d naturally assume you were being taken against your will. “I wasn’t being defiant, I was going out for coffee with a friend.” You stated the truth simply, but the fact that you talked back in general seemed to irritate him. 

He quickly opened the passenger door, practically shoving you into the vehicle before slamming the door behind you. You were in for it when you got home, that much you were aware of. The way he stormed around to the drivers side and climbed in, the entire car seemed to be permeated by the anger he was exuding. “Always making me seem like the bad guy…” He mumbled as he shoved his key into the ignition. “I saw the way she looked at you… At me… She’s worried about you…” He continued to talk to himself as he pulled out of the parking spot, the rambling only further proving that your pessimistic train of thought was heading in the right direction. “She wouldn’t have to worry if you didn’t tell her so much. You shouldn’t be hanging out with her anyway, especially when I’m not around. You disobeyed me, you broke my rules… and I’m the villain.” He scoffed loudly, glancing over to you with the most sinister look in his eyes. “Ain’t that funny? You’re the one who makes me this way… but I’m the one who gets shit for it.” 

Your body was already tense, like a wrestler about to go into the ring, but you didn't have someone off to the side to give you a pep talk, you didn’t have anyone in your corner. It was you and Hyunjin, Hyunjin and you, no one else to stop what was coming. “Nobody would know what’s going on if you didn’t leave so many marks…” You mumbled, pulling your sleeves down even more to cover your hands as you curled up in the seat. 

Speaking back was always testy for you, he either loved it or hated it, it just depended on his mood. You probably should have known better considering you had snuck out of the house today and he was already pissed off, but you hated it when he tried to make himself the victim of what he did to you. “What was that?” He whispered, his knuckles a ghostly pale around the steering wheel. You didn’t say anything though, continuing to stare out the window, but you knew that when the car slowly came to a halt that he had his opening, even if only for the short amount of time that the light was red. 

The whipping of his head in your direction was enough to have a small gust of wind coming towards you. Defiance, disobeying him, talking back to him, these were all things that would land you in the washroom holding cold rags and ice packs over the bruises that he created while bandaging up the cuts and scrapes due to his ill controlled temper. Would he wait to get into the house to begin or would he start in the car, you weren’t sure. 

“Everything that I do for you, everything that I buy for you…” His head shook slowly, his breaths ragged although you weren’t sure whether it was because he was about to cry or because he was so pissed off. “It’s never enough for you, nothing is ever enough for you… But I love you enough to keep trying…” 

You rolled your eyes, the reflection of it perfectly mirrored back to him through the window. “Oh please, Hyunjin. We’re in the car, there’s no need for your narcissistic self pity act.” You muttered, already aware that you were in for it when you got home, so why not go big while you were still going strong? Before you could even turn your head to look at him, a firm grip was held in your hair, yanking your head back to forcefully turn you in his direction. 

“You’re pushing it.” He hissed, those three words alone holding a heavy threat, and while you never knew what he was fully capable of, you’d like to think that deep down in him somewhere there was some sort of love for you that would keep him from actually killing you, although he’s dropped the threat a few times before during bigger arguments. He forcefully pushed your head back against the window, not enough to actually hurt you, but the banging of your head against it had left you with a throbbing ache in the area. “Your friend is more trouble than she’s worth. Making you think you can talk back to me like this… Act like this. I don’t know who you think you are, but it’s gonna end real quick.” 

It felt like it took forever to get to the house, or maybe he had just somehow caught every single red light on the way home, but you were sort of thankful for the little bit of time that you had to prepare yourself before he pulled into the driveway. You knew that once you walked through that front door, you would be in a world of hell. 

Before he even put the car into park, you were undoing your seatbelt and rushing into the house, believing that maybe, just maybe if you got into the bedroom and locked the door behind you he wouldn’t come after you. It was wishful thinking, foolish thinking as well, but it didn’t stop you from doing it. It also gave you a little bit more time to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for what was to come. Hyunjn was beyond pissed off now, and there was no turning back. You just needed to buy yourself a little more time before you faced it head on. 

The sound of the front door being slammed shut had you falling back onto the bed, curling up into yourself as heavy booted footsteps carried him closer to the bedroom. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off at the door, neither did you, but it was strange for him not to. Your heart was hammering in your ears, the heavy beating of it almost enough to completely block out the sound of his fist pounding against the bedroom door. 

“Open the damn door, Y/N!” He shouted, his voice sounding more like the villain in a horror movie than that of your boyfriend that, for some reason, you still loved and adored. “You’re making this harder on yourself… Why are you so. fucking.  stupid!” His words were accented with a pounding of his fist, punctuated by the loud banging of the door, the wood sounding like it was cracking now under his fists. 

“Just… Just go away, Hyunjin!” You called out, although your voice sounded far weaker in comparison to his. “I don’t want to fight with you… I just want to be alone right now.” He never listened, you weren’t sure why you thought that today of all days he’d listen to you now… But the silence that followed filled you with a bit of hope, that maybe he was as sick of the fighting as you were. Again, wishful thinking on your part, and a bit of forgetfulness. The sound of a key being turned in the doorknob, and you were far too slow in processing what exactly was going on, unable to get up and lock the door before it was being pushed open. 

“Why don’t you listen?” He asked, standing in the doorframe, the key still in the slot as he stared at you on the bed. “You do this shit on purpose so you can run to anyone who will listen and cry about what you cause.” He was narrating as he walked closer to you, and there was only so much bed for you to crawl back on to separate yourself from him. “You won’t even look at me when I’m talking to you…” He climbed on the bed in front of you, practically trapping you against the headboard. “Why are you so disrespectful?” Your refusal to answer only fueled his anger, nothing you did or said was good enough for him, it never would be, not when he was like this. 

A quick stinging slap had tears pricking your eyes, but your attention was fully on him again as his hands moved down to grip your wrists, the circulation being cut off had your fingertips going numb. “Why… Why don’t you love me?” You whimpered, sniffling softly as you stared up at him. “Why do you keep hurting me…?” The question had his head tilting, like a confused puppy that didn’t understand the words of its owner, but you knew that you didn’t own him… He owned you, that much was made obvious on a daily basis. 

Strangely enough though, his hands loosened their grip on you, the feeling of blood rushing back to your fingers sent a painful cold through the extremities. “Love you…? You think… I don’t… Love you?” He questioned, backing up off the bed, and you truly thought that your words had stopped him before things had gotten any worse. Maybe he’d leave you alone in the bedroom as he thought about what he was doing, about what he had done… Maybe he’d finally stop. 

“I just… I want to be with you… I want to stay with you… I love you so much, Hyunjin…” You whispered, your eyes following him as he walked around the room. Was he thinking about your words? Was he thinking at all? You wished that you knew what was going through his mind. Just as you were about to get up off the bed, wanting to go over to him, wrap your arms around him from behind and just hold him, soften him up, a picture of the two of you off the dresser was thrown across the room. The glass from the frame shattered and ricocheted off the wall, sprinkling the bed in tiny shards that reflected the sun shining in through the window. 

“Then why do you do this to me?!” He screamed, his hands twitching towards another photo. “Why do you go against me? Why do you go behind my back? Why do you sneak out of this house that I got for you, for us?!” His hand, with lightning speed, grabbed the photo and beamed it towards you. You were already curled up into yourself, your arms wrapped tightly around your knees and your head ducked down to try to protect yourself as much as possible, but the edge of the frame stabbed into your legs, the force behind the throw causing it to almost imbed itself into your skin as the glass cracked on impact. 

You yelped in pain, sobbing against your knees. “I’m… Not… D-Doing anything!” You tried to shout, but you were so broken, like a porcelain doll left in an abandoned home, slowly rotting away, time itself destroying you… Except it wasn’t time that was breaking you down, it was Hyunjin and the time that you were with him. You were fragile, far too fragile to stay with someone like him, but you loved him, and in moments like this, you couldn’t understand why. “I… I love you… Hyunjin…” 

“Then fucking act like you do!” He walked back over to the bed, grabbing your arms that were still cocooning your legs against yourself, dragging you across the glass shard covered mattress until you were on the floor. “I love you, I respect you! All I ask is for the same thing in return!” It was crazy, the way he thought that this was love and respect… That hurting you was a form of showing love. You would never return the favor though, because you would never think of hurting him, you could never bring yourself to fight back. You truly loved him, far too much to even try to protect yourself. 

“Hyunjin…” You whispered his name, finally lifting your head from your arms and looking up at him and then glancing down at your arm, noticing the blood that was slowly making its way down to your hands. Your legs stung with the fragments of glass that had stabbed their way through your pants and into your legs when he had dragged you across the bed. “Can I… Get a bandaid… Or something… I’m bleeding kind of bad right now…” You said softly, and that’s when his eyes softened, it was the only time he seemed to lighten up, when he saw the physical damage that he caused first hand. 

“Baby…” He cooed, his touch light now as he lifted you up off the floor, quickly rolling up your sleeve and letting out an audible gasp when he saw the deep gash that the corner of the picture frame had left on your arm. “Look what you made me do… Are you happy?” He tsked his tongue, tears clinging to his eyelashes that he quickly blinked away as he sniffled softly. “I hate hurting you, baby… I really do… I just want you to stay with me forever… I don’t want you to hurt me…” 

You nodded your head slowly before letting yourself crash against him, your arms wrapping tightly around his waist as you finally let yourself cry. “I’m sorry… I won’t do it again… I love you, Hyunnie…” You whimpered against his shirt, feeling his lips press against the top of your head. He was so soft, so sweet… You could never leave him. He wasn’t awful, he wasn’t mean… He was just scared, scared that you’d leave him, that you’d hurt him… You would never though. You loved him too much, you were his entirely, you could only hope that one day he’d truly realize that. 

there's just nothing that beats being at home. the world will try to convince me i should be doing more and it's like yeah but im at home

After the rain /  恋は雨上がりのように

why do they feel the need to interact with people who aren’t me? it makes me SICK.

its like im too anxious to sleep 😞 but i have been drinking lots of fluids!!! im sure my meds will kick in soon and hopefully let me drift off 🥹

on another note - could you maybe write a daddy!jeongin thing but its mostly just reader being obsessed with his hands? (totally not projecting 🥴)

Oh Sugars, I understand that feeling it is awful! I'm very glad to hear you are drinking lots of fluids! My Sweeties got to stay healthy!

Sugar Content: Spicy Sweet (SMUT!)

Allergy Warning: Daddy Dom Jeongin x Sub reader, female pronouns, choking, gagging, and pet names

Daddy's Hands

A soft light illuminated your room from the window on your right. You stretched and groaned, not wanting to face the world today. When you reached out to find comfort in your lover, he was gone. His spot in bed has a phantom warmth meaning his departure was not long ago. As your bare feet hit the cold wooden floor you hissed. You straightened out your sage green silk nightgown and made your way into the hall. It wasn’t long before the smell of toast and bacon filled your senses. If your suspicions were correct, you would find Jeongin in the kitchen.

“Good morning sleeping beauty” his chuckle at his own joke was raspier due to it still being the morning.

“Good morning prince charming” You strolled past him and gave a quick kiss on his cheek. While he was distracted you stole a piece of bacon.

“Wrong movies but I will let it pass because you are so adorable in the morning, princess. Now sit down and no more stealing food!” You followed his whiney instructions and sat at the kitchen island.

You watched Innie finish making breakfast but soon it was your turn to be distracted. Long and slender fingers grasped the whisk tight as he stirred the pancake batter. His other hand skillfully flipped the meat in the pan. When a bit you batter splashed out of the mixing bowl, he used two fingers to scoop it up and pop it into his mouth. How was this so sensual? You two had never fully discussed your addiction to his hands before. When he would tease you for staring too long you usually changed the subject or laughed it off. It was painfully obvious now, as you were soaking the seat below you, that you had a thing for his hands.

“Earth to y/n, baby? Hello?” it was clear he had noticed too. When you snapped back you saw the smug expression on his smirking lips. “Someone sees something they like?”

“I just spaced out while you were cooking, I am probably still tired” you deflected but he wasn't buying it.

“You just happened to be spacing out on my hands? You seem to be doing that a lot these days, hmmm” he grabbed something out from the fridge and set it in front of you. His hand cupped your face gently as he ran his thumb under your bottom lip. He stayed there and played for a second longer before pulling down your lip with the pad of his thumb. A soft moan left you. “if you are so distracted baby, maybe I need to give you something to do” he pulled the bowl closer and dipped his middle and ring finger into the sauce. “tell Daddy how this tastes.”

With that, he opened your mouth up and slide in the two fingers. He let the weight of the fingers sit on your tongue for a moment before he slides further and further back. The sweet taste of honey was left on their trail. As he inched towards the back of your throat you felt your gag reflex acting up. You attempted to pull away but Jeongin was quick to stop you with a hand to the back of your head. He cradled you in a position that should otherwise be sweet but inside was tainted with pure lust. “Uh Uh baby girl, no pulling away from daddy. Taste it” he looked into your watery pleading eyes with his own darkened cold ones. He slipped his fingers as far back as he could and gagged you. You fought back with a coughing fit as spit filled your mouth. When he was satisfied he retreated.

“Messy little thing for daddy” he cooed as the smeared your spit to coat your now plump lips. “What do we say, princess?”

“Thank you, Daddy” Your voice was almost gone at this point.

“Good girl” Along with his words went your panties as he ripped them off of you. “So fucking wet princess. All for me? Just a messy desperate thing for daddy, aren’t you?” he rubbed his hand up and down your cunt.

You moaned in pleasure at his soft petting movements but one particular motion elicited a gasp from you. Your clit hooked on his smooth cold metal rings and you couldn’t help expressing how good it felt. All of a sudden innie’s hand got wetter.

“Oh princess, you liked that? Are daddy’s rings cold on your hot skin? Must feel so nice”. He rubbed his rings into your spot with more intention and pressure now. He loved how you were falling apart in the kitchen chair, all because of his hands. Jeongin knew there wasn’t a single thought besides pleasure in your head. As he slipped in those same two fingers he used to gag you, the others wrapped around your throat.

His instant speed and pacing left you speechless. The fingers around your neck closed tighter and tighter the closer and closer you came to release. It was like his calling card to tell you he knew just how good he was fucking you. Then he hit that spot.

“FUC—DADDY!” you were begging and pulling away but being stopped by the back of the seat. You both knew however that you did not want this to end.

“Take it. Sit there and take it like the desperate girl you are. Finally getting fucked by my hands just the way you wanted.” His hand finally choked you fully. “So be grateful and cum for me”

Those words sent you over the edge as you spammed on his hands. He helped you ride out your high and was careful not to overstimulate you when he pulled out. Before he started aftercare however he had one more thing to do. Jeongin collected your juices on his fingers and shoved them back down your throat, the scene mirroring the one before. As you gaged he praised you.

“Daddy’s good girl”