Browsing Through Old Files, Found This From ~two Years Ago

His loss | m.list

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Paring: Bangchan x gn!afab reader

Summary: A night used to get over your ex takes a turn in the best way possible.

Genre: College!Au, Friends to lovers, Smut, Fluff.

WC: 5.0k (5058)

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W: Substance abuse (alcohol), unprotected sex (don’t do this), Dom!Chan x sub!reader, body worship, praise, language.

a/n : this has been in my drafts since like september 😭

It was another boring night at another boring party all by yourself, and as usual you sat around drinking, not caring enough about your well-being nor your surroundings as you continued to drink your feelings away.

You and your partner of 4 years had ended things a few days ago after you found out they were cheating on you with someone you basically considered your sibling. It hurt you, but you tried your best to hide your hurt by going out and attending every party your college held to get extremely drunk til you forgot why you were there in the first place. Then the cycle would just end up repeating as you slowly remembered, the memories and reminders of your past relationship always plaguing your mind 24/7 and then you’d get so overwhelmed that you’d start your endless cycle all over again.

You honestly didn’t care about anything else at this point, anything to forget about those horrible memories and to just let go, even if it meant constant substance abuse. However, you were tired of the endless cycle that you didn’t even drink as much as you normally have. You were confused on this sudden, ‘post-drink’ clarity, but you found yourself slowly coming to a stop on drinking as if something in you were just screaming for you to stop. You hated it though, you hated knowing of your surroundings, you hated being able to see the people dancing and partying around you.

You hated that you could still feel your emotions.

That was the whole reason why you were even here, to drink until you couldn’t feel anything anymore, yet you were going against yourself on that aspect. You were sort of upset at yourself, but for once this entire week you actually put your glass down and just sat there. You observed everyone, not realizing how attractive some of the people at your university actually seemed to be. You’d never gain the confidence to approach anyone though, you were almost certain that nobody here would even go for you unless you were way past drunk.

It’s not like you weren’t attractive, because you definitely were, it’s just people at parties like this tend to turn out to be weirdos that fetishized the idea of using someone who couldn’t control their own actions.

At this point though, you didn’t even care about who you got with. Even if they were to literally ruin your life you didn’t care, you just wanted something with someone, even if it meant throwing away your dignity. You just wanted to feel the feeling of someone on you, someone wanting you, even if it wasn’t a permanent thing, you just wanted it. You felt pathetic now that you had a chance to think about it, but you craved the touch of someone else so badly. You didn’t realize how bad you wanted it until it set in that you were really sitting at a party hoping that someone would notice you.

You huffed, picking up your glass and getting up, figuring that you’d probably go home and just drink and just touch yourself to the thought of intimacy or something. You made your way past the crowds of people that blocked your way towards the exit, stumbling a few times. You almost made it out of the door until you caught a glimpse of someone you recognized.

It wasn’t anyone that serious, but you knew him from seeing him around Campus.. and because he was the best friend of your ex. It was Chan, someone who was pretty popular among people, someone who all of the girls gushed over. You had talked to him a few times, but you hadn’t taken the chance to get to know him personally other than just hanging out. He looked so good tonight you had thought, the way he leaned on the countertop in his fitted t-shirt and jeans, drink in hand as he casually talked to someone.

You didn’t even try, out of all of the emotions you’ve felt, embarrassment was the last one you needed to feel right now. Besides, he was crowded by a bunch of people and you didn’t want to bother him. On top of everything else, he still technically had connections with your ex and you did not need to be reminded about your break up through him. You decided to be quick, trying to leave before he noticed you staring at him and saying anything. But your entire body froze when you heard a familiar voice call your name.

You shut your eyes and sighed, mentally cursing yourself for not sticking to your original plan and just leaving. You opened your eyes and turned towards the owner of the voice, and of course it had to be Chan. You awkwardly made your way towards him, pushing past even more people as you eventually met up with him. He gave you a huge smile and you gave him one in return, feeling a little bit less awkward than before. It wasn’t like you had never talked to him before, so it was a little easier opening up and talking to him than you assumed.

“How’ve you been??” He asked, and the people he was talking to casually dispersed to do their own thing.

You held your arm awkwardly, “Uh… could be better. Nothing serious.” You reply.

He hums in acknowledgment and you could see him eying you, starting from your exposed legs due to the skirt you were wearing, up til the tight shirt that hugged every part of your chest perfectly. It was honestly a sight to see knowing he was secretly checking you out, but you couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose or if it just happened.

“I haven’t seen you awhile, I’ve missed our game nights!” He says, pulling you into a half hug.

You laughed a bit, “I’m surprised they meant that much to you for you to really miss my presence.” You say.

He looked at you slightly confused for a second, “How could I not miss beating you in every game we play?” He says with a teasing grin afterwards.

You hit him playfully and sat there for a moment to think about his words. Maybe you were overthinking your relationship with him a little deeper than you thought. You didn’t take into account the amount of times you’ve hung out with him and actually enjoyed it to realize it made you guys a little close than expected.

“How are you and him by the way?” Chan asks, and it felt like an arrow shot through you.

Oh, maybe he didn’t know anything of your breakup. It made it worse though because now you felt as if he were going to ask you a million questions now that you were here.

“I...we um- we didn’t work out.” You meekly say, taking a shy sip of your alcohol.

Chan’s eyes go wide and he looks at you as if you had just said the most offensive words ever.

“What? No way— You guys were like-“ He began, but you gave him pleading eyes to signal to him that you really didn’t want to talk about it right now.

He immediately took the hint and stopped himself, clearing his throat and looking back out into the crowd.

“That why you’re here tonight?” He asks.

You nod and avoid his gaze. “Need someway to entertain myself… right?” You say with a slight chuckle, and he does the same.

“Let’s get out of here.” He turns to you with a huge smile and you look at him bewildered.

“W-what?” You ask.

“This party’s lame, and we could have way much more fun if we play games at my place. If you’re down for it that is.” He asks.

You sat in thought for a moment to consider what you wanted to do. Honestly, the choice was easy, and there wasn’t really a need to think about it in the first place. Anything was honestly better than sitting around at a party and trying to get someone to notice you. Besides, hanging out with Chan was fun and way more entertaining, and so you shrugged.

“Why not.” You say, and he erupts in a fit of giggles as he begins to drag you through the party, past a large crowd of people and finally towards the exit.

The last you remembered, Chan didn’t stay on Campus, so it was miles away from your dorm, but you didn’t really care. He took you to his car and you got in as he held the door for you, taking in the familiar scent of Vanilla and clean laundry that he always carried with himself. It was refreshing to be surrounded by a smell other than sweat and alcohol. He then shut the door and went around so that he could also get into the car as well.

He started the car and before you even realized it, you guys were off heading towards his home. The car ride wasn’t as awkward as you thought it’d be, you guys using the time to reconnect with one another, and having conversations you didn’t think you’d be so comfortable talking about. He even took you to get some food, and who were you to reject free food from a pretty guy like him?

You both eventually reached his place, and he pulled into the driveway, you both climbing out. He stayed in the typical apartment complex, just a lot nicer and well kept than others. The apartment he stayed in had a lot of room inside and was very well kept, you were reminded of it when you guys entered his apartment. Chan surprisingly lived alone, despite his apartment being spacious enough to accommodate two people, you never really understood why he preferred to live by himself rather than having someone live with him. However, you didn’t want to question it because at the end of the day, he had his preferences with his own place and you couldn’t change that.

You kicked off your shoes and immediately bee lined for his couch, plopping on it and letting out a loud sigh. It had been some time since you last left your dorm, your daily life nowadays consisting of staying home, going to classes, and partying every night until the early crack of dawn. But being here with Chan in a new environment was so oddly refreshing that you felt like the bare minimum made you happy at this point. He poured you a glass of water and handed it to you, and you took it, downing it in seconds. Despite the soda you just had a second ago with your meal, it was nice to get some water, your organs thanked you for it.

“So, I was thinking we could play that fighting game we used to always play.” Chan says with a mischievous grin as he picked up his two controllers, turning his game console on.

“Uh, yeah!” You say excitedly, reaching out to take one of the controllers until he abruptly stopped you.

“Wait— You should stay here tonight. It’s already late and I’ll feel better if you stayed here. I felt like I should’ve made that known first.” He tells you.

You were confused at first, but you didn’t protest, why would you want to go back to your apartment anyway?

“Sure. I don’t see why not?” You tell him, and he smiles.

“Good, why don’t you shower first and get comfortable then we can play?” He asks and you nod.

In no time, you were in the shower washing yourself off and often letting the water hit your face. Everything about this was so rejuvenating and you were starting to feel so much better than you were before. Chan’s bathroom was so nice and comforting, he had everything neatly placed and lined up, and the entire area was just clean. You had almost forgotten how much you enjoyed being at his place, it was nicer than you remembered.

After your shower you got out, and went to get dressed in the set of clothes Chan had for you. Thankfully he had some clothing his sister would leave behind whenever she visited, and you happened to fit everything, so it worked perfectly. However, instead of wearing one of the shirts she had, you decided to wear one of chan’s shirts, your excuse being that ‘none of them fit’ but they did, you just wanted to wear something of his.

After getting dressed you greeted him back in the living room where he was leaned back on the couch watching whatever he had on. He had also ended up changing, wearing a T-shirt and those deadly gray sweatpants. You had to stop yourself from jumping on him right then and there, but you also had to remind yourself that he definitely didn’t bring you here for that.

Geez, you could atleast throw away your horny-ness to the side.

You waved to him and he smiled at you, taking in your features and watching as his smile grew even bigger.

“You look better in that shirt than I do, keep it.” He tells you, and you obviously insist.

A little after that, you guys began to play the games that he had promised you would. There were some surprising moments were you actually won against him in the games you were playing.

“Woow, after 2 months y/n finally has a win streak.” Chan teased and you stuck your tongue out at him.

“Whatever Chan, just admit that you’ve gotten worse over the last time you actually saw me.” You boast, and he rolled his eyes.

The night continued on just like that, you two losing track of time and absolutely enjoying each other’s presence. All of your worries left your body as you two hung out, and honestly you wondered why you never took the time to contact him whenever you wanted to hang out.

After awhile, you both insisted on just relaxing and watching whatever movie you wanted to watch. As you both continued to watch the movie, you could feel Chan’s eyes on you every now and then. It made you a bit squirmy since you were sure why he would steal glances at you, and you weren’t sure what was going through his mind as he looked at you.

“Is there a reason you keep looking at me?” You decided to ask, the suspense honestly suffocating you.

Chan gave a sly chuckle and fully turned to you, and you did the same. He looked so good to you that it took every fiber in your body not to jump on him where he was. You had to keep telling yourself that wasn’t what you were brought here for, and so all you could do was let out a shaky breath as he answered.

“Can I be honest with you?” He says, his gaze getting a bit more serious, and you shrunk a bit in your spot.

“Of course, what’s up?” You say, afraid of his question.

“I’ve honestly had a thing for you for awhile now.” He’d admit.

You stare at him without saying anything for a minute, shocked by his confession. Chan could’ve had any other person on campus and he was choosing you? How long did he have this small crush on you without saying anything? Chan cleared his throat, a look of worry on his face as you hadn’t answered him after he spoke.

“Oh-! I’m sorry, I was just.. I’m shocked?” You say, an audible question mark at the end of your sentence, because in truth you weren’t really sure of what you were feeling.

“Shocked? How come?” He asked, it was like he genuinely didn’t know that he was the most desirable person on your university campus and everyone almost treated him like a celebrity.

“Well — it’s just that… you’re kind of popular on campus and—“ You began before he sighed loudly, cutting you off.

“C’mon! Not you too!! I’m not all that popular, I’m just really outgoing than most people at our school so everyone considers me as some kind of celebrity.” He says.

You hum in understanding to his words, realizing that hadn’t been taken into consideration. You realized that if you were him you’d be upset too if you were considered a popular figure on campus while you were just normally living your life.

“I’m sorry… I guess I hadn’t thought about it like that.” You sheepishly say, and he gives you a loud laugh.

“Does my ‘popularity’ change how you view me in the midst of my confession?” He asks and you briefly sit in thought.

Despite how you viewed him before, you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t have thoughts of your own about him. You did find him extremely attractive, even while you were with your ex boyfriend. Of course you were loyal so you weren’t about to try and pursue him, but you were often curious about the romantic aspects of him.

“I’m a little intimidated.” You admit and he chuckles.

“What intimidates you?” He asked, his tone a little more serious now given the situation.

You didn’t even realize how close he was to you now, his face just mere inches from yours. You were starting to think that meeting him tonight and finding out that he liked you had to be some sort of coincidence or just a prank he was pulling. It’s not like you guys didn’t hang out enough for you to be qualified as a crush for him, but it still shocked you that he could be interested in you, someone who clearly didn’t have themselves together. The times you hung out with Chan you had always assumed that he only saw you as a friend and nothing more, but you were so engrossed in your boyfriend that you hadn’t even noticed his slight advances towards you, even after you and your ex broke up. All those times he tried to reach out to you, all those times you spent crying in your room when you could’ve been here, with him, they were a result of you being so strung up on your ex that you didn’t realize that you did have someone who wanted you romantically.

You didn’t pay attention to Chan then, and it got to the point where you had pushed all those memories of him to the back of your mind as you only associated him with someone your ex was close friends with. But the more he sat here in front of you, the more you realize how he was there for you all along, even if you tried to convince yourself that he wasn’t. You had always told yourself that you guys weren’t as close as he gave off, but being here in his apartment had reminded you of all the good times the two of you did have together. You were a little stupid, but you’re also only human, you can’t help that a heartbreak made you push things away, it was how you coped. You regret it, yet you were amazed that Chan held onto this crush of his for so long even when you were pushing him away.

You wanted this, and you had to stop letting your past get in the way of the way you saw him, because now, maybe you were starting to realize that you liked him too, those feelings that you kept locked away finally breaking free and reminding you of everything you tried to push away. You did like him, you liked him a lot actually, yet you let your thoughts get in the way of trying to pursue anything with him. Always convincing yourself that he didn’t see you in that way, and thinking that he would never date you after you dated his good friend, but you see that he didn’t care about any of that.

“What.. Do you like about me?” You ask, inching closer towards him, your voice innocent but your intentions were not.

Chan fought to hold back a smile, realizing the kind of game you were trying to play. He took your hands into his, pulling you closer so that your bodies were practically touching, his eyes staring into yours.

“Well.. I like your laugh.. everytime I hear it my heart skips a beat.” He begins, leaning forward to kiss your neck. His lips brushed against a sensitive area and it tickled a bit, causing you to giggle.

“I feel like everything about you is worth knowing, I wanna know everything that makes you, you.” He murmurs against your neck in the trail of kisses he was leaving behind.

By now your entire body was on fire, melting to each and every one of his gentle touches made against your skin. He was holding you so lovingly against his body, kissing and praising each part of your body that he loved, lingering on the parts that he loved the most, like your lips and near your eyes. You fell apart and let him have every inch of you that he wanted, every inch of you that he loved. You couldn’t help the involuntary moans and whimpers that escaped your lips each time he made you feel good, his lips making soft marks against your skin. You had never felt the way he was making you now, loved and appreciated.

“And God do I love your smile. The more you spent time with him the more I felt like I’d never see it again.” He says, a hand underneath your chin as he pulls away, bringing your face back to his.

“But then you smiled at me tonight, a genuine happy smile, and It was like meeting you all over again.” He admits and you stare at him with glossy eyes as he stares at you with stars in his eyes, like he was looking at the most beautiful thing on this earth.

“Let me make up for what he lacked, I promise to be better than he was. A lot better.”

With that, his lips were pressed against yours, taking them in a starved kiss. The kiss that was shared between you grew more needy, more desperate as his strong hands wander and explore your body further. It was messy, his tongue deep into your mouth and dominating the heated makeout session you two were sharing. The second you pulled away for air you looked at him with lustful eyes.

“Fuck me– I wanna be yours, only yours, please Chan-” You beg and he doesn’t hesitate to push you back against his couch.

“You don’t have to beg baby, whatever you want it’s yours.” He’d tell you and you don’t think you’ve ever undressed yourself so fast in your entire life.

The two of you were naked now, clothes thrown across the floor and disregarded and to be worried about later. He was between your legs and kissing at your chest like his life depended on it, his dick pressing snug against your entrance. Each time he moved upwards to kiss at your collarbones the tip of his dick would push at your throbbing clit, causing you to buck your hips up into him. With the way he swirled his tongue against your nipples, sucking and biting at them and pulling at them with his teeth you swore you were going to cum from that alone. Your body was already trembling with need, your arousal leaking onto the fabric of the couch below you. His precum coated the both of you, feeling as it dripped down to between your thighs, creating a filthy mix underneath you.

“Tell me, did he fuck you good?” He whispered, his lips now resting at your collarbones and kissing them lazily.

You shake your head, “N-no..” You admit.

As much as you didn’t want it to be, it was true. 3 years of a relationship with him and he couldn’t even make you cum, not even once.

Chan scoffed, taking himself into his hands and lining himself up to your entrance. He poked and prodded at it, dipping just the tip inside of you every now and then, earning a breathy moan from you every time.

“I know you’ll make me feel way better than he could though.” You say, a rather seductive grin on your face as you looked at him.

You feel his dick twitching at your words, or maybe it could’ve been how fucked out you looked despite not even fucking him yet. Whatever it was, it pulled an unexpected whine from Chan and he didn’t think for a second longer to enter you, pushing his entire length into you and bottoming out. Soft “Yeah, I know”s falling from his lips as he practically cradled you in his arms, feeling your body while he held you. Your jaw dropped and your eyebrows furrowed at the stretch, and you bite down on your lower lip to keep from letting out a loud moan. He began to roll his hips into you, and you didn’t stop the string of curses and moans that fell from your mouth. The couch underneath the two of you scooted and creaked with each hard thrust he made, the once quiet room now full of sinful noises made by you two. Your cunt squelched with every thrust he made, the slick from your arousal coating his entire dick each time it disappeared into you.

You were scratching at his back, your back arched and body melting into his own, allowing the two of you to be tangled together in your own little world.

“Fuck you feel so good around me, I can’t believe he– didn’t know how to fuck you good enough.” Chan groaned, his thrusts inside of you picking up speed, the creaking of the couch growing louder.

“That’s it, I got you baby-” He muttered into the crook of your neck, soft moans leaving his mouth each time your cunt took him deeper.

His hips were a little slower now, almost as if he was trying to make love to you rather than just fuck you. His hands wandered your body again, squeezing and adoring every part of you. He left sloppy wet kisses against your neck again, his eyes squeezed shut in absolute bliss as he continued to rock his hips into you. He was absolutely pussy drunk at this point, his hips often stuttering from getting too lost in the feeling of having you around him. He was doing everything in his power not to cum before you, but the more he kept you underneath him the more that grew harder to do.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, and god everything about you is just perfect.” He’d ramble, constant praises and words of appreciation falling from his lips like he was stuck in a daze.

“So good– you’re so good to me Channie- oh, fuck-” You whimper, your walls fluttering around him, indicating how close in orgasm you were.

“You’re mine, yeah? You don’t have to worry about him anymore- tell me you’re mine, wanna hear it from your pretty mouth–” He’d moan, his own sounds starting to get a little louder than your own the more you two kept on.

You felt him trembling on top of you, his face buried deep into your neck to try and suppress the loud filthy noises coming from his mouth. You frantically nod, wanting to just feel him cum inside of you, you wanted him to make you his already.

“Yours Channie! I’m yours baby– all yours baby-” You moan, earning a choked noise from Chan in approval of your words.

Tears pricked in his eyes, assuming because after trying so hard to get you to notice him, he finally had you. He never admitted it, but he hated seeing you with your ex, he knew how much of a trash person he was, the two were best friends after all. Once he laid eyes on you, he was infatuated with you. Chan wanted nothing more than to take you from his best friend and treat you a lot better than he ever could. He saw how miserable you were, and how controlling his friend got with you, and he hated it. He knew the two of you had already broken up, but he wanted to hear it from you. Now that he got the chance, he wasn’t about to let it go, he was going to be the best boyfriend you deserved.

A few rough thrusts later and you came undone all over his dick, a white ring forming at the base of it. Shortly after you came, Chan let out a loud grunt, thick ropes of cum coating your walls and spilling out from your cunt, practically filling you up. A comforting silence fell across the living room, nothing else being heard but pants as the two of you came down from your highs. Chan held you tightly in his arms, almost like he was afraid of letting you go and leaving him again. As he laid on your chest, you kissed the top of his head and twirled strands of his hair.

Chan pulled away from you, staring deep into your eyes, a loving look in his eyes. He wanted to tell you that he loved you, that you meant so much to him, but he didn’t want to scare you off. After all, it took a long time just to get you two in a situation like this, and he only saw it as fate rather than as a coincidence. He’d just have to settle on helping you heal, and maybe someday he’ll gain the confidence to tell you the words he so badly wanted to say.

For now, he held himself back and only dipped back down to take your lips in for a sweet gentle kiss, in which you gracefully returned. It wasn’t rushed, it was more passionate and full of love, like he was saying that he loves you without actually saying it. He lingered on your lips for a bit after the kiss ended, a huge sitting grin on his lips.

He didn’t mind the way things were now, because at the end of the day, you were his now, and that was a win for him alone.

(perm taglist)

@compersian // @hyuneyeon // @hynjinnnnnnnn // @ihrtlix // @elizalabs3 // @strawberry31 // @prettymiye0n // @minhwa // @mariteez // @ot8girlfie // @lolareadsimagines // @anskiiz // @chasethenxphilim // @hanjingin // @s00buwu

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©️seungminssangel

Please do not translate, paste my work to another platform, rewrite or copy my work without my permission. Thank you.

I feel like a deer that’s been hit by a car and left to die almost everyday of my life btw

Mind break with changbin👀

🫨 I love you for this cause this is a need

Warning; this came out a bit more dub-con than I intended, please know that there is consent in mind in this scene. Read at your own discretion.

"Let Binnie take care of it."

That's how it always starts, whenever he notices the thousand yard stare in your eyes, or the way you seem detached from yourself.

"That cute little head of yours is so loud, huh, Bunny? It's okay, Binnie's here, Binnie will make it all go away."

Then a kiss, sealing his promise with the softness of his lips against yours - a contrast from the hard grip on the back of your neck keeping you in place.

It was a balance he mastered with ease - a soft touch that made your heart flutter here, a harsh bite that made your knees buckle there, a hard smack to your ass here, a gentle swirl of his tongue around your nipple there.

Push and pull.

"You can take it, can't you?"

Even after taking two orgasms from you - the first bringing you back to your mind and the second bringing you back to your senses - you weren't sure if you were able to even handle having him inside of you, much less having another orgasm.

"I-I can't, I don't think-"

"Don't think," he scolded, his hands squeezing the back of your thighs, "you can take it and you will, right, Bunny? You'll take it for Binnie, won't you?"

You could take him, couldn't you? You could always take more of him, right? You could never have enough, there was no such thing as too much when it came to him.

"I... I can take it, Binnie... I want it, please."

You wanted it. You wanted him. You needed him.

"That's my good bunny." He hummed with pride, and before you knew it, he was pushing his thick tip past your walls with trained ease. "Binnie always knows what you need, yeah? Binnie knows best, you don't need to think any more, understand?"

Binnie will take care of it. Binnie knows what's best. Binnie always knows what his Bunny needs.

You nodded your head dumbly, eyes glazing as you blinked up at him, "Binnie knows best for Bunny."

Locking your legs in place, his hips snapped forward with a sharp thrust, punching a moan from your throat as you gripped the sheets underneath you.

"That's right, Bunny."

i am never talking to a cishet person again. did you know some of these people believe that watching porn is cheating

Pairing : bully!Yandere!Hwang Hyunjin x F!Reader TW : yandere ; very dark themes ; emotional abuse ; manipulation ; physical fighting ; verbal fighting ; HEAVILY TRIGGERING ; domestic abuse ; physical abuse ; Word Count : 3.6k

Your relationship with Hyunjin was tumultuous, there was no other way to describe it, and there was no way to explain why it’s the way it is either. There was nothing particularly wrong, but there was absolutely nothing right about it either. The two of you being together was the perfect storm, a natural disaster that left nothing but pain and destruction in its wake. 

Standing in the bathroom you stared at yourself in the mirror, bruises littered your shoulders and your arms where Hyunjins fingers had grabbed you just a little too tight. Scratches and deep cuts lined your skin from when he’d get so mad objects would be thrown around the house, glass shattering on the floor and ricocheting back up against your legs. Handprint shaped blotches of red would sting at your cheeks, serving as a stark reminder to what you went through just to be with him. 

Why were you still with him? It was a solid question, but one that you never actually thought to ask yourself, or at least, you didn’t want to think too hard about the answer. Right now though, you were with him because he loved you. Of course he loved you, there was no one else in the world that would ever love you as much as he did, there was no one else in the universe that would follow you around wherever you went and be willing to fight with you over such mundane things like bumping into a man by accident in the grocery store. He only fought with you because he absolutely cherished you, because he was trying to do anything to keep you with him. 

How could he possibly love you when he was laying his hands on you so often, with such frequency that it almost seemed like he was enjoying it at this point? There were men out there that would be willing to love you in ways much better than he did, in ways that you didn’t even know existed. Your body would be worshiped, your every word would be listened to, your every move and every breath, everything about you… You would be doted upon like a queen in her castle. But to receive that kind of love after this… When the love that Hyunjin gave you was the only kind of love that you knew… It would be like emotional whiplash, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

At some point you had grown accustomed to the love that Hyunjin would thrust upon you, and sometimes you’d await it, knowing that when he was finished with his assault you’d be loved in a way that had tears stinging in your eyes and your jaw slacked as he would take you to highs that were unreachable by any kind of drug. Hyunjin was an amazing lover, he just loved differently… There wasn’t anything wrong with that. 

“You had to sneak out again, didn’t you?” Your friend asked when she noticed your eyes drifting to the window more than once, a look of fear flashing across your face when you saw anyone that even remotely looked like Hyunjin. “Why won’t you just leave him? You look like you got your ass beat, Y/N… It’s not good…” The sleeves that you had rolled up due to the summer heat were now slid back down your arms to cover the fresh bruises that darkened your skin in various places. 

“I’m… I’m fine… I just bumped into the wall, that’s all.” Another excuse to defend him, it’s what you always did. Your friends knew better though, they could see the shape of every splotch that littered your body, they perfectly matched the shape of a hand and fingers that gripped onto you too tightly. “Really… I’m fine.” You tried to reassure her, but she looked so disappointed in you that you could only bow your head, unable to even look her in the eye anymore. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore…” You mumbled, and you knew that she wouldn’t push it. There was no point, not when you had made it quite clear from the getgo that you weren’t going to leave him. 

A lot of people would call it stockholm syndrome, the way you excused everything he did, the way you genuinely loved him no matter how much pain he caused you. You had so many opportunities to get away from him, to tell someone about what he did, but you never said anything, and you always went right back to him. You personally didn’t think of it that way… you weren’t making excuses for him, you were fine, you didn’t want to leave him. Your relationship with him was just… different, and people didn’t seem to understand that. 

“Baby…” His voice cooed from behind you, and you couldn’t help but jump, whipping around to face him with wide eyes and a sheepish smile, your body already trembling when you saw the look in his eyes. The bell above the door hadn’t rang out, or maybe you just hadn’t heard it… But your friend didn’t react to his sudden appearance either, not until he was right there behind you, his hands firmly gripping onto your shoulders as you sat in your seat. “You didn’t tell me that you were going out today…” He sang out the words, sounding as sweet as possible, and to everyone else in the little cafe, he probably was a sweet guy. They didn’t feel the pain of his fingers pressing deeper and deeper into the dip of your shoulders, his nails breaking the skin beneath your shirt. 

“I invited her out, I came and I picked her up.” Your friend spoke up quickly, her eyes narrowed at your boyfriend. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was about to jump across the table and attack him, and maybe she wanted to, well, not even maybe, you knew she wanted to… But she wouldn’t, not here. “I just wanted to talk to her about work and stuff and how hard it’s been for me, she’s my best friend.” Oh, ever your protector, your friend thinking she was taking the fall for you being out today, but her excuses wouldn’t make him waiver. He already knew what he was going to do, and he was dead set on doing it. 

“Hmm…” Hyunjin hummed from behind you, his chin falling against the top of your head as his thumbs began to knead roughly into your back, right against your shoulder blade. “Well, it looks like the coffee is all gone now… I’ll be taking her home with me.” His hands slipped down your shoulders until he got to your elbow, quickly yanking you up off the chair and pulling you toward the exit. 

“Y/N!” Your friend called to you, and while you knew it would only get you into more trouble, you couldn’t help it, stopping in the middle of the cafe and turning to look at her as Hyunjin continued to try to yank against your arm. “Call me… Okay? Please…” She said, just loud enough for you to hear her, but you knew it was loud enough for Hyunjin to hear too, and he gave one last yank, pulling you with such force that you crashed against his side. 

“Defiance isn’t a good quality to have, baby.” Hyunjin said to you as if you were a baby, but it wasn’t for you that he spoke like that, it was to protect his image in a way. Speaking so softly would somehow make everyone who walks by overlook you, make them completely ignore the way his hand was wrapped so tightly around your arm that his thumb was almost touching his other fingers. 

You were being dragged toward his car, well, not actually dragged, you were willingly walking next to him, but anyone that knew the way he was, they’d naturally assume you were being taken against your will. “I wasn’t being defiant, I was going out for coffee with a friend.” You stated the truth simply, but the fact that you talked back in general seemed to irritate him. 

He quickly opened the passenger door, practically shoving you into the vehicle before slamming the door behind you. You were in for it when you got home, that much you were aware of. The way he stormed around to the drivers side and climbed in, the entire car seemed to be permeated by the anger he was exuding. “Always making me seem like the bad guy…” He mumbled as he shoved his key into the ignition. “I saw the way she looked at you… At me… She’s worried about you…” He continued to talk to himself as he pulled out of the parking spot, the rambling only further proving that your pessimistic train of thought was heading in the right direction. “She wouldn’t have to worry if you didn’t tell her so much. You shouldn’t be hanging out with her anyway, especially when I’m not around. You disobeyed me, you broke my rules… and I’m the villain.” He scoffed loudly, glancing over to you with the most sinister look in his eyes. “Ain’t that funny? You’re the one who makes me this way… but I’m the one who gets shit for it.” 

Your body was already tense, like a wrestler about to go into the ring, but you didn't have someone off to the side to give you a pep talk, you didn’t have anyone in your corner. It was you and Hyunjin, Hyunjin and you, no one else to stop what was coming. “Nobody would know what’s going on if you didn’t leave so many marks…” You mumbled, pulling your sleeves down even more to cover your hands as you curled up in the seat. 

Speaking back was always testy for you, he either loved it or hated it, it just depended on his mood. You probably should have known better considering you had snuck out of the house today and he was already pissed off, but you hated it when he tried to make himself the victim of what he did to you. “What was that?” He whispered, his knuckles a ghostly pale around the steering wheel. You didn’t say anything though, continuing to stare out the window, but you knew that when the car slowly came to a halt that he had his opening, even if only for the short amount of time that the light was red. 

The whipping of his head in your direction was enough to have a small gust of wind coming towards you. Defiance, disobeying him, talking back to him, these were all things that would land you in the washroom holding cold rags and ice packs over the bruises that he created while bandaging up the cuts and scrapes due to his ill controlled temper. Would he wait to get into the house to begin or would he start in the car, you weren’t sure. 

“Everything that I do for you, everything that I buy for you…” His head shook slowly, his breaths ragged although you weren’t sure whether it was because he was about to cry or because he was so pissed off. “It’s never enough for you, nothing is ever enough for you… But I love you enough to keep trying…” 

You rolled your eyes, the reflection of it perfectly mirrored back to him through the window. “Oh please, Hyunjin. We’re in the car, there’s no need for your narcissistic self pity act.” You muttered, already aware that you were in for it when you got home, so why not go big while you were still going strong? Before you could even turn your head to look at him, a firm grip was held in your hair, yanking your head back to forcefully turn you in his direction. 

“You’re pushing it.” He hissed, those three words alone holding a heavy threat, and while you never knew what he was fully capable of, you’d like to think that deep down in him somewhere there was some sort of love for you that would keep him from actually killing you, although he’s dropped the threat a few times before during bigger arguments. He forcefully pushed your head back against the window, not enough to actually hurt you, but the banging of your head against it had left you with a throbbing ache in the area. “Your friend is more trouble than she’s worth. Making you think you can talk back to me like this… Act like this. I don’t know who you think you are, but it’s gonna end real quick.” 

It felt like it took forever to get to the house, or maybe he had just somehow caught every single red light on the way home, but you were sort of thankful for the little bit of time that you had to prepare yourself before he pulled into the driveway. You knew that once you walked through that front door, you would be in a world of hell. 

Before he even put the car into park, you were undoing your seatbelt and rushing into the house, believing that maybe, just maybe if you got into the bedroom and locked the door behind you he wouldn’t come after you. It was wishful thinking, foolish thinking as well, but it didn’t stop you from doing it. It also gave you a little bit more time to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for what was to come. Hyunjn was beyond pissed off now, and there was no turning back. You just needed to buy yourself a little more time before you faced it head on. 

The sound of the front door being slammed shut had you falling back onto the bed, curling up into yourself as heavy booted footsteps carried him closer to the bedroom. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off at the door, neither did you, but it was strange for him not to. Your heart was hammering in your ears, the heavy beating of it almost enough to completely block out the sound of his fist pounding against the bedroom door. 

“Open the damn door, Y/N!” He shouted, his voice sounding more like the villain in a horror movie than that of your boyfriend that, for some reason, you still loved and adored. “You’re making this harder on yourself… Why are you so. fucking.  stupid!” His words were accented with a pounding of his fist, punctuated by the loud banging of the door, the wood sounding like it was cracking now under his fists. 

“Just… Just go away, Hyunjin!” You called out, although your voice sounded far weaker in comparison to his. “I don’t want to fight with you… I just want to be alone right now.” He never listened, you weren’t sure why you thought that today of all days he’d listen to you now… But the silence that followed filled you with a bit of hope, that maybe he was as sick of the fighting as you were. Again, wishful thinking on your part, and a bit of forgetfulness. The sound of a key being turned in the doorknob, and you were far too slow in processing what exactly was going on, unable to get up and lock the door before it was being pushed open. 

“Why don’t you listen?” He asked, standing in the doorframe, the key still in the slot as he stared at you on the bed. “You do this shit on purpose so you can run to anyone who will listen and cry about what you cause.” He was narrating as he walked closer to you, and there was only so much bed for you to crawl back on to separate yourself from him. “You won’t even look at me when I’m talking to you…” He climbed on the bed in front of you, practically trapping you against the headboard. “Why are you so disrespectful?” Your refusal to answer only fueled his anger, nothing you did or said was good enough for him, it never would be, not when he was like this. 

A quick stinging slap had tears pricking your eyes, but your attention was fully on him again as his hands moved down to grip your wrists, the circulation being cut off had your fingertips going numb. “Why… Why don’t you love me?” You whimpered, sniffling softly as you stared up at him. “Why do you keep hurting me…?” The question had his head tilting, like a confused puppy that didn’t understand the words of its owner, but you knew that you didn’t own him… He owned you, that much was made obvious on a daily basis. 

Strangely enough though, his hands loosened their grip on you, the feeling of blood rushing back to your fingers sent a painful cold through the extremities. “Love you…? You think… I don’t… Love you?” He questioned, backing up off the bed, and you truly thought that your words had stopped him before things had gotten any worse. Maybe he’d leave you alone in the bedroom as he thought about what he was doing, about what he had done… Maybe he’d finally stop. 

“I just… I want to be with you… I want to stay with you… I love you so much, Hyunjin…” You whispered, your eyes following him as he walked around the room. Was he thinking about your words? Was he thinking at all? You wished that you knew what was going through his mind. Just as you were about to get up off the bed, wanting to go over to him, wrap your arms around him from behind and just hold him, soften him up, a picture of the two of you off the dresser was thrown across the room. The glass from the frame shattered and ricocheted off the wall, sprinkling the bed in tiny shards that reflected the sun shining in through the window. 

“Then why do you do this to me?!” He screamed, his hands twitching towards another photo. “Why do you go against me? Why do you go behind my back? Why do you sneak out of this house that I got for you, for us?!” His hand, with lightning speed, grabbed the photo and beamed it towards you. You were already curled up into yourself, your arms wrapped tightly around your knees and your head ducked down to try to protect yourself as much as possible, but the edge of the frame stabbed into your legs, the force behind the throw causing it to almost imbed itself into your skin as the glass cracked on impact. 

You yelped in pain, sobbing against your knees. “I’m… Not… D-Doing anything!” You tried to shout, but you were so broken, like a porcelain doll left in an abandoned home, slowly rotting away, time itself destroying you… Except it wasn’t time that was breaking you down, it was Hyunjin and the time that you were with him. You were fragile, far too fragile to stay with someone like him, but you loved him, and in moments like this, you couldn’t understand why. “I… I love you… Hyunjin…” 

“Then fucking act like you do!” He walked back over to the bed, grabbing your arms that were still cocooning your legs against yourself, dragging you across the glass shard covered mattress until you were on the floor. “I love you, I respect you! All I ask is for the same thing in return!” It was crazy, the way he thought that this was love and respect… That hurting you was a form of showing love. You would never return the favor though, because you would never think of hurting him, you could never bring yourself to fight back. You truly loved him, far too much to even try to protect yourself. 

“Hyunjin…” You whispered his name, finally lifting your head from your arms and looking up at him and then glancing down at your arm, noticing the blood that was slowly making its way down to your hands. Your legs stung with the fragments of glass that had stabbed their way through your pants and into your legs when he had dragged you across the bed. “Can I… Get a bandaid… Or something… I’m bleeding kind of bad right now…” You said softly, and that’s when his eyes softened, it was the only time he seemed to lighten up, when he saw the physical damage that he caused first hand. 

“Baby…” He cooed, his touch light now as he lifted you up off the floor, quickly rolling up your sleeve and letting out an audible gasp when he saw the deep gash that the corner of the picture frame had left on your arm. “Look what you made me do… Are you happy?” He tsked his tongue, tears clinging to his eyelashes that he quickly blinked away as he sniffled softly. “I hate hurting you, baby… I really do… I just want you to stay with me forever… I don’t want you to hurt me…” 

You nodded your head slowly before letting yourself crash against him, your arms wrapping tightly around his waist as you finally let yourself cry. “I’m sorry… I won’t do it again… I love you, Hyunnie…” You whimpered against his shirt, feeling his lips press against the top of your head. He was so soft, so sweet… You could never leave him. He wasn’t awful, he wasn’t mean… He was just scared, scared that you’d leave him, that you’d hurt him… You would never though. You loved him too much, you were his entirely, you could only hope that one day he’d truly realize that. 

Ame-chan's date game - tease pic from Nyalra