Dolly Wink~

ten things lee know says when he thinks you’re asleep — fluff, established relationship, squint of angst

chan | LEE KNOW | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

one. ah, i forgot to tell you, there's a new barbecue place that opened recently. i saw it while i was walking with hannie, and i heard they have really good meat. we should go there soon, maybe have it over a few drinks. i'll buy you meat, let's go eat it together.

two. yongbok tells me i should tell you 'i love you' more. i think he's right. i'm sorry if i don't say it enough. i'm just—new to this. but i really do love you, more than you know.

three. i never feel like i'm wasting my time when i'm with you. even if we're just sitting beside each other in silence, even if we're just drinking tea, even if we do nothing for hours. every moment i spend with you feels so fulfilling. it would be hell with anyone else.

four. soonie, doongie, dori need a mom, hm? they already love you anyway. sometimes i think doongie loves you more than he loves me. i think it's because he's most like me. ahh, do you think they'll love our kids in the future too? do you think they'll get jealous they won't be our only kids? (sigh) i can't wait to marry you.

five. when i'm having a really hard day, i feel healed just by having you with me. how do you do that? how do you make my day better just by talking to me for a minute? i think... wait, i know life is less of a hassle because i'm living in it with you.

six. i've never been the type to wish for time to stop, but there is something about being with you that makes me consider it. when i look at you laughing, unaware that you look so beautiful, i understand for a moment.

seven. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. please don’t leave me. i’m sorry. i hate seeing you cry. i hate that it’s because of me. i’m sorry. please stay with me.

eight. i always find myself describing you when someone asks me what love is.

nine. you promised to eat well, didn't you? did we promise? i guess it wasn't a promise, but i asked you to do so. are you eating well lately?

ten. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. and for as long as i’m alive, you will always be loved.

弘前公園　Hirosaki Park, ELCAN KE-7A

Pairing : bully!Yandere!Hwang Hyunjin x F!Reader TW : yandere ; very dark themes ; emotional abuse ; manipulation ; physical fighting ; verbal fighting ; HEAVILY TRIGGERING ; domestic abuse ; physical abuse ; Word Count : 3.6k

Your relationship with Hyunjin was tumultuous, there was no other way to describe it, and there was no way to explain why it’s the way it is either. There was nothing particularly wrong, but there was absolutely nothing right about it either. The two of you being together was the perfect storm, a natural disaster that left nothing but pain and destruction in its wake. 

Standing in the bathroom you stared at yourself in the mirror, bruises littered your shoulders and your arms where Hyunjins fingers had grabbed you just a little too tight. Scratches and deep cuts lined your skin from when he’d get so mad objects would be thrown around the house, glass shattering on the floor and ricocheting back up against your legs. Handprint shaped blotches of red would sting at your cheeks, serving as a stark reminder to what you went through just to be with him. 

Why were you still with him? It was a solid question, but one that you never actually thought to ask yourself, or at least, you didn’t want to think too hard about the answer. Right now though, you were with him because he loved you. Of course he loved you, there was no one else in the world that would ever love you as much as he did, there was no one else in the universe that would follow you around wherever you went and be willing to fight with you over such mundane things like bumping into a man by accident in the grocery store. He only fought with you because he absolutely cherished you, because he was trying to do anything to keep you with him. 

How could he possibly love you when he was laying his hands on you so often, with such frequency that it almost seemed like he was enjoying it at this point? There were men out there that would be willing to love you in ways much better than he did, in ways that you didn’t even know existed. Your body would be worshiped, your every word would be listened to, your every move and every breath, everything about you… You would be doted upon like a queen in her castle. But to receive that kind of love after this… When the love that Hyunjin gave you was the only kind of love that you knew… It would be like emotional whiplash, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

At some point you had grown accustomed to the love that Hyunjin would thrust upon you, and sometimes you’d await it, knowing that when he was finished with his assault you’d be loved in a way that had tears stinging in your eyes and your jaw slacked as he would take you to highs that were unreachable by any kind of drug. Hyunjin was an amazing lover, he just loved differently… There wasn’t anything wrong with that. 

“You had to sneak out again, didn’t you?” Your friend asked when she noticed your eyes drifting to the window more than once, a look of fear flashing across your face when you saw anyone that even remotely looked like Hyunjin. “Why won’t you just leave him? You look like you got your ass beat, Y/N… It’s not good…” The sleeves that you had rolled up due to the summer heat were now slid back down your arms to cover the fresh bruises that darkened your skin in various places. 

“I’m… I’m fine… I just bumped into the wall, that’s all.” Another excuse to defend him, it’s what you always did. Your friends knew better though, they could see the shape of every splotch that littered your body, they perfectly matched the shape of a hand and fingers that gripped onto you too tightly. “Really… I’m fine.” You tried to reassure her, but she looked so disappointed in you that you could only bow your head, unable to even look her in the eye anymore. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore…” You mumbled, and you knew that she wouldn’t push it. There was no point, not when you had made it quite clear from the getgo that you weren’t going to leave him. 

A lot of people would call it stockholm syndrome, the way you excused everything he did, the way you genuinely loved him no matter how much pain he caused you. You had so many opportunities to get away from him, to tell someone about what he did, but you never said anything, and you always went right back to him. You personally didn’t think of it that way… you weren’t making excuses for him, you were fine, you didn’t want to leave him. Your relationship with him was just… different, and people didn’t seem to understand that. 

“Baby…” His voice cooed from behind you, and you couldn’t help but jump, whipping around to face him with wide eyes and a sheepish smile, your body already trembling when you saw the look in his eyes. The bell above the door hadn’t rang out, or maybe you just hadn’t heard it… But your friend didn’t react to his sudden appearance either, not until he was right there behind you, his hands firmly gripping onto your shoulders as you sat in your seat. “You didn’t tell me that you were going out today…” He sang out the words, sounding as sweet as possible, and to everyone else in the little cafe, he probably was a sweet guy. They didn’t feel the pain of his fingers pressing deeper and deeper into the dip of your shoulders, his nails breaking the skin beneath your shirt. 

“I invited her out, I came and I picked her up.” Your friend spoke up quickly, her eyes narrowed at your boyfriend. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was about to jump across the table and attack him, and maybe she wanted to, well, not even maybe, you knew she wanted to… But she wouldn’t, not here. “I just wanted to talk to her about work and stuff and how hard it’s been for me, she’s my best friend.” Oh, ever your protector, your friend thinking she was taking the fall for you being out today, but her excuses wouldn’t make him waiver. He already knew what he was going to do, and he was dead set on doing it. 

“Hmm…” Hyunjin hummed from behind you, his chin falling against the top of your head as his thumbs began to knead roughly into your back, right against your shoulder blade. “Well, it looks like the coffee is all gone now… I’ll be taking her home with me.” His hands slipped down your shoulders until he got to your elbow, quickly yanking you up off the chair and pulling you toward the exit. 

“Y/N!” Your friend called to you, and while you knew it would only get you into more trouble, you couldn’t help it, stopping in the middle of the cafe and turning to look at her as Hyunjin continued to try to yank against your arm. “Call me… Okay? Please…” She said, just loud enough for you to hear her, but you knew it was loud enough for Hyunjin to hear too, and he gave one last yank, pulling you with such force that you crashed against his side. 

“Defiance isn’t a good quality to have, baby.” Hyunjin said to you as if you were a baby, but it wasn’t for you that he spoke like that, it was to protect his image in a way. Speaking so softly would somehow make everyone who walks by overlook you, make them completely ignore the way his hand was wrapped so tightly around your arm that his thumb was almost touching his other fingers. 

You were being dragged toward his car, well, not actually dragged, you were willingly walking next to him, but anyone that knew the way he was, they’d naturally assume you were being taken against your will. “I wasn’t being defiant, I was going out for coffee with a friend.” You stated the truth simply, but the fact that you talked back in general seemed to irritate him. 

He quickly opened the passenger door, practically shoving you into the vehicle before slamming the door behind you. You were in for it when you got home, that much you were aware of. The way he stormed around to the drivers side and climbed in, the entire car seemed to be permeated by the anger he was exuding. “Always making me seem like the bad guy…” He mumbled as he shoved his key into the ignition. “I saw the way she looked at you… At me… She’s worried about you…” He continued to talk to himself as he pulled out of the parking spot, the rambling only further proving that your pessimistic train of thought was heading in the right direction. “She wouldn’t have to worry if you didn’t tell her so much. You shouldn’t be hanging out with her anyway, especially when I’m not around. You disobeyed me, you broke my rules… and I’m the villain.” He scoffed loudly, glancing over to you with the most sinister look in his eyes. “Ain’t that funny? You’re the one who makes me this way… but I’m the one who gets shit for it.” 

Your body was already tense, like a wrestler about to go into the ring, but you didn't have someone off to the side to give you a pep talk, you didn’t have anyone in your corner. It was you and Hyunjin, Hyunjin and you, no one else to stop what was coming. “Nobody would know what’s going on if you didn’t leave so many marks…” You mumbled, pulling your sleeves down even more to cover your hands as you curled up in the seat. 

Speaking back was always testy for you, he either loved it or hated it, it just depended on his mood. You probably should have known better considering you had snuck out of the house today and he was already pissed off, but you hated it when he tried to make himself the victim of what he did to you. “What was that?” He whispered, his knuckles a ghostly pale around the steering wheel. You didn’t say anything though, continuing to stare out the window, but you knew that when the car slowly came to a halt that he had his opening, even if only for the short amount of time that the light was red. 

The whipping of his head in your direction was enough to have a small gust of wind coming towards you. Defiance, disobeying him, talking back to him, these were all things that would land you in the washroom holding cold rags and ice packs over the bruises that he created while bandaging up the cuts and scrapes due to his ill controlled temper. Would he wait to get into the house to begin or would he start in the car, you weren’t sure. 

“Everything that I do for you, everything that I buy for you…” His head shook slowly, his breaths ragged although you weren’t sure whether it was because he was about to cry or because he was so pissed off. “It’s never enough for you, nothing is ever enough for you… But I love you enough to keep trying…” 

You rolled your eyes, the reflection of it perfectly mirrored back to him through the window. “Oh please, Hyunjin. We’re in the car, there’s no need for your narcissistic self pity act.” You muttered, already aware that you were in for it when you got home, so why not go big while you were still going strong? Before you could even turn your head to look at him, a firm grip was held in your hair, yanking your head back to forcefully turn you in his direction. 

“You’re pushing it.” He hissed, those three words alone holding a heavy threat, and while you never knew what he was fully capable of, you’d like to think that deep down in him somewhere there was some sort of love for you that would keep him from actually killing you, although he’s dropped the threat a few times before during bigger arguments. He forcefully pushed your head back against the window, not enough to actually hurt you, but the banging of your head against it had left you with a throbbing ache in the area. “Your friend is more trouble than she’s worth. Making you think you can talk back to me like this… Act like this. I don’t know who you think you are, but it’s gonna end real quick.” 

It felt like it took forever to get to the house, or maybe he had just somehow caught every single red light on the way home, but you were sort of thankful for the little bit of time that you had to prepare yourself before he pulled into the driveway. You knew that once you walked through that front door, you would be in a world of hell. 

Before he even put the car into park, you were undoing your seatbelt and rushing into the house, believing that maybe, just maybe if you got into the bedroom and locked the door behind you he wouldn’t come after you. It was wishful thinking, foolish thinking as well, but it didn’t stop you from doing it. It also gave you a little bit more time to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for what was to come. Hyunjn was beyond pissed off now, and there was no turning back. You just needed to buy yourself a little more time before you faced it head on. 

The sound of the front door being slammed shut had you falling back onto the bed, curling up into yourself as heavy booted footsteps carried him closer to the bedroom. He hadn’t even taken his shoes off at the door, neither did you, but it was strange for him not to. Your heart was hammering in your ears, the heavy beating of it almost enough to completely block out the sound of his fist pounding against the bedroom door. 

“Open the damn door, Y/N!” He shouted, his voice sounding more like the villain in a horror movie than that of your boyfriend that, for some reason, you still loved and adored. “You’re making this harder on yourself… Why are you so. fucking.  stupid!” His words were accented with a pounding of his fist, punctuated by the loud banging of the door, the wood sounding like it was cracking now under his fists. 

“Just… Just go away, Hyunjin!” You called out, although your voice sounded far weaker in comparison to his. “I don’t want to fight with you… I just want to be alone right now.” He never listened, you weren’t sure why you thought that today of all days he’d listen to you now… But the silence that followed filled you with a bit of hope, that maybe he was as sick of the fighting as you were. Again, wishful thinking on your part, and a bit of forgetfulness. The sound of a key being turned in the doorknob, and you were far too slow in processing what exactly was going on, unable to get up and lock the door before it was being pushed open. 

“Why don’t you listen?” He asked, standing in the doorframe, the key still in the slot as he stared at you on the bed. “You do this shit on purpose so you can run to anyone who will listen and cry about what you cause.” He was narrating as he walked closer to you, and there was only so much bed for you to crawl back on to separate yourself from him. “You won’t even look at me when I’m talking to you…” He climbed on the bed in front of you, practically trapping you against the headboard. “Why are you so disrespectful?” Your refusal to answer only fueled his anger, nothing you did or said was good enough for him, it never would be, not when he was like this. 

A quick stinging slap had tears pricking your eyes, but your attention was fully on him again as his hands moved down to grip your wrists, the circulation being cut off had your fingertips going numb. “Why… Why don’t you love me?” You whimpered, sniffling softly as you stared up at him. “Why do you keep hurting me…?” The question had his head tilting, like a confused puppy that didn’t understand the words of its owner, but you knew that you didn’t own him… He owned you, that much was made obvious on a daily basis. 

Strangely enough though, his hands loosened their grip on you, the feeling of blood rushing back to your fingers sent a painful cold through the extremities. “Love you…? You think… I don’t… Love you?” He questioned, backing up off the bed, and you truly thought that your words had stopped him before things had gotten any worse. Maybe he’d leave you alone in the bedroom as he thought about what he was doing, about what he had done… Maybe he’d finally stop. 

“I just… I want to be with you… I want to stay with you… I love you so much, Hyunjin…” You whispered, your eyes following him as he walked around the room. Was he thinking about your words? Was he thinking at all? You wished that you knew what was going through his mind. Just as you were about to get up off the bed, wanting to go over to him, wrap your arms around him from behind and just hold him, soften him up, a picture of the two of you off the dresser was thrown across the room. The glass from the frame shattered and ricocheted off the wall, sprinkling the bed in tiny shards that reflected the sun shining in through the window. 

“Then why do you do this to me?!” He screamed, his hands twitching towards another photo. “Why do you go against me? Why do you go behind my back? Why do you sneak out of this house that I got for you, for us?!” His hand, with lightning speed, grabbed the photo and beamed it towards you. You were already curled up into yourself, your arms wrapped tightly around your knees and your head ducked down to try to protect yourself as much as possible, but the edge of the frame stabbed into your legs, the force behind the throw causing it to almost imbed itself into your skin as the glass cracked on impact. 

You yelped in pain, sobbing against your knees. “I’m… Not… D-Doing anything!” You tried to shout, but you were so broken, like a porcelain doll left in an abandoned home, slowly rotting away, time itself destroying you… Except it wasn’t time that was breaking you down, it was Hyunjin and the time that you were with him. You were fragile, far too fragile to stay with someone like him, but you loved him, and in moments like this, you couldn’t understand why. “I… I love you… Hyunjin…” 

“Then fucking act like you do!” He walked back over to the bed, grabbing your arms that were still cocooning your legs against yourself, dragging you across the glass shard covered mattress until you were on the floor. “I love you, I respect you! All I ask is for the same thing in return!” It was crazy, the way he thought that this was love and respect… That hurting you was a form of showing love. You would never return the favor though, because you would never think of hurting him, you could never bring yourself to fight back. You truly loved him, far too much to even try to protect yourself. 

“Hyunjin…” You whispered his name, finally lifting your head from your arms and looking up at him and then glancing down at your arm, noticing the blood that was slowly making its way down to your hands. Your legs stung with the fragments of glass that had stabbed their way through your pants and into your legs when he had dragged you across the bed. “Can I… Get a bandaid… Or something… I’m bleeding kind of bad right now…” You said softly, and that’s when his eyes softened, it was the only time he seemed to lighten up, when he saw the physical damage that he caused first hand. 

“Baby…” He cooed, his touch light now as he lifted you up off the floor, quickly rolling up your sleeve and letting out an audible gasp when he saw the deep gash that the corner of the picture frame had left on your arm. “Look what you made me do… Are you happy?” He tsked his tongue, tears clinging to his eyelashes that he quickly blinked away as he sniffled softly. “I hate hurting you, baby… I really do… I just want you to stay with me forever… I don’t want you to hurt me…” 

You nodded your head slowly before letting yourself crash against him, your arms wrapping tightly around his waist as you finally let yourself cry. “I’m sorry… I won’t do it again… I love you, Hyunnie…” You whimpered against his shirt, feeling his lips press against the top of your head. He was so soft, so sweet… You could never leave him. He wasn’t awful, he wasn’t mean… He was just scared, scared that you’d leave him, that you’d hurt him… You would never though. You loved him too much, you were his entirely, you could only hope that one day he’d truly realize that. 

Pairing : Yandere!Yang Jeongin x F!Reader TW : yandere themes ; verbal abuse ; manipulation ; small amount of physical abuse ; self harm ; attempted suicide ; blood Word Count : 2.7k Request : @slayhyunjin - can you do a yandere one for jeongin where hes like abusive and always comparing you and you try to leave or something but then he like apologizes

It was a natural reaction at this point, your body tensing up as you heard the lock click on the front door, the keys dangling as he walked through, his shoes carelessly kicked off before walking over to you. You dreaded the moment he walked through the front door, and it was strange considering not too long ago you used to wait for him to come home like a puppy waiting for their owner. The only thing that hadn’t changed was the fact that he was your owner. There was nothing that you could do without him breathing down your neck, making sure that you always abided by what he said and what he wanted. Truth be told, you were scared of him, that smile that he always wore when he was working or out with the other guys, you hadn’t seen it in months. He wasn’t the Jeongin that had won you over with his charming grin and his sweet talk, his soft touches and gentle kisses… He was just Jeongin… 

“Dinner isn’t done yet?” He asked as he stood on the other side of the oven, his eyes glancing at the little clock on the microwave. You knew it wasn’t actually a question though, he was judging you once again, and as often as you went through it, no amount of time would pass that would allow you to get used to the harshness of his words when he got annoyed with you. “You know when I come home, you know what I like, and you still fail to have it done. Does your head not work? Are you stupid?” 

His finger prodded roughly against your temple, and you knew better than to move away from it because it would only get worse if you did, so you stood steady, holding your breath to keep from getting choked up. “I’m sorry… The oven wouldn’t light… I had to call the landlord so he could fix it and-” A sharp smack landed across your face before rough fingers gripped your chin, forcing you to look at him. 

“He?!” He shouted, his voice cracking from the force behind the simple word. “You brought another man into my house while I was at work?!” You tried to shake your head but his grip only got tighter, long fingers digging painfully into your jaw, you could have sworn it would crack. “If you have a problem you call me! If you need help you call me! What don’t you understand about that?!” He dropped his hand and you rolled your jaw, the movement only worsening the ache that you felt in the bone. 

“You would have yelled at me if I called…” You mumbled, turning back to the stove and stirring the vegetables that were in the pot. “I didn’t want to bother you while you were working… I didn’t think it would be such a problem. Dinner should be done soon…” You tried to calm him down, but you knew that it was no use, he was already angry. He always seemed to be mad whenever he was around you, like your existence in general irritated him to no end. It made no sense why he stayed with you, why he refused to let you leave. 

“She would have still had dinner done before I got home.” He commented, yanking back the chair at the dining room table and dropping down into it. You could feel his eyes on you, as if he enjoyed watching your reaction whenever he brought her up. You tried to not let it bother you, but the constant mention of his ex, the way he compared everything that you did to her, there was no way to ease the sting that it caused whenever she was mentioned. 

“I’m sorry I’m not her.” Was all you could say as you grabbed the bowl from the cabinet, your lips tightly pursed to keep from sobbing. “Would you like a drink?” You whispered, placing his dinner in front of him and standing off to the side, waiting to serve him. You were nothing more than a servant to him, bending to his every need, giving him everything that he wanted whenever he wanted it, never asking for anything in return. Just being with him was reward enough, at least that’s what he always said, as if he were the greatest thing to ever happen to the world. 

“Obviously. You make everything so fucking salty. Get me a coke or something to wash this shit down.” There was always something to complain about. No matter what you did, you did it wrong. Nothing you did was right, and there was only so much you could take. You were emotionally broken, and every single interaction with him had you feeling like you were walking on pins and needles, just waiting for the moment when something you said pissed him off and he lashed out. 

You nodded, quickly going to the fridge and grabbing a can, not even attempting to open it, knowing that if even a drop splashed out of the can he would go off on you again. “I’m gonna go get the room ready for bed now…” You mumbled, your head still hanging low as you took a step back from the table, awaiting his okay for you to go. Usually he’d tell you to leave, remarking that he couldn’t stomach his dinner when he had to look at you, but now his head whipped up, his eyes narrowed at you. 

“What kind of girlfriend doesn’t eat dinner with her boyfriend?” He snapped, kicking out the chair across from him and motioning towards it with his hand. “Why are you running off, huh? Are you talking to someone else? Let me see your phone.” His hand was held out, palm up and for a moment you didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know where this was coming from, but your lack of movement had him reaching into your pocket himself and yanking your phone out. “A password?” He screeched, holding up your phone so you would see it. “What are you hiding from me? Unlock it, now!” 

You quickly typed in the code, backing up another step until you were against the counter. You weren’t sure why you were so nervous about him going through your phone, it’s not like you did anything on it or used it to talk to anyone but him, but the way his expression changed as he scrolled through the device had your heart racing. 

“What’s this incoming call? What’s this number?” He held the phone up once again and you stared at the number, trying to figure out what it was, and the more you tried to think the more irritated he got. “Are you fucking cheating on me?! That’s why you got a password, right? Trying to hide things from me? She would have never done something like this!” 

Your phone was thrown onto the floor, the glass screen shattering on impact and you had finally gotten to your breaking point, broken sobs had your body shaking. “Then why are you with me?” You muttered through shaky breaths, your hands rubbing the tears from your cheeks until your skin felt raw. “Why did you leave her if she’s so good? Why are you with me if you think I’m shit?” 

He scoffed, leaning back in his chair as he smugly shoved away the bowl that you had put in front of him, the soup splashing over the sides and spilling onto the table. “I wish I knew the answer, but I’ve been regretting that choice since I got with you.” The smirk on his face, the snideness of his voice, it’s not that you weren’t used to it, you just never were able to be strong enough to not let it hurt you. Everything he did, everything he said, if his words were weapons you’d be covered in scars from how much he hurt you with them. 

“I’m sorry I’m here…” You mumbled, bowing your head before going to the bedroom. It’s not like you were any safer in there, he had taken off the locks just so that you had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide when he got too angry. This was the first time he didn’t follow you into the bedroom just to berate you more, and maybe he was just building up more ammo, thinking of more things to say just to break you down a little bit more. 

At one point you loved him, at one point you even loved yourself, but now it was like that feeling no longer existed in the world that you lived in. You hated him, and you found in yourself everything that he saw when he looked at you. You knew he wouldn’t let you leave, and that was the worst part. You were stuck here, stuck in this house to be tormented and tortured by him whenever he liked. You couldn’t take it anymore. 

You would never be her, you would never be loved by him, and sometimes you wondered if he only got with you to try to fill the void in his life that she left when they had broken up. He didn’t actually love you, and maybe he had tried, but he realized that you just weren’t her and you never would be. All you had become was a punching bag for him to take out his frustrations on. 

Starting up the water in the bathtub, you plugged the drain, watching with tears in your eyes as the water filled. Should you add bubbles, at least make the last few moments slightly relaxing? You chuckled humorlessly to yourself as you shook your head at your own suggestion. What a foolish thing to think about right now. You really were stupid, he was right. You grabbed the razor off the counter before climbing into the tub, the pajama pants that you were wearing pulling you down as they became drenched with the water. 

“I’m sorry…” You whispered, staring deeply at the razor that reflected the light that hung above the mirror. So many mornings you stood in front of it, staring at your reflection, trying to find something about yourself that maybe he’d love, that you could love to give yourself some sort of reason to keep going. All you could find were dried tear streaks and welted handprints. There was nothing to love there, nothing to love here. “I’m sorry I’m here…” You repeated, your hand shaking as you brought it down to your wrist. 

“Y/N…?” His voice called from outside the bathroom door, and when it opened, everything happened in a second. He rushed over to you, grabbing the wrist of your hand that held the blade, pushing it away from your other arm. “What the fuck are you doing?! What are you thinking?!” He shouted, his voice trembling as he stared at you with wide, panic filled eyes. 

You struggled to push against his grasp, but you were weak, you were tired, you were just done. “Just… Let me… God… please just let me…” You shouted through your tears, water splashing over the sides of the bathtub as he tried to pull you out. 

“No!” He shouted back, pinning your arm against the tile wall, his own tears falling as his head shook. “Why are you… Why are you doing this?! You’re trying to leave me! You can’t!” His hand shook your arm, trying to get you to drop the razor, but your grip around it only tightened, causing the blade to cut deep into your palm, a warm trail of blood trickling down your arm. “Fuck!” He screamed, using both hands now to try to pry your fingers open. “Stop! Please stop!” 

You finally relented, although not willingly, you were just tired of the fight. The blade dropped into the bathtub as you released it, and he took the opportunity to quickly pull you out, your body falling on top of his as you both fell onto the floor. “I’m… gonna be stuck here… forever… Why? Why can’t I leave? I’m shit! I’m nothing! I’m not her! Why… Why am I here? I don’t get it!” You were crying hysterically, blood still dripping from your hand and pooling on the floor beside you. 

“I…” Jeongin started, and for once, he didn’t know what to say. For once, for the first time since you could remember, he wasn’t belittling you, he wasn’t yelling at you. He was crying. He was scared. “You’re… You’re not shit… I… I’m sorry… I’m… I’m shit…” He stammered out the words, his hands shaking as he reached out for your face and you instinctively flinched away from him, causing him to gasp softly as his hands dropped down to his lap. “Oh god… What did I do… What do I do? Let me… let me help…” He looked down at your hand, his body trembling with silent sobs. 

“Why?” You whispered, hugging yourself tightly as you backed up against the wall, your knees pulled against your chest. “So you can yell at me… So you can hit me again? So you can tell me how stupid I am? So you can tell me that she’s never done something like this before? I’m sure she didn’t… Because you loved her… Because you wanted to be with her…” You sniffled loudly, looking back at the tub, the blade at the bottom of it catching the light still. His eyes followed yours and he quickly got into your line of sight. 

“I’m awful… And I’m sorry… I’m sorry I made you feel like… like you had to do this… like this was the only way…” He whispered, his lips trembling as he spoke. “I broke you… And I know that saying sorry isn’t going to fix it… It’s not going to fix you. You’re not stupid… and… and I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why… I just… I want to keep you with me so bad… I’m scared you’re going to leave me… And… And that makes no fucking sense but… I don’t want to lose you… I don’t. I… I love you, and I don’t say it often enough… I don’t say it at all, but I do. You’re beautiful and… and you deserve so much better but… I don’t want anyone else to give you that. I want to be better… for you… You deserve the best of me, and… and I’ll give you that… I swear I will… Please… Don’t do this to me…” He fell forward, his forehead resting against your knees. It was the first contact you’ve had with him that didn’t hurt. It was shocking, it almost felt unnatural… Awkward even. “I’ve never been so scared… Don’t leave me… Please don’t leave me. I need you…” His head slowly lifted, his cheeks red, blotchy and tear coated, and as you stared at him, he slowly leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours, the action causing you to gasp and pull back as your eyes widened. “What…?” 

“You… You never kiss me…” You stammed, eyes wavering before dropping your head back down. “I don’t… I don’t want you to do that again… I don’t want to feel like… Like things will be okay… And then they’re not. Please… Don’t… Don’t touch me… Don’t…” 

You quickly pushed yourself up off the floor, running into the bedroom and pulling out the first aid kit from under the bed as he watched you, still sitting in the middle of the bathroom. It was his turn to cry, his turn to feel unwanted and useless. It was his turn to feel like shit, to feel like everything in the world was falling apart around him. He felt hopeless, he felt lost. There was nothing he could do but watch… You wanted nothing to do with him. Now it was his turn to be on pins and needles, but it was deserved, and seeing you in the bathtub had been a wake up call for him, and those pins and those needles would keep him awake, eyes wide enough to appreciate the woman in his life that he loved and adored, that he took for granted, that he hurt… The woman that he almost lost for good. 

♫ ⌣ MIMIN % !

reblog if using — req by @autibf.

why do they feel the need to interact with people who aren’t me? it makes me SICK.

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