It Is Absolutely Horrid That Someone May Traumatize You To The Point Of It Physically Altering Your Brain

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SoirR 23s/s collection ｡⊹ ♡.*࿐ ｡ ₊ ·

tokyo street snap

His loss | m.list

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Paring: Bangchan x gn!afab reader

Summary: A night used to get over your ex takes a turn in the best way possible.

Genre: College!Au, Friends to lovers, Smut, Fluff.

WC: 5.0k (5058)

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W: Substance abuse (alcohol), unprotected sex (don’t do this), Dom!Chan x sub!reader, body worship, praise, language.

a/n : this has been in my drafts since like september 😭

It was another boring night at another boring party all by yourself, and as usual you sat around drinking, not caring enough about your well-being nor your surroundings as you continued to drink your feelings away.

You and your partner of 4 years had ended things a few days ago after you found out they were cheating on you with someone you basically considered your sibling. It hurt you, but you tried your best to hide your hurt by going out and attending every party your college held to get extremely drunk til you forgot why you were there in the first place. Then the cycle would just end up repeating as you slowly remembered, the memories and reminders of your past relationship always plaguing your mind 24/7 and then you’d get so overwhelmed that you’d start your endless cycle all over again.

You honestly didn’t care about anything else at this point, anything to forget about those horrible memories and to just let go, even if it meant constant substance abuse. However, you were tired of the endless cycle that you didn’t even drink as much as you normally have. You were confused on this sudden, ‘post-drink’ clarity, but you found yourself slowly coming to a stop on drinking as if something in you were just screaming for you to stop. You hated it though, you hated knowing of your surroundings, you hated being able to see the people dancing and partying around you.

You hated that you could still feel your emotions.

That was the whole reason why you were even here, to drink until you couldn’t feel anything anymore, yet you were going against yourself on that aspect. You were sort of upset at yourself, but for once this entire week you actually put your glass down and just sat there. You observed everyone, not realizing how attractive some of the people at your university actually seemed to be. You’d never gain the confidence to approach anyone though, you were almost certain that nobody here would even go for you unless you were way past drunk.

It’s not like you weren’t attractive, because you definitely were, it’s just people at parties like this tend to turn out to be weirdos that fetishized the idea of using someone who couldn’t control their own actions.

At this point though, you didn’t even care about who you got with. Even if they were to literally ruin your life you didn’t care, you just wanted something with someone, even if it meant throwing away your dignity. You just wanted to feel the feeling of someone on you, someone wanting you, even if it wasn’t a permanent thing, you just wanted it. You felt pathetic now that you had a chance to think about it, but you craved the touch of someone else so badly. You didn’t realize how bad you wanted it until it set in that you were really sitting at a party hoping that someone would notice you.

You huffed, picking up your glass and getting up, figuring that you’d probably go home and just drink and just touch yourself to the thought of intimacy or something. You made your way past the crowds of people that blocked your way towards the exit, stumbling a few times. You almost made it out of the door until you caught a glimpse of someone you recognized.

It wasn’t anyone that serious, but you knew him from seeing him around Campus.. and because he was the best friend of your ex. It was Chan, someone who was pretty popular among people, someone who all of the girls gushed over. You had talked to him a few times, but you hadn’t taken the chance to get to know him personally other than just hanging out. He looked so good tonight you had thought, the way he leaned on the countertop in his fitted t-shirt and jeans, drink in hand as he casually talked to someone.

You didn’t even try, out of all of the emotions you’ve felt, embarrassment was the last one you needed to feel right now. Besides, he was crowded by a bunch of people and you didn’t want to bother him. On top of everything else, he still technically had connections with your ex and you did not need to be reminded about your break up through him. You decided to be quick, trying to leave before he noticed you staring at him and saying anything. But your entire body froze when you heard a familiar voice call your name.

You shut your eyes and sighed, mentally cursing yourself for not sticking to your original plan and just leaving. You opened your eyes and turned towards the owner of the voice, and of course it had to be Chan. You awkwardly made your way towards him, pushing past even more people as you eventually met up with him. He gave you a huge smile and you gave him one in return, feeling a little bit less awkward than before. It wasn’t like you had never talked to him before, so it was a little easier opening up and talking to him than you assumed.

“How’ve you been??” He asked, and the people he was talking to casually dispersed to do their own thing.

You held your arm awkwardly, “Uh… could be better. Nothing serious.” You reply.

He hums in acknowledgment and you could see him eying you, starting from your exposed legs due to the skirt you were wearing, up til the tight shirt that hugged every part of your chest perfectly. It was honestly a sight to see knowing he was secretly checking you out, but you couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose or if it just happened.

“I haven’t seen you awhile, I’ve missed our game nights!” He says, pulling you into a half hug.

You laughed a bit, “I’m surprised they meant that much to you for you to really miss my presence.” You say.

He looked at you slightly confused for a second, “How could I not miss beating you in every game we play?” He says with a teasing grin afterwards.

You hit him playfully and sat there for a moment to think about his words. Maybe you were overthinking your relationship with him a little deeper than you thought. You didn’t take into account the amount of times you’ve hung out with him and actually enjoyed it to realize it made you guys a little close than expected.

“How are you and him by the way?” Chan asks, and it felt like an arrow shot through you.

Oh, maybe he didn’t know anything of your breakup. It made it worse though because now you felt as if he were going to ask you a million questions now that you were here.

“I...we um- we didn’t work out.” You meekly say, taking a shy sip of your alcohol.

Chan’s eyes go wide and he looks at you as if you had just said the most offensive words ever.

“What? No way— You guys were like-“ He began, but you gave him pleading eyes to signal to him that you really didn’t want to talk about it right now.

He immediately took the hint and stopped himself, clearing his throat and looking back out into the crowd.

“That why you’re here tonight?” He asks.

You nod and avoid his gaze. “Need someway to entertain myself… right?” You say with a slight chuckle, and he does the same.

“Let’s get out of here.” He turns to you with a huge smile and you look at him bewildered.

“W-what?” You ask.

“This party’s lame, and we could have way much more fun if we play games at my place. If you’re down for it that is.” He asks.

You sat in thought for a moment to consider what you wanted to do. Honestly, the choice was easy, and there wasn’t really a need to think about it in the first place. Anything was honestly better than sitting around at a party and trying to get someone to notice you. Besides, hanging out with Chan was fun and way more entertaining, and so you shrugged.

“Why not.” You say, and he erupts in a fit of giggles as he begins to drag you through the party, past a large crowd of people and finally towards the exit.

The last you remembered, Chan didn’t stay on Campus, so it was miles away from your dorm, but you didn’t really care. He took you to his car and you got in as he held the door for you, taking in the familiar scent of Vanilla and clean laundry that he always carried with himself. It was refreshing to be surrounded by a smell other than sweat and alcohol. He then shut the door and went around so that he could also get into the car as well.

He started the car and before you even realized it, you guys were off heading towards his home. The car ride wasn’t as awkward as you thought it’d be, you guys using the time to reconnect with one another, and having conversations you didn’t think you’d be so comfortable talking about. He even took you to get some food, and who were you to reject free food from a pretty guy like him?

You both eventually reached his place, and he pulled into the driveway, you both climbing out. He stayed in the typical apartment complex, just a lot nicer and well kept than others. The apartment he stayed in had a lot of room inside and was very well kept, you were reminded of it when you guys entered his apartment. Chan surprisingly lived alone, despite his apartment being spacious enough to accommodate two people, you never really understood why he preferred to live by himself rather than having someone live with him. However, you didn’t want to question it because at the end of the day, he had his preferences with his own place and you couldn’t change that.

You kicked off your shoes and immediately bee lined for his couch, plopping on it and letting out a loud sigh. It had been some time since you last left your dorm, your daily life nowadays consisting of staying home, going to classes, and partying every night until the early crack of dawn. But being here with Chan in a new environment was so oddly refreshing that you felt like the bare minimum made you happy at this point. He poured you a glass of water and handed it to you, and you took it, downing it in seconds. Despite the soda you just had a second ago with your meal, it was nice to get some water, your organs thanked you for it.

“So, I was thinking we could play that fighting game we used to always play.” Chan says with a mischievous grin as he picked up his two controllers, turning his game console on.

“Uh, yeah!” You say excitedly, reaching out to take one of the controllers until he abruptly stopped you.

“Wait— You should stay here tonight. It’s already late and I’ll feel better if you stayed here. I felt like I should’ve made that known first.” He tells you.

You were confused at first, but you didn’t protest, why would you want to go back to your apartment anyway?

“Sure. I don’t see why not?” You tell him, and he smiles.

“Good, why don’t you shower first and get comfortable then we can play?” He asks and you nod.

In no time, you were in the shower washing yourself off and often letting the water hit your face. Everything about this was so rejuvenating and you were starting to feel so much better than you were before. Chan’s bathroom was so nice and comforting, he had everything neatly placed and lined up, and the entire area was just clean. You had almost forgotten how much you enjoyed being at his place, it was nicer than you remembered.

After your shower you got out, and went to get dressed in the set of clothes Chan had for you. Thankfully he had some clothing his sister would leave behind whenever she visited, and you happened to fit everything, so it worked perfectly. However, instead of wearing one of the shirts she had, you decided to wear one of chan’s shirts, your excuse being that ‘none of them fit’ but they did, you just wanted to wear something of his.

After getting dressed you greeted him back in the living room where he was leaned back on the couch watching whatever he had on. He had also ended up changing, wearing a T-shirt and those deadly gray sweatpants. You had to stop yourself from jumping on him right then and there, but you also had to remind yourself that he definitely didn’t bring you here for that.

Geez, you could atleast throw away your horny-ness to the side.

You waved to him and he smiled at you, taking in your features and watching as his smile grew even bigger.

“You look better in that shirt than I do, keep it.” He tells you, and you obviously insist.

A little after that, you guys began to play the games that he had promised you would. There were some surprising moments were you actually won against him in the games you were playing.

“Woow, after 2 months y/n finally has a win streak.” Chan teased and you stuck your tongue out at him.

“Whatever Chan, just admit that you’ve gotten worse over the last time you actually saw me.” You boast, and he rolled his eyes.

The night continued on just like that, you two losing track of time and absolutely enjoying each other’s presence. All of your worries left your body as you two hung out, and honestly you wondered why you never took the time to contact him whenever you wanted to hang out.

After awhile, you both insisted on just relaxing and watching whatever movie you wanted to watch. As you both continued to watch the movie, you could feel Chan’s eyes on you every now and then. It made you a bit squirmy since you were sure why he would steal glances at you, and you weren’t sure what was going through his mind as he looked at you.

“Is there a reason you keep looking at me?” You decided to ask, the suspense honestly suffocating you.

Chan gave a sly chuckle and fully turned to you, and you did the same. He looked so good to you that it took every fiber in your body not to jump on him where he was. You had to keep telling yourself that wasn’t what you were brought here for, and so all you could do was let out a shaky breath as he answered.

“Can I be honest with you?” He says, his gaze getting a bit more serious, and you shrunk a bit in your spot.

“Of course, what’s up?” You say, afraid of his question.

“I’ve honestly had a thing for you for awhile now.” He’d admit.

You stare at him without saying anything for a minute, shocked by his confession. Chan could’ve had any other person on campus and he was choosing you? How long did he have this small crush on you without saying anything? Chan cleared his throat, a look of worry on his face as you hadn’t answered him after he spoke.

“Oh-! I’m sorry, I was just.. I’m shocked?” You say, an audible question mark at the end of your sentence, because in truth you weren’t really sure of what you were feeling.

“Shocked? How come?” He asked, it was like he genuinely didn’t know that he was the most desirable person on your university campus and everyone almost treated him like a celebrity.

“Well — it’s just that… you’re kind of popular on campus and—“ You began before he sighed loudly, cutting you off.

“C’mon! Not you too!! I’m not all that popular, I’m just really outgoing than most people at our school so everyone considers me as some kind of celebrity.” He says.

You hum in understanding to his words, realizing that hadn’t been taken into consideration. You realized that if you were him you’d be upset too if you were considered a popular figure on campus while you were just normally living your life.

“I’m sorry… I guess I hadn’t thought about it like that.” You sheepishly say, and he gives you a loud laugh.

“Does my ‘popularity’ change how you view me in the midst of my confession?” He asks and you briefly sit in thought.

Despite how you viewed him before, you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t have thoughts of your own about him. You did find him extremely attractive, even while you were with your ex boyfriend. Of course you were loyal so you weren’t about to try and pursue him, but you were often curious about the romantic aspects of him.

“I’m a little intimidated.” You admit and he chuckles.

“What intimidates you?” He asked, his tone a little more serious now given the situation.

You didn’t even realize how close he was to you now, his face just mere inches from yours. You were starting to think that meeting him tonight and finding out that he liked you had to be some sort of coincidence or just a prank he was pulling. It’s not like you guys didn’t hang out enough for you to be qualified as a crush for him, but it still shocked you that he could be interested in you, someone who clearly didn’t have themselves together. The times you hung out with Chan you had always assumed that he only saw you as a friend and nothing more, but you were so engrossed in your boyfriend that you hadn’t even noticed his slight advances towards you, even after you and your ex broke up. All those times he tried to reach out to you, all those times you spent crying in your room when you could’ve been here, with him, they were a result of you being so strung up on your ex that you didn’t realize that you did have someone who wanted you romantically.

You didn’t pay attention to Chan then, and it got to the point where you had pushed all those memories of him to the back of your mind as you only associated him with someone your ex was close friends with. But the more he sat here in front of you, the more you realize how he was there for you all along, even if you tried to convince yourself that he wasn’t. You had always told yourself that you guys weren’t as close as he gave off, but being here in his apartment had reminded you of all the good times the two of you did have together. You were a little stupid, but you’re also only human, you can’t help that a heartbreak made you push things away, it was how you coped. You regret it, yet you were amazed that Chan held onto this crush of his for so long even when you were pushing him away.

You wanted this, and you had to stop letting your past get in the way of the way you saw him, because now, maybe you were starting to realize that you liked him too, those feelings that you kept locked away finally breaking free and reminding you of everything you tried to push away. You did like him, you liked him a lot actually, yet you let your thoughts get in the way of trying to pursue anything with him. Always convincing yourself that he didn’t see you in that way, and thinking that he would never date you after you dated his good friend, but you see that he didn’t care about any of that.

“What.. Do you like about me?” You ask, inching closer towards him, your voice innocent but your intentions were not.

Chan fought to hold back a smile, realizing the kind of game you were trying to play. He took your hands into his, pulling you closer so that your bodies were practically touching, his eyes staring into yours.

“Well.. I like your laugh.. everytime I hear it my heart skips a beat.” He begins, leaning forward to kiss your neck. His lips brushed against a sensitive area and it tickled a bit, causing you to giggle.

“I feel like everything about you is worth knowing, I wanna know everything that makes you, you.” He murmurs against your neck in the trail of kisses he was leaving behind.

By now your entire body was on fire, melting to each and every one of his gentle touches made against your skin. He was holding you so lovingly against his body, kissing and praising each part of your body that he loved, lingering on the parts that he loved the most, like your lips and near your eyes. You fell apart and let him have every inch of you that he wanted, every inch of you that he loved. You couldn’t help the involuntary moans and whimpers that escaped your lips each time he made you feel good, his lips making soft marks against your skin. You had never felt the way he was making you now, loved and appreciated.

“And God do I love your smile. The more you spent time with him the more I felt like I’d never see it again.” He says, a hand underneath your chin as he pulls away, bringing your face back to his.

“But then you smiled at me tonight, a genuine happy smile, and It was like meeting you all over again.” He admits and you stare at him with glossy eyes as he stares at you with stars in his eyes, like he was looking at the most beautiful thing on this earth.

“Let me make up for what he lacked, I promise to be better than he was. A lot better.”

With that, his lips were pressed against yours, taking them in a starved kiss. The kiss that was shared between you grew more needy, more desperate as his strong hands wander and explore your body further. It was messy, his tongue deep into your mouth and dominating the heated makeout session you two were sharing. The second you pulled away for air you looked at him with lustful eyes.

“Fuck me– I wanna be yours, only yours, please Chan-” You beg and he doesn’t hesitate to push you back against his couch.

“You don’t have to beg baby, whatever you want it’s yours.” He’d tell you and you don’t think you’ve ever undressed yourself so fast in your entire life.

The two of you were naked now, clothes thrown across the floor and disregarded and to be worried about later. He was between your legs and kissing at your chest like his life depended on it, his dick pressing snug against your entrance. Each time he moved upwards to kiss at your collarbones the tip of his dick would push at your throbbing clit, causing you to buck your hips up into him. With the way he swirled his tongue against your nipples, sucking and biting at them and pulling at them with his teeth you swore you were going to cum from that alone. Your body was already trembling with need, your arousal leaking onto the fabric of the couch below you. His precum coated the both of you, feeling as it dripped down to between your thighs, creating a filthy mix underneath you.

“Tell me, did he fuck you good?” He whispered, his lips now resting at your collarbones and kissing them lazily.

You shake your head, “N-no..” You admit.

As much as you didn’t want it to be, it was true. 3 years of a relationship with him and he couldn’t even make you cum, not even once.

Chan scoffed, taking himself into his hands and lining himself up to your entrance. He poked and prodded at it, dipping just the tip inside of you every now and then, earning a breathy moan from you every time.

“I know you’ll make me feel way better than he could though.” You say, a rather seductive grin on your face as you looked at him.

You feel his dick twitching at your words, or maybe it could’ve been how fucked out you looked despite not even fucking him yet. Whatever it was, it pulled an unexpected whine from Chan and he didn’t think for a second longer to enter you, pushing his entire length into you and bottoming out. Soft “Yeah, I know”s falling from his lips as he practically cradled you in his arms, feeling your body while he held you. Your jaw dropped and your eyebrows furrowed at the stretch, and you bite down on your lower lip to keep from letting out a loud moan. He began to roll his hips into you, and you didn’t stop the string of curses and moans that fell from your mouth. The couch underneath the two of you scooted and creaked with each hard thrust he made, the once quiet room now full of sinful noises made by you two. Your cunt squelched with every thrust he made, the slick from your arousal coating his entire dick each time it disappeared into you.

You were scratching at his back, your back arched and body melting into his own, allowing the two of you to be tangled together in your own little world.

“Fuck you feel so good around me, I can’t believe he– didn’t know how to fuck you good enough.” Chan groaned, his thrusts inside of you picking up speed, the creaking of the couch growing louder.

“That’s it, I got you baby-” He muttered into the crook of your neck, soft moans leaving his mouth each time your cunt took him deeper.

His hips were a little slower now, almost as if he was trying to make love to you rather than just fuck you. His hands wandered your body again, squeezing and adoring every part of you. He left sloppy wet kisses against your neck again, his eyes squeezed shut in absolute bliss as he continued to rock his hips into you. He was absolutely pussy drunk at this point, his hips often stuttering from getting too lost in the feeling of having you around him. He was doing everything in his power not to cum before you, but the more he kept you underneath him the more that grew harder to do.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, and god everything about you is just perfect.” He’d ramble, constant praises and words of appreciation falling from his lips like he was stuck in a daze.

“So good– you’re so good to me Channie- oh, fuck-” You whimper, your walls fluttering around him, indicating how close in orgasm you were.

“You’re mine, yeah? You don’t have to worry about him anymore- tell me you’re mine, wanna hear it from your pretty mouth–” He’d moan, his own sounds starting to get a little louder than your own the more you two kept on.

You felt him trembling on top of you, his face buried deep into your neck to try and suppress the loud filthy noises coming from his mouth. You frantically nod, wanting to just feel him cum inside of you, you wanted him to make you his already.

“Yours Channie! I’m yours baby– all yours baby-” You moan, earning a choked noise from Chan in approval of your words.

Tears pricked in his eyes, assuming because after trying so hard to get you to notice him, he finally had you. He never admitted it, but he hated seeing you with your ex, he knew how much of a trash person he was, the two were best friends after all. Once he laid eyes on you, he was infatuated with you. Chan wanted nothing more than to take you from his best friend and treat you a lot better than he ever could. He saw how miserable you were, and how controlling his friend got with you, and he hated it. He knew the two of you had already broken up, but he wanted to hear it from you. Now that he got the chance, he wasn’t about to let it go, he was going to be the best boyfriend you deserved.

A few rough thrusts later and you came undone all over his dick, a white ring forming at the base of it. Shortly after you came, Chan let out a loud grunt, thick ropes of cum coating your walls and spilling out from your cunt, practically filling you up. A comforting silence fell across the living room, nothing else being heard but pants as the two of you came down from your highs. Chan held you tightly in his arms, almost like he was afraid of letting you go and leaving him again. As he laid on your chest, you kissed the top of his head and twirled strands of his hair.

Chan pulled away from you, staring deep into your eyes, a loving look in his eyes. He wanted to tell you that he loved you, that you meant so much to him, but he didn’t want to scare you off. After all, it took a long time just to get you two in a situation like this, and he only saw it as fate rather than as a coincidence. He’d just have to settle on helping you heal, and maybe someday he’ll gain the confidence to tell you the words he so badly wanted to say.

For now, he held himself back and only dipped back down to take your lips in for a sweet gentle kiss, in which you gracefully returned. It wasn’t rushed, it was more passionate and full of love, like he was saying that he loves you without actually saying it. He lingered on your lips for a bit after the kiss ended, a huge sitting grin on his lips.

He didn’t mind the way things were now, because at the end of the day, you were his now, and that was a win for him alone.

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i finally have this bag! ♡

Can we talk about his beautiful smile?

bang chan: haha im gonna roleplay a nerd flirting on bubble

actual nerd flirting on bubble:

𓋜𓂃｡˚ ࣪ ⊹

I love you so much that I start to get violent.

My Melody Standard Plush Doll ebay.com