I Actually Feel Numb.

Losing my M I N D

Hey, I hope y'all been doing okay.

It's been a while since I wrote something, like¿¿ 1-2 months¿¿ I don't know, but the last time I wrote was the day ¿43? Of quarantine, and now is day 91.

I'm going to start writing because i'm sleepy and I have class today.

School

Pls end my suffering.

I don't fucking know ANYTHING about my grades, I could have failed everything without knowing.

Some teachers are asking for exercises I couldn't send, but they don't say WHAT sPECIFIC EXERCISEEEEEE. THEY JUST NEED TO SAY THE NAME OF THE EXERCISE, HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT?

Science is the worst, the teacher just can't realize that we have another 6 classes, not just science?????

I had a breakdown on monday, because one of my answers in spanish was wrong, and later the science teacher said my work was incomplete because I didn't add A FUCKING PERSONAL COMMENT I DIDN'T REMEMBER, FUCK.

Like, when I say it, it doesn't sounds so bad when I say it, but look, I spent my whole day doing my homeworks, I can't take a "it's not good enough" as something because i'll start crying.

I can't feel enough.

Now that we're talking about school, do you remember the last time I said I wanted to change school and that I was anxious about it??

My mum got me an opportunity in a girl's school, and I was so happy about it. Until I had to tell my dad.

He said no.

Because it doesn't have sense to change school if at the end of the year i'm gonna get expelled as always. I got expelled in 5th grade, in 6th grade I had to repeat, and leave. I was so sad to focus on my studies, I lost on purpouse and when I tried to win it wasn't enough. And it looks like he's the only one who can't just forget about it.

He said that I was doing okay in this school, and that shows how an uninterested parent he is. 'Cause in the last months I had 8384648373 breakdowns, my grades went down and I got that fucking insufficient in attitudes, please get me out of here.

The Guinea pig situation.

The last month I got O B S S E S E D with the hamsters, and I wanted one, but the only option I had was to get a guinea pig, so I started to investigate about them. I'm in love with the Guinea pigs. My mum was okay with getting me some, I just had to take care of them.

And here is when my dad enters to do NOTHING 'CAUSE HE SAID NO😎👌

He said no because "Guinea pigs make holes"?????? And because "they have a lot of babies" I even explained to him that they were gonna be inside my bedroom, and that I was gonna get two girls.

But he said "my word is the one that matters and is NO".

So I don't have a Guinea pig.

I told my girlfriend and she said "it's okay, calm down, it doesn't matter, is something that you want, not something you need".

I felt so bad, if they knew how much time I spent investigating just because I wanted them.

I want something to take care of, I want to feel needed, I want to feel useful, and I thought maybe an animal can fill that, it sounds selfish, but I feel so bad, I really wanted them. but nobody cares, as always.

Well, that's all i have to say now, have a good night/day/afternoon.

Day 91: june 12

@my dysfunctional family💕

cAn ❣ yOu 💕 pLeAsE 💓 sToP 💞  aRGuiNg 💖 I´M 💘 StuDYinggGgG 💗

finally

hi it’s vik and here’s ur love letter ❤️ hey u, yeah u. i'm here to shower u with fake affection since u clearly need it more than i do. ur obsession with me is kinda cute but mostly pathetic. ur entire existence is a walking cringe compilation

Nena andate a dormir mejor, affection is the best !! Hope you get it soon, cause i surely do.

Reasons not to hurt kids:

their happiness

their safety

their well being

their health

their childhood

their future

their emotional health

their mental health

because the world will hurt them too and they’re supposed to have someone in life they can trust

so they’re safe loving you

so they feel protected

because they don’t deserve pain

because it’s already so damn hard to exist on this decaying planet and they don’t need any extra stress in life

because they’re facing difficulties and need support not pain

because it makes you a horrible person to hurt a kid

because nobody benefits from it

because it teaches them that being hurt is normal, acceptable way to live

because it can push them to hurt themselves

because it will make them feel abandoned and worthless

because they feel your hatred so strongly it can break them

because they’re in a small body and it’s already frightening for them to know someone wants to hurt them

because it’s not your job to be a villain in a child’s life

because they might not recover

because there’s only so much a child can endure

because they might never stop hurting

because they will grow up and you don’t have the right to expect their forgiveness

because you’re taking away their ability to feel save and loved by you

because you might be taking away their ability to feel safe or loved by anyone

because you’re breaking their heart and they thought they could trust you

because no child deserved to be brought in this world only to be betrayed

because making a child go thru pain is a despicable and monstrous thing to do

because it doesn’t have any, ANY benefits to the child at all

because there’s a huge amount of children already traumatized and suicidal and struggling to keep themselves alive by the end of the day

because you do not have to hurt a child, ever

Reasons to hurt a child

There are no reasons. There are only excuses. Only incomprehensible garbage and lies that exist for the sole purpose of excusing your horrifying actions of hurting a kid. Because you felt like keeping a small human being in pain to satisfy your sick urges. No kid needs to be hurt to grow up right. No kids requires pain inflicted on them by people they trust and rely on in order to be raised safely. If you think there are actual reasons to hurt children it’s because you want to hurt them and will make up any kind of bullshit to excuse your abuse. No child has deserved this. Stay away from children if you can’t love them.

I'm so sorry my love

Some friend of my cousin committed recently. I was so sad even tho it didn't know really well that kid, but he was my age. My mom was devastated, so must be my cousin and aunt. It's really tragic. And it makes me circle around the idea of it.

Since drunkies don't lie, I wish i was your girlfriend. I wish i wasn't condemned to be your side dish. Treating me like a main without the privileges of one...

I wanna go cause i wanna hangout with my girlfriend and see my best friend. But at the same timeeeee, i don't wanna see my abusive ex. I know she's gonna be on her stand selling her products, but i don't wanna see her. I'm avoiding an episode and that's responsability ((i guess)) ☝🏻