Should Have Become A Hairdresser, Less War Crimes

Restraining Order Arc

What Satoru’s doing right now could be called many things. “Protecting you from afar,” if we want to romanticize it. “Watching over you in case something happens,” if we’re being generous.

Or, the fucking fact: stalking.

Yeah. He’s stalking you. Again.

This is after the talk last night. Geto and Shoko had sat him down like two exhausted divorced parents, telling him to “let it go” and “stop tracking her.”

He swore he’d stop. Swore he’d move on. Swore on his limited edition Dior sunglasses. Then he drove up to some mountain like a fake spiritual influencer, prayed to Buddha, left a ¥10,000 note and two strawberry Pockys as an offering, and declared he was reborn.

Cut to: him sitting in his car three blocks from your apartment right now, with binoculars and a hot latte. Again.

He’s been through this cycle so many times, his therapist got so sick of him and she quit. So naturally, he got a new therapist. And started over like a glitchy sim. Telling the same tragic little story with the same unhinged flair:

“I saw her at a bus stop. I was late from work. It was raining. She looked like she hated her life. And boom. I was in love. So I started... you know. Looking out for her.”

Which sounds normal until he clarifies that by “looking out” he means memorizing your routine, rescuing you from imaginary dangers, and once accidentally following you into a bookstore and hiding behind a shelf of cookbooks because “he didn’t want to seem weird.”

And he keeps expecting the therapist to gasp like, “Wow, the heart wants what it wants!” But no. Every time it’s the same concerned nod. The same scribbling on a notepad.

After the bookstore incident (which technically wasn't stalking because it was a public space and he was just... browsing), Gojo tells himself he’s going to chill.

He even writes it down in his Notes app: “No more lurking. Be normal. Play it cool.” Then immediately follows that with: “But what if she gets mugged????”

So naturally, he ups the delusion.

Now he’s in full prep mode. Surveillance. Casual disguises. A hat. Bright white that has “HOTTER THAN YOUR BOYFRIEND” stitch on it in glitter thread, but technically still a disguise.

He followed you into a grocery store, pretending to shop while nervously narrating to himself like he’s starring in a low-budget spy movie:

“Target is in aisle 3. Repeat, aisle 3. Looking at—oat milk? Classy. She’s health-conscious. Maybe lactose-intolerant. God, she’s perfect.”

He grabs a basket, puts in five cucumbers he doesn’t need, two packs of gum, and a single lemon. He does not need a lemon. He just saw you pick one up, and it felt right.

You spend 10 minutes comparing two brands of cereal. He spends those same 10 minutes fake-texting on his phone and staring at a can of beans like it holds all the answers to his tragic love life.

At one point, he gets too close. You glance his way. Eye contact. Panic.

He gasps. Loudly. Drops the lemon. The thought of “Oh no, she’s seen me in my natural habitat,” and literally ducks behind a shelf of protein bars. Smooth.

You leave. He follows five minutes later, pretending to be on a very serious call with “his lawyer” about “emotional damages from a horror movie.”

Back in his car, he breathes like he just ran a marathon. Sits in silence. Then says out loud to absolutely no one:

“It’s not stalking. It’s destiny prep.”

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Location: Gojo’s Stupidly Huge Penthouse Time: 3:47 PM, Monday Event: Intervention #3 of the week (yes it’s Monday)

Gojo's penthouse door slams open with all the grace of a wrecking ball, and in storms Geto, holding a six-pack of beer and a bag of sour cream chips like they’re his most prized possessions. Shoko follows behind, sunglasses perched on her nose and a vape dangling from her lips, exhaling the kind of smoke that screams “spiritually done.”

Geto slams the door shut behind him. "WE'RE BACK. AGAIN," he announces, like he’s been doing this for years.

Shoko doesn’t even look up as she walks past him, inhaling from the vape. "This place still smells like delusion and cologne," she mutters, taking her usual spot on the couch with a deep, soul-crushing sigh.

Gojo, who’s been doing some extremely important work on his couch, hastily shoves something under the cushions. He glancing over his shoulder with the nervous energy of a man who’s been caught red-handed.

"Satoru. Be honest. How many times did you ‘accidentally’ bump into her this week?" she demands, already knowing the answer.

Gojo, without missing a beat, raises an eyebrow. "Define ‘bump into.’ Like, physical contact? Because technically—"

"Oh my GOD," Geto groans, cutting him off. He marches over and pulls out the glittery blue diary that Gojo definitely didn’t hide well enough. It falls open to a page titled, “Coughing in Sync — Is She My Soulmate?”

Shoko's eye twitches. "NOPE."

Geto slaps the diary shut and waves it around like a battle flag. "BURN IT. LIGHT IT ON FIRE."

Gojo goes on the defensive, clutching the diary to his chest like it's his firstborn child. "It’s art," he insists, his voice serious. "You people are just afraid of vulnerability."

Shoko, deadpan, turns to Geto. "No. We’re afraid of you catching a felony charge, Gojo."

Geto cracks open a beer, clearly done with this conversation. "You’re spiraling, dude. You haven’t eaten a real meal in like three days."

Shoko, taking a slow drag from her vape, adds, "You left a Post-It on the fridge that said, ‘Love feeds me now.’"

Gojo doesn’t even flinch. He just starts dramatically pacing the floor in his ridiculously expensive designer socks. "You don’t get it," he begins, voice lowering into a deep, almost tragic tone.

"There’s just something about her. The way she ties her hair. The way she—she—chooses tomatoes so carefully. She’s delicate. Methodical. A Virgo, probably."

Shoko, not missing a beat, snaps, "You googled her zodiac sign again, didn’t you."

Gojo looks at her, all soft and vulnerable. "...and her moon."

Geto, staring at him in disbelief, exhales sharply. "Bro. We are LEASHING you. You’re grounded. From the outside world."

Shoko’s eyes narrow. "And if I see you in another wig at her grocery store, I’m calling the police myself."

Gojo falls to the floor in one dramatic swoop, arms flailing. "I’m just watching over her..." His voice is almost like he’s about to break into tears.

Shoko doesn’t even look at him, instead texting on her phone. "Like Batman if Batman had unresolved abandonment issues and a Pinterest board titled ‘Future Wife.’"

Geto clinks his beer can in a mock toast. "You need help."

Gojo, not missing a beat, grins. "I have help. You two. My best friends."

Shoko glances at him over the top of her sunglasses. "We’re not helping. We’re preventing."

Geto leans back in his chair with a sigh. "We are the fence between you and a restraining order."

A long, tense silence fills the room.

Gojo takes a sip of Geto’s beer, cringing slightly at the taste. He mutters, barely audible, "She sneezed twice yesterday. I was worried." His tone is so serious it’s almost tragic. "So I lit incense."

"I’m scheduling the exorcism." Shoko exhale too exhausted.

::::::::::bonus:::::::

EXCLUSIVE LOOK INTO: SATORU GOJO’S PRIVATE DIARY

DO NOT READ. SERIOUSLY. I WILL KNOW. (...Unless you’re her. Hi.)

March 1st, 1:03 AM She bought the cinnamon granola again. Third time this month. I Googled if that has a deeper meaning. Apparently cinnamon symbolizes warmth and protection. So basically... she’s screaming my name through cereal. God, she’s so subtle. I love her mind.

March 3rd, 11:47 PM I saw her jaywalk. I was about to shout “be careful, love of my life!!” But then I remembered boundaries. So I whispered it into my scarf. That counts as self-restraint.

March 6th, 2:21 AM I dreamed about her again. We were in IKEA. She asked me to hold a lamp. I woke up crying. What does it mean???

March 9th, 4:06 PM She wore a blue hoodie today. Baby blue. Innocent. Casual. A little oversized. I wrote a poem about it:

Baby blue hoodie Engulfs my heart like soft clouds She has pockets. Damn.

March 11th, 12:59 AM Geto read one of my entries and said “this is illegal in 17 states.” He doesn't get it. He’s in love with logic. I’m in love with her.

March 13th, 8:34 PM Shoko threatened to burn my journal. She called it “romanticized surveillance literature.” So rude.

He flips the page dramatically, clicks his glitter gel pen, and titles the next entry: “Operation: Accidental Dog Park Encounter”

He doesn’t own a dog.

------

i'm not joking he is the type to break into your apartment just to rearrange your fridge for better feng shui and then leave a sticky note saying 'love you'

this was brought to you by my scorpio moon.... what is your moon sign?????

Au fucking revoir Mister Prince

Self-Aware!Sylus x Down-bad!Player

Sylus becoming aware he is a character in a game and now he’s aware of you as well. A modern day Romeo & Juliet story here …. A tragic love story A/N: Don’t fight me [Requested by: Anon]

continue ↣

Self-Aware!Sylus who realizes he’s in a game when he can sense your energy on the other side of a phantom wall. He can hear you squealing when he calls you honey and you're radiating happiness when you send him random emojis.

Self-Aware!Sylus who finally sees you when he happens to be looking around during a photoshoot and sees your shocked face when he makes eye contact. He smirks and turns back to the in-game version of you. “Why are you out there?” You dropped your phone and stared at it in shock. Did Sylus just ….. talk to you? You muttered a low ‘Hello?’ but got no response. You brushed it off as you just being tired and on the game too long.

Self-Aware!Sylus who manages to create a keyboard in your chat so he can actually text you. You were so confused when you opened it and it allowed you to type without just pressing a prompt. You gave it a spin with a quick ‘Hey Sylus’ something simple. Of course the message was read immediately and he replied with a ‘Hello [your name]’ you stared at the screen in shock not knowing if this was a new update or if you were just going crazy.

Self-Aware!Sylus who chuckles when he sees you pouting because you didn’t get his card so when you close the app and lay down he gifts you the card himself. You opened the app and the first thing Sylus says to you is “I don’t like seeing you sad, check your memories I left a gift for you”. When you open your memories you see that you not only got his most recent card but all of his five star memories. “What's happening here?” “You’re smile is so captivating I just had to see it again”

Self-Aware!Sylus who opens the app randomly throughout the day so he can see you “I haven’t seen you all day what are you doing?” causing you to snatch your phone off the table because he always seems to catch you when you’re at work or around a group of people. “Sylus I'm at work I'll call you when I get off” he crosses his arms and seems to be pouting? “I don’t like how much you have to work I don’t see you as often” “Well not all of us are billionaires some of us work for said billionaires to make a living” “I wish I could take care of you….” “You and me both”

Self-Aware!Sylus who teases you when he wins a game of kitty cards or who uses his evol to get every stuffed animal for you when you get frustrated. “You sure do wear your heart on your sleeves sweetie”

Self-Aware!Sylus who stares directly at you when you’re doing a photoshoot with your in-game MC “Sylus focus on her so I can get the picture” “I want to focus on you though” “She is me” “…..she’s not”

Self-Aware!Sylus who tells you not to fall in love because he’s not real, but he falls head over heels in love with you anyway. From the late night conversations of you explaining your world to him and just talking about everything and nothing at the same time. He can’t help it one night when you’re up late on the phone as always he just has to ask “Do you love me?” you’re shocked by his question, but swiftly answer with a shy “Yea I do”

Sylus: I thought we agreed not to fall in love Y/N: I was already in love you just noticed late Sylus: I believe I fell harder You giggled as something somber settled in your chest. Y/N: We’ll never truly be together you know? Sylus: I know and yet I continue to long for you …. I wish I could kiss you Y/N: I wish you could too…..

Self-Aware!Zayne Self-Aware!Xavier Self-Aware!Rafayel Self-Aware!Caleb

continue ↣

Self-Aware!Xavier x Down-Bad!Player

Xavier becoming aware he's in a game now he's aware of you as well. pt. 2 here A/N: Don't fight me

Self-Aware!Xavier who realizes he’s in a game when he can hear you talking about Lumiere. “Lumiere is in Abyssal Chaos again *sigh* I love him” “So you’re infatuated with Lumiere as well?” You freeze, looking around not sure if he’s talking to you or not. You check the time and realize it's late so you decide to just go to bed.

Self-Aware!Xavier who draws his sword on you the next day questioning who you are. You're stunned at the fact he's actually talking to you. “That will literally do nothing you can’t reach me Xav” “What do you mean?” he can’t quite understand why you’re a stranger, but you also feel so familiar.

Self-Aware!Xavier who quickly grows fond of you. He finds himself napping on the phone with you often now. “Are you free this afternoon? I was hoping we could nap together” starts out as phone call naps which turn into FaceTime/video chat naps and eventually turns into him not being able to sleep well unless you’re on the phone

Self-Aware!Xavier who loves to eat with you and listen to you rant about your day and anything you can think of because your voice alone soothes him. He’s concerned when you don’t log in for a day telling you how he didn’t get good sleep because he didn’t hear from you.

Self-Aware!Xavier who plans meals around your schedule because he will always make time for you. He claims the food taste better if he gets to look at you while he eats.

Self-Aware!Xavier who wants to learn the kind of games that exist in your world. You’re connected through technology so he finds a way to play video games with you even it means illegally transferring data to him through the app.

Self-Aware!Xavier who tells you he has someone he’s in love with so he can’t fall for you. “I know” “You know?” “Queen of Philos … I know …. she loves you too by the way” you don’t miss the way he slightly deflates at the fact that you know who he was talking about.

Self-Aware!Xavier who even though he said he can’t fall in love with you falls head first anyway and can’t stay away from you. He finds himself speaking to in-game MC less and less meanwhile he’s becoming incredibly jealous over not just the guys in your life, but everyone who is able to actually be in your presence. “Your day sounded like it went well” hes pouting “me and some friends went to topgolf” “I heard”

Y/N: Xav are you jealous? Xavier: And if I say yes? Y/N: I'd say you’re not supposed to have feelings for me Xavier: It’s hard not to have feelings for someone who feels like home Y/N: I feel like home to you? Xavier: Yes and here I am yet again unable to reach my home

Self-Aware!Zayne Self-Aware!Rafayel Self-Aware!Sylus Self-Aware!Caleb

“Mighty warrior” Neteyam. Sketch

i need more fics where lawlu is getting married out at sea and because they're both captains, they can't officiate, and so they need a third captain to do so.

and oh would you look at that, eustass kid comes sailing through completely on accident, and before he could even say a word, luffy drags him from his ship and he gets roped into officiating their wedding with a lot of loud demanding from luffy while law is simultaneously going "hell no anyone but him" and kid also does not want to be there at all

in the end, they end up getting married, officiated by kid who looks like he would rather walk into the ocean before officiating another wedding, so he places well timed jabs and insults in his speech.

(law gets his revenge years later during kid and killer's wedding as he immediately volunteers to officiate, an evil smirk on his face)

(affirming myself in the mirror) if that fictional man was real he would fuck you. He would fuck you. You're his exact type. If he saw you he'd get a boner instantly. He would fuck you he would fu

wow.... i cant believe they were abandoned and Luffy collected them like treasures.....

the rest of the strawhats/friends that were gonna be in this post but i decided against it

Not all of them were abandoned by individual people like family members and their community, but the government. Specifically Franky and Law.

Vivi was gonna be in there too but i couldnt,,,, really,,,,, fit her in there.

POST-CANON TRAFALGAR LAW HC: EVOLVED OPE OPE NO MI

Now this is just me indulging in my personal hc where Devil Fruits are capable of not only awakening but evolving too. Its extremely rare and almost impossible but there'd been only one other instance where a paramecia-type fruit had evolved into a Mythical Zoan-type and that was Nika, 800 years ago

In my hc, the Gomu Gomu no Mi was just an ordinary paramecia-type fruit but evolved into a Mythical Zoan-type when Nika wills it to change before he died 800 years ago and left his memories deep within the fruit until his body reincarnated. And since I'm one of those who hc that Luffy was Nika in his past life, the fruit allowed itself to be eaten by Luffy after centuries of avoiding the World Government because it finally found its body and soul again

Anyways, back to Law

I dunno what sensei has planned for Law but from the little I've seen, it seems like Law and his Ope Ope no Mi may play an important role for the Final Saga since the fruit may have ties to Imu. If that's the case, then I'd like to hc that Law may be one of the very rare few who will evolve his fruit into a Mythical Zoan-type. In this case, the Hito Hito no Mi, Model: Wātā

Where canon will take us, I dunno but in my post-canon hcs, Law fights together with Luffy against the final villain as his mythical zoan-type equal. Whether as the Moon to Nika's Sun or the Death to Luffy's Life, who knows. Maybe both

Whatever shape or form it'll be, Law will have an evolved fruit by the end of canon

I wanna write and explore what that power entails. Since the Gomu Gomu no Mi's reality warping abilities resemble Freedom, I'd imagine the evolved Ope Ope no Mi would be that of Order

The spatial manipulation abilities it has would be fun to explore, more so since it falls into a similar category with Gojo Satoru's Limitless. One thing's for sure though, I'd want Law to be able fly using his fruit 🤩

I'll explore my hc for the evolved Ope Ope no Mi powers in a different post, hopefully

Until next time! Thanks for reading this far!