Dead

imagine having a personality so morally bankrupt that the pope himself said "i'm telling god" and headed out

My wife and I have a little game we play called "Speaking From Ignorance."

To play Speaking From Ignorance, all you need is a phone with a voice recorder, and another person who knows considerably more or considerably less about a topic than you do. The topic can be anything: from "how to bake a quiche" to "what happens in the Peter Jackson Hobbit movies" to "who is Florence Pugh" to "how does the traveling salesman problem work." All that matters is that one of you has a firm grasp on the material, and one of you absolutely the fuck does not.

Then the person who knows about the topic turns on the recorder, and says to the person who knows barely anything: "Hey - tell me everything you think you know about [X]."

The speaker is then not allowed to ask any questions. Nor is the expert allowed to volunteer any information. The expert is allowed to pipe up with a faintly incredulous "Oh--really? Do you--do you think so?" from time to time, but for the most part, the expert's job is just to sit there and make encouraging sounds while the speaker digs their own grave.

This is never not funny.

The reason you record it is because, very often, the first thing the speaker wants to do after finishing the recording is find out how you actually make a quiche, or whatever. Then you both get to go back and listen to how wrong they were.

We have a small library now of Speaking From Ignorance recordings, and I'm going to be listening to them until I'm eighty.

Spin the wheel and let it randomly assign you a gender identity.

yuppie getting a tarot reading: the Death card? does that mean i’m gonna die?

tarot reader: not necessarily, Death represents transformation. it could involve some real strife, but in fact it often indicates things turning around for the better. i mean, we’re barely two years into the new millennium, and with the economy increasingly globalizing i can reasonably predict big changes in your particular career, possibly even great fortune!

yuppie: oh hell yeah man

*the tarot reader draws another card*

tarot reader: oh. The Tower. mhm. that’s… yeah. interesting. ok.

*the tarot reader draws the next card, places it beside the previous one, and silently stares at both*

yuppie: …are there supposed to be two of those?

We gotta do something about men

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

Silly phone, you're not detecting an analog audio accessory, you're detecting soup, from the bowl of soup I dropped you in.

Yosuke Amemiya