General Creepypasta Headcanons

Lil Jeff moment

Alfred is actually very prim and proper when it comes to social events. Everything has to go according to plan or it makes him extremely frustrated and antsy.

When he would throw dinner parties, he followed a very strict English-style protocol, and he always planned things months in advance. Even though he’s relaxed a lot during modern times, he has very bad organizational anxiety and has to make sure everything is perfect before starting an event. He is very likely to wear formal attire at those times.

He’s also not sloppy, he’s one of the best dressed nations at meetings, because he refuses to dress anything other than appropriate. It’s mostly due to his upbringing from England and how most business men and women dress in the US.

Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns？

the killerz

Reading this is insane, the thought of England panicking about the imminent rise of American hegemony and deciding that the best way to deal with it is to fuck and marry Americans is absolutely hilarious 😭😭😭 like "yes please give all of your rich beautiful daughters to our politicians and nobleman so we can tie you to us forever 😀" and the fact that it kind of worked because Winston Churchill was born from such a union and basically founded the Special Relationship between the UK and US that's still going strong today from joint military operations to five eyes to cultural influence that bounces back and forth across Atlantic, what a mad man

Declawing your humans

if we really apply the whole teeth are seen as threating to aliens or scary, who’s to say they won’t try something in order to make themselves feel more safe.

even more so if most aliens are prey.

what i’m saying is aliens are gonna do what we did to cats to us, but instead of taking claws they take teeth.

we can try our hardest but smiling to show your friendly is instinct for us, be honest have you ever been in a situation where you weren’t allowed to smile or laugh what did you do? laugh and smile right?

some aliens will know we’re trying to be friendly and we cant help it but that doesn’t always mean it’ll stop them from doing it.

also our teeth plays a big part in our social life. you have yellow teeth? you get bullied, you have a weird set of teeth? people will constantly ask questions about it, unless your old or a newborn baby no one will find missing teeth attractive. 

bad teeth usually equals bad hygiene which means your more likely to be sick and no one wants be around sick people.

im not even talking about eating either, our teeth is important!

Keep reading

imo a deeply important part of Alfred’s personality I feel like I should see but rarely do is his desire to be left the fuck alone. yes of course he’s a social butterfly but let’s be real: throughout the entirety of US history, Americans have wanted nothing more than extended Salutary Neglect from beginning of the colonies and we still try to go back to relative isolation now- now as in today, as in America First, etc. I think it’s fucking engrained. Americans expanded via conquest and colonization until we only had to deal with two neighbors (or, if you want to be an asshole about it, one neighbor and Canada, so 1 ½ neighbors) and a lot of people still bitch about not being isolated enough, we tried to keep out of both world wars, and in general we just kinda hate cooperating with others. one of the three main reasons for NATO’s existence is explicitly to keep the US from isolating and abandoning Europe again because boy do we fucking want to literally all the time.

so imo yeah Alfred genuinely loves socializing but his real passion in life is being left the fuck alone to do whatever hobby/business/productive thing he wants to do without being interrupted. this man has ADHD and just wants to hyperfocus in peace.

🔪Jeff The Killer & Homicidal Liu Headcanons🔪

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-Okay so Jeff, contrary to popular belief, is really short lol

-And I mean like 5’3 short, he was always super small compared to Liu - and was picked on a lot in school because of it

-But in school he wouldn’t let people pick on him for very long, he was most definitely the type of kid to needlessly fight in order to assert dominance and not look like a punk

-But he also just liked to do it!

-Jeff grew up an extremely angry kid, he’d fight, verbally attack people, throw things, threaten

-While Liu on the other hand was a tall quiet kid. He was the oldest, he read books, played video games and chess - and just wanted to be left alone.

-Oh yeah Liu was like 16, while Jeff was like 14 or 15

-In my headcanoned version they’re presently 27 (Liu), and 25 (Jeff)

-And while Liu was quiet, he understood humans and how to manipulate them amazingly

-He understood what to say, how to act, how to feel and how to cater to people in order to earn their trust

-So he could, of course, get stuff out of them lol

-He’d tell Jeff “look man, you don’t gotta beat the shit out of the teacher because he gave you a bad grade - just suck up to him and manipulate him, it’s much easier” and Jeff of course was like “Nah I ain’t doing that! Didn’t know I had a pussy for a brother”

-Jeff had an extreme distaste for his brother, he never liked him lol

-He thought of him as a weak, snobby goody-goody who never could have any fun

-(“fun” meaning illegal shit obviously)

-And while he was most of those things he definitely was not weak lol - they both were extremely strong, just in different ways

-And Jeff was too stupid to see it

-In Jeff’s mind - Liu’s sucking up = big gigantic pussy syndrome

-And god forbid Jeff take a blow to his own ego by acting like a “pussy bitch”, even if it’s a smart move to make

-All and all Jeff was, and still is a stubborn idiot

-When it came to Jeff and Liu’s parents - Liu was the favorite

-While Jeff was getting in trouble on the daily, fighting and being ignored and looked down upon by his own parents - Liu was getting all the attention and praise, continuously spoiled and shown off

-If any child could fly over the roof and shit gold eggs in their parent’s eyes, it would be Liu

-Jeff sucked at math and English, he hated reading

-Whenever he had to read out loud he acted like a little pisser for a bit, and then would try - failing miserably in the process

-after being corrected a few times by his teacher and other classmates he’d become enraged, throw his chair and desk and leave in a huff

-after awhile the teacher wouldn’t even ask him anymore

-it’s a win I guess?

-And of course Liu had no trouble with both, imagine Jeff coming home:

-“Fucker, help me with English.”

-And of course Liu is like “fine”

-Even though he found it annoying to have to help his brother who struggles so much with reading, he also found it to be comedy gold when he couldn’t even pronounce “Europe” correctly

-And the feeling it gave Liu to correct him was just amazing, anything that made Liu feel smart just filled him with such smug pride

-These tutoring sessions always seemed to turn into a physical fight between the two brothers, Jeff always starting it of course

-Liu usually winning

-Presently Jeff is a wide dude, built like a brick shit house

-Specifically wide with muscles, he has the physique of a body builder, very puffy cartoonish muscles - not extremely pretty looking

-He still suffers from small man syndrome, still extremely angry, still compensating for many things

-He hasn’t become anymore intelligent lol, he’s just become older

-He’s still impulsive, violent, crass, impolite

-But the only respectable thing about him is that he’s honest about who he is. He knows he isn’t the smartest, he knows he definitely isn’t a saint, he hides in dank abandoned houses - drinks like a fish and does hard drugs for the thrill of it. He murders and terrorizes, he tortures, he destroys.

-but he just can not muster a single fuck

-Liu is the complete opposite

-It’s funny, Liu and Jeff could not be anymore similar. They are two sides of a coin, they are both homicidal maniacs who want to fulfill their selfish needs. They don’t feel a single thing except the animalistic impulse to destroy, feed, and procreate. The only difference is one’s a liar, and the other is honest.

-Liu is so scared he’s going to taint his seemingly perfect appearance

-He kills and tortures as well - just behind closed doors.

-The amount of skeletons in his closet could fill 12 cemeteries, the things he’s done would make his parents role in their grave

-Yet he lies and puts on a persona of a smart, soft spoken man who cares for the people around him. A man who says he despises murderous lunatics, when he’s one himself - and usually worse than the other ones he condemns!

-That’s why they’ll never get along, they have no respect for each other

-Liu will always look at Jeff as a dirty, feral dimwit and Jeff will always see Liu as a cowardly liar.

-Anyways, Liu’s full first name is Luis

-Jeff is the type to visit Liu while he’s drunk just to fuck with him

-Liu is a spitting image of his father, both him and his father have very soft, kind features.

-While Jeff looks very much like his mom - either he has a constant scowl on his face or has the most evil smile imaginable

-Jeff just looks like he burns down buildings

-Jeff has crooked ass teeth

-When you think of Liu - think of Patrick Bateman. “I want to fit in.”

-God Liu is so boring he prolly listens to smooth elevator Jazz

-Jeff would listen to the noisiest shit

-like, if this guy had access to the internet and understood it he’d prolly listen to anime speedcore/soundcore

-Like he would listen to this^^^

-And he would fucking love it

-Also Jeff would be so, so problematic

-He’d prolly say the most offensive, ignorant shit just to get a rise out of people

-Anything to start a fight, anything to give him a reason to hurt people

-But I feel as if he’d be extremely misogynistic, like actually

-Would not at all be surprised if he genuinely hated women

-He’s on par with a rabid animal

-And even now at 25 years old, NOBODY LIKES HIM! Even the creepypastas that know of him are so fucking annoyed and/or completely put off by him

-They can’t even really use him for anything, and even if they could, would it be worth it to listen to him?

-He’s also that kid in middle school that’d show people cartel videos

-and Liu HATED it, totally despised it

-He’d be like “what the fuck man?! Cut it out”

-God forbid his reputation be tarnished by his brother

-Legit Liu would not give two shits if he wasn’t his brother, maybe he’d condemn it if people around him were doing the same

-But he personally does not care about social justice or people in general

-He’s just too self absorbed to

-Legit Jeff would be /pol/ on 4chan

-He probably frequented 4chan

-Oh Liu is so fucking big into Facebook

-He’d probably repost some of those stupid inspirational minion memes up on his page as if he was a middle aged mother

-This man is a “live laugh love” type

-If only people knew

~Olive🐰

Whenever Vox is deep in thought he has his Voxtech logo bouncing around on his screen like the old dvd logo

Cursed thought:

So in the Creepypasta Fandom, we have canons of Video Games Things coming to IRL right. Like Glitchy Red, Tails Doll etc etc.

Okay so. Concept.

BEN (Network. Not Lawman) breaking out of MM, going into other games, gaining those video game logic and then coming into the real world.

I want Nettie (term by @ivrket-art when referring to Network BEN) to have Video Game logic IRL is what I'm saying.

Imagine the CHAOS.

Nettie with mega inventory slots or any Legend of Zelda bombs and weaponary. He can pull out a gun or a random flamethrower

But also imagine Nettie functioning base on Video Game Logic. Having to do weird maneuvers to "glitch" through floors cause it's faster than using an elevator, or having the ability to ragdoll down the stairs cause it's faster than walking. Nettie double jumping. Or even rolling like in LoZ: Minish Cap because it's just so much faster than walking.

Also imagine. Minecraft Creative Mode Nettie.

POV : Nettie is free